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Learning to Train Your Child in THE WAY of Wisdom By Remy Diederich

Parenthood: Part One Parents are Leaders By Remy Diederich Cedarbrook Church 9.18.11

Outline 1. 2. 3. 4. Parents are leaders not followers. Good leaders are teachers. Good leaders have a clear goal in mind Good leaders have a strategy to reach their goal: Be an example Be clear about what you expect. Expect the best. Be consistent. Be approachable. Be prepared.

Message Let me ask you a question to start today. Whats the toughest thing about being a parent? Losing your independence? Keeping up with your kids from event to event...from practice to games to concerts? Living in fear of something bad happening to them? Living in fear of them getting into trouble? Or living in fear of your parenting skills or your lack of skills? Parenting is tough. And weve got a lot of parents here. So I want to take three weeks to come along side of our parents and give them some words of advice and encouragement. Now, if you arent a parent...you should still get something out these messages because Im going to be talking about things like leadership and decision making and developing character and that applies to all of us. Plus, even if you never have kids I dont think you should be totally in the dark about parenting! You should be in touch with what your parenting friends are struggling with.

To get us started, turn in your Bible to First Parenting chapter 3. Dont you wish that were true? Unfortunately the Bible doesnt have a chapter on parenting. But it still speaks to the issue parenting in a variety of ways. Today well be looking in the book of Proverbs. Heres another question: What do you think is the role of a parent? Are they caretakers? They cook and clean and pack bags and remind and scold? Or maybe their role is entertainer. They make sure their kids are happy by working overtime trying to please them. Or maybe their role is to be an agent. What I mean is that they spend their time trying to make their kids successful. So they spend their time taking them to camps, and lessons and giving them every opportunity they can to advance and position their child for success. Or how about a lawyer? The parent feels the need to defend the child...from their spouse, from their siblings, from teachers, etc. They play protector all the time because they are afraid their child can stand up for herself. There is something even more fundamental that the Bible says about the role of a parent. The number one role of a parent is to be a leader. Maybe youve heard this verse before. Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 Now, years ago I heard this verse quoted for the wrong reasons. People said this is one of the promises of God. I was young and single and I didnt know any better. I thought, Cool. God promises to keep my kids on the straight and narrow. But now 35 years later I realize that its not a promise. God doesnt guarantee that our kids wont go astray. This verse is a principle. It is what typically happens. But there are no guarantees. The reason Im showing this verse to you is because I think this verse points to the fact that it tells us that parents are leaders. The word way here implies a path or a journey. A parent is someone who leads their child down a path on a journey. A parent helps their child find their way safely to adulthood. You see, parents cant afford to be hands off today. Its not like fifty years ago when the community had a common ethic and set of values and a child would more or less end up in a good place. Today, if you arent actively leading your child down the right path they could end up any place on the moral, emotional and spiritual map. So parents are leaders not followers. They are active not passive. They are intentional and purposeful about raising their child. Thats what the phrase train up your child means. It literally means to dedicate yourself to leading your child down the right path. The picture that its painting here is that children get so used to that path that they wont want to travel other paths. Theyll travel that path so often with their parents that theyll see the beauty of it and the blessing of walking it and theyll realize that they would be a fool to wander of that path. Not a guarantee but highly likely.

You know, some parents let their kids lead them around like some people walk their dog. The dog goes wherever it wants and the owner is jerked around from tree to tree or chases squirrels or is dragged down alleys to find garbage cans. By the time they get back from the walk they are exhausted. Thats why some parents are exhausted because they arent leading. They are following. A big part of being a good leader is being a teacher. Listen to what the book of Proverbs says... Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. Proverbs 1:8,9 I love the word picture here. The parent that takes their role as teacher seriously gifts their children with wisdom that is like a garland on their head and a necklace around their neck. A garland was a turban that men wore at weddings or special occasions. So right away here in Proverbs it shows us the positive impact that parents can have on their children. When parents teach their children well it makes them attractive...it makes them stand out from other people...it makes them desirable to be around. You know, some people are able to bless their kids with wealth. Thats nice. But you dont have to have money to bless your kids. Parents...if you lack money...never apologize to your kids for being poor because you can give them something much more valuable than money...much more attractive. You can teach them to be wise. You can teach them to be a person of character. And you cant put a price on that. A few chapters later Proverbs continues... My son, guard your father's commands and do not abandon your mother's teaching. Bind them continually to your heart; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life... Proverbs 6:20-23 Proverbs has a high view of parents. It tells us that a parents instruction is like providing light in the darkness. Its like life itself. These are words that God uses about his own word. Its rather striking the value God places on the words of parents. Then it says that a parents teachings are so valuable that their children should bind them superglue and bungey cord them, to their heart and wrap them around their neck so they wont lose them. Theyre valuable because they do three things...first, they GUIDE YOU into a path of blessing. Your parents teachings help you know what to do. Second, they WATCH OVER you and PROTECT you even when you sleep. That means when you go to bed you dont have to worry about your decisions because you know that you are on a good path. Youve been on this path for years and its always been good to you. It was good to your parents. Its good to you now and you have no worries. You can sleep well.

Finally your parents teaching continually SPEAKS to you words of wisdom. Have you ever met someone who is always quoting the wisdom of their mom or dad? I have and I like it. I can tell that they enjoyed their parents growing up and they continue to enjoy their parents as their teaching washes over them...continually speaking to them words of wisdom. Thats a blessing. I just hope that my words have that kind of effect on my kids. Parents, what are you teaching your children? Are you imparting wisdom that they will draw on for years to come or are you buying them video games to keep them entertained for another 24 hours? Now...let me pause for a GUILT CHECK right now because theres nothing that can trip the guilt switch quicker than talking about parenting. There was a time in my life when I got really depressed for about a month just because I realized some mistakes I had made as a parent. So, as parents....lets all collectively raise our hand and say...I messed up, receive Gods forgiveness and move on. Okay? Lets move beyond the guilt and do something about it. Lets look in the mirror and see if there is something we can do to become great parents. Instead of regretting our parenting lets do something that we can take pride in. Okay, parents are leaders and leaders are teachers. The third thing I want you to see here is that leaders have a goal in mind. They have a target that they shoot at. So parents, think about your child turning eighteen and leaving home. What are they like? Do they love God? Is their faith real? Are they people of character? Are they honest? Are they reliable? Responsible? Do they respect people? Are they hard workers? Are they generous? Are they nice to be around? Those are some of the things that most of us hope for our children. But its more than something you just hope for or wish for. People shouldnt just have babies and hope for the best. Raising great kids isnt just a roll of the dice. Its something you plan for. You take those qualities that I listed out and you make them your target. Parents need to have that picture in mind and work every day toward that goal. But heres another question...even if you know what you want your child to look like at eighteen do you have a plan or a strategy to get them there? In other words...do you know how you are going to hit your target? Hitting your target involves a number of things. Let me give you a checklist here that might help. First, if you want to hit your target, be an example. Model for your child the life you want them to live. Its like when the apostle Paul wrote that people should follow him as he follows Christ. If people wanted a good idea of what it meant to follow Jesus all they had to do was follow his example. Parents... whether you realize it or not...you are teaching your child every day by how you live your life. You are teaching them to be like you. Now, if you are the person you want them to be then thats great. But if you arent you need to make some changes. If you want them to have an authentic faith in God...you need to have an authentic faith in God. If you want them to be

trustworthy and responsible then you need to be trustworthy and responsible. If you dont want them to lie...then you shouldnt be lying. Im not saying you have to be perfect but they should see that you are doing your best to model how you tell them to live and when you fail you should admit it and apologize. Second, be clear about what you expect. Dont make them guess. When you arent clear thats when they make up their own rules. Let your children know who you are and what your family stands for...what values are important to you because their values will ultimately control their behavior. Thats what God did. After he called the Israelites to be his people he was very clear about what he expected. They are called the Ten Commandments. You cant get any more clear than that. After God gave the Ten Commandments he spoke to parents and said... These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Deuteronomy 6:6-8 God was clear with his expectations and then he told parents to be clear about their expectations. Third, expect the best. I think parents often miss the boat on this. They are so concerned about making their kids happy that they set very low standards for them. Well, Jimmy, if you just take out the trash once a month thats good enough. I know you have a lot of homework to do. The truth is...Jimmy has more potential than that but if you dont ask for it, youll never see it. And worse yet...Jimmy will start to question himself if you never challenge him. Hell wonder why you never ask more of him. Hell start to doubt himself. Hell think...maybe my parents never ask much out of me because they dont think I have it in me. And that doubt ends up crippling him emotionally. Jesus wasnt afraid to expect the best. What did he say on the Sermon on the Mount? First he raised the bar on the Ten Commandments. He said its more than just doing the right thing. He said its about having the right thoughts...the right motives. And then he says, Be holy for I am holy. Or what did the apostle Paul tell the Ephesian church? He said...Be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1). You see, both Jesus and Paul were calling out the best in us. They werent cutting people slack. They were saying YOU CAN DO THIS. God is inside of you so Im expecting great things! We dont want to crush people by expecting something they cant deliver but a good leader knows what to expect from her people and then calls it out of them. Next, be consistent. This might be the hardest part about being a leader because you get tired. Your kids wear you down. It gets late and you just want to go to bed and you dont care what

you said about consequences. If giving them ice cream and picking up after them gets you to bed quicker then thats what youre going to do. But... not if you want to be a good leader. Not if you want to be a good teacher. Good leaders are consistent. Remember, thats what it means to train up a child. It means to be dedicated. Stick to it. Be consistent. Fifth, be approachable. Good leaders arent distant. They know that there is a time to teach and there is a time to relax and have fun. You want your kids to feel like they can talk to you even if they know you disagree. This is one area that I didnt do so well in. I think I was so opinionated that my kids learned not to voice a dissenting opinion. And Ive been trying to dig myself out of that hole ever since. I think just now they are beginning to see that its safe to disagree with me. The amazing thing about Jesus is that even though he was God in the flesh he didnt intimidate people. Somehow, they were attracted to him. Remember- its a lot harder to learn from a teacher that you dont like compared to one that you do like. So if you want to be a good teacher...work at being likeable. Some of you might have to work at it harder than others! And finally, be prepared. Parents should always be in training. You cant teach what you dont know. Some of us will spend thousands of dollars in college preparing for a career but never bother to read one book about how to be a parent. Thats just crazy. Why is that? I think the reason we as so casual about parenting is because most of us werent raised with the kind of intentionality the Bible talks about. Each generation grows up thinking that if they just love their kids and dont do the hurtful things their parents did that their kids will be fine. But if you love your kids, dont you want the best for them? Would you take them to a doctor that never read a book on medicine? Would you take them to a teacher that never read a book on education? Would you take them to a church that never read the Bible? Then why do you subject your child to a parent that knows nothing about parenting? I was at a conference once and the speaker said that leaders should be readers and leaders should always be reading a book on leadership to improve themselves. At the time I had only read one or two books on leadership. Like parenting, I thought leadership was pretty intuitive. Either you knew how to do it or you didnt. But I was wrong. Ever since that time Ive read countless books on leadership. Im amazed about how much there is to know about being a leader. And its the same for parenting. Parents, there should always be a book on parenting by your bed. Or better yet, if you are married, read a book together with your spouse. Youll be amazed at how much youll learn. I just read the book New Kid by Friday. That would be a great book to start with. You can find it in our lobby.

Well, that wraps up part one. The simple point here is that parents are leaders and if you are a parent you need to own that responsibility if you want your kids to be a person of character when they leave home. Next week Ill take a deeper look at the target we should be shooting at and some basic principles to help us hit the target. Prayer: Father...thank you for the families in our midst...for all the children and their parents. Theyve got a tough job and we want to encourage them. I pray for them today...help them to step up and take on the role of leader that youve called them to. Help them to overcome the guilt that so easily condemns us and give them the courage to lead well. Amen. Going Deeper Use the following questions for personal reflection or to discuss with your family, friends or small group. 1. Did you perceive your parents as leaders? Did they have a clear goal for you? What was there strategy? How did their leadership or lack of leadership impact you? 2. If you are a parent have you seen yourself as a leader? How so? If not, how have you viewed your role? 3. Read Proverbs 1:26-29. Notice that this section has three truths each containing three components. 4. Proverbs tells us not to forsake our parents teaching. Then it uses three words telling us what to do with the teaching. What are those words? What strikes you about those words? 5. What does it say is the benefit of obeying your parents teaching? 6. Next it gives three benefits of obeying. What are they? Is this your experience? 7. What metaphors does it use to describe parents teaching? (3) Note the impact of discipline on a child. What is it? 8. If you are a parent what can you start doing to benefit your child in the way Proverbs speaks? If not, do you see the what the role of a parent is better now that you've read this text?

Parenthood: Part Two Hitting the Target By Remy Diederich Cedarbrook Church 9.25.11

Outline: 1. 2. 3. 4. Parents need a target to shoot for. Proverbs boils the target down to being wise. Parents train their children to make wise decisions by offering choices and consequences. When children regularly experience consequences they learn to ... Stop Invite God into the process Consider the options and consequences Consider their natural inclinations Invite wise people into the process. Make a choice Take Action

Message I have a question to start with today. How many of you parents lose your cool parenting? I know the answer. We all lose our cool parenting because our kids dont always do what we want them to do, do they? It might be their grades or their attitude or their behavior or the jobs around the house they never did or the friends they have chosen to hang out with. Typically, the reason we lose our cool is because we feel like weve lost control. And we hate losing control. It makes us feel helpless and powerless. Well, I think Ive got something that will help you today to regain your control. Im going start with a look at the Bible and get super practical in the last few minutes. Last week I took a look at what the Bible says is the number one role of a parent. We saw that the primary role of a parent is to be a leader and a teacher. And I said that every parent should have a target in mind of the kind of person that they want their child to be on the day that they move out of the house. I talked about things like faith and character and generosity. The Target: WISDOM Well, let me simplify this target even more. The book of Proverbs has one word for the target and that is wisdom. The target that every parent should have for their child is that they release a wise person into the world of adulthood. Proverbs starts by telling us the value of reading it. Notice the word for used throughout the opening verses...

The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel: for attaining wisdom and discipline; for understanding words of insight; for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair; for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion (a plan) to the young Solomon wrote the book of Proverbs so people would do three things...first, acquire wisdom. Look at the words...attaining, understanding and acquiring in verse two. Second our wisdom moves us to take action. It says here that we should do what is right, just and fair. And third, Proverbs is written for parents to teach their children. It talks about teaching the simple and the young. And its got to happen in that order. You cant teach wisdom until youve gained wisdom yourself. Now, in verse two it talks about understanding words of insight. The word understand literally means to look upon, to gaze, to observe. The thought is that you gain wisdom simply by studying these proverbs. You spend time with them. You reflect on them. The point is... that a person gains understanding not by a quick and casual reading of Proverbs but a slow methodical study of them. And thats really true of anything. You cant truly get to know something well unless you spend time observing it. It reminds me of my college days in biology class. We would spend inordinate amounts of time looking at leaves studying them in detail even under the microscope. It was way more than I needed to know about leaves but thats what you do if you want to know something; you observe it, you gaze at it, you study it. And the same can be said for a child spending time with their parents...wisdom isnt passed on watching TV at the dinner table but from listening to them, learning from them, and asking them questions as they spend time with them. You see, wisdom doesnt come with next day service like FEDEX. We live in an age that just wants to Google an answer. Well, you can Google an ANSWER but you cant Google WISDOM. You cant Google understanding or insight. Thats something that technology will never be able to give us because wisdom simply takes time to acquire. Wisdom requires the patience to simply sit with someone and squeeze every bit of insight out of them that you possibly can. Thats why Proverbs tells us that... A wise person LISTENS to advice. 12:15 But Im sure the word listen here isnt used in a 21st century way. Today we might be listening to the radio with the television on and talking to someone on our cell phone. We are listening to all three things but to none of them well. Proverbs is talking about fully taking something in. Letting the words of advice speak to you deeply. Its more like it says here...

A wise child PAYS ATTENTION to what his father teaches him. Proverbs 13:1 This is a picture of a child on the edge of their chair carefully listening to what their father has to say to them. What its telling us here is that if parents want their children to be wise then parents need to see themselves more as mentors and less like chauffeurs. They are more like a coach and less like a cop. My guess is that this concept might be foreign to most of us. Many of us might feel like we are going well if we provide for our kids; show up to most of their games or concerts and take them out for pizza now and then. But Proverbs casts a much greater responsibility on parents than that. Proverbs implies that to parent well, first we need to be wise and second, we need to spend considerable amounts of time with our children training them in the way of wisdom. If we listen to what it is saying it might cause a major shift in the way we parent...a counter cultural shift. Proverbs wants children to not only know what their parents know. Proverbs wants children to do what their parents do; as it says...doing what is right, just and fair. You see, wisdom is more than just good thinking its good behavior. And good behavior comes from good choices. Put another way...parents, your job is to teach your children to make good choices. The choices that children make ultimately determine their character. In fact, choices are the essence of character. Every choice you make today is determining what your character will be. And your children are learning from your choices. If you read through the book of Proverbs it gives a number of examples of good choices that a wise person makes. A wise person...saves his money (10:5), chooses her words carefully(12:18, 14:13), is self-controlled (20:1, 29:11), turns away from anger (29:8) and listens to correction. Parents, if you want to sleep well at night and not worry about your kids dont give them money or toys or trips. Give them wisdom. Solomon said... ...wisdom is protection ... wisdom preserves the lives of its possessors. Ecclesiastes 7:12 Wisdom has the advantage of giving success. Ecclesiates 10:10 Arent these the things that parents want for their child, pray for their child...protection, preservation and success? In fact, Proverbs says that wisdom is better than money, weapons or power. Thats why Proverbs says that ...a child who loves wisdom makes his father glad (29:3). Right now my youngest daughter is in New Delhi, India and next month shell be in Nepal and the next month shell be in Uganda...every month a different country for a year. But Im not losing any sleep over her because God is with her and shes wise. She makes good choices and her wisdom protects her. And that makes me glad! So how do you train children to make good choices? Two words: choice and consequences.

Lets look at choice first. If you want your kids to choose well then you have to give them experience making choices. Some parents make the mistake of making all the choices for their children. They choose their clothes, their food, their friends, their entertainment, thinking that they know whats best for their child. But there are two problems with this approach; one, when their children move away from home they have no experience in decision making which will cause them to fail. And two, their child will resent their parents for denying them personal expression. So, parents need to give their kids experience in making choices as soon as they are able to make choices. For example, when kids are very small you ask them... Do you want to wear the blue or the red shirt? Do you want to have your bath first or a story first? Do you want peas or corn tonight? Even at an early age what are you doing? You are helping your child to think. You are helping them to evaluate situations and make decisions. As they get older you just keep increasing the level of responsibility so that when they finally leave home they are expert decision makers. One psychologist wrote it like this. The older the child gets the bigger the choices that they make. Every year they get more and more responsibility which makes them feel more and more empowered. But this isnt something a psychologist discovered. This is straight from the Bible. Genesis chapter two says that God gave Adam and Eve a choice. They werent zombies. They werent robots. God created us as individuals with personality and the ability to choose. Adam and Eve could eat from any tree in the garden but not the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God gave them choice. And along with choice he gave them something else: consequences. Consequences are what teach us wisdom from our life experiences. We talk about the School of Hard Knocks, right? What does that mean? It means that the consequences of our choices taught us some good lessons. The Bible is full of examples of choice and consequences. Listen to what Jesus said after his Sermon on the Mount. He talked about wisdom, choices and consequences... "So then, everyone who hears my words and puts them into practice is like a wise man. He builds his house on the rock. The rain comes down. The water rises. The winds blow and beat against that house. But it does not fall. It is built on the rock. Matthew 7:24,25 So the consequence of doing what Jesus says is success. Whats the consequence for not doing what he says? But everyone who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man. He builds his house on sand. The rain comes down. The water rises. The winds blow and beat against that house. And it falls with a loud crash." Matthew 7:26,27 Jesus did exactly what Im saying that parents should do; he gave people choice with consequences.

Okay, this all sounds nice and good and biblical but applying choice and consequences can be hard so let me give you a concrete example that I got from the book, Parenting with Love an Logic (which, by the way, I think every parent should have by their bedside table). Heres the scenario. Imagine mom and dad going out to eat with little Jimmy before they spend an hour shopping. Wanting to empower Jimmy with a little choice they say, Jimmy, do you want to go to Arbys or McDonalds for supper? And Jimmy says McDonalds. Then they get inside and they ask (limiting his choice), Jimmy, do you want chicken nuggets with fries or a cheeseburger with fries? Jimmy goes...a cheeseburger. Now, get this; by giving your kids choices you are teaching them to what? To think. If you just order for them they dont have to think and theyll blame you if they dont like it. On the other hand, if you give them too many choices theyll get overwhelmed. Research has proven this...not just with kids...with anybody. When you give people too many options most people give up and never decide. It creates paralyzing anxiety. So always narrow the range of choice for your kids. Give your kids two options two options that you can live with theyll feel empowered and youll feel less responsible to make all the decisions. Okay...everything is good so far. Little Jimmy is feeling empowered. Mom and dad are happy. Life is good. They get their food and sit down. Mom and dad eat their food but then they realize that Jimmy hasnt touched his cheeseburger and hes only playing with the French fries. If you are the parents, what do you do? Well, I can tell you what some people do Jimmy, come on. Eat your food. Then they wait. Nothing happens. Jimmy, I SAID...eat your food. You dont want to make mom and dad mad! Nothing happens. Jimmy if you dont eat your food right now we are going to leave you here! No theyre not. Jimmy knows that. So he just keeps playing. Why should he eat his food? He is large and in charge. He has two grown adults at his mercy...dancing to his tune. Hes got the power and he loves it. But thats why we lose our cool as parents. We cant stand it when a snotty nosed five year has control over us! So we power up and add all kinds of tension to the scene that doesnt need to be there. The dad gets mad and says, I cant deal with this. Im going to wait in the car. He storms off and mom sits there and pleads with Jimmy to please eat so everyone can be happy. And then she says... If you eat your food mommy will buy you a toy when we go shopping. Ca-ching! Jimmy does it again! He milks the system one more time! Alright. Rewind. Lets try this again and see if there is a better way to handle this. This time mom and dad choose different words. Instead of fighting words...words that create tension...they

choose thinking words; words that involve choice and consequences. Mom and dad calmly give him two new choices... Jimmy, our car is leaving in five minutes. (Note how its the car leaving). Do you want to eat your food here or save it for supper tomorrow night? Do you see what they are doing? The parents are forcing Jimmy to think. To reason. They are giving him some control... some power by letting him choose...and they put the responsibility for his happiness ON HIM. If Jimmy doesnt like the outcome hes only got himself to blame. And there is no anger, or threats or drama. But guess what? Jimmy doesnt answer. He just keeps playing with his French fries. What do mom and dad do? They just keep talking to each other. Five minutes tick off, mom and dad box up the food and say...okay, time to go shopping! No anger. No shame. No lecture. And no bargaining. What does Jimmy say? But we cant go yet. Im not done! Parents...what do you say to that? First you show empathy. Second, you affirm the consequence that they chose. Oh...thats too bad. I never like it when I cant finish my meal. But dont worry, youll get to eat it tomorrow. And then you leave. But Jimmy doesnt leave. Jimmy throws a fit. Jimmy starts screaming and begging and pleading and clutching the chair. Parents...what do you say? Express empathy. That lets them know that you are on their side. And then affirm the consequence with another choice. Oh, I know...its sad to leave a fun place like this. Would you like to walk to the car or should I carry you? Its always nice to offer a choice when they are mad because it gives them some power. But if Jimmy doesnt start walking you pick him up...and go to the car. Now, when you get home...you know what Jimmy is going to say, right? Mom, Im hungry. Can you make me a sandwich? Okay, mom. Are you going to make him a sandwich? Dont make him a sandwich! And dont lecture him about how he should have listened to you at McDonalds either. Firstwhat? Empathy. Secondaffirm the consequence. Oh, Id be hungry too if I missed dinner. But dont worry, Ill make you a good breakfast in the morning. No lecture. No shame. No distancing yourself. And no taking back the responsibility.

Remember...Jimmys hunger isnt your problem. He created the problem. Its HIS problem. So let him solve it. Dont solve it for him. He wont die of hunger. If you solve his problem youve just taught him a bunch of terrible lessons. Youve taught him that your words dont matter... Youve taught him that there are no consequences to bad decisions... Youve taught him that you will always fix what he broke and Youve taught him that the world revolves around him. And according to Proverbsyouve taught him to be a fool instead of wise. If thats what you want...then fix him a sandwich. But if you ever wonder why this generation is called the entitlement generation its because too many parents are making sandwichs when they shouldnt. Now...what just happened? By giving Jimmy choice and consequences youve given him the opportunity to think and make decisions. It might seem basic but its this kind of encounter that teaches your child wisdom and enables you to hit your parenting target before they leave home. And trust me, you are going to enjoy going out to eat a lot more. Were going to talk about this in more detail next week so be sure to come back. But in closing...let me list out seven steps of the decision making process. When faced with a problem or a situation you want to train your child to... 1. Stop and thinknot just react. 2. Invite God into the process. 3. Consider the options and consequences. 4. Consider their natural inclinations. 5. Invite wise people into the process. 6. Make a choice. 7. Take Action. These are steps that you can model with your child. The next time a problem comes up that requires them to choose, walk them through these steps. The older they get the more discussion will be possible and theyll learn how to make good decisions, not just react. Wouldnt you sleep better as a parent if you knew that your kids were always doing these seven things? Prayer: Father, thank you for the simple target that Proverb gives us here. Help us all to be people that aquire wisdom, practice wisdom and teach wisdom to others. And I pray for parents here to learn how to make the shift from chauffeur to mentor and from cop to coach. Too often we lose our cool because we dont have a plan. I hope my words today give people a plan to deal with not only children but other important people in our lives. Amen.

Going Deeper Use the following questions for personal reflection or to discuss with your family, friends or small group. 1. Read Proverbs 1:1-5. What is the target that Solomon wants to help parents hit? 2. How did or didnt your parents help you think and make decisions growing up? If you are a parent, what have you done to help your child/ren grow in wisdom? 3. If you have a computer go to www.biblestudytools.com and search for the word wisdom in the book of Proverbs. Rea every verse listed. What are some common attributes of the wise? Or look up Proverbs 8:33,9:8, 10:5, 12:15,18, 14:13, 16:21, 18:15, 19:20, 20:1, 29:8,11. 4. Now do a search for the word fool. What are common attributes of the fool? Proverbs 12:15, 14:16, 18:2,6,7, 20:3, 29:11 5. Discuss how giving up control, offering choices and giving consequences help children to become wise. 6. Assess the seven steps to making a good decision. Why is each step important? What would you add or subtract? 7. What are some tough situations facing you right now where you could apply these steps to your own life?

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