A BIRDS EYE VIEW OF PARENTING

Bible Introduction I wonder if any of you have ever felt like this. One mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she would have children if she had it all to do over again. She replied, Sure, Id have more children just not the same ones! Well, all parents have those days, but you cant give them back, right? So lets talk about what we can do for them. First a little background: Oldest of 11 (6 boys, a girl, 2 boys, twin girls) Parents dedicated Christians Farm til 8, Hutchinson, Kansas til 18 CA for 40 years Graduate Biola U., 4 years of seminary, pastored and taught Divorced and went into business retired as VP at Motorola Sought opportunity, and God led to Eaton, so here we are Seen and experienced a lot, but primarily, Im a Bible teacher. Believe it is literally Gods Word, represents what the Creator has to say. Take it as authoritative. Only thing Im qualified to bring is spiritual perspective as presented in Bible. Thought today maybe a birds eye view of parenting. Ten principles. Ten most important things you can do for your child. 1. LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD May seem a strange place to start, but I think it is critical. Models His existence and accountability. Its Gods command for everyone: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. This is Gods instruction to every human being for our good and His glory. Dont mess this up. How does this relate to kids? You didnt just create a child you created or adopted an eternal being someone who will live somewhere eternally. According to the Bible, that little life will be eternally with God, or separated from God. Big difference. How do we ensure its with Him? By being good, being baptized, going to church? No Jesus said in Mark 1:15, Repent and believe in the gospel the good news that a holy
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God who could never accept us in our sin, sent His own Son to die for our sin, so that by repenting and believing in Him we could have eternal life. Repent and believe in the good news. By far the most influence in childs life in this regard is parents. George Barna, a Christian pollster, says 10% accept Christ after age 14, 6% after age 18. But in a home where parents model faith in Christ about 90% accept Christ. Odds of your child achieving His life purpose to accept Christ and glorify God drop from 90% if they see it in you to less that 10% if they dont. Love the Lord your God. Model faith in Christ. More important than seat restraints, education, or any other physical thing. Ultimately that child was not made for our pleasure but Gods glory. By loving God, you can have both.

2. HONOR YOUR PARENTS One of Ten Commandments -- Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. We should do this because God commands it and promises long life with it. But there is another reason to honor parents that seems so obvious and yet so many people miss this. We would like our children to honor us, would we not? Of course we do. No one wants a rebellious, spiteful child. And yet so many parents feel perfectly justified to speak ill of and despise certain things about their own parents. Guess who is taking it all in? There is an old Grimms fairy tale (so it is rather Grimm!) which goes like this. Once there was a little old man. His eyes blinked and his hands trembled; when he ate he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed his mouth with the spoon as often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and his sons wife didnt like the arrangement. I cant have this, she said. It interferes with my right to happiness. Sadly, they stuck him in the corner with an earthenware bowl. One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke. If you are a pig, said the daughter-in-law, you must eat out of a trough. So they made him a little wooden trough and he got his meals in that. One evening the young husband noticed his 6-year-old boy playing intently with some
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bits of wood and asked what he was doing. Im making a trough, he said proudly to feed you and Mamma out of when I get big. 3. RESPECT DAD Hopefully he is in the same home. It takes two to make a child, and by implication, it takes two to raise a child. But regardless, respect for him gives security. It part of Paul summary on marriage Eph 5:33, However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Dont men need love, too? YES. We all need love. But -- Let me give you mothers a revealing insight into the minds of the men in your life. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, marriage counselor and speaker, tells of one national study where four hundred men were given a choice between going through two different negative experiences. If they were forced to choose one of the following, which would they prefer to endure? a) to be left alone and unloved in the world, or b) to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. Seventy-four percent of these men said they if they were forced to choose, they would prefer being alone and unloved in the world to feeling inadequate or disrespected. For the sake of obedience to God and for the sake of your children, you need, as a mother, to give respect to the father of those children. Deserved or not. In the home or not.

4. PRIORITIZE RELATIONSHIPS Point of biggest failure by many well-intentioned mothers. They put children first. Its the wrong order. It must be God, husband, then children. Child-centered homes are disatrous. Genesis 1 God made man and woman in His image. Pronounced it very good. Family was complete without children. Children are an extension to family, not a necessity. They are visual. Need to see it. Example in our home of Mom and Dad together every morning at 5:00 or 5:30 in kitchen reading and praying together. Find a way.
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Results of not = kids who think the world revolves around them, so selfish, not sharing, no compassion, lacking respect. MOST OF ALL Insecure. Example from Gary Ezzo of couple whose daughter would not sleep the night. Went down all right, but in their room after couple of hours. Ezzo visited girl went down fine. Dad asked, Ezzo said, I think your daughter is insecure. Saw it in her eyes, and some mannerisms. Asked father to describe routine. Came home, kissed mom and played with daughter until dinner and bed time. Couples time came afterward. Dad didnt want to believe insecurity, but suggestion was couch time for 15 minutes every night after arriving home. Guy called a week later Youre not going to believe it. Child was sleeping through the night by Day 3.

5. TRAIN COMPREHENSIVELY General instruction Eph 6:4, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Bring up = nourish = give whatever is required to make mature adults of them. Example = Luke 2:52: And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. Stature = physically. Making sure they eat healthy, dont play in the street, etc. Wisdom = intellectual growth. School, exposure to museums, great programs on TV, etc. Favor with man = social skills know how to tie a tie, put on make-up, dribble a basketball, talk to adults, interact with opposite sex, etc. Favor with God = spiritual growth. See next item.

6. INSTRUCT IN THE WORD Eph 6:4 -- Kids wont get this at school. You have to take the lead. Deut. 6. Good books. Let them see its important to you.

Church. But if you just drop them off, they get the message Church is for kids, faith is for kids, Christ is for kids. Its all fairytales. You gotta model it. Real life application. My mom was a master at this. She knew her Bible, and she applied it constantly. You get into a fight with a brother Dave, what does Prov 15:1 say? A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov is great book on sharing, giving, being wise, thinking of others, sexual purity its all there. MEMORIZE Youll have to pay a price, but I remember verses from 50 years ago better than those I worked on last week. This is a way to make your kids take you with them wherever they go. You will be the unconscious voice in their ear. Worth the price which is youll have to memorize also!

7. DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE GIVING TEETH TO INSTRUCTION. ENFORCING IT. Natural Consequences not helicopter parents. Kids do homework. Kids take responsibility. See Parenting With Love and Logic. Gal 6:7: Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. If they dont learn this from you young, they will learn it under much harsher circumstances later. Your goldfish died because you didnt feed it? So sorry but dont replace it. Imposed Consequences Start really young. Make it hurt, but short term if possible. They pay for what they destroy. Spanking come and we will discuss on Sundays in a few weeks. Always in love NEVER FRUSTRATON OR ANGER. THATS ABUSE. Discipline ultimately is a test of love -- Heb 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. Why? Because He is a sadist? Verse 11, For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

8. APPEAL TO THE HEART

The end game is not behavior modification its heart modification. Shepherding a Childs Heart How? 1) Remember and remind them, you are the agent of God. You are only doing what God has asked you to do in holding them accountable and disciplining. Because God loves them and you love them 2) Every offense is ultimately no against Timmy, or the neighbor or the store they stole from but against God. Davids confession in Psalm 51:4, Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight. Constantly invoke the presence of God in good things as well as discipline. When wrong things, this brings them to the cross.

9. LEAD THEM TO CHRIST Ultimately we want to spend eternity with these children. That means that at some point we must repent and accept Christ, and so must they. Teach them gospel verses and help them understand. Kids can get it. Get sermon from a couple of weeks ago, but principle is we all have to become like children (Matt 18)

10. RAISE TO RELEASE Another major mistake parents make trying to hang on. We deprive kids of adult status when we will not release them. Gen 2:24, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Adam had no father. Clearly this is general principle. Psalm 127: 4) Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of ones youth. 5) Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Arrows are useless until released. But great preparation makes them more precise, more apt to hit the target for which they are intended.

We have created eternity. Great responsibility, but great privilege as well. Dr. G. Campbell Morgan, great London preacher and commentator, had four sons. They all became ministers. At a family reunion, a friend asked one of the sons, Which Morgan is the greatest preacher? While the son looked at the father, he replied, Mother! II Tim 3:14-15, But as for you,
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continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.