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pastor,

oh pastor,

please wait just one minute.

you've weaved a ball of confusion,

and i'm stuck in it.

i'm ripped and torn by your teachings

of
sociology;

a life councelor maybe...

...-but "theology"?
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a quick dose on sunday,

-religion like a pill.

it may have filled your stomach;

but your mind,

it still seems ill.

your intentions i'm sure are pure,

and your heart, i'm sure is right.


but let's take a gander down my scope,

and let's see what's in sight!

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i was born unto this world,

free under the sky.

there were possibilities abound,

i knew no step as too high!


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then,

"bang"

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i was killed in sin!

i was stabbed by a steeple,

i was told about life,

by so many different people.

i was told that there was "wrong",


and i was told that there was "right".

you masked my perfect eyes,

then told me you gave me sight!

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now taught to judge

the "good"

from the "bad"???,


"i",

as a judge of god's creation?

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how sad!.

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but jesus loves me,


for this i know...

and fear of hell...

it sure told me so,

and made me so,

and it held me low,

so i couldn't grow,

and so i couldn't go,

where i could show...,


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that i was never that wretch

-saved by "amazing grace;"

you know,

claiming a new life,

but just filling the same space;

continuously on guard
from "satan's power,"

hour,

after hour,

after hour,

going sour.

losing power,
stripping petals

-from an unbloomed flower.

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it's getting kind of hot,

i'm starting to perspire!

brimstone and fire!


that brimstone and fire!

raising the temperature,

higher

-and higher!

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-liar! ,

-liar!,

-liar!
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fear -

on -

a -

wire!

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connected to my head!
but "fear of god",

it bred instead!

grace...,

it's now weighted like lead!

i'm afraid now to live,

and afraid to be dead!

afraid that god,

-he may find me instead;


at the end of my life,

that i,

myself led!

with an ounce of sin,

hidden inside...

this wellworn shell,

in which i reside.

and with all my goodness,

he'd cast me aside,


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for i was of sin when i had died!

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and since it was i,

that have defied!,

and did not abide,

and shall be cast aside!


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heaven denied!

oh,

heaven denied!

outcry!

outcry!
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judged,

but why?

redemption was promised,

now only implied!

as i myself am now nailed and crucified,


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on this holy,

hellbent,

mental fucking
ride!

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bound and tyed,

from side to side.


born not again

-or sanctified...

circumsized...

baptized...

boldly claiming that we're civilized???

while fed from the pedestal

that you blasphemize,

and you feed these lies,

of hellenistic demise,
-while covered in flies!

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when i bowed my head,

and i closed my eyes.

i could not see,

i was being told lies!

and as i prayed out loud on bended knee...

for the strength i guess god


forgot to put in
me?!???!

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-codependent of a diety?

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i guess it's all that's left

that i can have of me.

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-it's a down and out heresy!


western cultured pharisee!

shackled and bound christianity,

it's a catastrophy!

petty excuse for divinity!

hypocrisy to all that can see!

salvation...

for the desecration...


of humanity?

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and all in the name of grace given free!

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no thanks,

not for me!

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i need no redemption,

for the actions that i make.

a conscience within,

keeps my desire at stake!

my mind awake,

oh my mind is awake!

with every barrier,

that i myself break!


god-given power,

it's there for you to take!

oh, if only you can shake...

that fear of god that you make.

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stop preaching, preacher,

and lend me your ear.

the message should be love,

and how to care!


how right...

is righteousness?

if it's driven by fear?

or done with the intent...

of being chosen up there?

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where?
up there;

your little palace in the sky...

streets of gold for when you die!

a big brand new promised land-

not like the one we now have at hand...

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holy war, arab blood,

drenched in the sand.

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it's not so grand,

oh, it's not so grand.

and dare i say:

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not part of "his" plan.

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it's just like the church-

a mission of "man."

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a social gathering...

for the pleasantly dressed.

suit,
maybe a tie,

all properly pressed.

a smile on the outside,

while inside... distressed.

sick and tired,

in need of rest.

pleading for a miracle,

burdens on your chest,


hoping to be blessed!

hoping to be blessed!

hoping that "god"...

---listened to "you" best?!?

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above all the rest?!?

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so convinced

that life is a test.

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"a spiritual slugfest!"

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donned with the "armor of god,"

you sit on a pew...

offering plate passed by,


you know what to
do:

10% is acceptable.

but 20%, so repectable!

and a million dollar church...

it can't be erectable...

if we cannot raise the funds.

gotta raise the funds!

gotta show
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that we are the "chosen ones!"

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where is your positive impact on society?

the reward for your "once-a-week" piety?

your big churches

and big congregations-


they don't mean shit to me,

i don't understand

that whole reality!

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if you trust in your own strength-

you will see...

that god gave us our own eyes-


so that we, ourselves can see...

and a heart,

to live more passionately,

a mind,

to lead us more intellectially,

and deal with our issues more hypothetically!

if we attune

our perceptions more logically-


our lives

will be led more methodically!

radically changing our irresponsibility,

and instead giving ourselves some credibility,

for using

our own creativity,

for the changes

that we make

for heaven's sake!


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legalistic dogma,

it's a destroyer of free-will,

there are holy wars

in the name of god,

that rape,

plunder,

and kill!

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your segregated

dominions-

of

different

denominations-

are all doing their part

of desecration-

but never
reaching to elation-

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--while waiting for god at the station!

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i think theres been a problem

with some miscommunication...

thinking of life...

like being on probation.


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rather than vacation.

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do you see the relation?

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to repent of an action,

does not make that behavior changed.


but instead to...

persevere to a new perception-

your whole world then gets rearranged!

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a hardship,

then becomes a learning experience-

with precious wisdom to gain,


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and there's not a more appropriate write-off-

for dealing with our pain!

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so then we see:

pain,

and suffering,
they are not the same...

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one can hold value,

the other holds blame.

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sin,
it's a heavy word,

always instilling shame...

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but self-confidence with a conscience-

is the name of the game!

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you see...
life was created---

without the help of man.

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i said:

"life was created---

without...

the help of man!"

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to constantly rely-
and ask for the help of god-

in your times of trouble and strife...

is to take

that very chance away from you-

to make a better change in your life!

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but instead,
to overcome those obstacles,

and learn from your mistakes...

and to thank your god,

for all you have...

is all it really takes!


stabby 9-29-05