U love sum1....U marry some1 else.! The 1 u marry....becomes ur wife or husband. N the 1 u loved .....

becomes the password of ur mail id Husband & wife r like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney. If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney. Story I E: Do u have a boyfriend? C: I have. E: Is he working locally? C: No. He is working Overseas. E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u! C: Why? E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u. Story II E: Any girl friends? C: No. E: So far chased any before? C: Have, but not successful. E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend? C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personal issue. E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u. C: Why? E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!! Story III E: Any girlfriends? C: Yes. E: Is she pretty? C: Not quite.

E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you. C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation? E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist. Story IV E: Any girlfriends? C: Yes. E: Is she pretty? C: yes E: Is she your first lover? C: Yes. E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit. Story V E: Any girlfriends? C: Yes. E: Is she your first lover? C: No. Have a few already. E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper"! (Job hoper lah!) Story VI E: Any boyfriends? C: Yes. E: Is he rich? C: No. E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce. Story VII E: Any boyfriends? C: Yes.

E: Is he rich ? C: Yes, very rich. He owns a company. E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to employ you, neither do we! C: But,...... there is no position in his company. E: Then,..... what is your qualification? C: Secretary! E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect your managers' working spirits. C: But,...... I am not pretty at all. E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!! Dear Mr. Bill Gates, This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice. 1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is. 2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button. 3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting. 5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home. 6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug?? 7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat. 8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money. 9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that? An MBA qualified man married a girl but their marriage life wasnt that good. Day after day they had arguments, quarrels, and fights. And so after one year of marriage life the man emails to his father in law saying: your product doesnt meet my requirements. The father in law replied: one year warranty expired so manufacturer not responsible!!!!!!! Boy : You are { A B C D E F G H I J K }Girl : Wat Is This ?!!Boy : Adorable .. Beautiful .. Cute .. Dramatic .. Elegant .. Fantastic ... Great .. Hot !...........................Girl : Oooohh Soo Sweet !!But Wat Does { I J K } Mean ??!Boy : I'm Just Kidding =)) A boy called his physics prof but instead got his wife on the phone. He asked for him but his wife replied: he died a week ago. The next day the boy called again and again the wife said: he died a week ago. This continued until the wife lost it and screamed: HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD I TELL YOU. I told you he died a week ago. Why do you keep calling? The boy replied: sun kar acha lagta hai.

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbor James dropped dead on our Porch."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead. A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. . Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here... 2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet... Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again?

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks...

Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people. Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-Is ! the "Paneer butter Masala" dish good?? Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it. 5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years... Stupid Question: - Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big. Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself 6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask... Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good? Answer: - No, hes a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money. 7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call... Stupid Question: - Sorry. Were you sleeping? Answer: - No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair... Stupid Question: - Hey have you had a haircut? Answer: - No, its autumn and I'm shedding...... Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter. ************** Letter 1 Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Bobby **************

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over. ************** Letter 2 Dear God, This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Bobby ************** Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again. ************** Letter 3 Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Bobby ************** Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter. ************** Letter 4 God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you, Bobby ************** Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him. Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God. ************** Letter 5 God, I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!! 1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving. 2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee. 3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front. 10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me. 11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. 17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. 18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. 20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog. When the dog is about to bite the woman, the man intervenes and kicks the dog. A reporter was seeing all this. He said "That was great. I'll definitely publish this in newspaper. Tomorrow the headline will be 'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'." The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here. I am from US".

Reporter: "OK. Then the headline will be US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG". Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen. I'm a Pakistani national". Next day, the headline in the paper read.... ..... ... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....

TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG. INTERNET PARKING NOTICE* Offender : You! Date: Today Time: 3:00 a.m. Offence # : in front of the computer TOO LONG! Details of Offence : During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the Internet Police, have discovered that you have been on your chair in front of the computer TOO LONG! You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans, wrappers and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you - sit up straight!) and after you have logged into the real world for a minimum of ten minutes you may log back on to the Internet. Failure to comply may result in loss of reality, carpal tunnel syndrome, and the requirement of a larger chair. The timer starts NOW! Get off your butt - you'll thank us for it later.

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, I didn't recognize you." Boy: I have Been Waiting for this Day Girl: Do You Want Me To Leave? Boy: NO!! Girl: Do You Love me? Boy: Of Course Girl: Will You Ever Cheat On Me? Boy: Never In My Life Girl: Will You Ever Kiss Me? Boy: Every Chance I get Girl: Will You Hit Me? Boy: Are You Crazy?! Girl: Can I Trust You? Boy: Yes! Girl: Sweet Heart!! Read top to bottom, and then bottom to top hehe TELEGRAM #1 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as: "father, your daughter has been successful in BED." *************** TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her." ***************

TELEGRAM #3 A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady." *************** TELEGRAM #4 A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom". *************** TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi . When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar ! gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye ) Reaction from different countries: ************** U.S.A: "A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists. We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson. Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network." (President Bush........whoelse?) **************

U.K: "I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with." (Prime Minister Blair) ************** Iraq: "LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain) ************** Israel:

"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime. We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps." (Ariel Sharon....) ************** Canada: "Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister) ************** India: "Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris. Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border." (Prime Minister Vajpayee) ************** Pakistan: "Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi" (President Musharraf) ************** UN: "Shit happens right??" (Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan) ************** Survivors:

"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening...it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Men: 1. All men are extremely busy. 2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women. 3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them. 4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around. 5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others. 6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them. 7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

*************** Women: 1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security. 2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes. 3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear. 4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully. 5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag". 6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them. 7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam? bcoz it means... . . . .

E-End of T-thinking C-capacity.

************* How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u? ? ? ? ? ?

Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying.. "I Luv u too" .

. GAME OVER.! ************* When do you knw ur in love? Ans. When you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan ************* Wht is the Diff b/wYoung Age & Old Age? * Simple.. In Young Age Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers.. In Old Age Its Full of Doctors Numbers..!************* "Why is Facebook such a hit? It works on the principle that'People are more interested in others life than their own-! ************* A Ques Asked In A Talent Test: If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How wud You Recognize Your WIFE? The Best Answer - Why d Hell Should I recognise? ************* V Pronounce 22 as TwentyTwo, 33 as Thirty Three, 44 as FortyFour,55 as FiftyFive, Why not 11 as OnetyOne? Doubt By last bench asociation... *************

What is the diff.between"GHAZAL" &"LECTURE"? Every word spoken by the girlfriend is "GHAZAL" and Every word spoken by wife is "LECTURE" ************* Wats d diff btwn Pongal n idly?think.think..think... U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly. ************* What will be the girl's name born on 1st of APRIL? Guess Guess Guess Guess "FOOLAN DEVI.. ************* Why does d bride & groom xchange garlands at d time of wedding..... B'coz they say each affectionately that : "DARLING NOW U R DEAD"........... ************* What is the height of confusion? Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles. ************* Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in d same college where u study ? . . . . . . . . . 100% Attendence... :-P *************

Teacher: What Is The Differnce HIMAMI&SUNAMI ? Tintu: HIMAMI is Face Wash,SUNAMI is Total Wash.! ************* Difference between Friend & Wife U can Tell ur Friend U r my Best Friend But . . . . . .

Do u have courage tell to ur Wife U r my Best Wife?