DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN: MUSAR

THE QUESTION: I would like to ask you a question as it is something that has been on my heart recently. It regards Mishle 23:13-14: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he does not die. Beat him with a rod and deliver his being from the grave" Also, Mishle 22:15 "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline drives it far from him." And, Mishle 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him, seeks him with discipline." Are these scriptures as simple and straight forward as they seem? That we are to smack our children with a "rod" to discipline them? This is how we have read them, but I wanted your opinion, experience and research on the matter as I would hate to get it wrong! THE ANSWER: Rebellion consistently needs to be answered with MUSAR (H4148; root YASAR H3256), rebuke, correction, chastisement, warning, instruction. This can be with literal blows, or words. One works better than the other for children, as I will explain below. From the very first signs of rebellion in our children, we need to guide them by instilling in them the concept of "consequences". Having been a child once myself, I recall incurring the belt of my father over mistakes, or unintentional offenses. At no point did I ever intend to disobey my parents, but through the discipline of the belt I learned to tread more carefully in everything I thought, spoke, or did. It was fear at first, but this grew into a sincere desire to please them. When I pleased them, they praised whatever it was, which nurtured better behavior even more. Instilling the fear of punishment in our

children is important, and it needs to be a belt, paddle, or other safe item that they can focus on avoiding contact with. Training needs consistency, because behavior is directly tied to positive or negative expectations in the subject being trained. With our first son, we tried to guide him with "conversation" (the word approach) rather than the paddle (blows) for his first six years. We would give him 5 minute "time-outs" in the corner. After years of this, we realized it failed and actually caused him to develop into a "strong-willed" child. The penalty for unacceptable behavior needs to be administered rapidly, and as their tears subside we need to explain that we did it because we love them. A parent that does not discipline (MUSAR) their child either does not care, or is misled by propaganda that will cause the child to develop into a self-centered bully, and they will become manipulators of everyone around them. Children who are raised in a fatherless environment are the most prone to become criminals. Proverbs needs to be taken literally, AND DESCRIBES CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. Proverbs 23:13, 14 informs us clearly to strike, but this is done in love, not anger. It is not a beating that causes damage, but it is done only to get their attention, and guide them to focus on perfecting their behavior. The strikes need not be more than 3 or 4 moderately firm blows to the gluteus maximus. We must not strike the head of a child, or shake them in any way. The goal is to instill self-control in our children. They will grow up into adults having learned that bad behavior has consequences. The great majority of children being raised today are lacking this knowledge, and societies are suffering their own consequences as a result. Heb 12:5-11: And you have forgotten the appeal which speaks to you as to sons, My son, do not despise the discipline of Yahuah, nor faint when you are reproved by Him, for whom Yahuah loves, He disciplines, and flogs every son whom He receives. (Prov. 3:11-12) If you endure discipline, Elohim is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become sharers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Moreover, we indeed had fathers of our flesh disciplining us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they indeed disciplined us for a few days as seemed best to them, but He does it for our profit, so that we might share His apartness. And indeed, no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but grievous, but afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Love to all, brother Lew Torah Institute POB 436044, Louisville, KY 40253