Study Questions on The Art of

Thinking
Chapter 1 Developing Your Thinking: An Overview
1. What is thinking, according to the abbreviated definition Ruggiero
gives in the first chapter?
2. What are the two phases of thinking? What side of the brain is each
associated with? In each phase, what are good thinkers likely to do?
Poor thinkers?
3. What are the characteristics of good problem solvers? Poor problem
solvers?
4. What is the function of writing in discovering ideas?
Chapter 2 Establish a Foundation
1. Define free will. Define determinism.
2. Does Ruggiero believe there is such a thing as the final truth? Does
he believe people can find it? Is truth nothing more than what we SAY
it is?
3. What are the three main ways of "knowing" something?
4. What is the "problem" with remembering as a way of knowing?
5. What are the two kinds of opinions? Which of these kinds is worth
constructing arguments about?
6. What is the main principle of moral judgment? What are the working
principles which help us to make complex judgments with some
confidence?
7. When two or more moral principles are in conflict, what three-part
guide does Ruggiero give for sorting the issue out?
8. What is a dilemma? What two principles can be used as guides in
making decisions about dilemmas?
Chapter 3 Broaden Your Perspective
1. What is acculturation? How do we become acculturated?
2. What are three steps toward achieving individuality?
3. What is the "Mine-Is-Better Habit"?
4. What is "Face Saving"?
5. What are two typical reasons for resistance to change?
6. What is the difference between useful conformity and harmful
conformity? Give examples of each.
7. What is stereotyping? Why is is different from generalizing?
8. Give five examples of self deception. Why do people deceive
themselves so often and so much?
Chapter 4 Sharpen Your Analytical Skills
1. What are five important distinctions people need to make when they
are analyzing arguments? Define the terms of each distinction.
2. What is an "essential argument"? What is evidence?
3. What are the three steps in analyzing an argument?
Chapter 5 The Creative Process
1. Name four key facts about creativity according to recent creativity
research.
2. Name five characteristics of creative people. Define the terms
Ruggiero uses to describe them.
3. Name six kinds of things to do to apply creative thinking to a
problem. Give one example of each approach.
4. Name the four sequential stages of creative thinking. Define each
stage.
Chapter 6 Search for Challenges
1. What is the importance of curiosity in creativity? How is natural
curiosity lost over time?
2. How can a person regain his curiosity? Name the six techniques
Ruggiero suggests and give a real-life example of someone carrying
out each of the techniques (one person per technique).
Chapter 7 Express the Problem or Issue
1. Point out the difference between a problem and an issue.
2. What is the main question form for expressing a problem?
3. What is the main question form for expressing an issue?
4. Name three guidlines for expressing both problems and issues.
5. Name three benefits of careful expression of problems and issues.
Chapter 8 Investigating the Problem or Issue
1. Name the three major sources of information for investigating a
problem or issue.
2. What does it mean to "maintain a questioning perspective?"
3. What are the guidelines for conducting a successful interview?
4. Name five approaches to finding information in the library after you
have determined some possible subject headings to look for it by?
Chapter 9 Produce Ideas
1. Name the seven techniques for stimulating your imagination.
Explain each one and give an example of a possible occasion a person
might productively use each.
2. Define originality as Ruggiero means it.
3. Why do most thinkers need to withhold judgment longer than they
do? Explain.
4. Name and define the three most common obstacles to creative
thinking. How can each be overcome?
Chapter 10 The Role of Criticism
1. What is critical thinking according to Ruggiero?
2. What are the two reasons criticism is important in thinking?
3. Name two reasons criticism of your own ideas is so hard.
4. What is an assumption?
5. Name four assumptions that will interfere with your criticism of your
own ideas.
6. Name four questions to ask in refining your solution to a problem.
7. Name three questions to ask in refining your position on an issue.
Chapter 11 Refine Your Solution to the Problem
1. Name three steps in refining your solution to a problem.
2. What does "working out the details" mean?
3. What are four methods of "finding imperfections and complications?"
Chapter 12 Evaluate Your Argument or Issue
1. What does validity mean?
2. What is the difference between validity and truth?
3. What is a fallacy?
4. What is a syllogism?
5. What is deductive reasoning?
6. What is inductive reasoning?
Chapter 13 Refine Your Resolution of the Issue
1. When you are suggesting a plan of action as the result of a decision
on an issue, what four kinds of things is it useful to do to test your plan
for difficulties?
2. What are the common kinds of imperfections in plans?
Chapter 14 Anticipate Negative Reactions
1. What are the four most common reasons for negative reactions to
creative ideas?
2. What is "the brainstorming technique"? What would you use it to
accomplish?
3. What is "the imaginary dialogue technique"? What would you use it
to accomplish?
Chapter 15 Build A Persuasive Case
1. What six questions should you ask yourself to help you analyze your
reader's needs for explanation?
2. What are the four pieces of advice Ruggiero provides for presenting
your ideas skillfully?
3. What are the three principles governing appropriate timing of the
presentation of an argument?
Time management
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Time management includes tools or techniques for planning and scheduling time, usually with
the aim to increase the effectiveness and/or efficiency of personal and corporate time use. These
are embodied in a number of books, seminars and courses, which may offer conflicting advice.
The common denominators of these strategies are a to-do-list, setting priorities and goal
management. Some of the best known examples of time management strategies are tied to
specific lines of time management products.

Time management for personal use is a type of self-management. In a corporate setting, time
management software can satisfy the need to control employees, make it easier to coordinate
work and increases accountability of individual employees.

Planning time and writing to-do-lists also consumes time and needs to be scheduled. This is one
of the major criticisms of time management.
Contents
[hide]

• 1 Overview
• 2 Task list
o 2.1 Task list organization
o 2.2 Software applications
o 2.3 Resistors
o 2.4 Drivers
o 2.5 Caveats
 2.5.1 Dwelling on the lists
 2.5.2 Rigid adherence
• 3 The four generations of time management
o 3.1 First generation: reminders
o 3.2 Second generation: planning and preparation
o 3.3 Third generation: planning, prioritizing, controlling
o 3.4 Fourth generation: being efficient and proactive
• 4 Techniques for setting priorities
o 4.1 ABC analysis
o 4.2 Pareto analysis
o 4.3 Fit
o 4.4 POSEC METHOD
o 4.5 Eisenhower-Method
• 5 See also
• 6 References
• 7 Books

• 8 External Links

[edit] Overview

Time management strategies are usually associated with the recommendation to set goals. These
goals are written down and broken down into a project, an action plan or a simple To do list.
Deadlines are set and priorities are assigned to the individual items on the to-do-list. This process
results in a daily plan with a to-do-list. Some authors recommend a weekly instead of a daily
perspective.

[edit] Task list

A task list (also to-do list) is a list of tasks to be completed, such as chores or steps toward
completing a project. It is an inventory tool that serves as an alternative to memory.

Task lists are used in self-management, grocery lists, business management, project
management, and software development. It may involve more than one list.
When you accomplish one of the items on a task list, you check it off or cross it off. The
traditional method is to write these on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil, usually on a note pad
or clip-board. Numerous software equivalents are now available, and many popular e-mail
clients include task list applications, as do most PDAs. There are also several web-based task list
applications, many of which are free.

[edit] Task list organization

Task lists are often tiered. The simplest tiered system includes a general to-do list (or task-
holding file) to record all the tasks the person needs to accomplish, and a daily to-do list which is
created each day by transferring tasks from the general to-do list.

Task lists are often prioritized:

• An early advocate of "ABC" prioritization was Alan Lakein (See Books below.).
In his system "A" items were the most important ("A-1" the most important
within that group), "B" next most important, "C" least important.

• A particular method of applying the ABC method[1] assigns "A" to tasks to be

done within a day, "B" a week, and "C" a month.

• To prioritize a daily task list, one either records the tasks in the order of
highest priority, or assigns them a number after they are listed ("1" for
highest priority, "2" for second highest priority, etc.) which indicates in which
order to execute the tasks. The latter method is generally faster, allowing the
tasks to be recorded more quickly.

[edit] Software applications

Modern task list applications may have built-in task hierarchy (tasks are composed of subtasks
which again may contain subtasks), may support multiple methods of filtering and ordering the
list of tasks, and may allow to associate arbitrarily long notes for each task.

Task list applications may be thought as lightweight personal information manager or project
management software.

Task list is also a synonym for process list i.e. the list of program instances (processes) the
computer is currently executing.

[edit] Resistors

• Fear of change: Change can be daunting and one may be afraid to change
what's proven to work in the past.
 • Uncertainty: Even with the change being inevitable, one may be hesitant as
being not sure where to start. Uncertainty about when or how to begin
making a change can be significant.

• Lack of time: To save time, one has to invest time, and this time investment
may be a cause of concern. Fearing that changing may involve more work at
the start is a common resistor.

• Lack of will power: Why change if one really not need to? The greatest
problem is a lack of will.

[edit] Drivers

• Increased effectiveness: One may feel the need to make more time so as to
be more effective in performing the job and carrying out responsibilities.

• Performance improvement: Time management is an issue that often arises

during performance appraisals or review meetings.

• Personal development: One may view changing the approach to time

management as a personal development issue and reap the benefit of
handling time differently at work and at home.

• Increased responsibilities: A change in time-management approach may

become necessary as a result of a promotion or additional responsibilities.
Since there is more work to do, and still the same amount of time to do it in,
the approach must change.

[edit] Caveats

[edit] Dwelling on the lists

• According to Sandberg[2], task lists "aren't the key to productivity [that]

they're cracked up to be". He reports an estimated "30% of listers spend
more time managing their lists than [they do] completing what's on them".

• This could be caused by procrastination: by prolonging the planning activity,

the individual avoids the tasks he should be doing by creating the illusion
that he's still necessarily preparing for them. This is akin to analysis paralysis.
As with any activity, there's a point of diminishing returns. For a task system
to be efficient and effective, the user must recognize this, conquer his or her
procrastination, and focus on completing the tasks.

[edit] Rigid adherence

• Hendrickson asserts[3] that rigid adherence to task lists can create a "tyranny
of the to-do list" that forces one to "waste time on unimportant activities".
 • Again, the point of diminishing returns applies here too, but toward the size of
the task. Some level of detail must be taken for granted for a task system to
work. Rather than put "clean the kitchen", "clean the bedroom", and "clean
the bathroom", it is more efficient to put "housekeeping" and save time spent
writing and reduce the system's administrative load (each task entered into
the system generates a cost in time and effort to manage it, aside from the
execution of the task). The risk of consolidating tasks, however, is that
"housekeeping" in this example may prove overwhelming or nebulously
defined, which will either increase the risk of procrastination, or a
mismanaged project.

• Listing routine tasks wastes time. If you are in the habit of brushing your
teeth every day, then there is no reason to put it down on the task list. The
same goes for getting out of bed, fixing meals, etc. If you need to track
routine tasks, then a standard list or chart may be useful, to avoid the
procedure of manually listing these items over and over.

• To remain flexible, a task system must allow adaptation, in the form of

rescheduling in the face of unexpected problems and opportunities, to save
time spent on irrelevant or less than optimal tasks.

• To avoid getting stuck in a wasteful pattern, the task system should also
include regular (monthly, semi-annual, and annual) planning and system-
evaluation sessions, to weed out inefficiencies and ensure the user is headed
in the direction he or she truly desires.

• If some time is not regularly spent on achieving long-range goals, the

individual may get stuck in a perpetual holding pattern on short-term plans,
like staying at a particular job much longer than originally planned.

[edit] The four generations of time management

Stephen R. Covey offers a categorization scheme for the hundreds of time management
approaches that are on the market today.

[edit] First generation: reminders

[edit] Second generation: planning and preparation

People in the second generation use calendars and appointment books. They will note where
meetings are held and identify deadlines; this is sometimes even done on a computer. As opposed
to the first generation, the second generation plans and prepares, schedules future appointments,
and sets goals. This in turn saves their time.
[edit] Third generation: planning, prioritizing, controlling

Third generation time managers prioritize their activities on a daily basis. They tend to use
detailed forms of daily planning on a computer or on a paper-based organizer. This approach
implies spending some time in clarifying values and priorities.

[edit] Fourth generation: being efficient and proactive

Author Stephen R. Covey refers to his approach in First Things First as the 4th generation of
time management and emphasizes the difference between urgency and importance in planning.
For example: some people may go their entire lives completely missing out on important things
(like spending time with their children before they have grown up) because it was never
"urgent." The point is not to ignore urgent things, but to embrace important things without
waiting for them to become urgent.

Urgency can be deceptive. It can make some unimportant things appear to be important. Also,
making time for important things may require spending less time on unimportant things,
regardless of their urgency.

[edit] Techniques for setting priorities

[edit] ABC analysis

A technique that has been used in business management for a long time is the categorization of
large data into groups. These groups are often marked A, B, and C—hence the name. Activities
that are perceived as having highest priority are assigned an A, those with lowest priority
are labeled C. ABC analysis can incorporate more than three groups. ABC analysis is frequently
combined with Pareto analysis.

[edit] Pareto analysis

This is the idea that 80% of tasks can be completed in 20% of the disposable time. The remaining
20% of tasks will take up 80% of the time. This principle is used to sort tasks into two parts.
According to this form of Pareto analysis it is recommended that tasks that fall into the first
category be assigned a higher priority.

The 80-20-rule can also be applied to increase productivity: it is assumed that 80% of the
productivity can be achieved by doing 20% of the tasks. If productivity is the aim of time
management, then these tasks should be prioritized higher.

[edit] Fit

The concept of fit is simple yet profound. Essentially, fit is the congruence of the requirements of
a task (location, financial investment, time, etc.) with the available resources at the time. Often
people are constrained by externally controlled schedules, locations, etc., and "fit" allows us to
maximize our productivity given those constraints. For example, if one encounters a gap of 15
minutes in their schedule, it is typically more efficient to complete a task that would require 15
minutes, than to complete a task that can be done in 5 minutes, or to start a task that would take 4
weeks. This concept also applies to time of the day: free time at 7am is probably less usefully
applied to the goal of learning the drums, and more productively a time to read a book. Lastly, fit
can be applied to location: free time at home would be used differently from free time at work, in
town, etc.

[edit] POSEC METHOD

POSEC is an acronym for Prioritize by Organizing, Streamlining, Economizing and

Contributing.

The method dictates a template which emphasises an average individual's immediate sense of
emotional and monetary security. It suggests that by attending to one's personal responsibilities
first, an individual is better positioned to shoulder collective responsibilities.

Inherent in the acronym is a hierarchy of self-realization which mirrors Abraham Maslow's

"Hierarchy of needs".

1. PRIORITIZE-Your time and define your life goals by.

2. ORGANIZING-Things you have to accomplish regularly to be successful.
(Family and Finances)
3. STREAMLINING-Things you may not like to do, but must do. (Work and
Chores)
4. ECONOMIZING-Things you should do or may even like to do, but they're not
pressingly urgent. (Past-times and Socializing)
5. CONTRIBUTING-By paying attention to the few remaining things that make a
difference. (Social Obligations)

[edit] Eisenhower-Method

This method was used by US President Dwight D. Eisenhower.

All tasks are evaluated using the criteria important/unimportant and urgent/not urgent and put in
according quadrants. Tasks in unimportant/not urgent are dropped, tasks in important/urgent are
done immediately and personally, tasks in unimportant/urgent are delegated and tasks in
important/not urgent get an end date and are done personally.

The Art Of Thinking

Thinking efficiently requires more than just logic. Here are some tips on developing the art of
thinking.
What do I mean by the art of thinking? It may seem that powerful thinking should simply be
logical, and nothing more. The ideal thinker then, might be Spock, the "Vulcan" in the "Star
Trek" television show and movies. Of course, if you watch the program, you may recall that the
humans aboard the spaceship had most of the solutions and new ideas. Spock only knew how to
analyze.

The most useful processes of thought need to do more than run a "logic program." After all, we
need to choose what to think about, and we also sometimes need new ways to think about things.
These tasks are not a matter of applying logic, but of choosing values and pursuing them
creatively.

This is where the art of thinking comes into play. A definition of art: "Disciplines, or those parts
of disciplines, which do not rely solely on the scientific method." This includes such arts as
economic forecasting and psychological therapy, which might someday rely solely on the
scientific method. However, at the moment neither these nor thinking can be described, taught,
or practiced solely as a scientific method.

To understand this it might help to use another art as a metaphor. Painting, for example, can shed
some light on thinking. The goal is to express something on canvas. You start with the paints,
brushes, palettes and other tools. But all the best tools aren't enough.

You need to learn how to paint. You learn to draw, and perhaps learn the geometry of creating
perspective in a scene. You learn how to mix the colors and how to show light reflecting. This is
the science of painting.

The tools and science still aren't enough, though. You need to practice, so you paint again and
again to learn how to best get various effects. Then, with the tools, the knowledge, and the
practice, you are ready to create something new of your own. Perhaps. Of course there is nothing
in your painting books that says, "This is what you want to say with your painting." Here, the
"art" enters. First, you choose according to your values what you will paint.

Then you find a way to express yourself creatively. You rely on your intuition to show something
new, some unique perspective that means something to you (and hopefully others).

How do you know how well you did? First, the painting either makes sense to you or it doesn't.
Second, it makes sense to others, or not. Of course, some won't appreciate a good painting, but if
nobody sees the value in your painting, it isn't likely that they are all aesthetically "blind."
Feedback matters, because painting is not just about expressing yourself, but also about
communicating your vision to others.

Painting With Thoughts

Want to improve your art of thinking? Start with better tools. Just as a better paintbrush can help
produce a better painting, better reasoning skills, or more observation, or more experience can
lead to more useful, valuable, and even beautiful thoughts. Your intuition, which guides you in
the use of these other tools, should be developed. But good tools are not enough.

You need knowledge. Knowing more things gives you more options in combining those things
into new ideas. Practice gives you more skill in doing this as well. Expand the base of your
knowledge then, and practice thinking of new ideas. But tools, knowledge and practice are still
not enough.

Like a painter, you need to start with your values to decide where to apply your thinking. What is
worth thinking about? Then you need to look at your thoughts and ask if they make sense. You
also need to throw them out there into the public sphere - at least among friends - to see if they
make sense to others. Do at least some people understand the picture you are painting with your
words?

By the way, talking to others is a form of thinking (at least it can be). Just as the communication
between the various parts of your brain creates new ideas, so does the interplay of two minds in a
conversation. Good conversation can be an important part of the art of thinking.

What else? Like a painter, you should experiment. You should mix those "paints" up differently
from time to time, just to see what you get. You should try a new type of canvas (think on paper,
in poetry, in stories?), or a new subject matter.

You should watch the process of your own thoughts, learn from it, and adapt accordingly. Much
of what you learn will be at a level below consciousness. To use this, even as you guide your
thoughts consciously, you have to allow for the intuitive as well. It is in this interplay between
the conscious and unconscious that the art of thinking really blossoms.

Copyright Steve Gillman. For more on How To Increase Brain Power, and to get the Brain Power
Newsletter and other free gifts, visit: http://www.IncreaseBrainPower.com

By Steven Gillman
Published: 6/26/2007
Ravi Zacharias
The Dying Art of Thinking
1992

printer friendly version (opens in a new window)

The 17th-century French philosopher Rene Descartes (pronounced Day-Kart) is best known for
his dictum, "I think, therefore, I am." A cynic may well quip that Descartes actually put des cart
before des horse, because all he could have legitimately deduced was, "I think, therefore,
thinking exists." I do not intend to defend or counter Cartesian philosophy; I only wish to
underscore that thinking has much to do with life and certainty.

One of the tragic casualties of our age has been that of the contemplative life—a life that thinks,
thinks things through, and more particularly, thinks God's thoughts after Him.

A person sitting at his desk and staring out of the window would never be assumed to be
working. No! Thinking is not equated with work. Yet, had Newton under his tree, or Archimedes
in his bathtub bought into that prejudice, some natural laws would still be up in the air, or buried
under an immovable rock. Pascal's Pensees, a work that has inspired millions, would have never
been penned.

The Bible places supreme value in the thought life. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he,"
Solomon wrote. Jesus asserted that sin's gravity lay in the idea itself, not just the act. Paul
admonished the church at Philippi to have the mind of Christ, and to the same people he wrote,
"Whatever is true . . . pure . . . if there be any virtue . . . think on these things."

The follower of Christ must demonstrate to the world what it is not just to think, but to think
justly. But how does one manage this in a culture where progress is determined by pace and
defined by quantity?

What is even more destructive is that the greatest demand comes from neither speed nor quantity,
but rather from the assumption that silence is inimical to life.

The radio in the car, Muzak in the elevator, and the symphony entertaining the "on hold" callers
add up as impediments to personal reflection. In effect, the mind is denied the privilege of living
with itself even briefly, and is crowded with outside impulses to cope with aloneness.

Aldous Huxley's indictment, "Most of one's life . . . is one prolonged effort to prevent thinking",
seems frightfully true. The price paid for this scenario has been devastating. T. S. Eliot observed:

"Where is the life we have lost in the living?

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?

Where is the knowledge we have lost in information ?

The cycles of heaven in twenty centuries

bring us farther from God and nearer to dust."

Is there a remedy? May I make some suggestions for personal and corporate benefit?

Study God's Word

Nothing ranks higher for mental discipline than a planned and systematic study of God's Word,
from whence life's parameters and values are planted in the mind. Paul, who loved his books and
parchments, affirmed the priority of Scripture: "Do not go beyond what is written." Psalm 119
promises that God's statutes keep us from being double-minded.

Read Great Books

The English-speaking world is endowed with a wealth of books. But much contemporary
literature comes perilously close to a promiscuous religion with an appeal for the "feel better"
syndrome, rather than the impetus to "go deeper."
Read authors who stretch you and introduce you to other writings as well. Great writers stimulate
your capacity to think beyond their ideas, spawning fresh insights and extensions of your own.
Good reading is indispensable to impartation of truth. An expenditure of words without the
income of ideas leads to conceptual bankruptcy.

Challenge the Mind

The church as a whole, and thepulpit in particular, must challenge the mind of this generation,
else we betray our trust. The average young person today actually surrenders the intellect to the
world, presuming Christianity to be bereft of it. Many a pulpit has succumbed to the lie that
anything intellectual cannot be spiritual or exciting.

Thankfully there are exceptions. When living in England, our family attended a church pastored
by Roy Clements, one of the finest preachers in the western world. Every Sunday at two morning
services he preached a one-hour sermon to a packed auditorium.

Cambridge, being rife with skepticism, demanded a meticulous defense of each sermon text from
the assaults of liberalism. An introduction of a technical nature would take up to 15 minutes of
his time before he entered into the heart of his message.

I mention this to say one thing. When we were leaving Cambridge, Nathan, who was nine years
old, declared the preaching of Roy Clements to be one of his fondest memories. Even as a little
boy he had learned that when the mind is rightly approached, it filters down to the heart. The
matter I share here has far-reaching implications. We do a disservice to our youth by not
crediting them with the capacity to think. We cannot leave this uncorrected.

This is our first issue of Just Thinking. It is our hope that this newsletter will challenge your
mind and stir your heart. After all, it is not that I think, therefore, I am, but rather, the Great I Am
has asked us to think, and therefore, we must. And we must serve Him with all our minds.

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

TOPICS:

• What Is Anger?
• Anger Management
• Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay?
• Do You Need Counseling?

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-
fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control
and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships,
and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of
an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and
control anger.

What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,"
according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like
other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry,
your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline,
and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific
person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your
anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of
traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural,
adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which
allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger,
therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys
us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry
feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your
angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger.
To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met,
without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being
respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your
anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress
your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is
that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger
turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger,
such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why,
rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile.
People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical
comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't
likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but
also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself
down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or
something—is going to get hurt."

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological
arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you,
nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger
you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with
anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and
frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management,

some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more
intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud
spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always
curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for
frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration,
inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated
if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or
physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered,
and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is
often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other
emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it
constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily
angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional
communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to
hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and
aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those
triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry
feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you
learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a
relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to
learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax
you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it
to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or
your imagination.
• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you
feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak
in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can
get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones.
For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell
yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the
world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else.
"This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just
inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to
solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to
work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better
(and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So
use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're
just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting
the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand
things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants
these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people
demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part
of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature
and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is
healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what
you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not
anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the
hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our
lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties.
There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to
find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to
focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to
punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best
intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose
patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be
very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think
through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and
think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other
person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom
and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or
she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a
warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's
underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take
a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let
your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the
situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a
more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in
some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at
work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture
a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone,
going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you
can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off
your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my
way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of
their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe
other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who
owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations
while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more
chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how
unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor.
First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them
more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of
unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a
serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems
and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have
fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day
that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing
rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless
the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from
her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're
tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about
important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the
door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up
the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and
frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested
or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Do You Need Counseling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships
and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it
better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in
developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that
you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this
isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express
them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly
angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on
the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?

It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most
books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger.
These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others
walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain
some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you

could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger;
and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration,
pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but
you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your
angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the
long run.
Anger management
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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This article has been tagged since October 2006.

The term anger management commonly refers to a system of psychological therapeutic

techniques and exercises by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control
or reduce the triggers, degrees, and effects of an angered emotional state.

Some techniques for controlling anger are: Stop Talking, Stop Staring, Leave the Room. Finding
agreement with the other party, no matter how small, is important such as "You are right, I am
inconsiderate so will help clean up". Note that the word inconsiderate could have been part of a
much larger argumentative statement.

Healthy adults need to be able to hint, to use, or to pretend "anger": either management or
mismanagement (or both), as is appropriate. Competent teachers, law-enforcement, and other
authority figures are especially skilled in anger management. Teams of such practitioners may
decide beforehand or in real-time, to play "Good-Bad Cop" roles.

In some countries courses in anger management may be mandated by a legal system.

Typical anger management "techniques" are the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means
to relaxation. Other interventions include learning empathy, stress management skills,
forgiveness, changing self-talk, and improving optimism. As the issue of anger varies from
person to person, the treatments are designed to be personal to the individual.
Contents
[hide]

• 1 Anger in modern society

• 2 Symptoms of anger
o 2.1 Passive anger
o 2.2 Aggressive anger
• 3 Methods of anger management

• 4 External links

[edit] Anger in modern society

In modern society, anger is viewed as an immature or uncivilized response to frustration, threat,

violation, or loss. Conversely, keeping calm, coolheaded, or turning the other cheek is considered
more socially acceptable. This conditioning can cause inappropriate expressions of anger, such as
uncontrolled, violent outbursts or misdirected anger, or, at the other extreme, repressing feelings
of anger (or lacking them altogether) when those feelings would be an appropriate response to
the situation. Also, anger that is constantly “bottled up” can lead to persistent violent thoughts or
nightmares, or even physical symptoms like headaches, ulcers, or hypertension.

Anger can aggravate several mental health problems. Anger can fuel depression. People who are
depressed generally don’t take care of themselves. They indulge in self-destructive activities,
such as too much drinking, smoking, overeating, taking risks, and not watching their finances.
Depressed people have less energy, reduced appetite, and need more sleep. Their work
performance will drop and relationships will deteriorate. Many people believe that depression is
in fact anger turned inward. The reason for this assumption is because many depressives react to
stress by turning their anger inward as a response to physical or emotional abuse, or neglect from
parents or parent figures. After a while, the coping mechanisms become habits that they use
inappropriately and indiscriminately whenever they perceive loss or frustration. Depressives tend
to grow up believing that if they are hurt or abused, there are merely two options available,
which are self-blame and denial of blame. One secondary effect of the depressive’s denial of
anger is that their interpersonal relationships are often unhappy and they do not get the ‘breaks’
that other people seem to get. They may not get promotions, social invitations or love because
the reality is that most people do not want to be around depressed people for any length of time,
both at home and at work. Another side-effect of anger is that it can fuel obsessions, phobias and
addictions. Obsessions and phobias arise from situations when, for some reason or another, we
feel we are either losing control of ourselves or the world around us. Anger can also fuel manic
tendencies. Many people who are not able to express their anger let it out in furious activity.
Sometimes this activity reaches a breaking point and results in clinical depression or even bipolar
disorder. Anger can also fan the flames of paranoia and prejudice, even in normal, everyday
situations. People tend to express their anger either passively or aggressively with the basic
‘flight’ response, which is repression and denial of anger. Aggressive behavior is associated with
the ‘fight’ response and the use of the verbal and physical power of anger to abuse and hurt
others.
[edit] Symptoms of anger

Anger can be of one of two main types: passive anger and aggressive anger. These types of anger
have some characteristic symptoms:

[edit] Passive anger

Passive anger can be expressed in the following ways:

• Secretive behavior, such as stockpiling resentments that are expressed

behind people’s backs or through sly digs, giving the silent treatment or
under the breath mutterings, avoiding eye contact, putting people down,
gossip, anonymous complaints, poison pen letters, stealing, and conning.
• Manipulation, such as provoking people to aggression and then patronizing
forgiveness, provoking aggression but staying on the sidelines, emotional
blackmail, ingenuine tearfulness, feigning illness, sabotaging relationships,
using sexual provocation, using a third party to convey negative feelings,
withholding money or resources.
• Self-blame, such as apologizing too often, being overly critical, inviting
criticism.
• Self-sacrifice, such as being overly helpful, pointedly making do with second
best, quietly making long suffering signs but refusing help, or lapping up
gratefulness and making friendly digs where it is not forthcoming.
• Ineffectual, such as setting yourself and others up for failure, choosing
unreliable people to depend on, being accident prone, underachieving, sexual
impotence, expressing frustration at insignificant things but ignoring serious
ones.
• Dispassionate, such as giving the cold shoulder or phony smiles, looking
cool, sitting on the fence while others sort things out, dampening feelings
with substance abuse (to include overeating), oversleeping, not responding to
other’s anger, frigidity, indulging in sexual practices that depress spontaneity
and make objects of participants, giving inordinate amounts of time to
machines, objects or intellectual pursuits, talking of frustrations but showing
no feeling.
• Obsessional behavior, such as needing to be clean and tidy, making a
habit of constantly checking, over-dieting or overeating, demanding that all
jobs are done perfectly.
• Evasiveness, such as turning your back in a crisis, avoiding conflict, not
arguing back, becoming phobic.

[edit] Aggressive anger

The symptoms of aggressive anger are:

• Threatening, such as frightening people by saying how you could harm

them, their property or their prospects, finger pointing, fist shaking, wearing
clothes associated with violent behavior, driving on someone’s tail, setting on
a car horn, slamming doors.
 • Hurtful, such as physical violence, verbal abuse, unfair jokes, breaking a
confidence, playing loud music, using foul language, ignoring people’s
feelings, willfully discriminating, blaming, or punishing people for deeds they
are known not to have committed, labeling others.
• Destructive, such as harming objects,knowingly destroying a relationship
between two people, driving recklessly, drinking too much.
• Bullying, such as threatening people, persecuting, pushing or shoving, using
power to oppress, shouting, using a powerful car to force someone off the
road, playing on people’s weaknesses.
• Unjustly blaming, such as accusing other people for your own mistakes,
blaming people for your own feelings, making general accusations.
• Manic, such as speaking too fast, walking too fast, working too much and
expecting others to fit in, driving too fast, reckless spending.
• Grandiose, such as showing off, expressing mistrust, not delegating, being a
poor loser, wanting center stage all the time, not listening, talking over
people’s heads, expecting kiss and make-up sessions to solve problems.
• Selfish, such as ignoring other’s needs, not responding to requests for help,
queue jumping, ‘cutting in’ when driving.
• Revengeful, such as being over-punitive, refusing to forgive and forget,
bringing up hurtful memories from the past.
• Unpredictable, such as blowing hot and cold, explosive rages over minor
frustrations, attacking indiscriminately, dispensing punishment out of the
blue, inflicting harm on other just for the sake of it, using drink and drugs that
are known to destabilize mood, using illogical arguments.

It should be stated that anyone displaying any of these behaviors does not always have an anger
management problem.

[edit] Methods of anger management

Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and
allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Examples of which are:

• Direct, such as not beating around the bush, making behavior visible and
conspicuous, using body language to indicate feelings clearly and honestly,
anger directly at persons concerned.
• Honorable, such as making it apparent that there is some clear moral basis
for the anger, being prepared to argue your case, never using manipulation
or emotional blackmail, never abusing another person’s basic human rights,
never unfairly depowering the weak or defenseless, taking responsibility for
actions.
• Foci, such as sticking to the issue of concern, not bringing up irrelevant
material.
• Persistent, such as repeating the expression of feeling in the argument over
and over again, standing your ground.
• Courageous, such as taking calculated risks, enduring short term discomfort
for long term gain, risking displeasure of some people some of the time,
taking the lead, not showing fear of other’s anger, standing outside the crowd
and owning up to differences, using self-protective skills.
 • Passionate, such as using full power of the body to show intensity of feeling,
being excited and motivated, acting dynamically and energetically, initiating
change, showing fervent caring, being fiercely protective, enthusing others.
• Creative, such as thinking quickly, using more wit, spontaneously coming up
with new ideas and new views on subjects.
• Forgiving, such as demonstrating a willingness to hear other people’s anger
and grievances, showing an ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has
been expressed.
• With regard to interpersonal anger, Dr. Fiendler recommends[1] that people
try, in the heat of an angry moment, to see if they can understand where the
alleged perpetrator is coming from. Empathy is very difficult when angry, but
it can make all the difference in the world. Isn't it frequently the case that
when we get intensely angry at someone, the next day we feel guilty to some
degree? We may say to ourselves something like, "You know, they did have a
point. I sort of over-reacted." Taking the other person's point of view can be
excruciating when in the throes of anger, but with practice it can become
second nature.
• Try to listen carefully to what is being said to you. Anger creates a hostility
filter, and often all you can hear is negatively toned.

Buddhists, on the other hand, recommend a slightly different approach. They believe that there
are several antidotes for handling anger, the chief amongst them are patience, understanding
karma, equanimity, and realization of emptiness -- the sum of which can be achieved through
daily Concentration Meditation and Insight Meditation, (or Samatha and Vipassana). The main
issue is that anger is regarded as an incorrect projection of the mind, so that wisdom and insight
can ultimately correct the mind and eliminate anger completely.

[edit] External links

• Cognitive therapy for controlling anger

• Psychology Today, "The Lion Tamer", Jul/Aug 2005
• APA Guide to Anger Management
• Dealing with anger- A Guide to anger management

Managing your anger

James Tighe, clinical nurse research fellow
Everyone feels their anger is justified when they're actually angry. Equally,
we've all looked back and realised we may have overreacted. But for some
people, anger can become a problem that needs to be addressed.

In this article
Understanding anger Dealing with flashpoints

Recognising why you get angry Resolving the issues

Understanding anger

It's important to realise several things about anger before you start tackling it. First, anger is a
normal process that has allowed humans to evolve and adapt. It isn't a bad thing in itself, but
problems occur if it isn't managed in the right way.

Anger is also a mixture of both emotional and physical changes. A big surge of energy goes
through your body as chemicals, such as adrenaline, are released.

Once the cause of the anger is resolved, you may still have to deal with the physical effects - all
that energy has to go somewhere. This can be taken out on another person, such as a partner, or
an object - by punching a wall, for example. This last option can lead down the road to self-
harm.

The other alternative is to suppress the energy until the next time you're angry. This may mean
you release so much pent-up emotion that you overreact to the situation. Realising this can lead
to feelings of shame or frustration when you reflect on your actions, and to further repression of
your feelings.

On the other hand, just letting your anger go in an uncontrolled fashion can lead to a move from
verbal aggression to physical abuse - don't forget, the other person is probably feeling angry with
you too.

But there is a flip side to anger. Because of the surge of energy it creates, it can be pleasurable.
This feeling is reinforced if becoming angry allows the release of feelings of frustration, or if a
person's response to your anger gives you a sense of power.

It's important to acknowledge and keep an eye on this side of the problem - it can have an almost
addictive element.

Recognising why you get angry

It's important to be aware of the positive feelings you get from anger as well as the negative
ones. The first chart, below, is designed to help you think critically about both.

Chart one: decisional grid (print off and keep)

You'll probably get most out of this exercise by discussing it with someone you trust. Abide by a
clear rule not to get angry about what's discussed, and you may learn things you didn't know
about how your anger affects those around you.

It's fairly simple to complete, but take your time - a week or so if necessary. This is going to be
the basis of a fairly major change in the way you relate to other people.

Once you've recognised the positive and negative feelings associated with your anger, it's
important to find other means of getting the positives ones.

Each person's positives are different, so there will be different solutions for everyone, but some
strategies might include:

• Trying a non-contact competitive sport

• Learning relaxation or meditation
• Shouting and screaming in a private, quiet place
• Banging your fists into a pillow
• Going running

Any of these may help to vent your frustration and burn off any feelings you're bottling up.

Dealing with flashpoints

However, this still leaves the problem of dealing differently with those situations that make you
angry. This takes practice.

The first thing to do is list the situations that make you angry. Note down exactly what it is about
them that makes you angry - it may be the immediate situation, or it could be that it represents a
build-up of issues you haven't resolved.

Now ask yourself four questions about your interpretation of these situations:

1. What evidence is there to show this is accurate?

2. Is there another equally believable interpretation of what's going on here?
3. What action can I take to have some control of the situation?
4. If my best friend were in this situation, what advice would I give to them?

This won't dispel the anger for every situation, but when you're angry it can be difficult to assess
a situation accurately. If a situation arises unexpectedly and you feel your temper rising, walk
away and complete this exercise if you can. If this doesn't help, the second chart may help.
Chart two: four questions (print off and keep)

Resolving the issues

If your anger is not resolved by this, make sure you've given enough thought to the third column,
'What exactly am I angry about?'

You need to be sure exactly what you're angry about before you can resolve it. It will usually
involve a person, but not necessarily the one who's the target of your anger in the situation and
this is the person you need to work the situation out with.

To do this, find a time to raise the problem when you feel more in control of your temper. It may
be a good idea to agree a time in advance.

It may feel like a tall order to discuss the issue without getting angry, but following a plan may
help. Professor Richard Nelson-Jones has developed a good structure to use, called CUDSAIR.
This stands for:

• Confront
• Understand
• Define
• Search
• Agree
• Implement
• Review

First, it's important that you confront the problem and not the person. State the nature of the
problem and how it makes you feel. Be clear that it's the problem - not the person - who makes
you feel like this. This way you'll develop a joint definition and ownership of what's going on.

Next, it's important to understand each other's view of the situation. It may help to agree that
each person should be able to say what they think about the problem without being interrupted
by the other. After this, identify areas where you disagree. Don't discuss the disagreements yet,
just agree that you disagree. This is how you define the problem.

The next step is to search for solutions. Here, be as outrageous as you like - but again, don't
make personal attacks. Generate as many possible solutions as you can - at the moment, it doesn't
matter how unrealistic they seem.

Finally, you have to agree on a solution. This is probably the most delicate part of the whole
process. It's important that you both make concessions and acknowledge those that the other
person has made. It's also important not to have unrealistic expectations - it's likely that the final
solution won't be ideal for either of you, but the resulting compromise will probably be better
than the problems the anger generated.

It's important that you both keep to the agreement. It's also important not to overreact to any
breaches. Point them out, but there's no need to get angry. You have the agreement to back you
up.

However well you both stick to the agreement, it's worth having a review some time in the future
to go through the CUDSAIR model again and see if things can't be improved further.

You might like to use chart three to help you through this process. If the problem is complicated,
you may prefer to use a separate page for each of the columns.

Chart three: discussion (print off and keep)

Recommended reading: Human Relationship Skills by Richard Nelson-Jones, ISBN

0415385873.

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Anger Management
This document is also available in a printer-friendly format (PDF 49.6 KB).

• Introduction
• What is anger?
• When does anger become a problem?
• What are some ways to deal with anger?
• Helpful links
• References
Introduction
Anger is a normal human emotion. It can be caused
by anything from a friend’s annoying behavior to
worries about personal problems or memories of a
troubling life event. E
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When handled in a positive way, anger can help o
people stand up for themselves and fight injustices. t
On the other hand, anger can lead to violence and i
injury when not addressed positively. This fact sheet o
is meant to help teens understand and control anger. n
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What is anger? s
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Anger is an emotional state that can range from mild c
irritation to intense fury and rage. Feelings of anger h
actually produce physical changes in the body such as
increased heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline. a
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When does anger become a problem?

Laws, social norms, and just plain common sense tell us not to lash out physically or verbally
every time something irritates us. Otherwise, we could hurt ourselves and others.

What are some ways to deal with anger?

Some people choose to ignore or bottle up anger, but this approach may actually cause more
harm because the root problem is never addressed. Instead, try to manage anger so it can become
a more positive emotion.

Here are some ideas:

Relax. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm (your belly, not your chest) and slowly repeat a
calming word or phrase like "take it easy." Think of relaxing experiences, such as sitting on a
beach or walking through a forest.

Think positively. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you, but rather you’re just
experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life.

Problem-solve. Identify the specific problem that is causing the anger and approach it head-on––
even if the problem does not have a quick solution.

Communicate with others. Angry people tend to jump to conclusions. Slow down and think
carefully about what you want to say. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. At
times, criticism may actually be useful to you.

Manage stress. Make sure to set aside personal time to deal with the daily stresses of school,
activities, and family. Ideas include:

o Listening to music
o Writing in a journal
o Exercising
o Meditating
o Talking about your feelings with someone you trust.

Change the scene. Maybe a change of environment would help reduce angry feelings. For
example, if your friends are angry frequently and/or make you angry, consider making some new
ones who may contribute more to your self-confidence and well-being.

Check out the Conflict Resolution Fact Sheet to learn more about how to work through conflicts
and solve problems without turning to hurtful behavior or violence.
Helpful links

BAM! Guide to Getting Along

BAM! Body and Mind is an online destination for kids ages 9-13 that provides information they
need for making healthy lifestyle choices.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

How Can I Deal With My Anger?

A fact sheet with more advice for teens about managing and expressing anger.
Nemours Foundation

References

American Psychological Association. Controlling anger––before it controls you. [online]. 2005.

[cited 2005 Oct 1]. Available from: www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html.

Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. BAM!
Guide to getting along. 2005. [cited 2005 Oct 1]. Available from:
www.bam.gov/sub_yourlife/yourlife_conflict.html.

Nemours Foundation. How can I deal with my anger? 2005. [cited 2005 Oct 1]. Available from:
www.kidshealth.org/teen/question/emotions/deal_with_anger.html.

Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't
take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk
when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the
phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude .

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every
couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi,this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling
to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the
phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd
been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back
window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell
me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch,
and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time
to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!"
(But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling
me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said,
"Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow
ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And
you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung
up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out
who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well,
asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in
Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two
assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

Personality development

| What is success ?| Success secrets | How to be happy | Memory techniques |

| Sermons | Time Management | How to stop ageing | How to sleep well | more......

How to Win Friends and Influence People

( Guidelines from Dale Carnegie's " How to win friends and influence people" )

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important
sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing
Resentment
A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some
suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your
approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

( Courtesy: http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html )

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

( Guidelines from Dale Carnegie's "How to stop worrying and start living" )

Fundamental facts you should know about worry

1. If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osler did: Live in "day-tight
compartments." Don't stew about the futures. Just live each day u ntil bedtime.
2. The next time Trouble--with a Capital T--backs you up in a corner, try the magic
formula of Willis H. Carrier:
a. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my
problem?
b. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst--if necessary.
c. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst--which you have already mentally
agreed to accept.
3. Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your
health. "Those who do not know how to fight worry die young."

Basic techniques in analyzing worry

1. Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that "half
the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have
sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision."
2. After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
3. Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision--and
dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.
4. When you, or any of your associates, are tempted to worry about a problem, write
out and answer the following questions:
a. What is the problem?
 b. What is the cause of the problem?
c. What are all possible solutions?
d. What is the best solution?

How to break the worry habit before it breaks you

1. Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best
therapies ever devised for curing "wibber gibbers."
2. Don't fuss about trifles. Don't permit little things--the mere termites of life--to ruin
your happines.
3. Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: "What are the odds
against this thing's happening at all?"
4. Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to
change or revise, say to yourself: "It is so; it cannot be otherwise."
5. Put a "stop-less" order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may
be worth--and refuse to give it anymore.
6. Let the past bury its dead. Don't saw sawdust.

Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness

1. Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for "our life is
what our thoughts make it."
2. Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves
far more than we hurt them. Let's do as General Eisenhower does: let's never waste
a minute thinking about people we don't like.
3.
A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that
Jesus healed ten lepers in one day--and only one thanked Him. Why should
we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
B. Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect
gratitude--but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if we want our
children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
4. Count your blessings--not your troubles!
5. Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves, for "envy is ignorance"
and "imitation is suicide."
6. When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
7. Let's forget our own unhappiness--by trying to create a little happiness for others.
"When you are good to others, you are best to yourself."

The perfect way to conquer worry

1. Prayer

How to keep from worrying about criticism

1. Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It often means that you have
aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
2. Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of
criticism from running down the back of your neck.
 3. Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we
can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E.H. Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful,
constructive criticism.

Six ways to prevent fatigue and worry and keep your energy and spirits high

1. Rest before you get tired.

2. Learn to relax at your work.
3. Learn to relax at home.
4. Apply these four good workings habits:
a. Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem
at hand.
b. Do things in the order of their importance.
c. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts to
make a decision.
d. Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise.
5. To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasm into your work.
6. Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia
that does the damage--not the insomnia.

( Courtesy: http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/stop-worry.html )

The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking

( Guidelines from Dorothy Carnegie's book based on Dale Carnegie's "Public speaking and influencing men in business" )

Fundamentals of Effective Speaking

1. Acquiring the Basic Skills

• Take heart from the experience of others

• Keep your goal before you
• Predetermine your mind to success
• Seize every opportunity to practice

2. Developing Confidence

• Get the facts about fear of speaking in public

• Prepare in the proper way
• Predetermine your mind to success
• Act confident

3. Speaking Effectively the Quick and Easy Way

• Speaking about something you have earned the right to talk about through
experience or study
• Be sure you are excited about your subject
 • Be eager to share your talk with your listeners

Speech, Speaker, and Audience

4. Earning the Right to Talk

• Limit your subject

• Develop reserve power
• Fill your talk with illustrations and examples
• Use concrete, familiar words that create pictures

5. Vitalizing the Talk

• Choose subjects you are earnest about

• Relive the Feelings you have about your topic
• Act in earnest

6. Sharing the Talk with the Audience

• Talk in terms of your listeners' interests

• Give honest, sincere appreciation
• Identify yourself with the audience
• Make your audience a partner in your talk
• Play yourself down

The Purpose of Prepared and Impromptu Talks

7. Making the Short Talk to Get Action

• Give your example, an incident from your life

• State your point, what you want the audience to do
• Give the reason or benefit the audience may expect

8. Making the Talk to Inform

• Restrict your subject to fit the time at your disposal

• Arrange your ideas in sequence
• Enumerate your points as you make them
• Compare the strange with the familiar
• Use visual aids

9. Making the Talk to Convince

• Win confidence by deserving it

• Get a Yes-response
• Speakin with contagious enthusiasm
• Show respect and affection for your audience
• Begin in a friendly way
10. Making Impromptu Talks

• Practice impromptu speaking

• Be mentally ready to speak impromptu
• Get into an example immediately
• Speak with animation and force
• Use the principle of the Here and the Now
• Don't talk impromptu--Give an impromptu talk

The Art of Communicating

11. Delivering the Talk

• Crash through your shell of self-consciousness

• Don't try to imitate others--Be yourself
• Converse with your audience
• Put your heart into your speaking
• Practice making your voice strong and flexible

The Challenge of Effective Speaking

12. Introducing Speakers, Presenting and Accepting Awards

• Thoroughly prepare what you are going to say

• Follow the T-I-S Formula
• Be enthusiastic
• Thoroughly prepare the talk of presentation
• Express your sincere feelings in the talk of acceptance

13. Organizing the Longer Talk

• Get attention immediately

• Avoid getting unfavorable attention
• Support your main ideas
• Appeal for action

14. Applying What You Have Learned

• Use specific detail in everyday conversation

• Use effective speaking techniques in your job
• Seek Opportunities to speak in public
• You must persist
• Keep the certainty of reward before you

( Courtesy: http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/easy-speaking.html )

Don't Grow Old - Grow Up!

 ( Guidelines from Dorothy Carnegie's book )

The first step toward maturity - Responsibility

1. Don't kick the Chair. Be willing to account for yourself; don't blame others.
2. Damn the Handicaps! - Full Speed Ahead. Don't make a handicap an excuse for
failure.
3. Five Ways to Ditch Disaster:
1. Accept the inevitable; give time a chance.
2. Take action against trouble.
3. Concentrate on helping others.
4. Use all of life while you have it.
5. Count your blessings.<

Action is for adults

1. Belief is the Basis for Action. Know what you believe and act accordingly.
2. Analyze Before You Act.
3. Two Wonderful Words that Changed a Life. When the time for action arrives,
don't hesitate.

Three great rules for mental health: Know yourself, Like yourself, Be yourself

1. There's Only One Like You Learn to know yourself by:

1. Cultivating moments of solitude.
2. Breaking through the habit barrier.
3. Developing excitement and enthusiasm.
2. Conformity: Refuge of the Frightened. Be yourself by developing your own
convictions and standards; then have the courage to live with them.
3. Why is a Bore? Develop inner resources to avoid boring yourself and others.
4. The Maturing Mind: Adventure in Adult Living. Develop your mind through
intellectual activity.

Marriage is for grownups

1. How to Get Along with Women. Here are seven ways:

1. Give her appreciation.
2. Be generous and considerate.
3. Keep yourself attractive.
4. Understand a woman's work.
5. Be dependable.
6. Share her interests.
7. Love her.
2. Father Come Home. Children need fathers too.
3. How to Get Along with Men. Here are seven ways:
1. Be good-natured.
2. Be a good companion.
3. Be a good listener.
 4.
Be adaptable.
5.
Be efficient, not officious.
6.
Be yourself.
7.
Be glad you're a woman.
4. The Rediscovery of Love. We must develop a more mature concept of love.

Maturity and making friends

1. Loneliness: The Great American Disease.

2. People are Wonderful. Learn to appreciate them.
3. Why Should People Like You? They will like you if you like them and develop
qualities of warmth that attract others.

How old are you?

1. If You're Afraid of Growing Old, Read This. Learn some of the facts about aging.
2. How to Live to be 100 and Like it. To live longer, develop attitudes that promote
health of mind.
3. Don't Let the Rocking Chair Get You. Work as long as you can.

Maturity of spirit

1. The Court of Last Appeal. When all else fails, try God.
2. The Food of the Spirit. Our spirit is nourished through prayer.

( Courtesy: http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/grow-up.html )

• http://www.bkwsu.com/ - Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual Organization- UN

approved

The Quick and Easy Way to Effective

Speaking
This is Dorothy Carnegie's summary of her book, from
1962, which is based on Dale Carnegie's Public Speaking
and Influencing Men in Business, from 1931.

Table of Contents

1. Fundamentals of Effective Speaking

2. Speech, Speaker, and Audience
3. The Purpose of Prepared and Impromptu Talks
4. The Art of Communicating
 5. The Challenge of Effective Speaking

Part One

Fundamentals of Effective Speaking

1. Acquiring the Basic Skills

• Take heart from the experience of others

• Keep your goal before you
• Predetermine your mind to success
• Seize every opportunity to practice

2. Developing Confidence

• Get the facts about fear of speaking in public

• Prepare in the proper way
• Predetermine your mind to success
• Act confident

3. Speaking Effectively the Quick and Easy Way

• Speaking about something you have earned the right to talk about
through experience or study
• Be sure you are excited about your subject
• Be eager to share your talk with your listeners

Part Two

Speech, Speaker, and Audience

4. Earning the Right to Talk

• Limit your subject

• Develop reserve power
• Fill your talk with illustrations and examples
• Use concrete, familiar words that create pictures

5. Vitalizing the Talk

• Choose subjects you are earnest about

• Relive the Feelings you have about your topic
• Act in earnest

6. Sharing the Talk with the Audience

 • Talk in terms of your listeners' interests
• Give honest, sincere appreciation
• Identify yourself with the audience
• Make your audience a partner in your talk
• Play yourself down

Part Three

The Purpose of Prepared and Impromptu Talks

7. Making the Short Talk to Get Action

• Give your example, an incident from your life

• State your point, what you want the audience to do
• Give the reason or benefit the audience may expect

8. Making the Talk to Inform

• Restrict your subject to fit the time at your disposal

• Arrange your ideas in sequence
• Enumerate your points as you make them
• Compare the strange with the familiar
• Use visual aids

9. Making the Talk to Convince

• Win confidence by deserving it

• Get a Yes-response
• Speakin with contagious enthusiasm
• Show respect and affection for your audience
• Begin in a friendly way

10. Making Impromptu Talks

• Practice impromptu speaking

• Be mentally ready to speak impromptu
• Get into an example immediately
• Speak with animation and force
• Use the principle of the Here and the Now
• Don't talk impromptu--Give an impromptu talk

Part Four

The Art of Communicating

11. Delivering the Talk

• Crash through your shell of self-consciousness

• Don't try to imitate others--Be yourself
• Converse with your audience
• Put your heart into your speaking
• Practice making your voice strong and flexible

Part Five

The Challenge of Effective Speaking

12. Introducing Speakers, Presenting and Accepting

Awards

• Thoroughly prepare what you are going to say

• Follow the T-I-S Formula
• Be enthusiastic
• Thoroughly prepare the talk of presentation
• Express your sincere feelings in the talk of acceptance

13. Organizing the Longer Talk

• Get attention immediately

• Avoid getting unfavorable attention
• Support your main ideas
• Appeal for action

14. Applying What You Have Learned

• Use specific detail in everyday conversation

• Use effective speaking techniques in your job
• Seek Opportunities to speak in public
• You must persist

• Keep the certainty of reward before you

Back to the Dale Carnegie Page

Don't Grow Old - Grow Up!

This is Dorothy Carnegie's summary of her book, from
1956
 Table of Contents

1. The first step toward maturity - Responsibility

2. Action is for adults
3. Three great rules for mental health: Know yourself, Like
yourself, Be yourself
4. Marriage is for grownups
5. Maturity and making friends
6. How old are you?
7. Maturity of spirit

Part One

The first step toward maturity - Responsibility

1. Don't kick the Chair. Be willing to account for yourself; don't

blame others.
2. Damn the Handicaps! - Full Speed Ahead. Don't make a handicap an
excuse for failure.
3. Five Ways to Ditch Disaster:
1. Accept the inevitable; give time a chance.
2. Take action against trouble.
3. Concentrate on helping others.
4. Use all of life while you have it.
5. Count your blessings.<

Part Two

Action is for adults

1. Belief is the Basis for Action. Know what you believe and act
accordingly.
2. Analyze Before You Act.
3. Two Wonderful Words that Changed a Life. When the time for action
arrives, don't hesitate.

Part Three

Three great rules for mental health: Know yourself,

Like yourself, Be yourself

1. There's Only One Like You Learn to know yourself by:

1. Cultivating moments of solitude.
2. Breaking through the habit barrier.
3. Developing excitement and enthusiasm.
Back to the Dale Carnegie Page

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1948

Table of Contents

1. Fundamental facts you should know about worry

2. Basic techniques in analyzing worry
3. How to break the worry habit before it breaks you
4. Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring
you peace and happiness
5. The perfect way to conquer worry
6. How to keep from worrying about criticism
7. Six ways to prevent fatigue and worry and keep your
energy and spirits high

Part One

Fundamental facts you should know about worry

1. If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osler did: Live in
"day-tight compartments." Don't stew about the futures. Just live
each day u ntil bedtime.
2. The next time Trouble--with a Capital T--backs you up in a corner,
try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
a. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if
I can't solve my problem?
b. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst--if necessary.
c. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst--which you have
already mentally agreed to accept.
3. Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in
terms of your health. "Those who do not know how to fight worry
die young."

Part Two

Basic techniques in analyzing worry

1. Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University

said that "half the worry in the world is caused by people trying
to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which
to base a decision."
 2. After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
3. Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out
your decision--and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.
4. When you, or any of your associates, are tempted to worry about a
problem, write out and answer the following questions:
a. What is the problem?
b. What is the cause of the problem?
c. What are all possible solutions?
d. What is the best solution?

Part Three

How to break the worry habit before it breaks you

1. Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is

one of the best therapies ever devised for curing "wibber
gibbers."
2. Don't fuss about trifles. Don't permit little things--the mere
termites of life--to ruin your happines.
3. Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself:
"What are the odds against this thing's happening at all?"
4. Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is
beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself: "It is so;
it cannot be otherwise."
5. Put a "stop-less" order on your worries. Decide just how much
anxiety a thing may be worth--and refuse to give it anymore.
6. Let the past bury its dead. Don't saw sawdust.

Part Four

Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will

bring you peace and happiness

1. Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and
hope, for "our life is what our thoughts make it."
2. Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we
will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let's do as
General Eisenhower does: let's never waste a minute thinking about
people we don't like.
3.
A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it.
Let's remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day--and
only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude
than Jesus got?
B. Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to
expect gratitude--but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if
we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to
be grateful.
 4. Count your blessings--not your troubles!
5. Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves,
for "envy is ignorance" and "imitation is suicide."
6. When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
7. Let's forget our own unhappiness--by trying to create a little
happiness for others. "When you are good to others, you are best
to yourself."

Part Five

The perfect way to conquer worry

1. Prayer

Part Six

How to keep from worrying about criticism

1. Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It often means

that you have aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no one ever
kicks a dead dog.
2. Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and
keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your
neck.
3. Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize
ourselves. Since we can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E.H.
Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive
criticism.

Part Seven

Six ways to prevent fatigue and worry and keep your

energy and spirits high

1. Rest before you get tired.

2. Learn to relax at your work.
3. Learn to relax at home.
4. Apply these four good workings habits:
a. Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the
immediate problem at hand.
b. Do things in the order of their importance.
c. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have
the facts to make a decision.
d. Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise.
5. To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasm into your work.

6. Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying

about insomnia that does the damage--not the insomnia.
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How to Win Friends and Influence People

This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936

Table of Contents

1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving
Offense or Arousing Resentment

Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and
most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're
wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
 6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving

Offense or Arousing Resentment
A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior.
Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be
"hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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