Homecoming Skit

RICO IS THE NARRATOR

1. Mrs. Burt: The Holy Hand Grenade of Peyton Manning

2. Mrs. Day: kayaks and organic food. Organic noodles from the
deep attacked by a steak (SDOT)
3. Scotty J:
4. Coach K: the fatso who steals all of our food
5. Mrs. Davis: “The Kitty Queen” she sicks cats on the ship
6. Fergy: Captain Ferguson comes to take over the ship, we bomb,
he sinks, we leave

1. Mr. Carroll – Pirate

2. Ms. Day – Nice voice (falsetto, then mean angry voice *demon
like*
3. Coach K – Smiegel
4. Mrs. Davis -
Four seniors are sitting at a table in the senior lounge being a “happy
family” eating lunch and talking about the first day of their senior year.
There is a box next to the table that says “Senior Lounge”

Rico: *MP* One bright and sunny day, the seniors were enjoying a nice
dinner in their senior lounge. The birds were singing, the skies were
clear, and everything was right with the world. *pirate voice* Until all
of a sudden…

Cue thunder and lightning sound effects, startled sound effect as well

The lights start flickering and Admiral Johnson appears with a parrot on
his shoulder and his voodoo medicine woman Mrs. Donna.

Rico: *pirate*The dreaded Admiral Johnson and his voodoo priestess

Mrs. Donna appeared out of nowhere and stole the senior lounge!

The lights continue flickering. Mrs. Donna makes weird hand motions
Mystical sound effect plays
The 4 seniors stand up and start spinning around (they have
senioritis).

Rico: *innocent children* What is happening!? *MP* They exclaimed.

Soon, the members of the Happy Family felt a strange sensation.

The lights stop and lightning strikes etc. and now the seniors have
turned into pirates and the “senior lounge” sign is gone. Mr. Carroll
appears.
Rico: *Monty Python* Just then, Captain Carroll appeared and explained
what had just happened. *Pirate*“The Voodoo Priestess Donna has
cursed you all with senioritis!” *MP* he said as he stroked his beard.
*pirate* “The only way to remove this curse is to travel with me to the
ends of the Earth and to face the unending trials and tribulations of the
merciless deep.

Rico: *MP* And with that the seniors embarked on their treacherous
journey aboard their feared vessel, the Happy Family.

The ship comes up and starts rocking back and forth, as well as the
waves.
He’s A Pirate starts playing as well.

Rico: *MP* The Happy Family was sailing merrily along when it passed
a woman in a small kayak.

Mrs. Day and kayak come up next to the ship

Rico: *Mrs. Day* “Good day pirates! The friendly woman said. *pirate*
“Good day lass!” *MP* said a sailor, who was incidentally holding a
rather large piece of meat. It was at this time that the friendly lady
became a very unfriendly lady. *pirate* With hatred in her eyes she
summoned the great organic green beans of the deep to attack the
Happy Family!

Mrs. Day makes crazy hand motions/strange dance and giant green
beans attack the ship

Rico: *MP* Luckily for the crew, the chef of the Happy Family was quite
experienced in fighting off giant organic vegetables and fended them
off with a rather large steak. *pirate* “Take some steak you healthy
organic vegetables!” *MP* The cook growled as he launched a
particularly juicy cut at the oncoming beans.

Steak is thrown at the green beans and they die. Mrs. Day rows away
in the kayak.

Rico: *MP* After overcoming this first of many ordeals, the Happy
Family sailed along once more.

The pirates are asleep as Coach K climbs into the ship and proceeds to
take the food.
Rico: *MP* Days later, Special K, the gigantic mooch monster with well
endowed calves boarded the boat while the crew was sleeping and
raided the galley. An hour later, the gigantic mooch monster hissed
*Smegal* “Ohhh, my precious foodses,” *MP* to himself, and made
away with the rest of their food.

Seniors wake up and scurry about the boat looking for food that is no
longer there.

Pirates make hungry motions. Rub stomach, groaning noises, etc.

Rico: *MP*The seniors woke up that next morning only to discover that
the mooch monster had taken all of their food and that they were all
very, very hungry.

Enter Mrs. Davis with her herd of cat minions. Pirates and cats act
outcome a very complex battle scene.

Rico: *MP* Soon after, The Dread Pirate Davis laid siege to the Happy
Family. Running out of room on her ship, the Kitty Caravel, The Dread
Pirate Davis tried to take over the Happy Family with her herd of cat
minions. After a long and intense battle, the seniors emerged
victorious… Mrs. Davis and her feline forces were made to retreat, and
the pirates, still famished, were able to satisfy their hunger by
devouring the kitty corpses that were left behind. The pirates were now
full, but the battle had made them incredibly thirsty.

Boat crew acts really really thirsty.

Pirates come across floating snack bar.

Rico: *MP* Just then, the seniors spotted a floating snack bar where
they could stop and purchase beverages. *SBL* “Avast pirates, how
may I be of service?” *Pirate* “We would like to kegs of root beer.”
*SBL* “Will you purchases any food with that today?” *Pirate* “No
thank you.” *SBL* “Then off to the coke machines with ye.” *Pirate*
“But we’re in the middle of the-” *SBL* “COKE MACHINES!!!!” *Pirate*
“Curses!” *MP* The pirates said.

*MP*Days later, the pirates found themselves floating through the fogs
of Faygo where they spotted an enchanted ice chest. They brought the
ice chest aboard and each pirate took his pick. *Pirate* I’ll have an
orange Faygo!. *MP* One pirate said, *Pirate* I’ll have a grape Faygo!
*MP* Said another. *MP* Then the fog guardian, who also happened to
like The Notebook, emerged from the deep and said *SJ*“I’ll have them
all!”
*MP* They were about to fight Scotty J off, when all of a sudden…

cue the Notebook scene

*SJ* “Oh No! My favorite part of the Notebook is on!” *MP* Scotty J
returned to the depths to watch The Notebook and cry himself to sleep,
as the pirates triumphantly continued on their journey with their
delicious Faygo.

Pirates celebrate and drink.

*MP* “Soon, the seniors came out of the fog and were passing a rocky
shore when they heard a beautiful…almost hypnotizing song of a Siren
Called Well. *Caldwell* “Lalalalala, go to the Isles of Burt to find your
senior lounge.” *Pirate* “Oh never have I heard or seen in all my days
such an enchanting lass.” *MP* In a trance, they set off for the Isles of
Burt.

Pirates act trance-like.

*MP* After three days of sailing and eating salted cat, they arrived at
the Isles of Burt and set off to find the senior lounge. During their
search, they encountered the cave guardian of the Isles, Burt, talking
to a Bush, named George. The seniors, thinking that Burt was a docile
creature, prepared to attack her.

*pirate* “Wait!” *MP* Captain Carroll yelled, *pirate* “Burt might seem
like a docile creature, but if you anger her she will become the most
ferocious monster you could ever imagine.” *pirate* “I have no fear of
that weak creature” *MP* exclaimed one of the pirates. The foolish
pirate charged Burt, and just before he reached her, she flew through
the air and ripped his head off. The rest of the pirate crew stood in awe
as Burt drank the blood as it flew like a fountain out of his neck.

*pirate* “I tried to warn him, but the only way to defeat her is to use
the Holy Hand-grenade of Eli Manning.” *MP* Captain Carroll said.
*pirate* “But where will we find this most powerful weapon?!?” *MP*
asked a pirate. *pirate* “I just happen to have it here in my pocket,”
*MP* responded Carroll. The pirates then threw the Holy Hand-grenade
of Eli Manning at Burt, and she became pleasantly distracted, as they
snuck by her into the cave.

*MP*Upon entering the cave, the pirates finally saw their senior
lounge, in all its glory, sitting in the middle of the cavern. Just as they
were about to obtain the glorious lounge, Admiral Johnson and Voodoo
Priestess Donna appeared behind them. Voodoo Priestess Donna was
about to cast her voodoo magic on the pirates, when a pirate
exclaimed, *pirate* “Wait! Can’t we all be just one big happy family?
Name your price for the lounge and I’m sure we can make an
agreement.”

*AdmJohn* “hmm…” *MP* Admiral Johnson said. *AdmJohn* “well, now

that you bring it up, I’ve always been fond of Captain Carroll (for some
reason that we will figure out tomorrow).” *pirate* “They’d never trade
their fearless captain for a mere senior lounge, would ye crew?” *MP*
protested Captain Carroll. *pirates* “Hmm… that be a hard decision to
make.” *MP* the pirates said. *Adm John* “I’ll throw in a mini-fridge!”
*MP* Admiral Johnson offered. *pirates* “Deal.” *MP* said the pirates
immediately.

*mp*Admiral Johnson and Voodoo Priestess Donna took Captain Carroll

away, as the pirates senioritis faded away. They took their new senior
lounge equipped with a mini-fridge ,put it in the old Captain’s quarters
of Carroll, and lived happily ever after.

Alternate ending
As they were about to reach the senior lounge, Admiral Johnson,
Voodoo Priestess Donna, and all of their old foes jumped out from the
darkness and prepared to attack them. Just when all hope seemed lost,
Mrs. Hamilton, in all her glory, descended from the sky. They were in a
cave and she still came from the sky. How the heck did she do that?!?
That’s how awesome she is. With one wave of her hand, all of the
pirates’ enemies were obliterated and sent to Heaven where they were
able to do Calculus, obviously the most wonderful thing in the entire
world, for the rest of eternity. *Rico* The pirates praised Mrs. Hamilton,
and Mrs. Hamilton pleased by the admiration decided to make the AP
Calculus test, coming to the following Monday, extremely easy. *Joey*
On second thought, she decided that it would be more appropriate to
just cancel it altogether, and give everyone hundreds. *Colby* On third
thought, she decided that she should cancel all of the tests of the year,
and just give everyone one hundreds. *Rico* On fourth thought, she
decided that the obvious course of action would be to convert the AP
Calculus class, with Voodoo Priestess Donna as her co-sponsor, into the
nation’s first ever Shoe Golf Team. It then became America’s new
pastime, and the seniors went on to fame and glory. The end.