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home > social issues > marriage > marriage related issues specific to women

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question asked by affan rauf from pakistan on 18-jan-2007.

title:
is there any room for love-based marriages in islam?

question:

from what i have understood, there is no place for 'love marriage' in islam.
consider a typical scenario, a boy and a girl being class fellows interacted
with each other more often and with the passage of time they developed feelings
for each other i.e. fell in love (platonic love to be precise: no sexual element)
and then after sometime decided to marry. but according to your response to the
question 'having girl friends' the platonic relationships should be avoided. so,
end of story, no love no love marriage.

islam asks a man to treat his wife with love and affection. then why not love
(again
no sexual element) a women and then marry. according to islamic teachings
regarding interaction of males and females, there is simply no room for people
to fall in love. the question is then what remains the purpose for a person to
marry? to legitimately fulfill sexual desires? to ensure continuity of human
life? or to force himself to love his wife? then in response to another question
'love marriage', you tell that islam gives right to every man to marry with the
woman of his choice (and vice versa). but it disallows the most appropriate
basis for marriage i.e. love. right? i can marry a girl for materialistic
reasons (beauty, status, etc.) but i can't marry for love just because there is
no room for it.

answer:

the context of our reply in relation to platonic relationships was that it

merely can open up doors with negative results. the reason that the suggestion
was given was to highlight the natural attraction between men and women, which
can trigger an unforeseeable domino effect. in the end the advice was given to
take the cautious route. this in no way impedes "love marriages." firstly, love
can surely develop after the fact of marriage. secondly, if two people find
themselves attracted to one another due to them being acquaintances then they
should take the proper steps to fulfill their bond. if they proceed to express
their love and desire for one another and not take the proper route then it may
lead to a negative outcome. so all the essential elements are there for a
marriage, however, one has to approach it correctly or take the chance of
causing harm to himself, the woman (or vice versa) and others around him.

it is clear that islam does not hinder love in any way it simply gives us the
foundation of the right etiquette when we do find ourselves in that blessed
situation. there is nothing wrong with love; proper love.

i hope i have clarified the issue.

god knows best.

ronnie hassan
january 18, 2007

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