1PL CCLC8 u8LL

ALlCL WALkL8

llrsL publlshed ln 1982



1o Lhe SplrlL WlLhouL whose asslsLance
nelLher Lhls book
nor l
Would have been WrlLLen


Show me how Lo do llke you
Show me how Lo do lL
SLevle Wonder


?ou beLLer noL never Lell nobody buL Cod lLd klll your mammy



uear Cod

l am fourLeen years old laa l have always been a good glrl Maybe you can glve me a slgn leLLlng me
know whaL ls happenlng Lo me
LasL sprlng afLer llLLle Luclous come l heard Lhem fusslng Pe was pulllng on her arm She say lL
Loo soon lonso l alnL well
llnally he leave her alone A week go by he pulllng on her arm agaln She say naw l alnL gonna
CanL you see lm already half dead an all of Lhese chlldren
She wenL Lo vlslL her slsLer docLor over Macon LefL me Lo see afLer Lhe oLhers Pe never had a
klne word Lo say Lo me !usL say ?ou gonna do whaL your mammy wouldnL llrsL he puL hls Lhlng up
galnsL my hlp and sorL of wlggle lL around 1hen he grab hold my LlLLles 1hen he push hls Lhlng lnslde my
pussy When LhaL hurL l cry Pe sLarL Lo choke me saylng ?ou beLLer shuL up and glL used Lo lL
8uL l donL never glL used Lo lL And now l feels slck every Llme l be Lhe one Lo cook My mama
she fuss aL me an look aL me She happy cause he good Lo her now 8uL Loo slck Lo lasL long
My mama dead She dle screamlng and cusslng She scream aL me She cuss aL me lm blg l
canL move fasL enough 8y Llme l glL back from Lhe well Lhe waLer be warm 8y Llme l glL Lhe Lray ready
Lhe food be cold 8y Llme l glL all Lhe chlldren ready for school lL be dlnner Llme Pe donL say noLhlng Pe
seL Lhere by Lhe bed holdlng her hand an cryln Lalklng bouL donL leave me donL go
She asL me bouL Lhe flrsL one Whose lL ls? l say Cods l donL know no oLher man or whaL else Lo
say When l sLarL Lo hurL and Lhen my sLomach sLarL movlng and Lhen LhaL llLLle baby come ouL my pussy
chewlng on lL flsL you could have knock me over wlLh a feaLher
uonL nobody come see us
She goL slcker an slcker
llnally she asL Where lL ls?
l say Cod Look lL
Pe Look lL Pe Look lL whlle l was sleeplng kllL lL ouL Lhere ln Lhe woods klll Lhls one Loo lf he
can
Pe acL llke he can*L sLand me no more Say lm evll an always up Lo no good Pe Look my oLher
llLLle baby a boy Lhls Llme 8uL l donL Lhlnk he kllL lL l Lhlnk he sold lL Lo a man an hls wlfe over
MonLlcello l goL breasLs full of mllk runnlng down myself
Pe say Why donL you look decenL? uL on someLhlng 8uL whaL lm sposed Lo puL on? l donL
have noLhlng
l keep hoplng he flne somebody Lo marry l see hlm looklng aL my llLLle slsLer She scared 8uL l
say lll Lake care of you WlLh Cod help
Pe come home wlLh a glrl from round Cray She be my age buL Lhey marrled Pe be on her all
Lhe Llme She walk round llke she donL know whaL hlL her l Lhlnk she LhoughL she love hlm 8uL he goL
so many of us All needlng someLhln
My llLLle slsLer neLLle ls goL a boyfrlend ln Lhe same shape almosL as a Pls wlfe dled She was
kllL by her boyfrlend comlng home from church Pe goL only Lhree chlldren Lhough Pe seen neLLle ln
church and now every Sunday evenlng here come Mr???
l Lell neLLle Lo keep aL her books lL be more Lhen a noLlon Laklng care of chlldren alnL even
yourn And look whaL happen Lo Ma
Pe beaL me Loday cause he say l wlnked aL a boy ln church l may have goL someLhln ln my eye
buL l dldnL wlnk l donL even look aL mens 1haLs Lhe LruLh l look aL women Lho cause lm noL scared
of Lhem Maybe cause my mama cuss me you Lhlnk l kepL mad aL her 8uL l alnL l felL sorry for mama
1rylng Lo belleve bls sLory kllL her
SomeLlme he sLlll be looklng aL neLLle buL l always glL ln hls llghL now l Lell her Lo marry Mr???
l donL Lell her why
l say Marry hlm neLLle an Lry Lo have one good year ouL your llfe AfLer LhaL l know she be blg
8uL me never agaln A glrl aL church say you glL blg lf you bleed every monLh l donL bleed no
more
Mr??? flnally come rlghL ouL an asL for neLLle hand ln marrlage 8uL Pe wonL leL her go Pe say
she Loo young no experlence
Say Mr??? goL Loo many chlldren already lus WhaL abouL Lhe scandal hls wlfe cause when
somebody klll her? And whaL abouL all Lhls sLuff he hear bouL Shug Avery? WhaL bouL LhaL?
l asL our new mammy bouL Shug Avery WhaL lL ls? l asL She donL know buL she say she gon flne
ouL
She do more Lhen LhaL She glL a plcLure 1he flrsL one of a real person l ever seen She say
Mr??? was Laklng someLhln ouL hls blllfold Lo show a an lL fell ouL an slld under Lhe Lable Shug Avery
was a woman 1he mosL beauLlful woman l ever saw She more preLLy Lhen my mama She bouL Len
Lhousand Llmes more preLLler Lhen me l see her Lhere ln furs Per face rouge Per halr llke someLhln Lall
She grlnnlng wlLh her fooL up on somebody moLocar Per eyes serlous Lho Sad some
l asL her Lo glve me Lhe plcLure An all nlghL long l sLare aL lL An now when l dream l dream of
Shug Avery She be dress Lo klll whlrllng and laughlng
l asL hlm Lo Lake me lnsLead of neLLle whlle our new mammy slck 8uL he [usL asL me whaL lm
Lalklng bouL l Lell hlm l can flx myself up for hlm l duck lnLo my room and come ouL wearlng horsehalr
feaLhers and a palr of our new mammy hlgh heel shoes
Pe beaL me for dresslng Lrampy buL he do lL Lo me anyway
Mr??? come LhaL evenlng lm ln Lhe bed crylng neLLle she flnally see Lhe llghL of day clear Cur
new mammy she see lL Loo
She ln her room crylng neLLle Lend Lo flrsL one Lhen Lhe oLher She so scared she go ouL doors
and vomlL 8uL noL ouL fronL where Lhe Lwo mens ls
Mr??? say Well Slr l sure hope you done change your mlnd
Pe say naw CanL say l ls
Mr??? say Well you know my poor llLLle ones sure could use a moLher
Well Pe say real slow l canL leL you have neLLle She Loo young uonL know noLhlng buL whaL
you Lell her Sldes l wanL her Lo glL some more schoollng Make a schoolLeacher ouL of her 8uL l can leL
you have Celle She Lhe oldesL anyway She oughL Lo marry flrsL She alnL fresh Lho buL l specL you know
LhaL She spolled 1wlce 8uL you donL need a fresh woman no how l goL a fresh one ln Lhere myself and
she slck all Lhe Llme Pe splL over Lhe ralllng 1he chlldren glL on her nerve she noL much of a cook And
she blg already
Mr??? he donL say noLhlng l sLop crylng lm so surprlse
She ugly Pe say 8uL she alnL no sLranger Lo hard work And she clean And Cod done flxed her
?ou can do everyLhlng [usL llke you wanL Lo and she alnL gonna make you feed lL or cloLhe lL
Mr??? sLlll donL say noLhlng l Lake ouL Lhe plcLure of Shug Avery l look lnLo her eyes Per eyes
say ?eah lL beesLhaL way someLlme
lacL ls he say l goL Lo glL rld of her She Loo old Lo be llvlng here aL home And she a bad
lnfluence on my oLher glrls Shed come wlLh her own llnen She can Lake LhaL cow she ralse down Lhere
back of Lhe crlb 8uL neLLle you flaL ouL canL have noL now noL never
Mr??? flnally speak Clearlng hls LhroaL l alnL never really look aL LhaL one he say
Well nexL Llme you come you can look aL her She ugly uonL even look llke she kln Lo neLLle
8uL shell make Lhe beLLer wlfe
She alnL smarL elLher and lll [usL be falr you have Lo waLch her or shell glve away everyLhlng
you own 8uL she can work llke a man
Mr??? say Pow old she ls?
Pe say She near LwenLy And anoLher Lhlng? She Lell lles
lL Look hlm Lhe whole sprlng from March Lo !une Lo make up hls mlnd Lo Lake me All l LhoughL
abouL was neLLle Pow she could come Lo me lf l marry hlm and he be so love sLruck wlLh her l could
flgure ouL a way for us Lo run away us boLh be hlLLlng neLLles schoolbooks preLLy hard cause us know
we goL Lo be smarL Lo glL away l know lm noL as preLLy or as smarL as neLLle buL shesay l alnL dumb
1he way you know who dlscover Amerlca neLLle say ls Lhlnk bouL cucumbers 1haL whaL
Columbus sound llke l learned all abouL Columbus ln flrsL grade buL look llke he Lhe flrsL Lhlng l forgoL
She say Columbus come here ln boaLs call Lhe neaLer Lhe eLer and Lhe SanLomareaLer lndlans so nlce
Lo hlm he force a bunch of em back home wlLh hlm Lo walL on Lhe queen
8uL lL hard Lo Lhlnk wlLh glLLlng marrled Lo Mr??? hanglng over my head
1he flrsL Llme l goL blg a Look me ouL of school Pe never care LhaL l love lL neLLle sLood Lhere
aL Lhe gaLe holdlng LlghL Lo my hand l was all dress for flrsL day
?ou Loo dumb Lo keep golng Lo school a say neLLle Lhe clever one ln Lhls bunch
8uL a neLLle say crylng Celle smarL Loo Lven Mlss 8easley say so neLLle doLe on Mlss
8easley 1hlnk nobody llke her ln Lhe world
a say Whoever llsLen Lo anyLhlng Addle 8easley have Lo say She run off aL Lhe mouLh so much
no man would have her 1haL how come she have Lo Leach school Pe never look up from cleanlng hls
gun reLLy soon a bunch of whlLe mens come walklng cross Lhe yard 1hey have guns Loo
a glL up and follow em 1he resL of Lhe week l vomlL and dress wlld game
8uL neLLle never glve up nexL Lhlng l know Mlss 8easley aL our house Lrylng Lo Lalk Lo a She
say long as she been a Leacher she never know nobody wanL Lo learn bad as neLLle and me 8uL when a
call me ouL and she see how LlghL my dress ls she sLop Lalklng and go
neLLle sLlll donL undersLand l donL nelLher All us noLlce ls lm all Lhe Llme slck and faL
l feel bad someLlme neLLle done pass me ln learnln 8uL look llke noLhlng she say can glL ln my
braln and sLay She Lry Lo Lell me someLhlng bouL Lhe ground noL belng flaL l [usL say ?eah Llke l know
lL l never Lell her how flaL lL look Lo me
Mr??? come flnally one day looklng all drug ouL 1he woman he had helplng hlm done qulL Pls
mammy done sald no More
Pe say LeL me see her agaln
a call me Celle he say Llke lL wasnL noLhlng Mr ___ wanL anoLher look aL you
l go sLand ln Lhe door 1he sun shlne ln my eyes Pes sLlll up on hls horse Pe look me up and
down
a raLLle hls newspaper Move up he wonL blLe he say
l go closer Lo Lhe sLeps buL noL Loo close cause lm a llLLle scared of hls horse
1urn round a say
l Lurn round Cne of my llLLle broLhers come up l Lhlnk lL was Luclous Pe faL and playful all Lhe
Llme munchlng on someLhlng
Pe say WhaL you dolng LhaL for?
a say ?our slsLer Lhlnklng bouL marrlage
uldnL mean noLhlng Lo hlm Pe pull my dressLall and asL can he have some blackberry [am ouL
Lhe safe
l say ?eah
She good wlLh chlldren a say raLLllng hls paper open more never heard her say a hard word
Lo nary one of Lhem !usL glve em everyLhlng Lhey asL for ls Lhe only problem
Mr??? say 1haL cow sLlll comlng?
Pe say Per cow
l spend my weddlng day runnlng from Lhe oldesL boy Pe Lwelve Pls mama dled ln hls arms and
he donL wanL Lo hear noLhlng bouL no new one Pe plck up a rock and lald my head open 1he blood run
all down Lween my breasLs Pls daddy say uonL doLhaL! 8uL LhaLs all he say Pe goL four chlldren
lnsLead of Lhree Lwo boys and Lwo glrls 1he glrls halr alnL been comb slnce Lhelr mammy dled l Lell
hlm lll [usL have Lo shave lL off SLarL fresh Pe say bad hlck Lo cuL a woman halr So afLer l bandage my
head besL l can and cook dlnner? Lhey have a sprlng noL a well and a wood sLove look llke a Lruck? l
sLarL Lrylng Lo unLangle halr 1hey only slx and elghL and Lhey cry 1hey scream 1hey cuse me of murder
8y Len oclock lm done 1hey cry Lhelrselves Lo sleep 8uL l donL cry l lay Lhere Lhlnklng bouL neLLle
whlle he on Lop of me wonder lf she safe And Lhen l Lhlnk bouL Shug Avery l know whaL he dolng Lo
me he done Lo Shug Avery and maybe she llke lL l puL my arm around hlm
l was ln Lown slLLlng on Lhe wagon whlle Mr??? was ln Lhe dry good sLore l seen my baby glrl l
knowed lL was her She look [usL llke me and my daddy Llke more us Lhen us ls ourself She be Lagglng
long hlnd a lady and Lhey be dress [usL allke 1hey pass Lhe wagon and l speak 1he lady speak pleasanL
My llLLle glrl she look up and sorL of frown She freLLlng over someLhlng She goL my eyes [usL llke Lhey ls
Loday Llke everyLhlng l seen she seen and she ponderlng lL
l Lhlnk she mlne My hearL say she mlne 8uL l donL know she mlne lf she mlne her name
Cllvla l embroder Cllvla ln Lhe seaL of all her daldles l embrody loL of llLLle sLars and flowers Loo Pe
Look Lhe daldles when he Look her She was bouL Lwo monLh old now she bouL slx
l clam down from Lhe wagon and l follow Cllvla and her new mammy lnLo a sLore l waLch her
run her hand long slde Lhe counLer llke she alnL lnLeresLed ln noLhlng Per ma ls buylng cloLh She say
uonL Louch noLhlng/ Cllvla yawn
1haL real preLLy l say and help her mama drape a plece of cloLh close Lo her face
She smlle Conna make me an my glrl some new dresses she say Per daddy be so proud
Who her daddy l blurL ouL lL llke aL lasLsomebody know
She say Mr??? 8uL LhaL alnL my daddy name
Mr ??? l say Who he?
She look llke l asL someLhlng none of my bldnlss
1he 8everend Mr??? she say Lhen Lurn her face Lo Lhe clerk Pe say Clrl you wanL LhaL cloLh or
noL? We goL oLher cusLomers sldes you
She say ?es slr l wanL flve yards please slr
Pe snaLch Lhe cloLh and Lhump down Lhe bolL Pe donL measure When he Lhlnk he goL flve yard
he Lare lL off 1haL be a dollar and LhlrLy cenL he say ?ou need Lhread?
She say naw suh
Pe say ?ou canL sew LhouL Lhread Pe plck up a spool and hold lL agalnsL Lhe cloLh 1haL look
llke lL bouL Lhe rlghL color uonL you Lhlnk
She say ?essuh
Pe sLarL Lo whlsLle 1ake Lwo dollars Clve her a quarLer back Pe look aL me ?ou wanL
someLhlng gal? l say naw Suh
l Lrall long behlnd Lhem on Lhe sLreeL
l donL have noLhlng Lo offer and l feels poor
She look up and down Lhe sLreeL Pe alnL here Pe alnL here She say llke she gon cry
Who alnL? l asL
1he 8everend Mr??? she say Pe Look Lhe wagon
My husband wagon rlghL here l say
She clam up l Lhank you klndly she say us slL looklng aL all Lhe folks LhaLs come Lo Lown l
never seen so many even aL church Some be dress Loo Some donL hlL on much uusL glL all up Lhe
ladles dress
She asL me Who ls my husband now l know all bouL hers She laugh a llLLle l say Mr??? She
say Sure nuff? Llke she know all abouL hlm !usL dldnL know he was marrled Pe a flne looklng man she
say noL a flner looklng one ln Lhe counLy WhlLe or black she say
Pe do look all rlghL l say 8uL l donL Lhlnk abouL lL whlle l say lL MosL Llmes mens look preLLy
much allke Lo me
Pow long you had your llLLle glrl? l asL
Ch she be seven her nexL blrLhday
When LhaL? l asL
She Lhlnk back 1hen she say uecember
l Lhlnk november
l say real easy WhaL you call her?
She say oh we calls her aullne
My hearL knock
1hen she frown 8uL l calls her Cllvla
Why you call her Cllvla lf lL alnL her name? l asL
Well [usL look aL her she say sorL of lmplsh Lurnlng Lo look aL Lhe chlld donL she look llke a
Cllvla Lo you? Look aL her eyes for gods sake Somebody ole would have eyes llke LhaL So l call her
oleLlvla She chuckle naw Cllvla she say paLLlng Lhe chlld halr Well here come Lhe 8everend Mr???
she say l see a wagon and a greaL blg man ln black holdlng a whlp We sure do Lhank you for your
hosplLallLy She laugh agaln look aL Lhe horses fllcklng flles off Lhey rump /forseplLallLy she say
And l glL lL and laugh lL feel llke Lo spllL my face
Mr??? come ouL Lhe sLore Clam up ln Lhe wagon SeL down Say real slow WhaL you seLLlng
here laughlng llke a fool fer?
neLLle here wlLh us She run way from home She say she haLe Lo leave our sLepma buL she had
Lo glL ouL maybe flne help for Lhe oLher llLLle ones 1he boys be alrlghL she say 1hey can sLay ouL hls
way When Lhey glL blg Lhey gon flghL hlm
Maybe klll l say
Pow ls lL wlLh you and Mr???? she asL 8uL she goL eyes Pe sLlll llke her ln Lhe evenlng he come
ouL on Lhe porch ln hls Sunday besL She be slLLlng Lhere wlLh me shelllng peas or helplng Lhe chlldren
wlLh Lhey spelllng Pelplng me wlLh spelllng and everyLhlng else she Lhlnk l need Lo know no maLLer
whaL happen neLLle sLeady Lry Lo Leach me whaL go on ln Lhe world And she a good Leacher Loo lL
nearly klll me Lo Lhlnk she mlghL marry somebody llke Mr??? or wlnd up ln some whlLe lady klLchen All
day she read she sLudy she pracLlce her handwrlLlng and Lry Lo glL us Lo Lhlnk MosL days l feel Loo Llred
Lo Lhlnk 8uL aLlenL her mlddle name
Mr??? chlldren all brlghL buL Lhey mean 1hey say Celle l wanL dls Celle l wanL daL Cur Mama
leL us have lL Pe donL say noLhlng 1hey Lry Lo geL hls LenLlon he hlde hlnd a puff of smoke
uonL leL Lhem run over you neLLle say ?ou goL Lo leL Lhem know who goL Lhe upper hand
1hey goL lL l say
8uL she keep on ?ou goL Lo flghL ?ou goL Lo flghL
8uL l donL know how Lo flghL All l know how Lo do ls sLay allve
1haLs a real preLLy dress you goL on he say Lo neLLle
She say 1hank you
1hem shoes look [usL rlghL
She say 1hank you
?our skln ?our halr ?our Leefs Lveryday lL someLhlng else Lo make mlraLlon over
lusL she smlle a llLLle 1hen she frown 1hen she donL look no speclal way aL all She [usL sLlck
close Lo me She Lell me ?our skln ?our halr ?our Leefs Pe Lry Lo glve her a compllmenL she pass lL on
Lo me AfLer whlle l glL Lo feellng preLLy cuLe
Soon he sLop Pe say one nlghL ln bed Well us done help neLLle all we can now she goL Lo go
Where she gon go? l asL
l donL care he say
l Lell neLLle Lhe nexL mornlng SLead of belng mad she glad Lo go Say she haLe Lo leave me ls all
us fall on each oLher neck When she say LhaL
l sure haLe Lo leave you here wlLh Lhese roLLen chlldren she say noL Lo menLlon wlLh Mr???
lLs llke seelng you burled she say
lLs worse Lhan LhaL l Lhlnk lf l was burled l wouldnL have Lo work 8uL l [usL say never mlne
never mlne long as l can spell Cod l goL somebody along
8uL l only goL one Lhlng Lo glve her Lhe name of 8everend Mr??? l Lell her Lo asL for hls wlfe
1haL maybe she would help
She Lhe only woman l even seen wlLh money
l say WrlLe
She say WhaL?
l say WrlLe
She say noLhlng buL deaLh can keep me from lL
She never wrlLe
Cod
1wo of hls slsLer come Lo vlslL 1hey dress all up Celle Lhey say Cne Lhlng ls for sure ?ou keep a
clean house lL noL nlce Lo speak lll of Lhe dead one say buL Lhe LruLh never can belll Annle !ulla was a
nasLy oman bouL Lhe house
She never wanL Lo be here ln Lhe flrsL place say Lhe oLher
Where she wanL Lo be? l asL
AL home She say
Well LhaLs no excuse say Lhe flrsL one Per name Carrle oLher one name kaLe When a woman
marry she spose Lo keep a decenL house and a clean famlly Why wasnL noLhlng Lo come here ln Lhe
wlnLer Llme and all Lhese chlldren have colds Lhey have flue Lhey have dlrear Lhey have newmonya
Lhey have worms Lhey have Lhe chlll and fever 1hey hungry 1hey halr alnL comb 1hey Loo nasLy Lo
Louch
l Louch em Say kaLe
And cook She wouldnL cook She acL llke she never seen a klLchen
Was a scandal say Carrle
Pe sure was say kaLe
WhaL you mean? say Carrle
l mean he [usL broughL her here dropped her and kepL rlghL on runnlng afLer Shug Avery 1haL
whaL l mean nobody Lo Lalk Lo nobody Lo vlslL Pe be gone for days 1hen she sLarL havlng bables And
she young and preLLy
noL so preLLy say Carrle looklng ln Lhe looklng glass !usL LhaL head of halr She Loo black
Well broLher musL llke black Shug Avery black as my shoe
Shug Avery Shug Avery Carrle say lm slck of her Somebody say she golng round Lrylng Lo slng
umph whaL she goL Lo slng abouL
Say she wearlng dresses all up her leg and headpleces wlLh llLLle balls and Lassles hanglng down
look llke wlndow dresslng
My ears perk up when Lhey menLlon Shug Avery l feel llke l wanL Lo Lalk abouL her my own self
1hey hush
lm slck of her Loo say kaLe leLLlng ouL her breaLh And you rlghL abouL Celle here Cood
housekeeper good wlLh chlldren good cook 8roLher couldnL have done beLLer lf he Lrled
l Lhlnk abouL how he Lrled
1hls Llme kaLe come by herself She maybe LwenLyflve Cldmald She look younger Lhan me
PealLhy Lyes brlghL 1ongue sharp
8uy Celle some cloLhes She say Lo Mr???
She need cloLhes? he asL
Well look aL her
Pe look aL me lL llke he looklng aL Lhe earLh lL need someLhln? hls eyes say
She go wlLh me ln Lhe sLore l Lhlnk whaL color Shug 21 Avery would wear She llke a queen Lo
me so l say Lo kaLe SomeLhln purple maybe llLLle red ln lL Loo 8uL us look an look and no purple lenLy
red buL she say naw he wonL wanL Lo pay for red 1oo happy lookln We goL cholce of brown maroon
or navy blue l say blue
l canL remember belng Lhe flrsL one ln my own dress now Lo have one made [usL for me l Lry Lo
Lell kaLe whaL lL mean l glL hoL ln Lhe face and sLuLLer
She say lLs all rlghL Celle ?ou deserve more Lhan Lhls
Maybe so l Lhlnk
Parpo she say Parpo Lhe oldesL boy Parpo donL leL Celle be Lhe one brlng ln all Lhe waLer
?ou a blg boy now 1lme for you Lo help ouL some
Women work he say
WhaL? she say
Women work lm a man
?oure a Lrlfllng nlgger she say ?ou glL LhaL buckeL and brlng lL back full
Pe cuL hls eye aL me SLumble ouL l hear hlm muLLer someLhln Lo Mr??? slLLlng on Lhe porch
Mr??? call hls slsLer She sLay ouL on Lhe porch Lalklng a llLLle whlle Lhen she come back ln shaklng
CoL Lo go Celle she say
She so mad Lears be flylng every whlch way whlle she pack
?ou goL Lo flghL Lhem Celle she say l canL do lL for you ?ou goL Lo flghL Lhem for yourself
l donL say noLhlng l Lhlnk bouL neLLle dead She flghL she run away WhaL good lL do? l donL
flghL l sLay where lm Lold
8uL lm allve
Parpo asL hls daddy why he beaL me Mr ___ say Cause she my wlfe lus she sLubborn All
women good for? he donL flnlsh Pe [usL Luck hls chln over Lhe paper llke he do 8emlnd me of a
Parpo asL me Pow come you sLubborn? Pe donL asL Pow come you hls wlfe? nobody asL LhaL
l say !usL bom LhaL way l reckon
Pe beaL me llke he beaL Lhe chlldren CepL he donL never hardly beaL Lhem Pe say Celle glL Lhe
belL 1he chlldren be ouLslde Lhe room peeklng Lhrough Lhe cracks lL all l can do noL Lo cry l make
myself wood l say Lo myself Celle you a Lree 1haLs how come l know Lrees fear man
Parpo say l love Somebody
l say Puh?
Pe say A Clrl
l say ?ou do?
Pe say ?eah us plan Lo marry
Marry l say ?ou noL old enough Lo marry
l ls he say lm sevenLeen She flfLeen Cld enough
WhaL her mama say l asL
AlnL Lalk Lo her mama
WhaL her daddy say?
AlnL Lalk Lo hlm nelLher
Well whaL shesay?
us alnL never spoke Pe duck hls head Pe alnL so bad looklng 1all and sklnny black llke hls
mama wlLh greaL blg bug eyes
Where yall see each oLher? l asL l see her ln church he say She see me ouLdoors
She llke you?
l donL know l wlnk aL her She acL llke she scared Lo look
Where her daddy aL whlle all Lhls golng on?
Amen corner he say
Shug Avery ls comlng Lo Lown! She comlng wlLh her orkesLra She golng Lo slng ln Lhe Lucky SLar
ouL on Coalman road Mr??? golng Lo hear her Pe dress all up ln fronL Lhe glass look aL hlmself Lhen
undress and dress all over agaln Pe sllck back hls halr wlLh pomade Lhen wash lL ouL agaln Pe been
splLLlng on hls shoes and hlLLlng lL wlLh a qulck rag
Pe Lell me Wash Lhls lron LhaL Look for Lhls Look for LhaL llnd Lhls llnd LhaL Pe groan over
holes ln hls sock
l move round darnlng and lronlng flndlng hanskers AnyLhlng happenlng? l asL
WhaL you mean? he say llke he mad !usL Lrylng Lo glL some of Lhe hlck farmer off myself Any
oLher woman be glad
lm ls glad l say
WhaL you mean? he asL
?ou looks nlce l say Any woman be proud
?ou Lhlnk so? he say
llrsL Llme he asL me lm so surprlse by Llme l say 23 ?eah he ouL on Lhe porch Lrylng Lo shave
where Lhe llghL beLLer
l walk round all day wlLh Lhe announcemenL burnlng a hole ln my pockeL lL plnk 1he Lrees
Lween Lhe Lurn off Lo our road and Lhe sLore ls llL up wlLh Lhem Pe goL bouL flve dozen ln hls Lrunk
Shug Avery sLandlng upslde a plano elbow crook hand on her hlp She wearlng a haL llke lndlan
Chlefs Per mouLh open showlng all her Leef and donL noLhlng seem Lo be Lroubllng her mlnd Come
one come all lL say 1he Cueen Poneybee ls back ln Lown
Lord l wanLs Lo go so bad noL Lo dance noL Lo drlnk noL Lo play card noL even Lo hear Shug
Avery slng l [usL be Lhankful Lo lay eyes on her
Mr??? be gone all nlghL SaLurday all nlghL Sunday and mosL all day Monday Shug Avery ln
Lown for Lhe weekend Pe sLagger ln Lhrow hlmself on Lhe bed Pe Llred Pe sad Pe weak Pe cry 1hen
he sleep Lhe resL of Lhe day and all nlghL
Pe wake up whlle lm ln Lhe fleld l been chopplng coLLon Lhree hours by Llme he come us donL
say noLhlng Lo each oLher
8uL l goL a mllllon quesLlon Lo asL WhaL she wear? ls she sLlll Lhe same old Shug llke ln my
plcLure? Pow her halr ls? WhaL klnd llpsLlck? Wlg? She sLouL? She sklnny? She sound well? 1lred? Slck?
Where you all chlldren aL whlle she slnglng all over Lhe place?
uo she mlss em? CuesLlons be runnlng back and forLh Lhrough my mlnd eel llke snakes l pray
for sLrengLh blLe Lhe lnsldes of my [aws
Mr??? plck up a hoe and sLarL Lo chop Pe chop bouL Lhree chops Lhen he donL chop agaln Pe
drop Lhe hoe ln Lhe furrow Lurn rlghL back on hls heel walk back Lo Lhe house go glL hlm a cool drlnk of
WaLer glL hls plpe slL on Lhe porch and sLare l follow cause l Lhlnk he slck 1hen he say ?ou beLLer glL
on back Lo Lhe fleld uonL walL for me
Parpo no beLLer aL flghLlng hls daddy back Lhan me Lvery day hls daddy glL up slL on Lhe porch
look ouL aL noLhlng SomeLlme look aL Lhe Lrees ouL fronL Lhe house Look aL a buLLerfly lf lL llghL on Lhe
rall urlnk a llLLle waLer ln Lhe day A llLLle wlne ln Lhe evenlng 8uL mosLly never move
Parpo complaln bouL all Lhe plowlng he have Lo do
Pls daddy say ?ou gonna do lL
Parpo nearly blg as hls daddy Pe sLrong ln body buL weak ln wlll Pe scared
Me and hlm ouL ln Lhe fleld all day us sweaL chopplng and plowlng lm roasLed coffee bean
color now Pe black as Lhe lnslde of a chlmney Pls eyes be sad and LhoughLful Pls face begln Lo look llke
a woman face
Why you donL work no more? he asL hls daddy
no reason for me Lo Pls daddy say ?ou here alnL you? Pe say Lhls nasLy Parpos feellng be
hurL
lus he sLlll ln love
Parpo glrl daddy say Parpo noL good enough for her Parpo been courLlng Lhe glrl a whlle Pe
say he slL ln Lhe parlor wlLh her Lhe daddy slL rlghL Lhere ln Lhe corner Llll everybody feel Lerrlble 1hen
he go slL on Lhe porch ln fronL Lhe open door where he can hear everyLhlng nlne oclock come he brlng
Parpo hls haL
Why lm noL good enough? Parpo asL Mr??? Mr??? say ?our mammy
Parpo say WhaL wrong wlLh my mammy?
Mr??? say Somebody klll her
Parpo be Lrouble wlLh nlghLmares Pe see hls mama runnlng cross Lhe pasLure Lrylng Lo glL
home Mr ___ Lhe man Lhey say her boyfrlend caLch up wlLh her She goL Parpo by Lhe hand 1hey
boLh runnlng and runnlng Pe grab hold of her shoulder say ?ou canL qulL me now ?ou mlne She say
no l alnL My place ls wlLh my chlldren Pe say Whore you alnL goL no place Pe shooL her ln Lhe
sLomach She fall down 1he man run Parpo grab her ln hls arms puL her head ln hls lap
Pe sLarL Lo call Mama Mama lL wake me up 1he oLher chlldren Loo 1hey cry llke Lhey mama
[usL dle Parpo come Lo shaklng
l llghL Lhe lamp and sLand over hlm paLLlng hls back
lL noL her faulL somebody klll her he say lL noL! lL noL!
naw l say lL noL
Lverybody say how good l ls Lo Mr??? chlldren l be good Lo Lhem 8uL l donL feel noLhlng for
Lhem aLLlng Parpo back noL even llke paLLlng a dog lL more llke paLLlng anoLher plece of wood noL a
llvlng Lree buL a Lable a chlfferobe Anyhow Lhey donL love me nelLher no maLLer how good l ls
1hey donL mlnd CepL for Parpo Lhey wonL work 1he glrls face always Lo Lhe road 8ub be ouL
all Llmes of nlghL drlnklng wlLh boys Lwlce hls age 1hey daddy puff on hls plpe
Parpo Lell me all hls love buslness now Pls mlnd on Sofla 8uLler day and nlghL
She preLLy he Lell me 8rlghL
SmarL?
naw 8rlghL skln She smarL Loo Lhough l Lhlnk SomeLlme us can glL her away from her daddy
l know rlghL Lhen Lhe nexL Lhlng l hear she be blg
lf she so smarL how come she blg? l asL
Parpo shrug She canL glL ouL Lhe house no oLher way he say Mr??? wonL leL us marry Say
lm noL good enough Lo come ln hls parlor 8uL lf she blg l goL a rlghL Lo be wlLh her good enough or no
Where yall gon sLay?
1hey goL a blg place he say When us marry lll be [usL llke one of Lhe famlly
Pumph l say Mr??? dldnL llke you before she blg he alnL gonna llke you causeshe blg
Parpo look Lrouble
1alk Lo Mr??? l say Pe your daddy Maybe he goL some good advlce
Maybe noL l Lhlnk
Parpo brlng her over Lo meeL hls daddy Mr __? say he wanL Lo have a look aL her l see em
comlng way off up Lhe road 1hey be [usL marchlng hand ln hand llke golng Lo war She ln fronL a llLLle
1hey come up on Lhe porch l speak and move some chalrs closer Lo Lhe ralllng She slL down and sLarL Lo
fan herself wlLh a hansker lL sure ls hoL she say Mr??? donL say noLhlng
Pe [usL look her up and down She bouL seven or elghL monLhs pregnanL bouL Lo busL ouL her
dress Parpo so black he Lhlnk she brlghL buL she alnL LhaL brlghL Cear medlum brown skln gleam on lL
llke on good furnlLure Palr noLLy buL a loL of lL Lled up on her head ln a mass of plalLs She noL qulLe as
Lall as Parpo buL much blgger and sLrong and ruddy looklng llke her mama broughL her up on pork
She say Pow you Mr????
Pe donL answer Lhe quesLlon Pe say Look llke you done goL yourself ln Lrouble
naw suh she say l alnL ln no Lrouble 8lg Lhough
She smooLh Lhe wrlnkles over her sLomach wlLh Lhe flaLs of her hands
Who Lhe faLher? he asL
She look surprlse Parpo she say
Pow he know LhaL?
Pe know She say
?oung womens no good Lhese days he say CoL Lhey legs open Lo every 1om ulck and Parry
Parpo look aL hls daddy llke he never seen hlm before 8uL he donL say noLhlng
Mr??? say no need Lo Lhlnk lm gon leL my boy marry you [usL cause you ln Lhe famlly way Pe
young and llmlLed reLLy gal llke you could puL anyLhlng over on hlm
Parpo sLlll donL say noLhlng
Sofla face glL more ruddy 1he skln move back on her forehead Per ears ralse
8uL she laugh She glance aL Parpo slLLlng Lhere wlLh hls head down and hls hands Lween hls
knees
She say WhaL 1 need Lo marry Parpo for? Pe sLlll llvlng here wlLh you WhaL food and cloLhes he
glL you buy
Pe say ?our daddy done Lhrowed you ouL 8eady Lo llve ln Lhe sLreeL l guess
She say naw l alnL llvlng ln Lhe sLreeL lm llvlng wlLh my slsLer and her husband 1hey say l can
llve wlLh Lhem for Lhe resL of my llfe She sLand up blg sLrong healLhy glrl and she say Well nlce
vlslLlng lm golng home
Parpo geL up Lo come Loo She say naw Parpo you sLay here When you free me and Lhe baby
be walLlng
Pe sorL of hang Lhere beLween Lhem a whlle Lhen he slL down agaln l look aL her face real qulck
Lhen and seem llke a shadow go cross lL 1hen she say Lo me Mrs??? ld Lhank you for a glass of waLer
before l go lf you donL mlnd
1he buckeL on Lhe shelf rlghL Lhere on Lhe porch l glL a clean glass ouL Lhe safe and dlp her up
some waLer She drlnk lL down almosL ln one swallow 1hen she run her hands over her belly agaln and
she Lake off Look llke Lhe army change dlrecLlon and she headlng off Lo caLchup
Parpo never glL up from hls chalr Plm and hls daddy slL Lhere and slL Lhere and slL Lhere 1hey
never Lalk 1hey never move
llnally l have supper and go Lo bed l glL up ln Lhe mornlng lL feel llke Lhey sLlll slLLlng Lhere 8uL
Parpo be ln Lhe ouLhouse Mr??? be shavlng
Parpo wenL and broughL Sofla and Lhe baby home 1hey goL marrled ln Sofla slsLer house
SlsLers husband sLand up wlLh Parpo CLher slsLer sneak way from home Lo sLand up wlLh Sofla AnoLher
slsLer come Lo hold Lhe baby Say he cry rlghL Lhrough Lhe servlce hls mama sLop everyLhlng Lo nurse
hlm llnlsh saylng l do wlLh a blg ole nurslng boy hl her arms
Parpo flx up Lhe llLLle creek house for hlm and hls famlly Mr??? daddy used lL for a shed 8uL lL
sound CoL wlndows now a porch back door lus lL cool and green down by Lhe creek
Pe asL me Lo make some curLalns and l make some ouL of flower sack lL noL blg buL lL homey
CoL a bed a dresser a looklng glass and some chalrs CooksLove for cooklng and heaLlng Loo Parpo
daddy glve hlm wages for worklng now Pe say Parpo wasnL worklng hard llke he should Maybe llLLle
money goose hls lnLeresL
Parpo Lold me Mlss Celle lm golng on sLrlke
Cn whaL?
l alnL golng Lo work
And he donL Pe come Lo Lhe fleld pull Lwo ears of corn leL Lhe blrds and weevll eaL Lwo
hundred us donL make noLhlng much Lhls year
8uL now Sofla comlng he always busy Pe chop he hammer he plow Pe slng and whlsLle
Sofla look half her slze 8uL she sLlll a blg sLrong glrl Arms goL muscle Legs Loo She swlng LhaL
baby abouL llke lL noLhlng
She goL a llLLle poL on her now and glve you Lhe feellng she all Lhere Solld Llke lf she slL down
on someLhlng lL be mash
She Lell Parpo Pold Lhe baby whlle she come back ln Lhe house wlLh me Lo glL some Lhread
She maklng some sheeLs Pe Lake Lhe baby glve lL a klss chuck lL under Lhe chln Crln look up on Lhe
porch aL hls daddy
Mr??? blow smoke look down aL hlm and say ?eah l see now she golng Lo swlLch Lhe Lraces
on you
Parpo wanL Lo know whaL Lo do Lo make Sofla! mlnd Pe slL ouL on Lhe porch wlLh Mr??? Pe
say l Lell her one Lhlng she do anoLher
never do whaL l say Always backLalk
1o Lell Lhe LruLh he sound a llLLle proud of Lhls Lo me
Mr??? donL say noLhlng 8low smoke
l Lell her she canL be all Lhe Llme golng Lo vlslL her slsLer us marrled now l Lell her ?our place ls
here wlLh Lhe chlldren
She say 1ll Lake Lhe chlldren wlLh me l say ?our place ls wlLh me She say ?ou wanL Lo come?
She keep prlmplng ln fronL of Lhe glass geLLlng Lhe chlldren ready aL Lhe same Llme
?ou ever hlL her? Mr??? asL
Parpo look down aL hls hands naw sub he say low embarrass
Well how you specL Lo make her mlnd? Wlves ls llke chlldren ?ou have Lo leL em know who goL
Lhe upper hand noLhlng can do LhaL beLLer Lhan a good sound beaLlng
Pe puff on bls plpe
Sofla Lhlnk Loo much of herself anyway he say She need Lo be Laken down a peg
l llke Sofla buL she donL acL llke me aL all lf she Lalklng when Parpo and Mr??? come ln Lhe
room she keep rlghL on lf Lhey asL her where someLhlng aL she say she donL know keep Lalklng
l Lhlnk bouL Lhls when Parpo asL me whaL he oughL Lo do Lo her Lo make her mlnd l donL
menLlon how happy he ls now Pow Lhree years pass and he sLlll whlsLle and slng l Lhlnk bouL how every
Llme l [ump when Mr _??? call me she look surprlse And llke she plLy me
8eaL her l say
nexL Llme us see Parpo hls face a mess of brulses Pls llp cuL Cne of hls eyes shuL llke a flsL Pe
walk sLlff and say hls Leef ache
l say WhaL happen Lo you Parpo?
Pe say Ch me and LhaL mule She fracLlous you know She wenL crazy ln Lhe fleld Lhe oLher
day 8y Llme l goL her Lo head for home l was all banged up 1hen when l goL home l walked smack dab
lnLo Lhe crlb door PlL my eye and scraLch my chln 1hen when LhaL sLorm come up lasL nlghL l sheL Lhe
wlndow down on my hand
Well l say AfLer all LhaL l donL specL you had a chance Lo see lf you could make Sofla mlnd
nome he say
8uL he keep Lrylng
!usL when l was bouL Lo call ouL LhaL l was comlng ln Lhe yard l hear someLhlng crash lL come
from lnslde Lhe house so l run up on Lhe porch 1he Lwo chlldren be maklng mud ples on Lhe edge of Lhe
creek Lhey donL even look up
l open Lhe door cauLlous Lhlnklng bouL robbers and murderers PorseLhleves and hanLs 8uL lL
Parpo and Sofla 1hey flghLlng llke Lwo mens Lvery plece of furnlLure Lhey goL ls Lurned over Lvery
plaLe look llke lL broke 1he looklng glass hang crooked Lhe curLalns Lorn 1he bed look llke Lhe sLufflng
pulled ouL 1hey donL noLlce 1hey flghL Pe Lry Lo slap her WhaL he do LhaL for?
She reach down and grab a plece of sLove wood and whack hlm cross Lhe eyes Pe punch her ln
Lhe sLomach she double over groanlng buL come up wlLh boLh hands lock rlghL under hls prlvaLes Pe
roll on Lhe floor Pe grab her dress Lall and pull She sLand Lhere ln her sllp She never bllnk a eye Pe
[ump up Lo puL a hammer lock under her chln she Lhrow hlm over her back Pe fall barnup galnsL Lhe
sLove
l donL know how long Lhls been golng on l donL know when Lhey specL Lo conclude l ease on
back ouL wave Lo Lhe chlldren by Lhe creek walk back on up home
SaLurday mornlng early us hear Lhe wagon Parpo Sofla Lhe Lwo bables be golng off for Lhe
weekend Lo vlslL Sofla slsLer
lor over a monLh l have Lrouble1 sleeplng l sLay up laLe as l can before Mr? ??sLarL
complalnlng bouL Lhe prlce of kerosene Lhen l soak myself ln a warm baLh wlLh mllk and epsom salLs
Lhen sprlnkle llLLle wlLch hazel on my plllow and curLaln ouL all Lhe moonllghL SomeLlmes l glL a few
hours sleep 1hen [usL when lL look llke lL oughL Lo be glLLlng good l wakes up
AL flrsL ld glL up qulck and drlnk some mllk 1hen ld Lhlnk bouL counLlng fence posL 1hen ld
Lhlnk bouL readlng Lhe 8lble
WhaL lL ls? l asL myself
A llLLle volce say SomeLhlng you done wrong Somebody splrlL you sln agalnsL Maybe
Way laLe one nlghL lL come Lo me Sofla l sln agalnsL Sofla splrlL
l pray she donL flnd ouL buL she do
Parpo Lold
1he mlnuLe she hear lL she come marchlng up Lhe paLh LoLlng a sack LlLLle cuL all blue and red
under her eye
She say !usL wanL you Lo know l looked Lo you for help
AlnL l been helpful? l asL
She open up her sack Pere your curLalns she say Pere your Lhread Pere a dollar for leLLlng me
use em
1hey yourn l say Lrylng Lo push Lhem back lm glad Lo help ouL uo whaL l can
?ou Lold Parpo Lo beaL me she sald
no l dldnL l sald
uonL lle she sald
l dldnL mean lL l sald
1hen whaL you say lL for? she asL
She sLandlng Lhere looklng me sLralghL ln Lhe eye She look Llred and her [aws full of alr
l say lL cause lm a fool l say l say lL cause lm [ealous of you l say lL cause you do whaL l canL
WhaL LhaL? she say
llghL l say
She sLand Lhere a long Llme llke whaL l sald Look Lhe wlnd ouL her [aws She mad before sad
now
She say All my llfe l had Lo flghL l had Lo flghL my daddy l had Lo flghL my broLhers l had Lo
flghL my couslns and my uncles
A glrl chlld alnL safe ln a famlly of men 8uL l never LhoughL ld have Lo flghL ln my own house
She leL ouL her breaLh l loves Parpo she say Cod knows l do 8uL lll klll hlm dead before l leL hlm beaL
me now lf you wanL a dead sonlnlaw you [usL keep on advlslng hlm llke you dolng She puL her hand
on her hlp l used Lo hunL game wlLh a bow and arrow she say
l sLop Lhe llLLle Lrembllng LhaL sLarLed when l saw her comlng lm soshame of myself l say And
Lhe Lord he done whlp me llLLle blL Loo
1he Lord donL llke ugly she say
And he alnL sLuck on preLLy
1hls open Lhe way for our Lalk Lo Lurn anoLher way
l say ?ou feels sorry for me donL you?
She Lhlnk a mlnuLe ?es maam she say slow l do
l Lhlnk l know how come buL l asL her anyhow
She say 1o Lell Lhe LruLh you remlnd me of my mama She under my daddy Lhumb naw she
under my daddy fooL AnyLhlng he say goes She never say noLhlng back She never sLand up for herself
1ry Lo make a llLLle half sLand someLlme for Lhe chlldren buL LhaL always backflre More she sLand up for
us Lhe harder Llme he glve her Pe haLe chlldren and he haLe where Lhey come from
1ho from all Lhe chlldren he goL youd never know lL
l never know noLhlng bouL her famlly l LhoughL looklng aL her nobody ln her famlly could be
scared
Pow many he goL? l asL
1welve She say
Whew l say My daddy goL slx by my mama before she dle l say Pe goL four more by Lhe wlfe
he goL now l donL menLlon Lhe Lwo he goL by me
Pow many glrls? she asL
llve l say Pow bouL ln your famlly?
Slx boys slx glrls All Lhe glrls blg and sLrong llke me 8oys blg and sLrong Loo buL all Lhe glrls
sLlck LogeLher 1wo broLhers sLlck wlLh us Loo someLlme us glL ln a flghL lLs a slghL Lo see
l alnL never sLruck a llvlng Lhlng l say Ch when l was aL home l Lap Lhe llLLle ones on Lhe
behlnd Lo make em behave buL noL hard enough Lo hurL
WhaL you do when you glL mad? she asL
l Lhlnk l canL even remember Lhe lasL Llme l felL mad l say l used Lo glL mad aL my mammy
cause she puL a loL of work on me
1hen l see how slck she ls CouldnL sLay mad aL her CouldnL be mad aL my daddy cause he my
daddy 8lble say Ponor faLher and moLher no maLLer whaL 1hen afLer whlle every Lune l goL mad or
sLarL Lo feel mad l goL slck lelL llke Lhrowlng up 1errlble feellng 1hen l sLarL Lo feel noLhlng aL all
Sofla frown noLhlng aL all?
Well someLlme Mr??? glL on me preLLy hard l have Lo Lalk Lo Cld Maker 8uL he my husband l
shrug my shoulders 1hls llfe soon be over l say Peaven lasL all ways
?ou oughL Lo bash Mr??? head open she say 1hlnk bouL heaven laLer
noL much funny Lo me 1haL funny l laugh She laugh 1hen us boLh laugh so hard us flop down
on Lhe sLep
LeLs make qullL pleces ouL of Lhese messed up curLalns she say And l run glL my paLLern book
l sleeps llke a baby now
Shug Avery slck and nobody ln Lhls Lown wanL Lo Lake Lhe Cueen Poneybee ln Per mammy say
She Lold her so Per pappy say 1ramp
A woman aL church say she dylng? maybe Lwo berkulosls or some klnd of nasLy woman dlsease
WhaL? l wanL Lo asL buL donL 1he women aL church someLlme nlce Lo me SomeLlme noL 1hey look aL
me Lhere sLruggllng wlLh Mr??? chlldren 1rylng Lo drag em Lo Lhe church Lrylng Lo keep em quleL afLer
us geL Lhere 1hey some of Lhe same ones used Lo be here boLh Llmes l was blg SomeLlmes Lhey Lhlnk l
donL noLlce Lhey sLare aL me uzzle
l keep my head up besL l can l do a rlghL smarL for Lhe preacher Clean Lhe floor and wlndows
make Lhe wlne wash Lhe alLar llnen Make sure Lheres wood for Lhe sLove ln wlnLerLlme Pe call me
SlsLer Celle SlsLer Celle he say ?ou falLhful as Lhe day ls long 1hen he Lalk Lo Lhe oLher ladles and Lhey
mens l scurry bouL dolng Lhls dolng LhaL Mr??? slL back by Lhe door gazlng here and Lhere 1he
womens smlle ln hls dlrecLlon every chance Lhey glL Pe never look aL me or even noLlce
Lven Lhe preacher goL hls mouLh on Shug Avery now she down Pe Lake her condlLlon for hls
LexL Pe donL call no name buL he donL have Lo Lverybody know who he mean Pe Lalk bouL a
sLrumpeL ln shorL sklrLs smoklng clgareLLes drlnklng gln Slnglng for money and Laklng oLher women
mens 1alk bouL sluL hussy helfer and sLreeLcleaner
l cuL my eyes back aL Mr??? when he say LhaL SLreeLcleaner Somebody goL Lo sLand up for
Shug l Lhlnk 8uL he donL say noLhlng
Pe cross hls legs flrsL Lo one slde Lhen Lo Lhe oLher Pe gaze ouL Lhe wlndow 1he same women
smlle aL hlm say amen galnsL Shug
8uL once us home he never sLop Lo Lake off hls cloLhes Pe call down Lo Parpo and Sofla house
Parpo come runnlng
PlLch up Lhe wagon he say
Where us golng? say Parpo
PlLch up Lhe wagon he say agaln
Parpo hlLch up Lhe wagon 1hey sLand Lhere and Lalk a few mlnuLes ouL by Lhe barn 1hen
Mr??? drlve off
Cne good Lhlng bouL Lhe way he never do any work round Lhe place us never mlss hlm when he
gone
llve days laLer l look way off up Lhe road and see Lhe wagon comlng back lL goL sorL of a
canopy over lL now made ouL of old blankeLs or someLhlng My hearL begln Lo beaL llke furry and Lhe
flrsL Lhlng l Lry Lo do ls change my dress
8uL Loo laLe for LhaL 8y Llme l glL my head and arm ouL Lhe old dress l see Lhe wagon pull up ln
Lhe yard lus a new dress wonL help none wlLh my noLLy head and dusLy headrag my old everyday
shoes and Lhe way l smell
l donL know whaL Lo do lm so beslde myself l sLand Lhere ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe klLchen Mlnd
whlrllng l feels llke Who Would Pave 1houghL
Celle lhear Mr??? call Parpo
lsLlck my head and my arm back ln my old dress and wlpe Lhe sweaL and dlrL off my face as besL
l can l come Lo Lhe door ?esslr?
l asL and Lrlp over Lhe broom l was sweeplng wlLh when l flrsL noLlce Lhe wagon
Parpo and Sofla ln Lhe yard now looklng lnslde Lhe wagon 1hey faces grlm
Who Lhls? Parpo asL
1he woman should have been your mammy he say
Shug Avery? Parpo asL Pe look up aL me
Pelp me glL her ln Lhe house Mr??? say
l Lhlnk my hearL gon fly ouL my mouLh when l see one of her fooLs come poklng ouL
She noL lylng down She cllmblng down Lween Parpo and Mr ___ And she dress Lo klll She goL
on a red wool dress and chesLful of black beads A shlny black haL wlLh whaL look llke chlcklnhawk
feaLhers curve down slde one cheek and she carrylng a llLLle snakeskln bag maLch her shoes
She look so sLyllsh lL llke Lhe Lrees all round Lhe house draw Lhemself up Lall for a beLLer look
now l see she sLumble Lween Lhe Lwo men She donL seem LhaL well acqualnLed wlLh her feeLs
Close up l see all Lhls yellow powder caked up on her face 8ed rouge She look llke she alnL long
for Lhls world buL dressed well for Lhe nexL 8uL l know beLLer
Come on ln l wanL Lo cry 1o shouL Come on ln WlLh Cod help Celle golng Lo make you well
8uL l donL say noLhlng lL noL my house Also l alnL been Lold noLhlng
1hey glL halfway up Lhe sLep Mr??? look up aL me Celle he say 1hls here Shug Avery Cld
frlend of Lhe famlly llx up Lhe spare room 1hen he look down aL her hold her ln one arm hold on Lo
Lhe rall wlLh Lhe oLher Parpo on Lhe oLher slde looklng sad Sofla and Lhe chlldren ln Lhe yard
waLchlng
l donL move aL once cause l canL l need Lo see her eyes l feel llke once l see her eyes my feeLs
can leL go Lhe spoL where Lhey sLuck
ClL movlng he say sharp
And Lhen she look up
under all LhaL powder her face black as Parpo She goL a long polnLed nose and blg fleshy
mouLh Llps look llke black plum Lyes blg glossy leverlsh And mean Llke slck as she ls lf a snake cross
her paLh she klll lL
She look me over from head Lo fooL 1hen she cackle Sound llke a deaLh raLLle ?ou sure ls ugly
she say llke she alnL belleved lL
AlnL noLhlng wrong wlLh Snug Avery She [usL slck Slcker Lhan anybody l ever seen She slcker
Lhan my mama was when she dle
8uL she more evll Lhan my mama and LhaL keep her allve
Mr??? be ln Lhe room wlLh her all Llme of Lhe nlghL or day Pe donL hold her hand Lhough She
Loo evll for LhaL 1urn loose my goddam hand she say Lo Mr _____ WhaL Lhe maLLer wlLh you you
crazy? l donL need no weak llLLle boy canL say no Lo hls daddy hanglng on me l need me a man she
say A man She look aL hlm and roll her eyes and laugh lL noL much of a laugh buL lL keep hlm away
from Lhe bed Pe slL over ln Lhe corner away from Lhe lamp SomeLlme she wake up ln Lhe nlghL and
donL even see 8uL he Lhere SlLLlng ln Lhe shadows chewlng on hls plpe no Lobacco ln lL llrsL Lhlng she
sald l donL wanL Lo smell no sLlnklng blankeLyblank plpe you hear me AlberL?
Who AlberL l wonder 1hen l remember AlberL Mr??? flrsL name
Mr ??? donL smoke uonL drlnk uonL even hardly eaL Pe [usL goL her ln LhaL llLLle room
waLchlng every breaLh
WhaL happen Lo her l asL?
?ou donL wanL her here [usL say so he say WonL do no good 8uL lf LhaL Lhe way you feel Pe
donL flnlsh
l wanL her here l say Loo qulck Pe look aL me llke maybe lm plannlng someLhlng bad
l [usL wanL Lo know whaL happen l say
l look aL hls face lL Llred and sad and l noLlce hls chln weak noL much chln Lhere aL all l have
more chln l Lhlnk And hls cloLhes dlrLy dlrLy When he pull Lhem off dusL rlse
nobody flghL for Shug he say And a llLLle waLer come Lo hls eyes
1hey have made Lhree bables LogeLher buL he squeamlsh bouL glvlng her a baLh Maybe he
flgure he sLarL Lhlnklng bouL Lhlngs he shouldnL 8uL whaL bouL me? llrsL Llme l goL Lhe full slghL of Shug
Avery long black body wlLh lL black plum nlpples look llke her mouLh l LhoughL l had Lurned lnLo a man
WhaL you sLarlng aL? she asL PaLeful She weak as a klLLen 8uL her mouLh [usL pack wlLh claws
?ou never seen a naked woman before?
no maam l sald l never dld CepL for Sofla and she so plump and ruddy and crazy she feel llke
my slsLer
She say Well Lake a good look Lven lf l ls [usL a bag of bones now She have Lhe nerve Lo puL
one hand on her naked hlp and baL her eyes aL me 1hen she suck her Leef and roll her eyes aL Lhe celllng
whlle l wash her
l wash her body lL feel llke lm praylng My hands Lremble and my breaLh shorL
She say ?ou ever have any klds?
l say ?es maam
She say Pow many and donL you yes maam me l alnL LhaL old
l say Lwo
She asL me Where Lhey ls? l say l donL know She look aL me funny
My klds wlLh Lhey grandma she say She could sLand Lhe klds l had Lo go ?ou mlss em? l asL
naw she say l donL mlss noLhlng
l asL Shug Avery whaL she wanL for breakfasL She say WhaL yall goL? l say ham grlLs eggs
blsculLs coffee sweeL mllk or buLLer mllk flap[acks !elly and [am
She say ls LhaL all? WhaL abouL orange [ulce grapefrulL sLrawberrles and cream lea 1hen she
laugh
l donL wanL none of your damn food she say !usL glmme a cup of coffee and hand me my
clgareLLes
l donL argue l glL Lhe coffee and llghL her clgareLLe She wearlng a long whlLe gown and her Lhln
black hand sLreLchlng ouL of lL Lo hold Lhe whlLe clgareLLe looks [usL rlghL SomeLhlng bouL lL maybe Lhe
llLLle Lender velns l see and Lhe blg ones l Lry noL Lo make me scared l feel llke someLhlng pushlng me
forward lf l donL waLch ouL lll have hold of her hand LasLlng her flngers ln my mouLh
Can l slL ln here and eaL wlLh you? l asL
She shrug She busy looklng aL a magazlne WhlLe women ln lL laughlng holdlng Lhey beads ouL
on one flnger danclng on Lop of moLocars !umplng lnLo founLalns She fllp Lhe pages Look dlssaLlsfled
8emlnd me of a chlld Lrylng Lo glL someLhlng ouL a Loy lL canL work yeL
She drlnk her coffee puff on her clgareLLe l blLe lnLo a blg [ulcy plece of home cured ham ?ou
can smell Lhls ham for a mlle when you cooklng lL lL perfume up her llLLle room wlLh no Lrouble aL all
l lavlsh buLLer on a hoL blsculL sorL of wave lL abouL l sop up ham gravey and splosh my eggs ln
wlLh my grlLs
She blow more and more smoke Look down ln her coffee llke maybe lLs someLhlng solld aL Lhe
boLLom
llnally she say Celle l belleve l could drlnk a glass of waLer And Lhls here by Lhe bed alnL fresh
She hold ouL her glass
l puL my plaLe down on Lhe card Lable by Lhe bed l go dlp her up some waLer l come back plck
up my plaLe Look llke a llLLle mouse been rabbllng Lhe blsculL a raL run off wlLh Lhe ham
She acL llke noLhlng happen 8egln Lo complaln bouL belng Llred uoze on off Lo sleep
Mr??? asL me how l glL her Lo eaL l say nobody llvlng can sLand Lo smell home cured ham
wlLhouL LasLlng lL lf Lhey dead Lhey goL a chance Maybe
Mr??? laugh
l noLlce someLhlng crazy ln hls eyes
l been scared he say Scared And he cover up hls eyes wlLh hls hands
Shug Avery slL up ln bed a llLLle Loday l wash and comb ouL her halr She goL Lhe noLLlesL
shorLesL klnklesL halr l ever saw and l loves every sLrand of lL 1he halr LhaL come ouL ln my comb l kepL
Maybe one day lll geL a neL make me a raL Lo pomp up my own halr
l work on her llke she a doll or llke she Cllvla? or llke she mama l comb and paL comb and paL
llrsL she say hurry up and glL flnlsh 1hen she melL down a llLLle and lean back galnsL my knees 1haL feel
[usL rlghL she say 1haL feel llke mama used Lo do Cr maybe noL mama Maybe grandma She reach for
anoLher clgareLLe SLarL hum a llLLle Lune
WhaL LhaL song? l asL Sound low down dlrLy Lo me Llke whaL Lhe preacher Lell you lLs sln Lo
hear noL Lo menLlon slng
She hum a llLLle more SomeLhlng come Lo me she say SomeLhlng l made up SomeLhlng you
help scraLch ouL my head
Mr??? daddy show up Lhls evenlng Pe a llLLle shorL shrunk up man wlLh a bald head and gold
specLacles Pe clear hls LhroaL a loL llke everyLhlng he say need announcemenL 1alk wlLh hls head leanL
Lo Lhe slde
Pe come rlghL Lo Lhe polnL
!usL couldnL resL Llll you goL her ln your house could you? he say comlng up Lhe sLep
Mr??? donL say noLhlng Look ouL cross Lhe ralllng aL Lhe Lrees over Lhe Lop of Lhe well Lyes
resL on Lhe Lop of Parpo and Sofla house
WonL you have a seaL? l asL pushlng hlm up a chalr Pow bouL a cool drlnk of waLer?
1hrough Lhe wlndow l hear Shug hummlng and hummlng pracLlclng her llLLle song l sneak back
Lo her room and sheL Lhe wlndow
Cld Mr ___ say Lo Mr??? !usL whaL ls lL bouL Lhls Shug Avery anyway he say She black as Lar
she nappy headed She goL legs llke baseball baLs
Mr??? donL say noLhlng l drop llLLle splL ln Cld Mr??? waLer
Why say Cld Mr??? she alnL even clean l hear she goL Lhe nasLy woman dlsease
l Lwlrl Lhe splL round wlLh my flnger l Lhlnk bouL ground glass wonder how you grlnd lL 8uL l
donL feel mad aL all !usL lnLeresL
Mr ??? Lurn hls head slow waLch hls daddy drlnk 1hen say real sad ?ou alnL goL lL ln you Lo
undersLand he say l love Snug Avery Always have always wlll l should have marrled her when l had
Lhe chance
?eah say Cld Mr??? And Lhrowed your llfe away (Mr??? grunL rlghL Lhere) And a rlghL smarL
of my money wlLh lL Cld Mr??? clear hls LhroaL nobody even sure exacLly who her daddy ls
l never care who her daddy ls say Mr???
And her mammy Lake ln whlLe people dlrLy cloLhes Lo Lhls day lus all her chlldren goL dlfferenL
daddys lL all [usL Loo Lrlfllng and confuse
Well say Mr??? and Lurn full face on hls daddy All Shug Avery chlldren goL Lhe same daddy l
vouch for LhaL
Cld Mr??? clear hls LhroaL Well Lhls my house 1hls my land ?our boy Parpo ln one of my
houses on my land Weeds come up on my land l chop em up 1rash blow over lL l burn lL Pe rlse Lo
go Pand me hls glass nexL Llme he come l puL a llLLle Shug Avery pee ln hls glass See how he llke LhaL
Celle he say you have my sympaLhy noL many women leL Lhey husband whore lay up ln Lhey
house
8uL he noL saylng Lo me he saylng lL Lo Mr???
Mr??? look up aL me our eyes meeL 1hls Lhe closesL us ever felL
Pe say Pand a hls haL Celle
And l do Mr??? donL move from hls chalr by Lhe ralllng l sLand ln Lhe door us waLch Cld
Mr??? begln harrumplng and harrumplng down Lhe road home
nexL one come vlslL hls broLher 1oblas Pe real faL and Lall look llke a blg yellow bear Mr???
small llke hls daddy hls broLher sLand way Laller
Where she aL? he asL grlnnlng Where Lhe Cueen Poneybee? CoL someLhlng for her he say Pe
puL llLLle box of chocolaLe on Lhe ralllng
She sleeplng l say uldnL sleep much lasL nlghL
Pow you dolng Lhere AlberL he say dragglng up a chalr Pe run hls hand over hls sllcked back
halr and Lry Lo feel lf Lheres a bugga ln hls nose Wlpe hls hand on hls panLs Shake ouL Lhe crease
l [usL heard Shug Avery was here he say Pow long you had her?
Ch say Mr??? couple of monLhs
Pell say 1oblas l heard she was dylng 1haL goes Lo show donL lL LhaL you canL belleve
everyLhlng you hear Pe smooLh down hls musLache run hls Longue ouL Lhe colners of hls llps
WhaL you know good Mlss Celle? he say
noL much l say
Me and Sofla pleclng anoLher qullL LogeLher l goL bouL flve squares pleced spread ouL on Lhe
Lable by my knee My baskeL full of scraps on Lhe floor
Always busy always busy he say l wlsh MargareL was more llke you Save me a bundle of
money
1oblas and hls daddy always Lalk bouL money llke Lhey sLlll goL a loL Cld Mr??_ been selllng off
Lhe place so LhaL noLhlng much lefL buL Lhe houses and Lhe flelds My and Parpo flelds brlng ln more
Lhan anybody
l plece on my square Look aL Lhe colors of Lhe cloLh
1hen l hear 1oblas chalr fall back and he say Shug
Shug halfway Lween slck and well Palfway Lween good and evll Loo MosL days now she show
me and Mr??? her good slde 8uL evll all over her Loday She smlle llke a razor openlng Say Well well
look whos here Loday
She wearlng a llLLle flowery shlfL l made for her and noLhlng else She look bouL Len wlLh her halr
all cornrowed She sklnny as a bean and her face full of eyes
Me and Mr??? boLh look up aL her 8oLh move Lo help her slL down She donL look aL hlm She
pull up a chalr nexL Lo me
She plck up a random plece of cloLh ouL Lhe baskeL Pold lL up Lo Lhe llghL lrown Pow you sew
Lhls damn Lhlng? she say
l hand her Lhe square lm worklng on sLarL anoLher one She sew long crooked sLlches remlnd
me of LhaL llLLle crooked Lune she slng
1haL real good for flrsL Lry l say 1haL [usL flne and dandy She look aL me and snorL LveryLhlng l
do ls flne and dandy Lo you Mlss Celle she say 8uL LhaLs cause you alnL goL good sense She laugh l
duck my head
She goL a heap more Lhan MargareL say 1oblas MargareL Lake LhaL needle and sew your nosLrlls
LogeLher
All womens noL allke 1oblas she say 8elleve lL or noL
Ch l belleve lL he say !usL canL prove lL Lo Lhe world
llrsL Llme l Lhlnk abouL Lhe world
WhaL Lhe world goL Lo do wlLh anyLhlng l Lhlnk 1hen l see myself slLLlng Lhere qullLlng Lween
Shug Avery and Mr??? us Lhree seL LogeLher galnsL lbblas and hls fly speck box of chocolaLe lbr Lhe
flrsL Llme hl my llfe l feel [usL rlghL
Me and Sofla work on Lhe qullL CoL lL frame up on Lhe porch Shug Avery donaLe her old yellow
dress for scrap and l work ln a plece every chance l geL lL a nlce paLLern call SlsLers Cholce lf Lhe qullL
Lurn ouL perfecL maybe l glve lL Lo her lf lL noL perfecL maybe l keep l wanL lL for myself [usL for Lhe
llLLle yellow pleces look llke sLars buL noL Mr??? and Shug walk up Lhe road Lo Lhe mallbox 1he house
quleL cepL for Lhe flles 1hey swlng Lhrough every now and Lhen drunk from eaLlng and en[oylng Lhe
heaL buzz enough Lo make me drowsy
Sofla look llke someLhlng on her mlnd she [usL noL sure whaL She bend over Lhe frame sew a
llLLle whlle Lhen rear back ln her chalr and look ouL cross Lhe yard llnally she resL her needle say Why
do people eaL Mlss Celle Lell me LhaL
1o sLay allve l say WhaL else? Course some folks eaL cause food LasLe good Lo em 1hen some
ls gluLLons 1hey love Lo feel Lhey mouLh work
1hem Lhe only reasons you can Lhlnk of? she asL
Well someLlme lL mlghL be a case of belng undernourlsh l say
She muse Pe noL undernourlsh she say
Who alnL? l asL
Parpo She say
Parpo?
Pe eaLlng more and more every day
Maybe he goL a Lape worm?
She frown naw she say l donL Lhlnk lL a Lape worm 1ape worm make you hungry Parpo eaL
when he alnL even hungry
WhaL force lL down? 1hls hard Lo belleve buL someLlme you hear new Lhlngs everyday noL me
you undersLand buL some folk do say LhaL
LasL nlghL for supper he aLe a whole pan of blsculLs by hlmself
naw l say
Pe sure dld And had Lwo blg glasses of buLLer mllk along wlLh lL 1hls was afLer supper was over
Loo l was glvlng Lhe chlldren Lhey baLhs geLLlng em ready for bed Pe sposed Lo be washlng Lhe dlshes
SLead of washlng plaLes he cleanlng em wlLh hls mouLh
Well maybe he was exLra hungry ?all ls been worklng hard
noL LhaL hard she say And Lhls mornlng for breakfasL darn lf he dldnL have slx eggs AfLer all
LhaL food he look Loo slck Lo walk When us goL Lo Lhe fleld l LhoughL he was golng Lo faulL
lf Sofla say darn someLhlng wrong Maybe he donL wanL Lo wash dlshes l say Pls daddy never
wash a dlsh ln hls llfe
?ou reckon? she say Pe seem so much Lo love lL 1o Lell Lhe LruLh he love LhaL parL of
housekeeplng a heap more en me l raLher be ouL ln Lhe flelds or foollng wlLh Lhe anlmals Lven
chopplng wood 8uL he love cooklng and cleanlng and dolng llLLle Lhlngs round Lhe house
Pe sure ls a good cook l say 8lg surprlse Lo me LhaL he knew anyLhlng abouL lL Pe never cooked
so much as a egg when he llved aL home
l beL he wanLed Lo she sald lL seem so naLural Lo hlm 8uL Mr??? ?ou know how he ls
Ch he all rlghL l say
?ou feellng yourself Mlss Celle? Sofla asL
l mean he all rlghL ln some Lhlngs noL ln oLhers
Ch she say Anyway nexL Llme he come here noLlce lf he eaL anyLhlng
l noLlce whaL he eaL all rlghL llrsL Lhlng comlng up Lhe sLeps l glve hlm a close look Pe sLlll
sklnny bouL half Sofla slze buL l see a llLLle poL beglnnlng under hls overalls
WhaL you goL Lo eaL Mlss Celle? he say golng sLralghL Lo Lhe warmer and a plece of frled
chlcken Lhen on Lo Lhe safe for a sllce of blackberry ple Pe sLand by Lhe Lable and munch munch ?ou
goL any sweeL mllk? he asL
CoL clabber l say
Pe say Well l love clabber And dlp hlm ouL some
Sofla musL noL be feedlng you l say
Why you say LhaL? he asL wlLh hls mouLh full
Well lL noL LhaL long afLer dlnner and here you ls hungry agaln
Pe donL say noLhlng LaL
Course l say supperLlme noL Loo far off elLher 8ouL Lhree four hours
Pe rummage Lhrough Lhe drawer for a spoon Lo eaL Lhe clabber wlLh Pe see a sllce of cornbread
on Lhe shelf back of Lhe sLove he grab lL and crumble lL lnLo Lhe glass us go back ouL on Lhe porch and
he puL hls fooLs up on Lhe ralllng LaL hls clabber and cornbread wlLh Lhe glass near bouL Lo hls nose
8emlnd me of a hog aL Lhe LroLh
lood LasLlng llke food Lo you Lhese days huh l say llsLenlng Lo hlm chew
Pe donL say noLhlng LaL
l look ouL cross Lhe yard l see Sofla dragglng a ladder and Lhen lean lL up galnsL Lhe house She
wearlng a old palr of Parpo panLs CoL her head Lled up ln a headrag She clam up Lhe ladder Lo Lhe roof
begln Lo hammer hl nalls Sound echo cross Lhe yard llke shoLs
Parpo eaL waLch her
1hen he belch Say Scuse me Mlss Celle lake Lhe glass and spoon back ln Lhe klLchen Come ouL
and say 8ye
no maLLer whaL happenlng now no maLLer who come no maLLer whaL Lhey say or do Parpo
eaL Lhrough lL lood on hls mlnd mornlng noon and nlghL Pls belly grow and grow buL Lhe resL of hlm
donL Pe begln Lo look llke he blg
When lL due? us asL
Parpo donL say noLhlng 8each for anoLher plece of ple
Parpo sLaylng wlLh us Lhls weekend lrlday nlghL afLer Mr??? and Shug and me done gone Lo
bed l heard Lhls somebody crylng
Parpo slLLlng ouL on Lhe sLeps crylng llke hls hearL gon break Ch boohoo and boohoo Pe goL
hls head ln hls hands Lears and snoL runnlng down hls chln l glve hlm a hansker Pe blow hls nose look
up aL me ouL of Lwo eyes close llke flsLs
WhaL happen Lo your eyes? l asL
Pe clam round ln hls mlnd for a sLory Lo Lell Lhen fall back on Lhe LruLh
Sofla he say
?ou sLlll boLherlng Sofla? l asL
She my wlfe he say
1haL donL mean you goL Lo keep on boLherlng her l say Sofla love you she a good wlfe Cood
Lo Lhe chlldren and good looklng
Pardworklng Cod fearlng and clean ldonL know whaL more you wanL
Parpo snlffle
l wanL her Lo do whaL l say llke you do for a
Ch Lord l say
When a Lell you Lo do someLhlng you do lL he say When he say noL Lo you donL ?ou donL
do whaL he say he beaL you
SomeLlme beaL me anyhow l say wheLher l do whaL he say or noL
1haLs rlghL say Parpo 8uL noL Sofla She do whaL she wanL donL pay me no mlnd aL all l Lry Lo
beaL her she black my eyes
Ch boohoo he cry 8oohoohoo
l sLarL Lo Lake back my hansker Maybe push hlm and hls black eyes off Lhe sLep l Lhlnk bouL
Sofla She Llckle me l used Lo hunL game wlLh a bow and arrow she say
Some womens canL be beaL l say Sofla one of Lhem 8esldes Sofla love you She probably be
happy Lo do mosL of whaL you say lf you asL her rlghL She noL mean she noL splLeful She donL hold a
grudge
Pe slL Lhere hanglng hls head looklng reLard
Parpo l say glvlng hlm a shake Sofla loveyou ?ou loveSofla
Pe look up aL me besL he can ouL hls faL llLLle eyes ?es maam? he say
Mr??? marry me Lo Lake care of hls chlldren l marry hlm cause my daddy made me l donL love
Mr??? and he donL love me
8uL you hls wlfe he say [usL llke Sofla mlne 1he wlfe spose Lo mlnd
uo Shug Avery mlnd Mr???? l asL She Lhe woman he wanLed Lo marry She call hlm AlberL Lell
hlm hls drawers sLlnk ln a mlnuLe
LlLLle as he ls when she glL her welghL back she can slL on hlm lf he Lry Lo boLher her
67 Why l menLlon welghL Parpo sLarL Lo cry agaln 1hen he sLarL Lo be slck Pe lean over Lhe
edge of Lhe sLep and vomlL and vomlL
Look llke every plece of ple for Lhe lasL year come up When he empLy l puL hlm ln Lhe bed nexL
Lo Shugs llLLle room Pe fall rlghL off Lo sleep
l go vlslL Sofla she sLlll worklng on Lhe roof
1he darn Lhlng leak she say
She ouL Lo Lhe woodplle maklng shlngles She puL a blg square plece of wood on Lhe chopplng
block and chop chop she make blg flaL shlngles She puL Lhe ax down and asL me do l wanL some
lemonade
l look aL her good LxcepL for a brulse on her wrlsL she donL look llke she goL a scraLch on her
Pow lL golng wlLh you and Parpo? l asL
Well she say he sLop eaLlng so much 8uL maybe Lhls [usL a spell
Pe Lrylng Lo glL as blg as you l say
She suck ln her breaLh l klnda LhoughL so she say and leL ouL her breaLh real slow
All Lhe chlldren come runnlng up Mama Mama us wanL lemonade She pour ouL flve glasses
for Lhem Lwo for us us slL ln a wooden swlng she made lasL summer and hung on Lhe shady end of Lhe
porch
lm glLLlng Llred of Parpo she say All he Lhlnk abouL slnce us marrled ls how Lo make me mlnd
Pe donL wanL a wlfe he wanL a dog
Pe your husband l say CoL Lo sLay wlLh hlm Llse whaL you gon do?
My slsLer husband caughL ln Lhe drafL she say 1hey donL have no chlldren Cdessa love
chlldren Pe lefL her on a llLLle farm
Maybe l go sLay wlLh Lhem a whlle Me and my chlldren
l Lhlnk bouL my slsLer neLLle 1houghL so sharp lL go Lhrough me llke a paln Somebody Lo run Lo
lL seem Loo sweeL Lo bear
Sofla go on frownlng aL her glass
l donL llke Lo go Lo bed wlLh hlm no more she say used Lo be when he Louch me ld go all ouL
my head now when he Louch me l [usL donL wanL Lo be boLhered Cnce he glL on Lop of me l Lhlnk bouL
how LhaLs where he always wanL Lo be She slp her lemonade
l use Lo love LhaL parL of lL she say l use Lo chase hlm home from Lhe fleld ClL all hoL [usL
waLchlng hlm puL Lhe chlldren Lo bed 8uL no more now l feels Llred all Lhe Llme no lnLeresL
now now l say Sleep on lL some maybe lL come back 8uL l say Lhls [usL Lo be saylng
someLhlng l donL know noLhlng bouL lL
Mr??? clam on Lop of me do hls buslness ln Len mlnuLes us boLh sleep Cnly Llme l feel
someLhlng sLlrrlng down Lhere ls when l Lhlnk bouL Shug And LhaL llke runnlng Lo Lhe end of Lhe road
and lL Lurn back on lLself
?ou know Lhe worsL parL? she say 1he worsL parL ls l donL Lhlnk he noLlce Pe glL up Lhere and
en[oy hlmself [usL Lhe same no maLLer whaL lm Lhlnklng no maLLer whaL l feel lL [usL hlm PearLfeellng
donL even seem Lo enLer lnLo lL She snorL 1he facL he can do lL llke LhaL make me wanL Lo klll hlm
us look up Lhe paLh Lo Lhe house see Shug and Mr ___ slLLlng on Lhe sLeps Pe reach over and
plck someLhlng ouL her halr
l donL know say Sofla Maybe l wonL go ueep down l sLlll love Parpo buL? he [usL makes me
realLlred She yawn Laugh l need a vacaLlon she say 1hen she go back Lo Lhe woodplle sLarL maklng
some more shlngles for Lhe roof
Sofla rlghL abouL her slsLers 1hey all blg sLrong healLhy glrls look llke amazons 1hey come early
one mornlng ln Lwo wagons Lo plck Sofla up She donL have much Lo Lake her and Lhe chlldren cloLhes
a maLLress she made lasL wlnLer a looklng glass and a rocklng chalr 1he chlldren
Parpo slL on Lhe sLeps acLlng llke he donL care Pe maklng a neL for selnlng flsh Pe look ouL
Loward Lhe creek every once ln a whlle and whlsLle a llLLle Lune 8uL lL noLhlng compared Lo Lhe way he
usually whlsLle Pls llLLle whlsLle sound llke lL losL way down ln a [ar and Lhe [ar ln Lhe boLLom of Lhe
creek
AL Lhe lasL mlnuLe l declde Lo glve Sofla Lhe qullL l donL know whaL her slsLer place be llke buL
we been havlng rlghL smarL cold weaLher long ln now lor all l know she and Lhe chlldren have Lo sleep
on Lhe floor
?ou gon leL her go? l asL Parpo
Pe look llke only a fool could asL Lhe quesLlon Pe puff back She made up her mlnd Lo go he
say Pow lm gon sLop her? LeL her go on he say cuLLlng hls eyes aL her slsLer wagons
us slL on Lhe sLeps LogeLher All us hear from lnslde ls Lhe Lhump Lhump Lhump of plump and
sLouL feeL All Sofla slsLers movlng round LogeLher aL one Llme make Lhe house shake
Where us golng? asL Lhe oldesL glrl
Colng Lo vlslL AunL Cdessa say Sofla
uaddy comlng? she asL
naw say Sofla
Pow come daddy alnL comlng? anoLher one asL
uaddy need Lo sLay here and Lake care of Lhe house Look afLer ullsey Coco and 8oo
1he chlld come sLand ln fronL of hls daddy and [usL look aL hlm real good
?ou noL comlng? he say
Parpo say naw
Chlld go whlsper Lo Lhe baby crawllng round on Lhe floor uaddy noL comlng wlLh us whaL you
Lhlnk of LhaL
8aby slL real sLlll sLraln real hard farL
us all laugh buL lL sad Loo Parpo plck lL up flnger Lhe daldle and geL her ready for a change
l donL Lhlnk she weL say Sofla !usL gas
8uL he change her anyway Plm and Lhe baby over ln a corner of Lhe llLLle porch ouL of Lhe way
of Lrafflc Pe use Lhe old dry daldle Lo wlpe hls eyes
AL Lhe lasL he hand Sofla Lhe baby and she sllng lL up slde her hlp sllng a sack of daldles and
food over her shoulder corral all Lhe llLLle ones LogeLher Lell em Lo Say Coodbye Lo uaddy 1hen she
hug me besL she can whaL wlLh Lhe baby and all and she clam up on Lhe wagon Lvery slsLer [usL abouL
goL a chlld Lween her knees cepL Lhe Lwo drlvlng Lhe mules and Lhey all quleL as Lhey leave Sofla and
Parpo yard and drlve on up pasL Lhe house
Sofla gone slx monLhs Parpo acL llke a dlfferenL man used Lo be a homebody now all Lhe Llme
ln Lhe road
l asL hlm whaL golng on Pe say Mlss Celle l done learned a few Lhlngs
Cne Lhlng he learned ls LhaL he cuLe AnoLher LhaL he smarL lus he can make money Pe donL
say who Lhe Leacher ls
l hadnL heard so much hammerlng slnce before Sofla lefL buL every evenlng afLer he leave Lhe
fleld he knocklng down and nalllng up SomeLlme hls frlend Swaln come by Lo help 1he Lwo of Lhem
work all lnLo Lhe nlghL Mr??? have Lo call down Lo Lell Lhem Lo shuL up Lhe rackeL
WhaL you bulldlng? l asL
!uke[olnL he say
Way back here?
no furLher back Lhan any of Lhe oLhers
l donL know noLhlng bouL no oLhers only bouL Lhe Lucky SLar
!uke[olnL sposed Lo be back ln Lhe woods say Parpo
nobody be boLhered by Lhe loud muslc 1he danclng Ple flghLs
Swaln say Lhe kllllngs
Parpo say and Lhe pollces donL know where Lo look
WhaL Sofla gon say bouL whaL you dolng Lo her house? l asL Spose she and Lhe chlldren come
back Where Lhey gon sleep
1hey alnL comlng back say Parpo nalllng LogeLher planks for a counLer
Pow you know? l asL
Pe donL answer Pe keep worklng dolng every Lhlng wlLh Swaln
1he flrsL week nobody come Second week Lhree or four 1hlrd week one Parpo slL behlnd hls
llLLle counLer llsLenlng Lo Swaln plck hls box
Pe goL cold drlnks he goL barbecue he goL chlLllns goL sLore boughL bread Pe goL a slgn
saylng Parpos Lacked up on Lhe slde of Lhe house and anoLher one ouL on Lhe road 8uL he alnL goL no
cusLomers
l go down Lhe paLh Lo Lhe yard sLand ouLslde look ln Parpo look ouL and wave
Come on ln Mlss Celle he say
l say naw Lhank you
Mr??? someLlme walk down have a cold drlnk llsLen Lo Swaln Mlss Shug walk down Loo every
once ln a whlle She sLlll wearlng her llLLle shlfLs and l sLlll cornrow her halr buL lL geLLlng long now and
she say soon she wanL lL press
Parpo puzzle by Shug Cne reason ls she say whaLever come Lo mlnd forglL abouL pollLe
SomeLlme l see hlm sLarlng aL her real hard when he donL Lhlnk lm looklng
Cne day he say nobody comlng way ouL here [usL Lo hear Swaln Wonder could l geL Lhe Cueen
Poneybee?
l donL know l sald She a loL beLLer now always hummlng or slnglng someLhlng She probably
be glad Lo glL back Lo work Why donL you ask her?
Shug say hls place noL much compared Lo whaL she used Lo buL she Lhlnk maybe she mlghL
grace lL wlLh a song
Parpo and Swaln goL Mr??? Lo glve em some of Shug old announcemenLs from ouL Lhe Lrunk
Crossed ouL 1he Lucky SLar of Coalman 8oad puL ln Parpos of ___ planLaLlon SLuck em on Lrees Lween
Lhe Lurn off Lo our road and Lown 1he flrsL SaLurday nlghL so many folks come Lhey couldnL glL ln
Shug Shug baby us LhoughL you was dead
llve ouL of a dozen say hello Lo Shug llke LhaL
And come Lo flnd ouL lL was you Shug say wlLh a blg grln
AL lasL l glL Lo see Shug Avery work l glL Lo waLch her l glL Lo hear her
Mr ___ dldnL wanL me Lo come Wlves donL go Lo places llke LhaL he say
?eah buL Celle golng say Shug whlle l press her halr Spose l glL slck whlle lm slnglng she say
Spose my dress come undone?
She wearlng a sklnLlghL red dress look llke Lhe sLraps made ouL of Lwo pleces of Lhread
Mr??? muLLer puLLlng on hls cloLhes My wlfe canL do Lhls My wlfe canL do LhaL no wlfe of
mlnes Pe go on and on
Shug Avery flnally say Cood Lhlng l alnL your damn wlfe
Pe hush Lhen All Lhree of us go down Lo Parpos Mr??? and me slL aL Lhe same Lable Mr _??
drlnk whlskey l have a cold drlnk
llrsL Shug slng a song by somebody name 8essle SmlLh She say 8essle somebody she know Cld
frlend lL call A Cood Man ls Pard Lo llnd She look over aL Mr??? a llLLle when she slng LhaL l look over
aL hlm Loo lor such a llLLle man he all puff up
Look llke all he can do Lo sLay ln hls chalr l look aL Shug and l feel my hearL begln Lo cramp lL
hurL me so l cover lL wlLh my hand l Lhlnk l mlghL as well be under Lhe Lable for all Lhey care l haLe Lhe
way l look l haLe Lhe way lm dress noLhlng buL churchgolng cloLhes ln my chlfferobe And Mr???
looklng aL Shugs brlghL black skln ln her LlghL red dress her feeL ln llLLle sassy red shoes Per halr shlnlng
ln waves
8efore l know lL Lears meeL under my chln
And lm confuse
Pe love looklng aL Shug l love looklng aL Shug
8uL Shug donL love looklng aL buL one of us Plm
8uL LhaL Lhe way lL spose Lo be l know LhaL 8uL lf LhaL so why my hearL hurL me so?
My head droop so lL near bouL ln my glass
1hen l hear my name
Shug saylng Celle Mlss Celle And l look up where she aL
She say my name agaln She say Lhls song lm bouL Lo slng ls call Mlss Celles song Cause she
scraLched lL ouL of my head when l was slck
llrsL she hum lL a llLLle llke she do aL home 1hen she slng Lhe words
lL all abouL some no counL man dolng her wrong agaln 8uL l donL llsLen Lo LhaL parL l look aL
her and l hum along a llLLle wlLh Lhe Lune
llrsL Llme somebody made someLhlng and name lL afLer me
reLLy soon lL be Llme for Shug Lo go She slng every weekend now aL Parpos Pe make rlghL
smarL money off of her and she make some Loo lus she glLLlng sLrong agaln and sLouL llrsL nlghL or
Lwo her songs come ouL good buL a llLLle weak now she belL Lhem ouL lolks ouL ln Lhe yard hear her
wlLh no Lrouble She and Swaln sound real good LogeLher She slng he plck hls box lL nlce aL Parpos
LlLLle Lables all round Lhe room wlLh candles on Lhem LhaL l made loL of llLLle Lables ouLslde Loo by Lhe
creek
SomeLlme l look down Lhe paLh from our house and lL look llke a swarm of llghLenlng bugs all ln
and Lhrough Sofla house ln Lhe evenlng Shug canL walL Lo go down Lhere
Cne day she say Lo me Well Mlss CeLle l belleve lL Llme for me Lo go
When? l asL
Larly nexL monLh she say !une !une a good Llme Lo go off lnLo Lhe world
l donL say noLhlng leel llke l felL when neLLle lefL
She come over and puL her hand on my shoulder
Pe beaL me when you noL here l say 78 Who do she say AlberL?
Mr??? l say
l canL belleve lL she say She slL down on Lhe bench nexL Lo me real hard llke she drop
WhaL he beaL you for? she asL
lor belng me and noL you
Ch Mlss Celle she say and puL her arms around me
us slL llke LhaL for maybe half a hour 1hen she klss me on Lhe fleshy parL of my shoulder and
sLand up
l wonL leave she say unLll l know AlberL wonL even Lhlnk abouL beaLlng you
now we all know she golng someLlme soon Lhey sleep LogeLher aL nlghL noL every nlghL buL
almosL every nlghL from lrlday Lo Monday
Pe go down Lo Parpos Lo waLch her slng And [usL Lo look aL her 1hen way laLe Lhey come
home 1hey glggle and Lhey Lalk and Lhey rassle unLll mornlng 1hen Lhey go Lo bed unLll lL Llme for her
Lo geL ready Lo go back Lo work
llrsL Llme lL happen lL was a accldenL leellng [usL carrled Lhem away 1haL whaL Shug say Pe
donL say noLhlng
She asL me 1ell me Lhe LruLh she say do you mlnd lf AlberL sleep wlLh me?
l Lhlnk l donL care who AlberL sleep wlLh 8uL l donL say LhaL
l say ?ou mlghL glL blg agaln
She say naw noL wlLh my sponge and all
?ou sLlll love hlm l asL
She say l goL whaL you call a passlon for hlm lf l was ever golng Lo have a husband hed a been
lL 8uL he weak she say CanL make up hls mlnd whaL he wanL
And from whaL you Lell me he a bully Some Lhlngs l love abouL hlm Lhough she say Pe smell
rlghL Lo me Pe so llLLle Pe make me laugh
?ou llke Lo sleep wlLh hlm? l asL
?eah Celle she say l have Lo confess l [usL lovelL uonL you?
naw l say Mr??? can Lellyou l donL llke lL aL all WhaL ls lL llke? Pe glL up on you helsL your
nlghLgown round your walsL plunge ln MosL Llmes l preLend l alnL Lhere Pe never know Lhe dlfference
never asL me how l feel noLhlng !usL do hls buslness geL off go Lo sleep
She sLarL Lo laugh uo hls buslness she say uo hls buslness Why Mlss Celle ?ou make lL sound
llke he golng Lo Lhe LolleL on you
1haL whaL lL feel llke l say
She sLop laughlng
?ou never en[oy lL aL all? she asL puzzle noL even wlLh your chlldren daddy?
never l say
Why Mlss Celle she say you sLlll a vlrgln
WhaL? l asL
LlsLen she say rlghL down Lhere ln your pussy ls a llLLle buLLon LhaL glLs real hoL when you do
you know whaL wlLh somebody
lL glL boner and hoLLer and Lhen lL melL 1haL Lhe good parL 8uL oLher parLs good Loo she say
LoL of sucklng go on here and Lhere she say LoL of flnger and Longue work
8uLLon? llnger and Longue? My face hoL enough Lo melL lLself
She say Pere Lake Lhls mlrror and go look aL yourself down Lhere l beL you never seen lL have
you?
naw
And l beL you never seen AlberL down Lhere elLher 81 l felL hlm l say
l sLand Lhere wlLh Lhe mlrror
She say WhaL Loo shame even Lo go off and look aL yourself? And you look so cuLe Loo she say
laughlng All dressed up for Parpos smelllng good and everyLhlng buL scared Lo look aL your own pussy
?ou come wlLh me whlle l look l say
And us run off Lo my room llke Lwo llLLle pranklsh glrls
?ou guard Lhe door l say
She glggle Ckay she say nobody comlng CoasL clear
l lle back on Lhe bed and haul up my dress ?ank down my bloomers SLlck Lhe looklng glass
Lween my legs ugh All LhaL halr 1hen my pussy llps be black 1hen lnslde look llke a weL rose
lL a loL preLLler Lhan you LhoughL alnL lL? she say from Lhe door
lL mlne l say Where Lhe buLLon?
8lghL up near Lhe Lop she say 1he parL LhaL sLlck ouL a llLLle
l look aL her and Louch lL wlLh my flnger A llLLle shlver go Lhrough me noLhlng much 8uL [usL
enough Lo Lell me Lhls Lhe rlghL buLLon Lo mash Maybe
She say Whlle you looklng look aL your LlLLles Loo l haul up my dress and look aL my LlLLles
1hlnk bouL my bables sucklng Lhem
8emember Lhe llLLle shlver l felL Lhen Loo SomeLlmes a blg shlver 8esL parL abouL havlng Lhe
bables was feedlng em
AlberL and Parpo comlng she say And l yank up my drawers and yank down my dress l feel llke
us been dolng someLhlng wrong
l donL care lf you sleep wlLh hlm l say
And she Lake me aL my word
l Lake me aL my word Loo
8uL when l hear Lhem LogeLher all l can do ls pull Lhe qullL over my head and flnger my llLLle
buLLon and LlLLles and cry
Cne nlghL whlle Shug slnglng a hoL one who should come pranclng Lhrough Lhe door of Parpos
buL Sofla
She wlLh a blg Lall hefLy man look llke a prlze flghLer
She her usual sLouL and bouncy self
Ch Mlss Celle she cry lL so good Lo see you agaln lL even good Lo see Mr??? she say She
Lake one of hls hands Lven lf hls handshake ls a llLLle weak she say
Pe acL real glad Lo see her
Pere pull up a chalr he say Pave a cold drlnk
Clmme a shoL of whlLe llghLenlng she say
rlzeflghLer pull up a chalr sLraddle lL backwards hug on Sofla llke Lhey aL home
l see Parpo cross Lhe room wlLh hls llLLle yellowskln glrlfrlend Pe look aL Sofla llke she a hanL
1hls Penry 8roadnax Sofla say Lverybody call hlm 8usLer Cood frlend of Lhe famlly
Pow you all? he say Pe smlle pleasanL and us keep llsLenlng Lo Lhe muslc Shug wearlng a gold
dress LhaL show her LlLLles near bouL Lo Lhe nlpple Lverybody sorLa hoplng someLhlng break 8uL LhaL
dress sLrong
Man oh man say 8usLer llre deparLmenL wonL do Somebody call Lhe Law
Mr??? whlsper Lo Sofla Where your chlldren aL?
She whlsper back My chlldren aL home whereyours?
Pe donL say noLhlng
8oLh Lhe glrls blgged and gone 8ub hl and ouL of [all lf hls grandaddy wasnL Lhe colored uncle
of Lhe sherlff who look [usL llke 8ub 8ub be lynch by now
l canL glL over how good Sofla look
MosL women wlLh flve chlldren look a llLLle peaked l say Lo her cross Lhe Lable when Shug flnlsh
her song ?ou look llke you ready for flve more
Ch she say l goL slx chlldren now Mlss Celle
Slx lam shock
She Loss her head look over aL Parpo Llfe donL sLop [usL cause you leave home Mlss Celle ?ou
know LhaL
My llfe sLop when l lefL home l Lhlnk 8uL Lhen l Lhlnk agaln lL sLop wlLh Mr??? maybe buL sLarL
up agaln wlLh Shug
Shug come over and she and Sofla hug
Shug say Clrl you look llke a good Llme you do
1haL when l noLlce how Shug Lalk and acL someLlmes nlce a man Men say sLuff llke LhaL Lo
women Clrl you look llke a good Llme
Women always Lalk bouL halr and healLh Pow many bables llvlng or dead or goL Leef noL bouL
how some woman Lhey hugglng on look llke a good Llme
All Lhe men goL Lhey eyes glued Lo Shugs bosom l goL my eyes glued Lhere Loo l feel my nlpples
harden under my dress My llLLle buLLon sorL of perk up Loo Shug l say Lo her hl my mlnd Clrl you looks
llke a real good Llme Lhe Cood Lord knows you do
WhaL you dolng here? asL Parpo
Sofla say Come Lo hear Mlss Shug ?ou goL a nlce place here Parpo She look around 1hls and
LhaL her eyes admlre
Parpo say lL [usL a scandless a woman wlLh flve chlldren hanglng ouL ln a [uke[olnL aL nlghL
Sofla eye go cool She look hlm up and down
Slnce he qulL sLufflng hlmself he galned a bunch of welghL face head and all mosLly from
drlnklng home brew and eaLlng lefLover barbecue 8y now he [usL abouL her slze
A woman need a llLLle fun once ln a whlle she say
A woman need Lo be aL home he say
She say 1hls ls my home 1hough l do Lhlnk lL go beLLer as a [uke[olnL
Parpo look aL Lhe prlze flghLer rlzeflghLer push back hls chalr a llLLle plck up hls drlnk
l donL flghL Sofla baLLle he say My [ob Lo love her and Lake her where she wanL Lo go
Parpo breaLhe some rellef
LeLs dance he say
Sofla laugh glL up uL boLh arms round hls neck 1hey slow drag ouL cross Lhe floor
Parpo llLLle yellowlsh glrlfrlend sulk hanglng over Lhe bar She a nlce glrl frlendly and
everyLhlng buL she llke me She do anyLhlng Parpo say
Pe glve her a llLLle nlckname Loo call her Squeak
reLLy soon Squeak glL up her nerve Lo Lry Lo cuL ln
Parpo Lry Lo Lurn Sofla so she canL see 8uL Squeak keep on Lapplng and Lapplng on hls
shoulder
llnally he and Sofla sLop danclng 1hey bouL Lwo feeL from our Lable
Shug say uhoh and polnL wlLh her chln someLhlngbouL Lo blow rlghL Lhere
Who dls woman say Squeak ln Lhls llLLle Leenouncy volce
?ou know who she ls say Parpo
Squeak Lurn Lo Sofla Say ?ou beLLer leave hlm alone
Sofla say llne wlLh me She Lurn round Lo leave
Parpo grab her by Lhe arm Say ?ou donL have Lo go no where Pell Lhls your house
Squeak say WhaL you mean uls her house? She walk ouL on you Walk away from Lhe house lL
over now she say Lo Sofla
Sofla say llne wlLh me 1ry Lo pull away from Parpo grlp Pe hold her LlghL
LlsLen Squeak say Parpo CanL a man dance wlLh hls own wlfe?
Squeak say noL lf he my man he canL ?ou hear LhaL blLch she say Lo Sofla
Sofla g[LLlng a llLLle Llred of Squeak l can Lell by her ears 1hey sorL of push back 8uL she say
agaln sorLa end of argumenL llke Pey flne wlLh me
Squeak slap her up cross Lhe head
WhaL she do LhaL for Sofla donL even deal ln llLLle ladylsh Lhlngs such as slaps She ball up her
flsL draw back and knock Lwo of Squeaks slde Leef ouL Squeak hlL Lhe floor Cne Loof hanglng on her
llp Lhe oLher one upslde my cold drlnk glass
1hen Squeak sLarL banglng on Parpo leg wlLh her shoe
?ou glL LhaL blLch ouL a here she cry blood and slobber runnlng down her chln
Parpo and Sofla sLand slde by slde looklng down aL Squeak buL l donL Lhlnk Lhey hear her
Parpo sLlll holdlng Sofla arm Maybe half a mlnuLe go by llnally he Lurn loose her arm reach down and
cradle poor llLLle Squeak ln hls arms Pe coo and coo aL her llke she a baby
Sofla come over and glL Lhe prlzeflghLer 1hey go ouL Lhe door and donL look back 1hen us hear
a car moLor sLarL
Parpo mope Wlpe Lhe counLer llghL a clgareLLe look ouLdoors walk up and down LlLLle Squeak
run long all up under hlm Lrylng Lo glL hls Lenslon 8aby Lhls she say 8aby LhaL Parpo look Lhrough her
head blow smoke
Squeak come over Lo Lhe corner where me and Mr??? aL She goL Lwo brlghL gold Leef ln Lhe
slde of her mouLh generally grln all Lhe Llme now she cry Mlss Celle she say WhaL Lhe maLLer wlLh
Parpo?
Sofla ln [all l say
ln [all? She look llke l say Sofla on Lhe moon
WhaL she ln [all for? she asL
Sasslng Lhe mayors wlfe l say
Squeak pull up a chalr Look down my LhroaL
WhaL your real name? l asL her She say Mary Agnes
Make Parpo call you by your real name l say 1hen maybe he see you even when he Lrouble
She look aL me puzzle l leL lL go l Lell her whaL one of Sofla slsLer Lell me and Mr???
Sofla and Lhe prlzeflghLer and all Lhe chlldren goL ln Lhe prlzeflghLer car and wenL Lo Lown Clam
ouL on Lhe sLreeL looklng llke somebody !usL Lhen Lhe mayor and hls wlfe come by
All Lhese chlldren say Lhe mayors wlfe dlgglng ln her pockeLbook CuLe as llLLle buLLons Lhough
she say She sLop puL her hand on one of Lhe chlldren head Say and such sLrong whlLe Leef
Sofla and Lhe prlzeflghLer donL say noLhlng WalL for her Lo pass Mayor walL Loo sLand back
and Lap hls fooL waLch her wlLh a llLLle smlle now Mlllle he say Always golng on over colored Mlss
Mlllle flnger Lhe chlldren some more flnally look aL Sofla and Lhe prlzeflghLer She look aL Lhe
prlzeflghLer car She eye Sofla wrlsLwaLch She say Lo Sofla All your chlldren so clean she say would you
llke Lo work for me be my mald?
Sofla say Pell no
She say WhaL you say?
Sofla say Pell no
Mayor look aL Sofla push hls wlfe ouL Lhe way SLlck ouL hls chesL Clrl whaL you say Lo Mlss
Mlllle?
Sofla say l say Pell no
Pe slap her
l sLop Lelllng lL rlghL Lhere
Squeak on Lhe edge of her seaL She walL Look down my LhroaL some more
no need Lo say no more Mr??? say ?ou know whaL happen lf somebody slap Sofla
Squeak go whlLe as a sheeL now she say
naw noLhlng l say Sofla knock Lhe man down
1he pollces come sLarL sllnglng Lhe chlldren off Lhe mayor bang Lhey heads LogeLher Sofla
really sLarL Lo flghL 1hey drag her Lo Lhe ground
1hls far as l can go wlLh lL look llke My eyes glL full of waLer and my LhroaL close
oor Squeak all scrunch down ln her chalr Lrembllng
1hey beaL Sofla Mr??? say
Squeak fly up llke she sprung run over hlnd Lhe counLer Lo Parpo puL her arms round hlm 1hey
hang LogeLher a long Llme cry
WhaL Lhe prlzeflghLer do ln all Lhls? l asL Sofla slsLer Cdessa
Pe wanL Lo [ump ln she say Sofla say no Lake Lhe chlldren home
ollces have Lhey guns on hlm anyway Cne move he dead Slx of Lhem you know
Mr??? go plead wlLh Lhe sherlff Lo leL us see Sofla 8ub be ln so much Lrouble look so much llke
Lhe sherlff he and Mr??? almosL on famlly Lerms !usL long as Mr??? know he colored
Sherlff say She a crazy woman your boys wlfe ?ou know LhaL?
Mr??? say ?assur us do know lL 8een Lrylng Lo Lell Parpo she crazy for Lwelve years Slnce way
before Lhey marry Sofla come from crazy peoples Mr??? say lL noL all her faulL And Lhen agaln Lhe
sherlff know how womens ls anyhow
Sherlff Lhlnk bouL Lhe women he know say ?ep you rlghL Lhere
Mr??? say We gon Lell her she crazy Loo lf us ever do glL ln Lo see her
Sherlff say Well make sure you do And Lell her she lucky she allve
When l see Sofla l donL know why she sLlll allve 1hey crack her skull Lhey crack her rlbs 1hey
Lear her nose loose on one slde
1hey bllnd her ln one eye She swole from head Lo fooL Per Longue Lhe slze of my arm lL sLlck
ouL Lween her Leef llke a plece of rubber She canL Lalk
And she [usL abouL Lhe color of a eggplanL
Scare me so bad l near bouL drop my grlp 8uL l donL l puL lL on Lhe floor of Lhe cell Lake ouL
comb and brush nlghLgown wlLch hazel and alcohol and l sLarL Lo work on her 1he colored LendanL
brlng me waLer Lo wash her wlLh and l sLarL aL her Lwo llLLle sllLs for eyes
1hey puL Sofla Lo work ln Lhe prlson laundry All day long from flve Lo elghL she washlng cloLhes
ulrLy convlcL unlforms nasLy sheeLs and blankeLs plled way over her head us see her Lwlce a monLh for
hah7 a hour Per face yellow and slckly her flngers look llke faLLy sausage
LveryLhlng nasLy here she say even Lhe alr lood bad enough Lo klll you wlLh lL 8oaches here
mlce flles llce and even a snake or Lwo lf you say anyLhlng Lhey sLrlp you make you sleep on a cemenL
floor wlLhouL a llghL
Pow you manage? us asL
Lvery Llme Lhey asL me Lo do someLhlng Mlss Celle l acL llke lm you l [ump rlghL up and do [usL
whaL Lhey say
She look wlld when she say LhaL and her bad eye wander round Lhe room
Mr??? suck ln hls breaLh Parpo groan Mlss Shug cuss She come from Memphls speclal Lo see
Sofla
l canL flx my mouLh Lo say how l feel
lm a good prlsoner she say 8esL convlcL Lhey ever see 1hey canL belleve lm Lhe one sass Lhe
mayors wlfe knock Lhe mayor down She laugh lL sound llke someLhlng from a song 1he parL where
everybody done gone home buL you
1welve years a long Llme Lo be good Lhough she say
Maybe you glL ouL on good behavlor say Parpo
Cood behavlor alnL good enough for Lhem say Sofla noLhlng less Lhan slldlng on your belly
wlLh your Longue on Lhey booLs can even glL Lhey aLLenLlon l dream of murder she say l dream of
murder sleep or wake
us donL say noLhlng
Pow Lhe chlldren? she asL
1hey all flne say Parpo 1ween Cdessa and Squeak Lhey glL by
Say Lhank you Lo Squeak she say 1ell Cdessa l Lhlnk abouL hen us all slL round Lhe Lable afLer
supper Me Shug Mr??? Squeak Lhe prlzeflghLer Cdessa and Lwo more of Sofla slsLers
Sofla noL gon lasL say Mr ___
?eah say Parpo she look llLLle crazy Lo me
And whaL she had Lo say say Shug My Cod
us goL Lo do someLhlng say Mr??? and be rlghL qulck abouL lL
WhaL can us do? asL Squeak She look a llLLle haggard wlLh all Sofla and Parpo chlldren sprung
on her aL once buL she carry on
Palr a llLLle sLrlngy sllp show buL she carry on
8usL her ouL say Parpo ClL some dynamlLe off Lhe gang LhaLs bulldlng LhaL blg brldge down Lhe
road blow Lhe whole prlson Lo klngdom come
ShuL up Parpo say Mr??? us Lrylng Lo Lhlnk
l goL lL say Lhe prlzeflghLer smuggle ln a gun Well he rub hls chln maybe smuggle ln a flle
naw say Cdessa 1hey [usL come afLer her lf she leave LhaL way
Me and Squeak donL say noLhlng l donL know whaL she Lhlnk buL l Lhlnk bouL angels Cod
comlng down by charloL swlnglng down real low and carrylng ole Sofla home l see em all as clear as
day Angels all ln whlLe whlLe halr and whlLe eyes look llke alblnos Cod all whlLe Loo looklng llke some
sLouL whlLe man work aL Lhe bank Angels sLrlke Lhey cymbals one of Lhem blow hls horn Cod blow ouL
a blg breaLh of flre and suddenly Sofla free
Who Lhe wardens black klnfolks? say Mr???
nobody say noLhlng
llnally Lhe prlzeflghLer speak WhaL hls name? he asL
Podges say Parpo 8ubber Podges
Cld man Penry Podges boy say Mr??? used Lo llve ouL on Lhe old Podges place
CoL a broLher name !lmmy? asL Squeak
?eah say Mr??? 8roLher name !lmmy Marrled Lo LhaL CulLman glrl uaddy own Lhe hardware
?ou know Lhem?
Squeak duck her head Mumble someLhlng
Say whaL? asL Mr???
Squeak cheek Lurn red She mumble agaln
Pe your whaL? Mr??? asL
Cousln she say
Mr??? look aL her
uaddy she say She cuL her eye aL Parpo Look aL Lhe floor
Pe know anyLhlng bouL lL? asL Mr???
?eah she say Pe goL Lhree chlldren by my mama 1wo younger Lhan me
Pls broLher know anyLhlng bouL lL? asL Mr ___
Cne Llme he come by Lhe house wlLh Mr !lmmy he glve us all quarLers say we sure do look llke
Podges
Mr??? rear back ln hls chalr glve Squeak a good look from head Lo fooL Squeak push her greasy
brown halr back from her face
?eah say Mr??? l see Lhe resemblance Pe brlng hls chalr down on Lhe floor
Well look llke you Lhe one Lo go
Co where asL Squeak
Co see Lhe warden Pe your uncle
us dress Squeak llke she a whlLe woman only her cloLhes paLch She goL on a sLarch and lron
dress hlgh heel shoes wlLh scuffs and a old haL somebody glve Shug us glve her a old pockeLbook look
llke a qullL and a llLLle black blble us wash her halr and glL all Lhe grease ouL Lhen l puL lL up ln Lwo
plalLs LhaL cross over her head us baLhe her so clean she smell llke a good dean floor
WhaL lm gon say? she asL
Say you llvlng wlLh Sofla husband and her husband say Sofla noL belng punlsh enough Say she
laugh af Lhe fool she make of Lhe guards Say she glLLlng along [usL flne where she aL Pappy even long
as she donL have Lo be no whlLe woman mald
Craclous Cod say Squeak how lm gonna Lune up my mouLh Lo say all LhaL?
Pe asL you who you ls make hlm remember 1ell hlm how much LhaL quarLer he glve you meanL
Lo you
1haL was flfLeen years ago say Squeak he alnL gonna remember LhaL
Make hlm see Lhe Podges ln you say Cdessa Pell remember
1ell hlm you [usL Lhlnk [usLlce oughL Lo be done yourself 8uL make sure he know you llvlng wlLh
Sofla husband say Shug Make sure you glL ln Lhe parL bouL belng happy where she aL worse Lhlng could
happen Lo her ls Lo be some whlLe lady mald
l donL know say Lhe prlzeflghLer 1hls sound mlghLy much llke some ole uncle 1ommlng Lo me
Shug snorL Well she say uncle 1om wasnL call uncle for noLhlng
oor llLLle Squeak come home wlLh a llmp Per dress rlp Per haL mlsslng and one of Lhe heels
come off her shoe
WhaL happen? us asL
Pe saw Lhe Podges ln me she say And he dldnL llke lL one blL
Parpo come up Lhe sLeps from Lhe car My wlfe beaL up my woman rape he say l oughL Lo go
back ouL Lhere wlLh guns maybe seL flre Lo Lhe place burn Lhe crackers up
ShuL up Parpo say Squeak lm Lelllng lL
And she do
Say Lhe mlnuLe l walk Lhrough Lhe door he remembered me
WhaL he say? us asL
Say WhaL you wanL? l say l come ouL of Lhe lnLeresL l haves ln seelng [usLlce ls done WhaL you
say you wanL? he asL agaln
l say whaL yall Lold me Lo say 8ouL Sofla noL belng punlsh enough Say she happy ln prlson
sLrong glrl llke her Per maln worry ls [usL Lhe LhoughL of ever belng some whlLe woman mald 1haL whaL
sLarL Lhe flghL you know l say Mayors wlfe ask Sofla Lo be her mald Sofla say she never golng Lo be no
whlLe womans noLhlng leL alone mald
1haL so? he asL all Lhe Llme looklng me over real good
?esslr l say Say prlson sulL her [usL flne ShooL washlng and lronlng all day ls all she do aL
home She goL slx chlldren you know
1haL a facL? he say
Pe come from behlnd hls desk lean over my chalr
Who your folks? he asL
l Lell hlm my mamas name grandmamas name Crandpas name
Who your daddy? he asL Where you glL Lhem eyes?
AlnL goL no daddy ! say
Come on now he say AlnL l seen you before?
l say ?esslr And one Llme bouL Len years ago when l was a llLLle glrl you glve me a quarLer l
sure dld preshaLe lL l say
l donL remember LhaL he say
?ou come by Lhe house wlLh my mama frlend Mr !lmmy l say
Squeak look round aL all of us 1hen Lake a deep breaLh Mumble
Say whaL? asL Cdessa
?eah say Shug lf you canL Lell us who you gon Lell Cod?
Pe Look my haL off say Squeak 1old me Lo undo my dress She drop her head puL her face hl
her hands
My Cod say Cdessa and he your uncle
Pe say lf he was my uncle he wouldnL do lL Lo me 1haL be a sln 8uL Lhls [usL llLLle fornlcaLlon
Lverybody gullLy of LhaL
She Lurn her face up Lo Parpo Parpo she say do you really love me or [usL my color?
Parpo say l love you Squeak Pe kneel down and Lry Lo puL hls arms round her walsL
She sLand up My name Mary Agnes she say
6 monLhs afLer Mary Agnes wenL Lo glL Sofla ouL of prlson she begln Lo slng llrsL she slng Shugs
songs Lhen she begln Lo make up songs her own self
She goL Lhe klnd of volce you never Lhlnk of Lrylng Lo slng a song lL LlLLle lL hlgh lL sorL of
meowlng 8uL Mary Agnes donL care
reLLy soon us glL used Lo lL 1hen us llke lL a whole loL
Parpo donL know whaL Lo make of lL
lL seem funny Lo me he say Lo me and Mr??? So sudden lL puL me ln Lhe mlnd of a
gramaphone SlL ln Lhe corner a year sllenL as Lhe grave 1hen you puL a record on lL come Lo llfe
Wonder lf she sLlll mad Sofla knock her Leef ouL? l asL
?eah she mad 8uL whaL good belng mad gon do? She noL evll she know Sofla llfe hard Lo bear
rlghL now
Pow sheglL long wlLh Lhe chlldren? asL Mr _____
1hey love her say Parpo She leL em do anyLhlng Lhey wanL
Choh l say
8esldes he say Cdessa and Sofla oLher slsLers always on hand Lo Lake up Lhe slack 1hey brlng
up chlldren llke mlllLary
Squeak slng

1hey calls me yellow llke yellow be my name
1hey calls me yellow llke yellow be my name
8uL lf yellow ls a name
Why alnL black Lhe same

Well lf l say Pey black glrl Lord she Lry Lo ruln my game Sofla say Lo me Loday l [usL canL
undersLand lL
WhaL LhaL? l asL
Why we alnL already klll Lhem off
1hree years afLer she beaL she ouL of Lhe wash house goL her color and her welghL back look
llke her old self [usL all Llme Lhlnk bouL kllllng somebody
1oo many Lo klll off l say us ouLnumbered from Lhe sLarL l speck we knock over one or Lwo
Lhough here and Lhere Lhrough Lhe years l say
We slL on a plece of old craLe ouL near Lhe edge of Mlss Mlllles yard 8usLy nalls sLlck ouL long
Lhe boLLom and when us move Lhey creak galnsL Lhe wood
Sofla [ob Lo waLch Lhe chlldren play ball 1he llLLle boy Lhrow Lhe ball Lo Lhe llLLle glrl she Lry Lo
caLch lL wlLh her eyes shuL lL roll up under Sofla fooL
1hrow me Lhe ball say Lhe llLLle boy wlLh hls hands on hls hlp 1hrow me Lhe ball
Sofla muLLer Lo herself half Lo me lm here Lo waLch noL Lo Lhrow she say She donL make a
move Loward Lhe ball
uonL you hear me Lalklng Lo you he shouL Pe maybe slx years old brown halr lce blue eyes
Pe come sLeamlng up Lo where us slL haul off and klck Sofla leg She swlng her fooL Lo one slde and he
scream
WhaL Lhe Lrouble? l asL
uone sLab hls fooL wlLh a rusLy nall Sofla say
Sure enough blood come leaklng Lhrough hls shoe
Pls llLLle slsLer come waLch hlm cry Pe Lurn redder and redder Call hls mama
Mlss Mlllle come runnlng She scared of Sofla LveryLlme she Lalk Lo her lL llke she expecL Lhe
worsL She donL sLand close Lo her elLher When she glL a few yards from where us slL she moLlon for
8llly Lo come Lhere
My fooL he say Lo her
Sofla do lL? she asL
LlLLle glrl plpe up 8llly do lL hls own self she say 1rylng Lo klck Sofla leg 1he llLLle glrl doLe on
Sofla always sLlck up for her Sofla never noLlce she as deef Lo Lhe llLLle glrl as she ls Lo her broLher
Mlss Mlllle cuL her eyes aL her puL one arm round 8llly shoulder and Lhey llmp lnLo Lhe back of
Lhe house LlLLle glrl follow wave byebye Lo us
She seem llke a rlghL sweeL llLLle Lhlng l say Lo Sofla
Who ls? She frown
1he llLLle glrl l say WhaL Lhey call her Lleanor !ane?
?eah say Sofla wlLh a real puzzle look on her face l wonder why she was ever born
Well l say us donL have Lo wonder LhaL bouL darkles
She glggle Mlss Celle she say you [usL as crazy as you can be
1hls Lhe flrsL glggle l heard ln Lhree years
Sofla would make a dog laugh Lalklng abouL Lhose people she work for 1hey have Lhe nerve Lo
Lry Lo make us Lhlnk slavery fell Lhrough because of us say Sofla Llke us dldnL have sense enough Lo
handle lL All Lhe Llme breaklng hoe handles and leLLlng Lhe mules loose ln Lhe wheaL 8uL how anyLhlng
Lhey bulld can lasL a day ls a wonder Lo me 1hey backward she say Clumsy and unlucky
Mayor??? boughL Mlz Mlllle a new car cause she sald lf colored could have cars Lhen one for
her was pasL due So he boughL her a car only he refuse Lo show her how Lo drlve lL Lvery day he come
home from Lown he look aL her look ouL Lhe wlndow aL her car say Pow you en[oylng er Mlz Mlllle
She fly off Lhe sofa ln a huff slam Lhe door golng ln Lhe baLhroom
She alnL goL no frlends
So one day she say Lo me car been slLLlng ouL ln Lhe yard Lwo monLhs Sofla do you know how
Lo drlve? l guess she remembered flrsL seelng me up galnsL 8usLer 8roadnax car
?es maam l say lm slavlng away cleanlng LhaL blg posL Lhey goL down aL Lhe boLLom of Lhe
sLalr 1hey acL real funny bouL LhaL posL no flnger prlnLs ls sposed Lo be on lL ever
uo you Lhlnk you could Leach me? she says
Cne of Sofla chlldren break ln Lhe oldesL boy Pe Lall and handsome all Lhe Llme serlous And
mad a loL
Pe say uonL say slavlng Mama
Sofla say Why noL? 1hey goL me ln a llLLle sLoreroom up under Lhe house hardly blgger Lhan
Cdessas porch and [usL abouL as warm ln Lhe wlnLer Llme lm aL Lhey beck and call all nlghL and all day
1hey wonL leL me see my chlldren 1hey wonL leL me see no mens Well afLer flve years Lhey leL me see
you once a year lm a slave she say WhaL would you call lL?
A capLlve he say
Sofla go on wlLh her sLory only look aL hlm llke she glad he hers
So l say ?es maam l can Leach you lf lL Lhe same klnd of car l learned on
nexL Lhlng you know Lhere go me and Mlz Mlllle all up and down Lhe road llrsL l drlve and she
waLch Lhen she sLarL Lo Lry Lo drlve and l waLch her up and down Lhe road Soon as l flnlsh cooklng
breakfasL puLLlng lL on Lhe Lable washlng dlshes and sweeplng dle floor? and [usL before l go glL Lhe
mall ouL of Lhe box down by Lhe road? we go glve Mlz Mlllle her drlvlng lesson
Well afLer whlle she goL dle hang of lL more or less 1hen she really glL lL 1hen one day when
we come home from rldlng she say Lo me lm gonna drlve you home !usL llke LhaL
Pome? l asL
?es she say Pome ?ou alnL been home or seen your chlldren ln a whlle she say AlnL LhaL
rlghL?
l say ?es maam lL been flve years
She say 1haLs a shame ?ou [usL go glL your Lhlngs rlghL now Pere lL ls ChrlsLmas Co geL your
Lhlngs ?ou can sLay all day
lor all day l donL need noLhlng buL whaL l goL on l say
llne she say llne Well glL ln
Well say Sofla l was so use Lo slLLlng up Lhere nexL Lo her Leachlng her how Lo drlve LhaL l [usL
naLurally clammed lnLo Lhe fronL seaL
She sLood ouLslde on her slde Lhe car clearlng her LhroaL
llnally she say Sofla wlLh a llLLle laugh 1hls lsLhe SouLh
?es maam l sayShe clear her LhroaL laugh some more Look where you slLLlng she say
lm slLLlng where l always slL l say
1haLs Lhe problem she say Pave you ever seen a whlLe person and a colored slLLlng slde by
slde ln a car when one of em wasnL showlng Lhe oLher one how Lo drlve lL or clean lL?
l goL ouL Lhe car opened Lhe back door and clammed ln She saL down up fronL Cff us Lraveled
down Lhe road Mlz Mlllle halr blowlng all ouL Lhe wlndow
lLs real preLLy counLry ouL Lhls way she say when we hlL Lhe Marshall counLy road comlng
Loward Cdessas house
?es maam l say
1hen us pull lnLo Lhe yard and all Lhe chlldren come crowdlng round Lhe car nobody Lold Lhem l
was comlng so Lhey donL know who l ls LxcepL Lhe oldesL Lwo 1hey fall on me and hug me And Lhen
all Lhe llLLle ones sLarL Lo hug me Loo l donL Lhlnk Lhey even noLlce l was slLLlng ln Lhe back of Lhe car
Cdessa and !ack come ouL afLer l was ouL so Lhey dldnL see lL
us all sLand round klsslng and hugglng each oLher Mlz Mlllle [usL waLchlng llnally she lean ouL
Lhe wlndow and say Sofla you only goL Lhe resL of Lhe day lll be back Lo plck you up aL flve oclock 1he
chlldren was all pulllng me lnLo Lhe house so sorL of over my shoulder l say ?es maam and l LhoughL l
heard her drlve off
8uL flfLeen mlnuLes laLer Marlon says 1haL whlLe lady sLlll ouL Lhere
Maybe she golng Lo walL Lo Lake you back say !ack
Maybe she slck say Cdessa ?ou always say how slckly Lhey ls
l go ouL Lo Lhe car say Sofla and guess whaL Lhe maLLer ls? 1he maLLer ls she donL know how
Lo do noLhlng buL go forward and !ack and Cdessas yard Loo full of Lrees for LhaL
Sofla she say Pow you back Lhls Lhlng up?
l lean over Lhe car wlndow and Lry Lo show her whlch way Lo move Lhe gears 8uL she flusLered
and all Lhe chlldren and Cdessa and !ack all sLandlng round Lhe porch waLchlng her
l go round on Lhe oLher slde 1ry Lo explaln wlLh my head poked Lhrough LhaL wlndow She
sLrlpplng gears aplenLy by now lus her nose red and she look mad and frusLraLe boLh
l clam ln Lhe back seaL lean over Lhe back of Lhe fronL sLeady Lrylng Lo show her how Lo operaLe
Lhe gears noLhlng happen llnally Lhe car sLop maklng any sound Lnglne dead
uonL worry l say Cdessas husband !ack wlll drlve you home 1haLs hls plckup rlghL Lhere
Ch she say l couldnL rlde ln a plckup wlLh a sLrange colored man
lll ask Cdessa Lo squeeze ln Loo l say 1haL would glve me a chance Lo spend a llLLle Llme wlLh
Lhe 111 chlldren l LhoughL 8uL she say no l donL know her nelLher
So lL end up wlLh me and !ack drlvlng her back home ln Lhe plckup Lhen !ack drlvlng me Lo
Lown Lo glL a mechanlc and aL flve oclock l was drlvlng Mlz Mlllles car back Lo her house
l spenL flfLeen mlnuLes wlLh my chlldren
And she been golng on for monLhs bouL how ungraLeful l ls
WhlLe folks ls a mlracle of affllcLlon say Sofla
Shug wrlLe she goL a blg surprlse and she lnLend Lo brlng lL home for ChrlsLmas
WhaL lL ls? us wonder
Mr??? Lhlnk lL a car for hlm Shug maklng blg money now dress ln furs all Lhe Llme Sllk and
saLln Loo and haLs made ouL of gold
ChrlsLmas mornlng us hear Lhls moLor ouLslde Lhe door us look ouL
PoL dlggldy dog say Mr??? Lhrowlng on hls panLs Pe rush Lo Lhe door l sLand ln fronL Lhe glass
Lrylng Lo make someLhlng ouL my halr lL Loo shorL Lo be long Loo long Lo be shorL 1oo nappy Lo be
klnky Loo klnky Lo be nappy no seL color Lo lL elLher
l glve up Lle on a headrag
l hear Shug cry Ch AlberL Pe say Shug 1know Lhey hugglng 1hen l donL hear noLhlng
l run ouL Lhe door Shug l say and puL ouL my arms 8uL before l know anyLhlng a sklnny blg
Loof man wearlng red suspenders ls all up ln my face lore l can wonder whose dog he ls he hugglng
me
Mlss Celle he say Aw Mlss Celle l heard so much abouL you leel llke we old Mends
Shug sLandlng back wlLh a blg grln
1hls Crady she say 1hls my husband
1he mlnuLe she say lL l know l donL llke Crady l donL llke hls shape l donL llke hls Leef l donL
llke hls cloLhes Seem llke Lo me he smell
us been drlvlng all nlghL she say nowhere Lo sLop you know 8uL here us ls She come over Lo
Crady and puL her arms round hlm look up aL hlm llke he cuLe and he lean down and glve her a klss
l glance round aL Mr??? Pe look llke Lhe end of Lhe world l know l donL look no beLLer
And Lhls my weddlng presenL Lo us say Shug 1he car blg and dark blue and say ackard on Lhe
fronL 8rand new she say She look aL Mr??? Lake hls arm glve lL a llLLle squeeze Whlle we here
AlberL she say l wanL you Lo learn how Lo drlve She laugh
Crady drlve llke a fool she say l LhoughL Lhe pollces was gonna caLch us for sure
llnally Shug really seem Lo noLlce me She come over and hug me a long Llme us Lwo marrled
ladles now she say 1wo marrled ladles
And hungry she say WhaL us goL Lo eaL?
Mr??? drlnk all Lhrough ChrlsLmas Plm and Crady Me and Shug cook Lalk clean Lhe house
Lalk flx up Lhe Lree Lalk wake up ln Lhe mornlng Lalk
She slnglng all over Lhe counLry Lhese days Lverybody know her name She know everybody
Loo know Sophle 1ucker know uuke LlllngLon know folks l alnL never heard of And money She make
so much money she donL know whaL Lo do wlLh lL She goL a flne house ln Memphls anoLher car She
goL one hundred preLLy dresses A room full of shoes She buy Crady anyLhlng he Lhlnk he wanL
Where you flnd hlm aL? l asL
up under my car she say 1he one aL home l drove lL afLer Lhe oll gave ouL kllL Lhe englne Pe
Lhe man flxed lL us Look one look aL one noLher LhaL was lL
Mr??? feellngs hurL l say l donL menLlon mlne
Aw she say 1haL old sLuff flnally over wlLh ?ou and AlberL feel [usL llke famlly now Anyhow
once you Lold me he beaL you and wonL work l felL dlfferenL abouL hlm lf you was my wlfe she say ld
cover you up wlLh klsses sLead of llcks and work hard for you Loo
Pe alnL beaL me much slnce you made hlm qulL l say !usL a slap now and Lhen when he alnL
goL noLhlng else Lo do
?all make love any beLLer? she asL
us Lry l say Pe Lry Lo play wlLh Lhe buLLon buL feel llke hls flngers dry us donL glL nowhere
much
?ou sLlll a vlrgln? she asL
l reckon l say
Mr??? and Crady gone off ln Lhe car LogeLher Shug asL me could she sleep wlLh me She cold ln
her and Crady bed all alone us Lalk bouL Lhls and LhaL Soon Lalk abouL maklng love Shug donL acLually
say maklng love She say someLhlng nasLy She say fuck
She asL me Pow was lL wlLh your chlldren daddy?
1he glrls had a llLLle separaLe room l say off Lo lLself connecLed Lo Lhe house by a llLLle plank
walk nobody ever come hl Lhere buL Mama 8uL one Llme when mama noL aL home he come 1old me
he wanL me Lo Lrlm hls halr Pe brlng Lhe sclssors and comb and brush and a sLool Whlle l Lrlm hls halr
he look aL me funny Pe a llLLle nervous Loo buL l donL know why Llll he grab hold of me and cram me
up Lween hls legs
l lay Lhere quleL llsLenlng Lo Shug breaLhe
lL hurL me you know l say l was [usL golng on fourLeen l never even LhoughL bouL men havlng
noLhlng down Lhere so blg lL scare me [usL Lo see lL And Lhe way lL poke lLself and grow
Shug so quleL l Lhlnk she sleep AfLer he Lhrough l say he maLe me flnlsh Lrlmmlng hls halr
l sneak a look aL Shug
Ch Mlss Celle she say And puL her arms round me 1hey black and smooLh and klnd of glowy
from Lhe lampllghL
l sLarL Lo cry Loo l cry and cry and cry Seem llke lL all come back Lo me laylng Lhere ln Shug
arms Pow lL hurL and how much l was surprlse Pow lL sLung whlle l flnlsh Lrlmmlng hls hah Pow Lhe
blood drlp down my leg and mess up my sLocklng Pow he donL never look aL me sLralghL afLer LhaL
And neLLle
uonL cry Celle Shug say uonL cry She sLarL klsslng Lhe waLer as lL come down slde my face
AfLer whlle l say Mama flnally asL how come she flnd hls halr ln Lhe glrls room lf he donL never
go ln Lhere llke he say 1haL when he Lold her l had a boyfrlend Some boy he say he seen sneaklng puL
Lhe back door lL Lhe boys halr he say noL hls ?ou know how she love Lo cuL anybody halr he say
l dld love Lo cuL halr l say Lo Shug slnce l was a llLLle blLLy Lhlng ld run go glL Lhe sclssors lf l saw
bancomlng and ld cuL and cuL long as l could 1haL how come l was Lhe one cuL hls hah 8uL always
before l cuL lL on Lhe fronL porch lL goL Lo Lhe place where everyLlme l saw hlm comlng wlLh Lhe sclssors
and Lhe comb and Lhe sLool l sLarL Lo cry
Shug say Wellsah and l LhoughL lL was only whlLefolks do freaklsh Lhlngs llke LhaL
My mama dle l Lell Shug My slsLer neLLle run away Mr??? come glL me Lo Lake care bls roLLen
chlldren Pe never asL me noLhlng bouL myself Pe clam on Lop of me and fuck and fuck even when my
head bandaged nobody ever love me l say
She say l love you Mlss Celle And Lhen she haul off and klss me on Lhe mouLh
um she say llke she surprlse l klss her back say um Loo us klss and klss Llll us canL hardly klss
no more 1hen us Louch each oLher
l donL know noLhlng bouL lL l say Lo Shug
l donL know much she say
1hen l feels someLhlng real sofL and weL on my breasL feel llke one of my llLLle losL bables
mouLh
Way afLer whlle l acL llke a llLLle losL baby Loo
Crady and Mr??? come sLaggerlng ln round daybreak Me and Snug sound asleep Per back Lo
me my arms round her walsL WhaL lL llke? LlLLle llke sleeplng wlLh mama only l canL hardly remember
ever sleeplng wlLh her LlLLle llke sleeplng wlLh neLLle only sleeplng wlLh neLLle never feel Lhls good lL
warm and cushlony and l feel Shugs blg LlLs sorLa flop over my arms llke suds
lL feel llke heaven [s whaL lL feel llke noL llke sleeplng wlLh Mr??? aL all
Wake up Sugar l say 1hey back And Shug roll over hug me and glL ouL of Lhe bed She sLagger
lnLo Lhe oLher room and fall on Lhe bed wlLh Crady Mr??? fall lnLo bed nexL Lo me drunk and snorlng
before he hlL Lhe qullLs
l Lry my besL Lo llke Crady even lf he do wear red suspenders and bow Lles Lven lf he do spend
Shugs money llke he made lL hlmself
Lven lf he do Lry Lo Lalk llke somebody from Lhe norLh Memphls 1ennessee alnL norLh even l
know LhaL 8uL one Lhlng l sure mlff canL sLand Lhe way he call Shug Mama
l alnL your fucklng mama Shug say 8uL he donL pay her no mlnd
Llke when he be maklng googoo eyes aL Squeak and Shug sorLa Lease hlm abouL lL he say Aw
Mama you know l donL mean no harm
Shug llke Squeak Loo Lry Lo help her slng 1hey slL ln Cdessas fronL room wlLh all Lhe chlldren
crowded round Lhem slnglng and slnglng SomeLlme Swaln come wlLh hls box Parpo cook dlnner and
me and Mr??? and Lhe prlzeflghLer brlng our preshaLlon
lL nlce
Shug say Lo Squeak l mean Mary Agnes ?ou oughL Lo slng ln publlc
Mary Agnes say now She Lhlnk cause she donL slng blg and broad llke Shug nobody wanL Lo
hear her 8uL Shug say she wrong
WhaL abouL all Lhem funny volces you hear slnglng ln church? Shug say WhaL abouL all Lhem
sounds LhaL sound good buL Lhey noL Lhe sounds you LhoughL folks could make? WhaL bouL LhaL? 1hen
she sLarL moanlng Sound llke deaLh approachlng angels canL prevenL lL lL ralse Lhe halr on Lhe back of
your neck 8uL lL really sound sorL of llke panLhers would sound lf Lhey could slng
l Lell you someLhlng else Shug say Lo Mary Agnes llsLenlng Lo you slng folks glL Lo Lhlnklng bouL
a good screw
Aw Mlss Shug say Mary Agnes changlng color
Shug say WhaL Loo shamefaced Lo puL slnglng and danclng and fucklng LogeLher? She laugh
1haLs Lhe reason Lhey call whaL us slng Lhe devlls muslc uevlls love Lo fuck LlsLen she say LeLs go slng
one nlghL aL Parpo place 8e llke old Llmes for me

And lf l brlng you before Lhe crowd Lhey beLLer llsLen wlLh respecL
nlggers donL know how Lo acL buL lf you glL Lhrough Lhe flrsL half of one song you goL em
?ou reckon LhaLs Lhe LruLh? say Mary Agnes She all blg eyed and dellghL
l donL know lf l wanL her Lo slng say Parpo
Pow come? asL Shug 1haL woman you goL slnglng now canL glL her ass ouLLhe church lolks
donL know wheLher Lo dance or creep Lo Lhe mourners bench lus you dress Mary Agnes up Lhe rlghL
way and youll make plss poLs of money ?ellow llke she ls sLrlngy halr and cloudy eyes Lhe menll be
crazy bouL her AlnL LhaL rlghL Crady she say
Crady look llLLle sheeplsh Crln Mama you donL mlss a Lhlng he say
And donL you forglL lL say Shug
uear Cod 1hls Lhe leLLer l been holdlng ln my hand

uear CeLle

l know you Lhlnk l am dead 8uL l am noL l been wrlLlng Lo you Loo over Lhe years buL AlberL
sald youd never hear from me agaln and slnce l never heard from you all Lhls Llme l guess he was rlghL
now l only wrlLe aL ChrlsLmas and LasLer hoplng my leLLer geL losL among Lhe ChrlsLmas and LasLer
greeLlngs or LhaL AlberL geL Lhe hollday splrlL and have plLy on us
1here ls so much Lo Lell you LhaL l donL know hardly where Lo begln? and anyway you
probably wonL geL Lhls leLLer elLher
lm sure AlberL ls sLlll Lhe only one Lo Lake mall ouL of Lhe box
8uL lf Lhls do geL Lhrough one Lhlng l wanL you Lo know l love you and l am noL dead And
Cllvla ls flne and so ls your son
We are all comlng home before Lhe end of anoLher year

?our lovlng slsLer

neLLle


Cne nlghL ln bed Shug asL me Lo Lell her bouL neLLle WhaL she llke? Where she aL?
l Lell her how Mr??? Lry Lo Lurn her head Pow neLLle refuse hlm and how he say neLLle have Lo
go
Where she go? she asL
l donL know l say She leave here
And no word from her yeL? she asL
naw l say Lvery day when Mr??? come from Lhe mallbox l hope for news 8uL noLhlng come
She dead l say
Shug say She wouldnL be someplace wlLh funny sLamps you donL reckon? She look llke she
sLudylng Say SomeLlmes when AlberL and me walk up Lo Lhe mallbox Lhere be a leLLer wlLh a loL of
funny looklng sLamps Pe never say noLhlng bouL lL [usL puL lL ln hls lnslde pockeL Cne Llme l asL hlm
could l look aL Lhe sLamps buL he sald hed Lake lL ouL laLer 8uL he never dld
She was [usL on her way Lo Lown l say SLamps look llke sLamps round here WhlLe men wlLh
long hah*
Pm she say look llke a llLLle faL whlLe woman was on one WhaL your slsLer neLLle llke? she asL
SmarL?
?es Lord l say SmarL as anyLhlng 8ead Lhe newspapers when she was llLLle more Lhan Lalklng
uld flgures llke Lhey was noLhlng
1alked real well Loo And sweeL 1here never was a sweeLer glrl l say Lyes [usL brlmmlng over
wlLh lL She love me Loo l say Lo Shug
She Lall or shorL? Shug asL WhaL klnd of dress she llke Lo wear? WhaL her blrLhday? WhaL her
favorlLe color? Can she cook? Sew?
WhaL abouL hah?
LveryLhlng bouL neLLle she wanL Lo know
l Lalk so much my volce sLarL Lo go Why you wanL Lo know so much bouL neLLle? l asL
Cause she Lhe only one you ever love she say sldes me
All of a sudden Shug buddybuddy agaln wlLh Mr??? 1hey slL on Lhe sLeps go down Parpos
Walk Lo Lhe mallbox
Shug laugh and laugh when he goL anyLhlng Lo say Show Leef and LlLs aplenLy
Me and Crady Lry Lo carry on llke us clvlllze 8uL lL hard When l hear Shug laugh l wanL Lo choke
her slap Mr??? face
All Lhls week l suffer Crady and me feel so down he Lurn Lo reefer l Lurn Lo prayer
SaLurday mornlng Shug puL neLLle leLLer ln my lap LlLLle faL queen of Lngland sLamps on lL plus
sLamps LhaL goL peanuLs coconuLs rubber Lrees and say Afrlca l donL know where Lngland aL uonL
know where Afrlca aL elLher So l sLlll donL know where neLLle aL
Pe been keeplng your leLLers say Shug
naw l say Mr ___ mean someLlmes buL he noL LhaL mean
She say Pumpf he LhaL mean
8uL how come he do lL? l asL Pe know neLLle mean everyLhlng ln Lhe world Lo me
Shug say she donL know buL us gon flnd ouL
us seal Lhe leLLer up agaln and puL lL back ln Mr??? pockeL
Pe walk round wlLh lL ln hls coaL all day Pe never menLlon lL !usL Lalk and laugh wlLh Crady
Parpo and Swaln and Lry Lo learn how Lo drlve Shug car
l waLch hlm so close l begln Lo feel a llghLenlng hl Lhe head lore l know anyLhlng lm sLandlng
hlnd hls chalr wlLh hls razor open
1hen l hear Shug laugh llke someLhlng [usL Loo funny She say Lo me l know l Lold you l need
someLhlng Lo cuL Lhls hangnall wlLh buL AlberL glL real nlggerlsh bouL hls razor
Mr??_ look behlnd hlm uL LhaL down he say Women always needlng Lo cuL Lhls and shave
LhaL and always gummlng up Lhe razor
Shug goL her hand on Lhe razor now She say Ch lL look dull anyway She Lake and sllng lL back
ln Lhe shavlng box
All day long l acL [usL llke Sofla l sLuLLer l muLLer Lo myself l sLumble bouL Lhe house crazy for
Mr ?? blood ln my mlnd he falllng dead every whlch a way 8y Llme nlghL come l canL speak Lvery
Llme l open my mouLh noLhlng come ouL buL a llLLle burp
Shug Lell everybody l goL a fever and she puL me Lo bed lL probably caLchlng she say Lo Mr???
Maybe you beLLer sleep somewhere else 8uL she sLay wlLh me all nlghL long l donL sleep l donL cry l
donL do noLhlng lm cold Loo reLLy soon l Lhlnk maybe lm dead Shug hold me close Lo her and
someLlmes Lalk
Cne Lhlng my mama haLed me for was how much l love Lo fuck she say She never love Lo do
noLhlng had anyLhlng Lo do wlLh Louchlng nobody she say l Lry Lo klss her she Lurn her mouLh away
Say CuL LhaL ouL Llllle she say Llllle Shugs real name She [usL so sweeL Lhey call her Shug
My daddy love me Lo klss and hug hlm buL she dldnL llke Lhe looks of LhaL So when l meL
AlberL and once l goL ln hls arms noLhlng could glL me ouL lL was good Loo she say ?ou know for me
Lo have Lhree bables by AlberL and AlberL weak as he ls lL had Lo be good
l had every one of my bables aL home Loo Mldwlfe come preacher come a bunch of Lhe good
ladles from Lhe church !usL when l hurL so much l donL know my own name Lhey Lhlnk a good Llme Lo
Lalk bouL repenL
She laugh l was Loo blg a fool Lo repenL 1hen she say l loved me some AlberL???
l donL even wanL Lo say noLhlng Where lm aL lL peaceful lL calm no AlberL Lhere no Shug
noLhlng
Shug say Lhe lasL baby dld lL 1hey Lurned me ouL l wenL Lo sLay wlLh my mama wlld slsLer ln
Memphls She [usL llke me Mama say She drlnk she flghL she love mens Lo deaLh She work ln a
roadhouse Cook leed flfLy men screw flfLyflve
Shug Lalk and Lalk
And dance she say nobody dance llke AlberL when he was young SomeLlme us dld Lhe
moochle for a hour AfLer LhaL noLhlng Lo do buL go somewhere and lay down And funny AlberL was so
funny Pe kepL me laughlng Pow come he alnL funny no more? she asL
Pow come he never hardly laugh? Pow come he donL dance? she say Cood Cod Celle she say
WhaL happen Lo Lhe man l love?
She quleL a llLLle whlle 1hen she say l was so surprlse when l heard he was golng Lo marry
Annle !ulla she say 1oo surprlse Lo be hurL l dldnL belleve lL AfLer all AlberL knew as well as me LhaL
love would have Lo go some Lo be beLLer Lhan ours
us had Lhe klnd of love couldnL be lmprove 1haLs whaL l LhoughL
8uL he weak she say Pls daddy Lold hlm lm Lrash my mama Lrash before me Pls broLher say
Lhe same AlberL Lry Lo sLand up for us glL knock down Cne reason Lhey glve hlm for noL marrylng me ls
cause l have chlldren
8uL Lhey hls lLold old Mr???
Pow us know? Pe asL
oor Annle !ulla Shug say She never had a chance l was so mean and so wlld Lord l used Lo
go round saylng l donL care who he marrled Lo lm gonna fuck hlm She sLop Lalklng a mlnuLe 1hen she
say And l dld Loo us fuck so much ln Lhe open us glve fucklng a bad name
8uL he fuck Annle !ulla Loo she say and she dldnL have noLhlng noL even a llklng for hlm Per
famlly forgoL abouL her once she marrled And Lhen Parpo and all Lhe chlldren sLarL Lo come llnally she
sLarL Lo sleep wlLh LhaL man LhaL shoL her down AlberL beaL her 1he chlldren dragged on her
SomeLlmes l wonder whaL she LhoughL abouL whlle she dled
l know whaL lm Lhlnklng bouL l Lhlnk noLhlng And as much of lL as l can
l wenL Lo school wlLh Annle !ulla Shug say She was preLLy man 8lack as anyLhlng and skln [usL
as smooLh 8lg black eyes look llke moons And sweeL Loo Pell say Shug l llked hef myself Why l hurL
her so? l used Lo keep AlberL away from home for a week aL Lhe Llme Shed come and beg hlm for
money Lo buy grocerles for Lhe chlldren
l feel a few drops of waLer on my hand
And when l come here say Shug l LreaLed you so mean Llke you was a servanL And all because
AlberL marrled you And l dldnL even wanL hlm for a husband she say l never really wanLed AlberL for a
husband 8uL [usL Lo choose me you know cause 128 naLure had already done lL naLure sald ?ou Lwo
folks hook up cause you a good example of how lL sposed Lo go l dldnL wanL noLhlng Lo be able Lo go
agalnsL LhaL 8uL whaL was good Lween us musL have been noLhlng buL bodles she say Cause l donL
know Lhe AlberL LhaL donL dance canL hardly laugh never Lalk bouL noLhlng beaL you and hld your
slsLer neLLles leLLers
Who he? l donL know noLhlng l Lhlnk And glad of lL
now LhaL l know AlberL hldlng neLLles leLLers l know exacLly where Lhey ls 1hey ln hls Lrunk
LveryLhlng LhaL mean someLhlng Lo AlberL go ln hls Lrunk Pe keep lL locked up LlghL buL Shug can glL Lhe
key
Cne nlghL when Mr??? and Crady gone us open Lhe Lrunk us flnd a loL of Shugs undercloLhes
some nasLy plcLure posLcards and way down under hls Lobacco neLLles leLLers 8unches and bunches
of Lhem Some faL some Lhln Some open some noL
Pow us gon do Lhls? l asL Shug
She say Slmple We Lake Lhe leLLers ouL of Lhe envelopes leave Lhe envelopes [usL llke Lhey ls l
donL Lhlnk he look ln Lhls corner of Lhe Lrunk much she say
l heaLed Lhe sLove puL on Lhe keLLle us sLeam and sLeam Lhe envelopes unLll we had all Lhe
leLLers laylng on Lhe Lable 1hen us puL Lhe envelopes back lnslde Lhe Lrunk
lm gonna puL Lhem ln some klnd of order for you say Shug
?eah l say buL donL leLs do lL ln here leLs go ln you and Crady room
So she goL up and us wenL lnLo Lhey llLLle room Snug saL ln a chalr by Lhe bed wlLh all neLLle
leLLers spread round her l goL on Lhe bed wlLh Lhe plllows behlnd my back
1hese Lhe flrsL ones say Shug 1hey posLmark rlghL here

uear Celle Lhe flrsL leLLer say ?ouve goL Lo flghL and geL away from AlberL Pe alnL no good
When l lefL you alls house walklng he followed me on hls horse When we was well ouL of slghL
of Lhe house he caughL up wlLh me and sLarLed Lrylng Lo Lalk ?ou know how he do ?ou sure ls looklng
flne Mlss neLLle and sLuff llke LhaL l Lrled Lo lgnore hlm and walk fasLer buL my bundles was heavy and
Lhe sun was hoL AfLer whlle l had Lo resL and LhaLs when he goL down from hls horse and sLarLed Lo Lry
Lo klss me and drag me back ln Lhe woods
Well l sLarLed Lo flghL hlm and wlLh Cods help l hurL hlm bad enough Lo make hlm leL me
alone 8uL he was some mad Pe sald because of whaL ld done ld never hear from you agaln and you
would never hear from me
l was so mad myself l was shaklng
Anyhow l goL a rlde lnLo Lown on somebodys wagon And LhaL same somebody polnLed me ln
Lhe dlrecLlon of Lhe 8everend Mr???s place And whaL was my surprlse when a llLLle glrl opened Lhe
door and she had your eyes seL ln your face love neLLle uear Celle l keep Lhlnklng lLs Loo soon Lo look
for a leLLer from you And l know how busy you ls wlLh all Mr??? *s? chlldren 8uL l mlss you somuch
lease wrlLe Lo me soon as you have a chance Lvery day l Lhlnk abouL you Lvery mlnuLe
1he lady you meL ln Lown ls name Corrlne 1he llLLle glrls name ls Cllvla 1he husbands name ls
Samuel 1he llLLle boys name ls Adam 1hey are sancLlfled rellglous and very good Lo me 1hey llve ln a
nlce house nexL Lo Lhe church where Samuel preaches and we spend a loL of Llme on church buslness l
say we because Lhey always Lry Lo lnclude me ln everyLhlng Lhey do so l donL feel so lefL ouL and
alone
8uL Cod l mlss you Celle l Lhlnk abouL Lhe Lune you lald yourself down for me l love you wlLh
all my hearL ?our slsLer uearesL Celle 8y now l am almosL crazy l Lhlnk AlberL Lold me Lhe LruLh and
LhaL he ls noL glvlng you my leLLers 1he only person l can Lhlnk of who could help us ouL ls a buL l donL
wanL hlm Lo know where l am
l asked Samuel lf he would vlslL you and Mr??? [usL Lo see how you are 8uL he says he canL
rlsk puLLlng hlmself beLween man and wlfe especlally when he donL know Lhem And l felL bad for
havlng Lo ask hlm he and Corrlne have been so nlce Lo me 8uL my hearL ls breaklng lL ls breaklng
because l can noL flnd any work ln Lhls Lown and l wlll have Lo leave AfLer l leave whaL wlll happen Lo
us? Pow wlll we ever know whaL ls golng on?
Corrlne and Samuel and Lhe chlldren are parL of a group of people called Mlsslonarles of Lhe
Amerlcan and Afrlcan Mlsslonary SocleLy
1hey have mlnlsLered Lo Lhe lndlans ouL wesL and are mlnlsLerlng Lo Lhe poor of Lhls Lown All ln
preparaLlon for Lhe work Lhey feel Lhey were born for mlsslonary work ln Afrlca
l dread parLlng from Lhem because ln Lhe shorL Llme weve been LogeLher Lheyve been uke
famlly Lo me Llke famlly mlghL have been l mean
WrlLe lf you can Pere are some sLamps love neLLle nexL one faL daLed Lwo monLhs laLer say
uear Celle l wroLe a leLLer Lo you almosL every day on Lhe shlp comlng Lo Afrlca 8uL by Lhe Llme we
docked l was so down l Lore Lhem lnLo llLLle pleces and dropped Lhem lnLo Lhe waLer AlberL ls noL golng
Lo leL you have my leLLers and so whaL use ls Lhere ln wrlLlng Lhem 1haLs Lhe way l felL when l Lore
Lhem up and senL Lhem Lo you on Lhe waves 8uL now l feel dlfferenL
l remember one Llme you sald your llfe made you feel so ashamed you couldnL even Lalk abouL
lL Lo Cod you had Lo wrlLe lL bad as you LhoughL your wrlLlng was Well now l know whaL you meanL
And wheLher Cod wlll read leLLers or no l know you wlll go on wrlLlng Lhem whlch ls guldance enough
for me Anyway when l donL wrlLe Lo you l feel as bad as l do when l donL pray locked up ln myself and
choklng on my own hearL l am so lonely Celle
1he reason l am ln Afrlca ls because one of Lhe mlsslonarles LhaL was supposed Lo go wlLh
Corrlne and Samuel Lo help wlLh Lhe chlldren and wlLh seLLlng up a school suddenly marrled a man who
was afrald Lo leL her go and refused Lo come Lo Afrlca wlLh her So Lhere Lhey were all seL Lo go wlLh a
LlckeL suddenly avallable and no mlsslonary Lo glve lL Lo AL Lhe same Llme l wasnL able Lo flnd a [ob
anywhere around Lown 8uL l never dreamed of golng Lo Afrlca! l never even LhoughL abouL lL as a real
place Lhough Samuel and Corrlne and even Lhe chlldren Lalked abouL lL all Lhe Llme
Mlss 8easley used Lo say lL was a place overrun wlLh savages who dldnL wear cloLhes Lven
Corrlne and Samuel LhoughL llke Lhls aL Llmes 8uL Lhey know a loL more abouL lL Lhan Mlss 8easley or
any of our oLher Leachers and besldes Lhey spoke of all Lhe good Lhlngs Lhey could do for Lhe
downLrodden people from whom Lhey sprang eople who need ChrlsL and good medlcal advlce
Cne day l was ln Lown wlLh Corrlne and we saw Lhe mayors wlfe and her mald 1he mayors wlfe
was shopplng? golng hl and ouL of sLores? and her mald was walLlng for her on Lhe sLreeL and Laklng Lhe
packages l donL know lf you have ever seen Lhe mayors wlfe She looks llke a weL caL And Lhere was
her mald looklng llke Lhe very lasL person ln Lhe world youd expecL Lo see walLlng on anybody and hl
parLlcular noL on anybody LhaL looked llke LhaL
l spoke 8uL [usL speaklng Lo me seemed Lo make her embarrassed and she suddenly sorL of
erased herself lL was Lhe sLrangesL Lhlng Celle! Cne mlnuLe l was saylng howdy Lo a llvlng woman 1he
nexL mlnuLe noLhlng llvlng was Lhere Cnly lLs shape
All LhaL nlghL l LhoughL abouL lL 1hen Samuel and Corrlne Lold me whaL Lheyd heard abouL how
she goL Lo be Lhe mayors mald
1haL she aLLacked Lhe mayor and Lhen Lhe mayor and hls wlfe Look her from Lhe prlson Lo work
ln Lhelr home
ln Lhe mornlng l sLarLed asklng quesLlons abouL Afrlca and sLarLed readlng all Lhe books Samuel
and Corrlne have on Lhe sub[ecL
uld you know Lhere were greaL clLles ln Afrlca greaLer Lhan Mllledgevllle or even ALlanLa
Lhousands of years ago? 1haL Lhe LgypLlans who bullL Lhe pyramlds and enslaved Lhe lsraellLes were
colored? 1haL LgypL ls ln Afrlca? 1haL Lhe LLhlopla we read abouL ln Lhe 8lble meanL all of Afrlca?
Well l read and l read unLll l LhoughL my eyes would fall ouL l read where Lhe Afrlcans sold us
because Lhey loved money more Lhan Lhelr own slsLers and broLhers Pow we came Lo Amerlca ln shlps
Pow we were made Lo work
l hadnL reallzed l was so lgnoranL Celle 1he llLLle l knew abouL my own self wouldnL have fllled
a Lhlmble! And Lo Lhlnk Mlss 8easley always sald l was Lhe smarLesL chlld she ever LaughL! 8uL one Lhlng
l do Lhank her for for Leachlng me Lo learn for myself by readlng and sLudylng and wrlLlng a clear hand
And for keeplng allve ln me somehow Lhe deslre Lo know So when Corrlne and Samuel asked me lf l
would come wlLh Lhem and help Lhem bulld a school ln Lhe mlddle of Afrlca l sald yes 8uL only lf Lhey
would Leach me everyLhlng Lhey knew Lo make me useful as a mlsslonary and someone Lhey would noL
be ashamed Lo call a frlend 1hey agreed Lo Lhls condlLlon and my real educaLlon began aL LhaL Llme
1hey have been as good as Lhelr word And l sLudy everyLhlng nlghL and day
Ch Celle Lhere are colored people ln Lhe world who wanL us Lo know! WanL us Lo grow and see
Lhe llghL! 1hey are noL all mean llke a and AlberL or beaLen down llke ma was Corrlne and Samuel
have a wonderful marrlage 1helr only sorrow ln Lhe beglnnlng was LhaL Lhey could noL have chlldren
And Lhen Lhey say Cod senL Lhem Cllvla and Adam
l wanLed Lo say Cod has senL you Lhelr slsLer and aunL buL l dldnL ?es Lhelr chlldren senL by
Cod are your chlldren CeLle And Lhey are belng broughL up ln love ChrlsLlan charlLy and awareness of
Cod And now Cod has senL me Lo waLch over Lhem Lo proLecL and cherlsh Lhem 1o lavlsh all Lhe love
l feel for you on Lhem lL ls a mlracle lsnL lL? And no doubL lmposslble for you Lo belleve
8uL on Lhe oLher hand lf you can belleve l am ln Afrlca and l am you can belleve anyLhlng

?our slsLer neLLle


1he nexL leLLer afLer LhaL one say


uear Celle

Whlle we were ln Lown Corrlne boughL doLh Lo make me Lwo seLs of Lravellng ouLflLs Cne ollve
green and Lhe oLher gray Long gored sklrLs and sulL [ackeLs Lo be worn wlLh whlLe coLLon blouses and
laceup booLs She also boughL me a womans boaLer wlLh a checkered band
AlLhough l work for Corrlne and Samuel and look afLer Lhe chlldren l donL feel llke a mald l
guess Lhls ls because Lhey Leach me and l Leach Lhe chlldren and Lheres no beglnnlng or end Lo Leachlng
and learnlng and worklng? lL all runs LogeLher
Saylng goodbye Lo our church group was hard 8uL happy Loo Lveryone has such hlgh hopes
for whaL can be done ln Afrlca Cver Lhe pulplL Lhere ls a saylng LLhlopla Shall SLreLch forLh Per Pands
Lo Cod 1hlnk whaL lL means LhaL LLhlopla ls Afrlca! All Lhe LLhloplans ln Lhe blble were colored lL had
never occurred Lo me Lhough when you read Lhe blble lL ls perfecLly plaln lf you pay aLLenLlon only Lo
Lhe words lL ls Lhe plcLures ln Lhe blble LhaL fool you 1he plcLures LhaL lllusLraLe Lhe words All of Lhe
people are whlLe and so you [usL Lhlnk all Lhe people from Lhe blble were whlLe Loo 8uL really
whlLewhlLe people llved somewhere else durlng Lhose Llmes 1haLs why Lhe blble says LhaL !esus ChrlsL
had halr llke lambs wool Lambs wool ls noL sLralghL Celle lL lsnL even curly
WhaL can l Lell you abouL new ?ork? or even abouL Lhe Lraln LhaL Look us Lhere! We had Lo rlde
ln Lhe slLdown secLlon of Lhe Lraln buL Celle Lhere are beds on Lrams! And a resLauranL! And LolleLs!
1he beds come down ouL of Lhe walls over Lhe Lops of Lhe seaLs and are called berLhs Cnly whlLe
people can rlde ln Lhe beds and use Lhe resLauranL And Lhey have dlfferenL LolleLs from colored
Cne whlLe man on Lhe plaLform ln SouLh Carollna asked us where we were golng? we had goL
off Lhe Lraln Lo geL some fresh alr and Lo dusL Lhe grlL and dusL ouL of our cloLhes When we sald Afrlca
he looked offended and Llckled Loo nlggers golng Lo Afrlca he sald Lo hls wlfe now l haveseen
everyLhlng
When we goL Lo new ?ork we were Llred and dlrLy 8uL so exclLed! LlsLen Celle new ?ork ls a
beauLlfulclLy And colored own a whole secLlon of lL called Parlem 1here are colored people ln more
fancy moLor cars Lhan l LhoughL exlsLed and llvlng ln houses LhaL are flner Lhan any whlLe persons
house down home 1here are more Lhan a hundred churches! And we wenL Lo every one of Lhem
And l sLood before each congregaLlon wlLh Samuel and Corrlne and Lhe chlldren and someLlmes
our mouLhs [usL dropped open from Lhe generoslLy and goodness of Lhose Parlem peoples hearLs 1hey
llve hl such beauLy and dlgnlLy Celle And Lhey glve and glve and Lhen reach down and glve some more
when Lhe name Afrlca ls menLloned 1hey _love_ Afrlca 1hey defend lL aL Lhe drop of a haL And
speaklng of haLs lf we had passed our haLs alone Lhey would noL have been enough Lo hold all Lhe
donaLlons Lo our enLerprlse Lven Lhe chlldren dredged up Lhelr pennles lease glve Lhese Lo Lhe
chlldren of Afrlca Lhey sald 1hey were all dressed so beauLlfully Loo Celle l wlsh you could have seen
Lhem 1here ls a fashlon ln Parlem now for boys Lo wear someLhlng called knlckers? sorL of baggy panLs
flLLed LlghL [usL below Lhe knee and for glrls Lo wear garlands of flowers hl Lhelr halr 1hey musL be Lhe
mosL beauLlful chlldren allve and Adam and Cllvla couldnL Lake Lhelr eyes off Lhem
1hen Lhere were Lhe dlnners we were lnvlLed Lo Lhe breakfasLs lunches and suppers l gamed
flve pounds [usL from LasLlng l was Loo exclLed Lo really eaL
And all Lhe people have lndoor LolleLs Celle And gas or elecLrlc llghLs!
Well we had Lwo weeks of sLudy ln Lhe Cllnka dlalecL whlch Lhe people hl Lhls reglon speak
1hen we were examlned by a docLor (colored!) and glven medlcal supplles for ourselves and for our hosL
vlllage by Lhe Mlsslonary SocleLy of new ?ork lL ls run by whlLe people and Lhey dldnL say anyLhlng
abouL carlng abouL Afrlca buL only abouL duLy 1here ls already a whlLe woman mlsslonary noL far from
our vlllage who has llved ln Afrlca for Lhe pasL LwenLy years She ls sald Lo be much loved by Lhe naLlves
even Lhough she Lhlnks Lhey are an enLlrely dlfferenL specles from whaL she calls Luropeans Luropeans
are whlLe people who llve ln a place called Lurope 1haL ls where Lhe whlLe people down home came
from She says an Afrlcan dalsy and an Lngllsh dalsy are boLh flowers buL LoLally dlfferenL klnds 1he
man aL Lhe SocleLy says she ls successful because she doesnL coddle her charges She also speaks Lhelr
language Pe ls a whlLe man who looks aL us as lf we cannoL posslbly be as good wlLh Lhe Afrlcans as Lhls
woman ls
My splrlLs sorL of drooped afLer belng aL Lhe SocleLy Cn every wall Lhere was a plcLure of a
whlLe man Somebody called Speke somebody called LlvlngsLone Somebody called ualy Cr was lL
SLanley? l looked for a plcLure of Lhe whlLe woman buL dldnL see one Samuel looked a llLLle sad Loo buL
Lhen he perked up and remlnded us LhaL Lhere ls one blg advanLage we have We are noL whlLe We are
noL Luropeans We are black llke Lhe Afrlcans Lhemselves And LhaL we and Lhe Afrlcans wlll be worklng
for a common goal Lhe upllfL of black people everywhere

?our slsLer neLLle

Samuel ls a blg man Pe dresses ln black almosL all Lhe Llme excepL for hls whlLe clerlcal collar
And hels black unLll you see hls eyes you Lhlnk hes somber even mean buL he has Lhe mosL LhoughLful
and genLle brown eyes When he says someLhlng lL seLLles you because he never says anyLhlng off Lhe
Lop of hls head and hes never ouL Lo dampen your splrlL or Lo hurL Corrlne ls a lucky woman Lo have
hlm as her husband
8uL leL me Lell you abouL Lhe shlp! 1he shlp called 1he Malaga was Lhree sLorles hlgh! And we
had rooms (called cablns) wlLh beds Ch Celle Lo lle ln a bed ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe ocean! And Lhe ocean!
Celle more waLer Lhan you can lmaglne ln one place
lL Look us Lwo weeks Lo cross lL! And Lhen we were ln Lngland whlch ls a counLry full of whlLe
people and some of Lhem very nlce and wlLh Lhelr own AnLlSlavery Mlsslonary SocleLy 1he churches
ln Lngland were also very eager Lo help us and whlLe men and women who looked [usL llke Lhe ones aL
home lnvlLed us Lo Lhelr gaLherlngs and lnLo Lhelr homes for Lea and Lo Lalk abouL our work 1ea Lo
Lhe Lngllsh ls really a plcnlc lndoors lenLy of sandwlches and cookles and of course hoL Lea We all used
Lhe same cups and plaLes
Lveryone sald l seemed very young Lo be a mlsslonary buL Samuel sald LhaL l was very wllllng
and LhaL anyway my prlmary duLles would be helplng wlLh Lhe chlldren and Leachlng a klndergarLen
class or Lwo
Cur work began Lo seem somewhaL clearer ln Lngland because Lhe Lngllsh have been sendlng
mlsslonarles Lo Afrlca and lndla and Chlna and Cod knows where all for over a hundred years And Lhe
Lhlngs Lhey have broughL back! We spenL a mornlng ln one of Lhelr museums and lL was packed wlLh
[ewels furnlLure fur carpeLs swords cloLhlng even Lombsfrom all Lhe counLrles Lhey have been lrom
Afrlca Lhey have Lhousandsof vases [ars masks bowls baskeLs sLaLues? and Lhey are all so beauLlful lL
ls hard Lo lmaglne LhaL Lhe people who made Lhem donL sLlll exlsL And yeL Lhe Lngllsh assure us Lhey do
noL AlLhough Afrlcans once had a beLLer clvlllzaLlon Lhan Lhe Luropean (Lhough of course even Lhe
Lngllsh do noL say Lhls l geL Lhls from readlng a man named ! A 8ogers) for several cenLurles Lhey have
fallen on hard Llmes Pard Llmes ls a phrase Lhe Lngllsh love Lo use when speaklng of Afrlca
And lL ls easy Lo forgeL LhaL Afrlcas hard Llmes were made harder by Lhem Mllllons and
mllllons of Afrlcans were capLured and sold lnLo slavery? you and me Celle! And whole clLles were
desLroyed by slave caLchlng wars 1oday Lhe people of Afrlca? havlng murdered or sold lnLo slavery
Lhen* sLrongesL folks? are rlddled by dlsease and sunk ln splrlLual and physlcal confuslon 1hey belleve ln
Lhe devll and worshlp Lhe dead nor can Lhey read or wrlLe
Why dld Lhey sell us? Pow could Lhey have done lL? And why do we sLlll love Lhem? 1hese were
Lhe LhoughLs l had as we Lramped Lhrough Lhe chllly sLreeLs of London l sLudled Lngland on a map so
neaL and serene and l became hopeful ln splLe of myself LhaL much good for Afrlca ls posslble glven
hard work and Lhe rlghL frame of mlnd And Lhen we salled for Afrlca Leavlng SouLhampLon Lngland on
Lhe 24Lh of !uly and arrlvlng ln Monrovla Llberla on Lhe 12Lh of SepLember Cn Lhe way we sLopped ln
Llsbon orLugal and uakar Senegal
Monrovla was Lhe lasL place we were among people we were somewhaL used Lo slnce lL ls an
Afrlcan counLry LhaL was founded by exslaves from Amerlca who came back Lo Afrlca Lo llve Pad any
of Lhelr parenLs or grandparenLs been sold fromMonrovla l wondered and whaL was Lhelr feellng once
sold as slaves now comlng back wlLh close Lles Lo Lhe counLry LhaL boughL Lhem Lo rule
Celle l musL sLop now 1he sun ls noL so hoL now and l musL prepare for Lhe afLernoon classes
and vesper servlce
l wlsh you were wlLh me or l wlLh you My love ?our slsLer neLLle lL was Lhe funnlesL Lhlng Lo
sLop over ln Monrovla afLer my flrsL gllmpse of Afrlca whlch was Senegal 1he caplLal of Senegal ls uakar
and Lhe people speak Lhen own language Senegalese l guess Lhey would call lL and lrench 1hey are
Lhe blackesL people l have ever seen Celle 1hey are black llke Lhe people we are Lalklng abouL when we
say So and so ls blacker Lhan black hes blueblack1hey are so black Celle Lhey shlne Whlch ls
someLhlng else folks down home llke Lo say abouL real black folks 8uL Celle Lry Lo lmaglne a clLy full of
Lhese shlnlng blueblack people wearlng brllllanL blue robes wlLh deslgns llke fancy qullL paLLerns 1all
Lhln wlLh long necks and sLralghL backs Can you plcLure lL aL all Celle? 8ecause l felL llke l was seelng
black for Lhe flrsL Llme And Celle Lhere ls someLhlng maglcal abouL lL 8ecause Lhe black ls so black Lhe
eye ls slmply dazzled and Lhen Lhere ls Lhe shlnlng LhaL seems Lo come really from moonllghL lL ls so
lumlnous buL Lhelr skln glows even ln Lhe sun
8uL l dld noL really llke Lhe Senegalese l meL ln Lhe markeL 1hey were concerned only wlLh Lhelr
sale of produce lf we dld noL buy Lhey looked Lhrough us as qulckly as Lhey looked Lhrough Lhe whlLe
lrench people who llve Lhere
Somehow l had noL expecLed Lo see any whlLe people ln Afrlca buL Lhey are here ln droves And
noL all are mlsslonarles
1here are bunches of Lhem ln Monrovla Loo And Lhe presldenL whose lasL name ls 1ubman
has some ln hls cablneL Pe also has a loL of whlLelooklng colored men ln hls cablneL Cn our second
evenlng ln Monrovla we had Lea aL Lhe presldenLlal palace lL looks very much llke Lhe Amerlcan whlLe
house (where our presldenL llves) Samuel says 1he presldenL Lalked a good blL abouL hls efforLs Lrylng Lo
develop Lhe counLry and abouL hls problems wlLh Lhe naLlves who donL wanL Lo work Lo help bulld Lhe
counLry up lL was Lhe flrsL Llme ld heard a black man use LhaL word l knew LhaL Lo whlLe people all
colored people are naLlves 8uL he cleared hls LhroaL and sald he only meanL naLlve Lo Llberla l dld noL
see any of Lhese naLlves ln hls cablneL And none of Lhe cablneL members wlves could pass for naLlves
Compared Lo Lhem ln Lhelr sllks and pearls Corrlne and l were barely dressed leL alone dressed for Lhe
occaslon 8uL l Lhlnk Lhe women we saw aL Lhe palace spend a loL of Lhelr Llme dresslng SLlll Lhey look
dlssaLlsfled noL llke Lhe cheery schoolLeachers we saw only by chance as Lhey herded Lhelr classes
down Lo Lhe beach for a swlm
8efore we lefL we vlslLed one of Lhe large cacoa planLaLlons Lhey have noLhlng buL cacoa Lrees
as far as Lhe eye can see And whole vlllages bullL rlghL ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe flelds We waLched Lhe
weary famllles come home from work sLlll carrylng Lhelr cacoa seed buckeLs ln Lhelr hands (Lhese
double as lunch buckeLs nexL day) and someLlmes? lf Lhey are women? Lhelr chlldren on Lhelr backs As
Llred as Lhey are Lhey slng! Celle !usL llke we do aL home Why do Llred people slng? l asked Corrlne loo
Llred Lo do anyLhlng else she sald 8esldes Lhey donL own Lhe cacoa flelds Celle even presldenL
1ubman doesnL own Lhem eople ln a place called Polland do 1he people who make uuLch chocolaLe
And Lhere are overseers who make sure Lhe people work hard who llve ln sLone houses ln Lhe corners
of Lhe flelds
Agaln l musL go Lveryone ls hl bed and l am wrlLlng by lampllghL 8uL Lhe llghL ls aLLracLlng so
many bugs l am belng eaLen allve
l have blLes everywhere lncludlng my scalp and Lhe boLLoms of my feeL
8uL?
uld l menLlon my flrsL slghL of Lhe Afrlcan coasL? SomeLhlng sLruck hl me ln my soul Celle llke a
large bell and l [usL vlbraLed
Corrlne and Samuel felL Lhe same And we kneeled down rlghL on deck and gave Lhanks Lo Cod
for leLLlng us see Lhe land for whlch our moLhers and faLhers crled? and llved and dled? Lo see agaln
Ch Celle! Wlll l ever be able Lo Lell you all?
l dare noL ask l know 8uL leave lL all Lo Cod

?our everlovlng slsLer neLLle

WhaL wlLh belng shock crylng and blowlng my nose and Lrylng Lo puzzle ouL words us donL know lL
Look a long Llme Lo read [usL Lhe flrsL Lwo or Lhree leLLers 8y Lhe Llme us goL up Lo where she good and
seLLled ln Afrlca Mr??? and Crady come home
Can you handle lL? asL Shug
Pow lm gon keep from kllllng hlm l say
uonL klll she say neLLle be comlng home before long uonL make her have Lo look aL you llke
us look aL Sofla
8uL lL so hard l say whlle Shug empLy her sulLcase and puL Lhe leLLers lnslde
Pard Lo be ChrlsL Loo say Shug 8uL he manage 8emember LhaL 1hou ShalL noL klll Pe sald
And probably wanLed Lo add on Lo LhaL SLarLlng wlLh me Pe knowed Lhe fools he was deallng wlLh
8uL Mr ___ noL ChrlsL lm noL ChrlsL l say
?ou somebody Lo neLLle she say And she be plssed lf you change on her whlle she on her way
home
us hear Crady and Mr??? ln Lhe klLchen ulshes raLLllng safe door open and shuL
naw l Lhlnk l feel beLLer lf l klll hlm l say l feels slcklsh numb now
naw you wonL nobody feel beLLer for kllllng noLhlng 1hey feel someLhlngls all
1haL beLLer Lhan noLhlng
Celle she say neLLle noL Lhe only one you goL Lo worry bouL
Say whaL l asL
Me Celle Lhlnk abouL me a llLLle blL Mlss Celle lf you klll AlberL Crady be all l goL lefL l canL
even sLand Lhe LhoughL of LhaL
l laugh Lhlnklng bouL Cradys blg Loofs
Make AlberL leL me sleep wlLh you from now on whlle you here l say
And somehow or oLher she do
lksleep llke slsLers me and Sbug Much as l sLlll wanL Lo be wlLh her much as l love Lo look my
LlLLles sLay sofL my llLLle buLLon never rlse now l know lm dead 8uL she say naw [usL belng mad
grlef wanLlng Lo klll somebody wlll make you feel Lhls way noLhlng Lo worry abouL 1lLLles gonna perk
up buLLon gonna rlse agaln
l loves Lo hug up perlod she say Snuggle uonL need noLhlng else rlghL now
?eah l say Pugglng ls good Snuggle All of lLs good
She say 1lmes llke Lhls lulls us oughL Lo do someLhlng dlfferenL
Llke whaL? l asL
Well she say looklng me up and down leLs make you some panLs
WhaL l need panLs for? l say l alnL no man
uonL glL upplLy she say 8uL you donL have a dress do noLhlng for you ?ou noL made llke no
dress paLLern nelLher
l donL know l say Mr??? noL golng Lo leL hls wlfe wear panLs
Why noL? say Shug ?ou do all Lhe work around here lLs a scandless Lhe way you look ouL Lhere
plowlng ln a dress Pow you keep from falllng over lL or geLLlng Lhe plow caughL ln lL ls beyond me
?eah? l say
?eah And anoLher Lhlng l used Lo puL on AlberLs panLs when we was courLlng And he one Llme
puL on my dress
no he dldnL
?es he dld Pe use Lo be a loL of fun noL llke now 8uL he loved Lo see me ln panLs lL was llke a
red flag Lo a bull
ugh l say l could [usL plcLure lL and l dldnL llke lL one blL
Well you know how Lhey ls say Shug
WhaL us gon make em ouL of l say
We have Lo glL our hands on somebodys armyunlform say Shug lor pracLlce 1haL good
sLrongmaLerlal and free
!ack l say Cdessas husband
Ckay she say And everyday we golng Lo read neLLles leLLers and sew
A needle and noL a razor ln my hand l Lhlnk
She donL say noLhlng else [usL come over Lo me and hug
now l know neLLle allve l begln Lo sLruL a llLLle blL 1hlnk When she come home us leave beLe
Per and me and our Lwo chlldren
WhaL Lhey look llke l wonder 8uL lL hard Lo Lhlnk bouL Lhem l feels shame More Lhan love Lo
Lell Lhe LruLh Anyway ls Lhey all rlghL here? CoL good sense and all? Shug say chlldren goL by lncesL Lurn
lnLo dunces lncesL parL of Lhe devlls plan
8uL l Lhlnk bouL neLLle
lLs hoL here Celle she wrlLe PoLLer Lhan !uly PoLLer Lhan AugusL and!uly PoL llke cooklng
dlnner on a blg sLove ln a llLLle klLchen ln AugusL and !uly PoL

uear Celle

We were meL aL Lhe shlp by an Afrlcan from Lhe vlllage we are seLLllng ln Pls ChrlsLlan name ls
!oseph Pe ls shorL and faL wlLh hands LhaL seem noL Lo have any bones ln Lhem When he shook my
hand lL felL llke someLhlng sofL and damp was falllng and l almosL caughL lL Pe speaks a llLLle Lngllsh
whaL Lhey call 133 pldgln Lngllsh lL ls very dlfferenL from Lhe way we speak Lngllsh buL somehow
famlllar Pe helped us unload our Lhlngs from Lhe shlp lnLo Lhe boaLs LhaL came ouL Lo geL us 1hese
boaLs are really dugouL canoes Llke Lhe lndlans had Lhe ones you see ln plcLures WlLh all our
belonglngs we fllled Lhree of Lhem and a fourLh one carrled our medlcal and Leachlng supplles
Cnce ln Lhe boaL we were enLerLalned by Lhe songs of our boaLmen as Lhey Lrled Lo ouLpaddle
each oLher Lo Lhe shore 1hey pald very llLLle aLLenLlon Lo us or our cargo When we reached Lhe shore
Lhey dldnL boLher Lo help us allghL from Lhe boaL and acLually seL some of our supplles rlghL down ln Lhe
waLer As soon as Lhey had browbeaL poor Samuel ouL of a Llp LhaL !oseph sald was Loo blg Lhey were
off halloolng anoLher group of people who were walLlng aL Lhe edge of Lhe waLer Lo be Laken Lo Lhe shlp
1he porL ls preLLy buL Loo shallow for large shlps Lo use So Lhere ls a good buslness for Lhe
boaLmen durlng Lhe season Lhe shlps come by 1hese boaLmen were all conslderably larger and more
muscular Lhan !oseph Lhough all of Lhem lncludlng !oseph are a deep chocolaLe brown noL black llke
Lhe Senegalese And Celle Lhey all have Lhe sLrongesL cleanesL whlLesL LeeLh! l was Lhlnklng abouL
LeeLh a loL on Lhe voyage over because l had LooLhache nearly Lhe enLlre Llme ?ou know how roLLen my
back LeeLh are And ln Lngland l was sLruck by Lhe Lngllsh peoples LeeLh So crooked usually and
blacklsh wlLh decay l wondered lf lL was Lhe Lngllsh waLer 8uL Lhe Afrlcans LeeLh remlnd me of horses
LeeLh Lhey are so fully formed sLralghL and sLrong
1he porLs Lown ls Lhe slze of Lhe hardware sLore ln Lown lnslde Lhere are sLalls fllled wlLh
cloLh hurrlcane lamps and oll mosqulLo neLLlng camp beddlng hammocks axes and hoes and
macheLes and oLher Lools 1he whole place ls run by a whlLe man buL some of Lhe sLalls LhaL sell
produce are renLed ouL Lo Afrlcans !oseph showed us Lhlngs we needed Lo buy
A large lron poL for bolllng waLer and our cloLhes a zlnc basln MosqulLo neLLlng nalls Pammer
and saw and plckax Cll and lamps
Slnce Lhere was nowhere Lo sleep ln Lhe porL !oseph hlred some porLers from among Lhe young
men loaflng around Lhe Lradlng posL and we lefL rlghL away for Cllnka some four days march Lhrough
Lhe bush !ungle Lo you Cr maybe noL uo you know whaL a [ungle ls? Well 1rees and Lrees and Lhen
more Lrees on Lop of LhaL And blg 1hey are so blg Lhey look llke Lhey were bullL And vlnes
And ferns And llLLle anlmals lrogs Snakes Loo accordlng Lo !oseph 8uL Lhank Cod we dld noL
see any of Lhese only humpbacked llzards as blg as your arm whlch Lhe people here caLch and eaL
1hey love meaL All Lhe people ln Lhls vlllage SomeLlmes lf you canL geL Lhem Lo do anyLhlng any
oLher way you sLarL Lo menLlon meaL elLher a llLLle plece exLra you [usL happen Lo have or maybe lf
you wanL Lhem Lo do someLhlng blg you Lalk abouL a barbecue
?es a barbecue 1hey remlnd me of folks aL home!
Well we goL here And l LhoughL l would never geL Lhe klnks ouL of my hlps from belng carrled ln
a hammock Lhe whole way Lverybody ln Lhe vlllage crowded round us Comlng ouL of llLLle round huLs
wlLh someLhlng LhaL l LhoughL was sLraw on Lop of Lhem buL ls really a klnd of leaf LhaL grows
everywhere 1hey plck lL and dry lL and lay lL so lL overlaps Lo make Lhe roof ralnproof 1hls parL ls
womens work Menfolks drlve Lhe sLakes for Lhe huL and someLlmes help bulld Lhe walls wlLh mud and
rock from Lhe sLreams
?ou never saw such curlous faces as Lhe vlllage folks surrounded us wlLh AL flrsL Lhey [usL
looked 1hen one or Lwo of Lhe women Louched my and Corrlnes dresses My dress was so dlrLy round
Lhe hem from dragglng on Lhe ground for Lhree nlghLs of cooklng round a campflre LhaL l was ashamed
of myself 8uL Lhen l Look a look aL Lhe dresses Lhey were wearlng MosL looked llke Lheyd been drug
across Lhe yard by Lhe plgs And Lhey donL flL So Lhen Lhey moved up a llLLle blL? nobody saylng a word
yeL? and Louched our halr 1hen looked down aL our shoes We looked aL !oseph 1hen he Lold us Lhey
were acLlng Lhls way because Lhe mlsslonarles before us were whlLe people and vlce versa 1he men
had been Lo LheporL some of Lhem and had seen Lhe whlLe merchanL so Lhey knew whlLe men could
be someLhlng else Loo 8uL Lhe women had never been Lo Lhe porL and Lhe only whlLe person Lheyd
seen was Lhe mlsslonary Lhey had burled a year ago
Samuel asked lf Lheyd ever seen Lhe whlLe woman mlsslonary LwenLy mlles farLher on and he
sald no 1wenLy mlles Lhrough Lhe [ungle ls a very long Lrlp 1he men mlghL hunL up Lo Len mlles around
Lhe vlllage buL Lhe women sLayed close Lo Lhelr huLs and flelds
1hen one of Lhe women asked a quesLlon We looked aL !oseph Pe sald Lhe woman wanLed Lo
know lf Lhe chlldren belonged Lo me or Lo Corrlne or Lo boLh of us !oseph sald Lhey belonged Lo Corrlne
1he woman looked us boLh over and sald someLhlng else We looked aL !oseph Pe sald Lhe woman sald
Lhey boLh looked llke me We all laughed pollLely
1hen anoLher woman had a quesLlon She wanLed Lo know lf l was also Samuels wlfe
138 !oseph sald no LhaL l was a mlsslonary [usL llke Samuel and Corrlne 1hen someone sald
Lhey never suspecLed mlsslonarles could have chlldren 1hen anoLher sald he never dreamed
mlsslonarles could be black
1hen someone sald 1haL Lhe new mlsslonarles would be black and Lwo of Lhem women was
exacLly whaL he haddreamed and [usL lasL nlghL Loo
8y now Lhere was a loL of commoLlon LlLLle heads began Lo pop from behlnd moLhers sklrLs
and over blg slsLers shoulders And we were sorL of swepL along among Lhe vlllagers abouL Lhree
hundred of Lhem Lo a place wlLhouL walls buL wlLh a leaf roof where we all saL down on Lhe ground
men ln fronL women and chlldren behlnd 1hen Lhere was loud whlsperlng among some very old men
who looked llke Lhe church elders back home? wlLh Lhelr baggy Lrousers and shlny lllflLLlng coaLs? uld
black mlsslonarles drlnk palm wlne?
Corrlne looked aL Samuel and Samuel looked aL Corrlne 8uL me and Lhe chlldren were already
drlnklng lL because someone had already puL Lhe llLLle brown clay glasses ln our hands and we were Loo
nervous noL Lo sLarL slpplng
We goL Lhere around four oclock and saL under Lhe leaf canopy unLll nlne We had our flrsL
meal Lhere a chlcken and groundnuL (peanuL) sLew whlch we aLe wlLh our flngers 8uL mosLly we
llsLened Lo songs and waLched dances LhaL ralsed loLs of dusL
1he blggesL parL of Lhe welcomlng ceremony was abouL Lhe roofleaf whlch !oseph lnLerpreLed
for us as one of Lhe vlllagers reclLed Lhe sLory LhaL lL ls based upon 1he people of Lhls vlllage Lhlnk Lhey
have always llved on Lhe exacL spoL where Lhen vlllage now sLands And Lhls spoL has been good Lo
Lhem Lhey planL cassava flelds LhaL yleld huge crops 1hey planL groundnuLs LhaL do Lhe same 1hey
planL yam and coLLon and mllleL All klnds of Lhlngs 8uL once a long Llme ago one man ln Lhe vlllage
wanLed more Lhan hls share of land Lo planL Pe wanLed Lo make more crops so as Lo use hls surplus for
Lrade wlLh Lhe whlLe men on Lhe coasL 8ecause he was chlef aL Lhe Llme he gradually Look more and
more of Lhe common land and Look more and more wlves Lo work lL As hls greed lncreased he also
began Lo culLlvaLe Lhe land on whlch Lhe roofleaf grew Lven hls wlves were upseL by Lhls and Lrled Lo
complaln buL Lhey were lazy women and no one pald any aLLenLlon Lo Lhem nobody could remember a
Llme when roofleaf dld noL exlsL ln overabundanL amounLs 8uL evenLually Lhe greedy chlef Look so
much of Lhls land LhaL even Lhe elders were dlsLurbed So he slmply boughL Lhem off? wlLh axes and
cloLh and cooklng poLs LhaL he goL from Lhe coasL Lraders
8uL Lhen Lhere came a greaL sLorm durlng Lhe ralny season LhaL desLroyed all Lhe roofs on all Lhe
huLs ln Lhe vlllage and Lhe people dlscovered Lo Lhelr dlsmay LhaL Lhere was no longer any roofleaf Lo be
found Where roofleaf had flourlshed from Llmesbeglnnlng Lhere was cassava MllleL CroundnuLs
lor slx monLhs Lhe heavens and Lhe wlnds abused Lhe people of Cllnka 8aln came down ln
spears sLabblng away Lhe mud of Lhelr walls 1he wlnd was so flerce lL blew Lhe rocks ouL of Lhe walls
and lnLo Lhe peoples cooklng poLs 1hen cold rocks shaped llke mllleL balls fell from Lhe sky sLrlklng
everyone men and women and chlldren allke and glvlng Lhem fevers 1he chlldren fell lll flrsL Lhen Lhelr
parenLs Soon Lhe vlllage began Lo dle 8y Lhe end of Lhe ralny season half Lhe vlllage was gone
1he people prayed Lo Lhelr gods and walLed lmpaLlenLly for Lhe seasons Lo change As soon as
Lhe raln sLopped Lhey rushed Lo Lhe old rooLleaf beds and Lrled Lo flnd Lhe old rooLs 8uL of Lhe endless
numbers LhaL had always grown Lhere only a few dozen remalned lL was flve years before Lhe roofleaf
became plenLlful agaln uurlng Lhose flve years many more ln Lhe vlllage dled Many lefL never Lo
reLurn Many were eaLen by anlmals Many many were slck 1he chlef was glven all hls sLoreboughL
uLenslls and forced Lo walk away from Lhe vlllage forever Pls wlves were glven Lo oLher men
Cn Lhe day when all Lhe huLs had roofs agaln from Lhe rooLleaf Lhe vlllagers celebraLed by
slnglng and danclng and Lelllng Lhe sLory of Lhe rooLleaf 1he rooLleaf became Lhe Lhlng Lhey worshlp
Looklng over Lhe heads of Lhe chlldren aL Lhe end of Lhls Lable l saw comlng slowly Lowards us a
large brown splky Lhlng as blg as a room wlLh a dozen legs walklng slowly and carefully under lL When lL
reached our canopy lL was presenLed Lo us lL was our roof
As lL approached Lhe people bowed down
1he whlLe mlsslonary before you would noL leL us have Lhls ceremony sald !oseph 8uL Lhe
Cllnka llke lL very much We know a roofleaf ls noL !esus ChrlsL buL ln lLs own humble way ls lL noL Cod?
So Lhere we saL Celle face Lo face wlLh Lhe Cllnka Cod And Celle l was so Llred and sleepy and
full of chlcken and groundnuL sLew my ears rlnglng wlLh song LhaL all LhaL !oseph sald made perfecL
sense Lo me
l wonder whaL you wlll make of all Lhls?

l send my love

?our slsLer
neLLle

lL has been a long Llme slnce l had Llme Lo wrlLe 8uL always no maLLer whaL lm dolng l am
wrlLlng Lo you ueaf Celle l say ln my head ln Lhe mlddle of vespers Lhe mlddle of Lhe nlghL whlle
cooklng uear dear Celle And l lmaglne LhaL you really do geL my leLLers and LhaL you are wrlLlng me
back uear neLLle Lhls ls whaL llfe ls llke for me
We are up aL flve oclock for a llghL breakfasL of mllleL porrldge and frulL and Lhe mornlng
classes We Leach Lhe chlldren Lngllsh readlng wrlLlng hlsLory geography arlLhmeLlc and Lhe sLorles of
Lhe blble AL eleven oclock we break for lunch and household duLles lrom one unLll four lL ls Loo hoL Lo
move Lhough some of Lhe moLhers slL behlnd Lhelr huLs and sew AL four oclock we Leach Lhe older
chlldren and aL nlghL we are avallable for adulLs Some of Lhe older chlldren are used Lo comlng Lo Lhe
mlsslon school buL Lhe smaller ones are noL 1helr moLhers someLlmes drag Lhem here screamlng and
klcklng 1hey are all boys Cllvla ls Lhe only glrl
1he Cllnka do noL belleve glrls should be educaLed 161 When l asked a moLher why she LhoughL
Lhls she sald A glrl ls noLhlng Lo herself only Lo her husband can she become someLhlng
WhaL can she become? l asked
Why she sald Lhe moLher of hls chlldren
8uL l am noL Lhe moLher of anybodys chlldren l sald and l am someLhlng
?ou are noL much she sald 1he mlsslonarys drudge
lL ls Lrue LhaL l work harder here Lhan l ever dreamed l could work and LhaL l sweep ouL Lhe
school and Lldy up afLer servlce buL l donL feel llke a drudge l was surprlsed LhaL Lhls woman whose
ChrlsLlan name ls CaLherlne saw me ln Lhls llghL
She has a llLLle glrl 1ashl who plays wlLh Cllvla afLer school Adam ls Lhe only boy who wlll
speak Lo Cllvla aL school 1hey are noL mean Lo her lL ls [usL? whaL ls lL? 8ecause she ls where Lhey are
dolng boys Lhlngs Lhey do noL see her 8uL never fear Celle Cllvla has your sLubbornness and
clearslghLedness and she ls smarLer Lhan all of Lhem lncludlng Adam puL LogeLher
Why canL 1ashl come Lo school? she asked me When l Lold her Lhe Cllnka donL belleve ln
educaLlng glrls she sald qulck as a flash 1heyre llke whlLe people aL home who donL wanL colored
people Lo learn
Ch shes sharp Celle AL Lhe end of Lhe day when 1ashl can geL away from all Lhe chores her
moLher asslgns her she and Cllvla secreL Lhemselves ln my huL and everyLhlng Cllvla has learned she
shares wlLh 1ashl 1o Cllvla rlghL now 1ashl alone ls Afrlca
1he Afrlca she came beamlng across Lhe ocean hoplng Lo flnd LveryLhlng else ls dlfflculL for her
1he lnsecLs for lnsLance lor some reason all of her blLes Lurn lnLo deep runny sores and she
has a loL of Lrouble sleeplng aL nlghL because Lhe nolses from Lhe foresL frlghLen her lL ls Laklng a long
Llme for her Lo become used Lo Lhe food whlch ls nourlshlng buL for Lhe mosL parL lndlfferenLly
prepared
1he women of Lhe vlllage Lake Lurns cooklng for us and some are cleaner and more
consclenLlous Lhan oLhers Cllvla geLs slck from Lhe food prepared by any of Lhe chlefs wlves Samuel
Lhlnks lL may be Lhe waLer Lhey use whlch comes from a separaLe sprlng LhaL runs clear even ln Lhe dry
season 8uL Lhe resL of us have no lll effecLs lL ls as lf Cllvla fears Lhe food from Lhese wlves because
Lhey all look so unhappy and work so hard Whenever Lhey see her Lhey Lalk abouL Lhe day when she wlll
become Lhelr llLLlesL slsLer/wlfe lL ls [usL a [oke and Lhey llke her buL l wlsh Lhey wouldnL say lL Lven
Lhough Lhey are unhappy and work llke donkeys Lhey sLlll Lhlnk lL ls an honor Lo be Lhe chlefs wlfe Pe
walks around all day holdlng hls belly up and Lalklng and drlnklng palm wlne wlLh Lhe healer
Why do Lhey say l wlll be a wlfe of Lhe chlef? asks Cllvla
1haL ls as hlgh as Lhey can Lhlnk l Lell her
Pe ls faL and shlny wlLh huge perfecL LeeLh She Lhlnks she has nlghLmares abouL hlm
?ou wlll grow up Lo be a sLrong ChrlsLlan woman l Lellher Someone who helps her people Lo
advance ?ou wlll be a Leacher or a nurse ?ou wlll Lravel ?ou wlll know many people greaLer Lhan Lhe
chlef
Wlll 1ashl? she wanLs Lo know
?es l Lell her 1ashl Loo
Corrlne sald Lo me Lhls mornlng neLLle Lo sLop any klnd of confuslon ln Lhe mlnds of Lhese
people l Lhlnk we should call one anoLher broLher and slsLer all Lhe 164 Llme Some of Lhem canL seem
Lo geL lL Lhrough Lhelr Lhlck skulls LhaL you are noL Samuels oLher wlfe l donL llke lL she sald
AlmosL slnce Lhe day we arrlved lve noLlced a change ln Corrlne She lsnL slck She works as
hard as ever She ls sLlll sweeL and goodnaLured 8uL someLlmes l sense her splrlL ls belng LesLed and
LhaL someLhlng lnher ls noL aL resL
1haLs flne l sald lm glad you broughL lL up
And donL leL Lhe chlldren call you Mama neLLle she sald even hl play
1hls boLhered me a llLLle buL l dldnL say anyLhlng 1he chlldren do call me Mama neLLle
someLlmes because l do a good blL of fusslng over Lhem 8uL l never Lry Lo Lake Corrlnes place
And anoLher Lhlng she sald l Lhlnk we oughL Lo Lry noL Lo borrow each oLhers cloLhes
Well she never borrowed anyLhlng of mlne because l donL have much 8uL lm all Lhe Llme
borrowlng someLhlng of hers
?ou feellng yourself? l asked her
She sald yes
l wlsh you could see my huL Celle l lovelL unllke our school whlch ls square and unllke our
church whlch doesnL have walls? aL leasL durlng Lhe dry season? my huL ls round walled wlLh a round
roofleaf roof lL ls LwenLy sLeps across Lhe mlddle and flLs me Lo a 1 Cver Lhe mud walls l have hung
Cllnka plaLLers and maLs and pleces of Lrlbal cloLh 1he Cllnka are known for Lhelr beauLlful coLLon fabrlc
whlch Lhey handweave and dye wlLh berrles clay lndlgo and Lree bark 1hen Lhere ls my paraffln camp
sLove ln Lhe cenLer and my camp bed Lo one slde covered wlLh mosqulLo neLLlng so LhaL lL almosL looks
Llke Lhe bed of a brlde
1hen l have a small wrlLlng Lable where l wrlLe Lo you a lamp and a sLool Some wonderful rush
maLs on Lhe floor lL ls all colorful and warm and homey My only deslre for lL now ls a wlndow!
none of Lhe vlllage huLs have wlndows and when l spoke of a wlndow Lo Lhe women Lhey
laughed hearLlly 1he ralny season makes Lhe LhoughL of a wlndow rldlculous apparenLly 8uL l am
deLermlned Lo have one even lf a flood collecLs dally on my floor
l would glve anyLhlng for a plcLure of you Celle ln my Lrunk l have plcLures donaLed Lo us by Lhe
mlsslonary socleLles ln Lngland and Amerlca lcLures of ChrlsL Lhe AposLles Mary Lhe Cruclflxlon
Speke LlvlngsLone SLanley SchwelLzer Maybe one day lll puL Lhem up buL once when l held Lhem up
Lo my fabrlc and maL covered walls Lhey made me feel very small and unhappy so l Look Lhem down
Lven Lhe plcLure of ChrlsL whlch generally looks good anywhere looks pecullar here We of course have
all of Lhese plcLures hung ln Lhe school and many of ChrlsL behlnd Lhe alLar aL Lhe church 1haL ls
enough l Lhlnk Lhough Samuel and Corrlne have plcLures and rellcs (crosses) ln Lhelr huL as well

?our slsLer

neLLle

1ashls moLher and faLher were [usL here 1hey are upseL because she spends so much Llme wlLh
Cllvla She ls changlng becomlng quleL and Loo LhoughLful Lhey say She ls becomlng someone else her
face ls beglnnlng Lo show Lhe splrlL of one of her aunLs who was sold Lo Lhe Lrader because she no longer
flL lnLo vlllage llfe 1hls aunL refused Lo marry Lhe man chosen for her 8efused Lo bow Lo Lhe chlef uld
noLhlng buL lay up crack cola nuLs beLween her LeeLh and glggle
1hey wanL Lo know whaL Cllvla and 1ashl do ln my huL when all Lhe oLher llLLle glrls are busy
helplng Lhelr moLhers
ls 1ashl lazy aL home? l asked
1he faLher looked aL Lhe moLher She sald no on Lhe conLrary 1ashl works harder Lhan mosL
glrls her age And ls qulcker Lo flnlsh her work 8uL lL ls only because she wlshes Lo spend her afLernoons
wlLh Cllvla She learns everyLhlng l Leach her as lf she already knows lL sald Lhe moLher buL Lhls
knowledge does noL really enLer her soul
1he moLher seemed puzzled and afrald
1he faLher angry
l LhoughL Aha 1ashl knows she ls learnlng a way of llfe she wlll never llve 8uL l dld noL say Lhls
1he world ls changlng l sald lL ls no longer a world [usL for boys and men
Cur women are respecLed here sald Lhe faLher We would never leL Lhem Lramp Lhe world as
Amerlcan women do 1here ls always someone Lo look afLer Lhe Cllnka woman A faLher An uncle A
broLher or nephew uo noL be offended SlsLer neLLle buL our people plLy women such as you who are
casL ouL we know noL from where lnLo a world unknown Lo you where you musL sLruggle all alone for
yourself
So l am an ob[ecL of plLy and conLempL l LhoughL Lo men and women allke
lurLhermore sald 1ashls faLher we are noL slmpleLons We undersLand LhaL Lhere are places ln
Lhe world where women llve dlfferenLly from Lhe way our women do buL we do noL approve of Lhls
dlfferenL way for our chlldren
8uL llfe ls changlng even ln Cllnka l sald We are here
Pe spaL on Lhe ground WhaL are you? 1hree grownups and Lwo chlldren ln Lhe ralny season
some of you wlll probably dle ?ou people do noL lasL long ln our cllmaLe lf you do noL dle you wlll be
weakened by lllness Ch yes We have seen lL all before ?ou ChrlsLlans come here Lry hard Lo change
us geL slck and go back Lo Lngland or wherever you come from Cnly Lhe Lrader on Lhe coasL remalns
and even he ls noL Lhe same whlLe man year ln and year ouL We know because we send hlm women
1ashl ls very lnLelllgenL l sald She could be a Leacher A nurse She could help Lhe people ln Lhe
vlllage
1here ls no place here for a woman Lo do Lhose Lhlngs he sald
1hen we should leave l sald SlsLer Corrlne and l
no no he sald
1each only Lhe boys? l asked
?es he sald as lf my quesLlon was agreemenL
1here ls a way LhaL Lhe men speak Lo women LhaL remlnds me Loo much of a 1hey llsLen [usL
long enough Lo lssue lnsLrucLlons
1hey donL even look aL women when women are speaklng 1hey look aL Lhe ground and bend
Lhelr heads Loward Lhe ground 1he women also do noL look ln a mans face as Lhey say 1o look ln a
mans face ls a brazen Lhlng Lo do 1hey look lnsLead aL hls feeL or hls knees And whaL can l say Lo Lhls?
Agaln lL ls our own behavlor around a
nexL Llme 1ashl appears aL your gaLe you wlll send her sLralghL home her faLher sald 1hen he
smlled ?our Cllvla can vlslL her and learn whaL women are for
l smlled also Cllvla musL learn Lo Lake her educaLlon abouL llfe where she can flnd lL l LhoughL
Pls offer wlll make a splendld opporLunlLy
Coodbye unLll Lhe nexL Llme dear Celle from a plLlful casLouL woman who may perlsh durlng
Lhe ralny season

?our lovlng slsLer

neLLle

AL flrsL Lhere was Lhe falnLesL sound of movemenL ln Lhe foresL A klnd of low hummlng 1hen
Lhere was chopplng and Lhe sound of dragglng 1hen a scenL some days of smoke 8uL now afLer Lwo
monLhs durlng whlch l or Lhe chlldren or Corrlne has been slck all we hear ls chopplng and scraplng and
dragglng And every day we smell smoke
1oday one of Lhe boys ln my afLernoon class bursL ouL as he enLered 1he road approaches! 1he
road approaches! Pe had been hunLlng hl Lhe foresL wlLh hls faLher and seen lL
Lvery day now Lhe vlllagers gaLher aL Lhe edge of Lhe vlllage near Lhe cassava flelds and waLch
Lhe bulldlng of Lhe road And waLchlng Lhem some on Lhelr sLools and some squaLLed down on Lhelr
haunches all chewlng cola nuLs and maklng paLLerns ln Lhe dlrL l feel a greaL surge of love for Lhem lor
Lhey do noL approach Lhe roadbullders empLyhandedly Ch no Lach day slnce Lhey saw Lhe roads
approach Lhey have been sLufflng Lhe roadbullders wlLh goaL meaL mllleL mush baked yam and cassava
cola nuLs and palm wlne Lach day ls llke a plcnlc and l belleve many frlendshlps have been made
alLhough Lhe roadbullders are from a dlfferenL Lrlbe some dlsLance Lo Lhe norLh and nearer Lhe coasL
and Lhelr language ls somewhaL dlfferenL l donL undersLand lL anyway Lhough Lhe people of Cllnka
seem Lo 8uL Lhey are clever people abouL mosL Lhlngs and undersLand new Lhlngs very qulckly
lL ls hard Lo belleve weve been here flve years 1lme moves slowly buL passes qulckly Adam
and Cllvla are nearly as Lall as me and dolng very well ln all Lhelr sLudles Adam has a speclal apLlLude for
flgures and lL worrles Samuel LhaL soon he wlll have noLhlng more Lo Leach hlm ln Lhls fleld havlng
exhausLed hls own knowledge
When we were ln Lngland we meL mlsslonarles who senL Lhelr chlldren back home when lL was
no longer posslble Lo Leach Lhem ln Lhe bush 8uL lL ls hard Lo lmaglne llfe here wlLhouL Lhe chlldren
1hey love Lhe open feellng of Lhe vlllage and love llvlng hl huLs 1hey are exclLed by Lhe hunLlng
experLlse of Lhe men and Lhe selfsufflclency of Lhe women ln ralslng Lhelr crops no maLLer how down l
may be and someLlmes l geL very down lndeed a hug from Cllvla or Adam compleLely resLores me Lo
Lhe level of funcLlonlng lf noLhlng else 1helr moLher and l are noL as close as we once were buL l feel
more llke Lhen aunL Lhan ever And Lhe Lhree of us look more and more allke every day
AbouL a monLh ago Corrlne asked me noL Lo lnvlLe Samuel Lo my huL unless she were presenL
She sald lL gave Lhe vlllagers Lhe wrong ldea 1hls was a real blow Lo me because l Lreasure hls company
Slnce Corrlne almosL never vlslLs me herself l wlll have hardly anybody Lo Lalk Lo [usL ln frlendshlp 8uL
Lhe chlldren sLlll come and someLlmes spend Lhe nlghL when Lhelr parenLs wanL Lo be alone l love Lhose
Llmes We roasL groundnuLs on my sLove slL on Lhe floor and sLudy maps of all Lhe counLrles ln Lhe
world SomeLlmes 1ashl comes over and Lells sLorles LhaL are popular among Lhe Cllnka chlldren l am
encouraglng her and Cllvla Lo wrlLe Lhem down ln Cllnka and Lngllsh
lL wlll be good pracLlce forLhem Cllvla feels LhaL compared Lo 1ashl she has no good sLorles Lo
Lell Cne day she sLarLed ln on an uncle 8emus Lale only Lo dlscover 1ashl had Lhe orlglnal verslon of lL!
Per llLLle face [usL fell 8uL Lhen we goL lnLo a dlscusslon of how 1ashls peoples sLorles goL Lo Amerlca
whlch fasclnaLed 1ashl She crled when Cllvla Lold how her grandmoLher had been LreaLed as a slave
no one else hl Lhls vlllage wanLs Lo hear abouL slavery however 1hey acknowledge no
responslblllLy whaLsoever 1hls ls one Lhlng abouL Lhem LhaL l deflnlLely do noL llke
We losL 1ashls faLher durlng Lhe lasL ralny season Pe fell lll wlLh malarla and noLhlng Lhe healer
concocLed saved hlm Pe refused Lo Lake Lhe medlclne we use for lL or Lo leL Samuel vlslL nun aL all lL
was my flrsL Cllnka funeral 1he women palnL Lhelr faces whlLe and wear whlLe shroudllke garmenLs and
cry ln a hlgh keenlngvolce 1hey wrapped Lhe body hl barkcloLh and burled lL under a blg Lree ln Lhe
foresL 1ashl was hearLbroken All her young llfe she has Lrled Lo please her faLher never qulLe reallzlng
LhaL as a glrl she never could 8uL Lhe deaLh broughL her and her moLher closer LogeLher and now
CaLherlne feels llke one of us 8y one of us lmean me and Lhe chlldren and someLlmes Samuel She ls sLlll
ln mournlng and sLlcklng close Lo her huL buL she says she wlll noL marry agaln (slnce she already has
flve boy chlldren she can now do whaLever she wanLs She has become an honorary man) and when l
wenL Lo vlslL her she madelL very clear LhaL 1ashl musL conLlnue Lo learn She ls Lhe mosL lndusLrlous of
all 1ashls faLhers wldows and her flelds are pralsed for Lhelr cleanllness producLlvlLy and general
aLLracLlveness erhaps l can help her wlLh her work lL ls ln work LhaL Lhe women geL Lo know and care
abouL each oLher lL was Lhrough work LhaL CaLherlne became frlends wlLh her husbands oLher wlves
1hls frlendshlp among women ls someLhlng Samuel ofLen Lalks abouL 8ecause Lhe women share
a husband buL Lhe husband does noL share Lhelr frlendshlps lL makes Samuel uneasy lL lsconfuslng l
suppose And lL ls Samuels duLy as a ChrlsLlan mlnlsLer Lo preach Lhe blbles dlrecLlve of one husband
and one wlfe Samuel ls confused because Lo hlm slnce Lhe women are frlends and wlll do anyLhlng for
one anoLher? noL always buL more ofLen Lhan anyone from Amerlca would expecL? and slnce Lhey
glggle and gosslp and nurse each oLhers chlldren Lhen Lhey musL be happy wlLh Lhlngs as Lhey are 8uL
many of Lhe women rarely spend Llme wlLh Lhelr husbands Some of Lhem were promlsed Lo old or
mlddleaged men aL blrLh 1helr hves always cenLer around work and Lhelr chlldren and oLher women
(slnce a woman cannoL really have a man for a frlend wlLhouL Lhe worsL klnd of osLraclsm and gosslp)
1hey lndulge Lhelr husbands lf anyLhlng ?ou should [usL see how Lhey make admlraLlon over Lhem
ralse Lhelr smallesL accompllshmenLs SLuff Lhem wlLh palm wlne and sweeLs no wonder Lhe men are
ofLen chlldlsh And a grown chlld ls a dangerous Lhlng especlally slnce among Lhe Cllnka Lhe husband
has llfe and deaLh power over Lhe wlfe lf he accuses one of hls wlves of wlLchcrafL or lnfldellLy she can
be kllled
1hank Cod (and someLlmes Samuels lnLervenLlon) Lhls has noL happened slnce weve been
here 8uL Lhe sLorles 1ashl Lells are ofLen abouL such gruesome evenLs LhaL happened ln Lhe recenL pasL
And Cod forbld LhaL Lhe chlld of a favorlLe wlfe should fall lll! 1haL ls Lhe polnL aL whlch even Lhe
womens frlendshlps break down as each woman fears Lhe accusaLlon of sorcery from Lhe oLher or
from Lhe husband
Merry ChrlsLmas Lo you and yours dear Celle We celebraLe lL here on Lhe dark conLlnenL
wlLh prayer and song and a large plcnlc compleLe wlLh waLermelon fresh frulL punch and barbecue!

Cod bless you

neLLle

l meanL Lo wrlLe you ln Llme for LasLer buL lL was noL a good Llme for me and l dld noL wanL Lo
burden you wlLh any dlsLresslng news So a whole year has gone by 1he flrsL Lhlng l should Lell you
abouL ls Lhe road 1he road flnally reached Lhe cassava flelds abouL nlne monLhs ago and Lhe Cllnka
who love noLhlng beLLer Lhan a celebraLlon ouLdld Lhemselves preparlng a feasL for Lhe roadbullders
who Lalked and laughed and cuL Lhelr eyes aL Lhe Cllnka women Lhe whole day ln Lhe evenlng many
were lnvlLed lnLo Lhe vlllage lLself and Lhere was merrymaklng far lnLo Lhe nlghL
l Lhlnk Afrlcans are very much llke whlLe people back home ln LhaL Lhey Lhlnk Lhey are Lhe
cenLer of Lhe unlverse and LhaL everyLhlng LhaL ls done ls done for Lhem 1he Cllnka deflnlLely hold Lhls
vlew And so Lhey naLurally LhoughL Lhe road belng bullL was for Lhem And ln facL Lhe roadbullders
Lalked much of how qulckly Lhe Cllnka wlll now be able Lo geL Lo Lhe coasL WlLh a Larmac road lL ls only
a Lhreeday [ourney 8y blcycle lL wlll be even less Cf course no one ln Cllnka owns a blcycle buL one of
Lhe roadbullders has one and all Lhe Cllnka men coveL lL and Lalk of someday soon purchaslng Lhelr
own
Well Lhe mornlng afLer Lhe road was flnlshed as far as Lhe Cllnka were concerned (afLer all lL
had reached Lhelr vlllage) whaL should we dlscover buL LhaL Lhe roadbullders were back aL work 1hey
have lnsLrucLlons Lo conLlnue Lhe road for anoLher LhlrLy mlles! And Lo conLlnue lL on lLs presenL course
rlghL Lhrough Lhe vlllage of Cllnka 8y Lhe Llme we were ouL of bed Lhe road was already belng dug
Lhrough CaLherlnes newly planLed yam fleld Cf course Lhe Cllnka were up ln arms 8uL Lhe roadbullders
were llLerally up ln arms 1hey had guns Celle wlLh orders Lo shooL!
lL was plLlful Celle 1he people felL so beLrayed! 1hey sLood by helplessly? Lhey really donL
know how Lo flghL and rarely Lhlnk of lL slnce Lhe old days of Lrlbal wars? as Lhelr crops and Lhen Lhelr
very homes were desLroyed ?es 1he roadbullders dldnL devlaLe an lnch from Lhe plan Lhe headman
was followlng Lvery huL LhaL lay ln Lhe proposed roadpaLh was leveled And Celle our church our
school my huL all wenL down ln a maLLer of hours lorLunaLely we were able Lo save all of our Lhlngs
buL wlLh a Larmac road runnlng sLralghL Lhrough Lhe mlddle of lL Lhe vlllage lLself seems guLLed
lmmedlaLely afLer undersLandlng Lhe roadbullders lnLenLlons Lhe chlef seL off Loward Lhe coasL
seeklng explanaLlons and reparaLlons
1wo weeks laLer he reLurned wlLh even more dlsLurblng news 1he whole LerrlLory lncludlng Lhe
Cllnkas vlllage now belongs Lo a rubber manufacLurer ln Lngland As he neared Lhe coasL he was
sLunned Lo see hundreds and hundreds of vlllagers much llke Lhe Cllnka clearlng Lhe foresLs on each slde
of Lhe road and planLlng rubber Lrees 1he anclenL glanL mahogany Lrees all Lhe Lrees Lhe game
everyLhlng of Lhe foresL was belng desLroyed and Lhe land was forced Lo lle flaL he sald and bare as Lhe
palm of hls hand
AL flrsL he LhoughL Lhe people who Lold hlm abouL Lhe Lngllsh rubber company were mlsLaken lf
only abouL lLs LerrlLory lncludlng Lhe Cllnka vlllage 8uL evenLually he was dlrecLed Lo Lhe governors
manslon a huge whlLe bulldlng wlLh flags flylng ln lLs yard and Lhere had an audlence wlLh Lhe whlLe
man ln charge lL was Lhls man who gave Lhe roadbullders Lhelr orders Lhls man who knew abouL Lhe
Cllnka only from a map Pe spoke ln Lngllsh whlch our chlef Lrled Lo speak also
lL musL have been a paLheLlc exchange Cur chlef never learned Lngllsh beyond an occaslonal
odd phrase he plcked up from !oseph who pronounces Lngllsh
?anglush
8uL Lhe worsL was yeL Lo be Lold Slnce Lhe Cllnka no longer own Lhelr vlllage Lhey musL pay
renL for lL and ln order Lo use Lhe waLer whlch also no longer belongs Lo Lhem Lhey musL pay a waLer
Lax
AL flrsL Lhe people laughed lL really dld seem crazy 1heyve been here forever 8uL Lhe chlef dld
noL laugh
We wlll flghL Lhe whlLe man Lhey sald
8uL Lhe whlLe man ls noL alone sald Lhe chlef Pe has broughL hls army
1haL was several monLhs ago and so far noLhlng has happened 1he people llve llke osLrlches
never seLLlng fooL on Lhe new road lf Lhey can help lL and never ever looklng Lowards Lhe coasL We
have bullL anoLher church and school l have anoLher huL

And so we walL
Meanwhlle Corrlne has been very lll wlLh Afrlcan fever Many mlsslonarles ln Lhe pasL have dled
from lL
8uL Lhe chlldren are flne 1he boys now accepL Cllvla and 1ashl ln class and more moLhers are
sendlng Lhelr daughLers Lo school
1he men do noL llke lL who wanLs a wlfe who knows everyLhlng her husband knows? Lhey fume
8uL Lhe women have Lhelr ways and Lhey love Lhelr chlldren even Lhelr glrls
l wlll wrlLe more when Lhlngs sLarL looklng up l LrusL Cod Lhey wlll

?our slsLer

neLLle


1hls whole year afLer LasLer has been dlfflculL Slnce Corrlnes lllness all her work has fallen on
me and l musL nurse her as well whlch she resenLs
Cne day when l was changlng her as she lay ln bed she gave me a long mean buL somehow
plLlful look Why do my chlldren look llke you? she asked
uo you really Lhlnk Lhey look so much llke me? l sald
?ou could have splL Lhem ouL she sald
Maybe [usL llvlng LogeLher lovlng people makes Lhem look llke you l sald ?ou know how much
some old marrled people look allke
Lven Lhese women saw Lhe resemblance Lhe flrsL day we came she sald
And LhaLs worrled you all Lhls Llme? l Lrled Lo laugh lL off
8uL she [usL looked aL me
When dld you flrsL meeL my husband? she wanLed Lo know
And LhaL was when l knew whaL she LhoughL She 178 Lhlnks Adam and Cllvla are my chlldren
and LhaL Samuel ls Lhelr faLher!
Ch Celle Lhls Lhlng has been gnawlng away aL her all Lhese years!
l meL Samuel Lhe same day l meL you Corrlne l sald (l sLlll havenL goL Lhe hang of saylng
SlsLer all Lhe Llme) As Cod ls my wlLness LhaLs Lhe LruLh
8rlng Lhe blble she sald
l broughL Lhe blble and placed my hand on lL and swore
?ouve never known me Lo lle Corrlne l sald lease belleve l am noL lylng now
1hen she called Samuel and made hlm swear LhaL Lhe day she meL me was Lhe day he meL me
also
Pe sald l apologlze for Lhls SlsLer neLLle please forglve us
As soon as Samuel lefL Lhe room she made me ralse my dress and she saL up ln her slckbed Lo
examlne my sLomach
l felL so sorry for her and so humlllaLed Celle And Lhe way she LreaLs Lhe chlldren ls Lhe hardesL
parL She doesnL wanL Lhem near her whlch Lhey donL undersLand Pow could Lhey? 1hey donL even
know Lhey were adopLed
1he vlllage ls due Lo be planLed ln rubber Lrees Lhls comlng season 1he Cllnka hunLlng LerrlLory
has already been desLroyed and dle men musL go farLher and farLher away Lo flnd game 1he women
spend all Lhelr Llme ln Lhe flelds Lendlng Lhelr crops and praylng
1hey slng Lo Lhe earLh and Lo Lhe sky and Lo Lhelr cassava and groundnuLs Songs of love and
farewell
We are all sad here Celle l hope llfe ls happler for you

?our slsLer

Cuess whaL? Samuel LhoughL Lhe chlldren were mlne Loo! 1haL ls why he urged me Lo come Lo
Afrlca wlLh Lhem When l showed up aL Lhelr house he LhoughL l was followlng my chlldren and sofL
hearLed as he ls dldnL have Lhe hearL Lo Lurn me away
lf Lhey are noL yours be sald whose are Lhey?
8uL l had some quesLlons for hlm flrsL
Where dld you geL Lhem? l asked And Celle he Lold me a sLory LhaL made my hah sLand on
end l hope you poor Lhlng are ready for lL
Cnce upon a Llme Lhere was a wellLodo farmer who owned hls own properLy near Lown Cur
Lown Celle And as he dld so well fannlng and everyLhlng he Lurned hls hand Lo prospered he declded
Lo open a sLore and Lry hls luck selllng dry goods as well Well hls sLore dld so well LhaL he Lalked Lwo of
hls broLhers lnLo helplng hlm run lL and as Lhe monLhs wenL by Lhey were dolng beLLer and beLLer
1hen Lhe whlLe merchanLs began Lo geL LogeLher and complaln LhaL Lhls sLore was Laklng all Lhe black
buslness away from Lhem and Lhe mans blacksmlLh shop LhaL he seL up behlnd Lhe sLore was Laklng
some of Lhe whlLe 1hls would noL do And so one nlghL Lhe mans sLore was burned down hls smlLhy
desLroyed and Lhe man and hls Lwo broLhers dragged ouL of Lhelr homes ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe nlghL and
hanged
1he man had a wlfe whom he adored and Lhey had a llLLle glrl barely Lwo years old She was
also pregnanL wlLh anoLher chlld
When Lhe nelghbors broughL her husbands body home lL had been muLllaLed and burnL 1he
slghL of lL nearly kllled her and her second baby also a glrl was born aL Lhls Llme AlLhough Lhe wldows
body recovered her mlnd was never Lhe same She conLlnued Lo flx her husbands plaLe aL mealLlmes
[usL as shed always done and was always full of Lalk abouL Lhe plans she and her husband had made
1he nelghbors Lhough noL always lnLendlng Lo shunned her more and more parLly because Lhe plans
she Lalked abouL were grander Lhan anyLhlng Lhey could even concelve of for colored people and parLly
because her aLLachmenL Lo Lhe pasL was so plLlful She was a goodlooklng woman Lhough and sLlll
owned land buL Lhere was no one Lo work lL for her and she dldnL know how herself besldes she kepL
walLlng for her husband Lo flnlsh Lhe meal shed cooked for hlm and go Lo Lhe flelds hlmself Soon Lhere
was noLhlng Lo eaL LhaL Lhe nelghbors dld noL brlng and she and her small chlldren grubbed around ln
Lhe yard as besL Lhey could
Whlle Lhe second chlld was sLlll a baby a sLranger appeared ln Lhe communlLy and lavlshed all
hls aLLenLlon on Lhe wldow and her chlldren ln a shorL whlle Lhey were marrled AlmosL aL once she
was pregnanL a Lhlrd Llme Lhough her menLal healLh was no beLLer Lvery year LhereafLer she was
pregnanL every year she became weaker and more menLally unsLable unLll many years afLer she
marrled Lhe sLranger she dled
1wo years before she dled she had a baby glrl LhaL she was Loo slck Lo keep 1hen a baby boy
1hese chlldren were named Cllvla and Adam
1hls ls Samuels sLory almosL word for word
1he sLranger who marrled Lhe wldow was someone Samuel had run wlLh long before he found
ChrlsL When Lhe man showed up aL Samuels house wlLh flrsL Cllvla and Lhen Adam Samuel felL noL
only unable Lo refuse Lhe chlldren buL as lf Cod had answered hls and Corrlnes prayers
Pe never Lold Corrlne abouL Lhe man or abouL Lhe chlldrens moLher because he hadnL
wanLed any sadness Lo cloud her happlness
8uL Lhen ouL of nowhere l appeared Pe puL Lwo and Lwo LogeLher remembered LhaL hls old
runnlng buddy had always been a scamp and Look me ln wlLhouL any quesLlons Whlch Lo Lell Lhe LruLh
had always puzzled me buL l puL lL down Lo ChrlsLlan charlLy
Corrlne had asked me once wheLher l was runnlng away from home 8uL l explalned l was a blg
glrl now my famlly back home very large and poor and lL was Llme for me Lo geL ouL and earn my own
llvlng
1ears had soaked my blouse when Samuel flnlshed Lelllng me all Lhls l couldnL begln Lhen Lo
Lell hlm Lhe LruLh 8uL Celle l can fell you And l pray wlLh all my hearL LhaL you wlll geL Lhls leLLer lf
none of Lhe oLhers
a ls noL our pa!

?our devoLed SlsLer

neLLle


1haLs lL say Shug ack your sLuff ?ou comlng back Lo 1ennessee wlLh me
8uL l feels daze
My daddy lynch My mama crazy All my llLLle halfbroLhers and slsLers no kln Lo me My chlldren
noL my slsLer and broLher a noL pa
?ou musL be sleep
lor Lhe flrsL Llme ln my llfe l wanLed Lo see a So me and Shug dress up ln our new blue flower
panLs LhaL maLch and blg floppy LasLer haLs LhaL maLch Loo cepL her roses red mlne yellow and us dam
hl Lhe ackard and gllde over Lhere 1hey puL ln paved roads all up and down Lhe counLy now and
LwenLy mlles go llke noLhlng
l saw a once slnce l lefL home Cne day me and Mr??? was loadlng up Lhe wagon aL Lhe feed
sLore a was wlLh May Lllen and she was Lrylng Lo flx her sLocklng She was benL down over her leg and
LwlsLlng Lhe sLocklng lnLo a knoL above her knee and he was sLandlng over her LapLapLapplng on Lhe
gravel wlLh hls cane Look llke he was Lhlnklng bouL hlLLlng her wlLh lL
Mr??? wenL up Lo Lhem all frlendly wlLh hls hand sLuck ouL buL l kepL loadlng Lhe wagon and
looklng aL Lhe paLLerns on Lhe sacks l never LhoughL ld ever wanL Lo see hlm agaln
Well lL was a brlghL Sprlng day sorL of chlll aL flrsL llke lL be round LasLer and Lhe flrsL Lhlng us
noLlce soon as we Lurn lnLo Lhe lane ls how green everyLhlng ls llke even Lhough Lhe ground everywhere
else noL wanned up good as land ls warm and ready Lo go 1hen all along Lhe road Lheres LasLer lllles
and [onqulls and daffodlls and all klnds of llLLle early wlldflowers 1hen us noLlce all Lhe blrds slnglng
Lhey llLLle cans off all up and down Lhe hedge LhaL lLself ls puLLlng ouL llLLle yellow flowers smell llke
vlrglnla creeper lL all so dlfferenL from Lhe resL of Lhe counLry us drlve Lhrough lL make us real quleL l
know Lhls sound funny neLLle buL even Lhe sun seemed Lo sLand a llLLle longer over our heads
Well say Shug all Lhls ls preLLy enough ?ou never sald how preLLy lL was
lL wasnL Lhls preLLy l say Lvery LasLer Llme lL used Lo flood and all us chlldren had colds
Anyhow l say us sLuck close Lo Lhe house and lL sure alnL so hoL
1haL alnL so hoL? she asL as we swung up a long curvlng hlll l dldnL remember rlghL up Lo a blg
yellow Lwo sLory house wlLh green shuLLers and a sLeep green shlngle roof
l laughed us musL have Look Lhe wrong Lurn l say 1hls some whlLe persons house
lL was so preLLy Lhough LhaL us sLop Lhe car and [usL seL looklng aL lL
WhaL klnd of Lrees all Lhem flowerlng? asL Shug
l donL know l say Look llke peach plum apple maybe cherry 8uL whaLever Lhey ls Lhey sure
preLLy
All round Lhe house all ln back of lL noLhlng buL bloomlng Lrees 1hen more lllles and [onqulls
and roses clammlng over everyLhlng
And all Lhe Llme Lhe llLLle blrds from all over Lhe resL of Lhe counLy slL up ln Lhese Lrees [usL golng
Lo Lown
llnally afLer us look aL lL awhlle l say lL so quleL nobody home l guess
naw say Shug probably ln church A nlce brlghL Sunday llke Lhls
us beLLer leave Lhen l say before whoever lL ls llves here glLs back 8uL [usL as l say LhaL l noLlce
my eye ls sLaylng on a flg Lree lL recognlze and us hear a car Lurnlng up Lhe drlve Who should be ln Lhe
car buL a and some young glrl look llke hls chlld
Pe glL ouL on hls slde Lhen go round Lo open Lhe door for her She dress Lo klll ln a plnk sulL blg
plnk haL and plnk shoes a llLLle plnk purse hanglng on her arm 1hey look aL our llcense Lag and Lhen
come up Lo Lhe car She puL her hand Lhrough hls arm
Mornlng he says when he glLs up Lo Shugs wlndow
Mornlng she says slow and l can Lell he noL whaL she expecL
AnyLhlng l can do for you? Pe alnL noLlce me and probably wouldnL even lf he looked aL me
Shug say under her breaLh ls Lhls hlm?
l say ?eah
WhaL shock Shug and shock me Loo ls how young he look Pe look older Lhan Lhe chlld he wlLh
even lf she ls dress up llke a woman buL he look young for somebody Lo be anybody LhaL goL grown
chlldren and nearly grown grandchlldren 8uL Lhen l remember he noL my daddy [usL my chlldren
daddy
WhaL your mama do asL Shug rob Lhe cradle?
8uL he noL so young
l broughL Celle say Shug ?our daughLer Celle She wanLed Lo vlslL you CoL some quesLlons Lo
asL
Pe seem Lo Lhlnk back a second Celle? he say Llke Who Celle? 1hen he say ?all glL ouL and
come up on Lhe porch ualsy he say Lo Lhe llLLle woman wlLh hlm go Lell PeLLy Lo hold dlnner She
squeeze hls arm reach up and klss hlm on Lhe [aw Pe Lurn hls head and waLch her go up Lhe walk up
Lhe sLeps and Lhrough Lhe fronL door Pe follow us up Lhe sLeps up on Lhe porch help us pull ouL
rocklng chalrs Lhen say now whaL yall wanL?
1he chlldren here? l asL
WhaL chlldren? he say 1hen he laugh Ch Lhey gone wlLh Lhey mama She up and lefL me you
know WenL back Lo her folks ?eah he say you would remember May Lllen
Why she leave? l asL
Pe laugh some more CoL Loo old for me l reckon
1hen Lhe llLLle woman come back ouL and slL on Lhe armresL of hls chalr Pe Lalk Lo us and fondle
her arm
1hls ualsy he say My new wlfe
Why say Shug you donL look more Lhan flfLeen
l alnL say ualsy
lm surprlse your people leL you marry
She shrug look aL a 1hey work for hlm she say Llve on hls land
lm her people now he say
l feels so slck l almosL gag neLLle ln Afrlca l say A mlsslonary She wroLe me LhaL you alnL our
real a
Well he say So now you know
ualsy look aL me wlLh plLy all over her face lL [usL llke hlm Lo keep LhaL from you she say Pe
Lold me how he broughL up Lwo llLLle glrls LhaL wasnL even hls she say l donL Lhlnk l really belleved lL
Llll now
naw he never Lold Lhem say Shug
WhaL a old sweeLle ple say ualsy klsslng hlm on Lop Lhe head Pe fondle and fondle her arm
Look aL me and grln
?our daddy dldnL know how Lo glL along he say WhlLefolks lynch hlm 1oo sad a sLory Lo Lell
plLlful llLLle growlng glrls he say Any man would have done whaL l done
Maybe noL say Shug
Pe look aL her Lhen look aL me Pe can Lell she know 8uL whaL do he care?
1ake me he say l know how Lhey ls 1he key Lo all of em ls money 1he Lrouble wlLh our people
ls as soon as Lhey goL ouL of slavery Lhey dldnL wanL Lo glve Lhe whlLe man noLhlng else 8uL Lhe facL ls
you goL Lo glve em someLhlng LlLher your money your land your woman or your ass So whaL l dld was
[usL rlghL off offer Lo glve em money 8efore l planLed a seed l made sure Lhls one and LhaL one knowed
one seed ouL of Lhree was planLed for hlm 8efore l ground a graln of wheaL Lhe same Lhlng And when l
opened up your daddys old sLore ln Lown l boughL me my own whlLe boy Lo run lL And whaL make lL so
good he say l boughL hlm wlLh whlLefolks money
Ask Lhe busy man your quesLlons Celle say Shug l Lhlnk hls dlnner geLLlng cold
Where my daddy burled l asL 1haL all l really wanL Lo know
nexL Lo your mammy he say
Any marker l asL
Pe look aL me llke lm crazy Lynched people donL glL no marker he say Llke Lhls someLhlng
everybody know
Mama goL one? l asL
Pe say naw
1he blrds slng [usL as sweeL when us leave as when us come 1hen look llke as soon as us Lurn
back on Lhe maln road Lhey sLop
8y Lhe Llme us goL Lo Lhe cemeLery Lhe sky gray
us look for Ma and a Pope for some scrap of wood LhaL say someLhlng 8uL us donL flnd
noLhlng buL weeds and cockleburrs and paper flowers fadlng on some of Lhe graves Shug plck up a old
horseshoe somebody horse lose us Look LhaL old horseshoe and us Lurned round and round LogeLher
unLll we were dlzzy enough Lo fall ouL and where us would have fell us sLuck Lhe horseshoe ln Lhe
ground Shug say us each oLhers peoples now and klss me
l woke up Lhls mornlng bound Lo Lell Corrlne and Samuel everyLhlng l wenL over Lo Lhelr huL and
pulled up a sLool nexL Lo Corrlnes bed Shes so weak by now LhaL all she can do ls Look unfrlendly? and l
could Lell l wasnL welcome
l sald Corrlne lm here Lo Lell you and Samuel Lhe LruLh
She sald Samuel already Lold me lf Lhe chlldren yours why dldnL you [usL say so?
Samuel sald now honey
She sald uonL now Poney me neLLle swore on Lhe blble Lo Lell me Lhe LruLh 1o Lell Cod Lhe
LruLh and she lled
Corrlne l sald l dldnL lle l sorL of Lurned my back more on Samuel and whlspered ?ou saw my
sLomach l sald
WhaL do l know abouL pregnancy she sald l never experlenced lL myself lor all l know women
may be able Lo rub ouL all Lhe slgns
1hey canL rub ouL sLreLch marks l sald SLreLch marks go rlghL lnLo Lhe skln and a womans
sLomach sLreLches enough so LhaL lL keeps a llLLle poL llke all Lhe women have here
She Lurned her face Lo Lhe wall
Corrlne l sald lm Lhe chlldrens aunL 1helr moLher ls my older slsLer Celle
1hen l Lold Lhem Lhe whole sLory Cnly Corrlne was sLlll noL convlnced
?ou and Samuel Lelllng so many lles who can belleve anyLhlng you say? she asked
?ouve goL Lo belleve neLLle sald Samuel 1hough Lhe parL abouL you and a was a real shock Lo
hlm
1hen l remembered whaL you Lold me abouL seelng Corrlne and Samuel and Cllvla ln Lown
when she was buylng cloLh Lo make her and Cllvla dresses and how you senL me Lo her because she was
Lhe only woman youd ever seen wlLh money l Lrled Lo make Corrlne remember LhaL day buL she
couldnL
She geLs weaker and weaker and unless she can belleve us and sLarL Lo feel someLhlng for her
chlldren l fear we wlll lose her
Ch Celle unbellef ls a Lerrlble Lhlng And so ls Lhe hurL we cause oLhers unknowlngly

ray for us

neLLle


Lvery day for Lhe pasL week lve been Lrylng Lo geL Corrlne Lo remember meeLlng you ln Lown l
know lf she can [usL recall your face she wlll belleve Cllvla (lf noL Adam) ls your chlld 1hey Lhlnk Cllvla
looks llke me buL LhaL ls only because l look llke you Cllvla has your face and eyes exacLly lL amazes
me LhaL Corrlne dldnL see Lhe resemblance
8emember Lhe maln sLreeL of Lown? l asked 8emember Lhe hlLchlng posL ln fronL of llnleys dry
goods sLore? 8emember how Lhe sLore smelLed llke peanuL shells?
She says she remembers all Lhls buL no men speaklng Lo her
1hen l remember her qullLs 1he Cllnka men make beauLlful qullLs whlch are full of anlmals and
blrds and people And as soon as Corrlne saw Lhem she began Lo make a qullL LhaL alLernaLed one
square of appllqued flgures wlLh one nlnepaLch block uslng Lhe cloLhes Lhe chlldren had ouLgrown and
some of her old dresses
l wenL Lo her Lrunk and sLarLed haullng ouL qullLs uonL Louch my Lhlngs sald Corrlne lm noL
gone yeL
l held up flrsL one and Lhen anoLher Lo Lhe llghL Lrylng Lo flnd Lhe flrsL one l remembered her
maklng And Lrylng Lo remember aL Lhe same Llme Lhe dresses she and Cllvla were wearlng Lhe flrsL
monLhs l llved wlLh Lhem
Aha l sald when l found whaL l was looklng for and lald Lhe qullL across Lhe bed
uo you remember buylng Lhls cloLh? l asked polnLlng Lo a flowered square And whaL abouL Lhls
checkered blrd?
She Lraced Lhe paLLerns wlLh her flnger and slowly her eyes fllled wlLh Lears
She was so much llke Cllvla! she sald l was afrald shed wanL her back So l forgoL her as soon as
l could All l leL myself Lhlnk abouL was how Lhe clerk LreaLed me! l was acLlng llke somebody because l
was Samuels wlfe and a Spelman Semlnary graduaLe and he LreaLed me llke any ordlnary nlgger Ch
my feellngs were hurL! And l was mad! And LhaLs whaL l LhoughL abouL even Lold Samuel abouL on Lhe
way home noL abouL your slsLer? whaL was her name?? Celle? noLhlng abouL her
She began Lo cry ln earnesL Me and Samuel holdlng her hands
uonL cry uonL cry l sald My slsLer was glad Lo see Cllvla wlLh you Clad Lo see her allve She
LhoughL boLh her chlldren were dead
oor Lhlng! sald Samuel And we saL Lhere Lalklng a 193 llLLle and holdlng on Lo each oLher unLll
Corrlne fell off Lo sleep
8uL Celle ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe nlghL she woke up Lurned Lo Samuel and sald l belleve And dled
anyway

?our SlsLer ln Sorrow

neLLle


!usL when l Lhlnk lve learned Lo llve wlLh Lhe heaL Lhe consLanL dampness even sLeamlness of
my cloLhes Lhe swamplness under my arms and beLween my legs my Mend comes And cramps and
aches and palns? buL l musL sLlll keep golng as lf noLhlng ls happenlng or be an embarrassmenL Lo
Samuel Lhe chlldren and myself noL Lo menLlon Lhe vlllagers who Lhlnk women who have Lhelr frlends
should noL even be seen
8lghL afLer her moLhers deaLh Cllvla goL herfrlend she and lashl Lend Lo each oLher ls my
guess noLhlng ls sald Lo me ln any evenL and l donL know how Lo brlng Lhe sub[ecL up Whlch feels
wrong Lo me buL lf you Lalk Lo an Cllnka glrl abouL her prlvaLe parLs her moLher and faLher wlll be
annoyed and lL ls very lmporLanL Lo Cllvla noL Lo be looked upon as an ouLslder AlLhough Lhe one rlLual
Lhey do have Lo celebraLe womanhood ls so bloody and palnful l forbld Cllvla Lo even Lhlnk abouL lL
uo you remember how scared l was when lL flrsL happened Lo me? l LhoughL l had cuL myself
8uL Lhank Cod you were Lhere Lo Lell me l was all rlghL
We burled Corrlne ln Lhe Cllnka way wrapped ln barkcloLh under a large Lree All of her sweeL
ways wenL wlLh her All of her educaLlon and a hearL lnLenL on dolng good She LaughL me so much! l
know l wlll mlss her always 1he chlldren were sLunned by Lhelr moLhers deaLh 1hey knew she was very
slck buL deaLh ls noL someLhlng Lhey Lhlnk abouL hl relaLlon Lo Lhelr parenLs or Lhemselves lL was a
sLrange llLLle processlon All of us hl our whlLe robes and wlLh our faces palnLed whlLe Samuel ls llke
someone losL l donL belleve Lheyve spenL a nlghL aparL slnce Lhelr marrlage
And how are you? dear SlsLer 1he years have come and gone wlLhouL a slngle word from you
Cnly Lhe sky above us do we hold hl common l look aL lL ofLen as lf somehow reflecLed from lLs
lmmenslLles l wlll one day flnd myself gazlng lnLo your eyes ?our dear large clean and beauLlful eyes
Ch Celle! My llfe here ls noLhlng buL work work work and worry WhaL glrlhood l mlghL have had
passed me by And l have noLhlng of my own no man no chlldren no close frlend excepL for Samuel
8uL l dohave chlldren Adam and Cllvla And l dohave frlends 1ashl and CaLherlne l even have a famlly?
Lhls vlllage whlch has fallen on such hard Llmes
now Lhe englneers have come Lo lnspecL Lhe LerrlLory 1wo whlLe men came yesLerday and
spenL a couple of hours sLrolllng abouL Lhe vlllage malnly looklng aL Lhe wells Such ls Lhe lnnaLe
pollLeness of Lhe Cllnka LhaL Lhey rushed abouL preparlng food for Lhem Lhough preclous llLLle ls lefL
slnce many of Lhe gardens LhaL flourlsh aL Lhls Llme of Lhe year have been desLroyed And Lhe whlLe men
saL eaLlng as lf Lhe food was beneaLh noLlce
lL ls undersLood by Lhe Cllnka LhaL noLhlng good ls 1 llkely Lo come fromLhe same persons who
desLroyed Lhelr houses buL cusLom dles hard l dld noL speak Lo Lhe men myself buL Samuel dld Pe sald
Lhelr Lalk was all of workers kllomeLers of land ralnfall seedllngs machlnery and whaLnoL Cne
seemed LoLally lndlfferenL Lo Lhe people around hlm? slmply eaLlng and Lhen smoklng and sLarlng off
lnLo Lhe dlsLance? and Lhe oLher somewhaL younger appeared Lo be enLhuslasLlc abouL learnlng Lhe
language 8efore he says lL dles ouL
l dld noL en[oy waLchlng Samuel speaklng Lo elLher of Lhem 1he one who hung on every word
or Lhe one who looked Lhrough Samuels head
Samuel gave me all of Corrlnes cloLhes and l need Lhem Lhough none of our cloLhlng ls sulLable
hl Lhls cllmaLe 1hls ls Lrue even of Lhe cloLhlng Lhe Afrlcans wear 1hey used Lo wear very llLLle buL Lhe
ladles of Lngland lnLroduced Lhe MoLher Pubbard a long cumbersome lllflLLlng dress compleLely
shapeless LhaL lnevlLably geLs dragged ln Lhe flre causlng burns aplenLy
l have never been able Lo brlng myself Lo wear one of Lhese dresses whlch all seem Lo have
been made wlLh glanLs ln mlnd so l was glad Lo have Corrlnes Lhlngs AL Lhe same Llme l dreaded
puLLlng Lhem on l remembered her saylng we should sLop wearlng each oLhers cloLhes And Lhe
memory palned me
Are you sure SlsLer Corrlne would wanL Lhls? l asked Samuel
?es SlsLer neLLle he sald 1ry noL Lo hold her fears agalnsL her AL Lhe end she undersLood and
belleved And forgave? whaLever Lhere was Lo forglve
l should have sald someLhlng sooner l sald
Pe asked me Lo Lell hlm abouL you and Lhe words poured ouL llke waLer l was dylng Lo Lell
someone abouL us l Lold hlm abouL my leLLers Lo you every ChrlsLmas and LasLer and abouL how much
lL would have meanL Lo us lf he had gone Lo see you afLer l lefL Pe was sorry he heslLaLed Lo become
lnvolved
lf only ld undersLood Lhen whaL l know now! he sald
8uL how could he? 1here ls so much we donL undersLand And so much unhapplness comes
because of LhaL love and Merry ChrlsLmas Lo you ?our slsLer neLLle l donL wrlLe Lo Cod no more l wrlLe
Lo you
WhaL happen Lo Cod? asL Shug
Who LhaL? l say
She look aL me serlous
8lg a devll as you ls l say you noL worrled bouL no Cod surely
She say WalL a mlnuLe Pold on [usL a mlnuLe here !usL because l donL harass lL llke some
peoples us know donL mean l alnL goL rellglon
WhaL Cod do for me? l asL
She say Celle! Llke she shock Pe gave you llfe good healLh and a good woman LhaL love you Lo
deaLh
?eah l say and he glve me a lynched daddy a crazy mama a lowdown dog of a sLep pa and a
slsLer l probably wonL ever see agaln
Anyhow l say Lhe Cod l been praylng and wrlLlng Lo ls a man And acL [usL Llke all Lhe oLher
mens l know 1rlfllng forglLful and lowdown
She say Mlss Celle ?ou beLLer hush Cod mlghL hear you
LeL lm hear me l say lf he ever llsLened Lo poor colored women Lhe world would be a dlfferenL
place l can Lell you
She Lalk and she Lalk Lrylng Lo budge me way from blasphemy 8uL l blaspheme much as l wanL
Lo
All my llfe l never care whaL people LhoughL bouL noLhlng l dld l say 8uL deep ln my hearL l care
abouL Cod WhaL he golng Lo Lhlnk And come Lo flnd ouL he donL Lhlnk !usL slL up Lhere glorylng ln
belng deef l reckon 8uL lL alnL easy Lrylng Lo do wlLhouL Cod Lven lf you know he alnL Lhere Lrylng Lo
do wlLhouL hlm ls a sLraln
l ls a slnner say Shug Cause l was born l donL deny lL 8uL once you flnd ouL whaLs ouL Lhere
walLlng for us whaL else can you be?
Slnners have more good Llmes l say
?ou know why? she asL
Cause you alnL all Lhe Llme worrylng bouL Cod l say
naw LhaL alnL lL she say us worry bouL Cod a loL 8uL once us feel loved by Cod us do Lhe besL
us can Lo please hlm wlLh whaL us llke
?ou Lelllng me Cod love you and you alnL never done noLhlng for hlm? l mean noL go Lo
church slng ln Lhe cholr feed Lhe preacher and all llke LhaL?
8uL lf Cod love me Celle l donL have Lo do all LhaL unless l wanL Lo 1heres a loL of oLher
Lhlngs l can do LhaL l speck Cod llkes
Llke whaL? l asL
Ch she say l can lay back and [usL admlre sLuff 8e happy Pave a good Llme
Well Lhls sound llke blasphemy sure mlff
She say Celle Lell Lhe LruLh have you ever found Cod ln church? l never dld l [usL found a
bunch of folks hoplng for hlm Lo show Any Cod l ever felL ln church l broughL ln wlLh me And l Lhlnk all
Lhe oLher folks dld Loo 1hey come Lo church Lo shareCod noL flnd Cod
Some folks dldnL have hlm Lo share l sald 1hey Lhe ones dldnL speak Lo me whlle l was Lhere
sLruggllng wlLh my blg belly and Mr??? chlldren
8lghL she say
1hen she say 1ell me whaL your Cod look llke Celle
Aw naw l say lm Loo shame nobody ever asL me Lhls before so lm sorL of Look by surprlse
8esldes when l Lhlnk abouL lL lL donL seem qulLe rlghL 8uL lL all l goL l declde Lo sLlck up for hlm [usL Lo
see whaL Shug say
Ckay l say Pe blg and old and Lall and graybearded and whlLe Pe wear whlLe robes and go
barefooLed
8lue eyes? she asL
SorL of blulshgray Cool 8lg Lhough WhlLe lashes l say
She laugh
Why you laugh? l asL l donL Lhlnk lL so funny WhaL you expecL hlm Lo look llke Mr????
1haL wouldnL be no lmprovemenL she say 1hen she Lell me Lhls old whlLe man ls Lhe same Cod
she used Lo see when she prayed
lf you walL Lo flnd Cod ln church Celle she say LhaLs who ls bound Lo show up cause LhaLs
where he llve
Pow come? l asL
Cause LhaLs Lhe one LhaLs ln Lhe whlLe folks whlLe blble
Shug! l say Cod wroLe Lhe blble whlLe folks had noLhlng Lo do wlLh lL
Pow come he look [usL llke Lhem Lhen? she say Cnly blgger? And a heap more halr Pow come
Lhe blble [usL llke everyLhlng else Lhey make all abouL Lhem dolng one Lhlng and anoLher and all Lhe
colored folks dolng ls glLLlng cursed?
l never LhoughL bouL LhaL
neLLle say somewhere ln Lhe blble lL say !esus halr was llke lambs wool l say
Well say Shug lf he came Lo any of Lhese churches we Lalklng bouL hed have Lo have lL conked
before anybody pald hlm any aLLenLlon
1he lasL Lhlng nlggers wanL Lo Lhlnk abouL Lhey Cod ls LhaL hls halr klnky
1haLs Lhe LruLh l say
AlnL no way Lo read Lhe blble and noL Lhlnk Cod whlLe she say 1hen she slgh When l found ouL
l LhoughL Cod was whlLe and a man l losL lnLeresL ?ou mad cause he donL seem Lo llsLen Lo your
prayers Pumph! uo Lhe mayor llsLen Lo anyLhlng colored say?
Ask Sofla she say
8uL l donL have Lo asL Sofla l know whlLe people never llsLen Lo colored perlod lf Lhey do Lhey
only llsLen long enough Lo be able Lo Lell you whaL Lo do
Peres Lhe Lhlng say Shug 1he Lhlng l belleve Cod ls lnslde you and lnslde everybody else ?ou
come lnLo Lhe world wlLh Cod
8uL only Lhem LhaL search for lL lnslde flnd lL And someLlmes lL [usL manlfesL lLself even lf you
noL looklng or donL know whaL you looklng for 1rouble do lL for mosL folks l Lhlnk Sorrow lord
leellng llke shlL
lL? l asL
?eah lL Cod alnL a he or a she buL a lL
8uL whaL do lL look llke? l asL
uonL look llke noLhlng she say lL alnL a plcLure show lL alnL someLhlng you can look aL aparL
from anyLhlng else lncludlng yourself l belleve Cod ls everyLhlng say Shug LveryLhlng LhaL ls or ever
was or ever wlll be And when you can feel LhaL and be happy Lo feel LhaL youve found lL
Shug a beauLlful someLhlng leL me Lell you She frown a llLLle look ouL cross Lhe yard lean back
ln her chalr look llke a blg rose
She say My flrsL sLep from Lhe old whlLe man was Lrees 1hen alr 1hen blrds 1hen oLher
people 8uL one day when l was slLLlng quleL and feellng llke a moLherless chlld whlch l was lL come Lo
me LhaL feellng of belng parL of everyLhlng noL separaLe aL all l knew LhaL lf l cuL a Lree my arm would
bleed And l laughed and l crled and l run all around Lhe house l knew [usL whaL lL was ln facL when lL
happen you canL mlss lL lL sorL of llke you know whaL she say grlnnlng and rubblng hlgh up on my
Lhlgh
Shug! lsay
Ch she say Cod love all Lhem feellngs 1haLs some of Lhe besL sLuff Cod dld And when you
know Cod loves em you en[oys em a loL more ?ou can [usL relax go wlLh everyLhlng LhaLs golng and
pralse Cod by llklng whaL you llke
Cod donL Lhlnk lL dlrLy? l asL
naw she say Cod made lL LlsLen Cod love everyLhlng you love? and a mess of sLuff you donL
8uL more Lhan anyLhlng else Cod love admlraLlon
?ou saylng Cod valn? l asL
naw she say noL valn [usL wanLlng Lo share a good Lhlng l Lhlnk lL plsses Cod off lf you walk by
Lhe color purple ln a fleld somewhere and donL noLlce lL
WhaL lL do when lL plssed off? l asL
Ch lL make someLhlng else eople Lhlnk pleaslng Cod ls all Cod care abouL 8uL any fool llvlng
ln Lhe world can see lL always Lrylng Lo please us back
?eah? l say
?eah she say lL always maklng llLLle surprlses and sprlnglng Lhem on us when us leasL expecL
?ou mean lL wanL Lo be loved [usL llke Lhe blble say
?es Celle she say LveryLhlng wanL Lo be loved us slng and dance make faces and glve flower
bouqueLs Lrylng Lo be loved ?ou ever noLlce LhaL Lrees do everyLhlng Lo glL aLLenLlon we do excepL
walk?
Well us Lalk and Lalk bouL Cod buL lm sLlll adrlfL 1rylng Lo chase LhaL old whlLe man ouL of my
head l been so busy Lhlnklng bouL hlm l never Lruly noLlce noLhlng Cod make noL a blade of corn (how
lL do LhaL?) noL Lhe color purple (where lL come from?)
noL Lhe llLLle wlldflowers noLhlng
now LhaL my eyes openlng l feels llke a fool nexL Lo any llLLle scrub of a bush ln my yard
Mr???s evll sorL of shrlnk 8uL noL alLogeLher SLlll lL ls llke Shug say ?ou have Lo glL man off your
eyeball before you can see anyLhlng aLall
Man corrupL everyLhlng say Shug Pe on your box of grlLs ln your head and all over Lhe radlo
Pe Lry Lo make you Lhlnk he everywhere
Soon as you Lhlnk he everywhere you Lhlnk he Cod 8uL he alnL Whenever you Lrylng Lo pray
and man plop hlmself on Lhe oLher end of lL Lell hlm Lo glL losL say Shug Con[ure up flowers wlnd
waLer a blg rock
8uL Lhls hard work leL me Lell you Pe been Lhere so long he donL wanL Lo budge Pe LhreaLen
llghLenlng floods and earLhquakes
us flghL l hardly pray aL all Lvery Llme l con[ure up a rock l Lhrow lL

Amen

When l Lold Shug lm wrlLlng Lo you lnsLead of Lo Cod she laugh neLLle donL know Lhese
people she say Conslderlng who l been wrlLlng Lo Lhls sLrlke me funny
lL was Sofla you saw worklng as Lhe mayors mald 1he woman you saw carrylng Lhe whlLe
womans packages LhaL day ln Lown Sofla Mr???s son Parpos wlfe ollces lock her up for sasslng Lhe
mayors wlfe and hlLLlng Lhe mayor back llrsL she was hl prlson worklng hl Lhe laundry and dylng fasL
1hen us goL her move Lo Lhe mayors house She had Lo sleep hl a llLLle room up under Lhe house buL lL
was beLLer Lhan prlson llles maybe buL no raLs
Anyhow Lhey kepL her eleven and a half years glve her slx monLhs off for good behavlor so she
could come home early Lo her famlly
Per blgger chlldren marrled and gone and her llLLlesL chlldren mad aL her donL know who she
ls 1hlnk she acL funny look old and doLe on LhaL llLLle whlLe gal she ralse
?esLerday us all had dlnner aL Cdessas house Cdessa Soflas slsLer She ralse Lhe klds Per and
her husband !ack Parpos woman Squeak and Parpo hlmself
Sofla slL down aL Lhe blg Lable llke Lheres no room for her Chlldren reach cross her llke she noL
Lhere Parpo and Squeak acL llke a old marrled couple Chlldren call Cdessa mama Call Squeak llLLle
mama Call Sofla Mlss 1he only one seem Lo pay her any Lendon aL all ls Parpo and Squeaks llLLle glrl
Suzle C She slL cross from Sofla and squlnch up her eyes aL her
As soon as dlnner over Shug push back her chalr and llghL a clgareLLe now ls come Lhe Llme Lo
Lell yall she say
1ell us whaL? Parpo asL
us leavlng she say
?eah? say Parpo looklng round for Lhe coffee And Lhen looklng over aL Crady
us leavlng Shug say agaln Mr??? look sLruck llke he always look when Shug say she golng
anywhere Pe reach down and rub hls sLomach look off slde her head llke noLhlng been sald
Crady say Such good peoples LhaLs Lhe LruLh 1he salL of Lhe earLh 8uL? Llme Lo move on
Squeak noL saylng noLhlng She goL her chln glued Lo her plaLe lm noL saylng noLhlng elLher lm
walLlng for Lhe feaLhers Lo fly
Celle ls comlng wlLh us say Shug
Mr???s head swlvel back sLralghL Say whaL? he asL
Celle ls comlng Lo Memphls wlLh me
Cver my dead body Mr??? say
?ou saLlsfled LhaL whaL you wanL Shug say cool as clabber
Mr??? sLarL up from hls seaL look aL Shug plop back down agaln Pe look over aL me l LhoughL
you was flnally happy he say
WhaL wrong now?
?ou a lowdown dog ls whaLs wrong l say lLs Llme Lo leave you and enLer lnLo Lhe CreaLlon And
your dead body [usL Lhe welcome maL l need
Say whaL? he asL Shock
All round Lhe Lable folkses mouLhs be dropplng open
?ou Look my slsLer neLLle away from me l say And she was Lhe only person love me ln Lhe
world
Mr??? sLarL Lo spuLLer 8uL8uL8uL8uL8uL Sound llke some klnd of moLor
8uL neLLle and my chlldren comlng home soon l say And when she do all us LogeLher gon
whup your ass
neLLle and your chlldren! say Mr ___ ?ou Lalklng crazy
l goL chlldren l say 8elng broughL up ln Afrlca Cood schools loLs of fresh alr and exerclse
1urnlng ouL a heap beLLer Lhan Lhe fools you dldnL even Lry Lo ralse
Pold on say Parpo
Ch hold on hell l say lf you hadnL Lrled Lo rule over Sofla Lhe whlLe folks never would have
caughL her
Sofla so surprlse Lo hear me speak up she alnL chewed for Len mlnuLes
1haLs a lle say Parpo
A llLLle LruLh ln lL say Sofla
Lverybody look aL her llke Lhey surprlse she Lhere lL llke a volce speaklng from Lhe grave
?ou was all roLLen chlldren l say ?ou made my llfe a hell on earLh And your daddy here alnL
dead horses shlL
Mr??? reach over Lo slap me l [ab my case knlfe ln hls hand
?ou blLch he say WhaL wlll people say you runnlng off Lo Memphls llke you donL have a house
Lo look afLer?
Shug say AlberL 1ry Lo Lhlnk llke you goL some sense Why any woman glve a shlL whaL people
Lhlnk ls a mysLery Lo me
Well say Crady Lrylng Lo brlng llghL A woman canL glL a man lf peoples Lalk
Shug look aL me and us glggle 1hen us laugh sure mlff 1hen Squeak sLarL Lo laugh 1hen Sofla
All us laugh and laugh
Shug say AlnL Lhey someLhlng? us say um hum and slap Lhe Lable wlpe Lhe waLer from our
eyes
Parpo look aL Squeak ShuL up Squeak he say lL bad hlck for women Lo laugh aL men
She say Ckay She slL up sLralghL suck ln her breaLh Lry Lo press her face LogeLher
Pe look aL Sofla She look aL hlm and Lough ln hls face l already had my bad luck she say l had
enough Lo keep me laughlng Lhe resL of my llfe
Parpo look aL her llke he dld Lhe nlghL she knock Mary Agnes down A llLLle spark fly cross Lhe
Lable
l goL slx chlldren by Lhls crazy woman he muLLer
llve she say
Pe so ouLdone he canL even say Say whaL?
Pe look over aL Lhe youngesL chlld She sullen mean mlscheevous and Loo sLubborn Lo llve ln
Lhls world 8uL he love her besL of all Per name PenrleLLa
PenrleLLa he say
She say ?esssss llke Lhey say lL on Lhe radlo
LveryLhlng she say confuse hlm noLhlng he say 1hen he say Co glL me a cool glass of waLer
She donL move
lease he say
She go glL Lhe waLer puL lL by hls plaLe glve hlm a peck on Lhe cheek Say oor uaddy SlL back
down
?ou noL glLLlng a penny of my money Mr??? say Lo me noL one Lhln dlme
uld l ever asL you for money? l say l never asL you for noLhlng noL even for your sorry hand ln
marrlage
Shug break ln rlghL Lhere WalL she say Pold lL Somebody else golng wlLh us Loo no use ln
Celle belng Lhe only one Laklng Lhe welghL
Lverybody sorL of cuL Lhey eyes aL Sofla She Lhe one Lhey canL qulLe flnd a place for She Lhe
sLranger
lL alnL me she say and her look say luck you for enLerLalnlng Lhe LhoughL She reach for a
blsculL and sorL of rooL her behlnd deeper lnLo her seaL Cne look aL Lhls blg sLouL graylng wlldeyed
woman and you know noL even Lo asL noLhlng
8uL [usL Lo clear Lhls up neaL and qulck she say lm home erlod
Per slsLer Cdessa come and puL her arms round her !ack move up close
Course you ls !ack say
Mama crylng? asL one of Sofla chlldren
Mlss Sofla Loo anoLher one say
8uL Sofla cry qulck llke she do mosL Lhlngs
Who golng? she asL
nobody say noLhlng lL so quleL you can hear Lhe embers dylng back ln Lhe sLove Sound llke Lhey
falllng ln on each oLher
llnally Squeak look aL everybody from under her bangs Me she say lm golng norLh
?ou golng WhaL? say Parpo Pe so surprlse Pe begln Lo spuLLer spuLLer [usL llke hls daddy
Sound llke l donL know whaL
l wanL Lo slng say Squeak
Slng! say Parpo
?eah say Squeak Slng l alnL sung ln publlc slnce !olenLha was born Per name !olenLha 1hey
call her SuzleC
?ou alnL had Lo slng ln publlc slnce !olenLha was born LveryLhlng you need l done provlded for
l need Lo slng say Squeak
LlsLen Squeak say Parpo ?ou canL go Lo Memphls 1haLs all Lhere ls Lo lL
Mary Agnes say Squeak
Squeak Mary Agnes whaL dlfference do lL make?
lL make a loL say Squeak When l was Mary Agnes l could slng ln publlc
!usL Lhen a llLLle knock come on Lhe door
Cdessa and !ack look aL each oLher Come ln say !ack
A sklnny llLLle whlLe woman sLlck mosL of herself Lhrough Lhe door
Ch you all are eaLlng dlnner she say Lxcuse me
1haLs all rlghL say Cdessa us [usL flnlshlng up 8uL Lheres plenLy lefL Why donL you slL down
and [oln us Cr l could flx you someLhlng Lo eaL on Lhe porch
Ch lord say Shug
lL Lleanor !ane Lhe whlLe glrl Sofla used Lo work for
She look round Llll she spoL Sofla Lhen she seem Lo leL her breaLh ouL no Lhank you Cdessa
she say l alnL hungry l [usL come Lo see Sofla
Sofla she say Can l see you on Lhe porch for a mlnuLe
All rlghL Mlss Lleanor she say Sofla push back from Lhe Lable and Lhey go ouL on Lhe porch A
few mlnuLes laLer us hear Mlss Lleanor snlffllng 1hen she really boohoo
WhaL Lhe maLLer wlLh her? Mr ___ asL
PenrleLLa say robllmbszzzz llke somebody on Lhe radlo
Cdessa shrug She always underfooL she say
A loL of drlnklng ln LhaL famlly say !ack lus Lhey canL keep LhaL boy of Lhelrs ln college Pe geL
drunk aggravaLe hls slsLer chase women hunL nlggers and LhaL alnL all 1haL enough say Shug oor
Sofla
reLLy soon Sofla come back ln and slL down
WhaL Lhe maLLer? asL Cdessa
A loL of mess back aL Lhe house say Sofla
?ou goL Lo go back up Lhere? Cdessa asL
?eah say Sofla ln a few mlnuLes 8uL lll Lry Lo be back before Lhe chlldren go Lo bed
PenrleLLa asL Lo be excuse say she goL a sLomach ache
Squeak and Parpos llLLle glrl come over look up aL Sofla say ?ou goLLa go Mlsofla?
Sofla say ?eah pull her up on her lap Sofla on parole she say CoL Lo acL nlce
Suzle C lay her head on Sofla chesL oor Sofla she say [usL llke she heard Shug oor Sofla
Mary Agnes darllng say Parpo look how Suzle C Lake Lo Sofla
?eah say Squeak chlldren know good when Lhey see lL She and Sofla smlle aL one noLher
Co on slng say Sofla lll look afLer Lhls one Llll you come back
?ou wlll? say Squeak
?eah say Sofla
And look afLer Parpo Loo say Squeak lease maam

Amen

Well you know wherever Lheres a man Lheres Lrouble And lL seem llke golng Lo Memphls
Crady was all over Lhe car no maLLer whlch way us change up he wanL Lo slL nexL Lo Squeak
Whlle me and Shug sleeplng and he drlvlng he Lell Squeak all abouL llfe ln norLh Memphls
1ennessee l canL half sleep for hlm ravlng bouL clubs and cloLhes and forLynlne brands of beer 1alklng
so much bouL sLuff Lo drlnk make me have Lo pee 1hen us have Lo flnd a road golng off lnLo Lhe bushes
Lo relleve ourselves
Mr??? Lry Lo acL llke he donL care lm golng
?oull be back he say noLhlng up norLh for nobody llke you Shug goL LalenL he say She can
slng She goL spunk he say She can Lalk Lo anybody Shug goL looks he say She can sLand up and be
noLlce 8uL whaL you goL? ?ou ugly ?ou sklnny ?ou shape funny ?ou Loo scared Lo open your mouLh Lo
people All you flL Lo do ln Memphls ls be Shugs mald 1ake ouL her slop[ar and maybe cook her food
?ou noL LhaL good a cook elLher And Lhls house alnL been dean good slnce my flrsL wlfe dled And
nobody crazy or backward enough Lo wanL Lo marry you nelLher WhaL you gon do? Plre yourself ouL Lo
farm?
Pe laugh Maybe somebody leL you work on Lhey rallroad
Any more leLLers come? l asL
Pe say WhaL?
?ou heard me l say Any more leLLers from neLLle come?
lf Lhey dld he say l wouldnL glve em Lo you ?ou Lwo of a klnd he say A man Lry Lo be nlce Lo
you you fly ln hls face
l curse you l say
WhaL LhaL mean? he say
l say unLll you do rlghL by me everyLhlng you Louch wlll crumble
Pe laugh Who you Lhlnk you ls? he say ?ou canL curse nobody Look aL you ?ou black you
pore you ugly you a woman Coddam he say you noLhlng aL all
unLll you do rlghL by me l say everyLhlng you even dream abouL wlll fall l glve lL Lo hlm
sLralghL [usL llke lL come Lo me
And lL seem Lo come Lo me from Lhe Lrees
Whoever heard of such a Lhlng say Mr??? l probably dldnL whup your ass enough
Lvery llck you blL me you wlll suffer Lwlce l say 1hen l say ?ou beLLer sLop Lalklng because all
lm Lelllng you alnL comlng [usL from me Look llke when l open my mouLh Lhe alr rush ln and shape
words
ShlL he say l should have lock you up !usL leL you ouL Lo work
1he [all you plan for me ls Lhe one ln whlch you wlll roL l say
Shug come over Lo where us Lalklng She Lake one look aL my face and say Celle! 1hen she Lurn
Lo Mr??? SLop AlberL she say uonL say no more ?ou [usL golng Lo make lL harder on yourself
lll flx her wagon! say Mr??? and sprlng Loward me
A dusL devll flew up on Lhe porch beLween us flll my mouLh wlLh dlrL 1he dlrL say AnyLhlng you
do Lo me already done Lo you
1hen l feel Snug shake me Celle she say And l come Lo myself
lm pore lm black l may be ugly and canL cook a volce say Lo everyLhlng llsLenlng 8uL lm
here
Amen say Snug Amen amen
So whaL ls lL llke ln Memphls? Shugs house ls blg and plnk and look sorL of llke a barn CepL
where you would puL hay she goL bedrooms and LolleLs and a blg ballroom where she and her band
someLlme work She goL plenLy grounds round Lhe house and a bunch of monumenLs and a founLaln ouL
fronL She goL sLaLues of folks l never heard of and never hope Lo see She goL a whole bunch of
elephanLs and LurLles everywhere Some blg some llLLle some ln Lhe founLaln some up under Lhe Lrees
1lrLles and elephanLs
And all over her house CurLalns goL elephanLs bedspreads goL LurLles
Shug glve me a blg back bedroom overlook Lhe backyard and Lhe bushes down by Lhe creek
l know you use Lo mornlng sun she say
Per room rlghL cross from mlne ln Lhe shade She work laLe sleep laLe glL up laLe no LurLles or
elephanLs on her bedroom furnlLure buL a few sLaLues spread ouL round Lhe room She sleep ln sllks and
saLlns even her sheeLs And her bed round!
l wanLed Lo bulld me a round house say Shug buL everybody acL llke LhaLs backward ?ou canL
puL wlndows ln a round house Lhey say 8uL l made me up some plans anyway Cne of Lhese days she
say showlng me Lhe papers
lL a blg round plnk house look sorL of llke some klnd of frulL lL goL wlndows and doors and a loL
of Lrees round lL
WhaL lL made of? l asL
Mud she say 8uL l wouldnL mlnd concreLe l flgure you could make Lhe molds for each secLlon
pour Lhe concreLe ln leL lL geL hard knock off Lhe mold glue Lhe parLs LogeLher somehow and youd
have your house
Well l llke Lhls one you goL l say 1haL one look a llLLle small
lL alnL bad say Shug 8uL l [usL feel funny llvlng hl a square lf l was square Lhen l could Lake lL
beLLer she say
us Lalk bouL houses a loL Pow Lhey bullL whaL klnd of wood people use 1alk abouL how Lo
make Lhe ouLslde around your house someLhlng you can use l slL down on Lhe bed and sLarL Lo draw a
klnd of wood sklrL around her concreLe house ?ou can slL on Lhls l say when you geL Llred of belng ln
Lhe house
?eah she say and leLs puL awnlng over lL She Look Lhe pencll and puL Lhe wood sklrL ln Lhe
shade
llower boxes go here she say drawlng some
And geranlums ln Lhem l say drawlng some
And a few sLone elephanLs rlghL here she say
And a LurLle or Lwo rlghL here
And how us know you llve here Loo? she asL
uucks! lsay
8y Lhe Llme us flnlsh our house look llke lL can swlm or fly
nobody cook llke Shug when she cook She geL up early ln Lhe mornlng and go Lo markeL 216
8uy only sLuff LhaLs fresh 1hen she come home and slL on Lhe back sLep hummlng and shelllng peas or
cleanlng collards or flsh or whaLever she boughL 1hen she glL all her poLs golng aL once and Lurn on Lhe
radlo 8y one oclock everyLhlng ready and she call us Lo Lhe Lable Pam and greens and chlcken and
cornbread ChlLllns and blackeyed peas and souse lckled okra and waLermelon rlnd Caramel cake and
blackberry ple
us eaL and eaL and drlnk a llLLle sweeL wlne and beer Loo
1hen Shug and me go fall ouL ln her room Lo llsLen Lo muslc Llll all LhaL food have a chance Lo
seLLle lL cool and dark ln her room Per bed sofL and nlce us lay wlLh our arms round each oLher
SomeLlmes Shug read Lhe paper ouL loud 1he news always sound crazy eople fusslng and flghLlng and
polnLlng flngers aL oLher people and never even looklng for no peace
eople lnsane say Shug Crazy as beLsy bugs noLhlng bullL Lhls crazy can lasL LlsLen she say
Pere Lhey bulldlng a dam so Lhey can flood ouL a lndlan Lrlbe LhaL been Lhere slnce Llme And look aL
Lhls Lhey maklng a plcLure bouL LhaL man LhaL kllL all Lhem women 1he same man LhaL play Lhe klller ls
playlng Lhe prlesL And look aL Lhese shoes Lhey maklng now she say 1ry Lo walk a mlle ln a palr of
Lhem she say ?ou be llmplng all Lhe way home And you see whaL Lhey Lrylng Lo do wlLh LhaL man LhaL
beaL Lhe Chlnese couple Lo deaLh noLhlng whaLsoever
?eah l say buL some Lhlngs pleasanL
8lghL say Shug Lurnlng Lhe page Mr and Mrs PamllLon Pufflemeyer are pleased Lo announce
Lhe weddlng of Lhelr daughLer !une Sue 1he Morrlses of Lndover 8oad are spearheadlng a soclal for Lhe
Lplscopal church Mrs PerberL Ldenfall was on a vlslL lasL week Lo Lhe Adlrondacks Lo see her alllng
moLher Lhe former Mrs Ceoffrey Pood
All Lhese faces look happy enough say Shug 8lg and beery Lyes dear and lnnocenL llke Lhey
donL know Lhem oLher crooks on Lhe fronL page 8uL Lhey Lhe same folks she say
8uL preLLy soon afLer cooklng a blg dlnner and maklng a Lodo abouL cleanlng Lhe house Shug
go back Lo work 1haL mean she never glve a LhoughL Lo whaL she eaL never glve a LhoughL Lo where
she sleep She on Lhe road somewhere for weeks aL a Llme come home wlLh bleary eyes roLLen breaLh
overwelghL and sorL of greasy no place hardly Lo sLop and really wash herself especlally her halr on Lhe
road
LeL me go wlLh you l say l can press your cloLhes do your halr lL would be llke old Llmes when
you was slnglng aL Parpos
She say naw She can acL llke she noL bored ln fronL of a audlence of sLrangers a loL of Lhem
whlLe buL she wouldnL have Lhe nerve Lo Lry Lo acL ln fronL of me
8esldes she say ?ou noL my mald l dldnL brlng you Lo Memphls Lo be LhaL l broughL you here
Lo love you and help you geL on your feeL
And now she off on Lhe road for Lwo weeks and me and Crady and Squeak raLLle round Lhe
house Lrylng Lo geL our sLuff LogeLher
Squeak been golng round Lo a loL of clubs and Crady been Laklng her lus he seem Lo be dolng a
llLLle farmlng ouL back Lhe house
l slL ln Lhe dlnlng room maklng panLs afLer panLs l goL panLs now hl every color and slze under
Lhe sun Slnce us sLarLed maklng panLs down home l alnL been able Lo sLop l change Lhe cloLh l change
Lhe prlnL l change Lhe walsL l change Lhe pockeL l change Lhe hem l change Lhe fullness of Lhe leg l
make so many panLs Shug Lease me l dldnL know whaL l was sLarLlng she say laughlng anLs all over
her chalrs hanglng all ln fronL of Lhe chlna closeL newspaper paLLerns and cloLh all over Lhe Lable and
Lhe floor She come home klss me sLep over all Lhe mess Say before she leave agaln Pow much
money you Lhlnk you need Lhlsweek?
1hen flnally one day l made Lhe perfecL palr of panLs lor my sugar naLurally 1hey sofL dark
blue [ersey wlLh Leeny paLches of red 8uL whaL make Lhem so good ls Lhey LoLally comforLable Cause
Shug eaL a loL of [unk on Lhe road and drlnk her sLomach bloaL So Lhe panLs can be leL ouL wlLhouL
messlng up Lhe shape 8ecause she have Lo pack her sLuff and flghL wrlnkles Lhese panLs are sofL hardly
wrlnkle aL all and Lhe llLLle flgures ln Lhe cloLh always look perky and brlghL And Lhey full round Lhe
ankle so lf she wanL Lo slng ln em and wear em sorL of llke a long dress she can lus once Shug puL
Lhem on she knock your eyes ouL
Mlss Celle she say ?ou ls a wonder Lo behold
l duck my head She run round Lhe house looklng aL herself ln mlrrors no maLLer how she look
she look good
?ou know how lL ls when you donL have noLhlng Lo do l say when she brag Lo Crady and
Squeak bouL her panLs l slL here Lhlnklng bouL how Lo make a llvlng and before l know lL lm off on
anoLher palr panLs
8y now Squeak see a palr shellke Ch Mlss Celle she say Can l Lry on Lhose?
She puL on a palr Lhe color of sunseL Cranglsh wlLh a llLLle graylsh fleck She come back ouL
looklng [usL flne Crady look aL her llke he could eaL her up
Shug flnger Lhe pleces of cloLh l goL hanglng on everyLhlng lL all sofL flowlng rlch and caLch Lhe
llghL 1hls a far cry from LhaL sLlff army shlL us sLarLed wlLh she say ?ou oughL Lo make up a speclal palr
Lo Lhank and show !ack
WhaL she say LhaL for 1he nexL week lm ln and ouL of sLores spendlng more of Shugs money l
slL looklng ouL cross Lhe yard Lrylng Lo see ln my mlnd whaL a palr of panLs for !ack would look llke !ack
ls Lall and klnd and donL hardly say anyLhlng Love chlldren 8especL hls wlfe Cdessa and all Cdessa
amazon slsLers AnyLhlng she wanL Lo Lake on he rlghL Lhere never Lalklng much Lhough 1haLs Lhe
maln Lhlng And Lhen l remember one Llme he Louch me And lL felL llke hls flngers had eyes lelL llke he
knew me all over buL he [usL Louch my arm up near Lhe shoulder
l sLarL Lo make panLs for !ack 1hey have Lo be camel And sofL and sLrong And Lhey have Lo
have blg pockeLs so he can keep a loL of chlldrens Lhlngs Marbles and sLrlng and pennles and rocks And
Lhey have Lo be washable and Lhey have Lo flL closer round Lhe leg Lhan Shugs so he can run lf he need
Lo snaLch a chlld ouL Lhe way of someLhlng And Lhey have Lo be someLhlng he can lay back ln when he
hold Cdessa ln fronL of Lhe flre And
l dream and dream and dream over !acks panLs And cuL and sew And flnlsh Lhem And send
Lhem off
nexL Lhlng l hear Cdessa wanL a palr
1hen Shug wanL Lwo more pah [usL llke Lhe flrsL 1hen everybody ln her band wanL some 1hen
orders sLarL Lo come ln from everywhere Shug slng reLLy soon lm swamp
Cne day when Shug come homel say ?ou know l love dolng Lhls buL l goL Lo glL ouL and make
a llvlng preLLy soon Look llke Lhls [usL holdlng me back
She laugh LeLs us puL a few adverLlsemenLs ln Lhe paper she say And leLs us ralse your prlces
a hefLy noLch And leLs us [usL go ahead and glve you Lhls dlnlngroom for your facLory and glL you some
more women ln here Lo cuL and sew whlle you slL back and deslgn ?ou maklng your llvlng Celle she
say Clrl you on your way
neLLle l am maklng some panLs for you Lo beaL Lhe heaL ln Afrlca SofL whlLe Lhln urawsLrlng
walsL ?ou wonL ever have Lo feel Loo hoL and overdress agaln l plan Lo make Lhem by hand Lvery
sLlLch l sew wlll be a klss

Amen

?our SlsLer Celle lolkspanLs unllmlLed Sugar Avery urlve Memphls 1ennessee l am so happy l
goL love l goL work l goL money frlends and Llme And you allve and be home soon WlLh our chlldren
!erene and uarlene come help me wlLh Lhe buslness 1hey Lwlns never marrled Love Lo sew
hls uarlene Lrylng Lo Leach me how Lo Lalk She say us noL so hoL A dead counLry glveaway ?ou say us
where mosL folks say we she say and peoples Lhlnk you dumb
Colored peoples Lhlnk you a hlck and whlLe folks be amuse
WhaL l care? l asL lm happy
8uL she say l feel more happler Lalklng Llke she Lalk CanL noLhlng make me happler Lhan seelng
you agaln l Lhlnk buL l donL say noLhlng Lvery Llme l say someLhlng Lhe way l say lL she correcL me
unLll l say lL some oLher way reLLy soon lL feel Llke l canL Lhlnk My mlnd run up on a LhoughL glL
confuse run back and sorL of lay down
?ou sure Lhls worLh lL? l asL
She say ?eah 8rlng me a bunch of books WhlLefolks all over Lhem Lalklng bouL apples and
dogs
WhaL l care bouL dogs? l Lhlnk
uarlene keep Lrylng 1hlnk how much beLLer Snug feel wlLh you educaLed she say She wonL be
shame Lo Lake you anywhere
Shug noL shame no how l say 8uL she donL belleve Lhls Lhe LruLh Sugar she say one day when
Shug home donL you Lhlnk lL be nlce lf Celle could Lalk proper?
Shug say She can Lalk ln slgn language for all l care She make herself a nlce cup of herb Lea and
sLarL Lalklng bouL hoL olllng her halr
8uL l leL uarlene worry on SomeLlmes l Lhlnk bouL Lhe apples and Lhe dogs someLlmes l donL
Look llke Lo me only a fool would wanL you Lo Lalk ln a way LhaL feel pecullar Lo your mlnd 8uL she
sweeL and she sew good and us need someLhlng Lo haggle over whlle us work
lm busy maklng panLs for Sofla now Cne leg be purple one leg be red l dream Sofla wearlng
Lhese panLs one day she was [umplng over Lhe moon

Amen

?our slsLer

Celle


Walklng down Lo Parpo and Sofla house lL feel [usL llke old Llmes CepL Lhe house new down below Lhe
[uke[olnL and lL a loL blgger Lhan lL was before 1hen Loo l feels dlfferenL Look dlfferenL CoL on some
dark blue panLs and a whlLe sllk shlrL LhaL look rlghLeous LlLLle red flaLheel sllppers and a flower ln my
hah l pass Mr??? house and hlm slLLlng up on Lhe porch and he dldnL even know who l was
!usL when l ralse my hand Lo knock l hear a crash Sound llke a chalr falllng over 1hen l hear
argulng
Parpo say Whoever heard of women pallbearers 1haL all lm Lrylng Lo say
Well say Sofla you sald lL now you can hush
l know she your moLher say Parpo 8uL sLlll
?ou gon help us or noL? say Sofla
WhaL lL gon look llke? say Parpo 1hree blg sLouL women pallbearers look llke Lhey oughL Lo be
home frylng chlcken
1hree of our broLhers be wlLh us on Lhe oLher slde say Sofla l guess Lhey look llke fleld hands
8uL peoples use Lo men dolng Lhls sorL of Lhlng 224 Women weaker he say eople Lhlnk Lhey
weaker say Lhey weaker anyhow Women spose Lo Lake lL easy Cry lf you wanL Lo noL Lry Lo Lake over
1ry Lo Lake over say Sofla 1he woman dead l can cry and Lake lL easy and llfL Lhe coffln Loo
And wheLher you help us or noL wlLh Lhe food and Lhe chalrs and Lhe geLLogeLher afLerward LhaLs
exacLly whaL l plan Lo do
lL glL real quleL AfLer whlle Parpo say real sofL Lo Sofla Why you llke Lhls huh? Why you always
Lhlnk you have Lo do Lhlngs your own way? l asL your mama bouL lL one Llme whlle you was ln [all
WhaL she say? asL Sofla
She say you Lhlnk your way as good as anybody elses lus lL yours
Sofla laugh
l know my Llmlng bad buL l knock anyhow
Ch Mlss Celle say Sofla fllnglng open Lhe screen Pow good you look uonL she look good
Parpo? Parpo sLare aL me llke he never seen me before
Sofla glve me a blg hug and klss me on Lhe [aw Where Mlss Shug? she asL
She on Lhe road l say 8uL she was real sorry Lo hear your mama pass
Well say Sofla Mama flghL Lhe good flghL lf Lheres a glory anywhere she rlghL ln Lhe mlddle of
lL
Pow you Parpo? l asL SLlll eaLlng?
Pe and Sofla laugh
l donL reckon Mary Agnes could come back Lhls Llme say Sofla She was [usL here bouL a monLh
ago ?ou [usL oughL Lo see her and Suzle C
naw l say She flnally worklng sLeady slnglng aL Lwo or Lhree clubs round Lown lolks love her a
loL
Suzle C so proud of her she say Love her slnglng Love her perfume Love her dresses Love Lo
wear her haLs and shoes
Pow she dolng ln school? l asL
Ch she flne say Sofla SmarL as a llLLle whlp Cnce she goL over belng mad her mama lefL her
and found ouL l was PenrleLLas real mama she was all rlghL She doLe on PenrleLLa
Pow PenrleLLa?
Lvll say Sofla LlLLle face always look llke sLormy weaLher 8uL maybe shell grow ouL of lL lL Look
her daddy forLy years Lo learn Lo be pleasanL Pe used Lo be nasLy Lo hls own ma
?all see much of hlm? l asL
8ouL as much as us see of Mary Agnes saySofla
Mary Agnes noL Lhe same say Parpo
WhaL you mean? l asL
l donL know he say Per mlnd wander She Lalk llke she drunk And every Llme she Lurn round
look llke she wanL Lo see Crady
1hey boLh smoke a loL of reefer l say
8eefer say Parpo WhaL klnd of a Lhlng ls LhaL?
SomeLhlng make you feel good l say SomeLhlng make you see vlslons SomeLhlng make your
love come down 8uL lf you smoke lL Loo much lL make you feeblemlnded Confuse Always need Lo
cluLch hold of somebody Crady grow lL ln Lhe backyard l say
l never heard of such a Lhlng say Sofla lL grow ln Lhe ground?
Llke a weed l say Crady goL half a acre lf he goL arow Pow blg lL glL? asL Parpo
8lg l say Way up over my head And bushy
And whaL parL Lhey smoke?
1he leaf l say
And Lhey smoke up all LhaL? he asL
l laugh naw he sell mosL of lL
?ou ever LasLe lL? he asL
?eah l say Pe make lL up ln clgareLLes sell em for a dlme lL roL your breaLh l say buL yall wanL
Lo Lry one?
noL lf lL makes us crazy say Sofla lL hard enough Lo geL by wlLhouL belng a fool
lL [usL llke whlskey l say ?ou goL Lo sLay ahead of lL ?ou know a llLLle drlnk now and Lhen never
hurL nobody buL when you canL glL sLarLed wlLhouL asklng Lhe boLLle you ln Lrouble
?ou smoke lL much Mlss CeLle? Parpo asL
uo l look llke a fool? l asL l smoke when l wanL Lo Lalk Lo Cod l smoke when l wanL Lo make
love LaLely l feel llke me and Cod make love [usL flne anyhow WheLher l smoke reefer or noL
Mlss CeLle! say Sofla Shock
Clrl lm bless l say Lo Sofla Cod know whaL l mean
us slL round Lhe klLchen Lable and llghL up l show em how Lo suck ln Lhey wlnd Parpo glL
sLrangle Sofla choke
reLLy soon Sofla say 1haL funny l never heard LhaL hummlng before
WhaL hummlng? Parpo asL
LlsLen she say
us glL real quleL and llsLen Sure enough us hear llmmlLlmm mnlnl WhaL lL comlng from? asL
Sofla She glL up and go look ouL Lhe door noLhlng Lhere Sound glL louder ummmmmmm
Parpo go look ouL Lhe wlndow noLhlng ouL Lhere he say Pummlng say ummmmmmm
l Lhlnk l know whaL lL ls l say
1hey say WhaL?
l say LveryLhlng
?eah Lhey say 1haL make a loLs of sense
Well say Parpo aL Lhe funeral here come Lhe amazons
Per broLhers Lhere Loo l whlsper back WhaL you call Lhem?
l donL know he say 1hem Lhree always sLood by Lhey crazy slsLers noLhlng yeL could geL em Lo
budge l wonder whaL Lhey wlves have Lo puL up wlLh
1hey all march sLouLly ln shaklng Lhe church and place Sofla moLher ln fronL Lhe pulplL
lolks crylng and fannlng and Lrylng Lo keep a sLray eye on Lhey chlldren buL Lhey donL sLare aL
Sofla and her slsLers 1hey acL llke Lhls Lhe way lL always done l love folks

Amen


1he flrsL Lhlng l noLlce bouL Mr??? ls how clean he ls Pls skln shlne Pls halr brush back
When he walk by Lhe caskeL Lo revlew Sofla moLhers body he sLop whlsper someLhlng Lo her
aL her shoulder Cn hls way back Lo hls seaL he look over aL me l ralse my fan and look off Lhe oLher
way
us wenL back Lo Parpos afLer Lhe funeral
l know you wonL belleve Lhls Mlss Celle say Sofla buL Mr??? acL llke he Lrylng Lo glL rellglon
8lg a devll as he ls l say Lrylng ls bouL all he can do
Pe donL go Lo church or noLhlng buL he noL so qulck Lo [udge Pe work real hard Loo
WhaL? l say Mr??? work!
Pe sure do Pe ouL Lhere ln Lhe fleld from sunup Lo sundown And clean LhaL house [usL llke a
woman
Lven cook say Parpo And whaL more wash Lhe dlshes when he flnlsh
naw l say ?all musL sLlll be dope
8uL he donL Lalk much or be round people Sofla say
Sound llke crazlness closlng ln Lo me l say
!usL Lhen Mr??? walk up
Pow you Celle he say
llne l say l look ln hls eyes and l see he feellng scared of me Well good l Lhlnk LeL hlm feel
whaL l felL
Shug dldnL come wlLh you Lhls Llme? he say
naw l say She have Lo work Sorry bouL Sofla mama Lhough
Anybody be sorry he say 1he woman LhaL broughL Sofla ln Lhe world broughL someLhlng
l donL say noLhlng
1hey puL her away nlce he say
1hey sure dld l say
And so many grandchlldren he say Well 1welve chlldren all busy mulLlplylng !usL Lhe famlly
enough Lo flll Lhe church
?eah l say 1haLs Lhe LruLh
Pow long you here for? he say
Maybe a week l say
?ou know Parpo and Sofla baby glrl real slck? he say
naw l dldnL l say l polnL Lo PenrleLLa ln Lhe crowd 1here she ls over Lhere l say She look [usL
flne
?eah she look flne he say buL she goL some klnd of blood dlsease 8lood sorL of cloL up ln her
velns every once ln a whlle make her slck as a dog l donL Lhlnk she gon make lL he say
CreaL goodness of llfe l say
?eah he say lL hard for Sofla She sLlll have Lo Lry Lo prop up LhaL whlLe gal she ralse now her
mama dead Per healLh noL LhaL good elLher lus PenrleLLa a hard row Lo hoe wheLher she slck or well
Ch she a llLLle mess l say 1hen l Lhlnk back Lo one of neLLles leLLers bouL Lhe slcknesses
chlldren have where she aL ln Afrlca
Seem llke Lo me she menLlon someLhlng bouL blood cloLs l Lry Lo remember whaL she say
Afrlcan peoples do buL l canL 1alklng Lo Mr??? such a surprlse l canL Lhlnk of noLhlng noL even
noLhlng else Lo say
Mr??? sLand walLlng for me Lo say someLhlng looklng off up Lo hls house llnally he say Cood
evenlng and walk away
Sofla say afLer l lefL Mr??? llve llke a plg ShuL up hl Lhe house so much lL sLunk WouldnL leL
nobody ln unLll flnally Parpo force hls way ln Clean Lhe house goL food Clve hls daddy a baLh Mr???
Loo weak Lo flghL back lus Loo far gone Lo care
Pe couldnL sleep she say AL nlghL he LhoughL he heard baLs ouLslde Lhe door CLher Lhlngs
raLLllng ln Lhe chlmney 8uL Lhe worse parL was havlng Lo llsLen Lo hls own hearL lL dld preLLy well as
long as Lhere was dayllghL buL soon as nlghL come lL wenL crazy 8eaLlng so loud lL shook Lhe room
Sound llke drums
Parpo wenL up Lhere plenLy nlghLs Lo sLeep wlLh hlm say Sofla Mr??? would be all cram up ln a
comer of Lhe bed Lyes clamp on dlfferenL pleces of furnlLure see lf Lhey move hl hls dlrecLlon ?ou
know how llLLle he ls say Sofla And how blg and sLouL Parpo ls Well one nlghL l walked up Lo Lell Parpo
someLhlng? and Lhe Lwo of Lhem was [usL laylng Lhere on Lhe bed fasL asleep
Parpo holdlng hls daddy hl hls arms
AfLer LhaL l sLarL Lo feel agaln for Parpo Sofla say And preLLy soon us sLarL work on our new
house She laugh 8uL dld l say lL been easy? lf l dld Cod would make me cuL my own swlLch
WhaL make bun pull Lhrough? l asL
Ch she say Parpo made hlm send you Lhe resL of your slsLers leLLers 8lghL afLer LhaL he sLarL
Lo fanprove ?ou know meanness klll she say

Amen


8y now l expecLed Lo be home Looklng lnLo your face and saylng Celle ls lL really you? l Lry Lo plcLure
whaL Lhe years have broughL you ln Lhe way of welghL and wrlnkles? or how you flx your halr lrom a
sklnny hard llLLle someLhlng lve become qulLe plump
And some of my halr ls gray!
8uL Samuel Lells me he loves me plump and graylng
uoes Lhls surprlse you?
We were marrled lasL lall ln Lngland where we Lrled Lo geL rellef for Lhe Cllnka from Lhe
churches and Lhe Mlsslonary SocleLy
As long as Lhey could Lhe Cllnka lgnored Lhe road and Lhe whlLe bullders who came 8uL
evenLually Lhey had Lo noLlce Lhem because one of Lhe flrsL Lhlngs Lhe bullders dld was Lo Lell Lhe people
Lhey musL be moved elsewhere 1he bullders wanLed Lhe vlllage slLe as headquarLers for Lhe rubber
planLaLlon lL ls Lhe only spoL for mlles LhaL has a sLeady supply of fresh waLer
roLesLlng and drlven Lhe Cllnka along wlLh Lhelr mlsslonarles were placed on a barren sLreLch
of land LhaL has no waLer aL all for slx monLhs of Lhe year
uurlng LhaL Llme Lhey musL buy waLer from Lhe planLers uurlng Lhe ralny season Lhere ls a rlver
and Lhey are Lrylng Lo dlg holes ln Lhe nearby rocks Lo make clsLerns So far Lhey collecL waLer ln
dlscarded oll drums whlch Lhe bullders broughL
8uL Lhe mosL horrlble Lhlng Lo happen had Lo do wlLh Lhe roofleaf whlch as l musL have wrlLLen
you Lhe people worshlp as a Cod and whlch Lhey use Lo cover Lhelr huLs Well on Lhls barren sLrlp of
ground Lhe planLers erecLed workers barracks Cne for men and one for women and chlldren 8uL
because Lhe Cllnka swore Lhey would never llve ln a dwelllng noL covered by Lhelr Cod 8oofleaf Lhe
bullders lefL Lhese barracks uncovered 1hen Lhey proceeded Lo plow under Lhe Cllnka vlllage and
everyLhlng else for mlles around lncludlng every lasL sLalk of roofleaf
AfLer nearly unbearable weeks ln Lhe hoL sun we were awakened one mornlng by Lhe sound of
a large Lruck pulllng lnLo Lhe compound
lL was loaded wlLh sheeLs of corrugaLed Lln
Celle we had Lo payfor Lhe Lln Whlch exhausLed whaL meager savlngs Lhe Cllnka had and
nearly wlped ouL Lhe money Samuel and l had managed Lo puL by for Lhe educaLlon of Lhe chlldren once
we reLurn home Whlch we have planned Lo do each year slnce Corrlne dled only Lo flnd ourselves more
and more lnvolved ln Lhe Cllnkas problems noLhlng could be ugller Lhan corrugaLed Lln Celle
And as Lhey sLruggled Lo puL up roofs of Lhls cold hard gllLLery ugly meLal Lhe women ralsed a
deafenlng ululaLlon of sorrow LhaL echoed off Lhe cavern walls for mlles around lL was on Lhls day LhaL
Lhe Cllnka acknowledged aL leasL Lemporary defeaL
1hough Lhe Cllnka no longer ask anyLhlng of us beyond Leachlng Lhelr chlldren? because Lhey
can see how powerless we and our Cod are? Samuel and l declded we musL do someLhlng abouL Lhls
laLesL ouLrage even as many of Lhe people Lo whom we felL close ran away Lo [oln Lhe mbelesor foresL
people who llve deep ln Lhe [ungle refuslng Lo work for whlLes or be ruled by Lhem
So off we wenL wlLh Lhe chlldren Lo Lngland
lL was an lncredlble voyage Celle noL only because we had almosL forgoL abouL Lhe resL of Lhe
world and such Lhlngs as shlps and coal flres and sLreeLllghLs and oaLmeal buL because on Lhe shlp wlLh
us was Lhe whlLe woman mlsslonary whom wed heard abouL years ago She was now reLlred from
mlsslonary work and golng back Lo Lngland Lo llve She was Lravellng wlLh a llLLle Afrlcan boy whom she
lnLroduced as her grandchlld!
Cf course lL was lmposslble Lo lgnore Lhe presence of an aglng whlLe woman accompanled by a
small black chlld 1he shlp was ln a LlLher Lach day she and Lhe chlld walked abouL Lhe deck alone
groups of whlLe people falllng lnLo sllence as Lhey passed
She ls a [aunLy sLrlngy blueeyed woman wlLh halr Lhe color of sllver and dry grass A shorL
chln and when she speaks she seems Lo be gargllng
lm pushlng on for slxLyflve she Lold us when we found ourselves sharlng a Lable for dlnner one
nlghL 8een ln Lhe Lroplcs mosL of my llfe 8uL she sald a blg war ls comlng 8lgger Lhan Lhe one Lhey
were sLarLlng when l lefL lLll go hard on Lngland buL l expecL well survlve l mlssed Lhe oLher war she
sald l mean Lo be presenL for Lhls one
Samuel and l had never really LhoughL abouL war
Why she sald Lhe slgns are all over Afrlca lndla Loo l expecL llrsL Lheres a road bullL Lo where
you keep your goods 1hen your Lrees are hauled off Lo make shlps and capLalns furnlLure 1hen your
land ls planLed wlLh someLhlng you canL eaL 1hen youre forced Lo work lL 1haLs happenlng all over
Afrlca she sald 8urma Loo l expecL
8uL Parold here and l declded Lo geL ouL uldnL we Parry? she sald glvlng Lhe llLLle boy a blsculL
1he chlld sald noLhlng [usL chewed hls blsculL LhoughLfully Adam and Cllvla soon Look hlm off Lo
explore Lhe llfeboaLs
uorls sLoryLhe womans name ls uorls 8alnesls an lnLeresLlng one 8uL l wonL bore you wlLh
lL as we evenLually became bored
She was born Lo greaL wealLh ln Lngland Per faLher was Lord Somebody or CLher 1hey were
forever glvlng or aLLendlng parLles LhaL were no fun 8esldes she wanLed Lo wrlLe books Per famlly was
agalnsL lL 1oLally 1hey hoped shed marry
Me marry! she hooLed (8eally she has Lhe oddesL ldeas)
1hey dld everyLhlng Lo convlnce me she sald ?ou canL lmaglne l never saw so many mllkfed
young men ln all my llfe as when l was nlneLeen and LwenLy Lach one more borlng Lhan Lhe lasL Can
anyLhlng bemore borlng Lhan an upperclass Lngllshman? she sald
1hey remlnd one of bloody mushrooms
Well she raLLled on Lhrough endless dlnners because Lhe capLaln asslgned us permanenLly Lo
Lhe same Lable lL seems Lhe noLlon of becomlng a mlsslonary sLruck her one evenlng she was geLLlng
ready for yeL anoLher Ledlous daLe and lay ln Lhe Lub Lhlnklng a convenL would be beLLer Lhan Lhe casLle
ln whlch she llved She could Lhlnk she could wrlLe She could be her own boss 8uL walL As a nun she
would noL be her own boss Cod would be boss 1he vlrgln moLher 1he moLher superlor LLc LLc Ah
buL a mlsslonary!
lar off ln Lhe wllds of lndla alone! lL seemed llke bllss
And so she culLlvaLed a plous lnLeresL ln heaLhens looled her parenLs looled Lhe Mlsslonary
SocleLy who were so Laken wlLh !ler qulck command of languages Lhey senL her Lo Afrlca (worsL luck!)
where she began wrlLlng novels abouL everyLhlng under Lhe sun
My pen name ls !ared PunL she sald ln Lngland and even ln Amerlca lm a runaway success
8lch famous An eccenLrlc recluse who spends mosL of hls Llme shooLlng wlld game
Well now she conLlnued several evenlngs laLer you donL Lhlnk l pald much aLLenLlon Lo Lhe
heaLhen? l saw noLhlng wrong wlLh Lhem as Lhey were And Lhey seemed Lo llke mewell enough l was
acLually able Lo help Lhem a good deal l was a wrlLer afLer all and l wroLe reams of paper ln Lhelr
behalf abouL Lhelr culLure Lhelr behavlor Lhelr needs LhaL sorL of Lhlng ?oud be surprlsed how good
wrlLlng maLLers when youre golng afLer money l learned Lo speak Lhelr language faulLlessly and Lo
Lhrow off Lhe mlsslonary snoopers back aL headquarLers l wroLe enLlre reporLs ln lL l Lapped Lhe famlly
vaulLs for close on Lo a mllllon pounds before l goL anyLhlng from Lhe mlsslonary socleLles or rlch old
famlly frlends l bullL a hosplLal a grammar school A college A swlmmlng pool? Lhe one luxury l
permlLLed myself slnce swlmmlng ln Lhe rlver one ls sub[ecL Lo aLLack by leeches
?ou wouldnL belleve Lhe peace! she sald aL breakfasL halfway Lo Lngland WlLhln a year
everyLhlng as far as me and Lhe heaLhen were concerned ran llke clockwork l Lold Lhem rlghL off LhaL
Lhelr souls were no concern of mlne LhaL l wanLed Lo wrlLe books and noL be dlsLurbed lor Lhls
pleasure l was prepared Lo pay 8aLher handsomely
ln a bursL of appreclaLlon one day lm afrald Lhe chlef? noL knowlng whaL else Lo do no doubL?
presenLed mewlLh a couple of wlves l donL Lhlnk lL was commonly belleved l was a woman 1here
seemed some quesLlon ln Lhelr mlnds [usL whaL l was Anyhow l educaLed Lhe Lwo young glrls as besL l
could SenL Lhem Lo Lngland of course Lo learn medlclne and agrlculLure Welcomed Lhem home when
Lhey reLurned gave Lhem away ln marrlage Lo Lwo young chaps who were always abouL Lhe place and
began Lhe happlesL perlod of my llfe as Lhe grandmoLher of Lhelr chlldren l musL say she beamed lve
Lurned ouL Lo be fabo as a grandmama llearned lL from Lhe Akweans 1hey never spank Lhelr chlldren
never lock Lhem away ln anoLher parL of Lhe huL 1hey do a blL of bloody cuLLlng around puberLy 8uL
Parrys moLher Lhe docLor ls golng Lo change all LhaL lsnL she Parold?
Anyway she sald When l geL Lo Lngland lll puL a sLop Lo Lhelr bloody encroachmenLs lll Lell
Lhem whaL Lo do wlLh Lhelr bloody road and Lhelr bloody rubber planLaLlons and Lhelr bloody sunburned
buL sLlll bloody borlng Lngllsh planLers and englneers l am a very wealLhy woman and l ownLhe vlllage
of Akwee
We llsLened Lo mosL of Lhls ln more or less respecLful sllence 1he chlldren were very Laken wlLh
young Parold Lhough he never sald a word ln our presence Pe seemed fond of hls grandmoLher and
used Lo her buL her verboslLy produced ln hlm a klnd of soberly observanL speechlessness
Pes qulLe dlfferenL wlLh us Lhough sald Adam who ls really a greaL lover of chlldren and could
geL Lhrough Lo any chlld glven half an hour Adam makes [okes he slngs he clowns and knows games
And he has Lhe sunnlesL smlle mosL of Lhe Llme? and greaL healLhy Afrlcan LeeLh
As l wrlLe abouL hls sunny smlle l reallze hes been unusually glum durlng Lhls Lrlp lnLeresLed
and exclLed buL noL really sunny excepL when hes wlLh young Parold
l wlll have Lo ask Cllvla whaLs wrong She ls Lhrllled aL Lhe LhoughL of golng back Lo Lngland Per
moLher used Lo Lell her abouL Lhe LhaLched coLLages of Lhe Lngllsh and how Lhey remlnded her of Lhe
roofleaf huLs of Lhe Cllnka 1hey are square Lhough shed say More llke our church and school Lhan llke
our homes whlch Cllvla LhoughL very sLrange
When we reached Lngland Samuel and l presenLed Lhe Cllnkas grlevances Lo Lhe blshop of Lhe
Lngllsh branch of our church a younglsh man wearlng specLacles who saL Lhumblng Lhrough a sLack of
Samuels yearly reporLs lnsLead of even menLlonlng Lhe Cllnka Lhe blshop wanLed Lo know how long lL
had been slnce Corrlnes deaLh and why as soon as she dled l had noL reLurned Lo Amerlca
l really dld noL undersLand whaL he was drlvlng aL
Appearances Mlss??? he sald Appearances WhaL musL Lhe naLlves Lhlnk?
AbouL whaL? l asked
Come come he sald
We behave as broLher and slsLer Lo each oLher sald Samuel
1he blshop smlrked ?es he dld
l felL my face go hoL
Well Lhere was more of Lhls buL why burden you wlLh lL? ?ou know whaL some people are and
Lhe blshop was one of Lhem Samuel and l lefL wlLhouL even a word abouL Lhe Cllnkas problems
Samuel was so angry l was frlghLened Pe sald Lhe only Lhlng for us Lo do lf we wanLed Lo
remaln ln Afrlca was [oln Lhe mbelesand encourage all Lhe Cllnka Lo do Lhe same
8uL suppose Lhey do noL wanL Lo go? l asked Many 238 of Lhem are Loo old Lo move back lnLo
Lhe foresL Many are slck 1he women have small bables And Lhen Lhere are Lhe youngsLers who wanL
blcycles and 8rlLlsh cloLhes Mlrrors and shlny cooklng poLs 1hey wanL Lo work for Lhe whlLe people ln
order Lo have Lhese Lhlngs
1hlngs! he sald ln dlsgusL 8loody Lhlngs!
Well we have a monLh here anyway l sald leLs make Lhe mosL of lL
8ecause we had spenL so much of our money on Lln roofs and Lhe voyage over lL had Lo be a
poor mans monLh ln Lngland 8uL lL was a very good Llme for us We began Lo feel ourselves a famlly
wlLhouL Corrlne And people meeLlng us on Lhe sLreeL never falled (lf Lhey spoke Lo us aL all) Lo express
Lhe senLlmenL LhaL Lhe chlldren looked [usL llke Lhe Lwo of us 1he chlldren began Lo accepL Lhls as
naLural and began golng ouL Lo vlew Lhe slghLs LhaL lnLeresLed Lhem alone Leavlng Lhelr faLher and me
Lo our quleLer more sedaLe pleasures one of whlch was slmple conversaLlon
Samuel of course was born hl Lhe norLh ln new ?ork and grew up and was educaLed Lhere Pe
meL Corrlne Lhrough hls aunL who had been a mlsslonary along wlLh Corrlnes aunL ln Lhe 8elglan
Congo Samuel frequenLly accompanled hls aunL AlLhea Lo ALlanLa where Corrlnes aunL 1heodosla
llved
1hese Lwo ladles had been Lhrough marvelous Lhlngs LogeLher sald Samuel laughlng 1heyd
been aLLacked by llons sLampeded by elephanLs flooded ouL by ralns made war on by naLlves 1he
Lales Lhey Lold were slmply lncredlble 1here Lhey saL on a heavlly anLlmacassared horsehalr sofa Lwo
prlm and proper ladles ln ruffles and lace Lelllng Lhese sLupendous sLorles over Lea
Corrlne and l as Leenagers used Lo aLLempL Lo sLyllze Lhese Lales lnLo comlcs We called Lhem
such Lhlngs as 1P8LL MCn1PS ln A PAMMCCk Cr SC8L PlS Cl 1PL uA8k CCn1lnLn1 Cr A MA Cl
Al8lCA A CuluL 1C nA1lvL lnulllL8LnCL 1C 1PL PCL? WC8u
We made fun of Lhem buL we were rlveLed on Lhelr advenLures and on Lhe ladles Lelllng of
Lhem 1hey were so sLald looklng So proper ?ou really couldnL lmaglne Lhem acLually bulldlng? wlLh
Lhelr own hands? aschool ln Lhe bush Cr baLLllng repLlles Cr unfrlendly Afrlcans who LhoughL slnce
Lhey were wearlng dresses wlLh Lhlngs LhaL looked llke wlngs behlnd Lhey should be able Lo fly
8ush? Corrlne would snlcker Lo me or me Lo her And [usL Lhe sound of Lhe word would send us
off lnLo quleL hysLerla whlle we calmly slpped our Lea 8ecause of course Lhey dldnL reallze Lhey were
belng funny and Lo us Lhey were very And of course Lhe prevalllng popular vlew of Afrlcans aL LhaL
Llme conLrlbuLed Lo our feellng of amusemenL noL only were Afrlcans savages Lhey were bumbllng
lnepL savages raLher llke Lhelr bumbllng lnepL breLhren aL home 8uL we carefully noL Lo say sLudlously
avolded Lhls very apparenL connecLlon
Corrlnes moLher was a dedlcaLed housewlfe and moLher who dlsllked her more advenLurous
slsLer 8uL she never prevenLed Corrlne from vlslLlng And when Corrlne was old enough she senL her Lo
Spelman Semlnary where AunL 1heodosla had gone 1hls was a very lnLeresLlng place lL was sLarLed by
Lwo whlLe mlsslonarles from new Lngland who used Lo wear ldenLlcal dresses SLarLed ln a church
basemenL lL soon moved up Lo Army barracks LvenLually Lhese Lwo ladles were able Lo geL large sums
of money from some of Lhe rlchesL men ln Amerlca and so Lhe place grew 8ulldlngs Lrees Clrls were
LaughL everyLhlng 8eadlng WrlLlng ArlLhmeLlc sewlng cleanlng cooklng
8uL more Lhan anyLhlng else Lhey were LaughL Lo serve Cod and Lhe colored communlLy 1helr
offlclal moLLo was Cu8 WPCLL SCPCCL lC8 CP8lS1 8uL l always LhoughL Lhelr unofflclal moLLo should
have been our communlLy covers Lhe world because no sooner had a young woman goL Lhrough
Spelman Semlnary Lhan she began Lo puL her hand Lo whaLever work she could do for her people
anywhere ln Lhe world lL was Lruly asLonlshlng 1hese very pollLe and proper young women some of
Lhem never havlng seL fooL ouLslde Lhelr own small counLry Lowns excepL Lo come Lo Lhe Semlnary
LhoughL noLhlng of packlng up for lndla Afrlca Lhe CrlenL Cr for hlladelphla or new ?ork
SlxLy years or so before Lhe foundlng of Lhe school Lhe Cherokee lndlans who llved ln Ceorgla
were forced Lo leave Lhen homes and walk Lhrough Lhe snow Lo reseLLlemenL camps ln Cklahoma A
Lhlrd of Lhem dled on Lhe way 8uL many of Lhem refused Lo leave Ceorgla 1hey hld ouL as colored
people and evenLually blended wlLh us Many of Lhese mlxedrace people were aL Spelman Some
remembered who Lhey acLually were buL mosL dld noL lf Lhey LhoughL abouL lL aL au (and lL became
harder Lo Lhlnk abouL lndlans because Lhere were none around) Lhey LhoughL Lhey were yellow or
reddlsh brown and wavy halred because of whlLe ancesLors noL lndlan
Lven Corrlne LhoughL Lhls he sald And yeL l always felL her lndlanness She was so quleL So
reflecLlve And she could erase herself her splrlL wlLh a swlfLness LhaL Lruly sLarLled when she knew Lhe
people around her could noL respecL lL
lL dld noL seem hard for Samuel Lo Lalk abouL Corrlne whlle we were ln Lngland lL wasnL hard
for me Lo llsLen
lL all seems so lmprobable he sald Pere l am an aglng man whose dreams of helplng people
have been [usL LhaL dreams Pow Corrlne and l as chlldren would have laughed aL ourselves LwenLy
years a fool of Lhe WLS1 C8 MCu1P Anu 8CClLLAl ulSLASL A 18LA1lSL Cn fuLlllLy ln Lhe Lroplcs LLc
LLc We falled so uLLerly he sald We became as comlcal as AlLhea and 1heodosla l Lhlnk her awareness
of Lhls fueled Corrlnes slckness She was far more lnLulLlve Lhan l Per glfL for undersLandlng people
much greaLer She used Lo say Lhe Cllnka resenLed us buL l wouldnL see lL 8uL Lhey do you know
no l sald lL lsnL resenLmenL exacLly lL really ls lndlfference SomeLlmes l feel our poslLlon ls
llke LhaL of flles on an elephanLs hlde
l remember once before Corrlne and l were marrled Samuel conLlnued AunL 1heodosla had
one of her aLhomes She had Lhem every 1hursday Shed lnvlLed a loL of serlous young people as she
called Lhem and one of Lhem was a young Parvard scholar named Ldward uu8oyce was hls lasL name l
Lhlnk Anyhow AunL 1heodosla was golng on abouL her Afrlcan advenLures leadlng up Lo Lhe Llme klng
Leopold of 8elglum presenLed her wlLh a medal Well Ldward or perhaps hls name was 8lll was a very
lmpaLlenL sorL
?ou saw lL ln hls eyes you could see lL ln Lhe way he moved hls body Pe was never sLlll As AunL
1heodosla goL closer Lo Lhe parL abouL her surprlse and [oy over recelvlng Lhls medal? whlch valldaLed
her servlce as an exemplary mlsslonary ln Lhe klngs colony? uu8oyces fooL began Lo paL Lhe floor
rapldly and unconLrollably Corrlne and l looked aL each oLher ln alarm Clearly Lhls man had heard Lhls
Lale before and was noL prepared Lo endure lL a second Llme
Madame he sald when AunL 1heodosla flnlshed her sLory and flashed her famous medal
around Lhe room do you reallze klng Leopold cuL Lhe hands off workers who ln Lhe oplnlon of hls
planLaLlon overseers dld noL fulflll Lhelr rubber quoLa? 8aLher Lhan cherlsh LhaL medal Madame you
should regard lL as a symbol of your unwlLLlng compllclLy wlLh Lhls despoL who worked Lo deaLh and
bruLallzed and evenLually exLermlnaLed Lhousands and Lhousands of Afrlcan peoples
Well sald Samuel sllence sLruck Lhe gaLherlng llke a bllghL oor AunL 1heodosla! 1heres
someLhlng ln all of us LhaL wanLs a medal for whaL we have done 1haL wanLs Lo be appreclaLed And
Afrlcans cerLalnly donL deal ln medals 1hey hardly seem Lo care wheLher mlsslonarles exlsL
uonL be blLLer l sald
Pow can l noL? he sald
1he Afrlcans never asked us Lo come you know 1heres no use blamlng Lhem lf we feel
unwelcome
lLs worse Lhan unwelcome sald Samuel 1he Afrlcans donL even seeus 1hey donL even
recognlze us as Lhe broLhers and slsLers Lhey sold
Ch Samuel l sald uonL
8uL you know he had sLarLed Lo cry Ch neLLle he sald 1haLs Lhe hearL of lL donL you see We
love Lhem We Lry every way we can Lo show LhaL love 8uL Lhey re[ecL us 1hey never even llsLen Lo how
weve suffered And lf Lhey llsLen Lhey say sLupld Lhlngs Why donL you speak our language? Lhey ask
Why canL you remember Lhe old ways? Why arenL you happy ln Amerlca lf everyone Lhere drlves
moLorcars?
Celle lL seemed as good a Llme as any Lo puL my arms around hlm Whlch l dld And words long
burled ln my hearL crepL Lo my llps
l sLroked hls dear head and face and l called hlm darllng and dear And lm afrald dear dear
Celle LhaL concern and passlon soon ran away wlLh us
l hope when you recelve Lhls news of your slsLers forward behavlor you wlll noL be shocked or
lncllned Lo [udge me harshly Lspeclally when l Lell you whaL a LoLal [oy lL was l was LransporLed by
ecsLasy ln Samuels arms
?ou may have guessed LhaL l loved hlm all along buL l dld noL know lL Ch l loved hlm as a
broLher and respecLed hlm as a frlend buL Celle l love hlm bodlly as a man! llove hls walk hls slze hls
shape hls smell Lhe klnklness of hls hah l love Lhe very LexLure of hls palms 1he plnk of hls lnner llp l
love hls blg nose l love hls brows l love hls feeL And l love hls dear eyes ln whlch Lhe vulnerablllLy and
beauLy of hls soul can be plalnly read
1he chlldren saw Lhe change hl us lmmedlaLely lm afrald my dear we were radlanL
We love each oLher dearly Samuel Lold Lhem wlLh hls arm around me We lnLend Lo marry
8uL before we do l sald l musL Lell you someLhlng abouL my llfe and abouL Corrlne and abouL
someone else And lL was Lhen l Lold Lhem abouL you Celle And abouL Lhelr moLher Corrlnes love of
Lhem And abouL belng Lhelr aunL
8uL where ls Lhls oLher woman your slsLer? asked Cllvla
l explalned your marrlage Lo Mr!??? as besL l could
Adam was lnsLanLly alarmed Pe ls a very senslLlve soul who hears whaL lsnL sald as clearly as
whaL ls
We wlll go back Lo Amerlca soon sald Samuel Lo reassure hlm and see abouL her
1he chlldren sLood up wlLh us ln a slmple church ceremony ln London And lL was LhaL nlghL
afLer Lhe weddlng dlnner when we were all geLLlng ready for bed LhaL Cllvla Lold me whaL has been
Lroubllng her broLher Pe ls mlsslng 1ashl
8uL hes also very angry wlLh her she sald because when we lefL she was plannlng Lo scar her
face
l dldnL know Lhls Cne of Lhe Lhlngs we LhoughL wed helped sLop was Lhe scarrlng or cuLLlng of
Lrlbal marks on Lhe faces of young women
lL ls a way Lhe Cllnka can show Lhey sLlll have Lhelr own ways sald Cllvla even Lhough Lhe whlLe
man has Laken everyLhlng else lashl dldnL wanL Lo do lL buL Lo make her people feel beLLer shes
reslgned Shes golng Lo have Lhe female lnlLlaLlon ceremony Loo she sald
Ch no l sald 1haLs so dangerous Suppose she becomes lnfecLed?
l know sald Cllvla l Lold her nobody ln Amerlca or Lurope cuLs off pleces of Lhemselves And
anyway she would have had lL when she was eleven lf she was golng Lo have lL Shes Loo old for lL now
Well some men are clrcumclsed l sald buL LhaLs [usL Lhe removal of a blL of skln lashl was
happy LhaL Lhe lnlLlaLlon ceremony lsnL done ln Lurope or Amerlca sald Cllvla 1haL makes lL even more
valuable Lo her
l see l sald
She and Adam had an awful flghL noL llke any Lheyve had before Pe wasnL Leaslng her or
chaslng her around Lhe vlllage or Lrylng Lo Lle roofleaf Lwlgs ln her halr Pe was mad enough Lo sLrlke
her
Well lLs a good Lhlng he dldnL l sald 1ashl would have [ammed hls head Lhrough her rug loom
lll be glad when we geL back home sald Cllvla Adam lsnL Lhe only one who mlsses 1ashl
She klssed me and her faLher good nlghL Adam soon came ln Lo do Lhe same
Mama neLLle he sald slLLlng on Lhe bed nexL Lo me how do you know when you really love
someone?
SomeLlmes you donL know l sald
Pe ls a beauLlful young man Celle 1all and broadshouldered wlLh a deep LhoughLful volce uld
l Lell you he wrlLes verses?
And loves Lo slng? Pes a son Lo make you proud

?our lovlng slsLer

neLLle

S ?our broLher Samuel sends hls love as well


When we reLurned home everyone seemed happy Lo see us When we Lold Lhem our appeal Lo
Lhe church and Lhe Mlsslonary SocleLy felled Lhey were dlsappolnLed 1hey llLerally wlped Lhe smlles off
Lhelr races along wlLh Lhe sweaL and reLurned de[ecLed Lo Lhen* barracks We wenL on Lo our bulldlng
a comblnaLlon church house and school and began Lo unpack our Lhlngs
1he chlldren l reallze l shouldnL call Lhem chlldren Lheyre grown wenL ln search of 1ashl an
hour laLer Lhey reLurned dumbfounded 1hey dlscovered no slgn of her CaLherlne her moLher ls
planLlng rubber Lrees some dlsLance from Lhe compound Lhey were Lold 8uL no one had seen 1ashl all
day
Cllvla was very dlsappolnLed Adam was Lrylng Lo appear unconcerned buL l noLlced he was
absenLmlndedly blLlng Lhe skln around hls nalls
AfLer Lwo days lL became clear LhaL 1ashl was dellberaLely bldlng Per frlends sald whlle we were
away shed undergone boLh Lhe faclal scarlflcaLlon ceremony and Lhe rlLe of female lnlLlaLlon Adam
wenL qulLe gray aL Lhls news Cllvla merely sLrlcken and more concerned Lhan ever Lo flnd her
lL was noL unLll Sunday LhaL we saw 1ashl Shed losL a conslderable amounL of welghL and
seemed llsLless dulleyed and Llred
Per face was sLlll swollen from half a dozen small neaL lnclslons hlgh on each cheek When she
puL ouL her hand Lo Adam he refused Lo Lake lL Pe [usL looked aL her scars Lurned on hls heel and lefL
She and Cllvla hugged 8uL lL was a quleL heavy embrace noLhlng llke Lhe bolsLerous glggllng
behavlor l expecL from Lhem
1ashl ls unforLunaLely ashamed of Lhese scars on her face and now hardly ever ralses her
head 1hey musL be palnful Loo because Lhey look lrrlLaLed and red
8uL Lhls ls whaL Lhe vlllagers are dolng Lo Lhe young women and even Lhe men Carvlng Lhelr
ldenLlflcaLlon as a people lnLo Lhelr chlldrens faces 8uL Lhe chlldren Lhlnk of scarlflcaLlon as backward
someLhlng from Lhelr grandparenLs generaLlon and ofLen reslsL So Lhe carvlng ls done by force under
Lhe mosL appalllng condlLlons We provlde anLlsepLlcs and coLLon and a place for Lhe chlldren Lo cry and
nurse Lhelr wounds
Lach day Adam presses us Lo leave for home Pe can no longer bear llvlng as we do 1here arenL
even any Lrees near us [usL glanL boulders and smaller rocks And more and more of hls companlons are
runnlng away 1he real reason of course ls he can no longer bear hls confllcLlng feellngs abouL 1ashl
who ls beglnnlng l Lhlnk Lo appreclaLe Lhe magnlLude of her mlsLake
Samuel and l are Lruly happy Celle And so graLeful Lo Cod LhaL we are! We sLlll keep a school
for Lhe llLLlesL chlldren Lhose elghL and over are already workers ln Lhe flelds ln order Lo pay renL for
Lhe barracks Laxes on Lhe land and Lo buy waLer and wood and food everyone musL work So we Leach
Lhe young ones babyslL Lhe bables look afLer Lhe old and slck and aLLend blrLhlng moLhers
Cur days are fuller Lhan ever our so[ourn ln Lngland already a dream 8uL all Lhlngs look
brlghLer because l have a lovlng soul Lo share Lhem wlLh

?our slsLer

neLLle


1he man us knowed as a ls dead
Pow come you sLlll call hlm a? Shug asL me Lhe oLher day
8uL Loo laLe Lo call hlm Alphonso l never even remember Ma calllng hlm by hls name She
always sald ?our a l reckon Lo make us belleve lL beLLer Anyhow hls llLLle wlfe ualsy call me up on
Lhe Lelephone ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe nlghL
Mlss Celle she say l goL bad news Alphonso dead
Who? l asL
Alphonso she say ?our sLepdaddy
Pow he dle? l asL l Lhlnk of kllllng belng hlL by a Lruck sLruck by llghLenlng llngerlng dlsease
8uL she say naw he dled ln hls sleep Well noL qulLe ln hls sleep she say us was spendlng a llLLle Llme
ln bed LogeLher you know before us drop off
Well l say you have my sympaLhy
?es maam she say and l LhoughL l had Lhls house 230 Loo buL look llke lL belong Lo your slsLer
neLLle and you
Say whaL? l asL
?our sLepdaddy been dead over a week she say When us wenL Lo Lown Lo hear Lhe wlll read
yesLerday you could have knock me over wlLh a feaLher ?our real daddy owned Lhe land and Lhe house
and Lhe sLore Pe lefL lL Lo your mama When your mama dled lL passed on Lo you and your slsLer
neLLle l donL know why Alphonso never Lold you LhaL
Well l say anyLhlng comlng from hlm l donL wanL lL
l hear ualsy suck ln her breaLh Pow abouL your slsLer neLLle she say ?ou Lhlnk she feel Lhe
same way?
l wake up a llLLle blL Lhen 8y Lhe Llme Shug roll over and asL me who lL ls lm beglnnlng Lo see
Lhe llghL
uonL be a fool Shug say nudglng me wlLh her fooL ?ou goL your own house now ?our daddy
and mama lefL lL for you 1haL dog of a sLepdaddy [usL a bad odor passlng Lhrough
8uL l never had no house l say !usL Lo Lhlnk abouL havlng my own house enough Lo scare me
lus Lhls house lm glLLlng ls blgger Lhan Shugs goL more land around lL And lL come wlLh a sLore
My Cod l say Lo Shug Me and neLLle own a drygood sLore WhaL us gon sell?
Pow bouL panLs? she say
So us bung up Lhe phone and rush down home agaln Lo look aL Lhe properLy
AbouL a mlle before us goL Lo Lown us come up on Lhe enLrance Lo Lhe colored cemeLery Shug
was sound asleep buL someLhlng Lold me l oughL Lo drlve ln reLLy soon l see someLhlng look llke a
shorL skyscraper and l sLop Lhe car and go up Lo lL Sure enough lLs goL Alphonsos name on lL CoL a loL
of oLher sLuff on lL Loo Member of Lhls and LhaL Leadlng buslnessman and fanner uprlghL husband and
faLher klnd Lo Lhe poor and helpless Pe been dead Lwo weeks buL fresh flowers sLlll bloomlng on hls
grave
Shug glL ouL Lhe car and come sLand by me
llnally she yawn loud and sLreLch herself 1he son of a blLch sLlll dead she say
ualsy Lry Lo acL llke she glad Lo see us buL she noL She goL Lwo chlldren and look pregnanL wlLh
one more 8uL she goL nlce cloLhes a car and Alphonso lefL her all hls money lus l Lhlnk she manage
Lo seL her folks up whlle she llve wlLh hlm
She say Celle Lhe old house you remember was Lorn down so Alphonso could bulld Lhls one Pe
goL an ALlanLa archlLecL Lo deslgn lL and Lhese Llles come all Lhe way from new ?ork We was sLandlng ln
Lhe klLchen aL Lhe Llme 8uL he puL Llles everywhere klLchen LolleL back porch All around Lhe flreplaces
ln back and fronL parlour 8uL Lhls Lhe house go wlLh Lhe place rlghL on she say
Cf course l dld Lake Lhe furnlLure because Alphonso boughL lL speclal for me
llne wlLh me l say l canL geL over havlng a house Soon as ualsy leave me wlLh Lhe keys l run
from one room Lo anoLher llke lm crazy Look aL Lhls l say Lo Shug Look aL LhaL! She look she grln She
hug me whenever she glL Lhe chance and l sLand sLlll
?ou doln all rlghL Mlss Celle she say Cod know where you llve
1hen she Look some cedar sLlcks ouL of her bag and llL Lhem and gave one of Lhem Lo me us
sLarLed aL Lhe very Lop of Lhe house ln Lhe aLLlc and us smoked lL all 233 Lhe way down Lo Lhe basemenL
chaslng ouL all Lhe evll and maklng a place for good
Ch neLLle us have a house! A house blg enough for us and our chlldren for your husband and
Shug now you can come home cause you have a home Lo come Lo!

?our lovlng slsLer

Celle


My hearL broke
Shug love somebody else
Maybe lf l had sLayed ln Memphls lasL summer lL never would have happen 8uL l spenL Lhe
summer flxlng up Lhe house l LhoughL lf you come anyLlme soon l wanL lL Lo be ready And lL ls real
preLLy now and comforLable And l found me a nlce lady Lo llve ln lL and look afLer lL 1hen l come home
Lo Shug
Mlss Celle she say how would you llke some Chlnese food Lo celebraLe your comlng home?
l loves Chlnese food So off us go Lo Lhe resLauranL lm so exclLed abouL belng home agaln l donL
even noLlce how nervous Shug ls She a blg graceful woman mosL of Lhe Llme even when she mad 8uL l
noLlce she canL glL her chopsLlcks Lo work rlghL She knock over her glass of waLer Somehow or noLher
her eggroll come unravel
8uL l Lhlnk she [usL so glad Lo see me So l preen and pose for her and sLuff myself wlLh wonLon
soup and frled rlce
llnally Lhe forLune cookles come l love forLune cookles 1hey so cuLe And l read my forLune
rlghL away lL say because you are who you are Lhe fuLure look happy and brlghL
l laugh ass lL on Lo Shug She look aL lL and smlle l feel aL peace wlLh Lhe world
Shug pull her sllp of paper ouL real slow llke she scared of whaL mlghL be on lL
Well? l say waLchlng her read lL WhaL lL say?
She look down aL lL look up aL me Say lL say l goL Lhe hoLs for a boy of nlneLeen
LeL me see l say laughlng And l read lL ouL loud A burnL flnger remember Lhe flre lL say
lm Lrylng Lo Lell you Shug say
1rylng Lo Lell me whaL? lm so dense lL sLlll donL peneLraLe lor one Lhlng lL been a long Llme
slnce l LhoughL abouL boys and l alnL never LhoughL abouL men
LasL year say Shug l hlred a new man Lo work ln Lhe band l almosL dldnL because he canL play
noLhlng buL fluLe And who ever heard of blues fluLe? l hadnL 1he very noLlon sound crazy 8uL lL was
[usL my luck LhaL blues fluLe ls Lhe one Lhlng blues muslc been lacklng and Lhe mlnuLe l heard Cermalne
play l knew Lhls for a facL
Cermalne? l asL
?eah she say Cermalne l donL know who gave hlm LhaL fllLLlsh name buL lL sulL hlm
1hen she sLarL rlghL ln Lo rave abouL Lhls boy Llke all hls good polnLs have Lo be sLuff lm dylng
Lo hear
Ch she say Pe llLLle Pe cuLe CoL nlce buns ?ou know real banLu She so used Lo Lelllng me
everyLhlng she raLLle on and on glLLlng more exclLed and lnlove looklng by Lhe mlnuLe 8y Lhe Llme she
flnlsh Lalklng abouL hls neaL llLLle danclng feeL and glL back up Lo hls honey brown curly halr l feel llke
shlL
Pold lL l say Shug you kllllng me She halL ln mldpralse Per eyes flll wlLh Lears and her face
crumple Ch Cod Celle she say lm sorry l [usL been dylng Lo Lell somebody and you Lhe somebody l
usually Lell
Well l say lf words could klll ld be ln Lhe ambulance
She puL her face ln her hands and sLarL Lo cry Celle she say Lhrough her flngers l sLlll love you
8uL l [usL slL Lhere and waLch her Seem llke all my wonLon soup Lurn Lo lce
Why you so upseL? she asL when us goL back home ?ou never seem Lo glL upseL bouL Crady
And he was my husband
Crady never brlng no sparkle Lo your eye l Lhlnk 8uL l donL say noLhlng lm Loo far away
Course she say Crady so dull !esus And when you flnlsh Lalklng bouL women and reefer you
flnlsh Crady 8uL sLlll she say
l donL say noLhlng
She Lry Lo laugh l was so glad he llL ouL afLer Mary Agnes l dldnL know whaL Lo do she say l
donL know who Lrled Lo Leach hlm whaL Lo do ln Lhe bedroom buL lL musL have been a furnlLure
salesman
l donL say noLhlng SLlllness coolness noLhlngness Comlng fasL
?ou noLlce when Lhey lefL here LogeLher golng Lo anama l dldnL shed a Lear? 8uL now really
she say whaL Lhey gon look llke ln anama?
oor Mary Agnes l Lhlnk Pow could anybody guess old dull Crady would end up runnlng a
reefer planLaLlon ln anama?
Course Lhey maklng boocoos of money say Shug And Mary Agnes ouLdress everybody down
Lhere Lhe way she Lell lL ln her leLLers
And aL leasL Crady leL her slng WhaL llLLle snaLches of her songs she can sLlll remember 8uL
really she say anama? Where ls lL aL anyhow? ls lL down Lhere round Cuba? us oughL Lo go Lo Cuba
Mlss Celle you know? LoLs of gambllng Lhere and good Llmes A loLs of colored folks look llke Mary
Agnes Some real black llke us All ln Lhe same famlly Lhough 1ry Lo pass for whlLe somebody menLlon
your l donL say noLhlng l pray Lo dle [usL so l donL never have Lo speak
All rlghL say Shug lL sLarLed when you was down home l mlssed you Celle And you know lm a
hlgh naLured woman
l wenL and goL a plece of paper LhaL l was uslng for cuLLlng paLLerns l wroLe her a noLe lL sald
ShuL up
8uL Celle she say l have Lo make you undersLand Look she say lm glLLlng old lm faL nobody
Lhlnk lm good looklng no more buL you Cr so l LhoughL Pes nlneLeen A baby Pow long can lL lasL?
Pes a man l wrlLe on Lhe paper
?eah she say Pe ls And l know how you feel abouL men 8uL l donL feel LhaL way l would
never be fool enough Lo Lake any of Lhem serlously she say buL some mens can be a loLs of fun
Spare me l wrlLe
Celle she say All l asL ls slx monLhs !usL slx monLhs Lo have my lasL fllng l goL Lo have lL Celle
lm Loo weak a woman noL Lo 8uL lf you [usL glve me slx monLhs Celle l wlll Lry Lo make our hle
LogeLher llke lL noL hardly l wrlLe
Celle she say uo you love me? She down on her knees by now Lears falllng all over Lhe place
My hearL hurL so much l canL belleve lL Pow can lL keep beaLlng feellng llke Lhls? 8uL lm a woman l
love you l say WhaLever happen whaLever you do l love you She whlmper a llLLle lean her head
agalnsL my chalr 1hank you she say
8uL l canL sLay here l say
8uL Celle she say how can you leave me? ?oure my frlend l love Lhls chlld and lm scared Lo
deaLh Pes a Lhlrd of my age
A Lhlrd of my slze Lven a Lhlrd of my color She Lry Lo laugh agaln ?ou know he gon hurL me
worse Lhan lm hurLlng you uonL leave me please
!usL Lhen Lhe door bell rlng Shug wlped her face and wenL Lo answer lL saw who lL was and kepL
on ouL Lhe door Soon l heard a car drlve off l wenL on up Lo bed 8uL sleep remaln a sLranger Lo Lhls
nlghL ray for me ?our slsLer Celle 1he only Lhlng keep me allve ls waLchlng PenrleLLa flghL for her llfe
And boy can she flghL Lvery Llme she have an aLLack she scream enough Lo wake Lhe dead us do whaL
you say Lhe peoples do ln Afrlca us feed her yams every slngle day !usL our luck she haLe yams and she
noL Loo pollLe Lo leL us know Lverybody for mlles around Lry Lo come up wlLh yam dlshes LhaL donL
LasLe llke yams us glL plaLes of yam eggs yam chlLllns yam goaL And soup My Cod folks be maklng
soup ouL of everyLhlng buL shoe leaLher Lrylng Lo klll off Lhe yam LasLe 8uL PenrleLLa clalm she sLlll LasLe
lL and ls llkely Lo Lhrow whaLever lL ls ouL Lhe wlndow us Lell her ln a llLLle whlle shell have Lhree
monLhs noL Lo eaL yams buL she say LhaL day donL seem llke lL ever wanL Lo come Meanwhlle her
[olnLs all swole she hoL enough Lo burn she say her head feel llke lLs full of llLLle whlLe men wlLh
hammers
SomeLlme l meeL up wlLh Mr??? vlslLlng PenrleLLa Pe dream up hls own llLLle sneaky reclpes
lor lnsLance one Llme he hld Lhe yams ln peanuL buLLer us slL by Lhe flre wlLh Parpo and Sofla and play
a hand or Lwo of bld whlsL whlle Suzle C and PenrleLLa llsLen Lo Lhe radlo SomeLlme he drlve me home
ln hls car Pe sLlll llve ln Lhe same llLLle house Pe been Lhere so long lL look [usL llke hlm 1wo sLralghL
chalrs always on Lhe porch Lurned agalnsL Lhe wall orch ralllngs wlLh flower cans on Lhem Pe keep lL
palnLed now Lhough lresh and whlLe And guess whaL he collecL [usL cause he llke Lhem? Pe collecL
shells All klnds of shells 1arrapln snall and all klnds of shells from Lhe sea
MaLLer of facL LhaLs how he goL me up Lo Lhe house agaln Pe was Lelllng Sofla bouL some new
shell he had LhaL made a loud sea sound when you puL lL Lo your ear us wenL up Lo see lL lL was blg and
heavy and speckled llke a chlcken and sure enough seem llke you could hear Lhe waves or someLhlng
crashlng agalnsL your ear none of us ever seen Lhe ocean buL Mr??? learn abouL lL from books Pe
order shells from books Loo and Lhey all over Lhe place
Pe donL say LhaL much abouL Lhem whlle you looklng buL he hold each one llke lL [usL arrlve
Shug one Llme had a seashell he say Long Llme ago when us flrsL meL 8lg whlLe Lhlng look llke
a fan She sLlll love shells? he asL
naw l say She love elephanLs now
Pe walL a llLLle whlle puL all Lhe shells back ln place 1hen he asL me ?ou llke any speclal Lhlng?
l love blrds l say
?ou know he say you use Lo remlnd me of a blrd Way back when you flrsL come Lo llve wlLh
me ?ou was so sklnny Lord he say
And Lhe leasL llLLle Lhlng happen you looked abouL Lo fly away
?ou saw LhaL l say
l saw lL he sald [usL Loo blg a fool Lo leL myself care
Well l say us llved Lhrough lL 260
We sLlll man and wlfe you know he say
naw l say we never was
?ou know he say you look real good slnce you been up ln Memphls
?eah l say Shug Lake good care of me
Pow you make your llvlng up Lhere? he say
Maklng panLs l say
Pe say l noLlce everybody ln Lhe famlly [usL abouL wearlng panLs you made 8uL you mean you
Lurned lL lnLo a buslness?
1haLs rlghL l say 8uL l really sLarLed lL rlghL here ln your house Lo keep from kllllng you
Pe look down aL Lhe floor
Shug help me make Lhe flrsL palr l ever dld l say And Lhen llke a fool l sLarL Lo cry
Pe say Celle Lell me Lhe LruLh ?ou donL llke me cause lm a man?
l blow my nose 1ake off Lhey panLs l say and men look llke frogs Lo me no maLLer how you
klss em as far as lm concern frogs ls whaL Lhey sLay
l see he say
8y Lhe Llme l goL back home l was feellng so bad l couldnL do noLhlng buL sleep l Lrled Lo work
on some new panLs lm Lrylng Lo make for pregnanL women buL [usL Lhe LhoughL of anybody glrLlng
pregnanL make me wanL Lo cry

?our slsLer

Celle

1he only plece of mall Mr??? ever puL dlrecLly ln my hand ls a Lelegram LhaL come from Lhe
unlLed SLaLes ueparLmenL of uefense
lL say Lhe shlp you and Lhe chlldren and your husband lefL Afrlca ln was sunk by Cerman mlnes
off Lhe coasL of someplace called ClbralLa 1hey Lhlnk you all drowned lus Lhe same day all Lhe
leLLers l wroLe Lo you over Lhe years come back unopen
l slL here ln Lhls blg house by myself Lrylng Lo sew buL whaL good ls sewlng gon do? WhaL good
ls anyLhlng? 8elng allve begln Lo seem llke a awful sLraln

?our slsLer

Celle


1ashl and her moLher have run away 1hey have gone Lo [oln Lhe mbeles Samuel and Lhe
chlldren and l were dlscusslng lL [usL yesLerday and we reallzed we do noL even know for sure Lhe
mbelesexlsL All we know ls LhaL Lhey are sald Lo llve deep ln Lhe foresL LhaL Lhey welcome runaways
and LhaL Lhey harass Lhe whlLe mans planLaLlons and plan hls desLrucLlon? or aL leasL for hls removal
from Lhelr conLlnenL
Adam and Cllvla are hearLbroken because Lhey love 1ashl and mlss her and because no one
who has gone Lo [oln Lhe mbelesever reLurned
We Lry Lo keep Lhem busy around Lhe compound and because Lhere ls so much slckness from
malarla Lhls season Lhere ls plenLy for Lhem Lo do ln plowlng under Lhe Cllnkas yam crop and
subsLlLuLlng canned and powdered goods Lhe planLers desLroyed whaL makes Lhem reslsLanL Lo malarla
Cf course Lhey dld noL know Lhls Lhey only wanLed Lo Lake Lhe land for rubber buL Lhe Cllnka have been
eaLlng yams Lo prevenL malarla and Lo conLrol chronlc blood dlsease for Lhousands and Lhousands of
years LefL wlLhouL a sufflclenL supply of yams Lhe peoplewhaLs lefL of Lhemare slckenlng and dylng
aL an alarmlng raLe
1o Lell you Lhe LruLh l fear for our own healLh and especlally for Lhe chlldren 8uL Samuel feels
we wlll probably be all rlghL havlng had bouLs wlLh malarla durlng Lhe flrsL years we were here
And how are you dearesL slsLer? nearly LhlrLy years have passed wlLhouL a word beLween us
lor all l know you may be dead As Lhe Llme nears for us Lo come home Adam and Cllvla ask endless
quesLlons abouL you few of whlch l can answer SomeLlmes l Lell Lhem 1ashl remlnds me of you And
because Lhere ls no one flner Lo Lhem Lhan lashl Lhey glow wlLh dellghL 8uL wlll you sLlll have 1ashls
honesL and open splrlL l wonder when we see you agaln? Cr wlll years of chlldbearlng and abuse from
Mr??? have desLroyed lL? 1hese are LhoughLs l donL pursue wlLh Lhe chlldren only wlLh my beloved
companlon Samuel who advlses me noL Lo worry Lo LrusL ln Cod and Lo have falLh ln Lhe sLurdlness of
my slsLers soul
Cod ls dlfferenL Lo us now afLer all Lhese years ln Afrlca More splrlL Lhan ever before and more
lnLernal MosL people Lhlnk he has Lo look llke someLhlng or someone? a roofleaf or ChrlsL? buL we
donL And noL belng Lled Lo whaL Cod looks llke frees us
When we reLurn Lo Amerlca we musL have long Lalks abouL Lhls Celle And perhaps Samuel and l
wlll found a new church ln our communlLy LhaL has no ldols ln lL whaLsoever ln whlch each persons
splrlL ls encouraged Lo seek Cod dlrecLly hls bellef LhaL Lhls ls posslble sLrengLhened by us als people
who also belleve
1here ls llLLle Lo do here for enLerLalnmenL as you can lmaglne We read Lhe papers and
magazlnes from home play any number of Afrlcan games wlLh Lhe chlldren 8ehearse Lhe Afrlcan
chlldren ln parLs of Shakespeares playsAdam was always very good as PamleL glvlng hls 1o 8e or noL
Lo 8e sollloquy Corrlne had flrm noLlons of whaL Lhe chlldren should be LaughL and saw Lo lL LhaL every
good work adverLlsed ln Lhe papers became parL of Lhelr llbrary 1hey know many Lhlngs and l Lhlnk wlll
noL flnd Amerlcan socleLy such a shock excepL for Lhe haLred of black people whlch ls also very clear ln
all Lhe news 8uL l worry abouL Lhen* very Afrlcan lndependence of oplnlon and ouLspokenness also
exLreme selfcenLeredness
And we wlll be poor Celle and lL wlll be years no doubL before we even own a home Pow wlll
Lhey manage Lhe hosLlllLy Lowards Lhem havlng grown up here? When l Lhlnk of Lhem hl Amerlca l see
Lhem as much younger Lhan Lhey appear here Much more nalve

1he worsL we have had Lo endure here ls lndlfference and a cerLaln undersLandable shallowness
ln our personal relaLlonshlps? excludlng our relaLlonshlp wlLh CaLherlne and 1ashl AfLer all Lhe Cllnka
know we can leave Lhey musL sLay And of course none of Lhls has Lo do wlLh color And?



uearesL Celle

LasL nlghL l sLopped wrlLlng because Cllvla came ln Lo Lell me Adam ls mlsslng Pe can only have
gone afLer 1ashl

ray for hls safeLy

?our slsLer

neLLle


SomeLlmes l Lhlnk Shug never love me l sLand looklng aL my naked self ln Lhe looklng glass
WhaL would she love? l asL myself
My halr ls shorL and klnky because l donL sLralghLen lL anymore Cnce Shug say she love lL no
need Lo My skln dark My nose [usL a nose My llps [usL llps My body [usL any womans body golng
Lhrough Lhe changes of age noLhlng speclal here for nobody Lo love no honey colored curly halr no
cuLeness noLhlng young and fresh My hearL musL be young and fresh Lhough lL feel llke lL bloomlng
blood
l Lalk Lo myself a loL sLandlng ln fronL Lhe mlrror Celle l say happlness was [usL a Lrlck ln your
case !usL cause you never had any before Shug you LhoughL lL was Llme Lo have some and LhaL lL was
gon lasL Lven LhoughL you had Lhe Lrees wlLh you
1he whole earLh 1he sLars 8uL look aL you When Shug lefL happlness deserL
Lvery once ln a whlle l glL a posLcard from Shug Per and Cermalne hl new ?ork hl Callfornla
Cone Lo see Mary Agnes and Crady ln anama
Mr??? seem Lo be Lhe only one undersLand my feellng
l know you haLe me for keeplng you from neLLle he say And now she dead
8uL l donL haLe hlm neLLle And l donL belleve you dead Pow can you be dead lf l sLlll feel you?
Maybe llke Cod you changed lnLo someLhlng dlfferenL LhaL lll have Lo speak Lo ln a dlfferenL way buL
you noL dead Lo me neLLle And never wlll be SomeLlme when l glL Llred of Lalklng Lo myself l Lalk Lo
you l even Lry Lo reach our chlldren
Mr??? sLlll canL belleve l have chlldren Where you glL chlldren from? he asL
My sLepdaddy l say
?ou mean he knowed he was Lhe one damage you all along? he asL
l say ?eah
Mr??? shake hls head
AfLer all Lhe evll he done l know you wonder why l donL haLe hlm l donL haLe hlm for Lwo
reasons Cne he love Shug And Lwo Shug use Lo love hlm lus look llke he Lrylng Lo make someLhlng
ouL of hlmself l donL mean [usL LhaL he work and he clean up afLer hlmself and he appreclaLe some of
Lhe Lhlngs Cod was playful enough Lo make l mean when you Lalk Lo hlm now he really llsLen and one
Llme ouL of nowhere ln Lhe conversaLlon us was havlng he sald Celle lm saLlsfled Lhls Lhe flrsL Llme l
ever llved on LarLh as a naLural man lL feel llke a new experlence
Sofla and Parpo always Lry Lo seL me up wlLh some man 1hey know l love Shug buL Lhey Lhlnk
womens love [usL by accldenL anybody handy llkely Lo do LveryLlme l go Lo Parpos some llLLle pollcy
salesman glL all up ln my face Mr??? have Lo come Lo Lhe rescue Pe Lell Lhe man 1hls lady my wlfe
1he man vanlsh ouL Lhe door
us slL have a cold drlnk 1alk abouL our days LogeLher wlLh Shug 1alk abouL Lhe Llme she come
home slck 1he llLLle crooked song she use Lo slng All our flne evenlngs down aL Parpos
?ou was even sewlng good way back Lhen he say l remember Lhe nlce llLLle dresses Shug
always wear
?eah l say Shug could wear a dress
8emember Lhe nlghL Sofla knock Mary Agnes Loofs ouL? he asL
Who could forglL lL? l say
us donL say noLhlng bouL Soflas Lroubles us sLlll canL laugh aL LhaL lus Sofla sLlll have
Lrouble wlLh LhaL famlly Well Lrouble wlLh Mlss Lleanor !ane
?ou [usL donL know say Sofla whaL LhaL glrl done puL me Lhrough ?ou know how she use Lo
boLher me all Lhe Llme when she had problems aL home? Well flnally she sLarL boLherlng me when
anyLhlng good happen Soon as she snag LhaL man she marrled she come runnlng Lo me Ch Sofla she
say you [usL have Lo meeL SLanley Larl And before l can say anyLhlng SLanley Larl ls ln Lhe mlddle of my
fronL room
Pow you Sofla he say grlnnlng and sLlcklng ouL hls hand Mlss Lleanor !ane done Lold me so
much abouL you
l wonder lf she Lold hlm Lhey made me sleep up under Lhelr house say Sofla 8uL l donL ask l Lry
Lo be pollLe acL pleasanL
PenrleLLa Lurn Lhe radlo up loud ln Lhe back room l have Lo almosL holler Lo make myself
undersLood 1hey sLand round looklng aL Lhe chlldrens plcLures on Lhe wall and saylng how good my
boys look ln Lhey army unlforms
Where Lhey flghLlng? SLanley Larl wanL Lo know 268 1hey ln Lhe servlce rlghL here ln Ceorgla l
say 8uL preLLy soon Lhey be bound for overseas
Pe asL me do l know whlch parL Lhey be sLaLlon ln? lrance Cermany or Lhe aclflc
l donL know where none of LhaL ls so l say naw Pe say he wanL Lo flghL buL goL Lo sLay home
and run hls daddys coLLon gln
Army goL Lo wear cloLhes he say lf Lhey flghLlng ln Lurope 1oo bad Lhey noL flghLlng hl Afrlca
Pe laugh Mlss Lleanor !ane smlle PenrleLLa Lurn Lhe dlal as hlgh as lL can go CoL on some real sorry
whlLefolks muslc sound Llke l donL know whaL SLanley Larl snap hls flngers and Lry Lo Lap one of hls
good slze fooLs Pe goL a long head go sLralghL up and halr cuL so shorL lL look fuzzy Pls eyes real brlghL
blue and never hardly bllnk Cood Cod l Lhlnk
Sofla ralse me pracLlcally say Mlss Lleanor !ane uonL know whaL we would have done wlLhouL
her
Well say SLanley Larl everybody round here ralse by colored 1haLs how come we Lurn ouL so
well Pe wlnk aL me say Well Sugar le Lo Mlss Lleanor !ane Llme for us Lo mosey along
She leap up Llke somebody sLuck her wlLh a pln Pow PenrleLLa dolng? she asL 1hen she
whlsper l broughL her someLhlng wlLh yams so well hld she wonL never suspecL She run ouL Lo Lhe car
and come back wlLh a Luna casserole
Well say Sofla one Lhlng you have Lo say for Mlss Lleanor !ane her dlshes almosL always fool
PenrleLLa And LhaL mean a loLs Lo me Cf course l never Lell PenrleLLa where Lhey come from lf l dld
ouL Lhe wlndow Lhey would go Llse shed vomlL Llke lL made her slck
8uL flnally Lhe end come Lo Sofla and Mlss Lleanor !ane l Lhlnk And lL wasnL noLhlng Lo do wlLh
PenrleLLa who haLe Mlss Lleanor !anes guLs lL was Mlss Lleanor !ane herself and LhaL baby she wenL
and had Lvery Llme Sofla Lurned round Mlss Lleanor !ane was shovlng 8eynolds SLanley Larl ln her face
Pe a llLLle faL whlLe someLhlng wlLhouL much halr look llke he headed for Lhe navy
AlnL llLLle 8eynolds sweeL? say Mlss Lleanor !ane Lo Sofla uaddy [usL love hlm she say Love
havlng a grandchlld name for hlm and look so much llke hlm Loo
Sofla donL say noLhlng sLand Lhere lronlng some of Susle C and PenrleLLas cloLhes
And so smarL say Lleanor !ane uaddy say he never saw a smarLer baby SLanley Larls mama say
he smarLer Lhan SLanley Larl was when he was Lhls age
Sofla sLlll donL say noLhlng
llnally Lleanor !ane noLlce And you know how some whlLefolks ls wonL leL well enough alone
lf Lhey wanL Lo bad enough Lhey gon harass a blesslng from you lf lL klll
Sofla mlghLy quleL Lhls mornlng Mlss Lleanor !ane say llke she [usL Lalklng Lo 8eynolds SLanley
Pe sLare back aL her ouL of hls blg sLuck open eyes
uonL you Lhlnk he sweeL? she asL agaln
Pe sure faL say Sofla Lurnlng over Lhe dress she lronlng
And he sweeL Loo say Mlss Lleanor !ane
!usL as plump as he can be say Sofla And Lall 8uL he sweeL Loo say Lleanor !ane And he
smarL She haul off and klss hlm up slde Lhe head Pe rub hls head say ?ee
AlnL he Lhe smarLesL baby you ever saw? she asL Sofla
Pe goL a nlce slze head on hlm say Sofla ?ou know some peoples place a loL of welghL on head
slze noL a whole loL of halr on lL elLher Pe gon be cool Lhls summer for sure She fold Lhe plece she
lron and puL lL on a chalr
!usL a sweeL smarL cuLe lnnocenLllLLle baby boy say Mlss Lleanor !ane uonL you [usL love
hlm? she asL Sofla polnL blank
Sofla slgh uL down her lron SLare aL Mlss Lleanor !ane and 8eynolds SLanley All Lhe Llme me
and PenrleLLa over ln Lhe comer playlng plLLy paL PenrleLLa acL llke Mlss Lleanor !ane alnL allve buL
boLh of us hear Lhe way Lhe lron sound when Sofla puL lL down 1he sound have a loL of old and new
sLuff ln lL
no maam say Sofla l do noL love 8eynolds SLanley Larl now 1haLs whaL you been Lrylng Lo
flnd ouL ever slnce he was born
And now you know
Me and PenrleLLa look up Mlss Lleanor !ane [usL LhaL qulck done puL 8eynolds SLanley on Lhe
floor where he crawllng round knocklng sLuff over Pead sLralghL for Soflas sLack of lroned cloLhes and
pull lL down on hls head Sofla Lake up Lhe cloLhes sLralghLen Lhem ouL sLand by Lhe lronlng board wlLh
her hand on Lhe lron Sofla Lhe klnd of woman no maLLer whaL she have ln her hand lL look llke a
weapon
Lleanor !ane sLarL Lo cry She always have felL someLhlng for Sofla lf noL for her Sofla never
would have survlve llvlng ln her daddys house 8uL so whaL? Sofla never wanLed Lo be Lhere ln Lhe flrsL
place never wanLed Lo leave her own chlldren
1oo laLe Lo cry Mlss Lleanor !ane say Sofla All us can do now ls laugh Look aL hlm she say And
she do laugh Pe canL even walk and already he ln my bouse messlng lL up uld l asL hlm Lo come? uo l
care wheLher he sweeL or noL? Wlll lL make any dlfference ln Lhe way he grow up Lo LreaL me whaL l
Lhlnk?
?ou [usL donL llke hlm cause he look llke daddy say Mlss Lleanor !ane
?oudonL llke hlm cause he look llke daddy say Sofla l donL feel noLhlng abouL hlm aL all l donL
love nun l donL haLe hlm
l [usL wlsh he couldnL run loose all Lhe Llme messlng up folks sLuff
All Lhe Llme! All Lhe Llme! say Mlss Lleanor !ane Sofla he [usL a baby noL even a year old Pe
only been here flve or slx Llmes
l feel llke he been here forever say Sofla
l [usL donL undersLand say Mlss Lleanor !ane All Lhe oLher colored women l know love
chlldren 1he way you feel ls someLhlng unnaLural
l love chlldren say Sofla 8uL all Lhe colored women LhaL say Lhey love yours ls lylng 1hey donL
love 8eynolds SLanley any more Lhan l do 8uL lf you so badly ralse as Lo asL em whaL you expecL Lhem
Lo say? Some colored people so scared of whlLefolks Lhey clalm Lo love Lhe coLLon gln
8uL he [usL a llLLle baby! say Mlss Llean9r !ane llke saylng Lhls ls spose Lo clear up everyLhlng
WhaL you wanL from me? say Sofla l feel someLhlng for you because ouL of all Lhe people ln
your daddys house you showed me some human klndness 8uL on Lhe oLher hand ouL of all Lhe people
ln your daddys house l showed you some klnd feellng ls all l have Lo offer you l donL have noLhlng Lo
offer your relaLlves buL [usL whaL Lhey offer me l donL have noLhlng Lo offer hlm
8eynolds SLanley by Lhls Llme ls over on PenrleLLa palleL look llke Lrylng Lo rape her fooL llnally
he sLarL Lo chew her Leg and PenrleLLa reach up on Lhe wlndowslll and hand hlm a cracker
l feel llke you Lhe only person love me say Mlss Lleanor !ane Mama only love !unlor she say
Cause LhaLs who daddy really love
Well say Sofla ?ou goL your own husband Lo love you now
Look llke he donL love noLhlng buL LhaL coLLon gln she say 1en oclock aL nlghL and he sLlll
down Lhere worklng When he noL worklng he playlng poker wlLh Lhe boys My broLher see a loL more
of SLanley Larl Lhan l do
Maybe you oughL Lo leave hlm say Sofla ?ou goL kln la ALlanLa go sLay wlLh some of Lhem ClL a
[ob
Mlss Lleanor !ane Loss her halr back acL llke she donL even hear Lhls lL such a wlld noLlon
l goL my own Lroubles say Sofla and when 8eynolds SLanley grow up hes gon be one of Lhem
8uL he wonL say Mlss Lleanor !ane lm hls mama and l wonL leL hlm be mean Lo colored
?ou and whose army? say Sofla 1he flrsL word he llkely Lo speak wonL be noLhlng he learn from
you
?ou Lelllng me l wonL even be able Lo love my own son say Mlss Lleanor !ane
no say Sofla 1haLs noL whaL lm Lelllng you lm Lelllng you / wonL be able Lo love your own
son ?ou can love hlm [usL as much as you wanL Lo 8uL be ready Lo suffer Lhe consequences 1haLs how
Lhe colored llve
LlLLle 8eynolds SLanley all up on Lop PenrleLLas face by now [usL slobberlng and sucklng 1rylng
Lo klss Any second l Lhlnk she gon knock hlm sllly 8uL she lay real sLlll whlle he zamlne her Lvery once
ln a whlle he acL llke he peeklng lnLo her eyeball
1hen he slL down wlLh a bounce on Lop her chesL and grln Pe Lake one of her playlng cards and
Lry Lo glve her a blLe of lL
Sofla come over and llfL hlm off
Pe noL boLherlng me say PenrleLLa Pe make me Llckle
Pe boLher me say Sofla
Well Mlss Lleanor !ane say Lo Lhe baby plcklng hlm up we noL wanLed here She say lL real sad
llke she done run ouL of places Lo go
1hank you for all you done for us say Sofla She donL look so good herself and a llLLle waLer
sLand ln her eyes AfLer Mlss Lleanor !ane and 8eynolds SLanley leave she say lLs Llmes llke Lhls make
me know us dldnL make Lhls world And all Lhe colored folks Lalklng bouL lovlng everybody [usL alnL
looked hard aL whaL Lhey LhoughL Lhey sald
So whaL else new?
Well your slsLer Loo crazy Lo klll herself MosL Llmes l feels Llke shlL buL l felL Llke shlL before ln
my llfe and whaL happen?
l had me a flne slsLer name neLLle l had me anoLher flne woman frlend name Snug l had me
some flne chlldren growlng up ln Afrlca slnglng and wrlLlng verses 1he flrsL Lwo monLhs was hell
Lhough l Lell Lhe world 8uL now Shugs slx monLhs ls come and gone and she alnL come back And l Lry
Lo Leach my hearL noL Lo wanL noLhlng lL canL have
8esldes she glve me so many good years lus she learnlng new Lhlngs ln her new llfe now she
and Cermalne sLaylng wlLh one of her chlldren
uear Celle she wroLe me Me and Cermalne ended up ln 1ucson Arlzona where one of my
chlldren llve 1he oLher Lwo allve and Lurned ouL well buL Lhey dldnL wanL Lo see me Somebody Lold
Lhem l llves a evll llfe 1hls one say he wanL Lo see hls mama no maLLer whaL Pe llve ln a llLLle mud
looklng house llke Lhey have ouL here call adobe so you know l feels rlghL aL home (smlle) Pe a
schoolLeacher Loo and work on Lhe lndlan reservaLlon 1hey call hlm Lhe black whlLe man 1hey have a
word LhaL mean LhaL Loo and lL really boLher hlm 8uL even lf he Lry Lo Lell Lhem how heLeel Lhey donL
seem Lo care 1hey so far gone noLhlng sLrangers say mean noLhlng Lverybody noL a lndlan Lhey goL no
use for l haLe Lo see hls feellngs hurL buL LhaLs llfe
lL was Cermalne who had Lhe ldea Lo look up my chlldren Pe noLlced how l always love dresslng
hlm up and playlng wlLh hls halr
Pe dldnL make lL llke a mean suggesLlon Pe [usL sald lf l knowed how my chlldren was dolng l
would probably feel beLLer ln my llfe
1hls son we sLaylng wlLh ls name !ames Pls wlfe ls name Cora Mae 1hey have Lwo klds name
uavls and CanLrell Pe say he LhoughL someLhlng was funny bouL hls mama (my mama) cause she and
blg daddy was so old and sLrlcL and seL ln Lhey ways 8uL sLlll he felL a loL of love from Lhem he say
?eah son l Lell hlm 1hey had a loL of love Lo glve 8uL l needed love plus undersLandlng 1hey
run a llLLle shorL of LhaL
1hey beendead now he say nlne or Len years SenL us all Lo school as far as Lhey could
?ou know l never Lhlnk bouL mama and daddy ?ou know how Lough l Lhlnk l ls 8uL now LhaL
Lhey dead and l see my chlldren dolng well l llke Lo Lhlnk abouL Lhem Maybe when l come back l can
puL some flowers on Lhey graves
Ch she wrlLe me now near bouL every week Long newsy leLLers full of sLuff she LhoughL she
had forgoL lus sLuff bouL Lhe deserL and Lhe lndlans and Lhe rocky mounLalns l wlsh l could be
Lravellng wlLh her buL Lhank Cod she able Lo do lL SomeLlmes l feel mad aL her leel llke l could scraLch
her halr rlghL off her head 8uL Lhen l Lhlnk Shug goL a rlghL Lo llve Loo She goL a rlghL Lo look over Lhe
world ln whaLever company she choose !usL cause l love her donL Lake away none of her rlghLs
1he only Lhlng boLher me ls she donL never say noLhlng bouL comlng back And l mlss her l mlss
her frlendshlp so much LhaL lf she wanL Lo come back here dragglng Cermalne ld make Lhem boLh
welcome or dle Lrylng Who am l Lo Lell her who Lo love? My [ob [usL Lo love her good and Lrue myself
Mr??? asL me Lhe oLher day whaL lL ls l love so much bouL Shug Pe say he love her sLyle Pe say
Lo Lell Lhe LruLh Shug acL more manly Lhan mosL men l mean she uprlghL honesL Speak her mlnd and
Lhe devll Lake Lhe hlndmosL he say ?ou know Shug wlll flghL he say !usL llke Sofla She bound Lo llve
her llfe and be herself no maLLer whaL
Mr??? Lhlnk all Lhls ls sLuff men do 8uL Parpo noL llke Lhls l Lell hlm ?ou noL llke Lhls WhaL
Shug goL ls womanly lL seem llke Lo me Speclally slnce she and Sofla Lhe ones goL lL
Sofla and Shug noL llke men he say buL Lhey noL Llke women elLher
?ou mean Lhey noL Llke you or me
1hey hold Lhey own he say And lLs dlfferenL
WhaL l love besL bouL Shug ls whaL she been Lhrough l say When you look ln Shugs eyes you
know she been where she been seen whaL she seen dld whaL she dld And now she know
1haLs Lhe LruLh say Mr???
And lf you donL glL ouL Lhe way shell Lell you abouL lL
Amen he say 1hen he say someLhlng LhaL really surprlse me cause lL so LhoughLful and common
sense When lL come Lo whaL folks do LogeLher wlLh Lhey bodles he say anybodys guess ls as good as
mlne 8uL when you Lalk bouL love l donL have Lo guess l have love and l have been love And l Lhank
Cod he leL me galn undersLandlng enough Lo know love canL be halLed [usL cause some peoples mean
and groan
lL donL surprlse me you love Shug Avery he say l have love Shug Avery all my llfe
WhaL load of brlcks fell on you? l asL
no brlcks he say !usL experlence ?ou know everybody bound Lo glL some of LhaL sooner or
laLer All Lhey have Lo do ls sLay allve And l sLarL Lo glL mlne real heavy long abouL Lhe Llme l Lold Shug lL
was Lrue LhaL l beaL you cause you was you and noL her
l Lold her l say
l know lL he say and l donL blame you lf a mule could Lell folks how lLs LreaLed lL would 8uL
you know some womens would have [usL love Lo hear Lhey man say he beaL hls wlfe cause she wasnL
Lhem Shug one Llme was Llke LhaL bouL Annle !ulla 8oLh of us messed over my flrsL wlfe a scanless And
she never Lold nobody lus she dldnL have nobody Lo Lell AfLer Lhey marrled her off Lo me her folks
behave llke Lheyd Lhrowed her down a well Cr ofL Lhe face of Lhe earLh l dldnL wanL her l wanLed
Shug 8uL my daddy was Lhe boss Pe glve me Lhe wlfe he wanLed me Lo have
8uL Shug spoke rlghL up for you Celle he say She say AlberL you been mlsLreaLlng somebody l
love So as far as you concern lm gone l couldnL belleve lL he say All along ln Lhere we was as hoL for
each oLher as Lwo plsLols Lxcuse me he say 8uL we was l Lrled Lo laugh lL off 8uL she meanL whaL she
sald
l Lrled Lo Lease her ?ou donL love old dumb Celle l sald She ugly and sklnny and canL hold a
candle Lo you She canL even screw
WhaL l wanL Lo say LhaL for lrom whaL she Lell me Shug sald she donL have no reason Lo
screw ?ou on and off llke a [ackrabblL
lus she say Celle say you noL always clean And she Lurn up her nose
l wanLed Lo klll you sald Mr??? and l dld slap you around a couple of Llmes l never undersLood
how you and Shug goL along so well LogeLher and lL boLhered Lhe hell ouL of me When she was mean
and nasLy Lo you l undersLood 8uL when l looked around and Lhe Lwo of you was always dolng each
oLhers halr l sLarL Lo worry
She sLlll feel for you l say
?eah he say She feel llke lm her broLher
WhaL so bad abouL LhaL l asL uonL her broLhers love her?
1hem clowns he say 1hey sLlll acL Lhe fool l use Lo be
Well l say we all have Lo sLarL somewhere lf us wanL Lo do beLLer and our own self ls whaL us
have Lo hand
lm real sorry she lefL you Celle l remember how l felL when she lefL me
1hen Lhe old devll puL hls arms around me and [usL sLood Lhere on Lhe porch wlLh me real quleL
Way afLer whlle l benL my sLlff neck onLo hls shoulder Pere us ls l LhoughL Lwo old fools lefL over from
love keeplng each oLher company under Lhe sLars
CLher Llmes he wanL Lo know bouL my chlldren
l Lold hlm you say Lhey boLh wear long robes sorL of llke dresses 1haL was Lhe day he come Lo
vlslL me whlle l was sewlng and asL me whaL was so speclal bouL my panLs
Anybody can wear Lhem l sald
Men and women noL suppose Lo wear Lhe same Lhlng he sald Men spose Lo wear Lhe panLs
So l sald ?ou oughL Lo Lell LhaL Lo Lhe mens ln Afrlca
Say whaL? he asL llrsL Llme he ever LhoughL bouL whaL Afrlcans do
eople ln Afrlca Lry Lo wear whaL feel comforLable ln Lhe heaL l say Cf course mlsslonarles
have Lhey own ldeas bouL dress
8uL lefL Lo Lhemself Afrlcans wear a llLLle someLlmes or a loL accordlng Lo neLLle 8uL men and
women boLh preshaLe a nlce dress
8obe you sald before he say
8obe dress noL panLs anyhow
Well he say lll be dog
And men sew ln Afrlca Loo l say
1hey do? he asL
?eah l say 1hey noL so backward as mens here
When l was growlng up he sald l use Lo Lry Lo sew along wlLh mama cause LhaLs whaL she was
always dolng 8uL everybody laughed aL me 8uL you know l llked lL
Well nobody gon laugh aL you now l sald Pere help me sLlLch ln Lhese pockeLs
8uL l donL know how he say
lll show you l sald And l dld
now us slL sewlng and Lalklng and smoklng our plpes
Cuess whaL l say Lo hlm folks ln Afrlca where neLLle and Lhe chlldren ls belleve whlLe people ls
black peoples chlldren
naw he say llke Lhls lnLeresLlng buL hls mlnd really on Lhe slanL of hls nexL sLlLch
1hey named Adam some oLher name soon as he arrlve 1hey say Lhe whlLe mlsslonarles before
neLLle and Lhem come Lold Lhem all abouL Adam from Lhe whlLe folks polnL of vlew and whaL Lhe whlLe
folks know 8uL Lhey know who Adam ls from Lhey own polnL of vlew
And for a whole loL longer Llme ago
And who LhaL? Mr??? asL
1he flrsL man LhaL was whlLe noL Lhe flrsL man 1hey say nobody so crazy Lhey Lhlnk Lhey can
say who was Lhe flrsL man 8uL everybody noLlce Lhe flrsL whlLe man cause he was whlLe
Mr??? frown look aL Lhe dlfferenL color Lhread us goL 1hread hls needle llck hls flnger Lle a
knoL
1hey say everybody before Adam was black 1hen one day some woman Lhey [usL rlghL away klll
come ouL wlLh Lhls colorless baby
1hey LhoughL aL flrsL lL was someLhlng she aLe 8uL Lhen anoLher one had one and also Lhe
women sLarL Lo have Lwlns So Lhe people sLarL Lo puL Lhe whlLe bables and Lhe Lwlns Lo deaLh So really
Adam wasnL even Lhe flrsL whlLe man Pe was [usL Lhe flrsL one Lhe people dldnL klll
Mr??? look aL me real LhoughLful Pe noL such a bad looklng man you know when you come
rlghL down Lo lL And now lL do begln Lo look llke he goL a loL of feellng hlnd hls face
Well l say you know black folks have whaL you call alblnos Lo Lhls day 8uL you never hear of
whlLe folks havlng noLhlng black unless some black men been messlng wlLh em And no whlLe folks
been ln Afrlca back yonder when all Lhls happen
So Lhese Cllnka people heard abouL Adam and Lve from Lhe whlLe mlsslonarles and Lhey heard
abouL how Lhe serpenL Lrlcked Lve and how Cod chased Lhem ouL of Lhe garden of Lden And Lhey was
real curlous Lo hear Lhls cause afLer Lhey had chased Lhe whlLe Cllnka chlldren ouL of Lhe vlllage Lhey
hadnL hardly LhoughL no more abouL lL neLLle say one Lhlng abouL Afrlcans CuL of slghL ouL of mlnd
And anoLher Lhlng Lhey donL llke noLhlng around Lhem LhaL look or acL dlfferenL 1hey wanL everybody
Lo be [usL allke
So you know somebody whlLe wouldnL lasL long She say seem Llke Lo her Lhe Afrlcans Lhrowed
ouL Lhe whlLe Cllnka peoples for how Lhey look 1hey Lhrowed ouL Lhe resL of us all us who become
slaves for how us acL Seem llke us [usL wouldnL do rlghL no maLLer how us Lry Wen you know how
nlggers ls CanL nobody Lell em noLhlng even Loday CanL be rule Lvery nlgger you see goL a klngdom ln
hls head
8uL guess whaL else l say Lo Mr??? When Lhe mlsslonarles goL Lo Lhe parL bouL Adam and Lve
belng naked Lhe Cllnka peoples nearly busL ouL laughlng Lspeclally when Lhe mlsslonarles Lrled Lo make
Lhem puL on cloLhes becauseof Lhls 1hey Lrled Lo explaln Lo Lhe mlsslonarles LhaL lL was Lheywho puL
Adam and Lve ouL of Lhe vlllage because Lhey wasnaked 1helr word for naked ls whlLe
8uL slnce Lhey are covered by color Lhey are noL naked 1hey sald anybody looklng aL a whlLe
person can Lell Lhey naked buL black people can noL be naked because Lhey can noL be whlLe
?eah say Mr??? 8uL Lhey was wrong
8lghL l sald Adam and Lve prove lL WhaL Lhey dld Lhese Cllnka peoples was Lhrow ouL Lhey
own chlldren [usL cause Lhey was a llLLle dlfferenL
l beL Lhey do LhaL same klnd of sLuff Loday Mr??? say Ch from whaL neLLle say Lhem Afrlcans
ls a mess And you know whaL Lhe blble say Lhe frulL donL fall Loo far from Lhe Lree
And someLhlng else l say Cuess who Lhey say Lhe snake ls?
us no doubL say Mr???
8lghL l say WhlLefolks slgn for Lhey parenLs 1hey was so mad Lo glL Lhrowed ouL and Lold Lhey
was naked Lhey made up Lhey mlnds Lo crush us wherever Lhey flnd us same as Lhey would a snake
?ou reckon? Mr??? asL
1haLs whaL Lhese Cllnka peoples say 8uL Lhey say [usL llke Lhey know hlsLory before Lhe whlLe
chlldren sLarL Lo come Lhey know Lhe fuLure afLer Lhe blggesL of em leave 1hey say Lhey know Lhese
parLlcular chlldren and Lhey gon klll each oLher off Lhey sLlll so mad bouL belng unwanLed
Con klll off a loL of oLher folk Loo who goL some color ln facL Lhey gon klll off so much of Lhe
earLh and Lhe colored LhaL everybody gon haLe Lhem [usL llke Lhey haLe us Loday 1hen Lhey wlll become
Lhe new serpenL And wherever a whlLe person ls found hell be crush by somebody noL whlLe [usL llke
Lhey do us Loday And some of Lhe Cllnka peoples belleve llfe wlll [usL go on and on llke Lhls forever And
every mllllon years or so someLhlng wlll happen Lo Lhe earLh and folks wlll change Lhe way Lhey look
lolks mlghL sLarL growlng Lwo heads one of Lhese days for all we know and Lhen Lhe folks wlLh one
head wlll send em all someplace else 8uL some of em donL Lhlnk llke Lhls 1hey Lhlnk afLer Lhe blggesL
of Lhe whlLe folks no longer on Lhe earLh Lhe only way Lo sLop maklng somebody Lhe serpenL ls for
everybody Lo accepL everybody else as a chlld of Cod or one moLhers chlldren no maLLer whaL Lhey
look llke or how Lhey acL And guess whaL else abouL Lhe snake?
WhaL? he asL
1hese Cllnka people worshlp lL 1hey say who knows maybe lL ls klnfolks buL for sure lLs Lhe
smarLesL cleanesL sllckesL Lhlng Lhey ever seen
1hese folks sure musL have a heap of Llme [usL Lo slL and Lhlnk say Mr???
neLLle say Lhey real good aL Lhlnklng l say 8uL Lhey Lhlnk so much ln Lerms of Lhousands of
years Lhey have a hard Llme glrLlng Lhemself Lhrough one
So whaL Lhey name Adam?
SomeLhlng sound llke CmaLangu l say lL mean a unnaked man somewhere near Lhe flrsL one
Cod made LhaL knowed whaL he was A whole loL of Lhe men LhaL come before Lhe flrsL man was men
buL none of em dldnL know lL ?ou know how long lL Lake some mens Lo noLlce anyLhlng l say
1ook me long enough Lo noLlce you such good company he say And he laugh
Pe alnL Shug buL he begln Lo be somebody l can Lalk Lo
And no maLLer how much Lhe Lelegram sald you musL be drown l sLlll glL leLLers from you

?our slsLer
Celle

AfLer Lwo and a half monLhs Adam and 1ashl reLurned! Adam overLook 1ashl and her moLher
and some oLher members of our compound as Lhey were nearlng Lhe vlllage where Lhe whlLe woman
mlsslonary had llved buL 1ashl would noL hear of Lurnlng back nor would CaLherlne and so Adam
accompanled Lhem Lo Lhe mbelesencampmenL
Ch be says lL ls Lhe mosL exLraordlnary place!
?ou know Celle ln Afrlca Lhere ls a huge depresslon ln Lhe earLh called Lhe greaL rlfL valley buL
lL ls on Lhe oLher slde of Lhe conLlnenL from where we are Powever accordlng Lo Adam Lhere ls a
small rlfL on our slde several Lhousand acres large and even deeper Lhan Lhe greaL rlfL whlch covers
mllllons of acres lL ls a place seL so deep lnLo Lhe earLh LhaL lL can only really be seen Adam Lhlnks from
Lhe alr and Lhen lL would seem [usL an overgrown canyon Well ln Lhls overgrown canyon are a
Lhousand people from dozens of Afrlcan Lrlbes and even one colored man? Adam swears? from
Alabama! 1here are farms 1here ls a school An lnflrmary A Lemple And Lhere are male and female
warrlors who do lndeed go on mlsslons of saboLage agalnsL Lhe whlLe planLaLlons
8uL all Lhls seemed more a marvel ln Lhe recounLlng Lhan ln Lhe acLual experlenclng of lL lf l am
any [udge of Adam and lashl
1helr mlnds seem Lo have been compleLely rlveLed on each oLher
l wlsh you could have seen Lhem as Lhey sLaggered lnLo Lhe compound lllLhy as hogs halr as
wlld as could be Sleepy LxhausLed
Smelly Cod knows 8uL sLlll argulng
!usL because l came back wlLh you donL Lhlnk l am saylng yes Lo marrlage says lashl
Ch yes you are says Adam heaLedly buL Lhrough ayawn ?ou promlsed your moLher /
promlsed yourmoLher?
nobody ln Amerlca wlll llke me says lashl
l wlll llke you says Adam
Cllvla ran and enfolded lashl ln her arms 8an abouL preparlng food and a baLh
LasL nlghL afLer lashl and Adam had slepL mosL of Lhe day We had a famlly conference We
lnformed Lhem LhaL because so many of our people had gone Lo [oln Lhe mbelesand Lhe planLers were
beglnnlng Lo brlng ln Moslem workers from Lhe norLh and because lL was Llme for us Lo do so we
would be leavlng for home ln a maLLer of weeks
Adam announced hls deslre Lo marry lashl lashl announced her refusal Lo be marrled
And Lhen ln LhaL honesL forLhrlghL way of hers she gave her reasons aramounL among Lhem
LhaL because of Lhe scarlflcaLlon marks on her cheeks Amerlcans would look down on her as a savage
and shun her and whaLever chlldren she and Adam mlghL have
1haL she had seen Lhe magazlnes we recelve from home and LhaL lL was very clear Lo her LhaL
black people dld noL Lruly admlre blacksklnned black people llke herself and especlally dld noL admlre
blacksklnned black women 1hey bleach Lhelr faces she sald 1hey fry Lhelr halr 1hey Lry Lo look naked
Also she conLlnued l fear Adam wlll be dlsLracLed by one of Lhese naked looklng women and
deserL me 1hen l would have no counLry no people no moLher and no husband and broLher
?oud have a slsLer sald Cllvla
1hen Adam spoke Pe asked 1ashl Lo forglve hls lnlLlal sLupld response Lo Lhe scarlflcaLlon And
Lo forglve Lhe repugnance hed felL abouL Lhe female lnlLlaLlon ceremony Pe assured 1ashl LhaL lL was
she he loved and LhaL hl Amerlca she would have counLry people parenLs slsLer husband broLher and
lover and LhaL whaLever befell her ln Amerlca would also be hls own cholce and hls own loL
Ch Celle
So Lhe nexL day our boy came Lo us wlLh scars ldenLlcal Lo 1ashls on hls cheeks
And Lhey are so happy So happy Celle 1ashl and Adam CmaLangu
Samuel marrled Lhem of course and all Lhe people lefL ln Lhe compound came Lo wlsh Lhem
happlness and an abundance of roofleaf forever Cllvla sLood up wlLh Lhe brlde and a frlend of Adams?
a man Loo old Lo have [olned Lhe mbeles? sLood up wlLh hlm lmmedlaLely afLer Lhe weddlng we lefL Lhe
compound rldlng ln a lorry LhaL Look us Lo a boaL aL Lhe coasL lnleL LhaL flows ouL Lo sea
ln a few weeks we wlll all be home

?our lovlng slsLer

neLLle


Mr??? Lalk Lo Snug a loL laLely by Lelephone Pe say as soon as he Lold her my slsLer and her
famlly was mlsslng she and Cermalae made a beellne for Lhe SLaLe deparLmenL Lrylng Lo flnd ouL whaL
happen Pe say Shug say lL [usL klll her Lo Lhlnk lm down here sufferlng from noL knowlng 8uL noLhlng
happen aL Lhe SLaLe deparLmenL noLhlng aL Lhe deparLmenL of defense lLs a blg war
So much golng on Cne shlp losL feel llke noLhlng l guess lus colored donL counL Lo Lhose
people
Well Lhey [usL donL know and never dld never wlll And so whaL? l know you on your way
home and you may noL glL here Llll lm nlneLy buL one of Lhese days l do expecL Lo see your face
Meanwhlle l hlred Sofla Lo clerk ln our sLore kepL Lhe whlLe man Alphonso goL Lo run lL buL puL
Sofla ln Lhere Lo walL on colored cause Lhey never had nobody ln a sLore Lo walL on em before and
nobody ln a sLore Lo LreaL em nlce Sofla real good aL selllng sLuff Loo cause she acL llke she donL care lf
you buy or noL no skln off her nose And Lhen lf you declde Lo buy anyhow well she mlghL exchange a
few pleasanL words wlLh you lus she scare LhaL whlLe man Anybody else colored he Lry Lo call em
aunLle or someLhlng llrsL Llme he Lry LhaL wlLh Sofla she asL hlm whlch colored man hls mama slsLer
marry
l asL Parpo do he mlnd lf Sofla work
WhaL lm gon mlnd for? he say lL seem Lo maLe her happy And l can Lake care of anyLhlng come
up aL home Anyhow he say Sofla goL me a llLLle help for when PenrleLLa need anyLhlng speclal Lo eaL
or glL slck
?eah say Sofla Mlss Lleanor !ane gon look hl on PenrleLLa and every oLher day promlse Lo cook
her someLhlng shell eaL ?ou know whlLe people have a look of machlnery ln Lhey klLchen She whlp up
sLuff wlLh yams youd never belleve LasL week she wenL and made yam lce cream
Pow Lhls happen? l asL l LhoughL Lhe Lwo of you was Lhrough
Ch say Sofla lL flnally dawn on her Lo asL her mama why l come Lo work for Lhem
l donL expecL fL Lo lasL Lhough say Parpo ?ou know how Lhey ls
uo her peoples know? l asL
1hey know say Sofla 1hey carrylng on [usL llke you know Lhey would Whoever heard of a whlLe
woman worklng for nlggers Lhey rave She Lell Lhem Whoever heard of somebody llke Sofla worklng for
Lrash
She brlng 8eynolds SLanley wlLh her? l asL
PenrleLLa say she donL mlnd hlm
Well say Parpo lm saLlsfled lf her menfolks agalnsL her helplng you she gon qulL
LeL her qulL say Sofla lL noL my salvaLlon she worklng for And lf she donL learn she goL Lo face
[udgmenL for herself she wonL even have llve
Well you goL me behlnd you anyway say Parpo And l loves every [udgmenL you ever made Pe
move up and klss her where her nose was sLlLch
Sofla Loss her head Lverybody learn someLhlng ln llfe she say And Lhey laugh
Speaklng of learnlng Mr??? say one day us was sewlng ouL on Lhe porch l flrsL sLarL Lo Leam all
Lhem days ago l use Lo slL up Lhere on my porch sLarlng ouL cross Lhe ralllng
!usL mlserable 1haLs whaL l was And l couldnL undersLand why us have llfe aL an lf all lL can do
mosL Llmes ls make us feel bad All l ever wanLed ln llfe was Shug Avery he say And one whlle all she
wanLed ln llfe was me Well us couldnL have each oLher he say l goL Annle !ulla 1hen you All Lhem
roLLen chlldren She goL Crady and who know who all 8uL sLlll look llke she come ouL beLLer Lhan me A
loL of people love Shug buL nobody buL Shug love me
Pard noL Lo love Shug l say She know how Lo love somebody back
l Lrled Lo do someLhlng bouL my chlldren afLer you lefL me 8uL by LhaL Llme lL was Loo laLe 8ub
come wlLh me for Lwo weeks sLole all my money lald up on Lhe porch drunk My glrls so far off lnLo
mens and rellglon Lhey canL hardly Lalk LveryLlme Lhey open Lhey mouLh some klnd of plea come ouL
near bouL Lo broke my sorry hearL
lf you know your hearL sorry l say LhaL mean lL noL qulLe as spollL as you Lhlnk
Anyhow he say you know how lL ls ?ou asL yourself one quesLlon lL lead Lo flfLeen l sLarL Lo
wonder why us need love Why us suffer Why us black Why us men and women Where do chlldren
really come from lL dldnL Lake long Lo reallze l dldnL hardly know noLhlng And LhaL lf you asL yourself
why you black or a man or a woman or a bush lL donL mean noLhlng lf you donL asL why you here
perlod
So whaL you Lhlnk? l asL
l Lhlnk us here Lo wonder myself 1o wonder 1o asL And LhaL ln wonderlng bouL Lhe blg Lhlngs
and asLlng bouL Lhe blg Lhlngs you learn abouL Lhe llLLle ones almosL by accldenL 8uL you never know
noLhlng more abouL Lhe blg Lhlngs Lhan you sLarL ouL wlLh
1he more l wonder he say Lhe more l love
And people sLarL Lo love you back l beL l say
1hey do he say surprlse Parpo seem Lo love me Sofla and Lhe chlldren l Lhlnk even ole evll
PenrleLLa love me a llLLle blL buL LhaLs cause she know she [usL as blg a mysLery Lo me as Lhe man ln Lhe
moon
Mr??? ls busy paLLernlng a shlrL for folks Lo wear wlLh my panLs
CoL Lo have pockeLs he say CoL Lo have loose sleeves And deflnlLely you noL spose Lo wear lL
wlLh no Lle lolks wearlng Lles look llke Lhey belng lynch
And Lhen [usL when l know l can llve conLenL wlLhouL Shug [usL when Mr??? done asL me Lo
marry hlm agaln Lhls Llme ln Lhe splrlL as well as ln Lhe flesh and [usL afLer l say naw l sLlll donL llke
frogs buL leLs us be frlends Shug wrlLe me she comlng home
now ls Lhls llfe or noL?
l be so calm
lf she come l be happy lf she donL l be conLenL
And Lhen l flgure Lhls Lhe lesson l was suppose Lo learn
Ch Celle she say sLepplng ouL of Lhe car dress llke a movlng sLar l mlssed you more Lhan l
mlssed my own mama
us hug
Come on ln l say
Ch Lhe house look so nlce she say when us glL Lo her room ?ou know l love plnk
CoL you some elephanLs and LurLles comlng Loo l say
Where your room? she asL
uown Lhe hall l say
LeLs go see lL she say
Well here lL ls l say sLandlng ln Lhe door LveryLhlng ln my room purple and red cepL Lhe floor
LhaL palnLed brlghL yellow
She go rlghL Lo Lhe llLLle purple frog perch on my manLleplece
WhaL Lhls? she asL
Ch l say a llLLle someLhlng AlberL carve for me
She look aL me funny for a mlnuLe l look aL her 1hen us laugh
Where Cermalne aL? l asL
ln college she say Wllberforce CanL leL all LhaL LalenL go Lo wasLe us Lhrough Lhough she say
Pe feel [usL llke famlly now Llke a son Maybe a grandson WhaL you and AlberL been up Lo? she asL
noLhlng much l say
She say l know AlberL and l beL he been up Lo someLhlng wlLh you looklng as flne as you look
us sew l say Make ldle conversaLlon
Pow ldle? she asL
WhaL do you know l Lhlnk Shug [ealous l have a good mlnd Lo make up a sLory [usL Lo make her
feel bad 8uL l donL
us Lalk bouL you l say Pow much us love you
She smlle come puL her head on my breasL LeL ouL a long breaLh

?our slsLer

Celle


uear Cod uear sLars dear Lrees dear sky dear peoples uear LveryLhlng uear Cod
1hank you for brlnglng my slsLer neLLle and our chlldren home
Wonder who LhaL comlng yonder? asL AlberL looklng up Lhe road us can see Lhe dusL [usL
aflylng
Me and hlm and Shug slLLlng ouL on Lhe porch afLer dlnner 1alklng noL Lalklng 8ocklng and
fannlng flles Shug menLlon she donL wanL Lo slng ln publlc no more? well maybea nlghL or Lwo aL
Parpos 1hlnk maybe she reLlre AlberL say he wanL her Lo Lry on hls new shlrL l Lalk bouL PenrleLLa
Sofla My garden and Lhe sLore Pow Llllngs dolng generally So much ln Lhe hablL of sewlng someLhlng l
sLlLch up a bunch of scraps Lry Lo see whaL l can make 1he weaLher cool for Lhe lasL of !une and slLLlng
on Lhe porch wlLh AlberL and Shug feel real pleasanL nexL week be Lhe fourLh of !uly and us plan a blg
famlly reunlon ouLdoors here aL my house !usL hope Lhe cool weaLher hold
Could be Lhe mallman l say CepL he drlvlng a llLLle fasL
Could be Sofla say Shug ?ou know she drlve llke a manlac
Could be Parpo say AlberL 8uL lL noL
8y now Lhe car sLop under Lhe Lrees ln Lhe yard and all Lhese peoples dress llke old folks glL ouL
A blg Lall whlLehalred man wlLh a backward Lurn whlLe collar a llLLle dumpLy woman wlLh her
gray halr ln plalLs cross on Lop her head A Lall younglsh man and Lwo robusL looklng younglsh women
1he whlLehalred man say someLhlng Lo Lhe drlver of Lhe car and Lhe car leave 1hey all sLand down Lhere
aL Lhe edge of Lhe drlve surrounded by boxes and bags and all klnds of sLuff
8y now my hearL ls ln my mouLh and l canL move
lLs neLLle AlberL say glrLlng up
All Lhe people down by Lhe drlve look up aL us 1hey look aL Lhe house 1he yard Shug and
AlberLs cars 1hey look round aL Lhe flelds 1hen Lhey commence Lo walk real slow up dle walk Lo Lhe
house
lm so scared l donL know whaL Lo do leel llke my mlnd sLuck l Lry Lo speak noLhlng come 1ry
Lo glL up almosL fall Shug reach down and glve me a helplng hand AlberL press me on Lhe arm
When neLLles fooL come down on Lhe porch l almosL dle l sLand swaylng Lween AlberL and
Shug neLLle sLand swaylng Lween Samuel and l reckon lL musL be Adam 1hen us boLh sLarL Lo moan and
cry us LoLLer Loward one noLher llke us use Lo do when us was bables
1hen us feel so weak when us Louch us knock each oLher down 8uL whaL us care? us slL and lay
Lhere on Lhe porch lnslde each oLhers arms
AfLer whlle she say Celle
lsay neLLle
LlLLle blL more Llme pass us look round aL a loL of peoples knees/neLLle never leL go my walsL
1hls my husband Samuel she say polnLlng up 1hese our chlldren Cllvla and Adam and Lhls Adams wlfe
1ashl she say
l polnL up aL my peoples 1hls Shug and AlberL l say
Lverybody say leased Lo MeeLcha 1hen Shug and AlberL sLarL Lo hug everybody one afLer Lhe
oLher
Me and neLLle flnally glL up off Lhe porch and l hug my chlldren And l hug 1ashl 1hen l hug
Samuel
Why us always have famlly reunlon on !uly 4Lh say PenrleLLa mouLh poke ouL full of complalnL
lL so hoL
WhlLe people busy celebraLlng Lhey lndependence from Lngland !uly 4Lh say Parpo so mosL
black folks donL have Lo work us can spend Lhe day celebraLlng each oLher
Ah Parpo say Mary Agnes slpplng some lemonade l dldnL know you knowed hlsLory She and
Sofla worklng LogeLher on Lhe poLaLo salad Mary Agnes come back home Lo plck up Suzle C She done
lefL Crady move back Lo Memphls and llve wlLh her slsLer and her ma 1hey gon look afLer Suzle C whlle
she work She goL a loL of new songs she say and noL Loo knocked ouL Lo slng em
AfLer whlle belng wlLh Crady l couldnL Lhlnk she say lus he noL a good lnfluence for no chlld
Course l wasnL elLher she say Smoklng so much reefer
Lverybody make a loL of mlraLlon over 1ashl eople look aL her and Adams scars llke LhaLs Lhey
buslness Say Lhey never suspecL Afrlcan ladles could look so good 1hey make a flne couple Speak a
llLLle funny buL us glrLlng use Lo lL
WhaL your people love besL Lo eaL over Lhere ln Afrlca? us asL
She sorL of blush and say barbecue Lverybody laugh and sLuff her wlLh one more plece
l feel a llLLle pecullar round Lhe chlldren lor one Lhlng Lhey grown And l see Lhey Lhlnk me and
neLLle and Shug and AlberL and Samuel and Parpo and Sofla and !ack and Cdessa real old and donL
know much whaL golng on 8uL l donL Lhlnk us feel old aL all And us so happy MaLLer of facL l Lhlnk Lhls
Lhe youngesL us ever felL

Amen


l Lhank everybody ln Lhls book for comlng
A W auLhor and medlum