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Guardian of the universe protecting
us against the forces of evil.
2
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He can catch a bullet.
Halt a speeding train.
3
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And leap tall buildings
in a single bound.
4
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- up in the sky!
- is it a bird? is it a plane?
5
00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:42,080
A mailman by day. the
city's guardian by night.
6
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,050
Defending the citizens of New
York from the forces of evil.
7
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The world has been protected by a
group of extraordinary men and women...
8
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...who have dedicated
themselves to fighting crime.
9
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Mysterious traveller
from another dimension.
10
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,960
He has powers far beyond the
capabilities of mere earthlings.
11
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,260
I always wondered why
nobody did it before me.
12
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,500
I mean, all those comic
books, movies, tvshows.

13
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You'd think that one eccentric loner
would have made himself a costume.
14
00:01:22,580 --> 00:01:25,450
I mean, is everyday
life really so exciting?
15
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:27,660
Are schools and offices so thrilling...
16
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,450
...that I'm the only one who
ever fantasized about this?
17
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,220
Come on, be honest with yourself.
18
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,760
At some point in our lives we
all wanted to be a superhero.
19
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That's not me, by the way.
20
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That's some Armenian guy with a
history of mental health problems.
21
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:02,920
Who am I?
22
00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:05,320
I'm Kick-Ass.
23
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,060
That's me... back before any
of this crazy shit happened.
24
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:23,470
I guess I was the last person
you'd expect to become a superhero.
25
00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:27,480
I'm not saying there was
anything wrong with me...

26
00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:29,640
...but there's nothing special, either.
27
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,540
- asshole!
- I wasn't into sports.
28
00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:35,780
I wasn't a mathlete
or a hard core gamer.
29
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,690
I didn't have a piercing
or an eating disorder,
30
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,360
or 3000 friends on myspace.
31
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,560
My only superpower was
being invisible to girls.
32
00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:49,630
And out of my friends, man,
I wasn't even the funny one.
33
00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:53,270
Like most people my age, I just existed.
34
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,590
Good morning, class.
35
00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:09,490
Please open your books
to act two, scene two.
36
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:13,660
Kick in my bedroom door and you'll
probably find me watching tv...
37
00:03:14,130 --> 00:03:16,160
...or talking to my
friend todd on skype.
38
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,600
- You watching 'family guy'?
- No.

39
00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:22,790
Me neither. turn on
nippleslip. com. it's good.
40
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,240
Or jerking off, mostly
to my english teacher.
41
00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:35,850
Dave Lizewski. don't think I haven't
noticed you looking at my tits.
42
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Oh, I want your hands
all over me, Dave. please.
43
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:45,690
Sure, a lot of what got me
through the average school day...
44
00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:49,100
...was making deposits in the
whac koff warehouse for later.
45
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,030
Though, to be honest, it
didn't take much to set me off.
46
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,070
I swear, when my hormones balance out...
47
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,800
...shares in kleenex are
gonna take a dive, man.
48
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:07,340
Dave Lizewski. shouldn't you be
looking at 'Hamlet' right now?
49
00:04:07,450 --> 00:04:08,920
Yes, mrs Zane.
50
00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,210
Sorry.
51
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,120

But don't get me wrong. I


like girls my own age, too.
52
00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:20,920
- Especially Katie Deauxma.
- Hey, gorgeous.
53
00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,720
Hey.
54
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,830
Oh... no.
55
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,630
You meant Erika.
56
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:34,440
I know. I knew that. I was just kidding.
57
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Okay, cool.
58
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,670
Oh my god.
59
00:04:42,820 --> 00:04:44,790
Hey, look, I'm Todd's mom.
60
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That's funny. this is your dad.
61
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No, that's still my mom, actually.
62
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Oh, the fuck!
63
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,130
I was just a regular guy.
64
00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:03,240
No radioactive spiders, no refugee
status from a doomed alien world.
65
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,370
You know what? Todd said they

do still make count Chocula.


66
00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:08,470
They just don't sell it
at the store any more.
67
00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:13,540
My mother was killed by
an aneurism in the kitchen.
68
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,080
As opposed to a gunman in the alley.
69
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,290
So if you were hoping for any...
70
00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:20,590
I will avenge you, mother!
71
00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:22,060
...you're out of luck.
72
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:24,230
In the 18 months since my mother died...
73
00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:27,920
...the only epiphany I had was
realising that life just goes on.
74
00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,220
Did they change the bee's face?
75
00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,360
No.
76
00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:43,240
How come nobody's ever
tried to be a superhero?
77
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,510
Boy, I dunno. probably because
it's fucking impossible, dipshit.
78
00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:49,720
What, putting on a mask and helping
people, how's that impossible?

79
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,350
That's not superhero, though.
80
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,620
Super's like being stronger than
everybody and flying and shit.
81
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:55,620
That's just hero.
82
00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:58,820
No, it's not even hero.
it's just fucking psycho.
83
00:05:59,030 --> 00:06:02,200
Hello? Bruce Wayne? he
didn't have any powers.
84
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,630
Yes, but he had all the
expensive shit that doesn't exist.
85
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,940
I thought you meant how come
nobody does it in real life?
86
00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,570
Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant.
87
00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:11,070
Dude, if anybody did it in real
life they'd get their ass kicked.
88
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,170
- They'd be dead in, like, a day.
- A day.
89
00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:15,080
Yeah, okay, I'm not
saying they should do it.
90
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,370
I just can't figure out why nobody does.
91
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:21,050
Seriously, out of all the millions
of people who love superheroes,

92
00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:23,310
You'd think one would give it a try.
93
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,390
Jesus, guys, does it not bug you?
94
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:27,910
Why thousands of people wanna be Paris
95
00:06:27,910 --> 00:06:29,560
Hilton and nobody wants to be spiderman?
96
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,560
Yeah, what's with that? she
has, like, no tits at all.
97
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,100
Maybe it's a porn tape. he
doesn't have a porn tape.
98
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,120
You guys never saw 'One
Night in Spiderman'?
99
00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:40,900
Oooh, guess who?
100
00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:48,400
Is it me or do you kinda
feel sorry for chris D'Amico?
101
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,450
Must be terrible to have a rich
dad and everything you want.
102
00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:52,970
I wish you wouldn't have said anything
103
00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:54,640
Cos I feel like I'm
gonna start crying...
104
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:58,110
The fact that he's always on his own.
105

00:06:59,390 --> 00:07:01,990


We should, like, talk to him.
106
00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:03,630
See if he wants to hang out with us.
107
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:05,430
Oh, I didn't say we should
talk to him, I just...
108
00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,000
Think about it. come
on, it'd be awesome.
109
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,020
If he was our friend, no one
would ever fuck with us again.
110
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,130
Go on then, Todd.
111
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,500
- You wanna go talk to him?
- No, no, no. no.
112
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,670
No, you wanna go talk
to him? I can move.
113
00:07:13,670 --> 00:07:16,230
- Dave, Dave should go.
- Dave should go.
114
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,800
- Why?
- Dave, you should totally go.
115
00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:20,610
- You're a dick.
- Don't be afraid, dave.
116
00:07:20,610 --> 00:07:21,870
You're a pussy.
117
00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:30,750
Fuck off!
118

00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:40,190


- Did you spray anything over there?
- I think I might have shat my pants.
119
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,330
If that guy spoke to me like
that I would have kicked his ass.
120
00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:48,400
Todd, when have you
ever kicked anyone's ass?
121
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,800
Whatever, man. I would have
just gone for his knees.
122
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,210
Well, you're not making sense.
123
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,580
Well, what I'm saying is the
superior force of batman's batarang
124
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:56,610
would undoubtedly penetrate
the joker's force field,
125
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,050
Leaving him totally vulnerable to the...
126
00:07:58,050 --> 00:08:01,140
- All right, and then... but, you know...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa pussy patrol.
127
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:02,750
Phones. Money.
128
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,480
Dude, not again, come on.
129
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:07,260
Phone.
130
00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:09,490
I don't have one someone
else jacked it last week.
131

00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,090


- Pussy.
- Give me the bag.
132
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:15,260
- It's just comics.
- Yo, you wanna get cut?
133
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,370
Look at this asshole just watching.
134
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:35,510
Come on, be honest with yourself.
135
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:38,380
Would you do anything differently?
136
00:08:40,190 --> 00:08:43,250
We see someone in trouble
and we wish we could help,
137
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:44,650
But we don't.
138
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:53,360
The world I lived in... heroes
only existed in comic books.
139
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,900
I guess that would have been okay
if bad guys were make-believe, too.
140
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:01,340
But they're not.
141
00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:05,740
Frankie, I'm telling you, man,
I swear I'm not making this up.
142
00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:09,020
This fucking guy comes out of nowhere.
143
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:12,610
Kicks our asses and steals all the coke.
144
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,390
- The guy that looks like batman?

- I didn't say he looked like batman.


145
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:19,360
You did Tre, you said the
guy looked like batman.
146
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,430
- He said like a mask and stuff.
- And a cape.
147
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:22,430
Yeah, like batman.
148
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,330
I didn't say "like batman".
I never said "batman".
149
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,460
Okay.
150
00:09:27,470 --> 00:09:30,030
Let me tell you the problem
I got with that, Tre.
151
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:34,600
Our mole with the Russians
tells things a little different.
152
00:09:35,140 --> 00:09:39,710
According to him, you sold him
my coke and you took the money.
153
00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:41,840
That's a fucking lie!
154
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,850
I can't believe that you would believe
this shit from a fucking Russian,
155
00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:46,190
Man!
156
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:48,950
Let me see, Tre,
what's more likely, huh?
157
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,260

That you're a greedy little


158
00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:54,730
Cock-sucker or all my coke
was stolen by superman?
159
00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:56,460
- Batman.
- I never said batman!
160
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:57,760
Enough!
161
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:06,270
My son is waiting to go to the movies
and I ain't gonna disappoint him.
162
00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:08,910
Joe, you're in charge.
163
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:13,150
That's gotta be the worst
fucking excuse I ever heard, Tre.
164
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,130
Sorry you had to wait, buddy.
165
00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:23,760
the movie is starting in 10 minutes.
166
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,520
It's okay, we're cool.
167
00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:27,210
We're only gonna miss the trailers.
168
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,930
Yeah, but I wanna get some popcorn.
169
00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:32,060
When we get in there, get
chris some popcorn. okay?
170
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,040
What d'you wanna drink?
171

00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,570


- You want a pepsi?
- Yeah, that's fine.
172
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:38,730
Get him a pepsi and
I'll have an icee. mixed.
173
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,170
Like when they mix the
red one and the blue one.
174
00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:45,380
And a pack of twizzlers.
175
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:09,230
The comic books had it wrong.
176
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:12,170
It didn't take a trauma or cosmic
177
00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:15,000
rays or a power ring
to make a superhero.
178
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:20,150
Just the perfect combination
of optimism and naivety.
179
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,810
You are fucking awesome.
180
00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:01,320
Come on then, bring it on!
181
00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:31,680
- Daddy, I'm scared.
- come on, mindy. honey.
182
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:34,880
Be a big girl now. there's
nothing to be afraid of.
183
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,920
- Is it gonna hurt bad?
- Oh, child.
184

00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:39,890


Only for a second, sugar.
185
00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:43,260
A handgun bullet travels at more than...
186
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,800
- 700 miles an hour.
- 700 miles an hour.
187
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,350
So at close range, like this,
188
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,400
The force is gonna take you
off your feet for sure...
189
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,430
...but it's really no more
painful than a punch in the chest.
190
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,440
I hate getting punched in the chest.
191
00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:57,910
You're gonna be fine, baby doll.
192
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:08,610
How was that? not so bad.
193
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:12,050
Kinda fun, huh? now
you know how it feels.
194
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,560
You won't be scared when some
junkie asshole pulls a glock.
195
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,530
- I wouldn't have been scared anyways.
- That's my girl.
196
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,370
All right, up you get. come on.
197
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,970
Two more rounds and then home.

198
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,870
- Again?
- Uh-huh.
199
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,240
Only if we can go by the
bowling alley on the way back.
200
00:13:28,410 --> 00:13:32,900
- The bowling alley? Yeah. and ice-cream after.
201
00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:38,980
Okay. two more rounds. no wincing...
202
00:13:39,190 --> 00:13:42,990
...no whining, and you got
yourself a deal, young lady.
203
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,760
Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae.
204
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,750
Good call, baby doll.
205
00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:55,020
So, have you thought about what
you might want for your birthday?
206
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:56,860
Can I get a puppy?
207
00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:01,470
- You wanna get a dog?
- Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one.
208
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,310
And a bratz moviestar makeover sasha.
209
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,120
I'm just fucking with you, daddy.
210
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,490
Look, I'll have a benchmade
model-42 butterfly knife.

211
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:18,320
Oh, child. you always
knock me for a loop.
212
00:14:18,660 --> 00:14:19,930
- You know what?
- What?
213
00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:22,030
- I'm gonna get you two.
- Two?
214
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:25,290
One balisong. two balisong.
that's what you get.
215
00:14:43,990 --> 00:14:46,850
The glass of fashion
and the mould of form.
216
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:50,790
- The observed of all observers,
- Quite, quite down!
217
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,520
And I, of ladies most
deject and wretched...
218
00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:01,070
I'll be honest,
219
00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:04,600
There wasn't a whole lot of
crime-fighting in those first few weeks.
220
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:08,540
But even so, my new
vocation kept me plenty busy.
221
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:14,850
Shit.
222
00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:16,370
I called it preparation.
223
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,220
But if you called it fantasizing,

it would have been hard to argue.


224
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:29,030
All I knew was I'd never
felt so good about myself.
225
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:46,740
Fuck!
226
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,180
Okay, maybe I was still
in the beta testing phase.
227
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,050
But it was a start.
228
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,740
What the fuck are you looking at?
229
00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:15,870
- Nothing.
- Get the fuck out of here!
230
00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:22,680
Like every serial killer already knew,
231
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,580
Eventually fantasizing just
doesn't do it for you any more.
232
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,380
It was time to engage.
233
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:31,890
Hurry up, man.
234
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,820
What the fuck...?
235
00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,540
The fuck you looking at?
236
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,900
I said what the fuck are you looking at?
237
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,390

Two cheap shit losers


screwing with a car...
238
00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:01,550
...that someone probably
worked their ass off to pay for.
239
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,450
- Say what?
- Leave it be, man.
240
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,660
This motherfucker's obviously high.
241
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,450
I'm not high.
242
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:14,290
I just think it sucks you guys
think you can do what you want.
243
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,100
Just walk away from the car
and we can forget about this.
244
00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:22,880
You're crazy, man.
245
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,070
Fuck this shit.
246
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:39,750
- Shit.
- Let's get out of here.
247
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,230
I came round long enough to beg the
248
00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,710
Medic not to tell
anybody about the costume.
249
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,910
He promised he wouldn't.
250
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:33,770
All I knew was my dad was gonna kill me.

251
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,500
Why can't I have a gun?
I'm a security guard.
252
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,970
You're a doorman now. you
don't get a gun no more.
253
00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:55,500
I look like a putz.
254
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,560
You look sharp. all them buttons.
do your job, open the fucking door.
255
00:19:02,310 --> 00:19:03,440
Have a nice day.
256
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,610
- Good morning, Frank.
- Hey, Joe, how you doing?
257
00:19:34,610 --> 00:19:35,640
Great.
258
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,940
- Want some coffee?
- Maybe later.
259
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:39,750
- Morning, Ange.
- Morning.
260
00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:41,370
- Chris.
- Morning, Joe.
261
00:19:42,650 --> 00:19:44,550
Frank, we got a thing.
262
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,980
It's a big thing, Frank.
263
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,320
Okay.

264
00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:56,320
- Sorry, hon.
- Do what you gotta do.
265
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,900
- Chris, where do you think you're going?
- I gotta talk to dad.
266
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:05,060
Christopher.
267
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:06,500
Frank, honey.
268
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,740
Where do you think you're going?
269
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:14,780
I don't mind you talking business.
I was just gonna sit quietly.
270
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,380
I should probably start
learning this stuff anyway.
271
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,220
Hey, go finish your oatmeal.
272
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:23,050
God-dammit, I'm gonna be 18
in 8 months, for christ sakes.
273
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:27,320
Take a seat.
274
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,700
So what's the problem?
275
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:36,430
Our Russian says that tre just sold
him another 5 k's at half price.
276
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:40,230
- Which Tre? Tre Tre?
- Right. dead Tre.
277

00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:42,940


So now I'm getting fucked
in the ass by a ghost?
278
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:44,810
Or tre was telling the truth.
279
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:50,320
What, this is my choice? I gotta
believe in ghosts or superheroes?
280
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:52,990
Not the part about
the superhero, Frankie.
281
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,980
Just that he might have really
been gaffled by somebody.
282
00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,520
I think we better invite our
russian over for a friendly chat.
283
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,500
See what's really going on.
284
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,450
Hey, early birdie. you beat me to it.
285
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,510
I wanted to get you
breakfast this morning.
286
00:21:28,860 --> 00:21:30,620
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
287
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:33,920
Check this out.
288
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,530
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
289
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,300
Oh my gosh! dad.
290
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,210
Wow. watch, dad.

291
00:21:53,950 --> 00:21:57,420
Okay, pop quiz. what's the
proper name for one of those?
292
00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:59,950
Balisong. it's Filipino. Ask me another.
293
00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:01,090
Excellent, good.
294
00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:03,990
The AR15 was a lighter...
295
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:07,290
...smaller calibre
version of what design?
296
00:22:07,290 --> 00:22:10,260
Eugene Stoner's AR10.
now give me a hard one.
297
00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:12,420
The name of...
298
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,300
...John Woo's first
full-length feature?
299
00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:19,430
'Tie Han Rou Qing'. 'The Young Dragons'.
300
00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:21,100
Daddy, look.
301
00:22:21,610 --> 00:22:23,410
Hey, come on, you're not looking.
302
00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:29,910
The point is some fucker
is killing our guys.
303
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:31,650
And until we find out who that is,
304
00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:34,170

I don't wanna see any of you


bitches sitting around on your asses,
305
00:22:34,170 --> 00:22:34,680
All right?!
306
00:22:34,790 --> 00:22:35,780
What the fuck d'you...
307
00:22:36,820 --> 00:22:38,020
Hello.
308
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,080
Hey, Joe, yeah.
309
00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:43,660
No, he's just training
right now. one second.
310
00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:46,330
Dad. phone.
311
00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:49,930
Dad, the phone's for you.
312
00:22:50,070 --> 00:22:51,770
- Who is it?
- It's joe.
313
00:22:56,310 --> 00:22:57,040
What's the problem?
314
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:57,980
Yeah, Frank...
315
00:22:57,980 --> 00:22:59,810
Turns out we ain't got
the vice here no more.
316
00:22:59,810 --> 00:23:01,470
- Really?
- Uh-uh.
317
00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:03,490
But we do got a brand new industrial
318

00:23:03,490 --> 00:23:05,820


Microwave -they use it
for treating the lumber.
319
00:23:05,820 --> 00:23:07,220
Well, that is neat.
320
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,890
I think you must be
confusing me with someone who
321
00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:11,960
Gives a shit about the fucking lumber!
322
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,490
- yeah, o-okay. all right, frank.
- now quit bugging me and
323
00:23:13,490 --> 00:23:14,680
All right, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay? I...
324
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:15,860
Get the fucking rest of the information.
325
00:23:15,860 --> 00:23:16,960
All right, okay.
326
00:23:18,870 --> 00:23:20,130
Right, come on, go ahead.
327
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,740
Hey, look, the guys tell
me he's Tre Fernandez.
328
00:23:22,740 --> 00:23:24,070
What do I know, huh?
329
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,970
- Shut up.
- Now you say Fernandez is dead.
330
00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:27,840
- Okay, he lie.
- Get inside. shut up.
331
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,740

- He lie about...
- Fucking mamaluke...
332
00:23:32,510 --> 00:23:34,540
This work like a regular microwave?
333
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,640
Fuck do I know? we're not making a
hungry man dinner. just turn it on.
334
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:42,990
Here we go.
335
00:23:42,990 --> 00:23:46,120
Okay, I wanna know
who sold you our coke.
336
00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:49,290
And don't tell me somebody
who's dead this time.
337
00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:55,460
Can he hear you? I don't
think he can hear you.
338
00:23:57,540 --> 00:24:00,740
I said who really sold you our coke?
339
00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:07,410
Who sold...
340
00:24:07,610 --> 00:24:11,070
...you... our... coke?
341
00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,650
Oh, shit! shit!
342
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:22,550
This is awesome!
343
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:24,860
I look like fricking wolverine.
344
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:28,100
You still have that metal
detector at your school?

345
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,570
Yeah. it's gonna have a meltdown.
346
00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:35,470
Dave, I need to ask you something.
347
00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,570
Okay.
348
00:24:38,950 --> 00:24:41,880
The police report. they found you naked.
349
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,510
You said you didn't remember why.
350
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,710
The muggers, they didn't...
351
00:24:48,260 --> 00:24:49,480
What?
352
00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:56,420
No. jesus. no, I... I wasn't even...
353
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,530
In the ambulance they threw my
clothes away because of the blood.
354
00:25:01,870 --> 00:25:03,340
Okay, okay.
355
00:25:09,110 --> 00:25:11,880
Seemed like no time at all
before I was back on my feet.
356
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,870
- Dave's what?
- Keep it down.
357
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,730
Apart from some
messed-up nerve endings,
358
00:25:17,730 --> 00:25:20,080
The doctors fixed me up pretty good.

359
00:25:20,390 --> 00:25:22,060
- Did you feel that?
- No.
360
00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:25,120
You're like fucking Jason Bourne
or something, man. that owns.
361
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,630
- How about that?
- No, Marty.
362
00:25:27,630 --> 00:25:29,290
Give it a fucking rest.
363
00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:30,860
I've only been back like half a day and
364
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,900
You're already making me
kinda miss the hospital.
365
00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:35,840
He's right. I'm sorry. I'm
acting totally childish.
366
00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:37,730
- Stop with the fork.
- Watch this.
367
00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:50,440
Hey.
368
00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:54,320
Dave, hey.
369
00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:57,290
Oh, hey.
370
00:25:58,330 --> 00:26:00,520
How are you? you look better.
371
00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:04,130
I'm good. yeah, much better.
372
00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:06,460

You're into comic books, aren't you?


373
00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:09,570
Well, me and Erika sometimes
hang out after school
374
00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:12,040
At this really great
store -atomic comics.
375
00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:14,630
They make the best white
chocolate milk-a-latte.
376
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,300
Yeah?
377
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:23,640
I could buy you one sometime
if you need someone to talk to.
378
00:26:26,090 --> 00:26:28,550
- Sure. thank you.
- Okay.
379
00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,420
Sweet. well, I'll see you later.
380
00:26:34,390 --> 00:26:35,730
- Did you see that?
- Yeah?
381
00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,070
Katie Deauxma just
offered to buy me coffee.
382
00:26:38,070 --> 00:26:40,970
Yeah. you know, I really don't
think that's what it looks like.
383
00:26:40,970 --> 00:26:43,600
- What are you talking about?
- The point is...
384
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,070
...Katie's all about the lame ducks.
385

00:26:46,340 --> 00:26:48,010


What's this got to do with me?
386
00:26:48,010 --> 00:26:50,410
I've been trying to figure
out how to tell you this.
387
00:26:51,450 --> 00:26:53,780
- There's a rumour going around...
- Right.
388
00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:55,220
- ...that you...
- What?
389
00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:57,050
- ...are gay.
- Gay?!
390
00:26:57,350 --> 00:27:00,320
- What kind of rumour's that?
- Well, getting mugged and...
391
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,760
- You guys have been mugged.
- I know, but...
392
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,430
...we didn't get beat up and
have all our clothes taken off.
393
00:27:05,430 --> 00:27:08,450
It's not even true. the
medic threw my clothes away.
394
00:27:09,730 --> 00:27:11,570
Don't worry about it.
rumours don't mean shit.
395
00:27:11,570 --> 00:27:12,430
We know the truth.
396
00:27:12,430 --> 00:27:13,030
Right?
397
00:27:13,030 --> 00:27:13,770
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

398
00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:16,140
Who knows, this might even get you laid.
399
00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:19,300
No, not if she thinks he's
gay, Todd. you fucking retard.
400
00:27:19,870 --> 00:27:22,430
- That's really fucking helping me!
- I'm just being honest.
401
00:27:26,250 --> 00:27:28,580
I was getting back to my old self.
402
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,850
I should have quit, of course...
403
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,450
...but you can't just
re-programme yourself...
404
00:27:33,750 --> 00:27:37,160
...what you want, who you
are, your purpose in life.
405
00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:39,930
No, I'm just standing around.
406
00:27:40,390 --> 00:27:41,490
No, I'm not!
407
00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:44,430
- It is what it is.
- How about that, huh?
408
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:49,670
Oh, yeah. didn't see that, did you?
409
00:27:49,670 --> 00:27:51,610
Think it's best that you just walk away.
410
00:27:51,610 --> 00:27:53,070
Well maybe you shouldn't do that.
411
00:27:53,070 --> 00:27:54,040

What? huh?
412
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:54,980
Are you looking at me?
413
00:27:54,980 --> 00:27:56,600
Well, this is my business.
414
00:28:08,090 --> 00:28:11,290
Me? my hardware was fixed now.
415
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:15,260
I was back and running
Kick-Ass version 2.0.
416
00:28:24,810 --> 00:28:26,800
Excuse me. Have you seen this cat?
417
00:28:27,510 --> 00:28:29,270
No? okay, thank you.
418
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,740
Excuse me, ma'am,
have you seen this cat?
419
00:28:34,510 --> 00:28:36,980
I'm sorry, did you see this cat?
420
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:39,310
No? okay.
421
00:29:00,370 --> 00:29:02,030
Oh, great!
422
00:29:03,210 --> 00:29:06,270
Here, kitty. here, mr Bitey.
423
00:29:11,850 --> 00:29:13,390
Come on. no, no, no, no, no.
424
00:29:13,390 --> 00:29:15,550
No, no, no. mr Bitey, come on.
425
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,020
Back here. come on, let's
get you home. come on.

426
00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:32,930
Fuck you, mr Bitey!
427
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,850
Oh, god, I'm so sorry, man.
428
00:29:38,850 --> 00:29:39,780
You fucking...
429
00:29:44,990 --> 00:29:45,950
Thanks, freak.
430
00:29:48,990 --> 00:29:52,050
- Leave him alone.
- Fuck off, it's none of your business.
431
00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:56,420
Yes it is.
432
00:30:24,820 --> 00:30:26,620
Hey, call 911!
433
00:30:32,100 --> 00:30:36,160
Hey, there's a dude dressed like a
superhero fighting a bunch of guys.
434
00:30:40,970 --> 00:30:42,460
It's fucking awesome!
435
00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:11,160
Leave him alone!
436
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,440
Give it up, man. just walk away.
437
00:31:21,450 --> 00:31:22,710
No, never.
438
00:31:24,180 --> 00:31:27,950
What the fuck is wrong with you? you'd
rather die for some piece of shit..
439
00:31:28,260 --> 00:31:30,420
...that you don't even fucking know?

440
00:31:30,790 --> 00:31:34,820
You 3 assholes laying into 1
guy while everybody else watches.
441
00:31:35,660 --> 00:31:37,720
And you wanna know
what's wrong with me?!
442
00:31:40,270 --> 00:31:44,170
Yeah, I'd rather die. so bring it on!
443
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,270
You're fucking crazy, kid.
444
00:31:56,980 --> 00:31:57,920
Thank you.
445
00:31:58,690 --> 00:31:59,580
What?!
446
00:32:00,820 --> 00:32:01,910
Thank you.
447
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,830
That fucking rocked. who are you?
448
00:32:10,030 --> 00:32:11,260
I'm Kick-Ass.
449
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,310
Dude, you gotta check this shit out.
450
00:32:18,310 --> 00:32:19,170
What is it?
451
00:32:20,610 --> 00:32:22,180
And coming up after the hour.
452
00:32:22,180 --> 00:32:25,580
A costume vigilante has become
the latest internet phenomenon...
453
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,640
After a Hamilton park resident filmed
the man's remarkable intervention...

454
00:32:30,620 --> 00:32:32,820
- This is awesome.
- Fuck, yeah!
455
00:32:32,820 --> 00:32:35,890
Welcome to this special
edition of eye on New York.
456
00:32:35,890 --> 00:32:38,660
How far would you go
to help your fellow man?
457
00:32:38,660 --> 00:32:41,960
This colourful individual
has been all over the news...
458
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,130
...after a video of his intervention
of street gang violence...
459
00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:47,760
...became the most watched
clip on the internet.
460
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,530
You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy...
461
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,540
Myspace...38 friends.
462
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,840
Kick Ass's myspace...16,000
and counting.
463
00:32:58,140 --> 00:33:01,740
This thing was going
crazy and I was loving it.
464
00:33:01,850 --> 00:33:05,390
And finally, we want
to know who is this man.
465
00:33:05,390 --> 00:33:09,150
Does anyone have any idea
who this wetsuit crusader is?
466
00:33:09,290 --> 00:33:12,060

He must be someone's
son, someone's brother,
467
00:33:12,060 --> 00:33:13,390
Someone's next door neighbour.
468
00:33:13,390 --> 00:33:15,620
Holy shit. what happened?
469
00:33:15,730 --> 00:33:18,320
What happened? this guy happened.
470
00:33:19,770 --> 00:33:21,630
It's a great day for america, everybody.
471
00:33:23,140 --> 00:33:26,770
Everybody's favourite superhero
right now. Kick-Ass, right?
472
00:33:27,370 --> 00:33:28,810
Yeah!
473
00:33:30,310 --> 00:33:34,270
I like kick-ass. his costume is crappy.
474
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,070
He looks like a transvestite...
475
00:33:36,220 --> 00:33:38,550
You know what? everyone likes kick-ass.
476
00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:41,650
Did you see the clip? He
was actually pretty good.
477
00:33:41,790 --> 00:33:44,220
Good at getting his ass kicked.
478
00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:47,450
He should call himself
ass-kick instead.
479
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,660
That doesn't even make sense.
480
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,370

That guy's gonna end up


dead, that's what I think.
481
00:33:54,370 --> 00:33:56,670
Are you serious? The guy owns.
482
00:33:56,670 --> 00:33:59,260
I'd e-mail his site if I
had a problem worth fixing.
483
00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:03,310
I got 100 guys can fix a problem,
you'd hire some putz in pantyhose?
484
00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:07,600
I wouldn't wanna get in the way of
your 'business' where I'm not wanted.
485
00:34:07,910 --> 00:34:11,940
I know you have mistaken me for
kick-ass, but I am not kick-ass.
486
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,800
So you don't actually read comics?
487
00:34:32,910 --> 00:34:34,010
I just started.
488
00:34:34,010 --> 00:34:37,170
I got recommended some like
Scott Pilgrim and Shojo Beat,
489
00:34:37,170 --> 00:34:38,240
That kinda thing.
490
00:34:38,340 --> 00:34:40,870
I'm not really into the
whole superhero thing, though.
491
00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:46,020
So I guess you're not gonna line up
for that new kick-ass comic, then?
492
00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:50,290
I guess not. but I was seriously
thinking of mailing his site.
493

00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:53,130


I mean, I could really use some
help from a guy like that right now.
494
00:34:53,130 --> 00:34:55,890
Help? really? what with?
495
00:34:56,460 --> 00:34:58,930
You know I volunteer
at the needle exchange?
496
00:34:59,370 --> 00:35:00,730
No, I didn't.
497
00:35:00,730 --> 00:35:04,600
Well, there's this one guy, Rasul.
I felt so sorry for him and...
498
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,970
...the more I found out about his
upbringing and stuff, I just...
499
00:35:10,580 --> 00:35:15,140
Wow, that's weird. I'm usually
the one playing therapist.
500
00:35:16,980 --> 00:35:19,280
Can I make a confession?
501
00:35:19,790 --> 00:35:24,020
Ever since I was little I've
always wanted a friend...
502
00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:26,160
...like you.
503
00:35:26,790 --> 00:35:30,320
Is it okay to say that?
that's not homophobic, is it?
504
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,320
I mean, I don't think you're
all the same or anything.
505
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,170
Of course not, no.
506

00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:47,670


Thank you.
507
00:35:52,220 --> 00:35:56,380
I don't know if I was everything
Katie dreamed her gay bff would be...
508
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,180
...but I tried my best.
509
00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:02,130
More importantly, I talked
her into mailing Kick-Ass.
510
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:07,100
Long story short, this
particular lame duck of hers...
511
00:36:07,100 --> 00:36:09,430
...turned out to be
more of a lame cobra.
512
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,770
She didn't want the money
back she'd given him...
513
00:36:12,770 --> 00:36:15,760
...or an apology for the
black eye he'd given her.
514
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,640
She just wanted him to get that they
were through and leave her alone.
515
00:36:20,050 --> 00:36:24,280
And let's be real, no other request
could have given me more pleasure.
516
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,590
Who the fuck are you supposed
to be? The green condom?
517
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,400
You know it ain't halloween
for another few months, kid?
518
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,470
I'm here to see Rasul.

519
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:53,610
Who the fuck are you?
520
00:36:54,110 --> 00:36:56,910
I'm Ki... I'm a friend of Katie's.
521
00:37:02,860 --> 00:37:04,880
Kids nowadays in their tights.
522
00:37:19,410 --> 00:37:22,430
So, which one of you guys is Rasul?
523
00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:33,310
I'm Rasul. can't you
tell by my big titties?
524
00:37:36,590 --> 00:37:38,520
What is this? trick
or treat or something?
525
00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:42,420
Fuck. now I'm dead.
526
00:37:43,830 --> 00:37:47,430
I've a message for Rasul
about Katie Deauxma.
527
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,490
Katie?
528
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:52,940
Oh, you're Rasul?
529
00:37:53,670 --> 00:37:57,510
Okay. you gotta stay away
from Katie now. It's over.
530
00:37:57,780 --> 00:38:01,300
So if you just leave her
alone everything will be fine.
531
00:38:01,850 --> 00:38:02,840
What?
532
00:38:04,350 --> 00:38:06,720

Yo, kid. who the hell are you?


533
00:38:07,250 --> 00:38:08,450
And what is this?
534
00:38:09,260 --> 00:38:11,450
I'm kick-ass. Look me up.
535
00:38:12,060 --> 00:38:16,460
And this is me giving you a
message. Leave Katie alone.
536
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,240
Or what?
537
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:37,540
Or... I'll come back...
538
00:38:38,790 --> 00:38:40,810
...and break your fucking legs.
539
00:38:45,630 --> 00:38:47,320
I'm right here now, baby.
540
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:50,960
Fuck!
541
00:38:57,940 --> 00:38:58,930
Hold him.
542
00:39:06,150 --> 00:39:07,810
You are so fucking dead, man.
543
00:39:23,130 --> 00:39:27,030
Okay, you cunts. Let's
see what you can do now.
544
00:39:27,470 --> 00:39:29,730
Eeny, meeny...
545
00:39:29,940 --> 00:39:31,960
...miny, mo.
546
00:39:52,860 --> 00:39:53,990
What the fuck?!

547
00:40:21,490 --> 00:40:23,350
Hey, I got one of those.
548
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:42,030
Come on.
549
00:40:43,110 --> 00:40:44,510
So you wanna play.
550
00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:02,590
What the fuck?
551
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:09,360
Oh, dude, that is
one gay-looking taser.
552
00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:13,740
Relax, we're on the same team.
553
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,340
Hey, get up.
554
00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:26,780
Now, hit girl, we always
keep our backs where?
555
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:31,820
To the wall, daddy, I
know. it won't happen again.
556
00:41:32,460 --> 00:41:34,650
- Nice shot, by the way.
- Thank you.
557
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:53,670
Let's go.
558
00:41:55,350 --> 00:41:58,680
Hey, asshole, you can't
use the front door now.
559
00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:14,460
Wait, wait, wait.
560
00:42:15,870 --> 00:42:16,800
What?

561
00:42:17,940 --> 00:42:19,340
Who are you?
562
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:20,430
Me?
563
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:22,970
I'm Hit Girl.
564
00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:27,300
Big Daddy.
565
00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:34,420
Come on.
566
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:40,950
Come on!
567
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,390
Hit girl and Big Daddy.
568
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,160
They were the real deal.
569
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:24,690
Me?
570
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,270
I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit.
571
00:43:43,860 --> 00:43:46,150
What is this? what am I looking at here?
572
00:43:46,330 --> 00:43:49,660
It was Sal's phone. They
found it in his hand.
573
00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:52,230
He must have taken that
right before he died.
574
00:43:52,230 --> 00:43:55,960
I know this sounds fucked-up,
Frankie, but that guy in the picture...

575
00:43:56,870 --> 00:44:00,030
...I think it's that
superhero nut job from the tv.
576
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,210
Who?
577
00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:03,670
Kick-Ass?
578
00:44:04,140 --> 00:44:05,510
One guy?
579
00:44:06,450 --> 00:44:09,440
Hold on, you're telling me one
guy killed 8 of my men tonight?
580
00:44:14,050 --> 00:44:18,180
8 at Sal's place. 4 at that kid Rasul's.
581
00:44:19,530 --> 00:44:21,690
We have no merchandise
on the street at all?
582
00:44:21,690 --> 00:44:22,790
Right.
583
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:27,790
- One guy?
- I think.
584
00:44:28,570 --> 00:44:32,090
If you're right, we'll look like
the biggest pussies in new york.
585
00:44:32,710 --> 00:44:34,200
What do you want me to do?
586
00:44:35,310 --> 00:44:40,210
I want kick-ass's fucking head
on a stick, and I want it now.
587
00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:51,850
I didn't say anything
to anyone, I swear.
588

00:44:51,990 --> 00:44:56,090


Good move, Ass... kick.
Let's keep it that way.
589
00:44:57,300 --> 00:44:58,850
You know what this is?
590
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,410
It's all the cartridge crap that comes
591
00:45:01,410 --> 00:45:03,390
Out of your gay little
taser when you fire it.
592
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,190
You do know the police could have traced
593
00:45:05,190 --> 00:45:06,900
This right back to
you if they'd found it?
594
00:45:07,110 --> 00:45:10,200
But lucky for you... I picked it up.
595
00:45:11,380 --> 00:45:12,470
Thank you.
596
00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:17,550
Let's call it insurance. makes it
easier for us to take your word.
597
00:45:17,550 --> 00:45:20,950
See, we like you, but
we don't trust you.
598
00:45:22,050 --> 00:45:24,890
Don't take it personal.
we don't trust anybody.
599
00:45:24,890 --> 00:45:27,390
I re-routed your IP address.
600
00:45:27,390 --> 00:45:31,060
Finding you was way too easy.
601
00:45:31,900 --> 00:45:35,770
Oh, shit. shit, I

hadn't thought. my god.


602
00:45:35,770 --> 00:45:38,130
I, I owe you.
603
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,270
I'm thinking of shutting
my site down anyway.
604
00:45:41,770 --> 00:45:46,010
Quitting. I mean, this
is... it's fucking insane.
605
00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:48,480
I'm in way over my head.
606
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,780
It's a shame. you have potential.
607
00:45:50,780 --> 00:45:54,220
Your call. but you know
we're around if you need us.
608
00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,160
How do I get a hold of you?
609
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:58,960
You just contact the mayor's office.
610
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,320
He has a special signal
he shines in the sky.
611
00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:03,360
In the shape of a giant cock.
612
00:46:04,460 --> 00:46:07,700
You need us, put on your website
you're on vacation. we'll find you.
613
00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:09,220
Hit girl, back to headquarters.
614
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,930
Sweet dreams.
615

00:46:19,180 --> 00:46:21,080


I need you to get rid of Kick-Ass.
616
00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,640
- Yo. whoa, whoa, whoa. what's up?
- What's up?
617
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,080
Kick-Ass is killing my men,
gigante, that's what's up.
618
00:46:27,820 --> 00:46:29,580
My condolences, Frank.
619
00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:33,260
But I'm afraid I can't
help you on this one.
620
00:46:33,260 --> 00:46:37,260
- little bit outside my jurisdiction.
- Outside your jurisdiction?
621
00:46:37,260 --> 00:46:39,130
You're a fucking cop and
he's breaking the law.
622
00:46:39,130 --> 00:46:42,470
That's so inside it's ball-deep
in your jurisdiction's ass.
623
00:46:42,470 --> 00:46:43,560
Listen to me.
624
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,100
The cops pay me to nail the
bad guys. you pay me not to.
625
00:46:47,210 --> 00:46:51,120
- Everything else is in the grey area.
- fuck you very much. just do it.
626
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:51,510
Okay.
627
00:46:53,250 --> 00:46:55,110
Un-fucking-believable.

628
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,550
Where's Cody? he's late.
629
00:46:59,050 --> 00:47:03,350
Thank you, Cody. We
appreciate your co-operation.
630
00:47:03,460 --> 00:47:05,120
Let me out now?
631
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,250
I gave you all them names and addresses.
632
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,730
Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody.
633
00:47:09,730 --> 00:47:12,300
You and your crazy midget friend
can go bash whoever you want.
634
00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:13,000
Hey, come on.
635
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,700
Hey, I know some very bad people
up town. really nasty individuals.
636
00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:18,540
Let me go. hey, come on.
637
00:47:18,540 --> 00:47:21,200
Hey, hey, don't do this. you
don't need to do this. come on.
638
00:47:22,240 --> 00:47:23,610
Please. hey.
639
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:26,770
Come on, no, no...
640
00:47:29,150 --> 00:47:31,010
No, no, no! come on, please!
641
00:47:32,450 --> 00:47:34,420
Hey, you're crazy. please!

642
00:47:46,730 --> 00:47:48,460
What a douche.
643
00:48:01,950 --> 00:48:04,350
You have done self tan before, right?
644
00:48:04,980 --> 00:48:07,540
Yeah, like, I do it all the time.
645
00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:11,490
Murder, superheroes
breaking into my bedroom.
646
00:48:11,590 --> 00:48:15,320
My life had turned into some fucked-up
dream I couldn't wake up from.
647
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,330
Even the good parts
were totally surreal.
648
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:22,400
Oh, hey, I read those old
Ditko Spidermans you gave me.
649
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:23,830
They're actually pretty good.
650
00:48:25,070 --> 00:48:26,500
Yeah, they are.
651
00:48:28,010 --> 00:48:30,770
And it's been a whole week
since I've heard from Rasul.
652
00:48:33,980 --> 00:48:35,380
That's great.
653
00:49:30,670 --> 00:49:35,830
Once upon a time there were 2
supercops called Daddy and Marcus...
654
00:49:35,970 --> 00:49:38,530
...who were very good
at getting bad guys.
655

00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,610


Frank D'Amico was the
baddest guy of them all...
656
00:49:42,610 --> 00:49:45,810
...and he came up with a
plan to get rid of daddy.
657
00:49:49,690 --> 00:49:52,020
Being framed as a drug dealer was the
658
00:49:52,020 --> 00:49:54,990
Worst thing that could
have happened to daddy.
659
00:49:57,130 --> 00:50:00,500
Prison was not his natural habitat.
660
00:50:00,870 --> 00:50:02,700
He was very upset.
661
00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:10,170
With daddy in prison, his
pregnant wife was all alone...
662
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,340
...and could not cope.
663
00:50:15,910 --> 00:50:19,940
But all clouds have a silver
lining and out of her death...
664
00:50:23,890 --> 00:50:25,880
...Mindy was born.
665
00:50:26,090 --> 00:50:28,720
Marcus became the child's guardian...
666
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,930
...and daddy started
a plan of his very own.
667
00:50:34,030 --> 00:50:38,060
5 years later he left
prison, and he was ready.
668
00:50:42,070 --> 00:50:45,510

Now it was time for


Mindy to get ready, too.
669
00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:55,150
How did you find me, Marcus?
670
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,360
One of us is still a cop, remember?
671
00:51:07,300 --> 00:51:09,070
Is this how you brainwashed Mindy?
672
00:51:09,070 --> 00:51:11,840
You say brainwashed, I
say made it into a game.
673
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,630
You call this playing, Damon?
674
00:51:13,770 --> 00:51:17,300
Vigilante justice. mass
murder. come on, partner.
675
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:20,800
So where is she?
676
00:51:21,250 --> 00:51:23,240
- She's safe.
- Can I see her?
677
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:26,320
I miss her.
678
00:51:27,950 --> 00:51:29,920
I miss you both.
679
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:34,550
I appreciate your concern,
but you need to go now.
680
00:51:40,070 --> 00:51:43,800
I should warn you, that asshole
Gigante is looking for kick-ass.
681
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,670
He got something to do with you, Damon?

682
00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:49,340
You started some kind of
fucked-up superhero club?
683
00:51:49,340 --> 00:51:52,740
- Never heard of him.
- Okay. heads up, all right?
684
00:51:52,950 --> 00:51:54,810
You keep carrying on
like you been carrying on,
685
00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:57,580
It's only a matter of time
before Gigante is looking for you.
686
00:51:57,980 --> 00:52:01,850
He's been on D'Amico's payroll ever
since you passed up the opportunity.
687
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,420
You know I'm not gonna stop.
688
00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:09,660
Not until D'Amico and his
whole damn operation...
689
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:13,750
...are burnt to ashes and buried.
690
00:52:15,030 --> 00:52:16,900
It ain't gonna bring her back, damon.
691
00:52:18,170 --> 00:52:20,660
This is not the life for Mindy.
692
00:52:23,380 --> 00:52:25,370
You owe that kid a childhood.
693
00:52:26,750 --> 00:52:28,800
I'll tell you who owes her a childhood.
694
00:52:29,250 --> 00:52:31,270
Frank D'Amico!
695
00:52:50,100 --> 00:52:51,760

Holy shit.
696
00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:56,830
I don't fucking believe it.
697
00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:01,540
Follow him, round the corner.
698
00:53:02,580 --> 00:53:03,840
Not too fast.
699
00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:09,020
What's with the high-fives?
700
00:53:09,450 --> 00:53:11,580
I'll give you a
motherfucking high-five.
701
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,520
High-fiving bullshit.
keep going, keep going.
702
00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:18,230
Not too close.
703
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:24,790
He's going in the alley.
704
00:53:25,300 --> 00:53:27,300
He's going in the alley.
705
00:53:27,710 --> 00:53:31,270
Okay, when I tell you,
stop the car. ready?
706
00:53:35,310 --> 00:53:37,680
Hey, kick-ass.
707
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,040
How you doing?
708
00:53:41,420 --> 00:53:44,880
Kill my men, huh? take my fucking coke!
709
00:53:45,060 --> 00:53:47,130
Whoa, whoa, whoa, boss.

what are you doing?


710
00:53:47,130 --> 00:53:48,190
Boss, come on, we gotta go, baby.
711
00:53:48,190 --> 00:53:49,130
- Fucking scumbag!
- Come on, let's go.
712
00:53:49,430 --> 00:53:51,100
Boss, come on, he's had enough.
713
00:53:51,100 --> 00:53:52,890
Come on, Frank, he's
had enough. come on.
714
00:53:54,100 --> 00:53:56,620
What the fuck are you looking at? huh?
715
00:54:09,350 --> 00:54:11,780
Come on, come on. come
on, let's go. we gotta go.
716
00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:14,520
Fuck. shit. damn.
717
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:15,680
Come on, come on, get in.
718
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:25,900
He was so young. no-one
should have to die that way.
719
00:54:26,300 --> 00:54:28,700
I just can't believe
he's dead, that's all.
720
00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:33,600
Oh, I know. but, Katie...
721
00:54:34,100 --> 00:54:38,300
...guys like Rasul get
mixed up in stuff and...
722
00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:41,600
No, I know, I know, but
what if it was my fault?

723
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:45,200
What if kick-ass did it? I feel like
I should call the cops or something.
724
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:47,900
You're talking crazy. there's no way.
725
00:54:47,900 --> 00:54:50,200
He probably didn't even
read your email yet.
726
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:50,900
Yeah.
727
00:54:50,900 --> 00:54:52,800
You got nothing to worry about.
728
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:58,000
I'm so glad you're
here. I'm in such a mess.
729
00:54:58,300 --> 00:55:00,700
That's okay. it's not a problem.
730
00:55:01,700 --> 00:55:03,200
You're the best.
731
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:09,900
I hope it's okay to say this,
but... it so sucks that you're gay.
732
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:16,100
I don't fucking believe this.
733
00:55:17,900 --> 00:55:21,600
What kind of children's
enter-fuckingtainer is that?
734
00:55:23,100 --> 00:55:24,700
What kind of kid has a...
735
00:55:24,900 --> 00:55:28,500
...a spiderman party, sure,
but a fucking kick-ass party?
736

00:55:28,500 --> 00:55:31,200


They selling paper plates
and napkins at the store now?
737
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:34,100
Frank, you're scaring
me. you're losing it.
738
00:55:34,100 --> 00:55:37,100
Since when did you start getting
your hands dirty again? and in public.
739
00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:40,280
Since when I asked you fucks to deliver
me kick-ass and you don't deliver,
740
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:40,900
That's when.
741
00:55:40,900 --> 00:55:42,900
Give me a break, it's been a week.
742
00:55:42,900 --> 00:55:46,400
We got half the crew out
doing petty crimes as bait.
743
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,400
We're busting our asses here.
744
00:55:49,100 --> 00:55:50,500
What the hell are you doing?
745
00:55:51,300 --> 00:55:53,200
You're back on the powder now as well?
746
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:57,700
Mommy, I want a kick-ass
party. dumb little fucks.
747
00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:00,400
I know a way you can get him.
748
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:01,400
Shit!
749
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:02,900
Chris, how long you been there?

750
00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:04,300
What the hell are you
doing? Get the hell out.
751
00:56:04,300 --> 00:56:07,200
- Do you wanna hear it or not?
- Hear what?
752
00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:10,400
Okay, look. you're a superhero and...
753
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,900
...you can't trust anyone because
they'll expose your secret identity...
754
00:56:13,900 --> 00:56:16,200
Comic books this kid
reads, all fucking day long.
755
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,990
The point is, there's only one way a
superhero can trust a stranger, and..
756
00:56:20,100 --> 00:56:23,500
...I can be that stranger. you've
just gotta give me a chance.
757
00:56:23,500 --> 00:56:26,100
I know I can do it. I
just need a few things.
758
00:56:27,700 --> 00:56:28,900
Like what?
759
00:56:30,700 --> 00:56:32,500
I need these things.
760
00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:38,600
What, are you fucking kidding
me? what the hell is this?
761
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,400
It's, it's everything I need.
762
00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:43,000
And you might have to screw someone

over like Louie, or something.


763
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,500
Louie? oh, hey, Chris. uhhuh.
764
00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:46,800
Or, or somebody. it
doesn't have to be Louie.
765
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,800
- Tony.
- Tony.
766
00:56:48,900 --> 00:56:49,800
Tony?
767
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,400
- I hate tony.
- Yeah, fuck Tony. he's a scumbag.
768
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:55,900
I swear, dad, if you let
me do this, it's gonna work.
769
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:01,600
Tony.
770
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,400
Tony Romita, one of america's
most wanted crime kingpins,
771
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,300
was arrested in Queens today...
772
00:57:07,300 --> 00:57:10,300
...after a 911 call from someone
claiming to be a superhero...
773
00:57:10,300 --> 00:57:12,900
So, how are things going with Katie?
774
00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:15,800
Oh, just peachy.
775
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:17,800
We had a sleepover and
spent the whole night...

776
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:21,400
...watching the entire 'ugly
betty' box set and did pedicures.
777
00:57:21,500 --> 00:57:24,600
I'm telling you, the, the longer
you wait, the worse it's gonna get.
778
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:28,300
I know. I was gonna tell
her. she seemed so happy.
779
00:57:28,300 --> 00:57:31,200
- I don't know when's the right time.
- Well, now's your chance.
780
00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:34,100
- She didn't see that, did she?
- Hey, guys.
781
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,300
- Hi.
- Hi, sweet.
782
00:57:37,700 --> 00:57:40,000
Did you watch the tv?
the new superhero guy?
783
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,500
How cool is that?
784
00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:42,200
What?
785
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,700
- Hey, look.
- Could you turn it up, please?
786
00:57:44,700 --> 00:57:45,800
Check this out.
787
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:51,200
Far from being put off, this
individual, who calls himself red mist...
788
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,400

...has decided to take crime


fighting to a new level...
789
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,200
...as his actions last night proved.
790
00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:58,900
- Red mist, how do you see it?
- Folks have had enough of living in fear..
791
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:02,300
...and Kick-Ass proved that one
individual can make a difference.
792
00:58:02,300 --> 00:58:06,300
So if anyone out there needs
help, I'll be fighting crime 25/8.
793
00:58:06,300 --> 00:58:09,400
And I'm just one click
away. red mist. org.
794
00:58:10,900 --> 00:58:12,400
Can we turn that off now?
795
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,600
What's so special about that guy?
796
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:17,500
He caught a drug dealer.
some most wanted guy.
797
00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:20,800
- You saw him bring out a ton of stuff.
- That's pretty cool.
798
00:58:21,300 --> 00:58:23,700
Yeah, he's got a way better
costume than kick-ass, too.
799
00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:25,100
- He's got a cape.
- Yeah.
800
00:58:25,100 --> 00:58:26,300
Capes rock.
801

00:58:26,300 --> 00:58:28,700


I'm kinda feeling the cape. looks good.
802
00:58:29,900 --> 00:58:32,300
What, better than kick-ass?
803
00:58:32,700 --> 00:58:35,900
They're both kinda hot. I just
think red mist has a better body.
804
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:37,400
Don't you think, Dave?
805
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,600
Yeah, Dave, what do you
think? Is that the...
806
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,800
...is he the kinda guy you'd go
for, with the, all that leather?
807
00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:48,900
No, Marty, he's not really my type.
808
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,000
Kick-Ass.
809
00:59:45,100 --> 00:59:46,300
Red mist.
810
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,100
Oh, shit. fuck me, that kinda hurt.
811
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,400
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. no, I'm cool.
812
00:59:53,700 --> 00:59:57,400
I can't believe you're here,
man. like, you're my hero.
813
00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:01,800
You inspired me. no kick-ass,
no red mist. seriously.
814
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:04,000
Wow. hey, really?

815
01:00:04,100 --> 01:00:06,300
Straight up. and listen, if you...
816
01:00:06,500 --> 01:00:09,700
...wanted me to be your
sidekick or something...
817
01:00:10,300 --> 01:00:11,900
You wanna be my sidekick?
818
01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:15,700
Yeah, man. you and me
together, we would own.
819
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:17,800
You wanna go fight some crime?
820
01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:20,200
Oh, what you mean like right now?
821
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:22,400
Yeah, man. come on, I got
something I wanna show you.
822
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,500
Er, I mean, like to be honest with you,
823
01:00:25,500 --> 01:00:28,300
I only ever fight crime
between like 9 and 2 weekdays.
824
01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:30,500
So I'm gonna need to
get back pretty soon.
825
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,200
Sweet.
826
01:00:38,700 --> 01:00:41,800
- Is that yours?
- Meet the mist mobile.
827
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:54,300
Satnav got my iPhone so I can
check the websites for emergencies

828
01:00:54,300 --> 01:00:55,800
When we're driving around.
829
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,600
Got a little bit of mood
lighting right there.
830
01:00:59,100 --> 01:01:01,200
Rear-view camera. no big deal.
831
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,300
Check this. You're
gonna fucking love this.
832
01:01:08,100 --> 01:01:09,400
The mist.
833
01:01:14,100 --> 01:01:16,400
That's right, we're
superheroes, love us.
834
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:23,500
- Smoke?
- No.
835
01:01:24,100 --> 01:01:26,490
I feel a little weed takes the
edge off things when I'm on patrol,
836
01:01:26,490 --> 01:01:26,900
You know.
837
01:01:26,900 --> 01:01:29,600
Going up against a crowd can
get kinda scary, don't you think?
838
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:33,500
Something wrong?
839
01:01:35,100 --> 01:01:38,800
You're so not how I expected.
840
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,600
I got this e-mail from this chick.
841
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,500

She said this guy's been


following her home from work.
842
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:51,800
I got her address and stuff.
you wanna check it out?
843
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:55,100
- Sure. why not?
- Cool.
844
01:02:02,700 --> 01:02:04,800
So, we're sitting there
totally naked, right?
845
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:05,900
So I told her, "sit on my lap,
846
01:02:05,900 --> 01:02:07,800
We'll talk about the
first thing that comes up".
847
01:02:17,900 --> 01:02:20,900
- Yeah?
- Just got the text. he's on his way.
848
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,400
He did very good.
849
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:25,400
- Don't kill him till I get there.
- Right.
850
01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:34,400
Looks like reading all
them comics paid off, huh?
851
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:36,500
Your boy did good, Frankie.
852
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,700
He's his father's son.
853
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,300
Come on now who do you
854
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:43,500

Who do you who do you


855
01:02:43,500 --> 01:02:45,700
Who do you think you are?
856
01:02:48,100 --> 01:02:50,200
Bless your soul
857
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,900
Oh... I forgot.
858
01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:05,100
I think you're crazy
859
01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:09,000
I think you're crazy
860
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:13,300
I think you're crazy
861
01:03:14,300 --> 01:03:16,700
Just like me
862
01:03:20,500 --> 01:03:25,000
My heroes had the heart to
lose their lives out on a limb
863
01:03:25,100 --> 01:03:26,900
What the fuck?!
864
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:31,900
Oh, shit.
865
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:36,600
- Hey, what are you doing?
- There are people in there!
866
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,900
Yeah. sh-shouldn't we call the fire...
867
01:03:40,700 --> 01:03:41,700
Shit!
868
01:04:00,500 --> 01:04:01,500
Mikey!

869
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,100
Fuck.
870
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:07,400
- Shit. fuck.
- Red Mist!
871
01:04:09,300 --> 01:04:10,800
Red Mist!
872
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:21,000
Hey, man, can you hear me?
873
01:04:25,300 --> 01:04:26,500
Oh, jeez.
874
01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:35,400
Red Mist!
875
01:04:36,700 --> 01:04:39,900
Red mist! Where the fuck are you?!
876
01:05:14,700 --> 01:05:18,500
We gotta get the hell outta
here. dude, move your fucking ass!
877
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:38,900
Holy shit.
878
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,200
- Did you see those bodies?
- Yeah, man.
879
01:05:45,500 --> 01:05:48,200
- Why did you save the teddy?
- What?
880
01:05:48,700 --> 01:05:50,200
I don't know, man. come on.
881
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:04,900
Come.
882
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:07,400
What the hell are you doing, Frank?

883
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:09,300
You know I can't be here.
What if somebody saw me?
884
01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:13,040
That motherfucker kick-Ass burnt
down my warehouse and killed my men,
885
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:13,600
Gigante.
886
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:16,600
Wait, wait, wait. slow
down. Kick-Ass? are you sure?
887
01:06:16,600 --> 01:06:20,200
You gotta help me, vic. My son
was there and he's still missing.
888
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:22,400
They're all dead!
889
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:25,700
Everybody in the warehouse is dead.
890
01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:31,100
- Put the gun down, Vic, it's Chris.
- Chris is red mist?
891
01:06:31,100 --> 01:06:33,500
It's not red mist you gotta
worry about. it's Kick-Ass.
892
01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:36,400
No, no, no, it's not. Kick-Ass
is just some geek, dad.
893
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,500
You don't have to worry about
him. you need to watch this.
894
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,100
- Why, what does it do?
- Are you fucking kidding me?
895
01:06:44,100 --> 01:06:44,900
What?

896
01:06:44,900 --> 01:06:46,700
God-damn it, just sit down.
897
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,000
What are you doing? What
the hell is that thing?
898
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,000
You bought this to spy on
the nanny when I was a kid.
899
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,400
Don't you remember?
900
01:06:57,800 --> 01:06:59,700
- And you put it in the warehouse?
- Yeah.
901
01:06:59,700 --> 01:07:02,610
I thought it'd be cool to put the
unmasking of kick-ass on the internet.
902
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:04,400
Watch.
903
01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:10,090
I told her, "sit on my lap,
904
01:07:10,090 --> 01:07:12,000
We'll talk about the
first thing that comes up".
905
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:19,300
- Yeah?
- Just got the text. he's on his way.
906
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:22,300
He did very good. don't
kill him till I get there.
907
01:07:22,300 --> 01:07:23,300
Right.
908
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:39,900
Who the hell is this guy?

909
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:41,900
I don't know, dad.
910
01:08:43,100 --> 01:08:45,400
But Kick-Ass told me we're not
the only superheroes in town.
911
01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:47,600
Maybe he knows who this guy is.
912
01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:51,400
I want this place locked down.
913
01:08:52,100 --> 01:08:55,000
Nobody comes in, nobody goes out.
914
01:08:56,400 --> 01:08:58,400
Not until somebody
finds this cocksucker...
915
01:08:58,400 --> 01:09:01,200
...and pulls his fucking
lungs out through his ass!
916
01:09:04,900 --> 01:09:08,600
Listen, they're on to
you. do you hear me?
917
01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:09,900
They're on to you.
918
01:09:09,900 --> 01:09:12,400
I thought they were
looking for Kick-Ass.
919
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:16,300
Not any more. gigante put
on a movie show for us.
920
01:09:16,300 --> 01:09:17,700
Different superhero.
921
01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:21,200
In a warehouse, killing a
whole bunch of D'Amico's guys.
922

01:09:21,200 --> 01:09:23,300


I'm gonna guess that was you.
923
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:27,400
- I killed all the cameras.
- Apparently not. look, bro...
924
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,200
...you need to get ghost,
hide yourself quick.
925
01:09:30,500 --> 01:09:31,600
Appreciate that.
926
01:09:36,100 --> 01:09:40,000
Mindy... no more homework, baby doll.
927
01:09:40,700 --> 01:09:43,500
It's time for Frank
D'Amico to go byebye.
928
01:09:51,300 --> 01:09:54,200
X-Men, the Fantastic Four.
929
01:09:54,300 --> 01:09:57,200
Right now, I envied
the crap out of them.
930
01:09:57,300 --> 01:10:01,600
Everything was out of control. I
didn't know what the hell to do.
931
01:10:01,900 --> 01:10:04,700
You okay, buddy? you look tired.
932
01:10:04,900 --> 01:10:06,300
Early night tonight, maybe?
933
01:10:06,300 --> 01:10:08,200
And there was no-one I
could talk to about it.
934
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:09,700
Dave? hello?
935
01:10:10,300 --> 01:10:12,300
Yeah, you bet I will.

936
01:10:14,700 --> 01:10:16,600
I never felt more alone.
937
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:22,800
I'd always dreamed of
being a superhero...
938
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,900
...but this was a nightmare.
939
01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:33,300
It was time to stop
wearing this stupid costume.
940
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,700
But there was one last
thing I needed it for.
941
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:45,400
What's the difference between
Spiderman and Peter Parker?
942
01:10:46,500 --> 01:10:48,900
Spiderman gets the girl.
943
01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:58,600
Hey, I'm Kick-Ass.
944
01:11:03,700 --> 01:11:05,700
I'm Kick-Ass. you mail me?
945
01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:07,500
Please.
946
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:11,400
Oh, fuck! oh, fuck!
947
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,300
Fucking freak in a mask!
948
01:11:13,300 --> 01:11:15,800
- Get out of my house!
- Katie, I'm not gonna hurt you.
949
01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:16,500

All right?
950
01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:19,000
Oh, no, no, no, it's
me, it's me. all right?
951
01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:22,100
- I, I was only trying to surprise you, I'm sorry.
- Dave?
952
01:11:22,100 --> 01:11:25,000
What the fuck are you doing?
why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?
953
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:28,500
- Because I am Kick-Ass. what are you talking about?
954
01:11:28,500 --> 01:11:30,900
And I'm also not gay.
955
01:11:31,700 --> 01:11:32,600
Fuck!
956
01:11:32,600 --> 01:11:36,300
And I'm an idiot, and a shit friend.
I lied to you, I know, and if...
957
01:11:36,300 --> 01:11:37,100
Oh my god.
958
01:11:37,100 --> 01:11:38,800
I know. If it makes you feel any better,
959
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:42,400
I, I don't think you can hate me any
more right now than I hate myself.
960
01:11:43,300 --> 01:11:44,700
Please...
961
01:11:46,100 --> 01:11:48,800
...look, I'm really, really sorry.
962
01:11:50,100 --> 01:11:54,700
I've never met anyone who's
as beautiful and as kind and...

963
01:11:55,400 --> 01:11:56,900
...lovely as you.
964
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,200
You deserve better.
965
01:12:20,700 --> 01:12:21,800
Dave.
966
01:12:22,100 --> 01:12:23,100
Yes?
967
01:12:24,300 --> 01:12:26,240
My mom has the burglar
alarm on downstairs,
968
01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:28,100
So you should probably use the window.
969
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:35,600
Or...
970
01:12:40,300 --> 01:12:42,100
...or you could just stay.
971
01:12:43,600 --> 01:12:47,900
Stay? What like when
we have a sleepover?
972
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:56,900
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
973
01:12:58,900 --> 01:13:00,000
Well...
974
01:13:29,300 --> 01:13:31,300
We gotta get over it...
975
01:13:31,700 --> 01:13:35,400
...on top of it and then into
it. right in the middle of it.
976
01:13:35,500 --> 01:13:37,300
Daddy, I think I've found one.

977
01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:40,400
It's perfect and they
can deliver it in 3 days.
978
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:44,500
Ah, it's 300,000 bucks.
979
01:13:44,500 --> 01:13:46,600
Well, can you think of anything
else you'd rather spend it on?
980
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:51,400
Oh my gosh. that is cool.
981
01:13:51,700 --> 01:13:52,700
Yeah.
982
01:13:53,500 --> 01:13:55,200
Add to shopping cart.
983
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:56,600
Okay.
984
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:03,000
Out of Kick-Ass and Red Mist,
who would win in a fight?
985
01:14:03,100 --> 01:14:05,500
Why are they fighting?
that seems stupid.
986
01:14:06,200 --> 01:14:08,000
- What do you think?
- I don't know,
987
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:09,700
But Kick-Ass is cuter.
988
01:14:10,100 --> 01:14:10,900
Really?
989
01:14:10,900 --> 01:14:12,100
Mmm-hmm.
990
01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:16,200
I for one would definitely fuck

his brains out if I got the chance.


991
01:14:18,100 --> 01:14:20,500
- You would?
- Definitely.
992
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:24,300
Do you feel like checking out
that new Kate Hudson movie...
993
01:14:24,300 --> 01:14:26,200
...where she's a shoe
designer who can't get a guy?
994
01:14:26,200 --> 01:14:28,500
- we could make the next showing...
- Hell, yeah.
995
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,400
Guess we're not invited.
996
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,100
You know what? Come here.
997
01:14:36,600 --> 01:14:39,200
I'm gonna convert you to
a comics reader right now.
998
01:14:39,900 --> 01:14:44,000
Suddenly I understood why superheroes
only existed in comic books.
999
01:14:44,100 --> 01:14:47,300
I got why people didn't risk
their lives for strangers.
1000
01:14:47,500 --> 01:14:51,900
Because, for the first time in my
life, I had something worth living for.
1001
01:14:52,500 --> 01:14:54,000
Something to lose.
1002
01:14:56,100 --> 01:14:58,190
Katie worried about me getting hurt,
1003
01:14:58,190 --> 01:15:01,000

So I promised her my
Kick-Ass days were over.
1004
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:04,300
And the truth was I
hardly missed it at all.
1005
01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:07,700
I hadn't even checked the
website for, like, a week.
1006
01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:12,700
Okay, I'm off, then.
1007
01:15:13,500 --> 01:15:14,800
No Katie tonight?
1008
01:15:15,100 --> 01:15:18,900
Tomorrow. Wednesday, she's got
one of those volunteer things.
1009
01:15:19,500 --> 01:15:22,000
You seem like a different
guy, you know that?
1010
01:15:22,400 --> 01:15:25,400
Your mom would have been so happy to
see you out of your shell like this.
1011
01:15:26,700 --> 01:15:27,800
Have a good night.
1012
01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:40,100
Hey, baby.
1013
01:15:40,100 --> 01:15:41,800
Hey, what's going on?
1014
01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:44,100
I gotta do a Kick-Ass thing.
1015
01:15:44,300 --> 01:15:47,000
What? I thought you were done with that.
1016
01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:49,400
This is the last time. I totally swear.

1017
01:15:50,300 --> 01:15:52,000
I worry about you.
1018
01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:54,800
Well, I wish you wouldn't worry.
1019
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:56,900
I can't help it, I do because I...
1020
01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:01,100
...I care about you a lot.
1021
01:16:03,700 --> 01:16:06,400
I care about you a lot, too.
1022
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:38,500
This better be pretty serious, dude.
1023
01:16:38,500 --> 01:16:40,900
Cos I promised my girlfriend
that I'm done with all this shit.
1024
01:16:40,900 --> 01:16:44,200
How about both of us being dead?
is that serious enough for you?
1025
01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:46,600
Dead? how?
1026
01:16:46,700 --> 01:16:49,100
Well, it turns out those
dead guys from the warehouse
1027
01:16:49,100 --> 01:16:52,600
Had some bad motherfuckers for friends,
and they think we did that shit.
1028
01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:54,400
There's a price on our heads, man.
1029
01:16:54,500 --> 01:16:57,000
A price on our heads? what
is this, the wild west?
1030
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:59,800
I'm not messing with you, dude.

they found out where I lived.


1031
01:16:59,900 --> 01:17:01,800
They trashed my place.
I'm fucking screwed,
1032
01:17:01,800 --> 01:17:03,800
- and you're next, okay!
- All right. what?
1033
01:17:07,600 --> 01:17:08,800
Shit.
1034
01:17:10,000 --> 01:17:11,500
What do we do?
1035
01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:17,600
Remember you mentioned that
there are other superheroes?
1036
01:17:17,700 --> 01:17:18,600
Yeah.
1037
01:17:19,600 --> 01:17:21,300
Well, do you think they can help us?
1038
01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:33,200
Hot chocolate... extra marshmallows.
1039
01:17:36,300 --> 01:17:39,300
Man, that looks even cooler
than it did in the picture.
1040
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:44,400
Child, you know that's because in the
picture it didn't have Gatling Guns.
1041
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:47,500
Nice job. I'm gonna
take mine to bed, okay?
1042
01:17:47,500 --> 01:17:49,900
Okay, baby doll. sleep tight.
1043
01:17:49,900 --> 01:17:50,900
Thanks.

1044
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:53,500
- Oh, kick-ass?
- Mmm-hmm.
1045
01:17:53,900 --> 01:17:56,700
You go get dressed. I'll tell
him to meet us at safe house 'b'.
1046
01:17:56,700 --> 01:17:58,700
We'll have our hot
chocolate when we get back.
1047
01:17:58,900 --> 01:18:00,000
- Okay, daddy.
- Come on.
1048
01:18:10,400 --> 01:18:11,600
There you go.
1049
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,400
- Do you know where that is?
- No, but I'll put it in the gps.
1050
01:18:15,100 --> 01:18:16,700
Right, let's go.
1051
01:18:18,200 --> 01:18:19,200
Shit.
1052
01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:56,500
Okay, okay, okay.
1053
01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:09,700
Well. here you are and... Red Mist. two.
1054
01:20:14,800 --> 01:20:17,600
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Good to meet you, sir.
1055
01:20:17,700 --> 01:20:19,500
Please, come in.
1056
01:20:19,900 --> 01:20:21,000
After you.
1057
01:20:24,500 --> 01:20:26,400

Hit girl. manners, honey.


1058
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:30,600
Hi, I'm hit girl.
1059
01:20:32,100 --> 01:20:33,200
No!
1060
01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:41,100
Your ass is mine!
1061
01:20:42,500 --> 01:20:43,600
He's with me, he's okay.
1062
01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:46,300
Shut the fuck up kid. your
daddy's the boss. you go home.
1063
01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:47,200
Are you shitting me?
1064
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:50,600
He's fine. He's with me! Let him go!
1065
01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:53,000
Get outta here! Get
the fuck out of here.
1066
01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:54,900
Hot damn. I always wanted one of these.
1067
01:20:54,900 --> 01:20:57,700
- Are you seriously gonna take that?
- Yes. come on, sweet cheeks.
1068
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:04,100
If you don't get your wannabe
superhero ass in the car...
1069
01:21:04,100 --> 01:21:05,000
...you're gonna have a lot
of trouble on your hands.
1070
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:06,900
That's really funny. you're so fired.
1071

01:21:07,400 --> 01:21:08,100


Kick-Ass...
1072
01:21:08,100 --> 01:21:10,000
Get him outta here, get him
outta here. get him in the van.
1073
01:21:12,300 --> 01:21:13,900
Kick-Ass, I'm sorry, I...
1074
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:16,200
Get in the car. get in there.
1075
01:21:29,200 --> 01:21:31,300
You better fire this asshole.
1076
01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:32,800
Ignore him...
1077
01:21:34,100 --> 01:21:35,400
A bazooka?
1078
01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:38,800
Okay.
1079
01:21:39,100 --> 01:21:43,100
We had a fucking deal, dad, that
I'll get you the guy who did it...
1080
01:21:43,100 --> 01:21:46,700
...and all I'm asking is you let
kick-ass go. he didn't do anything wrong.
1081
01:21:46,700 --> 01:21:50,300
Chris, you gotta look at this
from my point of view. okay?
1082
01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:52,700
I gotta send a public service
message to the people out there...
1083
01:21:52,700 --> 01:21:55,750
...that being a superhero
is bad for your health.
1084
01:21:55,750 --> 01:21:57,600
And the big motherfucker...

1085
01:21:57,600 --> 01:21:59,000
...nobody knows who he is.
1086
01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:02,100
- That's not fair.
- Life's not fair, get over it.
1087
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:04,200
What are you gonna do to them?
1088
01:22:04,900 --> 01:22:07,800
You really wanna be
a part of my business?
1089
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:10,900
Yeah.
1090
01:22:11,000 --> 01:22:14,600
Then sit down, shut up and watch.
1091
01:22:23,200 --> 01:22:26,600
Frank, we're ready. enjoy the show.
1092
01:22:26,600 --> 01:22:29,320
- Are you controlling this thing?
- I sure am.
1093
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:31,200
Big brother, watch and learn.
1094
01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:33,300
Welcome back. breaking news,
1095
01:22:33,300 --> 01:22:35,900
A worldwide web broadcast
of the new york superhero
1096
01:22:35,900 --> 01:22:39,300
Who calls himself Kick-Ass
is about to be shown live.
1097
01:22:39,300 --> 01:22:42,500
Rumours have it this will
be his farewell appearance...
1098

01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:45,100


...that he will announce his
retirement from crime fighting...
1099
01:22:45,100 --> 01:22:48,900
...but as word of mouth spreads
internet providers are predicting that...
1100
01:22:48,900 --> 01:22:52,600
...it could be one of the most widely
viewed live events in web history.
1101
01:22:53,300 --> 01:22:54,300
Where's Dave?
1102
01:22:54,300 --> 01:22:56,300
There are no clues as yet as to
the exact nature of the broadcast...
1103
01:22:56,300 --> 01:22:58,180
Holy shit, have you guys noticed...
1104
01:22:58,180 --> 01:23:00,200
He's with Katie, obviously.
1105
01:23:01,200 --> 01:23:03,000
Why else would I be here?
1106
01:23:03,100 --> 01:23:06,600
There's no idea who is behind
the broadcast of this show...
1107
01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:09,600
...but we could see
widespread server crashes...
1108
01:23:09,900 --> 01:23:12,100
Dave, why didn't you tell me
this is what you were doing?
1109
01:23:12,100 --> 01:23:14,300
You're on the news. Call me.
1110
01:23:14,300 --> 01:23:17,600
We go live to the countdown
clock as we are moments away.
1111

01:23:29,800 --> 01:23:31,000


Showtime.
1112
01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:37,300
Hello, boys and girls. now this...
1113
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,200
...well, you know who this guy is.
1114
01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:43,500
And this guy here is Big Daddy.
1115
01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:47,400
And these are my friends.
come on in, guys, say hello.
1116
01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:51,100
Yeah. yeah, there
they are. hello, hello.
1117
01:23:51,300 --> 01:23:54,800
Now, big daddy and kick-ass
are gonna help us...
1118
01:23:54,800 --> 01:23:59,700
...show you why being
a hero is a bad idea.
1119
01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,900
You know what a silent 'K' is?
1120
01:24:01,900 --> 01:24:03,300
That's when 'k' is at the beginning
1121
01:24:03,300 --> 01:24:05,000
Of the word but you
don't pronounce it...
1122
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:08,900
...like in the word 'knuckle-duster'.
show them what it can do, guy.
1123
01:24:10,300 --> 01:24:12,700
That must've hurt. let's
see it from the other side.
1124
01:24:14,100 --> 01:24:18,400

I think it did. now in France they


say the word "stick" like this.
1125
01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:19,600
Baton.
1126
01:24:19,800 --> 01:24:22,800
We got some of kick-ass's batons.
we're gonna show you what they can do.
1127
01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:24,000
Go ahead, boys.
1128
01:24:26,800 --> 01:24:32,000
You know, in america we say
"stick" like this. baseball bat.
1129
01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:35,800
Which is very good for
hitting knees and stomachs.
1130
01:24:36,100 --> 01:24:38,500
It's also good for hitting balls.
1131
01:24:40,600 --> 01:24:42,000
We don't do them individually...
1132
01:24:42,000 --> 01:24:44,300
...we do them all together.
1133
01:24:44,300 --> 01:24:46,000
Gentlemen, please.
1134
01:24:46,600 --> 01:24:49,000
Oh, this looks very painful.
1135
01:24:52,600 --> 01:24:54,800
Due to the distressing
nature of the images...
1136
01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:58,500
...we are unable to broadcast the
events streaming live on the internet.
1137
01:24:58,500 --> 01:24:59,000
Fuck.

1138
01:24:59,000 --> 01:25:01,100
No, no...
1139
01:25:03,100 --> 01:25:06,100
Despite initial speculation that
this may be some kind of hoax...
1140
01:25:06,100 --> 01:25:10,600
...or publicity stunt, it is now clear
the hostages are in genuine danger.
1141
01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:12,780
That all signs point to the intention to
1142
01:25:12,780 --> 01:25:15,400
Stage a live execution
in the next few minutes.
1143
01:25:28,900 --> 01:25:32,600
Even with my metal plates and
my fucked-up nerve endings...
1144
01:25:32,600 --> 01:25:35,900
...I gotta tell you... that hurt.
1145
01:25:37,900 --> 01:25:41,000
Kerosene. yes, the silent killer.
1146
01:25:41,100 --> 01:25:44,800
But not half as much as the idea
of leaving everything behind.
1147
01:25:45,300 --> 01:25:46,300
Katie.
1148
01:25:46,900 --> 01:25:48,100
My dad.
1149
01:25:48,700 --> 01:25:50,000
Todd and Marty.
1150
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:52,500
And all the things I'd never do.
1151
01:25:52,900 --> 01:25:55,100
Like learn to drive.

1152
01:25:55,400 --> 01:25:57,800
Or see what me and Katie's
kids would look like.
1153
01:25:58,100 --> 01:26:00,800
- or find out what happened on 'Lost'.
- Spicy, spicy.
1154
01:26:01,300 --> 01:26:03,320
And if you think I'm gonna make it
1155
01:26:03,320 --> 01:26:06,000
Through this since I'm
talking to you now...
1156
01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:08,900
...quit being such a smartass.
1157
01:26:09,400 --> 01:26:12,000
Hell, dude, you never seen 'sin city'...
1158
01:26:12,300 --> 01:26:15,200
...'Sunset Boulevard',
'American Beauty'?
1159
01:26:15,900 --> 01:26:16,900
And this...
1160
01:26:17,300 --> 01:26:19,100
...for all you cavemen out there...
1161
01:26:20,100 --> 01:26:22,000
...is fire.
1162
01:26:22,700 --> 01:26:23,600
No.
1163
01:26:31,400 --> 01:26:33,100
Fire. fire is good.
1164
01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:36,900
Fire is our friend.
1165
01:26:37,500 --> 01:26:38,900
Oh, yeah.

1166
01:26:45,100 --> 01:26:46,600
Gentlemen...
1167
01:26:48,500 --> 01:26:50,300
...time to die.
1168
01:26:56,000 --> 01:26:57,200
What the...?
1169
01:27:02,000 --> 01:27:05,000
- What the fuck just happened?
- Hey, hey, somebody find the lights.
1170
01:27:56,300 --> 01:27:57,600
Get the lighter!
1171
01:27:58,400 --> 01:28:00,700
It's on the floor right
over there. find the lighter.
1172
01:28:06,700 --> 01:28:07,700
I got it.
1173
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:23,400
No!
1174
01:28:23,400 --> 01:28:25,400
Take cover, child!
1175
01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:34,000
Now switch to kryptonite!
1176
01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:36,300
Kryptonite. yeah.
1177
01:29:05,700 --> 01:29:09,800
Go to Robin's Revenge!
1178
01:29:09,800 --> 01:29:11,900
Robin. Robin, Robin...
1179
01:29:56,600 --> 01:29:58,100
Show's over, motherfuckers.
1180

01:30:04,600 --> 01:30:06,400


I think I'm in love with her, dude.
1181
01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:09,200
She looks like she's
about 11 years old, but...
1182
01:30:09,200 --> 01:30:12,700
I can wait. I solemnly
vow to save myself for her.
1183
01:30:13,500 --> 01:30:16,600
That should be really
difficult for you. are you okay?
1184
01:30:17,100 --> 01:30:18,100
Yeah.
1185
01:30:37,700 --> 01:30:39,300
Good job.
1186
01:30:47,600 --> 01:30:50,200
I'm so proud of you, baby doll.
1187
01:30:52,500 --> 01:30:54,200
Are you okay?
1188
01:30:57,400 --> 01:30:58,500
Yeah.
1189
01:31:00,200 --> 01:31:03,900
But getting shot, daddy, it hurt
a lot more than when you did it.
1190
01:31:05,000 --> 01:31:09,300
That's because I used low
velocity rounds, child.
1191
01:31:13,600 --> 01:31:16,200
You're the kindest
daddy in the whole world.
1192
01:31:16,200 --> 01:31:17,800
No, I just...
1193
01:31:20,500 --> 01:31:22,300
... love you.

1194
01:31:27,300 --> 01:31:29,300
I love you, too, daddy.
1195
01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:38,600
I love you, too, daddy.
1196
01:31:40,100 --> 01:31:41,400
Sleep tight.
1197
01:32:00,700 --> 01:32:02,100
What's your name?
1198
01:32:03,200 --> 01:32:04,800
I mean your real name.
1199
01:32:05,200 --> 01:32:07,900
A superhero never
reveals his true identity.
1200
01:32:07,900 --> 01:32:10,600
What? look, you can't go on...
1201
01:32:12,000 --> 01:32:14,500
However you lived before...
1202
01:32:17,900 --> 01:32:19,200
...it's over.
1203
01:32:21,400 --> 01:32:24,300
Is there anybody else? Any family or...?
1204
01:32:24,300 --> 01:32:26,200
Look, I can take care of myself.
1205
01:32:27,500 --> 01:32:29,600
I saved your sorry ass.
1206
01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:34,200
What about money? you
gotta think long term.
1207
01:32:34,200 --> 01:32:36,900
I've got 3 million
dollars in a suitcase.

1208
01:32:37,900 --> 01:32:40,400
That long term enough for you?
1209
01:32:43,000 --> 01:32:45,000
It's not all about the money.
1210
01:32:46,500 --> 01:32:48,000
I owe you.
1211
01:32:49,500 --> 01:32:51,800
If it wasn't for you I'd be dead.
1212
01:32:52,800 --> 01:32:54,500
And if it wasn't for you...
1213
01:32:56,400 --> 01:32:58,100
...my dad wouldn't be.
1214
01:33:15,000 --> 01:33:16,400
Look...
1215
01:33:17,200 --> 01:33:20,800
...pack up whatever you need
and we'll go back to my place.
1216
01:33:22,200 --> 01:33:24,800
I just need to clean my face.
1217
01:33:24,900 --> 01:33:26,000
Just go.
1218
01:34:21,300 --> 01:34:24,400
I meant like pyjamas
and clothes and stuff.
1219
01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:26,200
You can't take that stuff to my house.
1220
01:34:26,200 --> 01:34:28,100
You know what my dad
really would have wanted?
1221
01:34:33,600 --> 01:34:36,600
He would have wanted me
to finish what we started.

1222
01:34:37,500 --> 01:34:39,600
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
1223
01:34:56,600 --> 01:34:59,100
Is this Frank D'Amico's place?
1224
01:34:59,500 --> 01:35:01,300
All that security.
1225
01:35:01,600 --> 01:35:03,200
Are you crazy?
1226
01:35:03,300 --> 01:35:05,800
My mom already died for nothing.
1227
01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:09,600
So I'm sure as hell not gonna
let my dad die for nothing, too.
1228
01:35:12,000 --> 01:35:14,000
You can't do this on your own.
1229
01:35:15,900 --> 01:35:17,300
Exactly.
1230
01:35:19,800 --> 01:35:21,900
Do you wanna deal with owing my dad?
1231
01:35:23,700 --> 01:35:26,500
Then shut the hell up
and pick your weapon.
1232
01:35:35,100 --> 01:35:37,100
Is that what I think it is?
1233
01:35:38,100 --> 01:35:43,000
Damn straight. you better start
reading the instructions because...
1234
01:35:43,100 --> 01:35:45,700
...you're gonna be using
it in about 5 minutes.
1235
01:35:52,800 --> 01:35:56,400
Listen up, we got 5 minutes and
I want you back on your post.

1236
01:35:56,400 --> 01:35:58,400
And don't leave a mess.
1237
01:36:12,600 --> 01:36:14,900
- Everything okay?
- Everything's all right, boss.
1238
01:36:17,200 --> 01:36:19,600
I can't believe I got my
gun back. look at that.
1239
01:36:19,700 --> 01:36:21,200
You know, it's not the...
1240
01:36:25,600 --> 01:36:27,000
Well, let her in.
1241
01:36:30,300 --> 01:36:32,900
It's a little kid. what's
the matter with you?
1242
01:36:37,500 --> 01:36:39,100
Are you okay, sweetheart?
1243
01:36:39,500 --> 01:36:43,600
I... I lost my mommy and daddy.
1244
01:36:43,700 --> 01:36:46,000
She lost her mommy and daddy.
1245
01:36:46,700 --> 01:36:48,600
You wanna use my cell phone?
1246
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:51,600
Now can you remember the number?
1247
01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:38,400
Had I ever been a real superhero?
1248
01:37:39,400 --> 01:37:42,800
The most I'd ever had to offer
the world was good intentions...
1249
01:37:42,800 --> 01:37:45,500
...and a slightly elevated

capacity to take a kicking.


1250
01:37:47,200 --> 01:37:50,900
With no power comes no responsibility.
1251
01:37:51,800 --> 01:37:53,100
Except...
1252
01:37:54,100 --> 01:37:55,500
...that wasn't true.
1253
01:38:44,100 --> 01:38:46,200
- Holy shit.
- Boss, take cover, please.
1254
01:39:40,900 --> 01:39:43,500
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
1255
01:39:45,600 --> 01:39:48,200
You're living in the
past it's a new generation
1256
01:39:50,300 --> 01:39:54,700
A girl can do what she wants to
do and that's what I'm gonna do
1257
01:39:54,700 --> 01:39:57,900
An' I don't give a damn
'bout my bad reputation
1258
01:40:01,900 --> 01:40:03,100
Not me
1259
01:40:06,500 --> 01:40:07,700
Not me
1260
01:40:08,400 --> 01:40:09,500
God damn!
1261
01:40:11,800 --> 01:40:12,900
Shit!
1262
01:40:21,100 --> 01:40:22,200
What the fuck?
1263
01:40:27,300 --> 01:40:29,300

Get in here! help me out man!


1264
01:40:34,300 --> 01:40:36,900
Holy fuck... everybody's dead!
1265
01:40:39,100 --> 01:40:41,800
She's behind the counter.
she's out of ammo, okay.
1266
01:40:56,900 --> 01:40:58,400
Do you think they caught him?
1267
01:40:59,000 --> 01:41:00,500
If they didn't, he will.
1268
01:41:02,400 --> 01:41:04,700
- Get out there.
- Now?
1269
01:41:05,000 --> 01:41:06,200
Yeah, now.
1270
01:41:17,100 --> 01:41:18,500
What the fuck is going on?
1271
01:41:18,500 --> 01:41:20,400
We got her trapped. she's unarmed.
1272
01:41:20,400 --> 01:41:22,400
So what the hell are
you guys waiting for?
1273
01:41:22,700 --> 01:41:25,100
- Go get her.
- Go on, man. go get her!
1274
01:41:25,100 --> 01:41:27,700
I ain't got no fucking
gun. I'm not going in.
1275
01:41:29,500 --> 01:41:30,900
You do now.
1276
01:41:32,200 --> 01:41:33,200
Now move!
1277

01:41:35,700 --> 01:41:36,800


Go on.
1278
01:41:53,300 --> 01:41:56,500
Fuck this shit. I'm getting the bazooka.
1279
01:41:59,100 --> 01:42:00,200
Bazooka?
1280
01:42:00,700 --> 01:42:02,000
Bazooka?
1281
01:42:02,800 --> 01:42:05,800
It's only me, boss.
everything's under control.
1282
01:42:17,800 --> 01:42:22,500
Un... under control? you're grabbing
a fucking bazooka, you dumb ass.
1283
01:42:23,900 --> 01:42:25,000
Sir?
1284
01:42:26,900 --> 01:42:27,900
Do it.
1285
01:42:49,800 --> 01:42:51,500
I always wanted to say this...
1286
01:42:53,700 --> 01:42:56,500
...say hello to my little friend!
1287
01:43:16,400 --> 01:43:24,700
Glory, glory, hallelujah
1288
01:43:26,200 --> 01:43:29,600
- His truth is...
- Dirty motherfuckers!
1289
01:43:29,600 --> 01:43:35,600
...marching on
1290
01:43:36,900 --> 01:43:49,200
His truth is marching on
1291
01:43:55,100 --> 01:43:56,700

Holy shit!
1292
01:44:05,100 --> 01:44:07,300
That is one weird sounding bazooka.
1293
01:44:07,300 --> 01:44:08,300
Stu!
1294
01:44:14,300 --> 01:44:15,200
Fuck!
1295
01:44:25,300 --> 01:44:26,400
Get them!
1296
01:44:36,000 --> 01:44:37,600
Playtime's over, kid.
1297
01:44:38,900 --> 01:44:41,000
I never play.
1298
01:44:41,800 --> 01:44:43,000
Oh, really?
1299
01:46:01,000 --> 01:46:03,100
Ruin my business, huh?
1300
01:46:04,300 --> 01:46:07,500
Kill every single
fucking guy on my payroll.
1301
01:46:37,200 --> 01:46:39,800
God, I wish I had a son like you.
1302
01:46:46,000 --> 01:46:48,200
Time for a family reunion.
1303
01:46:49,700 --> 01:46:50,800
Hey.
1304
01:46:51,600 --> 01:46:53,900
Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?
1305
01:47:13,700 --> 01:47:16,000
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

1306
01:47:17,300 --> 01:47:18,900
Time to go home.
1307
01:48:55,700 --> 01:48:57,300
Thanks, Kick-Ass.
1308
01:48:57,500 --> 01:48:59,100
My daddy...
1309
01:49:01,400 --> 01:49:04,000
...he would have been
proud of both of us.
1310
01:49:14,100 --> 01:49:15,300
Dave.
1311
01:49:16,300 --> 01:49:19,800
- Dave Lizewski.
- I know that, dumb ass.
1312
01:49:30,900 --> 01:49:32,000
Mindy.
1313
01:49:33,600 --> 01:49:35,200
Mindy MacReady.
1314
01:49:52,500 --> 01:49:54,200
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
1315
01:49:56,300 --> 01:49:59,500
Mindy moved in with Marcus and
he enrolled her at my school.
1316
01:49:59,500 --> 01:50:00,800
- Bye.
- Good luck.
1317
01:50:02,100 --> 01:50:03,750
First school she'd ever been to...
1318
01:50:03,750 --> 01:50:05,900
On the promise that
I'd look out for her.
1319

01:50:07,300 --> 01:50:08,200


Hey.
1320
01:50:08,400 --> 01:50:09,900
Not that she needed me to.
1321
01:50:09,900 --> 01:50:11,100
Hey, new kid.
1322
01:50:11,500 --> 01:50:12,600
Hi.
1323
01:50:13,200 --> 01:50:15,700
Lunch money... now.
1324
01:50:24,300 --> 01:50:26,800
Kick-Ass was gone but not forgotten.
1325
01:50:28,000 --> 01:50:31,500
And my world was much safer
with all the new superheroes.
1326
01:50:32,400 --> 01:50:34,800
They said I was their inspiration...
1327
01:50:35,100 --> 01:50:37,030
But all I did was make a door into a
1328
01:50:37,030 --> 01:50:39,600
World I dreamed about
since I was a little kid.
1329
01:50:40,500 --> 01:50:43,100
A world full of superheroes, huh?
1330
01:50:45,400 --> 01:50:47,300
As a great man once said...
1331
01:50:50,300 --> 01:50:52,700
..."wait till they get a load of me".
1332
01:51:09,500 --> 01:51:12,000
Take me, I'm alive
1333
01:51:12,000 --> 01:51:14,200
Never was a girl with a wicked mind

1334
01:51:14,200 --> 01:51:19,500
But everything looks better
when the sun goes down
1335
01:51:19,500 --> 01:51:21,900
I had everything
1336
01:51:21,900 --> 01:51:28,600
Opportunities for eternity
and I could belong to the night
1337
01:51:29,400 --> 01:51:31,800
I see your eyes
1338
01:51:31,800 --> 01:51:37,200
I can see in your eyes, your eyes
1339
01:51:37,900 --> 01:51:40,300
You make me wanna die
1340
01:51:40,300 --> 01:51:42,700
I'll never be good enough
1341
01:51:42,700 --> 01:51:45,300
You make me wanna die
1342
01:51:45,300 --> 01:51:50,200
And everything you love
will burn up in the light
1343
01:51:50,200 --> 01:51:56,100
Every time I look inside your eyes
1344
01:51:57,600 --> 01:51:59,900
You make me wanna die
1345
01:52:09,000 --> 01:52:11,400
Taste me, drink my soul
1346
01:52:11,400 --> 01:52:13,800
Show me all the things that I shouldn't
1347
01:52:13,800 --> 01:52:18,200
Know when there's a new moon on the rise

1348
01:52:18,700 --> 01:52:21,300
I had everything
1349
01:52:21,300 --> 01:52:28,200
Opportunities for eternity
and I could belong to the night
1350
01:52:28,700 --> 01:52:31,000
I see your eyes
1351
01:52:31,100 --> 01:52:36,200
I can see in your eyes, your eyes
1352
01:52:36,200 --> 01:52:41,600
Everything in your eyes, your eyes
1353
01:52:42,200 --> 01:52:44,500
You make me wanna die
1354
01:52:44,500 --> 01:52:47,100
I'll never be good enough
1355
01:52:47,100 --> 01:52:49,700
You make me wanna die
1356
01:52:49,700 --> 01:52:54,500
And everything you love
will burn up in the light
1357
01:52:54,500 --> 01:53:00,400
And every time I look inside your eyes
1358
01:53:01,900 --> 01:53:05,000
You make me wanna die
1359
01:53:14,800 --> 01:53:19,600
I would die for you, my love
1360
01:53:20,000 --> 01:53:20,800
My love
1361
01:53:20,800 --> 01:53:24,500
You make me wanna die
1362
01:53:24,500 --> 01:53:29,500

And I would die for you, my love


1363
01:53:29,600 --> 01:53:31,800
My love
1364
01:53:31,800 --> 01:53:34,300
We'll burn up in the light
1365
01:53:34,300 --> 01:53:39,200
Every time I look inside your eyes
1366
01:53:39,200 --> 01:53:41,000
I'm running in the light
1367
01:53:41,000 --> 01:53:44,200
Look inside your eyes
1368
01:53:44,200 --> 01:53:45,800
I'm running in the light
1369
01:53:45,800 --> 01:53:50,200
Look inside your eyes
1370
01:53:51,500 --> 01:53:53,900
You make me wanna die
1371
01:54:19,400 --> 01:54:21,000
We are young
1372
01:54:21,200 --> 01:54:23,100
We are strong
1373
01:54:23,100 --> 01:54:26,800
We're not looking for where we belong
1374
01:54:26,900 --> 01:54:28,900
We're not cool
1375
01:54:28,900 --> 01:54:31,000
We are free
1376
01:54:31,000 --> 01:54:35,100
And we're running
with blood on our knees
1377

01:54:43,900 --> 01:54:45,800


We could rule the world
1378
01:54:45,800 --> 01:54:47,700
On a silver platter
1379
01:54:47,700 --> 01:54:49,600
From the wrong to the right line
1380
01:54:49,600 --> 01:54:51,500
To the open stream
1381
01:54:51,500 --> 01:54:53,300
With a crash and burn
1382
01:54:55,300 --> 01:54:57,300
Turn it upside down
1383
01:54:57,300 --> 01:54:59,500
Just you and me
1384
01:54:59,700 --> 01:55:01,600
We are the dream
1385
01:55:01,600 --> 01:55:05,500
No other way to be
1386
01:55:05,600 --> 01:55:07,300
We are young
1387
01:55:07,300 --> 01:55:09,100
We are strong
1388
01:55:09,100 --> 01:55:12,900
We're not looking for where we belong
1389
01:55:13,100 --> 01:55:15,100
We're not cool
1390
01:55:15,100 --> 01:55:17,100
We are free
1391
01:55:17,100 --> 01:55:21,000
And we're running
with blood on our knees

1392
01:55:22,300 --> 01:55:24,200
I could change the world
1393
01:55:24,200 --> 01:55:26,100
I can make it better
1394
01:55:26,100 --> 01:55:28,000
Kick it up and down
1395
01:55:28,000 --> 01:55:29,900
Take a chance on me
1396
01:55:29,900 --> 01:55:31,700
With your fake smile
1397
01:55:31,700 --> 01:55:33,800
And you think you're better
1398
01:55:33,800 --> 01:55:35,700
Gonna put it down
1399
01:55:35,700 --> 01:55:37,800
Put it at your feet
1400
01:55:38,000 --> 01:55:40,000
No bridge to burn
1401
01:55:40,000 --> 01:55:43,800
Nowhere to turn for me
1402
01:55:43,900 --> 01:55:45,700
We are young
1403
01:55:45,800 --> 01:55:47,600
We are strong
1404
01:55:47,600 --> 01:55:51,400
We're not looking for where we belong
1405
01:55:51,500 --> 01:55:53,400
We're not cool
1406
01:55:53,400 --> 01:55:55,500
We are free

1407
01:55:55,500 --> 01:55:59,200
And we're running
with blood on our knees
1408
01:55:59,200 --> 01:56:01,100
We are young
1409
01:56:01,100 --> 01:56:03,000
We are strong
1410
01:56:03,000 --> 01:56:06,700
We're not looking for where we belong
1411
01:56:06,900 --> 01:56:08,800
We're not cool
1412
01:56:08,800 --> 01:56:10,800
We are free
1413
01:56:10,800 --> 01:56:15,100
And we're running
with blood on our knees
1414
01:56:15,400 --> 01:56:18,500
What do they know about us
1415
01:56:18,600 --> 01:56:22,600
Are they thinking of somebody else
1416
01:56:22,600 --> 01:56:26,100
Are they wondering what we might be
1417
01:56:26,100 --> 01:56:29,900
Are they thinking of you or of me
1418
01:56:30,000 --> 01:56:31,800
We are young
1419
01:56:31,900 --> 01:56:33,800
We are strong
1420
01:56:33,800 --> 01:56:37,400
We're not looking for where we belong
1421
01:56:37,600 --> 01:56:39,600

We're not cool


1422
01:56:39,600 --> 01:56:41,600
We are free
1423
01:56:41,600 --> 01:56:45,200
And we're running
with blood on our knees
1424
01:56:45,300 --> 01:56:47,200
We are young
1425
01:56:47,200 --> 01:56:49,200
We are strong
1426
01:56:49,200 --> 01:56:52,900
We're not looking for where we belong
1427
01:56:53,000 --> 01:56:54,900
We're not cool
1428
01:56:54,900 --> 01:56:56,900
We are free
1429
01:56:56,900 --> 01:57:00,600
And we're running
with blood on our knees
1430
01:57:00,700 --> 01:57:02,600
We are young
1431
01:57:02,600 --> 01:57:04,500
We are strong
1432
01:57:04,500 --> 01:57:08,200
We're not looking for where we belong
1433
01:57:08,300 --> 01:57:10,300
We're not cool
1434
01:57:10,300 --> 01:57:12,300
We are free
1435
01:57:12,300 --> 01:57:16,100
And we're running
with blood on our knees

1436
01:57:16,100 --> 01:57:18,100
We are young
1437
01:57:18,100 --> 01:57:20,000
We are strong
1438
01:57:20,000 --> 01:57:23,600
We're not looking for where we belong
1439
01:57:23,700 --> 01:57:25,700
We're not cool
1440
01:57:25,700 --> 01:57:27,600
We are free

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