Divorce, Remarriage, and Eldership By Jeremy Vander Galien, April 21, 2010 Introduction In fall of 2008 as the elders

were discussing the Biblical requirements for eldership the issue of divorce, remarriage, and eldership was raised? Is divorce ever permissible? Is remarriage Biblically allowable after divorce? If so, in what circumstances is remarriage Biblically permissible? If a man has been divorced and remarried can he ever serve as an elder? The elders study of divorce, remarriage, and eldership led to what we consider true and Biblically grounded conclusions. This is particularly relevant since we have men in our church whose character and lives qualify them for eldership but who have been divorced and remarried. Yet, much larger than eldership is the reality that many lives of those we love have been hurt by divorce. My hope is that this paper would be grace to those who have been greatly impacted by divorce. Thus one aim of this paper is to remind those who have been hurt by divorce that Jesus is an unbelievably caring person who died and rose not only to forgive the sin and stain of divorce, but begin to heal the pain and wreckage which will ultimately be healed upon Jesus return. Another aim is to provide Biblical conclusions about divorce and remarriage that will help each believer at Trinity to know what Jesus says about divorce remarriage. This will help those in our membership be clear concerning the Biblical standards for divorce and remarriage. Lastly, those in our community who may want to begin attending Trinity will want to know where we stand on this relevant issue in our culture. Unforgivable Sin Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven (Mat 12:31). Through the shed blood of Jesus all and every kind of sin is forgivable, even the sin of divorce and remarriage. [Jesus said] this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins (Mat 26:28) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1John 1:9). Any who have contributed to a divorce, or who have remarried in an unbiblical manner, must hear this wonderful newsforgiveness of your sin is available through Jesus Christ! But as we know from 1 John 1:9, forgiveness is conditional. We must confess our sins, we must renounce our sin, and we must make amends for the wrongs we have done. So Trinity affirms that sin in marriage is like every other sin. The issue is not if they can be forgiven, the issue is admitting, turning from, and repairing if possible the damage done by sin. We affirm that divorce is sin, and in some circumstances remarriage is also a sin. But Trinity also affirms that by the blood of Jesus, when repented of, the sin of divorce, and remarriage, is as forgivable as lying, stealing, murdering, or drunkenness.

Divorce and Remarriage Difficulty While all who are truly Christian agree divorce and remarriage is forgivable by Gods grace, we do not always agree as to when divorce and when remarriage is Biblically permissible. Yet, this does not mean that we cannot come to consensus on the majority of issues surrounding these issues as the foundation for church membership, discipline, and eldership. Our goal is to help each other grow to treasure and follow Jesus more and more. In order to do this for each other, we submit to each be accountable to each based on Biblical teaching. Thus my aim is to look to the Bible so that we can hold each other accountable based on what Jesus has told us in his inspired, unfailing Word concerning divorce, remarriage, and eldership. The following are statements that summarize the Biblical teaching concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage: Marriage Statements1 1. God created the relationship of marriage (Malachi 2:14-16). 2. Gods design was one man and one woman united by a binding promise to God and each other for life (Genesis 2:23-24). 3. The marriage relationship primarily exists to show Gods sacrificial, loving relationship to his people (Ephesians 5:21-33; Hosea 2:14-23). 4. Therefore God hates divorce because of what it says about how he relates to his people and because of what it does to people. 5. Yet, because of the hardness or our hearts and deceit of sin, divorce is a reality in the lives of some Christians (Matthew 19:8). 6. No believer should ever knowingly marry an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:39). Divorce and Remarriage Statements 1. Since death breaks the marriage bond (Romans 7:2-3), remarriage is permitted provided a believer remarries a believer. 2. Divorce may be permitted when a spouse abandons the relationship, is sexually immoral and unfaithful, or is dangerously abusive (1 Corinthians 7:15; Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:11). a. In this statement we simply acknowledge that there are instances where the Bible permits divorce. b. Divorce does not necessarily decisively end the marriage since while the spouse is still alive and not remarried there is hope of reconciliation. c. We want to stress that divorce may be permitted. Forgiveness and reconciliation is always preferable to separation and divorce even where great sin has been committed. 3. In the case where the innocent spouse (the one not guilty of abandonment, adultery, or abuse), who did not want divorce, but whose guilty spouses behavior has led to a divorce, may in consultation with the leadership of the church, come to regard their marriage as broken beyond repair. In such cases remarriage may be a legitimate step. a. There must have been serious, sustained efforts at reconciliation.
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In this section I rely heavily on Bethlehem Baptists statement on divorce and remarriage. You can read it here: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TopicIndex/135_Divorce_and_Remarriage/1543_A_Statement_ on_Divorce_and_Remarriage_in_the_Life_of_Bethlehem_Baptist_Church/

b. It must be seriously reckoned that remarriage cuts off all possibility of reconciliation that God may yet still be willing to produce. We must consider the fear of God and length of eternity as compared to our temporal happiness in marriage. c. This understanding is not held by all within evangelical Christianity. Some would not condone remarriage while the possibility of reconciliation exists. d. Singleness is a good and worthy life in service to God and the church and should be considered prior to remarriage (1 Corinthians 7:7, 11, 32-35). 4. If the guilty, divorced spouse (the one who abandoned, committed adultery, or abused) is remarried, the innocent, divorced spouse is free to remarry since all hopes of reconciliation are gone. 5. Those who are guilty of abandonment, adultery, or abuse should repent and be reconciled to God through Jesus and to their spouse. a. If the innocent spouse has already remarried, then the guilty spouse should remain single because they left their first marriage without Biblical warrant (Matthew 19:9; Luke 16:18; 1 Corinthians 7:11). b. This should show how serious the innocent spouse should consider remarriage since it cuts off all hopes of an amazing reconciliation that God may still be willing to work. 6. The amount of time that has passed, or change in standing from an unbeliever to a believer, does not alter the application of the guidelines for divorce and remarriage (Matthew 19:4-6). a. Marriage is a part of Gods plan for all human creation, not just redeemed people. Since the context of Matthew 19:4-6 is creation and not salvation, the above points apply to all marriages, divorces, and remarriages prior to or after conversion. Divorce, Remarriage, and Eldership The question is raised in many churches (and has been at Trinity) whether or not a divorcee, who may or may not be remarried, can ever serve as an elder. Can a man who has been divorced ever be an elder? Can a man who has divorced and remarried ever be an elder? There are two Biblical texts, 1 Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:6, which speak to this issue. Since the language in the two texts is almost identical, for the purpose of this paper, I will only address 1 Timothy 3:2: Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife The phrase, husband of one wife, is the phrase in question. What did Paul intend for Timothy, and the Church, to understand concerning elders? Our concern is to say what this text says, no more and no less. We must not concern ourselves with our preferences, and end up adjusting Scripture to our tastes instead of adjusting our tastes to Scripture. Before unpacking this phrase, lets be clear that the elders and I, and we hope all at Trinity, are perfectly fine with having strict standards whether or not they seem fair to us. Our sense of fairness is skewed by sin. If this text permanently keeps a divorced and remarried man from eldership, then that is exactly what we will do. But does, the husband of one wife, mean, He must not be divorced and remarried? 3

Possible Interpretations2 There have been a few different interpretations and meanings of this phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2. Here they are in no particular order: 1. He must be married to only one woman, i.e. he must not be a polygamist. God may simply be saying that a person who is in the situation of being married to more than one woman can not be an elder. Though polygamy was not very common during Pauls time, it was not uncommon, especially among the wealthy, ruling class. The most significant argument for this understanding is the word order. Literally, the Greek reads, one wife husband, not, husband of one wife. It seems Paul was intent on placing the word, one, first for effect or emphasis. 2. He must be married, i.e. not single. This is unlikely, since Paul himself was not married, and would actually contradict Pauls teaching on singlehood for the sake of ministry in 1 Corinthians 7. Thus, a single man could be an elder. 3. He must never have been divorced and remarried. This would mean that the circumstances of the divorce and remarriage are not relevant. It is an absolute, with no exceptions, that if a man was ever divorced and remarried, they cannot serve as an elder. 4. He can have been divorced and remarried but only under certain circumstances. There are really 3 different positions under this teaching: a. If he was divorced and remarried he may be an elder if he was not the guilty party, i.e. a man whose unbelieving wife abandoned and divorced him may still serve as an elder. b. The divorce must have been before he was born again, not after, i.e. a man who committed adultery, was divorced, but afterwards repented of his sin and trusted in Jesus, may still serve as an elder. c. If divorced and remarried after becoming a Christian, the man must have reestablished a track record, over the course of years, of being a faithful, godly, loving husband of one wife. 5. He must be a one woman man, i.e. faithful, pure, not lustful, godly, loving husband to the wife he is married to now. The Greek word typically translated in 1 Timothy 3:2 as husband (andros) and wife (gune) can just as well be translated, man and woman. The translation would then read, one woman man, and the implication is that he is presently (and as been) faithful to the woman he is married to and not involved in lustful wandering. The translations that translates 1 Timothy 3:2 in this fashion is the New Living Translation, He must be faithful to his wife and the Todays New International Version, faithful to his wife. By far the incomparable majority of English translations read, husband of one wife. But, the point of sexual purity and lust is valid and would keep a
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In this section I rely heavily on Randy Alcorns paper on eldership. You can read it here: http://www.epm.org/artman2/publish/Christian_living_marriage/The_Meaning_of_The_Husband_of_One_Wif e_in_1_Timothy_3.shtml

man from being an elder in light of the many warnings in Scripture against such behavior. Which is Correct? It is obvious that 1 Timothy 3:2 is open to a several, persuasive, and right-thinking interpretations. Paul knew his original readers would know what he meant, but in our time the phrase is ambiguous. So which reading is correct? While we cannot be certain of the precise meaning of this one phrase (but we do know the precise meaning of a huge majority of the Bible), the most simple and self-evident interpretation is that an elder can not be involved in polygamy. D. A. Carson is very helpful when he notes that many secular leaders in Pauls day were polygamous. In fact, the number of wives one had often showed the amount of power and wealth you had. The number of wives was testimony to how important of a person you were. Thus, Paul means to say that who you were before you trusted Jesus does not automatically stipulate who you will be in Jesus church. Suppose you were the chief of your tribe with several wives. A missionary comes and you, along with many others in your tribe, become Christian and start a church. Does the chief of the tribe automatically become the pastor or elder, the chief of the church? Paul rules that out. The credentials we bring to the church from our secular lives do not automatically qualify us for leadership in the church. In the church, Christ-like character over a long-period of time counts as the requirement in Scripture for leadership regardless of how impressive a person is outside of the church. Thus, Paul is ruling out any polygamist from being an elder/pastor. What about divorce? Thus Paul isnt speaking here about divorced persons regarding eldership. However, since how one governs a family (1 Timothy 3:4-5), and since divorce tells a lie about how Jesus loves and leads his church (Ephesians 5:22-33), it would be unwise not to investigate a man who has been divorced a bit more closely since his actions and attitudes in some way contributed to the failure of a marriage. But, the elders of Trinity see no place in Scripture where a divorced and remarried man, who has repented, sought to make wrongs right, cannot be an elder. Consider these texts as you weight this issue: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2Co 5:17). Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1Co 6:9-11). In our humble, yet informed and prayerful opinion, a person of true godly, elder-like character, who is mature and maturing in Christ, who meets the standards put forth in 5

Scripture, yet who has been divorced and remarried in years past, would serve the Body and world well as a testimony to the redeeming grace of God and the power of the gospel. Thus, because we find no text excluding divorcees from eldership who have been remarried, because we find ample reason in the above texts to think a divorcee can be forgiven and restored, the elders conclude that a divorcee who has remarried can serve as an elder provided he meets the Biblical requirements of an elder. Concluding Thoughts There is need, when considering the hurtful impact of divorce, for Biblical grace and truth. As Trinity holds out mercy to humble, repentant sinners, we will honor Jesus and love the individual. As Trinity holds out truth and admonishment to those trapped in sin, we will honor Jesus and love the individual. Thus as we consider divorce, remarriage, and eldership we must remember that this was not the way it was supposed to be. We must grieve the pain, loss, and damage that our sin in Adam and in practice and brought to our world, lives, and marriages. We must speak the Word of God to each other as we daily battle sin and it destructive influences. We must prayerfully help each other turn to the gospel as our only sustaining and true hope. For the glory of God, the vitality of Jesus church, and the salvation of sinful people we love we must hold fast to the word life.