Forty is the New 20 for Having Babies

by Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and
Challenges of Raising Your One and Only

Forty is the new 20 when it comes to having babies creating a distinct trend with
a host of positives for women who delay motherhood including living
longer than those who give birth at young ages.

When my son was three-years-old, he and my husband went out to buy the
weekend newspapers. One Sunday, as they approached the store, a gentleman
crouched down to my son’s level and said, “It’s so nice that you’re taking your
grandfather out for a walk.” Not vain, my husband was unperturbed by the
comment and the incident has become a family joke. Yet I, and many older moms
I’ve spoken with, keep ears perked, ready to deflect any “you’re the grandmother”
comments or insinuations.

Think you’re too old to have a baby…you’re probably not. Just ask first time moms
Halle Berry who gave birth at 41, Jennifer Lopez who had twins at 38, or one of
your friends. In 2006 one in every twelve first babies was born to a woman over
35. When you look at women having babies regardless of whether or not it’s their
first child, one in seven babies were delivered by women 35 or older.

Women are in no rush to marry or have children. In the mid to late 1950’s, the
median marriage age for women was 19. Today it’s 25, but many women wait much
longer to marry and have babies. Reproductive advances give women a security
blanket on waiting. The surge in births to older women tells us that they are
exercising that option. The National Center for Health Statistics states that in the 24
years between 1980 and 2004, the number of women giving birth at age 30 has
doubled, at age 35, tripled and after age 40 has almost quadrupled. Forty is the
new twenty.

Waiting with good results

In her book, "Ready: Why Women Are Embracing the New Later Motherhood,"
Elizabeth Gregory, director of the Women’s Studies Program at the University of
Houston discovered that older mothers are usually more emotionally ready to cope
with parenting. Gregory says that “many older mothers have met their career and
personal goals so they can and want to focus on family.” Life experience is a boon in
terms of translating work experience into running a household. She also notes that
marriages among older women, almost 85 percent are married when they become
mothers, tend to be more stable. Older, single first-time moms have built a stable
support network by the time they have a child.

Although older mothers may face infertility issues, may have more difficult
pregnancies, and are more likely to have Cesareans (National Institute of Health),
on an overall, the positives outweigh the possible problems for the women over 35
who are fueling the trend to motherhood later—among them, a group called
Motherhood Later rather than Sooner, a resource for midlife mothers. Women over
38 using assisted reproductive methods adjusted in almost the same ways to
pregnancy as those who were younger, and older mothers scored higher on things
like ability to handle challenges and flexibility according to a study conducted in
Sidney, Australia further underscoring Gregory’s results.

John Mirowsky, sociology professor at the Population Center at University of Texas

who also works with the National Institute of Health says the ideal age to give birth
is between 34 and 40. On the plus side he reports that those mothers experience
better health, have healthier babies, and are less likely to turn to risky behavior.
Much of this excellent news relates to the fact that older mothers tend to have
more education and to be more financially as well as emotionally secure.

The Argument: You won’t be around...

Oh, yes, you probably will. When people say: “It isn’t fair to have a child at your
age.” “You may not live to see your son or daughter married.” Or, “you won’t be
around to know your grandchildren.” You can reply, “I’ll be here.” Professor
Mirowsky found that health problems drop steadily the longer that first birth was
delayed, up to about age 34, then rise increasingly steeply, particularly after about
age 40. However, The New England Centenarian Study conducted by Boston
University Medical Center found that women who give birth after 40 were four times
more likely to live to 100 or longer than were women who gave birth at younger
ages.

Feel like delaying motherhood? Go right ahead.

***************

To follow a continuing discussion of parenting issues and only children, go to

the Singletons blog at Psychology Today magazine.

Social psychologist and parenting expert, Susan Newman, specializes in issues

impacting family life. She is the author of 13 books including The Book of NO:
250 Ways to Say It—and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever
(McGraw-Hill) and Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of
Raising Your One and Only. For only child articles, see:
www.susannewmanphd.com