M, 5h4&

T ?a

'\u

e.,

HoIN oB ,elirhr

Ll'h0\

il\,

Communication
U

h{gT (O il{TfiNT5
of listening:
Task and

The lmportanre

Relationship Benefits

The Listening Pro<ess

Listening, (ulture, and 6ender

Styles of lffective Listening

Spetial flruitur,*s

Prinriplesofl'1edia Literory
Listeninq, S9

+
,,l*i"o

Listeninglthicall,90
Reionstructinq Memory, 86

,M,""

(utsto Lyinq,9l [xpre:rirq[mpothy,9i

Regulatinq Your Listeninq

,rtn

,jr"

Style,95

$E--Ususr!s&ustr!!(\!r-'
more effective manager (ohnson & Bectrler, 1998:

1, I

fihere can b litde doubt that you listen a great deal. On w'aking, you listen to the radio or television. On rhe way to school, you listen to friends, peoplc aro\rnd )ou, screcching cars, singing birds, or falling raitl In school, you listen to the i[structors, to orher srudents, and to yourself.You listen to friends at luadr and renrrn to dass to Listen to more instructors,You arrive home and again listen to family and friends. Perhaps you listen to CDs, radio, or television. All in alt you listen for a good part of your waking day

Kramer, 1997; Castleberry & Shcpherd, lgg3;lllvet, 2003; Stein & Bo'\ryen, 2003; Levine, 2004). Recently

-. ffiffiN

[isten activety, communicate acceptance of the speaker, and prompt the speaker to further exptore his or her thoughts.

In tltls unit you'll learn about

. . .

You'Il learn to

the benefits oflistening. how listedng works and how it \raries with gender aod culture. thc sryles oflisreningyou can use.

. .

avoid the barriers to cffectivc listening. adiust your listcning so that it's most effective for the specific situatio[.

medical educators, claimirg that doctors are not trained to listen to thek patients, haye inrroduced what they cdl "naffative mcdicinc' to teach doctors how ro listen to thefu patients and to help doctors recognize how their perceptions of their patients arc influenced by their own emotions (Smith,2003). Another way to appreciate the importancc of li$ tening is ro consider its many benefits. Here are some, built around the purposes of human communication idenlilied in Unit 1:
a

2. I 3. I 4. I

listen to what the speaker is saying and fee[ing; I try to feel what the speaker feets. tisten withoutjudging the speaker. listen to the literal meanings that a speaker I don't look too deepty into hid-

communicates; den meanings.

5. I

ing, constructing meminB from, and responding to spoken andlor nonverbal messages" @mmen, 1994 and cited in Brownell,2006).

A ."orairrg to the lnternational ListeninBAsso -,fl\ciation, ltstenlng is 'rhe process of receiv-

r Respond visibly, but in moderation. Too lifile

response says you aren't listening, and too much

In this unit we will look at the importance of

listening, the natue of the listening process, some culnrral and gender differences in lislening, and the varied styles of listening you might use in different situations.Tluoughout this Lrtrit, we'll ideotify ways to avoid the maior barriers to Iistening and guidelincs for morc cffective listening.

response says you aren't listening criticaly. Backchmneling cues-head nods and brief oal responses that say you're listening-arc cspecially helpfi:l in communicating power.

Listedng enables you to acquire knowledge of others, the world, and youself, so as to avoid problcms and make better.informed decisions. For example, hearing peter tell about his tmvels ro Cuba will help you learn morc about Peter and about lifc in another country Listening to the difficulties ofyour sales staff may help you offer more pertinent sales training.

krning:

listen without active involvement; I generally remain silent and take in what the other person is saying, listen objectively; I focus on the togic of the ideas rather than on the emotional meaning of the message.

6, I

7. I 8. I

listen criticatly, evatuating the speaker and what the speaker is saying.
took for the hidden meanings; the meanings

r Avoid'adaprors'-behxyiors such as plxying with your hair or drawing pictures on a Styrofoam

cup. Adaptcrs signal discomfort and hence a lack of powen The absence of adaptors, on the other hand, makes you appear in control of the siruation and comfortable in the role of listener.

o Relating: Through attenrive and supponive lis tedng you can gain social acceptancc ar:d popu. lariry. Others will increase their liking of you once they see your genuine concern for them.

that are revealed by subtte verbaI or nonverbal

cues. These

statements focus on the ways

r Influencing:

! T}.iE IMPCIRTANCE OF
LISTENXIItrG: TASK,AF{ B RELATIO NSF!IF EEI{ EFITS
Regardless ofwhat you do, listening wiu prove x crucial corunurication component and will serye both task and relationship functions. For example, one study concluded that in this era of technological

Listening can help you change thc aftitudcs aod behaviors of others. lor example, *.orkers are more Iikely to follow your advicc oncc thcy fecl you've reauy listened to their in. sighB and concerns.

in this unit. AU of thse ways are appropriate at some times but not at other times. It riepends. So the onty responses that are really inappropridiscussed

of listening

MainEin an open posture. $fheo around a table or in an audience, rcsist covcring your face, chest, or stomach with your hands. These postures are often interpreted as signaling defensiveness o( vulnerability and hence powerlessness.
Take mode$.notes when appropriate. Taking too

ate are "always" and "never," Effective Listening js hstenjng that is tailored to the specific communication situafion.

Playfurg: Listening can be enioyable, letting you share pleasumble thoughts ard feelings. Really listening to the anecdots of coworkers will allow you to balance the world of work and the wortd

MM[frL6@0ffi

of
E

Play.

traflsforma[ion, einp.lo)'ees' interpersonal ski]ls tue especially signi.ficanti wbrkers' advsncemerlt will depend on their ability to speak and write effectively, to display proper etiquette,a.nd. to listen attentluely. And in a revealing survey of 40 CEO$ of Asiafl and'Westem muldnational companies, respondenrs cited a lack of listening sy,tlls as tbe lnajor sbortcoming of top executives (Witcher, 1999). An important task benefit of listening is to stablish and communicare power In much the same way that you communicate power verbally and nonverbally-topics we'U consider in the nexi two units-

many notes may communicare a lack of ability to distinguish between what is and erhar is not important. Taking too few notes may communicatc a lack of serious pulpose or a reluctance to deal with tl]e marerial.

Helping: Usrening often is vital in efforts to assist others. For example, lisrening to your
child's complainB about her teacher will increase your abiliry to help your chjld cope with school
and her teacher.

Consider how you might usethese statements to begin to improve your listening effectiveness. A good way to start is to review these listening behaviors and try to identify situations in which each behavior would be appropriate and situations'in which each behavior would be inappropriate. . -i:'ti ':.: -i:i|$!DEi

You also can signal power through visual dominance behavior @xline, Ellyson,

&

Long, 1975; Bur-

goon

& Bacue,2003). For

example, the avenBe

ffi/
t\

TN.NE

LXSTEhIII{G PROCESS

speaker maintains a high level of eye contact while Iistening and a lower level while speaking. When

you 'wam to signal dominance, you migh! reverse this paftern-rnaintain a high level of eye contact wh.ile talkinB but a lowcr lcvcl while lisrening.

the process of tisrening, -//-W, utmine your own lisrening habits and rendencies / by taking the following self-resr.

urtorc reading about

The process of listening can be described as a series of five steps: (l) receiving (hcaring and anendinB to the message), (2) understarding (deciphering meening from rhe message you hear), (3) remembcring (retaining what you hcar in memory), (4) evalu-

t.

you also can communicate your power through listenhg. Here are a few suggestions on how to lisren with power.

I('s also interesring to note that the effective lis teDer-to take iust a few examples of both task and relationship benefits-is more likely to emerge as $oup leader, a more effective salesperson, a more attentiyc and effecrive halth-care worker, and a

How Do You Listen?

Respond
5

\TEST Y()URSTI.$

li:ril.{iffMBEl

ating (thinking critically about md iudging th (5) respondirrg (answering or giving feedback to the speaker). The process is visualized
rnessage), and

in

Figure 4.1.

Note that the listening process is circular The

resPonses of personA serue as the stimuli for person B, whose responses in turn serve as th stimuli for Pcrson A, and so on. As will becomc c.lear in the following discussion of the five steps, listening is not a

atways, 2

to each question with the foltowing scate: 1 = = frequently, 3 = sometimes, 4 - retdom, aod

never.

I
I

1,n
ume and rate, and lots more, as you'll discover when we discuss messages irr more detail irr Units 5 and 6 For improved recePtion: E focus a$efltion on lhe speaker's verbal and nonverbal messages, on both what is said and

dr
Tabte
Peopte

4.tr

Interpersonal Communication Tips

Be'{wen Pecpie w'ith and without Hearing impairment

others have differ greatty in their hearing abiLity: Some are total[y de# and can hear nothing; md can hear ro*-" rounds; still others have impaired hearing but can hear most labored:nd ipeecn. nithiugh peopte with profound hearing loss can speak, their speech may appear ,iJi. t ii.f.".r if,,ari the speech of those with unimpaired hearing. Here are some suggestions for moie effective communication between deaf and hearing people'

what is nor said. g Look for feedback in rcsponsc to previous me* sages as well as feedforward (Unit 1), which can reveal how thc speaker would Lilie his or her message viewed.

to* t.rAngi*t

If

you have unimPaired hearing: person with a hearjng imPairment iet up a comfottoble context. Reduce the distance between yoursetf and the the baciground noise. Turn off the television or even the air conditioner'
Re-

s Avoid distractions in the environmeot and focus attention on the speaker rather than on what you'll say next
B

7,

duce

Maintaif, your role as listenel ald avoid intcr' rupting the speaker until he or she is finished'

2,
3. L-

Avoid interference' Make sure the visual cues from your speech are ctearLy observabte; your mouth. Make sure the squarely and avoid smoking, chewing gum, or hotding your hand over

F'u*iP!1.?*t:-tl.'""0n lighting is adequate'

speokdtanodequotevolume,Butavoidshouting,whichcandistortyourspeechandmayinsulttheperson'Becarefut to avoid rducing voLume at the ends of your sentences'

FIGURE

4.1

A Five-Stage Modet of Listening

At each stage of listening there wiLl be lapses' Thus, for exampte, at the receiMng stage, a listener receives pal,c of the message but because of noise (and perhaps for other reasoni) faits to receive other parts. Similarty, at the stage of understanding, a listener understands part of the message but because of the inabitity to share another's meanings exactty (see Unit 5 for more on this) faits to understand other parts. The same is true for rememberjng, evatuatif,g, ard responding. Thjs model draws on a variety of previous modets that [istening researchers have devetoped (e.g., Alessandra, 1986; Barker & Gaui, 2002; BrowneLt, 1987; Steit, Barker, & Watson, 1983)'

In this brief discussion of receiYinB (and in this en' tre unit on listeflino, ihe unstated as$unp0ofl is thar both indiyiduals can receive auditory signals *'ithout difffculty. But for the many people who have hearing impairments, Ustening Presents a variety of problems' Table 4.1 provides tips for comml:nication berween those with and those without hearing problems'

phnseideosindilferentwoys.Becausesomewordsareeasiertotip-readthanothers,itoftenhetpsifyourephrase
your ideas in different waYs'

5.

AvoidaverLappingspeech,Ingroupsituationsonlyonepersonshoutdspeakata,time'similarLy'dontlatktoapetr Etemen' witi a trearing impairment tltrough a third pirty; direct your comments to the person himse'f or hereelf' stuchildren than to hearinq iury sctooL t.ucf,ers, io,.rr.pG, haie been fuundio direct-fewer corf,ments to deaf
son dents (Cawthon, 2001).

6.

Askfuradditionotinfornotion.Askthepersonifthereisanythingyoucandotomakeiteasierforhim0rhertounderstand you.

Understanding
Understanding is the stage at which you learn wllat the spcakcr means. This understanding must take

into

consideration

both the thoughts that

are

cxprcssed and the emotional tone that accomPanies thim-the urgency or d1e iov or sorrow expfessed in the message. For improved understanding:

they're relevant to the conversa' Ion t avoid common teflrJ. IJse terms like "hear," "tisten," "music,' or "deaf' when tion. Trying to avoid these common terms MLI make your speech sound artificial' and facial 8, l)se nonverbolcu*. These Can hetp communicate your meaning; gestr''es indicating size or location expressions indicating emotions and feelings are often hetpfut'

If you

have impaired hearing:

7,

Do

your best to eliminote bockground noise,

i
process of transferring an idea from the mind of a speaker to the mind of a listener. Rathe( it i5 a Process

Relate

nw informatiofl

to what you akeady

?.

in which speakcr and listener work togedrer to

achieve a cofiunon undersmnding. As you read this discussion of the five stages of listening, realize that listening can go wrong at any ofthe five stagcs. At the same dme,you can enhance listening abiliry bv strengthening the skills

'

know. o See the speaker's messages from thc speakcr's point of view. Avoid iudging the message until the speaker you've fully understood

Moveclosettothespeoketifthishelpsyouheotbettet.AlertthespeakerthatthisctoserdistancewiL[helpyouhear better ask. For examp[e' ask 3. AskJor odjustnenfs. If you feel the speaker can make adjustments to ease your comprehension,her voLume' his or the speaker to repeat a message, to ipeak more dowly oi more distinctty, or to increase

it-as

4.
5,

Positionyou}elJlorbutrcception.Ifyouhearbetterinoneearthananother,Positionyourselfaccordingty;ifnec'
essary, cl,te
Ask fur

intended it.
e

Ask questions to ctarify or to secure additional

dctails or cxamPles if necessarY. (paraphrase) the speaker's ideas in

)'our

E Rephtas

the speaker in to this fact. as phone numbers or odditionolcues. If necessary, ask the speaker to write- dNn certain information, such event that you wish to write some' website addresses. Carrying a pad ind pencii witt prove he1pful for this and in the thing down for others.

nccded at each listening stage

your own words.

These 5uggestjons were drawn from a variety

Receiving
Unlike listening, hearing begins and ends with this tlrst stage-receiYi[8. Hearing is something that iust happens when you open your ears or when you get

Remembering
Itvlcssa8cs

of Te.ch'ology' of sources; fips for connunicoting with Deof People (Rochester Institut. www'zak'co'ii/deaf-info/o[d/ Nationat Technicat Institute for the Oof oi'"isim oip'Uft Affalro1, www tris comT&sim;(ota/daf'htmt' (atl websites accessed October 23' 2004)' conm strateqies.htmt. and www.aqbelt,org/infortation/b'oth"et-communication cfm

within earshot of auditory stimuli.

does not end,

Listening is quite different. Lisrening begins, but with receiving messages the speaker sends. Ia listening you receive both the verbal and the nonverbal messages-not only the words but
also the gesrures, facial expressions, variations in vol-

that you receiYe and mdersta-ad need to be remembered for :rt least some period of dme' In some small group and public speaking situxtions' you can augment your memory by taling notes or by tape-recording the messages. In most interpersonal communication situalions, however, such note

taking woulcl be considered inapproPriate-atthough you often do write down a phone number,
an appointment, or directions.

Wha[ you remember of a message is trot an exacl recording of what -vou her; your memory doesn't just reproduce whrt you heaL Ratller, your menory reconstnrcts the messages you hear and read, a process considered in rnore dtail in the Undcr" surnding Theory and Research box (Reconstructing Nlemory) on page 86.

identiI]'irrg the central ide6 in a message and

the major support advanced for them:

summarizing the message in a more

easily

retdned form, being careful not to ignore crucial details or quilitications;

ts

repeating narnes and key concePts to your'

I
t

\bu can improve your

message memory by:

self or, if aPpropriate, aloud; aod a asking questlons when in doubt,

vutruurrur, ur nuril!n \vntxluxlt0Ltutr

UlllTl

Listeninq in lluman

[ommunitatiol

\87

,a4

T h s sJ

v,Tud

l"R

clgoi

Reconstructing Memory

THE RESEARCHER

-r;,t-"*'*i*fl1?i;ii*ff
{ .{
dining room
cafeteria green beans satisfied table shopping
steak

[( ct)
:i
rj

'

Not Listening

that you lemember what was said. But before accepting this simple explanation, try to ^ memorize the list of 12 words presented below, modeled on an idca from a research study (Glucksberg & Danks, 1975). Don't worry about th order of the words; only the number of words remembered counts. Take about 20 seconds to memorize as many words as pos. sible. Then dose the book and v/dte down as many words as you can remember.

::il',:,;:H*11'*,'ir,*r1:

1l

I appreciate all tbese suggettizns for listening but what ifyou donl want to listen? For example, I don't want to hear about my colhaguci rektionships, my ncighbori tax problems, or euen m! Partner! fiequent and detaibd s4orts updates.
Any sugestions?
It's not unusual to find yourself in a si$ation whcre someone is speaking and you don't want to listen. The spcaker isn't thinking about you-he or she is ulking to sort out a problem or to e](press an enthusiasm. The way you respond is always your iudgment call. Considcr whcthcr listcning ia thls case is somerhlog rhat rhe sPeakef would Sreally appreciate before you take the risk of offending your partner by cutting them off. Ifyou decidc not to listcn, takc a decp brcath and interrupt. Politely- Change dre sub' ject by recognizing the speaker's coocern and then move on to a different topic:'I'm amazed thatJim hasn't respondcd. I rcalize it's very stressfiJt.You kDov/, thcre's something that I oeed to discuss with you. . . ." Don't haog in the middle. Therc's nothlng worse thm giving the imprcssion that you're tistering wher you'rc not. Eithcr listcn, or
be assertiye and change the subiect. For further information: Brownell, (3rd ed.). Boston:Allyn & Bacon.
J.

milk
hungry
saucer

knife

mcnu

Dont

rcad my firrtlLer until youve tried to memorize and reproduce rhc lisr of words,

If Touic lilc mosr pcople, you not only remembcrcd a good nmber of thc words on rhe list, but not on rhe list: ear. Most pcople would recall the word also "remcmbered" at lemt one word thar

s you'vc donc herc or hear it spokcn)-but, o you it mnt. \)Ihat happens is rhat in rcmembcring you don't simply reproducc rhe list; you rcconstruct h. In t}ris ce you gave thc list mminp ad pm of that mcming included thc word aar Mcmory for speech, rhcn, is not reproductiv+you dont simply rcproducc in your memory what rhe speaker said. Rather, memory is rcorutrucivc: You rcoruuuc the mcssages you hru inro a sysrcm rhat makes scnsc ro you bur, in r}te process, oftcn remember distoned versions ofwhat wa sa-id.
m being on dre list (whether thry rcad drc list

cm

see,

(2006) . Listening Attitudes, prTflctples and

skilk

Judi Brownell @h.D.,SyncuscUnivcrsiry)isdeanofsrudcnrsmdaprofessoroforguizadonal

communication
manageri;.1

Working with Theories and Research

Log on to your fauoite

thc School of Hotel Administndofl at Cornell Udvcrsity, where she teaches and orgadzational behavior, Profcsor Broflnell is a past Pt6idcnt of rhc Intcrnational UsleningAssociation md was inducted imo rhe Ustening tlall of Fme.
fur

:omuication

uhat

ryyes

d*tbue ot setrch cngine atd searclt fot attichs dealing uith false mcmorl. ln of :inatioru * fake mcnory fiund? Wat are some of it: implrcatiou for commtnication?

Evatuating
Evaluxting, consists of judging messages in some way. At dmes, you may try to evaluate the speaker's undedying intent. Often this evaluation process goes on without much conscious thought. For example, Elaine rells you that she is up for a promotion and is really excired abour ir.\bu may rhen try to J'udge her intention. Does she v/ant you to use your in-fluence with the company presiden(? Is she preoccupied with her accomplishment md thus telling everyone abour it? Is shc looking for a par on thc back? Genrally, if you know rhe person wel.l, you'll be able to
E

ln evaluating, try to

I rsist evalutioo until you fully

spcaker's point of view;

undcrstand the

assuBe that th spcaker ls a person ofgoodspeaker the benefit of aoy doubt by asking for clarijication on issucs that you feel you must obiect to (are there any other reasons for accepting this tery prDpD:ali);

will, and givc thc

speaker how you feel and *[nk about his or her messages. Respoflses made while the speaker is txlldng should be supportive and should acknoq'ledge that youte listening. These include what researchers on nonverbal communication call backchanneling cues:"I see;"'yes,""uh-huh,' and similar signals that lel the speaket know you're attending

r Express support for the sPeaket in your final

resPonses. E

Be honesq t}Ie speaker has a right to exPect honest responses, even if these express anger or disagreesent.
own, usi[g l-messages. For example, say "I think thc new proposal will entail Ereater exPense than you outlired" rathe r rhan "Everyone will object to the plan for costing too much."

! State your thoughts and feellngs as your

to the message.
Responscs made after the speaker has stopped talking are generaliy more elaborate and might icclude expressing emparhy ("I know how you srust feel"), asking for clarfication ('Do you mean that this ncw health plan is to replace the old one, or will it iust be a supplement?"), chalenging ("I think your cvidencc is weak here"), and agreein8 ("You're absolutely right on this, and I'll support your proposal when it comcs up for a vote"). For effecdve responding: o Be supportive of the speaker throughout the speaker's talk by using and varying backchannel-

distinguish facts from inferences (see Unit

5), opidons, and personal interpretations by the
speaker; and

identily thc intention and therefore be able to

respond appropriately. In othcr siruations, evaluation is morc in the nature of criticx.l analvsis. For example, in listening to proposals advanccd in a business mcetinS, you will at this stage evaluate them. Is there evidence to

r identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that rtlay lead rhe speaker to slant
what is presented
un-fxirly

Table 4.2 on page 88 identijies some typcs of difficult listeners-listeners who don't follow the suggestiotrs for cach of drc fivc listening stagesand theh problem-causing ways of responding.

Responding
Responding occurs in two phases: (1) responses you make while rhe speaker is talking and (2) re. sponses you make after the speaker hs stopped talking, These responses are fecdback-informalion that you send back to the speaker and thar rells the

I.TSTENII{G,

CU !.TU RE,

show that thesc proposals arc practical and will increase productivity? Is there contr2dictory evidence? Are there alternativc proposals thxt would bc

AhID GENDER
Listcning is difficult, in part, because of thc inevitablc differences in the commrnication systems berween speaker and listener. Becauc each pcrson hm had a

ing

cues; using only one backchanneling

cue-

for

more practical and more productive?

example, saying 'uh^huh" throughout-may make it appear that you're not really listening.

4{
TabLe
Review

(q
in Listening
PRINCIPLES
In a dzy ofoirtual rcaliry and comptter tions \eeingis NOT belhving,'
producing

4.2

Some Probtem-Causing Ways of Responding

OF

CY LISTENING
samc ti.me pcrsuadc you that this is in fact the newsi that is, that what the newspaper coyers arc in fact thc signiJicant evcnts of thc day. And of course media persuade you, on a

this table and try to see if it includes some of your own listening behaviors.

imuh' Couilinc

Listener Type
Static

Listening (Responding) Behavior

Giver no feedback. remains relativeLy motionless, reveats no expression,
Seems responsiv, but the responses never vary; regardtess of what you say. the response is the same. Reacts to just about everything responseS.

(l*lis)interpreting Thoughts
Why

isnt

she reacting? Am

I not

-Daaid

sound?

Monotonous

making sense? Why is he stitl smiling? I'm being dead serious. Am

Why is she so

Here are a few basic principles to illustmte the impoftance of listening ilr media literacy.

Overly expressive

with extreme

upressive?

didn't say anything

1, Media messages are vrlue{adefl, meaoing that the media contain the lzlues of the producer afld often of the primary audience. Ard these
messages ethicize and socialize you-they gve you an ethical standard and teach you the

that provocative. She'tl have a heart attack

when

more obvious level, with advcrtising.Almost all media messages have some persuasive aim. As a literate media consume& sec these persuasive messages clearly so that you cm analyze them and test their validity, mthcr dran letting them influencc you without your awareness.

I get to the

punch [ine.

Reader/writer

Reads

or writes while "tistening" and onty the room and et others but

occasionalty glances up.

Eye avoider Looks aL[ around

Am I thai boring? Is last week's student nwspaper more interesting than me?
Why

isn't he tooking at

me? Do

have spinach

'

never at you. Preoccupied Ljstens to other things at the same time, often with headphones turned up so Loud that the sound interferes with your own

on my teeth? is she going to shut that musjc off and reatly listen? Am I so boring that my tatk needs backqround music?
When

sociel rules you should follow. Because medie messages are (geoerally) expensive to produce (featue fiIrns, television shov/s), they are likely to reflect thc values of dxe rich and powetfrrl. In contrast, e.lectronic media-blogs, websites,

3. Media help construct your view of reality: Iflhat you know of the world and its people you probably leamed largely from the media.
Some media mcssages ate accurate, and some are not; some messxges are slanted, and most of them are ovcrly simplified. Listen to the ways in wfuch the media influence how you see the wodd and to the vr'ays they present

and social nerworks zuch as MlSpace or

thinking,
Waiting Listens for a cue to take over the speaking

turn,
Thought-comptetjng Listens a little and then finishes your

Is he listening to me or rehear5ing his next intenuption?

Am I that predictabte? Why do I bother saying anyihing? He a[ready knows what I'm going to say.

Friendster-are free or relatively inexpensive, and tfuough these media people normally
without inlluence voice opinions and send out persuasive messa8es. So llsten to relevision progmms, for example, with a consciousness of rhe valucs that are embedded io the productioo-the sitcom as well as the news broadcast-and how might these iflJluence your thoughts md behaviors. 2. Media mcssages are informativc and persuasive. They inform you of thc ncws and at thc

distofted pictures of what is supposed to be

reality.

thought.

In uhat

ways have thc media infumred

yur

beli$

about, for aampb, the war in lraq, thc cconomy or rcli' gion in gouernment? Hou haue the medin influrnccd

unique sel of expcriences, each person's comrnuni' cation and meaning system is going to be different from each other person's.lPherr speaker and listencr come from different cultures or ar of different genders, the differences and theA effects are narurally so much greater. Let's look first at culture.

Listening and Cutture

In a global enviroment in which people from very different cultures work togethcr, it's cspccially important to understand the ways in which cultural diJ'
t'erences can influcncc listening.

Fou of thesc listcn-

ing influences include: (1) language and speech, (2) nonverbal behaviors, (3) fcedback, and (4) crcdibiliry

second language will i:avc cven grcater diffcreuccs in meming. Translations arc never Precise and never fully capture thc meaning in the other languagc. If your meaning for "house" was learned in a culrure in which cveronc livcd in their own house with lots -of land around it, then talking about houses with someonc whose meaning was lcrncd in a neighborhood of high-rise tenements is going to be difficult. Although you'll cach hcar thc same word, thc mcan" ings you'll each develop will be drastically different. In adjusdng your listening-especially in m intercul' tural setdng-understand that the speaker's manings may bc very clifferent from yours even though you're speaking thc same language.

your pecri beli$ about these samc ksues? What qecifc mcdia hau thc most influcncc on you? Vhy!

lrlonverbaI Behaviors
Speakers from different cultures have different display rules-oltural rules that govern which nonverbal behaviors are appropriate and which are inappro priate in a public setting. As you listen to other people, you also "listeo" to their nonverbal cues. If these are drastically differeflt from what you expect on the basis of the verbal message, you may see them as a kind of noise or interference or even as conradicrory messages. A.lso, of couse, different culrures may giv'e very different meanings to the same non. verbal gesore;for erample, the thumb and forefinger forming a circle means "OK" in most of the United Stxtes, but it means "money" in Jlpan, "zero" in some Medirerranean countries, and "l'll kjll you" in Tunisi4.

listeners are feeling. In other cultures-Jrpan and Korea are good examples-it's more importmt to be positive than to be truthful, so people may respond with positive feedback (say, in commenring on a businss colleague's proposal) even though they don't actually feel positive. Listen to feedback, as you sould all messages, wittl a fuIl recognidon that various cultures view feedback very differentl-v

Credibitity
What makes a speaker crediblc, or believable, also will vary from one culture to another ln some cultures people would claim that comPetence is thc most importmt fuctor in, say, the choice of a teacher for thcir preschool childrcn. ln othcr culturcs thc mo$ imponant factor might be the goodness or morality of thc tcacher Similarly, mcmbers of diffcrcnt cultures may perceive the credibilty ofvarious media very differendy. For examplc, members of I repressive sociery in which the goverrunent controls televi' sion news may come to attributc little credibility to

Language and Speech

Even when speaker and listener speak the same lan-

guage, they speak

it vith different meanings and different accents. No two speakers spexk exactly the same languge. Speakers of the sme lan8uage will, at d1e very least, have different meanings for the same terms because they have had different experiences. Speakers and [sleners who have difterent natiYe languages and who may have learned English as a

classrooms throughout this country, there will be a wide range of accents. Those whose native laneiuage is a tonal one such as Chinese (in which differences in pitch signal important meaning differences) may spexk English *'ith variations in pitch that may seem puzzling to their hearers. Those whose native language is Japanese may h'ra trouble distinguishing , from r, as Japanese does not include this distinction. The native language acts as a filter and influences il1e accent given to the sccond language.

In many

Feedback
Members of some cuhures give very direct xnd honest feedback. Speakcrs from these cultures-the United Stares is a good example-expect the feedback to bc a forthriBht reflcction of whit rheir

:rv /

f,Axt

rl)|Jr(ldr.tt}lNt flulndn l0[n{nljlll(dil0n

UNITI

Listeninq in Human (ommunicatlon

\9'i

LISTENING THROUGH
GENDER
Your supevisorjust doesn't seem to tisten to your ideas and your feedback and you have the strong suspicion that it's because of your gender. You want to be listened to more fuirty and yet you don't want to alienatsyour supervisor,
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[@ttrtarai'fl rsraE'{l?

,^l

Cues ro Lying

=o,--'*t-t*,.r-"::ffi
.!, /

fhrough what chonne[?

such broadcasts. Afrer all, these listeners might reason, television news is simply what the goverment wants you to knovr. This reacdon may be hard ro understand or even recognize for someone raised in the Unitcd States, for oramplc, where traditionaliy the media have been largely free ofsuch political control.

l-istening and Gender

beborah Tannen opens her chapter on listening kr her best-selling You Just Don't (Indtrstand: Women and Men in Conuersation (1990) E'ith se\reral anecdotes iUustrating that whcn men and womcn talk, meo lecture and women listen, The lecturer is positioned as the superior: as thc teacher, the cxpcrt.

The listener is positioned as the inferior: as the srudent, the nonexpert, Women, according to Tannen, seek to build rap. port md establish a closer relationship, and so use listening ro achieve these ends. For example, women use more listening cues (such as inteqecting "yeah," or "uh-huhi oodding in agreement, or smiling) to let the other person know they're paying attention and are interested. Wornen also make more eye contact when listening thao do men, *'fio are more apt to look around and ofterr away from the speaker (Brownell, 2006). llen not onlv use fewer listening cues but inlerlupt more, aod they will often change the topic to a subject they know more about or rhat is less relational or people oriented or

fulness, rescilch shows, it may bc bccause thc speaker exhibits bchaviors that often ac, company lying. Here are some verbal and nonverba.l behaviors *lat are associated with Iying (I<napp & Ha[, 1997; O'Hair, Cody, Goss, & Krayer, 1988;Bond & Atoum, 2000; Al-Simadi, 2000; Burgoon & Bacue, 2003). As you review thesi behaviors, ask yourself if you use these cues in making assumptions about whethcr or not people are telling the truth. Be carefrrl that you don't fall into rhe trap of thinking that iust because someone em.its thesc cues, he or she is therefore lying; these cues are often used by truth-tellers as well and are not 100 percent relixble in indicating lying. In fact, in one study participants Eho held stereotypical views of how lirs behavc (for example, liars don't look at you, or liars fidget) were less effective in detecdng lying than were thosc who did not hold such beliefs grii & Mano, 2001). Generally, however, research finds that liars E smile less

ff i,[:;',ff ::,,:'.T?[::,*#i::f

ffi ,.

with shorter answers, often simple yes or no responses s use fewer specilics and more generalities;for example,'we huog out"
D ,espond

n shift their posturc more q use more self-touchlng movemenr

"4r'

s use more and longc, pauscs u avoid direct eve contact v/ith the listener md blink more often than normal s appear less friendly and attentive
,r make more speech errors

Working with Theories and Research

Can you recall a

*ch rua

REF&ficFJPJtS
Listening tthica[ty
Nlost often discussions of ethis in commuicalion ftrus on rhe speaker ltut listenerc, roo, havc e..hiqal obligatiotr.

.I

tm u

sination in wbich you ma& thc usumpion thdt tomcone wre lying on the buit (or othm)? Vhzt happncd! Should you went to bam more about $ing rarch for such

of

"lying" "dtuption," boher elb," and'fabehood." bi afaciruting subjeo of*udy

eco-

that is more factual, such as sports statistics,

knows a great deal about.'Women, on the o*Ier

hand, seek to be liked; so they exPress egreement,

nomic developments, or political problems. Men, research shows, teod to play up thet sxpefiise, emo Reflect honesdy on the questions the speaker Eiscs. Much as the Usrener has a right to trpect an
active spciker, rhe speaker has the right to e\pecr a listcne! who will actively deal with, mther than just passively her, thc messagc.

rarely interrupt

ln order to take thet turn

as

phasize it, and use it in dominating the conversation. 'W'omen often play dowrr their exDertisc.

speaker, and give lots of cues (verbally and nonverhally,\ tc i.nJiarle i.ii;: '-:1:i x:e ]]saeni:U

s Give the speakcr an honcst hearing. Ayoid prcjudgin8 thc spea.kcr bcfore hetring her or him. Try to put aside prejudices and preconceptions so you cu understand and then evaluate thc speaker's mcssage fairly. E Empathizc with the speaker You doD'r hav to agree with thc speaker, bur rry to understand cmo. tionally as well as inteuectually whar rhe speaker means. ln this way, you'U comc to understmd the spcakcr morc fully. E Give rhe speakcr honest rcsponses and feedback. In a letrning enviromrent such as a comunicrtion class, this mexns givlng honest and consrucrive criticism to help dre speakc! improve.

Ethical Choicc Point

You're teqclring a clas in rcmntwlicqrion, tn the pub. lic speaktng scglnent, one of lout stildents, a sincere and deloul lranian illtslim, giues a speech on ',ub! xuon|en slrotdd be subsen)ient to men.,'A,l,ter tbe first h,oo minutes of the speech, baf tbe class ualks out. Durtng tbe ,@N class )nu plan to glue a lecture on the etbics ol liste\ing.wlrot is lour etbical obligdrion tn tbis siluation?lwrat uould Wu soy?

Now, you might be tempred to conciudc iium (his lhar women play fair in conversation aod that men don't; for example, that men consistently seek to put themselves in a posidon superior to women. But that may be too simple an explanation. Research shows that men communicate this way not only witir women but with other men as well. Men are nor showing disrespect for their i'emaie cooversational partners but are simply communicating as
they normally do.women, too, communicate as drey

There's no evidence to show that these differences represent any nesatiYe

motives-for

examPle

motives on the pan

of men to prove lhemselves su'

do not only with men but rlso with other women. Tannco argues that the goal of a man in conversation is to be accorded respect. Therefore, a man seeks to disphy his krowlcdge and cxpcrtise, even if to do 'l,is he has to change the topic to one he

perior or on the part of women to inglatiate themselves. Rather, these differences in listening are largely the result of the v/ays in which men and women have been socialized. It should be mentioned that not all researchcrs agree that there is sufficient evidence to make the claims that Tannen and others make about gender differences in listening (Goldsmith & Fulfs, 1999). Gender differences are changing in todxy's world, and it's best to take general.izations lbout gender as stardng points for investigation and not as airtiSht
conclusions.

13
i.

^y
a

ffi ,-'As shessed rhroughout this unit, listening is situa' /

'
fou

m-/ STYtES 0F E,EFECTTVE uIsmmrrut

attiildes may lead you to distort messages-for example, to block out positive messaBes about a foe or negadve messages about a friend. Guard against "expectancy hearing,' in which you fail to
hear what the speaker is really saying al1d instead hcar what you expect.

tional; the rype of listening that is aPpropriate will vaq'w'ith the situation, and each siruntion will call for a somewhat diffcrent combinadofl of listening stvles. The art of effective listening iargely consists of making appropriatc choiccs along the following
dimensionsr
tr empathic and objecdve listeninS

Avoid trying to solie the problem or even giving advice when trying to achieve empathy.
Being empathic is hard enough, aod at this Point it's better to comrnunicate your support and understmding mther ihan your evaluation of the situation.

a nonjudgmental and critical listening

a surface and depth listening c active and inactivc listening

Let's take a look at each of these dirnensions.

EMPATHIC LISiENING
Your neighbors who've avoided work atL their [ives and Lived off unfairty obtained government disabitity paymenis have just won the lottery for $86 mittjon, They want you to share theirjoy, and they invite you over for a champagne toast and tell you about their ptar to move into a mansjon'
WHAT DO YOIJ sAY?

s Encourage the speaker to explore his or her feelings further by demonstnting a v/illingress to listen md an intercst in what thc spcakcr is
saFng.

ADSUSTING LISTENING
friend has just broken up a love affair and is telling you about it. "I can't seem to get Chris out of my mind," he says. "Alt I do is daydream about the stuff we used to do, and alt the fun we used to have."
Your IVHAT DO YOU sAY?

Empathic and 0bjective Listening

To understand what a person means and feels, listen

eccompanying Building Cornmunication SkiUs box proyides a few siNations for you to practice your empathic skills (below).

The

with empathy Gogers, 1970; Rogers & Filson, 1981). To empathize with others is to feel \rd!h
them, to scc thc woild as they see it, to feel what they feel. Empathy will enable you to understand other pcoplc's meanings, and lt wiu also enhance your relationships (Bafiefi & Godfrey, 1988; Snyder 1992). Empathy is bes! understood as having rwo dis' tinct parts: thinking empathv and feeling emPathY (Bellaliore, 200i).ln tbinkittg etn?athJ) ):ou espress an mderstanding of what the person means. For example, when you prraphrase someonc's comment, showing that you understand lhe meaning the person is trying to cotnmunicate, you're communicttng tbitlktrLg etnpatw. Ttre second pan is Jeeling empatlryiherc you express your feeling of sihxt thc other person is feeling.You demonskate a similarity

Nonjudgmental and

complaints. Sometimes, in other words, you have to put your mpathic resPonses asidc and Iisten w'ith obiectiviry and detachment. h adiusting your emPathic and objecuve listen' ing focus, keep the fotlowing recommendations in mind:
f,

Criticat Listening
Effective listening includes both noniudgmental

wiil help you analyze and evaluate the messages. In adjusting lour nonjudgmental and critical listening,
focus on the following guidclincs: 6 Keep

and cridcal responses. Usten nonjudgmentally

(with an open mind afld with
a view toward undersranding) and listen crllically (with a view toward making some kind of ewluation or judgment). Usten first for uoderstanding; ooly when .vort undtstand should you be willing to evaluate or judge the

an ope{r mind. Avoid prejudging. Delay your judgments until you fully understand the intention and the cottent the speaker is conr,Tlunicating. Avoid both positive and negative evaluadon until you have i reasonrbly conplete understanding.

Puilcnrate frorn the speaker's point of view Cjnit 1). If you wmt to uderstand the speaker's perspective, see the sequence of even$ as the speaker does, and try to figure out how this can
influence what the speaker says and does. Keep messages) on -vou focus (1our thoughts and,vour
the speaker

Inessages.

Listening with an open mind will help you undersufld messxges better;listening with a critical mind

Avoid filtering out or oversimpli$ing dif' flcult or complex mssages. Sinrilarly, avoid

Engage

between what you're feeting and what the other person is feeling. Often you'll respond with both thinking and feeiing empatiry in the same brief response; for example, when a friend tells you of prob' lms at home, you mry respond by sxying, for e-\ample,Yolfi'probterc at lroflze do seetn to be 8etti178 uorse. Ican imaghxe boxu lou leel so angry at
titnes.

encoumge openness and empathy, try to elimi nale an-y ph1'sicat or psychological barriers to equaliry (fbr example, step out from behind the large clesk separating I'ou from your employee)' Avoid interruptirlg the speaker-a sign that $'h:rt you have to say is morc important.
E

in equal, two-way conversation. To

, u iid in E

0 m-q

u.iryi,t;-tlo m Expressing
I

.t\

En-npadry

For xny one or two of the following situations, indicnte in one sentence (or more) how you'd responri to the speaker with thir\kitxg emp.l.tl4t and in one scltencc (or morc)

Empathic listening is the prefened mode of re" sponding in most commtmication situatiofls, but there are times v/hen you need to go beyond it ro measure meanings md feelings xgain$ some objective realiry It's important to listen to Perer (ell you how the entire s'orld hates him rnd to mderstand hos/ Peter feels and why he feels this way, But then you need to look more objectively at Peter and Per' hxps see the paranoia or the self-halred behind his

Seek to understand both thoughts and feel' ings. Don't consider ]'our ]istening task finished until you've understood what the sPeaker is feeling irs well rs what he or she is thinking' s Avoid "offelrsive listenkrg," the lendenc.Y to Iisten to bits encl pieces of information that will enable you ro ilttack the speaker or find fault wirh
something the st)exker has sxid.

' '

how you'd respond with/eeling enzpatry- Assume that all three people rre your peers' l. "I've never felt so alone in my tife. Chris left last night and said it \ras all over.'{fe were togcther for three years and now-afte r a l0-minute argument-eYerlthing is lostl' 2. "I just gor $20,000 from my atmt's estate. She left it to melTwenty thousmd! Now I
can get that car and buy some new clothes!"

3.

"A Canryl lvly paren6 bought me a Camry for graduation.What r

bummer Thcy

promised me a Lens." Exptessing empatt4/ is crucial to melnh1gfil corntnl,nicatioll, blat acquircd sklll; lt takes prdctice.

it

is not

4'17

easil)t

s Strive especially to be obiective

in llstening

to friends and lbes alike

Bc aware that your

94

/'P|IRII

Foundotionsrf llumon(ommunirorior

UNIr,
process in ryhich one or two aspects of a message become highlighted, emphasized, and per-

Listenin! in lluman (omrJruniraiion

\94

Iiltering out undesirable

messages. Clearly, you don't want to hear that something you beueve in is untfuc, that pcoplc you carc for arc unkind, or that ideais you hold are self-destructive. Yet it's important that you retramifle your bclicfs by listening to such messages.

your own biases. These may inter" with accurate listening and cause you to distort message reception through the pfocess of assimilation-thc teodeocy to integrate and inRecognize
fere

terpret s/hat you hear or think you hear to conform to your own biases, prejudices, and e<pectailons. for example, are your ethnic, national, or
reugious biases preventing you tiom appreciating a speaker's polnt of view?

haps embellished. Often the concepts thar are sharpened are incidental remarks that somehow stand out from the rest of the message. Recogniz fallacies-ways of usiflg language to subvert instead of clarify trurh and accuracyand don't bc persuadcd by their pseuclelogic. Table 4.3 identifics some populer laaguge fallecies. Io Unit L8,"Thc Pcrsuasivc Spcechi we,ll consider additioaal fallacies that are closety related to pertuasion.

$u

ild in g ( 0 m rn rrrr{ilhffm

RegtrladngYourListem.ingsryte

,,
._,, ''
'With sPccifrc rcfercncc to (he four dimenslons of effective listening discussed here, what styles would you use in each of the following situations? What types of listening would bc obl/iously inappropriate in each situation?
1. Your steady deting parmer for the last five years tells you that spells of depression

ue

becomlng more frequeflt and more long lasting. 2. Your history instructor lecturcs on the contributions of the ancient Greeks to modern civiUzation. 3. Your brother tells you he's been accepted into Harvard's MBA program. 4. Your supervisor explains the new computcrized mail system. 5. A newscaster reports on a recentA$b-Israeli meeting.
Regulate

Surface and Depth Listening

In Shakespeare'srlzlius Caesar, MarcAntony, in giviflg dle ftmcral o(ation for Caesar, 6ays:.I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. / The evil that men do lives after them; / The good is oft interred with

r Avoid uncritical llstening when you need to make evaluations and fudgments. Recognize md resist thc nomal tendcncy to sharpen-a

)nw

listenlng on tbe basls of tbe speclfic situation in ubicb jnu find yourse$

T'abte

4.3

Listening to FaLtacies of Language

Here are four language faltacies that often get in the way of meaningful communication and that need to be identified in critical listening. After reviewing these fullacies, take a look at some of the commercjal websites fur clothing, books, music, or any such productyou're interested in. Can you find examples of

these fa[[acies?

their bones.' And later: "For Brutus is an honourable So arc they all, all honourable men." But if we listen beyond the surface of Merc Anthony's words, we cm sec that he does indeed come to praise Caesar, and to convince the crowd that Brutus was dishonorablc-despitc thc fact that at firs! glance his words seem to say quite the opposite. In most messagcs there's ar1 obvious mcaning drat

tent 'packages" of

messages,

and use these

as

man;/

guides for drawing inferences about the speaker's meaning. Ask questions when io doubt. Listen also to what is omitted. Remember that speakers communicatc by what they leave out as well as by what they include.

Fallacy
Weosel words are terms whose meanings are slippery and difficult

Exampte
A commerciaI ctaiming that Medicine M works "better" than Brand X but faiting to specif,T how much or jn what respect Medicine M performs better. Ifs quite possibte that Medicine M performs better in one respect but less effectivety according to nine other measures. An executive's reference to the firing of 200 workers as "downsizing" or

Notes 0ther weaset words are help, virtuolty, nuch os, like (as in "it witt make you feel like new"), and nore
as

to pin down (Hayakawa &

1990).

Hayakawa,

econonicol, Ask yourself, "Exactty what is being claimed?" For exampte, "What does 'may reduce cho[estero( mean? What exaciLy is being asserted?"

Euphenisms make the negative and unpleasant appear positive and appea[ing.

'reailocation of resources"; Justin Timbertake's referen:e to the highty pubticized act with J3net Jackson durinq the 2004 Super Bowl as a
"wardrobe malfunction."
The [anguage of

0ften euphemisms take the form of inflated language designed to make the mundane seem extraordinary, the ccmmon secm exotic ("the vacation si a life:ime," 'unsurpassed vistas"). Don't let words get in the way of accurate firsthand perception.
When used to as when used members of

Jorgon is the specialized language of a professional ctass.

the computer hacker,

intimidate or impress,

the psychologist, or the advertiser.

with people who aren't

the profession, jargon prevents meaningful communication. Don't be intimidated by jargon; ask questions when you don't understand5obbledygook is overty language that overwhelms the instead of communicating

comptex listener meaning.

Extra-tong sentences, complex grammatical constructions, and rare or un[amiliar words.

Some peopte

just normally

speak

in

comptex language. But others use comptexity to confuse and mislead. Ask for simptification when appropriate.

you can derive from a literal reading of the words and sentences. But there's often another lncl of mean. ing. Sometimes, as in these famous lines ftumJulil,At Caesar,the deeper level is thc oppositc of thc litcral meaning. At other dmes it seems totally uffelated.In realitli most messages have morc than onc leyel of meaoing. For example, strppose Carol asks you how you like her new haircut. On one level, the mcalring is clear: Do you like the haircut? But there's also another, perhaps a more important level: Carol is asking you to say something positivc about her appearance. ln the same way, the parent who complains about working hard at the office or in thc home may. on a deeper level, be asking for an expres;ion of appreciation.The child who talks about rhe unfairness of the other children in the playground may be mking for comfort and love, for some expression of caring. To appreciate these other memings, engage in depth lisrening. If you respond onty to rhe surfacelevel communication (the literal meaning), you miss the opportuniry !o make meaningfiJ contact with the other person's feelings and needs. If you say to the parenr, "You'rc a.lways complaining. I bet you re. ally love working so hard," you fail to respond ro the call for understanding and appreciation. In regulating your surface and depth listening, consider the following guidelines;
@

Listen for both content and relational messages.The sndent who constantly challeoges the instructor is, on one levcl, communicating disa8,r'eement over content. However, on xnother

levcl-the relationship level-the smdent may bc voicing obiections to the instructor's authority or authoritarianism. The insructor needs to li.sten and respond to both types of messages.
Make speclal note of statements that refer back to the speaker. Remember that people ineviEbly ulk abou! themselves.'whateyer a person says is, ifl part, a function of who that person is.
Attend carefully to those personal, self-refcrence
messages.

Doo'. disregard ttre literal meaning of messages in trying to uncover the more hidden
meanings. Balance your lisrcoing between surface and the undedying meanings. Respond to
the different levels of meaning in the messages of others, as you would like others to respond to yours-sensitively but not obsessively, readily but not overambitior.rslp

Active and Inactive Listening

Ofle of the most irnportant communication
skil.ls

e:l:E@

Focus on borh verbal and nonverbal messages. Recognize borh consistent and inconsis-

you cm lerrn is active listening. Consider the following interaction. You say: "I can't believe I havc Io redo tlis entire budget report. I rcdly worked hard

on this proiecr, and now I have to do it all over

again." To this,you ger three different responses.

qlo
,-.iz*-:::'
,L\Dy:
Tllat's not so badimost people find they have to redo their frst reports That's the norm herc. you have CoN\ryE: You should be pleasd that all to do is a simPte rewrite' Peggy and Nlichael both had to complerely redo

cl+
Tabte

4.4

Listening Barriers and What to Do about Them

as to Iistening and some suggestions for deating with these barriers
a

Here are a few general barriers listener and as a SPeaker.

Gnsc:

ir entirc Proiects' You have lo rewrite that rePort you've worked on for the last threc wecks? You sound reallY mgry and frustrated'
dre

Cotrectives

For Listener
Phvsicot boniers: for exampte, a chatkboard with a previous speake/s notes; defective hearing

For Speaker Try-whenever possib[e-to remove potentiaI distractions.

Make what you saY comPelling and

the speaker; You can look at the room and the audience tater'
Focus on Recognize that you can think about your date later; get back to tistening.

go about it in 1'ery differeot 1ou feel bener. But they

All ftfee listeners arc probably trying to make

ACTIVE LISTENING
Your comes from work visibly uPset' and clearly to tatk about what happened ' ' ' but simply siys, "Work sucks!" You're detelmjned to use astive listeninq

ways-and surely with very differeat results Andy tries to lessen ihe sigdficance of the rewrite'This
wetl-intended and extremely cofiunon response
does tittle to promote meaningful communication
and understanding Connie trles to give the situation

life Partner

llentol di stroctionsi lor example, thinkinq about your upcoming Saturday night date or becoming too emotional to think (and tisten) clearly
Closed-nindedness; for examPLe, refusinq to hear any feminist argument oI anything about gaY
marriaqe
Biases ond preiudices; for examPle, a oender bias that assumes that ontY 6ne se, has anything useful to saY about certain toPics

so retevant to ihe listener.

has a need

that what the sPeaker is saying wilt be usetut in some way.

Assume

Anticipate this and ask for oPen-

ness-"I

know this seems contrarY

a positil'e spin. In their responses, however, both Andy and Connic arc also suggesting that you should not te feeling the way 1ou do; they're saying that

technique5,
WHAT
OO YOU sAY?

to what many PeoPte think, but tefs look at this LogicaLtY."

When you feel

Thrauqh what chonnel?

your fcelings arc not legilirnate and should be re'

placed with more logical feelings' Greg's rcsponse, however, i5 different from the oth' g owes ers. Greg uses acdvc listening' Active listeniT its dcvcLpment toThomas Gordon (1975),who made it a corneistonc of his PE.T. (parent effectiveness min' ing) techniquc. It is a process of sending back to the

spirker what you as a fistener drink the speaker meanr-horh in content xnd in feelings Active Listen-

ing, then, is not merely repeating the speaker's exact words,but nther putting together into some memin8-

ful whole yollr understanding of the speaker's toml em' message. Ar1d, incidntauy, when combined with parhi&stening, it proves the mosl effectil'c mode for -ru...r, ,, a salesperson (Comer & Drollinger' 1999) Activc listening helps you check your undcr'

and speaker's meming, dPressing understanding, asking questions. s Paraphrase the speakcr's meaning' Stating in your own words what you think the speaker means and feels hetps ensure understanding and demonstlates your interest. Paraph-rasing gives the sPaker a chance to extend what was originatly said. In parapluasing, be obiective; be espe' cieliv clreful not to lcad the speaker in the directior you think he or shc should go Also, don't overio paraphrasiflg. ParaPhrase when you feel

witling to subject your biases and prejudices to contradictory information; after alt if they're worih hauing, they shoutd stand uP to differences of
Be

opinion.

that your listener(s) may be biased, ask for a susPension of bias-"I know You don't |ike the XXX, and I can understand that. Butjust tisten to. . . ."
When you feet

i
t

ng responses; for examPte, anticipating what you're going to say and how you're going to Phrase Your
Reheorsi

Make a mental note of something and then get back to listening.

the audience is preparjng to argue with You, tetl them that vou'tl return to this point
later.

response or even speaker

interuPting the
Assume

there's a chance for misunderstanding or when you want to cxPress supPort for the other person

and keep tlte conversxtiofl Soing' a ExPress understanding of the speaker's feel-

Disnissing the speoker; for example, because of the waY the sPeaker is dressed, or because of his or her accent, or because his or her [ast speech was du[[, or because the Dems
(Reps) are

that everyone

has something

Stress

of vatue to say to You; in fact, PeoPte

who are most untike You ProbabLY have the most to tetl You.

the imPortance of what You wi[[ say; dress so as not to detnd

from your message-

just tetting us what we

stmding of what the speaker said rnd, more importantly, oi what he or she meant. Reflecting back per' ceived meanings to the speaker gives the speaker an opportuniw to offer clarificrtion and to corrcct any miiunderstandings. Active\Ustedng also lers the. sperker kflow that you acknowledge and accePt his' u her feelings. In the sample responses given above' Greg listened activety and reftected brck whnt he thought you meant while accepting what you were feeling. Nore too that he atso exPlicitty identified thc feelings ("You sound angry and frustrated"), allow-

ing you the oppofiuniry to correct his interpretatim. Stitt another function of active listening is that it stimulates dle sPeaker to explore fcelings and

thoughts. Greg's response encourages you to elabo,^," oa, you, feeliogs and perhaps to understand them better es you txlk them through' Three sinrple technic}res may help you master the process of active listedng: paraphmsing the

she can elabontc on *rcse thoughts and fbelings' 'lable 4.4 presenm a summary of sorne of the major themes piesented in the above suggestions for lis' tening mo(e effectively.

plied ("You must have felt horrible")' This expres' iion of feelings wi[ hclP you further check your percePtion of the speaker's feelings and wiu alIo*'rhe speakcr to sce his or her feelings more objectively (especially helpfut whcn they're feelings of anger, hurt, or dcPression) and rhe oppor' tunity to elaborate on thesc feelilgs' o Ask questloDs. /$king qucstions enstres yorr own tr-nderstrnding of the speaker's thoughts and ("How feetings and secures additional information did you feel when you read your iob appnisal reporti"). rlsk qustions to provide,ust enough stimutation md suPpolt so that the speaker feels he or

ings. ln addition to paraphrasing the content' ecio the feelings thc spcaker upressed or im'

want to hear-therefore, there's no sense [istening

Focusing on irrelevonciet for examp[e, an especiatly vivid examP[e When encountering a particu[arty vivid

exampte, reca[1. the Point, the main idea, that it refers to; don't get hung up on red ftags. Think about how this topic retaies to others or to some larger picture, Not everything is about You; avoid irter preting everything in terms of what it means to vou; see other perspectives' Let the speaker guide your [istening.

Repeat the main Points and connect them to your examptes and illustra'ons. Try to avoid language or exam' ptes that may divert attention from

your main ideas Include at[ listeners; make what you

say reLevant

Excessive self-focus;

for *amPte.

Listening onty to those ideas that h?ve direct retevance to You

to

everyone.

FauLty o$umptionsi for exampte, assuming you know what the speaker is goirg to say so there's no ned to listen

susoect that listeners witl make fautty assumptions. make it clear thdt what you're saying witt be unexpected'

If vou

Drowing too-earLy conclusions or

judgmentt for exampte, not [istcning

after you hear an idea with which You disag'ee (not waiting for the evidence
or arqument)

Avoid making judgments before You gather all the information; [isten before judging.

Consider

giving part of the evidence before stating any idea to which you anticipate serious objection from [isteners.

yS

,/PlRlt

[oundations of iluman [ommunitation

_ _-._--**U!!!]!_tiitenins

in tluman

(omq!]!l!arion

,\l

\!2

.ffiunlurnn":

LISTENING

IN HuMAN coMMUNIcATToN
8.
Listening is influenced by a wide range of cultural factors, such as differences in [anguage and speech, nonverbal behaviors, credibitity criteria, and feedback approaches.

,H(oe
'

Or.r

l"r,r'

This unit discussed ihe importance of [istening, the

process of listening, the influence of culture and gender on the way peopte listen, and the principtes for listening more effectiveLy.

MYCoTqMUNTcATToNLAB !l/ ift ,, i!,1 'tri Ll r1,i ]-ii rl.! ti.t i f $i',i]'.ii :ll L ,r. ll

.,,

r: i1 }i*

1.

Effective listening yields a wide variety of benefits, including more effective Learning, relating, influencing, ptaying, and helping. Listening is a five-part process that begins with receiving, and continues throuEh understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding. Receiving consists of hearing the verbal signals and perceiving the nonverbat signals. Understanding invotves learning what the speaker means, not merety what the words mean. Remembering involves retaining the received message, a process that involves considerable reconstruction. Evaluating consists ofjudging the messages you receive.

9.

Listening is influenced by gender: Men and women seem to view listening as seruing different purpdses.

2.

10, Effective listening involves adjusting our behaviors on the basis of at least four dimensions: empathic
and objective listening, nonjudgmentat and critical listening, surface and depth [istening, and active
and inactive listening,

Visit MCL and take a look at the self-test [When] Is Lying Unethicat? and the exercises Passing Information from one Person to Another, Listening Like a Man and a Woman, Reducing Listening Barriers, Practicing Active Listening, and Listening. Also listen to Taking Lessons from a Guru of Listening and participate ln the simutation How Good Is Your Memory forStories. Whi[e you're online visit The ]nternational Listening Association, a professional association of people interested in the study and teaching ofeffeclive listening (www.llsten.org) and check out the Listening Resources. What can you add to the discussion presented in this unit?

3. 4.

11. The empathic-objective dimension involves the degree to which the listener focuses on feeling what the speaker is feeling versus grasping the objective
message,

5.
6. 7.

12. The nonjudgmentat-critical djmension invotves the degree to which the listener evaluates what is said. 13,
The surface-depth dimension has to do with the extent to which the listener focuses on titeral or obvious meanings versus hidden or [ess obvious meanings. The active-inactive dimension involves the extent to which the listener reflects back and expresses sup-

Responding invotves giving feedback whjLe the speaker is speaking and tahng your turn at speaking after the speaker has finished.

14.

port for the speaker.

d-SfrTrnMs
accent (p. 88) active tistening (p. 96)

rN LTsTENING IN HUMAN coMMUNIcATToN

asimilation (p.

94)

empathy (p. 92)

backchanneting cues (p.

87)

tistening (p. 82)

.$H(urruNrue CnrrlcauLV ABour

objectile, ionjudgmenlal-;ritjca[, sut'ace..Cepth,

\-

LISTENTNG

IN HUMAN coMMUNIcATIoN

1. Your Listening Setf. Using the four dimensions of listening effectiveness discussed here (empathicenC

own experience that wou[d support thjs positive association between effective tistening and effective setting?

active-inactive), how would you describe yoursetf as a listener when [istening in ctass? When listening to your best friend? When listening to a romantic partner? When [istening to your parents? When listening to your superiors at work?

4. Men and

Women Listening. The popular belief.

as

2.

Listening to Complaints, Would you find it difficutt to listen to friends who were complaining that the insurance premium on their Benttey was going up? Woutd

noted in this uniL is that men tisten the way they do to prove themselves superior and that women tisten as thy do to ingratiate themsetves. Atthough there is no evidence to support this betief, it persists in the assumptions people make about the opposite sex. What do you betieve accounts for the differences in the way men and women listen?

you find

difficutt to listen to unemp[oyed frjends comptain that their rent was going up and that they
feared becoming hometess?
why?

it

5.

Cel[ Phone Antroyances. Some researchers have argued

that li:tening to the cetl phone conversations of others

is particularly annoying because you can hear onty one side of the conversation; ce{[ phone conversations were rated as significantly more intrusive than two people talking face-to-face (Monk, Feltas, & Ley, 2004). Do you find the cell phone conversations of people near you on a bus or in a store annoying, perhaps for the reason given here? For other reasons?

If

there

is a

difference,

3.

Setting by Listening. Researchers have argued that effective listening skills are positivel.y assocjated with satespeople's effectiveness in setting (Casttebenry & Shepherd, 1993). Can you think of examples from yout