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GROWING IN OUR INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

Volume II

(Two Training Workshops for Singles and a Pre-Marital Workshop)

Marilynn L. Hamilton
B.A., M.A., M.Div.

Keith E. Hamilton
B.S., M.Div.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP), (Galatians 6:7)

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Creciendo en el Amor Conyugal - Tomos I y II Asociacin de Parejas en Enriquecimiento Matrimonial de Amrica Latina (APEMAL) All rights reserved by the authors First edition, Spanish 1992, Santiago, Chile Second edition, Spanish 1993, Editorial C.A.L.A., La Paz, Bolivia Third edition, Spanish 1994, Editorial C.A.L.A. (Legal # 4-1-106-94, La Paz, BOLIVIA) Fourth edition, Spanish 1996, Cedar Falls, IA 50613 First edition, Spanish 1997 ( Editorial Unilit, Miami, FL 33172) Derechos reservados Producto: Tomo I: 497365 ISBN 0-7899-0299-0 Producto: Tomo II: 497366 ISBN 0-7899-0447-0 Sixth edition, Spanish 2001, Franklin, IN 46131 USA Seventh edition, Spanish 2002, Franklin, IN 46131 USA Eighth edition, Spanish 2004, Franklin, IN 46131 USA Ninth edition, Spanish 2006, Franklin, IN 46131 USA Tenth and eleventh editions, Spanish 2009 and 2010, Franklin, N 46131 USA Growing in Marital Love - Volumes. I and II Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP) All rights reserved by the authors Translated from the original in Spanish by the authors First edition in English 1998, Franklin, IN 46131 Second edition in English 1999 Third edition in English 2000 Fourth edition in English 2001 Fifth edition in English 2002 Sixth edition in English 2004 Seventh edition in English 2006 Eighth and ninth editions in English 2009 and 2010, Franklin, IN 46131 Growing in our Interpersonal Relations - Volume I First edition in Spanish - 1998, Franklin, IN 46131 Second edition in Spanish 2001 First edition in English - 1999 Second edition in English 2001 Third edition in English 2002 Fourth edition in English 2004 Fifth edition in English 2006 Sixth and seventh editions in English 2009 and 2010, Franklin, IN 46131 Growing in our Interpersonal Relations - Volume II First edition in Spanish 2001, Franklin, IN 46131 First edition in English 2001 Second edition in Spanish 2002 Second edition in English 2002 Third edition in English 2004 Fourth edition in English 2006 Fifth and sixth editions in English 2009 and 2010, Franklin, IN 46131 Growing in Our Family Relations, Vol. I First edition in English, 2010, Franklin, IN 46131

Logo of REAPP/APEMAL: Couples - !+! (two hearts living in harmony). Singles - (interpersonal relationships) The total or partial reproduction of this work in any form is prohibited, without the previous written authorization by the authors, with the exception of the following sections: 1. The list of materials needed for the workshops 2. Appendix B of the BTW: Guide for growth groups 3. All of the forms and handouts Unless otherwise indicated, all Bible passages were taken from the New RSV, Thomas Nelson, Publishers, 1989. Used by permission. REAPP/APEMAL Revs. Keith and Marilynn Hamilton TeleFAX: 317-736-1286; Cell: 317-809-8869 1070 W. Jefferson St. E-mail: kehmlh@gmail.com Franklin, Indiana 46131 USA Web site: www.ywamconnect.com/sites/KandMHamilton

DEDICATION

We dedicate this work to all of the singles, both men and women who have enormously blessed and enriched our lives through the years, and to all of the facilitators, both present and future who are committed to helping singles of all ages in their personal and interpersonal relational development, praying that the Lord Jesus Christ will shower His grace upon them and their loved ones, for His honor and glory.

Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14)

THESE BOOKS MAY BE PURCHASED FROM:

The leaders of REAPP in your nation

and/or

Revs. Keith and Marilynn Hamilton (REAPP) 1070 W. Jefferson St. Franklin, Indiana 46131 USA Telephone: (317) 736-1286 Cell: (317-809-8869) E-mail: kehmlh@gmail.com

THESE BOOKS MAY BE DOWNLOADED AS A GIFT FROM: Web page: www.ywamconnect.com/sites/KandMHamilton


GENERAL INDEX

Foreword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 A Note to Pastors and Church leaders . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Basic Training Workshop for Singles (BTW for Singles) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Contents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Materials for the BTW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . General instructions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session I . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session II . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session III . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session V . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session VI . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Appendices: A Forms and handouts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B. Guide for growth groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C. Making finances fun . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . D. Special ceremonies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E. Teaching charts for the BTW for Singles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Advanced Training Workshop for Singles (ATW for Singles) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Contents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Requirements for Levels III and IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . General instructions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session I . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session II . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session III . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Session IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Appendices: A. Forms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B. Teaching charts for the ATW for Singles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C. Special ceremonies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pre-Marital Workshop (PMW) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Contents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . An adaptation of the Marriage Enrichment Workshop for engaged couples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Appendix: A. Handouts and forms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 13 15 17 19 33 43 55 59 63 75 89 91 95 99 105 107 109 110 111 113 115 119 121 127 129 135 137 139 141

About the authors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167

BEHOLD, THE LORD GOD COMES WITH MIGHT, AND HIS ARM RULES FOR HIM; BEHOLD HIS REWARD IS WITH HIM, AND HIS RECOMPENSE BEFORE HIM.

HE WILL FEED HIS FLOCK LIKE A SHEPHERD, AND HE WILL GATHER THE LAMBS IN HIS ARMS, HE WILL CARRY THEM IN HIS BOSOM, AND GENTLY LEAD THOSE THAT ARE WITH YOUNG.

Isaiah 40:10-11

FOREWORD

The following words were written in English as a Foreword to the original work for couples in Spanish (UNILIT, First edition 1997, Spanish House, Inc., Miami, FL). We use the same Foreword here because the entire work of REAPP/APEMAL (both for couples and singles) is founded on the creative work of the Maces.

It is a new experience for me to write a foreword to manuals that I cannot read because they are in a language I do not speak! I know that it will be carefully translated, but most of all, I believe there is a language of the Spirit which far exceeds any words of mine and will make clear the message of my foreword. I have read an English translation of material from the three previous Spanish editions of these materials. I have talked at length with the authors, Marilynn and Keith Hamilton about their experiences in working on behalf of families and marriages in South America in a cultural setting different from their North American one. In both correspondence and conversation with the Hamiltons three words stood out very clearly NEED, PREVENTION, and DEDICATION. In their work they saw on every hand a hunger for help and guidance in knowing how to strengthen marriages and families, and how to stem the tide of increasing breakdown in these. It was to meet these challenges that the Hamiltons took training in Marriage Enrichment and dedicated themselves to the sharing in South America of all they learned, interpreting it to the needs and opportunities their work presented. My late husband, David Mace, and I had 57 years of marriage. Beginning on our wedding day, instead of the customary speeches and toasts, we told our families and friends that we clearly believed we had been called to work for better marriages and families, beginning with our own. That phrase became our motto, and the inspiration behind it led us through the years to take our message to 61 different countries and write 33 books on marriage and the family, and have the privilege of working with international organizations in our field throughout the world. That is why I am writing this Foreword, in the sincere belief that APEMAL (REAPP, the English acronym of this international organization) is truly working for better interpersonal relationships. As I write now a new calendar year has recently begun, and, with a January birthday, I have just begun a personal new year. At this time of year, I am always reminded of a quotation given me many years ago. It was written by Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957). I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown. And he replied, Go out into the darkness and Put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than a light, And safer than a known way.

8 I pray that those coming to these manuals for the first time may experience being in the hand of God. I know those who wrote the manuals and those who are working to follow their guidance and share it with others, truly are in the hands of God.

Come, join us to work for better marriages (families and interpersonal relations), beginning with our own.

Vera Mace 1997 Black Mountain, North Carolina 28711, USA

Authors note: That is how these workshops began. Dr. Vera Mace celebrated 100 years of life in January, 2002. She and her late husband, Dr. David Mace, founded The Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment, A.C.M.E., in 1973. The Maces were pioneers and world leaders of the Marriage Enrichment movement for many years. Dr. David Mace passed from this life to life eternal in December of 1990. Since Dr. Vera wrote these words, the preventive principles have ben adapted to create workshops also for singles. Dr. Vera joined her husband in the nearer presence of our Lord in 2008.


ACKNOWLEDGMENTS We are grateful:

to Better Marriages (formerly the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment, A.C.M.E,), P.O. Box 21374, Winston-Salem, NC 27120, Tel. 1-800-634-8325, Fax 336-721-4746, E-mail <acme@marriageenrichment.com>, www.BetterMarriages.org, for permission to use their materials and for the faithful and dynamic work their leaders have done throughout the years, inspired by their founders, David and Vera Mace. to David and Vera Mace for their pioneer work in the discovery of the preventive principles and for making them available to us all; and to Vera for composing the Foreword; to Phyllis and Rand Michael, the editors of the Basic Training Workshop Participant Guide and Resource Manual (A.C.M.E.) for the use of their Colors of Communication, their transforming teaching and excellent role model; to Genie and Preston Dyer for their foundational book Marriage Enrichment Process, Methods, and Techniques, which gives direction to the whole experience; to David and Sarah Catron, Al and Carole Pugsley, and Bobbye and Britton Wood, A.C.M.E. leaders, for their encouragement; to the Iglesia Evanglica Metodista en Bolivia and Youth With a Mission, Chile for being the first in Latin Amrica to extend to us their invitation and support; and to the many churches in South Amrica, Africa and Europe who have opened their arms with sincere love; to Judith Bocangel de Robison, Amalia Corvaln Canales, Marcela Chvez de Yaez, Jorge Hugo and Dmaris Santander, Georg and Christine Schubert, David Joel and Christine Ruth Hamilton, Benjamn Parra, Daniel Etchart, Pablo Cerquera, Victor Gallo, Sonia and Edgar Surenian, Isabel and Omar Martn, Diana and Carlos Echeverri, Elsy and Carlos Lamprea, Marlene y Gregorio Lpez, Lisbeth Buritic de Torres, Ana Mara Caycedo Martinez, Ricardo y Gladys Molina, Martina Fromm, Uli Schmer, Timothy Keith Hamilton, Beth Blackbird, and John Waggoner for the many hours of sacrificial love they graciously invested in the editorial work; to all the participating couples and singles from and working in many nations, representing different cultures and speaking different languages, for their reflections, inspiration, and warm welcome: Canada, Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Peru, Uruguay, and Venezuela, Barbados, Costa Rica, Dominica, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Grenada, Haiti, Honduras, Guatemala, Guyana, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, Puerto Rico, Suriname, Albania, Belgium, Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Denmark, England, Finland, Germany, Hungary, Ireland, Kazakhstan, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Roumania, Russia, Scotland, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Angola, Burkina Faso, D. R. Congo, Ivory Coast, Kenya, Lesotho, Mali, Madagascar, Namibia, Nigeria, South Africa, Tanzania, Rwanda, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Bangladesh, Korea, Hong Kong, India, Japan, Malaysia, Fiji, New Zealand, the Philippines, Palau, Papua New Guinea, Samoa, Taiwan, Togo, Tonga, Australia, Israel, USA and other nations. above all to GOD for this opportunity to serve Him and to dream with Him of the coming of his glorious Kingdom when every person and every family will know and live his love.

10 A NOTE TO PASTORS AND CHURCH LEADERS

Pastors and church leaders are very busy people. Yet, we have observed that often they invest much time counseling with persons one on one (which is what we did), when the goal, helping each individual to grow as a person and learn how to create healthy, interpersonal relationships, could be accomplished much more efficiently and effectively through training in Relationship Enrichment Workshops, in which singles in a group situation simultaneously practice the preventive principles they are learning. Effectively: When pastors and lay leaders with a ministry with couples and singles catch this vision, the results are amazing and heartening. First of all, the couples and singles themselves are excited about the improvements in their relationships. Secondly, in some churches the pastoral team truly have captured the concept of the efficacy of the workshops, and are promoting them throughout the denomination, as well as in the local church. As a consequence, their churches are being strengthened in other ways as well. Not only are they equipping couples and singles to build strong and healthy relationships, but every aspect of church life reflects this new growth among those who have experienced the workshops and continue to grow in Growth groups. Some churches are discovering an additional and unexpected benefit. God is using the workshops, originally a tool for discipling, also as a tool for evangelism for both couples and singles. Often couples who have been living together but whose marriages have not been blessed by the Lord, come to know Jesus, ask for baptism, and formalize their marriages. That of itself is marvelous, but God is doing something more. Friends in Colombia tell us that soon afterward the relatives of these couples and singles suddenly appear in church because they are seeing the transformed lives of these new Christians and are asking, How did this happen? We want to know more about this Savior. Efficiently: First, the workshops are preventive. It takes much less time and effort to grow healthy families, than it does to try to pick up the scattered pieces of broken relationships and disturbed and delinquent children. Secondly, training 5-10 couples or 10-20 singles simultaneously in workshops, rather than trying to counsel couples on a one-on-one basis, is much more efficient time-wise. Thirdly, the workshops are dynamic: they help the participants immediately to practice the preventive principles being taught. David and Vera Mace have expressed it in this way: We are strong advocates of marriage counseling, and we happened to be among those who pioneered its first beginnings and have helped to establish marriage counseling services all over the world.....However, we must face the fact that often marriage counseling comes too late to achieve much.....it takes up a lot of professional time; yet it makes very little impact on the situation......The problem is, how can we do preventive work with marriages?..... Premarital counseling by the pastor is in almost every case purely didactic. (Nevertheless), You do not change human behavior, and even more emphatically, you do not change human relationships, by giving people information....What, then, enables information to lead to behavior change? The critical step is to put it into action and experience the result.1 Exactly the same can be said of the singles workshops! We invite you, along with other members of your congregation, to experience Marriage Enrichment and Relationship Enrichment Workshops and to discover these truths for yourselves.

David and Vera Mace, Marriage Enrichment in the Church. Broadman Press, Nashville, 1976, pp. 53-56.

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THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles)

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SING ALOUD, O DAUGHTER OF ZION; SHOUT, O ISRAEL! REJOICE AND EXULT WITH ALL YOUR HEART!... THE KING OF ISRAEL, THE LORD, IS IN YOUR MIDST; YOU SHALL FEAR EVIL NO MORE! HE WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH GLADNESS; HE WILL RENEW YOU IN HIS LOVE.

Zephaniah 3:14,15,17


THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles) CONTENTS

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Page Materials for the Basic Training Workshop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 General Instructions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 Session I . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Teaching: Bible study Teaching: Requirements for the certification of facilitators, practices and forms Teaching: Relationship Enrichment: Leadership, process, methodology, techniques, and ground rules Exercise: Trust walk Teaching: Reflections on the REW experience (Overview of Vol. I) Dramas: Conflicts Teaching: Giving counsel or sharing preventive principles Session II . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 Teaching: Aspects of leadership Exercise: Qualities and abilities Teaching: Aspects of leadership Dramas: The Communication rainbow Teaching: The use of the exercises Teaching: Challenges in the group Dramas: Four inadequate methods Session III . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Teaching: Appendices of the BTW Dramas: Four adequate options for resolving disagreements Teaching: How to prepare the practices for leadership Guidelines for evaluating the presentations Exercise: The teams begin to prepare the teaching charts Session IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 Teaching: Bible study Exercise: The teams complete the preparation of their practices Session V . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Exercise: The teams practice leadership Session VI . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63 Teaching: The use of principles of communication (Review) The Communication cycle - I, II, III, IV Exercises: The participants prepare their Communication rugs and practice The Communication cycle with the Rainbow Interviews with the participants Closure and final worship

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Appendices A. Forms and exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B. Guide for Growth groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C. Making finances fun . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . D. Special ceremonies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E. Teaching charts for the BTW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

75 89 91 95 99

Requirements for Certification . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109


MATERIALS THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP (BTW)

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A.

The facilitators will buy with the fees paid beforehand (to the local coordinators) on behalf of the confirmed workshop participants, or the facilitators will have available from the REW just completed: 1. Permanent marking pens with a chisel (broad) tip of various strong, bright colors, 3 per person for preparing the personal histories and the Communication rugs. Finer marking pens of washable colors may be purchased and used for the covenants for the creative use of conflict. Enough large sheets of good quality paper so as to have three sheets per person for their leadership practices, and one large sheet to hang in the room to note down questions that come from the group and which may be answered at appropriate moments. Masking tape for hanging the teaching charts and for the name tags. White correction fluid for making corrections on teaching charts; fingernail polish remover or rubbing alcohol and cotton for making corrections on the plastic Communication rugs. The latter may also be used to remove errors from teaching charts, according to the quality of the paper. One cassette player and appropriate recorded instrumental music. For each person, transparent plastic of medium thickness (approximately 40 in x 90 in. or 1 meter x 2.20 meters) for making their Communication rugs. Large pieces of plastic to place beneath the teaching charts while the couples prepare them so as to protect the tables (if needed). One photocopy per person of each of the Handouts N 3 and N4, Appendix A, and placed together in a top-loading plastic sheet protector. Plastic sheet protectors, one per person. A box of disposable handkerchiefs. Long rulers of approximately 50 cm. or a yard in length for preparing the practices, one for every 2 persons. One pencil with eraser per person.

2.

3. 4.

5. 6.

7.

8.

9. 10. 11.

12.

B. The local coordinators will provide or will invite participants to bring: 1. 2. One Bible per person. Simple refreshments to serve the participants during the rest times of each session, or this expense may be included in the workshop fees the participants pay.

16 3.

Movable chairs (1 per person) arranged in a circle in a spacious and clean room which will permit movement during the workshop. Someone to play a guitar or other musical instrument and to lead the songs of praise. Name tags for everyone. Transportation to take the instructors and materials to and from the meeting place.

4. 5. 6. C.

Each participant needs to purchase a set of books (Volumes I and II): 1. Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations - Vol. I: Manual for the Relationship Enrichment Workshop. Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations - Vol. II: Two training workshops (the Basic Training Workshop and the Advanced Training Workshop) and the Pre-Marital Workshop.

2.


GENERAL INSTRUCTIONS THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles) I. You may use this manual: 1. 2. 3.

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In a Basic Training Workshop for Singles (BTW for Singles) guided by two instructors; or With a group of singles who choose to study together to learn to be facilitators simply by following the instructions in the manuals, without the benefit of a instructor; or Alone with another single who also desires with you to form a team of facilitators to serve other singles.

If it is at all possible, we recommend that you participate in a workshop led by two certified instructors or in a group of singles who want to study together to prepare themselves for this ministry, because participants learn so much through sharing in the group. A. The Basic Training Workshop for Singles (BTW for Singles) should always be preceded by the Relationship Enrichment Workshop (REW) even if the participants have experienced a REW on a previous occasion and at an earlier time. The difference will be: 1. 2. This time the participants will have the manuals in their hands; and Each time that the participants experience the teachings and exercises of the workshop, they are living a new reality. Their lives are in a different stage.

B.

The BTW for Singles includes 24 hours (6 sessions of 4 hours) and is composed of: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. New teachings and exercises for equipping and edifying the participants; Training in how to lead a REW; An opportunity to practice leadership; Experience in creating and presenting dramas; The creation and practice in the use of the Communication rugs.

C. It is preferable, if it is possible, to hold the BTW in a retreat setting where one may: 1. 2. 3. 4. Accommodate a maximum of 24 persons (20 in training and 2 teams of leaders, that is, one instructor team and 2 facilitators doing their practice for certification; Prepare and serve meals for everyone (have tables and chairs available); Have adequate table space for making the teaching charts and Communication rugs. If the BTW for Singles is held separately from the REW, have 6 sessions of 4 hours each over a period of 2-3 days, or complete the workshop on two successive weekends. If the workshop takes place in a retreat center over a 3-day period, the participants will have time to relax together, as well as a time of intensive training. The ideal plan is to hold the BTW immediately following the REW. Please see the suggested schedule on page 27 of Vol. I, Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations. Devotionals may be prepared by the leaders themselves, or by participants who have been invited beforehand, or by volunteers during the BTW.

5.

18 II.

When this manual is used in a self-instructive setting (by two persons or by a group of singles who want to learn together how to lead Relationship Enrichment Workshops): A. B. It is important to follow all of the instructions and teachings in detail. It is important to realize that these workshops should never be taught by an individual, but always by a team (spouses or singles) deeply committed to living out the preventive principles. In order to prepare oneself to guide a workshop it is necessary to: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. D. Study the texts of the REW and the BTW; Employ the preventive principles in your relationships daily; Fulfill all the instructions in the manual; Practice teaching small segments until you feel comfortable with the material; Ask the Lord to bless you and others through this ministry.

C.

Finally, if you want to be certified as a facilitator, get in touch with the international leaders of this movement, or better still, with others in your church, denomination, region or nation who are on the same journey. We encourage you to network among yourselves. In Session I of this workshop and Session III of the Advanced Training Workshop (ATW) you will find detailed suggestions as to how this may be accomplished.


THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles)

19

GLOBAL OUTLINE SESSION I (four hours) Min. 20 Page A song of praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Concerns and celebrations A change of hat Schedule for the session Bible study . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Requirements for the certification of facilitators, practices and forms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Teaching: Relationship enrichment: leadership, process, methodology, techniques, and ground rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 Exercise: Trust walk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 (A) walk together as a team (B) share with the entire group Rest time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 6. 25 10 4 45 25 1 Teaching: Reflections on the REW experience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Overview of Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations, Volume I (the REW) . . . . . . . . . . . B. Dialogue: The five stages of the process . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C. The double development of the five stages of the process . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . D. Transitions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dramas: Conflicts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Teaching: Giving counsel or sharing preventive principles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Closing prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 26 26 27 28 28 28 31

1.

15 25 10 40

2. 3. 4. 5.

20

7. 8. 9.

20

It is suggested that the following teaching charts be prepared beforehand and hung in the meeting room: 1* 2* 3* 4* 5* 6. 7. 8. 9. Ground rules for the workshop2 The Golden rule The Great commandment The judgment of the nations The goal Relationship enrichment Giving counsel Sharing preventive principles Double development of the five stages

It is suggested, also, that there be hung in the meeting room: 1. A large blank sheet of paper for writing down questions which are unrelated to the theme being presented, but may be answered later at an appropriate moment. Every question is important.

The teaching charts with asterisks (*) will hang in the meeting room throughout the entire workshop.


SESSION I 1. A SONG OF PRAISE Let us stand and sing ___________. Concerns and celebrations, with prayer Has anyone come with a concern or celebration? After sharing them, we will present them to the Lord. A change of hat

21

During the REW we wore the hat of participants, focusing on how we might grow in our interpersonal relationships. Now we are going to take off that hat and put on a new one: the hat of facilitators in training. In the Basic Training Workshop we are going to study how to lead other singles in a Relationship Enrichment Workshop. Are you ready? Lets change hats! Schedule for the session The schedule for this session is as follows... 2. BIBLE STUDY: Matthew 7:24-29 Apply the three questions: 1. 2. 3. What does the passage say? What did it mean to the first hearers and readers? What does it mean to me?

After the group responds to the three questions, you may close with the following words: What was the root of the authority of Jesus? Just one thing: the coherence between what he lived and what he taught. Likewise, the coherency we achieve between what we teach and what we strive to practice will be the basis for our authority in the workshops and in our homes. The preventive principles of relationship enrichment are not magical. However, if they are practiced faithfully, they will certainly produce miraculous results. 3. REQUIREMENTS FOR THE CERTIFICATION OF FACILITATORS Usually persons beginning a Basic Training Workshop are eager to know how they may become certified as facilitators. So lets share those guidelines right now. A. The following are the requirements for the certification of facilitators. (Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles Asociacin de Parejas en Enriquecimiento Matrimonial de Amrica Latina (REAPP/APEMAL). Certification may be conferred by the Committee for Training and Certification when a person has:

22 1.

Participated in a BTW and received favorable evaluations from the instructors. Today we are beginning this Basic Training Workshop. After the completion of this Basic Training Workshop, led or co-led two REWs of 22 hours each and presented to the Committee for Training and Certification two kinds of evaluations from the participants: a. Sixteen copies of the Evaluation of the REW (BTW, form N 2, page 78) from the participants of the two workshops, that is, from 8 persons in each workshop, evaluating the experience; Sixteen copies of the Evaluation of the facilitators in training (BTW, form N 3, page 79) from the participants of the two workshops, that is, from 8 persons in each workshop, evaluating the leadership style of the persons in training.

2.

b.

3.

Presented the Report of the facilitators in training (BTW, form N 4, page 80) giving your report of the two workshops you co-led. Presented your Application for certification (BTW, form N 5, page 81). After receiving training in the REW and BTW, the candidate will be recognized as a facilitator in training and is authorized to lead or co-lead the REW. After completing two practice REWs, he/she will be called a certified facilitator with all authority to lead Relationship Enrichment Workshops. In regard to other levels of training and certification, please turn to pages 103 and 109 of Volume II. It is not required, but it may give greater security to the facilitators in training if they do their two practices with another pair of facilitators in training or with two other certified facilitators. When you have completed the above steps and are ready for the next level of training, you may invite us or another instructor couple or team to come for the Level 3 training. It is the desire of the Committee on Training and Certification to facilitate your certification and also to maintain high standards. Either a team of singles or a couple properly certified may lead the REW and this training. As singles, you may choose always to work as a team with one particular friend, or you may work as a team with a variety of persons. If you are using these books to train yourselves, follow these same steps.

4. 5.

6.

7.

8. B.

The practices Frequently persons ask: How long should I wait before leading my first practice workshop? Our answer is: The ideal is to do the two practice workshops within the first year after receiving the Basic Training Workshop for Singles, and receive your certification. In other words, begin as soon as possible. If we wait until we become perfect, well never begin (Luke 6:38). It is not a requirement, but a suggestion, that you do your practices with two teams working together joining forces with another two facilitators in training or with two certified facilitators.

23 This arrangement gives more security to beginners, is more fun, takes advantage of the gifts of all, and divides the responsibility between 4 persons! Then, you can change the segments that you teach in the second workshop, and thus obtain experience in the total leadership of the REW. One of the best ways to accelerate your own personal growth is to prepare to be facilitators. Therefore, it is important to: 1. 2. Practice, practice, practice the Golden rule, seeking to be more and more caring with one another, honoring one another. Create relationships of grace. Seek to change yourself, and not others. If you want to express some grief or hurt, make an I statement. For example, I feel _____ when you _____. Although it is not appropriate to try to change another person, you may speak openly of your differences, using David and Vera Maces four As:1 (These were created for couples, but may be very useful for persons living in the same house.) a. b. c. d. Approval. Im entirely happy about where you are in that area, so no change needs to be made. Acceptance. I can see why you think and act in that way, and Im willing to support you in what you do. Adaptation. Your behavior in that area isnt really what I would prefer, but I understand where you are, and I hope you are willing to make a few small changes. Adjustment. Here I can see possible trouble, so lets work on it together and find a mutually acceptable solution.

3.

4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

9. 10.

Live daily with the preventive principles of good communication, your 10 and 10', and the creative use of conflict. Use the laminated Communication cycle and the Communication rugs, and teach these to other household members. Study and internalize the REW and the BTW. Seek excellence in each presentation (Philippians 3:12-14). Participate in a Growth group. Prepare your teaching charts, as a team if you wish. (See Vol. I, page 19, #3 for details.) Enroll 12-22 persons for the workshop. Always have the names of other persons on a waiting list. Remember that the facilitators do not present themselves as experts, but rather as participating facilitators who likewise are striving to grow in their interpersonal relationships, always on the road to perfection, while they seek to help other singles to grow. Have a group of persons committed to supporting you with prayer and every aspect of the workshop: enrollment, arrangements, meals, snacks, child-care, etc., as needed. Although you are welcome to adapt the language for the group where you are ministering, if that will enable better communication of the preventive principles, please do not change or add to the content of the workshop. It is a God-given process, each part being built on the previous teachings and exercises, and if carefully followed, will encourage behavioral change. Keeping in mind the above, please feel free to teach the workshops using your own words and styles of expression, or reading the text while keeping eye contact with the group. Both methods have advantages. It is your decision.

Mace, David and Vera, When the Honeymoons Over, Abingdon Press, Nashville, TN, 1988, page 83.

24 11.

Two couples have written the following about their leadership in the Marriage Enrichment Workshops. We consider that their experience and witness are also valid for those singles who aspire to be facilitators of the REW.

A couple from Argentina, reflecting on their experiences as a facilitating and instructor couple, wrote the following: God spoke to Joshua various times to be strong and very courageous (Joshua 1:6,7). Then he ordered Joshua to strive, to act in accordance with all the law, not to turn from the right or the left. Even before the beginning of a workshop the first thing that comes to our minds is all the time we must give and the sacrifice we must make (our work, the children, church activities, etc.) in order to lead the workshop. But the Lord asks us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, that we may prove what is the will of God (Romans 12.2). It is only as we obey that we begin to understand that the courage we show and the effort we make to do what God asks of us will bring incredible blessing to us and to others. As we walk in obedience, the tiredness evaporates, but the life-giving teachings we share will last forever. Nothing can take them from us. The Lord renews our strength and cares for us and our every need (Isaiah 40:28-31). Victor and Susana Gallo, Instructor couple A couple from Colombia has written the following: The Marriage Enrichment Workshops have proportioned to our lives growth as a couple, as a family, and as members of the community. They have allowed us to discover that God through his word has established preventive principles which, when practiced, will cause harmony and joy to grow in our homes. We are also witnesses to the fact that these preventive principles are effective in every relationship, including for our adolescent children. Through the practice of these principles our children also have matured and grown in their own sense of worth. We encourage every couple both to practice and to share the teachings of this workshop. Every time we lead a MEW, we strengthen our own relationship, because it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35). Carlos and Diana Echeverri, Instructor couple B. The use of forms After explaining the process for certification, the instructors may respond to questions and call attention to the five forms found in Appendix A, BTW, pages 75-87. 4. TEACHING: RELATIONSHIP ENRICHMENT: LEADERSHIP, PROCESS, METHODOLOGY, TECHNIQUES, AND GROUND RULES. (Point to chart)1 Now that we have experienced the Relationship Enrichment Workshop, it is appropriate to ask: What are the essential elements of the process, methodology, techniques, and the ground rules which were used to create this healthy, illuminating, and transforming experience? A. Leadership. We who are leaders of relationship enrichment events never work as individuals, but always as a team of participating facilitators. Our goal is to share the preventive principles with others at the same time that we continue to seek to grow in our own interpersonal relationships. We use a style of leadership which is horizontal. Physically: we sit to lead (Matthew 5:1; John 6:3). Spiritually: we are all seeking to grow (Matthew 23:8-12). The one thing which would discredit a

Marriage Enrichment: Process, Methods and Techniques, by Genie and Preston Dyer, Marriage and Family Consultants, 219 Guittard, Waco, TX 76706, 1989. Adapted and used with permission.

25 leader most would be a marked disparity between what is taught and what is lived. Although we say We dont come as experts (and we never are!), our ability to relate to others in healthy ways is the most valuable resource that we bring to the workshop. For this reason, it is essential that we practice, practice, practice the preventive principles in our daily lives. The quality of our leadership is key.

B.

The process. The process unfolds as the teachings and exercises are presented throughout the workshop, from its beginning to its conclusion. At the beginning of Session I of the REW we named five stages of the process, which may be found in Session I, segment 6 and in the list of Contents, page 5 of Vol. I. The purpose of the process is to create a framework which allows us to guide the experiences of the REW from beginning to end in such a way that the preventive principles may be taught, demonstrated, and applied to each person or relationship represented in the circle. It is important to point out that each teaching and activity of the workshop is built on that which preceded it. For this reason, one should not skip over any part of the process, but be faithful to its full development. The methodology. The methodology refers to the methodical system which is used to fulfill the tasks and accomplish the purpose of each stage of the process. Relationship enrichment uses primarily three methods: 1. 2. 3. Clear teachings of the preventive principles, Learning by doing; the practice of each principle being taught; and The group dynamics by which each participant is encouraged to grow.

The focus of everything is to facilitate the growth of each person in his/her relationships. D. The techniques. Relationship enrichment takes advantage of four specific techniques. 1. 2. 3. 4. Exercises, each one of which has a specific purpose. A team of facilitators who model or demonstrate each teaching and each exercise. Dialogue, shared in private with one other person as the second step of each exercise (participants have a different partner for each exercise), and The interaction of the group (between the facilitators and the group, between you and your exercise partner, and between all of the members of the group).

E.

The Ground Rules and the Golden Rule. The Ground rules and the Golden rule form the cornerstone of the spiritual environment in which the entire experience of the workshop unfolds. At all times the facilitating team needs to be aware of these and guide the group toward their implementation and fulfillment. Only in this way will the REW accomplish its purpose.

5.

EXERCISE: TRUST WALK (Option: It is suggested that the instructors adjust the schedule if necessary, so that this exercise may be carried out while there is sufficient daylight. It might be used, for example, prior to the beginning of Session I. Then the participants may share the results of their walk at any time, perhaps at the beginning of the evening session. Prior to leaving the meeting room, it is well to divide the group into teams of two, so that partners will already have been chosen for the exercise. For the most part, it would be best for men to be paired with men and women with women. If there is an uneven number of participants, one of the team of facilitators may serve as the missing partner.)

26

By participating in this Basic Training Workshop you are opening yourselves to the possibility of working together as a team in a way which will require more mutual trust than ever before. At times it may seem that we are walking blindly. We are going to take a trust walk. The walk consists in the following. The two persons of each team will take turns closing their eyes and allow their partner to guide them for five minutes. The partner who is leading will help the one who is led to experience as much of their surroundings as possible. At the end of the five minutes, they will change roles. At the close of ten minutes the teams will return to the group. It is best if both partners do not close their eyes at the same time! Throughout the entire experience of the trust walk, each one will look for: 1. 2. 3. A symbol of the relationship you are experiencing right now, A surprise in the relationship, and A satisfaction in the relationship.

The symbol, surprise, and satisfaction may be things that are tangible or intangible. Do not tell your partner what you are choosing as the symbol, surprise, and satisfaction. At the close of the walk these will be revealed to one another and to the group as you process the experience. You are preparing to lead a REW. Try to be the best teammate possible. Are there questions?...Well go outside now, and when we are all assembled I will tell you when to begin the first five minute period. At the end of the walk, when all have returned to the meeting room, the instructors will serve as models and will converse face to face of their experience while the others listen to them. It is important to emphasize the team aspect of the experience and reporting. They will speak of what happened and what the trust walk meant to them in terms of symbols, surprises, and satisfactions. When they finish, they will invite other teams to do the same while the group listens. (A) Trust walk as teams. (B) Share team by team as the rest of the group listens.

REST TIME 6. TEACHING: REFLECTIONS ON THE REW EXPERIENCE A. Getting to know the REW manual, Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations, Volume I. 1. Become familiar with every part of the manual. (a) Note the five sessions and the pages where they are found. (b) Note the introductory sections and the appendices. 2. . Examine how the sessions are organized, using the Global outline of Session II, page 43 (a) Observe the Global outline, approximate minutes and pages. (b) Observe the development of the session: the beginning, the alternating teachings and exercises, the written and oral forms of the exercises, the rest times, and the closing moments. Also read key portions of the Letter to the Reader, pages 9-12 of Vol. I.


B. Dialogue: The five stages of the process (The facilitators may use the following dialog to help clarify the five stages of the process.)

27

The Relationship Enrichment Workshop is a carefully crafted or constituted process. For that reason it is important that the facilitators understand the process, that they be aware of each stage of the process at all times, and that they use it purposefully. Therefore, let us take time now to talk about the five stages of the process of relationship enrichment which are developed throughout the five sessions. (Five stages of the process, REW, pages 5 or 34.) We shall also look at the different activities by which each of the five goals of the process is achieved. 1. Question: What did we do to create a sense of trust and community? (Stage I) Answer: A song of praise, Self-introductions, Congratulations, The schedule, Concerns and celebrations, The origin of relationship enrichment, Four essentials for a happy and healthy single life, The five stages of the process, The ground rules, The personal histories. 2. Question: What was done to evaluate our interpersonal relationships as they are today? (Stage II) Answer: Five characteristics of interpersonal relations as stated in the Great commandment, The personal potential inventory, and Positive aspects of my interpersonal relationships. 3. Question: How did we develop and apply new teachings related to communication skills, the creative use of conflict, and sexuality? (Stage III) Answer: Communication - God and the value of each person, Our gifts, Communication and biblical principles, The use of biblical principles, The importance of communication, Sharing our feelings, The Communication cycle, How to express oneself, How to listen to one another, How to complete the Communication cycle, Practicing the Communication cycle, The Communication rainbow, The use of the Communication rainbow, the 10 and 10, Men and women of equal value in Gods sight, Do I really know myself?, Preparing an action plan, Bridges for effective communication, Sharing with others. Answer: The creative use of conflict - Anger and biblical principles, The use of biblical principles, Conflicts, The creative use of conflict, Inadequate methods for processing anger, When I am angry, How to process anger and resolve conflict, Subject to Christ and to one another, Valuing and respecting one another, How do I resolve disagreements?, Coping with conflict constructively, Commitments for the creative use of conflict. Answer: Sexuality - A new model for understanding sexuality, Giving thanks for the body God has given me, A response to the sexuality questions. 4. Question: How was the growth plan developed? (Stage IV) Answer: The parable of the talents, Planning for growth, Where do we go from here? 5. Question: How did we close the workshop? (Stage V) Answer: Worship service, Prayer for inner healing, Holy communion, How to invite other singles to a future workshop, Evaluation of the REW, Final moments.

28 The double development of the five stages of the process (Use teaching chart The double development of the five stages, page 102) 1.

When one is planning a REW, it is important to keep in mind that the development of the five stages of the process in the workshop is two-fold: (a) There is the movement of the five stages from the beginning until the conclusion. Session I emphasizes Stages I and II. Sessions II, III, and IV emphasize Stage III. Session V emphasizes Stages IV and V. (b) There is the unfolding of the five stages within each session. For example, each session includes: Reestablishing a sense of security and community (Stage I), Self-evaluation to motivate participants toward greater growth (Stage II), Teaching of the preventive principles and their application (Stage III), Growth plan to help persons to take steps to incorporate the teachings in their interpersonal relationships (Stage IV), and Closure and celebration (Stage V) (c) How is this accomplished? Each session begins with praise, concerns, and the schedule (Stage I) Each session includes teachings (Stage III) Each session has concluding moments (Stage V) The majority of the exercises begin with an opportunity for self-evaluation (Stage II) and end with a growth plan (Stage IV). (Take time now to look at some of the exercises in Appendix B of the REW - Volume I.)

2.

The instructors will invite all to turn to the Global outline of Session II of the REW and with the participants will examine each point of the outline to determine which stage of the process each activity represents.

D.

Transitions 1. We want to emphasize the importance of transitions between the segments of each session. Clear transitions keep the links of the chain connected. A facilitator makes a transition by: (a) Connecting the words of a participant with the theme to be explored, that is, with the theme of the following segment; or (b) Declaring the purpose of the teaching or exercise that follows, thus directing the attention of the group forward; or (c) Reading aloud the title, purpose, and content of each exercise before beginning to execute it.

7.

DRAMAS: CONFLICTS The facilitators will divide the group into teams of two, and each team will be invited to prepare (in 5 minutes) a drama of some conflictive situation and to present it to the group at this time. These, and the other dramas the participants will present, may or may not be based on their own experience. The purpose is simply to define briefly an action or attitude.........Afterwards, invite volunteers to share with the group, responding to the question: What was the primary emotion you felt behind the anger/conflict?


8. TEACHING: GIVING COUNSEL OR SHARING PREVENTIVE PRINCIPLES

29

Frequently persons speak of counseling or giving advice to persons who want to improve or grow in their interpersonal relationships. To give advice (the medical model) is perfectly appropriate when one is ill and needs an expert. But it is not the most appropriate method for the area of human relations. In the mind of many, counseling or giving advice means (point to Giving counsel chart): A. Giving medical counsel 1. It is vertical (the medical model) (a) The expert to the patient (b) The healthy to the sick (c) The counselor to the counseled (d) It is authoritarian 2. It foments/encourages (when applied to human relations): (a) Dependence and at times resentment (b) Feelings of superiority and inferiority (c) Another tells me what I should do (d) Another is responsible for my life It is a solution for one situation: (a) The patient returns for more counsel

3.

In contrast, relationship enrichment employs a very different philosophy to guide persons to take positive steps to transform or bring about change in their lives and relationships. It gives power to the individual. It is the concept of sharing preventive principles (point to the chart Sharing preventive principles): B. Sharing preventive principles 1. It is horizontal: (a) Between equals who express themselves and listen to each other (b) Who are growing (c) Who share their experiences (not theories or opinions) (d) There is mutual respect; (e) The process is freeing 2. It foments/encourages: (a) Independence and self-reliance (b) Egalitarian spirit and relationships (c) Self-determination and creativity (d) Taking responsibility for oneself It is a process applicable by the person to many situations: (a) It is the methodology of Jesus (the teacher who was always training his disciples). One might say that Jesus instructed his disciples as a group in preventive workshops. How many times he led them apart to the mountains or he taught them at home alone! (See Mark 4:10; 6:31.) As a group he taught them the preventive principles, which they immediately practiced in their interpersonal relations and with the multitude. By teaching his most intimate group in a workshop the Lord not only made most efficient

3.

30

use of the time, but he also took advantage of the group dynamics to help them learn, implement, and internalize the principles. The supreme model for every counselor! The Relationship Enrichment Workshops seek to employ the process, methodology, and techniques of our Lord. (b) Jesus taught principles which every person could implement. The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) is a series of principles which teach his followers how to live the kingdom life. The Lords prayer (Luke 11:2-4) is a series of principles about how to pray. For some time the disciples had been observing Jesus. They knew that he frequently rose before sunrise to go apart and pray. At times he spent the entire night in communion with his Father. He returned from these experiences full of the power of the Holy Spirit. At last, very hungry and needy, they asked Jesus, Teach us to pray. Jesus responded, When you pray, say ......... (c) To share biblical and preventive principles and to listen profoundly to another as Jesus did enables the seeker to discover the answer to his/her questions or challenges for him/herself, Gods direction for his/her life. Read John 6:5-10 (Philip); John 4:16-18 (the Samaritan woman); Luke 10:25-27 (an interpreter of the law); John 4:47-50 (the nobles son); John 8:7-9 (the woman caught in adultery); John 9:35-38 (the man born blind). The question or comment which Jesus offers to each person only serves to foster that persons self-determination, self-responsibility. Have you noticed how often Jesus uses the color purple in his conversations with people? Frequently in Jesus interchange with a person there is a key moment of examination, a testing of faith to reveal the secrets of the heart of the inquirer. This may also be seen in Luke 18:20-24 (the rich young ruler); Matthew 15:21-28 (the Canaanite woman); John 11:38-44 (Martha); Mark 8:27-30 (Peter); Mark 9:21-24 (the father of the epileptic boy). Note that Jesus words to the rich young ruler were neither a word of counsel nor just for him alone, but rather they referred to the 10th commandment (you shall not covet), the commandment the young man was breaking, and the repetition of a Kingdom principle which Jesus had already laid down for all of his disciples on an earlier occasion: Sell your possessions and give to the poor... (Luke 12:33-34). This commandment and principle helped the rich young man (as well as all of Jesus disciples) to discover what was in his heart. (d) The parables are stories of daily life which frame or encompass preventive principles. Let us read Mark 4:33-34 and Luke 12:13-21 together. A man from among the multitude asked Jesus for a word of counsel for his brother (12:13). Jesus refused to tell the brother what to do (12:14). He said, No, thanks. I dont give advice. Instead, as teacher and counselor he responded to the deeper need of the questioner. He shared with him a principle about greed (12:15). The parable of the rich man which follows illustrates the same principle (12:16-21). Thus Jesus underlined our personal responsibility before God. (e) Sometimes persons ask, How can we understand those Bible passages which speak of the value of giving or receiving counsel? For example, Proverbs 11:14 says, In an abundance of counselors there is safety. And Proverbs 15:22 says, Without counsel, plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed. These two passages refer to the wisdom which is shared in a democratic manner. In contrast, in Isaiah 9:6 the prophet speaks of the Son whom God will send: He is named Wonderful Counselor... It is clear that in scripture the word counselor is used in different

31 ways. Therefore, since the fulness of Fathers self-revelation came through the Son, our primary challenge is to observe and discover the significance that Jesus gave to this word. As the divine Counselor, Jesus counseling style was to share preventive principles. (f) In general, Jesus took our human vocabulary and infused it with his own original and eternal meaning, filling all words with the values of the Kingdom of God. We remember that Jesus said, You have heard that it was said, but I say to you... (Matthew 5:21, 27, 31, 33, 38; Colossians 1:15-20). Jesus redefined, revealed the true, genuine, profound significance of family, father, mother, child, marriage, light, salt, bread, truth, son/daughter of God, Jew, gentile, brother, the Kingdom of God, master, slave, servant, friend, enemy, love, neighbor, Messiah, forgiveness, cross, death, birth, sight, blindness, life, happiness, resurrection, salvation, obedience, etc.

(g) Jesus did this also with the words counsel and counselor (Matthew 5:17). He returned to the word counselor its original meaning which God held in his heart from before the beginning of time. When we study the gospels we can observe that Jesus, the divine Counselor, refused to give counsel in such a way as to tell another what he/she should do. Rather, he listened carefully and deeply to each individual, shared with that person a universal, preventive principle applicable to that situation, and then tenderly, unwaveringly, declared each person responsible for his or her decisions and acts before God in light of that principle. What Jesus restored was his Fathers perfect plan for giving counsel. Counseling, instead of advice giving, meant sensitively sharing the preventive principles of the Kingdom and recognizing that before God each person must be accountable for choices freely made. Thus, for Jesus the whole form, method, concept and way of doing counseling was key. Jesus, in informed, life-giving love, chose to share these eternal preventive principles with all people, and to leave the answer, the human response to Fathers amazing love, in the heart and hands of each person. Yes. The decision to let the bird fly is forever in our hands... 9. CLOSING PRAYER

32

THEN HE SAID TO HIS DISCIPLES, THE HARVEST IS PLENTIFUL, BUT THE LABORERS ARE FEW; PRAY THEREFORE THE LORD OF THE HARVEST TO SEND OUT LABORERS UNTO HIS HARVEST.

Matthew 9:37


THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles)

33

GLOBAL OUTLINE

SESSION II (four hours) Min. Page 20 1. Song of praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 Concerns and celebrations Outline for the session 10 2. Teaching: Aspects of leadership . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 20 3. Exercise: Qualities and abilities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 10 4. Teaching: Aspects of leadership . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 45 5. Dramas: The Communication rainbow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 25 25 10 14 60 1 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Rest time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Dramas: The Communication rainbow (continued) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Teaching: The use of exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Teaching: Challenges in the group . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dramas: Four inadequate methods . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Closing prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 38 40 42 42

It is suggested that the following charts be prepared beforehand and hung in the meeting room: The same charts and preparation as for Session 1, BTW. See page 20.

34

ASK, AND IT WILL BE GIVEN YOU; SEEK, AND YOU WILL FIND; KNOCK, AND IT WILL BE OPENED TO YOU.

FOR EVERYONE WHO ASKS, RECEIVES. AND HE WHO SEEKS, FINDS, AND TO HIM WHO KNOCKS IT WILL BE OPENED.

Matthew 7:7-8


SESSION II

35

1.

SONG OF PRAISE Let us stand and praise our God singing _________. Concerns and celebrations, with prayer Has anyone come with a concern or celebration? After sharing them we will bring them to God. Outline for the session The schedule for this session is...

2. TEACHING: ASPECTS OF LEADERSHIP (A-D)1 A. You as facilitators. 1. Your first words will present you as a team of participating facilitators. We do not come as experts, but rather as a team of participating facilitators, who wish to share our lives with you. At the same time that we are sharing with you some of the principles that we have found meaningful, well be working side by side with you to continue to grow in our interpersonal relationships. 2. Together, as a team of facilitators, you will carefully plan and then initiate the relationship enrichment process.

B.

As facilitators, the following qualities will be useful to you. Although no one possesses all of them, each of us can seek to grow in these areas: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Faith in God and in the process to be elaborated (Hebrews 11:1). Love for and readiness to serve others (1 John 4:7). Physical, emotional, and spiritual energy and a desire to focus that energy and enthusiasm in the group process (1 Peter 1:13). A spirit of adventure with an openness to new experiences and perspectives different from your own (Joshua 1:9). A disposition to grow in your own use of the preventive principles (James 1:22). A strong sense of humor ( Luke 6:21, 23). A healthy sense of your personal value and of Gods purpose in your life (1 John 4:4). Flexibility and tranquility in the face of challenges in the group (Matthew 11:28-30). Openness to share your life in appropriate ways (Mark 5:19).

Adapted and used with permission. Basic Training Workshop Participant Guide and Resource Manual, edited by Phyllis and Rand Michael, A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108. We highly recommend the purchase of this resource.

36 10. Courage to be vulnerable, to confess errors, to risk (Luke 18:13-14). 11. Creativity (Genesis 1:27). 12. All of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). C Abilities the facilitators need are the ability to: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. D.

Plan, prepare, and practice teaching together. Share equal leadership with your partner and demonstrate the preventive principles in your leadership style. Create and present well-focused sketches with your teammate to illustrate the teachings. Create attractive teaching charts and use them effectively. Make and carry out plans with the local coordinators.

You and your partner will develop your own special style of leadership. You are unique as a team. No one else will ever have your special touch! Individually and as a team you will have a distinct and meaningful contribution to make to those present. 1. Your desire to be facilitators is indication of your sense of mission. This is your opportunity to help other singles also to develop their unique potential. Some of your most delightful hours as a team will come from your work as facilitators of relationship enrichment experiences. Yours will be the privilege of helping other singles to: Celebrate their relationships Communicate with greater effectiveness Use conflict creatively Flower as individuals and as a group Some of your most difficult hours as a team will come through your work as you learn to be more evenly yoked and to honor one another in all aspects of leadership. (a) When you feel encouraged, celebrate your accomplishments! (b) When you feel frustrated, use your communication and creative use of conflict skills to grow as persons, and then celebrate. (c) Celebrate because you are growing in your relationship and your efficacy as a team. Celebrate because you are committed to fulfill Christs call upon your lives, to help other singles and their families to grow in their love for one another. Why do these testings, these challenges, come? (a) Because you have different gifts and personalities; (b) Because your expectations are different; (c) Because you are both learning to live the principles. How can you become an effective team? (a) Always ask God to guide and unite you in this work. (b) Your relationship is composed of two individuals, each one very distinct from the other, both in your being and in your style of living and leading. Therefore, it is important to grow in your mutual appreciation and affirmation of one another. Learn to use your differences creatively. Seek always to share leadership equally. (c) Your individual style is unique and necessary. The participants need you just as you are. Being yourself is a gift for everyone present.

2.

3.

4.

5.

37 (d) Your partners style is also unique and necessary. Some participants will be especially blessed by his/her leadership. (e) It is powerful and encouraging when, at any time, the facilitator who is not speaking is interceding for the one who is leading. (f) Never criticize or seek to control the other in the group. Instead, when you are alone, carefully and sensitively evaluate what you have accomplished together, emphasizing the positive.

3.

EXERCISE: QUALITIES AND ABILITIES (Pass out a half-sheet of paper to each participant.) We have talked about personal qualities that will be useful and abilities which facilitators need to guide a REW. For this exercise you may refer to the lists found on pages 35-36. We invite you now to write on your paper Qualities and abilities I bring to leadership and then jot down: 1. Qualities and abilities you believe you bring to the leadership. (A) Prepare individually. (B) Voluntarily share in the group while the rest listen. Each person will have 1 minutes to say Some of the qualities that I bring to the leadership are... This is a wonderful opportunity to thank God for the person you are and to affirm yourself and one another. It would be healthy if after hearing the reading of each list, the group might verbally affirm each reader.

4.

TEACHING: ASPECTS OF LEADERSHIP (E-F)1 E. Here are some standards to guide every facilitator. 1. Before the workshop the teammates will communicate profoundly and plan specifically how to make the maximum use of the talents of each one. During the workshop they will mutually affirm one another at all times. During moments of rest times they will communicate what they are feeling and evaluate how they are doing as a team. After the workshop they will take time to evaluate the experience, reflect on their participation as individuals and as a team, but never in a spirit of criticism. Rather, together they will ask: What went well? Why? What could have been more effective? How can we do this better, as individuals and as a team? What were the special gifts each one brought to the process? Ask for an evaluation from the participants. Take advantage of their comments as you plan your next workshop.

2.

3.

4.

Adapted and used with permission, Basic Training Workshop Participant Guide and Resource Manual, edited by Phyllis and Rand Michael, A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

38 5.

Maintain a balance of leadership with your teammate. If there are errors or challenges in a session, be open with the group, but share only those things which concern the group, laugh at yourselves, and model two individuals who are growing in their interpersonal relationships.

F.

As you plan the workshop, consider carefully: 1. What each leader expects in regard to: yourself, your partner, the schedule, the delegation of responsibilities, the participants, the group process, goals for the workshop. Employ the preventive principles during these hours of planning. When everything is ready and you have decided who will be responsible for each segment of the sessions, rejoice! Give thanks to God. Expect that the Lord will be with you and will guide you every moment, and that each participant will be greatly blessed during the event. What emerges will be the fruit of the dynamic process of relationship enrichment, your leadership as individuals and as a team, and the work of the Holy Spirit. Are there comments/questions?

2.

5.

DRAMAS: THE COMMUNICATION RAINBOW Divide the group again into teams for this activity. Each team is invited to take 10 minutes to prepare the series of 6 dramas developed for the Communication rainbow and then present them to the group. We suggest that each team choose one theme for this series of dramas and that they develop it sequentially. These dramas may or may not be based on the participants own experience. The purpose is simply to define briefly an action or attitude....... Afterwards, invite volunteers to share with the group, beginning with the phrase, I discovered....

REST TIME 5. 6. DRAMAS: THE COMMUNICATION RAINBOW (continued) TEACHING: THE USE OF EXERCISES1 A. In order to fulfill the goal of relationship enrichment, a process which combines the transformation of attitudes and behavior, it is important to offer to participants ample opportunity to experience new models for acting and relating to one another, models that include hearing, seeing, and doing. The result will be increased satisfaction in interpersonal relations. The four gospels report that time and again Jesus emphasized the importance of hearing, seeing, and doing for his would-be followers. Step 1: Hearing Change begins with hearing a superior teaching. When Jesus proclaimed the good news, he often said, Let anyone with ears listen! (See Matthew 11:15.) In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says five times, You have heard that it was said...but I say to you... (Matthew 5:21,27,33,38,43). Participants will hear significant new teachings during the workshop.

B.

Ibid. Based on a concept presented in the Basic Training Workshop Participant Guide and Resource Manual.

39 Step 2: Seeing But listeners begin to be convinced when they see the preventive principles modeled by their facilitators. So it was with Jesus. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all report that when the people saw Jesus heal the sick, They were filled with awe and glorified God, who had given such authority to human beings (Matthew 9:8; Mark 2:12; Luke 5:26). When Peter saw the miraculous catch of fish, he exclaimed, Go away from me, Lord , for I am a sinful man (Luke 5:8). Matthew writes again, The crowd was amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the maimed whole, the lame walking, and the blind seeing, and they praised the God of Israel (Matthew 15:31). Teaching must be followed by authentic modeling. Step 3: Doing Transformation begins with hearing and seeing the new principles as they are being enunciated and modeled. But that alone is insufficient. Unless the hearers and observers practice the new life, the principles remain ineffective. Jesus placed great emphasis on doing. He began with doing his Fathers works himself. In John 5:19 he says, The Son can do nothing on his own, but only what he sees the Father doing. And in 8:29 he reiterates, I do nothing on my own...I always do what is pleasing to (Father)...For I have come down from heaven not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me (John 6:38). Jesus himself was a doer of his Fathers will. Throughout the whole Sermon on the Mount Jesus emphasizes the need for a change of both attitudes and behavior. He said, Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). In 7:19 Jesus declares, Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Jesus closes the Sermon on the Mount with the parable of the two foundations saying, Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock (Matthew 7:24). Not to act on Jesus teaching is like building ones house on shifting sand. During the final hours of life with the disciples in the upper room, Jesus underlines again and again, If you love me you will keep my commandments.(John 14:15) Those who love me keep my word (14:23). I do as the Father has commanded me (14:31). Doing leads to transformation. So, too, it is with the preventive principles. Only by practicing them in the workshop and at home do they become ours. The time the participants spend on the exercises during the REW is the third and definitive step toward improving their interpersonal relationships. This is why these experiences are not seminars, but workshops.

C.

Criteria for selecting and creating exercises:1 Exercises vary a great deal in their purpose, in the type of person for whom they are designed, and in their efficacy. We want to prepare and encourage you to create new exercises that fulfill the following guidelines, cultivate self-evaluation and personal growth, and foment a feeling of security, accomplishment and hope among the participants. You may consider the following criteria for choosing and/or creating those exercises which encourage personal and relational growth in the Growth groups you will hope to promote: 1. 2. 3. 4.
1

Avoid exercises which produce a sense of competition or anxiety. Avoid exercises that are complex or lengthy. Choose exercises focused toward interpersonal relations. Choose or create exercises focused toward the specific teaching you want to practice. For

Adapted and used with permission from Basic Training Workshop Participant Guide and Resource Manual, edited by Phyllis and Rand Michael, A.C.M.E., P,O, Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

40

example, (a) formulate questions that first help each person to evaluate him/herself in relation to the teaching (Stage II), and (b) end with a question or questions which lead toward a growth plan (Stage IV). When you apply these guidelines, it is easy and fun!

7.

TEACHING: CHALLENGES IN THE GROUP1 In general, if a person ignores or breaks one of the ground rules of the workshop, it is sufficient simply to call his/her attention to the corresponding rule in order to direct the group forward. But, what does one do when a conflict or a challenge arises in the group between participants? Such a challenge or conflict can divert the group from the goal of personal and relational growth. One night some time ago during the sharing of concerns and celebrations a young woman began to cry. She said, When I returned to my room last night, I found all of my clothes heaped on top of my bed. When my roommate and her friends arrived later, and I asked what had happened, she said she was sick and tired of my taking more than my share of the closet space. Well, I am tired of her taking so much time in the bathroom and using all of the hot water for the shower. I dont know what to do. I dont feel at home anymore. What were we to do? The eyes of every participant were focused on the young woman and her roommate. Everyone was unnerved. That is why it is important to dedicate time to resolving such a challenge, without allowing it to change the direction of the group. Here is the first principle: What occurs in the group should be processed in the group. A. As leaders, we can first act as Listeners, using the Communication cycle. 1. Pay attention in order to hear the concern. Consult with those involved in order to understand exactly what they are thinking, feeling, or desiring. This consultation initiates the process of calming emotions. Restate or paraphrase what has been expressed with words such as: Let me see if I understood you correctly. I believe I heard... Inquire: Is that correct? Encourage the persons and thank them for their courage and honesty in front of the group.

2.

3. 4.

B.

Acknowledge the concerns expressed. At this moment it is helpful to do two things: 1. Redefine the area of conflict. Call it a concern and describe it in positive terms. We seriously suggest that we eliminate the word problem from our vocabulary because it tends to have vertical and negative implications. Instead, let us use concern or challenge. Define the challenge in terms common to all. It is in this moment that we may ask the Holy Spirit to help us perceive or discern the commonality of the concern expressed. For

2.

Ibid. Adapted and expanded, p. 70.

41 example, if, as in the experience we described, both persons have been hurt because of an unresolved conflict in a living situation, a facilitator may respond, The two of you seem to have different values and expectations in regard to how to share your living space. Thats a common area of concern for most roommates. The group begins to own the concern and to identify with the two persons in conflict.

C.

Your next action might include one or more of 4 possibilities: 1. The facilitators share from their own experience a similar challenge in form of a dialogue. They may begin by saying that whenever two people try to share the same living space, there will be challenges, because we are each different. The facilitators sit face to face and, using the Communication cycle, in two or three exchanges they talk about how they have each experienced a similar challenge in their living situation concerning expectations and values. This begins to divert the groups attention away from the two persons in conflict and to transfer it to the leaders. They need not resolve anything, but simply identify with the persons in conflict. Now where are the eyes of the group? Yes, on the facilitators. 2. Secondly, the facilitators may also invite two or three volunteers from the circle who have or have had a similar experience to share briefly their challenge. This further allows the group to identify with or to own the concern. One of the leaders may say, Are there others who have struggled or who are struggling with this same challenge of how to accommodate the needs and desires of each roommate (whether with a sibling from childhood, youth, or at present)? Yes? Who would just like to identify with the challenge in question by making an <I statement>? What is your experience? Where are the eyes of the group now? Yes, on the persons who volunteer to share. In a short time we have taken the attention away from the two in conflict and become co-owners of the concern. The group relaxes more with each step of the process. If the group has already studied the Communication cycle and the creative use of conflict, the facilitators may remind the group of these and invite the two in conflict to employ these skills to work through their conflict, now or later. Or, if these have not yet been presented, the facilitators may say that soon we shall learn these practical skills. Then, if it seems appropriate, you may pray together and go forward with the schedule. Use the alter-ego method, demonstrating how the Communication cycle and the creative use of conflict may be applied to the present situation or conversation. The two facilitators sit on either side of the couple in conflict and seek to restate their specific concerns as expressed by the two persons. For example, one of the facilitators may begin by saying: The two of you seem to have important thoughts and feelings in regard to this subject. At such times it is easy to enter into conflict. We would like to demonstrate how the Communication cycle and the creative use of conflict can help us in such moments. Would you allow us for a moment to pretend that we are you?...Thank you... The two facilitators sit beside the two in conflict and express their thoughts and feelings, but now using the Communication cycle and the guidelines for the creative use of conflict. One of the facilitators is the alter-ego for one of the two in conflict and the teammate is the alter-ego for the other. For example, one of the facilitators may begin their alter-ego dialogue by saying: We seem to be in conflict. I want to listen to you. Then the two of them may apply the four guidelines that are used in the moment of conflict.

3.

4.

42 a. b. c. d. I am beginning to feel angry. Help me to process the anger. Find the primary emotion, share it, listen to one another. Forgive one another: Will you please forgive me? I forgive you.

Next, the facilitators may briefly explore the four options for resolution. When they finish, one of them may ask of the two who were in conflict, What do you think? Do you think that the use of these principles can help us all to communicate better and to use conflict creatively?...This seems to be an important challenge/concern for you. Would you like to continue your conversation later? Before going forward with the group process, reaffirm the two involved and the entire group with words such as: You have done good work. Then go forward with the schedule as planned or take a rest time. If it seems advisable, the latter choice would allow the facilitators to converse privately with the persons in conflict. Thus the intervention is completed and the group has advanced toward the goal of spiritual and relational growth. The all-encompassing purpose of these techniques is to help us bear one anothers burdens, and in this way...fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2). It is suggested that the facilitators and/or facilitators in training (Advanced Training Workshop, Level III) demonstrate the alter-ego method to the group. 8. DRAMAS: FOUR INADEQUATE METHODS After dividing the group into new teams for this exercise, the facilitators will invite all of the pairs to take 10 minutes to prepare the series of 4 dramas of Four inadequate methods and then present them to the other participants. We suggest that each team choose their own theme for this series of dramas and that they develop it sequentially.....Afterwards, invite volunteers to share with the group, beginning with the phrase, I discovered.... 9. CLOSING PRAYER


THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles)

43

GLOBAL OUTLINE

Session III (four hours) Min. 19 1. Page A song of praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Concerns and celebrations, prayer Outline for the session Appendices of the BTW for Singles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Dramas: Four adequate options for resolving disagreements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Teaching: Preparing the practices for leadership . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 A. How to prepare the practices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 List of themes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 Rest time B. Schedule for the presentation of the practices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C. How to present the practice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . D. Guidelines for evaluating every presenter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E. Reflections . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Exercise: The teams begin to prepare the teaching charts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Closing prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49 49 50 52 52 53

20 60 25

2. 3. 4.

20 5 5 20 60 1 5. 6.

It is suggested that the facilitators prepare beforehand on a large sheet of paper and bring ready to hang in the meeting room the following teaching chart with the key points of: 1. Schedule: Presentation of the practice

44

THEREFORE, I TELL YOU, DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU SHALL EAT OR WHAT YOU SHALL DRINK, NOR ABOUT YOUR BODY, WHAT YOU SHALL PUT ON....

LOOK AT THE BIRDS OF THE AIR: THEY NEITHER SOW NOR REAP NOR GATHER INTO BARNS, AND YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM. ARE YOU NOT OF MORE VALUE THAN THEY?

Matthew 6:25-26

45

SESSION III

1.

A SONG OF PRAISE Let us stand and praise God singing... Concerns and celebrations, with prayer Has anyone come with a concern or celebration? After sharing these, well bring them before God. Outline for the session The schedule for this session is...

2.

APPENDICES OF THE BTW for Singles (Turn to these now, pages 75-103) A. Forms and exercises B. Guide for Growth groups As we have said before, the REW is just a beginning, nothing more. It requires time and much practice to improve habits of communication and to use conflict creatively. When we want to continue to grow in our interpersonal relationships, a Growth group is indispensable. As facilitators we can guide participants to form or to become a part of a Growth group. In Appendix B Guide for Growth Groups you will find some ideas as to how to create these groups. I invite you to find Appendix B, page 89, now. Later you may study it in detail, as you need this information. (Together look at it briefly and answer questions.) C. Making finances fun D. Special ceremonies E. Teaching charts for the BTW for Singles

3.

DRAMAS: FOUR ADEQUATE OPTIONS FOR RESOLVING DISAGREEMENTS Once again the facilitators will divide the group into new teams for the preparation and presentation of this series of dramas. Each team is invited to take 10 minutes to prepare the series of 4 dramas of the Four adequate options for resolving disagreements and then present them to the group. We suggest that each team choose one theme for this series of dramas and that they develop it sequentially........... Afterwards, invite volunteers to share with the group, beginning with the phrase, I discovered....

46 4. TEACHING: PREPARING THE PRACTICES FOR LEADERSHIP1

For this teaching it will be necessary to use the two volumes of this set of books. Volume I contains the REW: the workshop which you have experienced and are going to lead. Volume II contains the directions: how you are going to prepare and lead the REW. We will have a maximum of four hours to present these practices. We have discovered that it is most profitable to do the practices by teams. That means that all of you as participants will now be divided into four work teams to prepare and present the practices. (If you have not done so previously, please choose these teams for the practices now, then continue.) If the participating singles live in the same city or if they will be giving the workshops as outreach teams, this is excellent preparation. If the participants come from different cities or regions, it will still be helpful to them to have this experience of teamwork. Hopefully, they will train other facilitators in their area so that together they may soon work as a team. As a part of the BTW each team of persons chooses, prepares, and together presents a segment of the REW to the rest of their companions, with the team members participating equally in each aspect of the practice. A. How to prepare the practice You do not have to create any teaching, but only use well the materials in this text. Rather, when in the future you present the workshop to others, you are invited to use your creativity in the dramas, in sharing your personal experiences in appropriate ways, and by preparing the teaching charts artistically so that they facilitate the development of the five stages of the process. 1. First, as a team think about one of the teachings of the preventive principles that has impacted your lives in a special way. Together choose one of the three themes of Stage III of the REW: Good communication (Sessions II and III) The creative use of conflict (Sessions III and IV) Sexuality (Session IV). Please choose one of these three themes now. (Note: remember that five sessions indicates the number of meetings that compose the REW. Five stages describes the process that the participants experience. The segments, identified in each Global outline by the Arabic numbers indicate the specific activities carried out during the workshop in order to complete each stage during the five sessions.) 2. Having decided which of the preventive principles you want to teach: (a) Find it in the following List of themes for the practices, found on page 47. The Roman numerals of the list correspond to the numbers of the sessions and the Arabic numbers correspond to the segments found in the Global outline of each session of the REW, Vol. I of this set of books: A segment is any point, teaching, activity of the session. For example, in Session II of the REW the Global outline has 19 segments.

This concept is from A.C.M.E. The development is from APEMAL/REAPP.


(b) Next, from the List of themes choose one of the five specific themes (of 30 minutes) that you would like to present. This should include approximately 15 minutes of teaching and 15 minutes of exercise. It may be necessary for the team to adjust the time suggested in the manual for each teaching and exercise so that these come within the time frame for the practice. (c) In the sessions the exercise will be used to practice the preventive principle just explained.

47

Please choose one of the five themes now, and with a pencil mark the suggested segments in the corresponding Global Outline of the REW, Vol. I. LIST OF THEMES FOR THE PRACTICES (1) Session II: Teaching: Communication, How to express oneself, segments 8 and 9. Exercise: segment 10. (See Global outline, Vol. I, page 43.) (2) Session II: Teaching: Communication, How to listen, segments 11 and 12. Exercise: segment 13. Omit Guidelines for Dialogue. (See Global outline, Vol. I, page 43.) (3) Session III: Teaching: Conflict, The Affection-anger cycle, segment 4. Exercise: segment: 6. (See Global outline, Vol. I, page 68.) (4) Session III: Teaching: Conflict, How to process anger, segment 7, Intro, A.1 and 2 (See Global outline, Vol. I, p. 70.) Exercise: Conflict, segment 4 of Session IV. (See Global outline, Vol. I, page 68.) (5) Session IV: Teaching: Sexuality, A new model..., segment 1. Exercise: segment 2. (See Global outline, Vol. I, page 91.) We suggest that you make the following adjustments/changes in the exercise to facilitate the presentation of your practices: (1) In the exercise for Expressing oneself (Session II, segment 10) it would be well to use a different subject for the practice. Also, request that all participants come to the practice session with the Communication Cycle in their hands. (2) In the exercise for Listening to others (Session II, segment 13) it would also be interesting to use a different subject for the practice. Also, request that all participants come to Session V for the presentation of the practices with the Communication Cycle (handout in the sheet protector) in their hands. (3) In order to carry out the exercise When I am angry (Session III, segment 6) it is suggested that you do it exactly as directed in the manual, but that you adjust the minutes in this way: 3 minutes to explain it, 8 minutes for the dialogue between participants (2 minutes per topic) and 4 minutes to share with the whole group, a total of 15 minutes. (4) In the workshop this exercise actually follows the teaching on Resolving the disagreement. Ask all participants to bring their handout on anger (in the sheet protector) to the presentation of the practices, Session V. (5) In the exercise for sexuality, it is suggested that the team create a new exercise on sexuality, following the guidelines taught in the BTW.

48

Note for the instructors: You may use the form for BTW Practices (Form N1, Appendix A, BTW, page 77) to write down in detail each theme chosen by the teams for their practices from the List of themes. 3. Getting ready to teach: Preparing the teaching charts. Before you begin to prepare your teaching charts, please carefully read Vol. I, Appendix C, page 161, Suggestions for the preparation of the charts. Do that now as a group. (a) Prepare the guideline charts of 4 cm. and 5 cm. described in Appendix C of the REW. The use of these for the preparation of the other charts will save a great deal of time. (b) Prepare two teaching charts: (Note: When participants work in teams, instructors may assign more charts so that every person (or team of 2) prepares at least 1 teaching chart.) (1) On a large sheet of paper copy the Ground Rules of the workshop of 4 hours. Simply copy the chart presented during the workshop, Appendix C of the REW. (Note: We have used the term Global outline in the text of the REW and Schedule for the abbreviated form of the Global outline for the teaching charts, Appendix C. In this sense the terms are interchangeable.) (2) On the second large sheet of paper prepare the teaching chart (or charts) that illustrates the teaching you have chosen to present. Turn to the list of charts at the end of the Global outline of the session where your practice segment is found, and then turn to Appendix C of the REW and copy it in detail. 4. In regard to the exercise you will use, you may employ the written or the oral form of the exercise. Simply follow exactly the instructions in the manual. When preparing the practice of 40 minutes (Section B. Schedule for the presentation of the practices below), think about how you will explain the five stages of the process of relationship enrichment as a part of your presentation of the Schedule (2.5 min.) and how to include the same five stages of the process in the development of the chosen segment (37.5 min.). You may prepare for yourselves, ready to hold in your hand or have near you, an outline of the way you plan to use the 40 minutes of your practice. When your hand-held outline and the teaching charts are ready, decide which of you will present each part of the practice, taking equal part. For example, as you prepare the practice, choose who will read each paragraph of the teaching, who will lead each part of the exercise, and who will guide each part of the five stages of the process. It would be helpful for you each to write your initials with pencil in the margins of the manual beside the paragraphs you are to read. Then practice everything you have planned. REST TIME

5.

6.

7.


B. Schedule for the presentation of the practices (point to the chart):

49

5.0 min. Stage I 2.5 min. Explain the Schedule for the session you have chosen (II, III, or IV). Point out the 5 stages of the process that would be taught in a 4 hour session. 30.0 min. 15 min. of Teaching: Stage III 15 min. of Exercise: Stages II and IV, divided approximately: 3 min. introduce and explain the exercise 4 min. prepare individually 4 min. share between participants 4 min. share with the whole group 2.5 min. Stage V 40.0 min. Note: If you choose the oral form of the exercise, the times for prepare individually and share between participants are combined (8 minutes). The remaining 4 minutes are for sharing with the whole group. C. How to present the practice 1. You will present your practice to your fellow participants of the BTW and who will also be presenting their practices. You will each present your practice as though leading a future workshop, and the rest of the group will respond as though they were the participants of that workshop. Each team will have fifty-five minutes to present their practice and receive their evaluation. The time will be divided as follows: (a) Introduce the segment (Stage I), 5.0 minutes. Make use of any of a variety of Stage I activities. (b) Secondly, present the total Schedule of 4 hours that corresponds to the segment you have chosen, using the chart you prepared, 2.5 minutes. In your presentation and explanation indicate the order of activities and how the five stages of the relationship enrichment process would be fulfilled during that session. (This explanation of the 5 stages of the process is done only during this practice and not regularly during a REW.) (c) Guide the group through the segment you planned, using the second chart and handouts you prepared for the exercise, 30 minutes: lead it (Stages II, III, and IV), demonstrating your understanding of the process of relationship enrichment. Use approximately 15 minutes for the teaching (Stage III), 15 minutes for the exercise (Stages II and IV). (d) Close your practice with prayer, a song, thanks, or a transition, (Stage V), 2.5 minutes. (e) As the presenting team, you may use 5 minutes for a self-evaluation of your practice. (f) Finally, the group and the instructors will share their thoughts (10 minutes).

2.

50 D. The guidelines for evaluating every presenter will be as follows: 1. Teammates work together in the preparation and presentation of both the practice and workshops. Always arrive before the appointed time in order to be sure that the meeting room is prepared, to welcome the participants as they arrive, and to begin on time. Their leadership as individuals and their relation as a team: (a) Expressions of appreciation between team members. (b) Valuing one another, being sensitive to one another. Leadership alternated frequently: (a) Horizontal (sit to teach), (b) Open to share their lives in appropriate ways, (c) Be positive and cordial to all. Use of time within the projected schedule. Attractive teaching charts: (a) Bright, strong colors, (b) Letters readable from a distance, (c) Lines evenly spaced. Effective use of the charts, making appropriate reference to them: (a) Use only the hand to point to the charts (never a stick or other pointer). (b) Invite the group to read the chart as a summary of the teaching, not prior to the teaching. The preventive principles understood and clearly taught.

2.

3.

4.

5. 6.

7.

8. 9.

Reading or explaining the text: (a) Clear voice, good expression and pronunciation. (b) Look at the group. Use your hand to maintain your place in the text while you keep visual contact with the participants. Involve the group in: (a) The teachings, (b) Reading the charts, in one of 2 ways: All read aloud one phrase from the chart, then the facilitators explain it; All read aloud, different groups alternating phrases. Do not involve the group in reading the Global outline. (c) The repetition of certain key ideas (in bold) in order to internalize the teaching: give these to the group only in short phrases. Authentic and well-focused dramas to illustrate the teachings: (a) These should be presented at the moment suggested (*), (b) Use loud voices to be easily heard.

10.

11.


12.

51 Exercises. In order to make the exercises dynamic and effective, carefully follow these steps: (a) Make a transition from the teaching to the exercise with a phrase. For example: Now we are going to apply/practice the principle just explained. (b) If you are using the written form distribute the handout now. (c) Making your voice heard, get the attention of the group. (d) For both written and oral forms: Read aloud from the manual the title and purpose of the exercise while the group listens. Then invite a volunteer to read the handout aloud so all can hear. (e) Ask: Are there any questions? Singles should choose a new partner and change seats before proceeding, before doing the individual work. (f) Read all of the additional instructions and the introductory words found between quotation marks in the manual. Each word there has a purpose. (g) Indicate the various steps of the exercise only one at a time and only at each step. For example: We shall now........ We will have about ____ minutes to work individually. (h) Use soft instrumental background music during the individual and sharing with another person in the group times. This lends a sense of privacy and creates a pleasant atmosphere. (i) The facilitators will participate in everything and will demonstrate each step of each exercise. If there is more than one team of facilitators working together, each facilitator will participate in every activity. (j) Written form: On noticing that some persons have completed their individual work, the facilitators may say, When both of you are ready, you may begin to share with your partner. I invite you to take turns sharing with one another what each one has written and then to talk about the meaning of your answers. Begin your sentences with I. You will have about ____ minutes to converse. The oral form will follow the model suggested in 10 and 10: When I am Angry, page 84, Vol. I. (k) The facilitators participate in the exercise while also observing the others. When they note that the group is ready (some groups work more slowly and others more rapidly), the facilitators may say, When you are ready, I invite you to return to the circle. The facilitators may also invite everyone to move closer at this moment, making the circle more intimate for the time of group sharing. (l) The facilitators invite everyone to participate in the group conversation, first stating clearly the phrase to be used at this moment, according to the manual, part C of the exercise. For example, I discovered _____ about myself. The facilitators should insist gently, clearly and firmly in the use of this phrase so as to focus the conversation and maximize the group experience. (m) At the time for group sharing (but usually only in the first two exercises of the workshop, stage II, session I) the facilitators should say, We will be first and then demonstrate how the sharing may be done. (n) There are two ways to share in the group. These are usually indicated in each exercise (part C): (1) The partners speak directly to one another (face to face) in the form of a dialogue, using I and you while the rest listen. In order to do this, each person first needs to consult with his/her partner to be certain that both want to participate. (2) Each person, single or married, speaks directly to the group on behalf of him/herself. All share as individuals. The facilitating team should clearly advise the group as to which of the two methods they will employ for each exercise.

52

(o) In part C of the exercise, Sharing with the whole group, if dialogue is not indicated, it is generally expected that individuals will speak for themselves. (p) When an individual participates in the group, the facilitator should briefly restate what was said, say Thank you for the contribution, and immediately ask, Someone else? Anyone else?, and thus continually open the conversation so as to encourage and include others. Being positive and dynamic fosters participation. (q) When the available time is up, make a transition to the following segment with words of encouragement. For example, Good work! Now building on that we are going to __. 13. 14. 15. 16. E. The effective use of the ground rules in the group. Your comprehension of the relationship enrichment process. Your use of transitions to connect activities and segments of the process. Your creativity.

Reflections (evaluation) by the group should include: Clarification of what was done; Observations as to positive aspects of the presentation; Suggestions as to how the presentation might be improved. Note: The practice is meant to be a learning experience, not a polished performance, but rather a good beginning. This is not an exam to pass or fail. The evaluations have but one purpose: to strengthen each trainee and to help them become an excellent facilitator. Are there questions? Each person in leadership should prepare a written evaluation and give it to the presenters. Their thoughts may include: The same three reflections as suggested under Reflections by the group, or They may write their observations according to two categories: strong and to be strengthened. This is positive and easily allows the use of the evaluation guidelines.

5.

EXERCISE: THE TEAMS BEGIN TO PREPARE THE TEACHING CHARTS You may dedicate the remainder of this session to the preparation of your teaching charts. You will also have most of the next session to complete this preparation. You will need all of this time in order to complete everything and study your teaching materials. If you wish to refresh your memory as to how to fulfill the assignment, I invite you to refer to pages 46-52 once again, and then to follow the steps indicated there. To facilitate your work we suggest that first you prepare your 2 models (guides/patterns) for the preparation of the teaching charts and then copy the charts that you will need to present the theme you have chosen for your practice. These are found, as you remember, in Appendix C of the REW (Vol. I). You may choose three large sheets of paper, a ruler and marking pens from the table here, find a table where you want to work, and begin the preparation. If you need to consult about anything, we will be here to serve you. The rest of this session belongs to you. Are there questions? Enjoy yourselves!

53

The facilitators will distribute or make available to the couples the marking pens, rulers, and paper so that they may begin their preparation. Tables should be available for this work. It is also helpful to have white out available or rubbing alcohol and cotton for correcting errors, according to the quality of the large sheets of paper and whatever correcting fluid is most suitable for the task. We recommend that for persons who have little or no experience in this kind of work, it is well to write the words with pencil first, and then to go over them with the marking pens. Encourage the participants to use the middle line to help them make the small case letters large enough. At times it is useful if one of the team reads the words to the person doing the writing. For other details, please consult the directions on page 161, Vol. I. If the BTW is being led by instructors or advanced instructors and there are also Level III couples present (in training or doing practices toward certification), each leader may be assigned to work with specific Level II persons to guide them in the preparation of their practices. 6. CLOSING PRAYER

54

ENTER BY THE NARROW GATE; FOR THE GATE IS WIDE AND THE WAY IS EASY THAT LEADS TO DESTRUCTION; AND THOSE WHO ENTER BY IT ARE MANY.

FOR THE GATE IS NARROW AND THE WAY IS HARD THAT LEADS TO LIFE, AND THOSE WHO FIND IT ARE FEW.

Matthew 7:13-14


THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTWfor Singles)

55

GLOBAL OUTLINE

SESSION IV (four hours) Min. 20 1. Page A song of praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Concerns and celebrations, prayer Schedule for the session Bible study . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Preparation of the practices (continued) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

20 60 19

2. 3.

Rest time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Preparation of the practices (completed) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 Closing prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

120 3. 1 4.

It is suggested that the instructors prepare beforehand on a large sheet of paper and bring ready to hang in the meeting room, the following teaching chart with the key points of: 1. Schedule: Presentation of the practices

56

THOSE WHO ARE WELL HAVE NO NEED OF A PHYSICIAN, BUT THOSE WHO ARE SICK. GO AND LEARN WHAT THIS MEANS, I DESIRE MERCY, AND NOT SACRIFICE. FOR I CAME NOT TO CALL THE RIGHTEOUS, BUT SINNERS.
Matthew 9:12-13


SESSION IV

57

1.

A SONG OF PRAISE Let us stand and praise God singing... Concerns and celebrations, with prayer Has anyone come with a concern or a celebration? After sharing these, well bring them before God. Outline for the session The schedule for this session is...

2.

BIBLE STUDY Here are some beautiful Bible passages that we may study together to begin our session. Let us use them to meditate on God as the incomparable and generous giver and what that signifies for us. You may add other passages, if you wish. There are many! God, the giver Matthew Luke 7:11 11:9 11:13 12:32 John 3:16 10:28 14:16 Romans 2 Corinthians James 6:23 9:15 1:17

Jesus, the giver Matthew We, givers Matthew Luke 10:8 6:38 Acts 3:6 20:35 20:28 Romans 5:8

You may close with prayers of praise and thanksgiving. 3. PREPARATION OF THE PRACTICES The participants will occupy the rest of the session in the preparation of their practices.

REST TIME (they may take this time when they choose)

58 4. 5. PREPARATION OF THE PRACTICES (continued) CLOSING PRAYER


THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles)

59

GLOBAL OUTLINE

SESSION V (four hours) Min. 5 1. 5 55 55 15 55 55 5 3. 2. Page Outline for the session . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Practicing leadership (orientation) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Team 1 Team 2 Rest time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Team 3 Team 4 Closing prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61

It is suggested that the instructors prepare beforehand on a large sheet of paper and bring ready to hang in the meeting room the following teaching charts with the key points of: 1. Schedule: Presentation of the practices Have a cassette player available with appropriate instrumental music and ready for use.

60

HE WHO DOES NOT TAKE HIS CROSS AND FOLLOW ME IS NOT WORTHY OF ME. HE WHO FINDS HIS LIFE WILL LOSE IT, AND HE WHO LOSES HIS LIFE FOR MY SAKE WILL FIND IT.

Matthew 10:38-39


SESSION V

61

1.

OUTLINE FOR THE SESSION The schedule for this session is... Due to the fact that there will be opportunity in the practice sessions themselves for singing and sharing of concerns and celebrations, we shall go directly to the practice session.

2.

PRACTICING LEADERSHIP (orientation) The instructors will have organized the participants into four teams. At this time they will invite the first team of presenters to sit in the facilitators chairs. The instructors may invite the teams to make their presentations according to the order of the various teachings as they appear in the REW, beginning with communication. They will also make available to the presenters the use of the cassette player and appropriate instrumental music tapes. After hanging their teaching charts, the presenters may begin, with their companions giving them their full attention and cooperation. Note: If Level III persons in training or interns are present, they should become part of the leadership teams. Team 1 Team 2 REST TIME Team 3 Team 4

3. CLOSING PRAYER

62

COME TO ME, ALL WHO LABOR AND ARE HEAVY LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU, AND LEARN FROM ME, FOR I AM GENTLE AND LOWLY IN HEART, AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. FOR MY YOKE IS EASY, AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT.

Matthew 11:29-30


BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles)

63

GLOBAL OUTLINE

SESSION VI (four hours) Min. 15 1. Page A song of praise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Concerns and celebrations Schedule for the session Teaching: Principles of communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Teaching: The Communication cycle: The Speaker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66 Teaching: The Communication cycle: The Listener . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Exercise: Each person prepares his/her set of Communication rugs and practices . . . . . . . 69 Rest time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70 (Take photos of the group and of each person and/or team) 6. 7. 8. Exercise: The Communication cycle with the Communication rainbow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Interviews with the candidates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Closing moments and final worship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. International address for REAPP/APEMAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B. Devotional and conferring of certificates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . C. Teaching: Servants of the Lord and benediction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . D. Evaluations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A farewell party (optional) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70 70 70 70 71 71 73 73

10 5 10 80 5

2. 3. 4. 5.

5 15 60

15

9.

It is suggested that: (1) The instructors have the certificates for the BTW prepared and ready to give to the participants prior to the beginning of the final worship experience. (2) Each participant have available a small tub, towel, and soap for the foot washing.

64

WHO IS MY MOTHER AND WHO ARE MY BROTHERS? AND STRETCHING OUT HIS HAND TOWARD HIS DISCIPLES JESUS SAID, HERE ARE MY MOTHER AND MY BROTHERS! FOR WHOEVER DOES THE WILL OF MY FATHER IN HEAVEN IS MY BROTHER AND SISTER AND MOTHER.
Matthew 12:48-50


SESSION VI

65

1.

A SONG OF PRAISE Let us stand and praise God singing ______. Concerns and celebrations, with prayer Has anyone come with a concern or a celebration? After sharing well bring them before the Lord. Outline for the session The schedule for this session is...

2.

TEACHING: THE USE OF PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION If you are participating in a Basic Training Workshop, you will receive from your leaders a plastic model for tracing the Communication rugs. If not, if you are studying this book alone or with a group of friends, it will be necessary to prepare your own set of rugs now, before you read this segment on The use of principles of communication. The models for the two Communication rugs may be found in the BTW, Appendix A, pages 84-85 (turn to those pages now). You may prepare your rugs with or without including the drawings that accompany each word or phrase. The symbols are especially useful if you are going to use the rugs with young children or persons who do not know how to read. If not, the words alone are sufficient. These symbols may also be adapted and contextualized according to the culture. First, one must buy 2.20 meters by 1 meter of a clear plastic of good quality. Divide it as follows: (1) 1 m. x 1.20 m. (the Speaker) and (2) 1 m. x 1 m. (the Listener). The portion of plastic for the Speaker is arranged in 3 parts: I. The Speaker sends a message (50 cm. X 80 cm.) III. The Speaker responds (25 cm. X 80 cm.) States the subject (25 cm. X 80 cm., with 1.5 cm. between each rectangle) Then write the appropriate words in each rectangle, following the model on page 84. The portion of plastic for the Listener is arranged in 2 parts: II. The Listener receives the message (40 cm. X 80 cm.) IV. The Listener encourages (36 cm. X 80 cm.) Then write the appropriate words in each rectangle, following the model on page 85. For this work, it is necessary to use permanent wide-tip marking pens with strong colors. We recommend black for all words and any combination of colors for the lines and drawings. Any error in the preparation of the rugs may be corrected with a bit of cotton and fingernail polish remover or

66

rubbing alcohol. After using the rugs on the floor, one may dust them off with a dry or damp cloth, and if with use the colors fade, they can easily be traced anew. Now you are ready to proceed. A. The use of the principles of communication enhances growing relationships and helps to accentuate the special qualities of those relationships. The participating facilitators constantly demonstrate a relationship that is growing, especially through the use of communication skills. They demonstrate it as they converse informally, when dialoguing with the group, or when speaking with other participants. Each of these situations affords them an opportunity for continuing to develop their ability to communicate effectively. The keys to communication as leaders are the same that we learned previously:1 1. Speak for yourself in a responsible manner. 2. Maintain an attitude of respect for one another. 3. Be openly attentive to the information, thoughts, sentiments, expectations, needs, desires, values, intentions, and performance of the other. 4. Listen actively, ask open-ended questions, and be careful to understand the other accurately. If you make full use of these principles of communication as you prepare and present the workshop, you will: 1. Strengthen all of your interpersonal relationships. 2. Function better as a team of facilitators. 3. Model the skills you are teaching. 4. Discover your own leadership style.

B.

C.

D.

3.

TEACHING: THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE: THE SPEAKER - Parts I and III (Practicing with the plastic Communication rugs) Kindly place your set of rugs on the floor and point out each part and word as you explain their meaning. Place them so that Speaker and Listener are standing face to face. In Session II, segments 8 through 12 of the MEW, we studied the Communication cycle. Practicing these principles can help us improve all of our communication skills. While you are learning to use the rugs, it will be very helpful to hold the Communication cycle in the plastic sheet protector in your hands as a guide. We are going to begin now by reviewing part I. The Speaker sends a message. These steps not only help us to be in touch with every dimension of ourselves, but also to communicate that understanding to our family and friends. Remember that we can always share personal information regarding any subject, celebration or concern, in a responsible way, using sentences that begin with I Information: What are my physical, psychological, and spiritual perceptions? Thoughts: What do I think about what I perceive? Sentiments: How do I feel about the subject?

These keys were adapted from Basic Training Workshop Participant Guide and Resource Manual, edited by Phyllis and Rand Michael, A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108, page 67.


Expectations: What do I expect? Needs: What do I need? Desires: What do I desire for each person involved? Values: What importance or value does it have for me? Intentions: To what do I commit myself? Performance: What have I done, am doing, will do?

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In order to express myself clearly to any person, I must first be aware of and value my own ITS END: V.I.P., and then graciously communicate that to the Listener. Part III. The Speaker responds also corresponds to the Speaker. Each time that the Listener summarizes your message, you may stand by the word (point your toes toward it, but not step on the word) which best describes your reaction (confirms, clarifies, or corrects) and speak from that word. Then, when the Listener invites you, you may proceed by sending another part of your message, thus continuing the expression of your point of view. 4. TEACHING: THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE: THE LISTENER - Parts II and IV (Practicing with the plastic Communication rugs) Having examined once again the role of the Speaker, now we review the role of the Listener. To be a good Listener for another is truly a gift of love. A good listener learns to put aside his/her interests and give undivided attention to the Speaker. The goal is to understand the other, and help the other be more in touch with him/her self. In the REW, Session II, segment 11, we studied 3 procedures which can help us improve our listening style. These three correspond to Part II. The Listener receives the message of the Communication cycle: 1. Pays attention. Stop whatever you are doing, turn toward and listen to the other with your whole being. Observe such non-verbals as the others facial expression, the volume and tone of voice. Carefully note the information, thoughts, feelings, expectations, needs, desires, values, intentions, and projected actions which the Speaker expresses and also any dimension of his/her being which may have been overlooked or omitted. Restates. To paraphrase, restate, summarize what the Speaker says assures both Speaker and Listener that the message sent is the same as the message received. In order to paraphrase, do the following: (a) Before summarizing, the Listener stands with toes pointing to the word Restates as a signal that he/she is ready to summarize/paraphrase and asks: May I restate what I understood you to say? Or the Speaker, taking the initiative, may ask: Would you like to restate what I said? Experience has shown that for many persons it is difficult to summarize more than one or two thoughts at a time, at least as we begin to try to communicate more clearly and fully. However, as both persons grow in their expertise in regard to the use of the Communication cycle, the Speaker may wish to express more thoughts before the Listener summarizes. (b) Then, the Listener repeats in his/her own words what he/she believes to have heard, also trying to reflect the feelings behind the Speakers words.

2.

68 3.

Inquires. After paying attention, listening and paraphrasing, the Listener may ask, Is that correct?, Did I understand you clearly?

Part IV. The Listener encourages the Speaker to continue (Part IV of the Communication cycle) also corresponds to the Listener. He/she may ask What else would you like to share?, Tell me more... To summarize: 1. The Speaker sends a message: expressing him/herself fully. 2. The Listener receives the message: pays attention, restates, inquires. 3. The Speaker responds: confirms, clarifies, or corrects what has been understood. 4. The Listener encourages the Speaker to say more, until he/she has heard all that the Speaker wishes to say in regard to the selected subject, or until their time is up. Then, the two may exchange roles. Thus the Communication cycle is completed. Here are some instructions for using the Communication rugs (Be careful not to slip when stepping on the plastic): 1. 2. First stand on the rectangle entitled States the topic of the Speakers rug and announce the subject you wish to explore. Move to any word in the rectangle I. The Speaker sends a message and speak about what you perceive, think, feel, expect, need, desire, value, intend, and will do, always pointing toward (not stepping on or surrounding) the chosen word with your toes. Speak from each and all of the first 8 words, always being careful to reflect precisely the sentiments or thoughts that correspond to each part of your message. This is your opportunity to be more aware of and express yourself fully, and your friends opportunity to know your needs and concerns, your heart. You may move in any direction and return to any word as many times as you like, but always being careful to include all 8 aspects of your being. For example, you may have several different perceptions, feelings, or thoughts in relation to the theme. Continue moving from word to word until you have shared all you wish to say concerning the chosen theme. In time, it is logical to implement an intention by acting upon it (performance) or perhaps by choosing a series of preliminary actions. Nevertheless, if the Speaker is exploring a complex theme, it is not necessary to arrive at a decision on performance immediately. He/she may want to listen to the others perspective in several interchanges before the two, together, come to a joint decision. While the Speaker is expressing him/herself, the Listener begins by standing on the pays attention segment of II. The Listener receives the message. After listening to one or two thoughts/sentences from the Speaker, the Listener moves to restates and paraphrases what he/she believes to have heard. Then immediately the Listener moves to inquires and asks, Did I understand correctly? Next, the Speaker moves to the rectangle III. The Speaker responds and confirms, clarifies, or corrects the Listener, according to the word which best describes the situation, always pointing to (never stepping on) the appropriate word with ones toes. If the Speaker signals clarifies or corrects, the Listener returns to pays attention and then restates and inquires. Once the Speaker confirms, the process continues. The Listener speaks from the segment IV. The Listener encourages, inviting the Speaker to say more, and then passes directly to pays attention of II. The Listener receives the message.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8. 9.

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10. The Speaker continues expressing him/herself until he/she finishes sending the message or until the available time is ended. When the Speaker does not wish to speak anymore, the Speaker stands once again in the rectangle States the topic. If there is time (depending on the agreement the two have made), the Speaker and the Listener may change roles. It is important to plan the use of the rugs together in such a way that both persons may share the time more or less equally, taking turns being the Speaker and the Listener. We shall demonstrate how this is done. The facilitators explore any subject they choose while the participants observe. Then they ask: Are there questions? Who would like to practice? Allow about 5 minutes for every 2 participants. When 2 or 3 groups have practiced, you may observe: The rugs will be very helpful to strengthen communication when friends, a family, a church, or community group chooses to use them: To explore any subject at hand, To facilitate understanding and mutual appreciation, To make plans that will meet the needs and desires of all, and To arrive at decisions in unity of spirit. After the rest time, each person will have an opportunity to prepare his/her own set of Communication rugs and to practice using them. 5. EXERCISE: EACH PERSON PREPARES HIS/HER SET OF COMMUNICATION RUGS AND PRACTICES SPEAKING AND LISTENING (Communication rugs N 1 and N 2, pages 84-85, BTW, Appendix A) The Communication rugs will be very useful. They will help us be in contact with every part of our being, express ourselves, and listen to one another more exactly, wont they? Now, would you like to prepare your own set of rugs? Here are the materials. You will have an hour to do your work and begin to practice. Well be here to assist you as you make them and be your trainers as you practice. We suggest that you use black marking pens for all the words. Use whatever combination of colors that you like for the lines and symbols. Place your initials on the lower edge of your rugs so as to distinguish them easily from the others. The facilitators should have ready a minimum of 8 sets of plastic Communication rugs from which the participants may trace their own rugs on their pieces of plastic. (A) Prepare the Communication rugs. (B) Practice using them. Today is just a beginning. We suggest that you practice using them at home, and when there are children in your home, include them, also. Teach this Communication cycle to your whole family or household, to your church, and use it continually. REST TIME (Take pictures of the group, the teams, and of each person.)

70 6.

EXERCISE: THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE WITH THE COMMUNICATION RAINBOW: THE SPEAKER and THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE WITH THE COMMUNICATION RAINBOW: THE LISTENER (Exercises N 3 and N 4, pages 86-87, BTW, Appendix A, back to back in plastic sheet protector) How might one use this instrument? If by chance you are tired and want to sit down, or you need exercise and want to walk while you talk, here you have the 2 parts of the Communication cycle (Speaker and Listener) combined with the Communication rainbow in one plastic sheet protector. If you are seated, you may use your finger, coins, buttons, or little stones (instead of your feet) to indicate where you are standing. You may carry these communication tools wherever you go and practice, practice, practice. If you choose to reduce their size and laminate them, they may be carried in ones pocket or handbag and used as often as desired.

7.

INTERVIEWS WITH THE CANDIDATES You have done marvelous work. To finalize our BTW, we invite you to think about your future as a potential facilitator. To begin with, we invite you to complete an exercise entitled Questions for the candidate (Form N 7, page 83). You will have 5 to 10 minutes to complete the exercise. This will be a joyful time, characterized by a spirit of victory and fulfillment. All may be accompanied by appropriate music. When everyone is ready, they may be invited to share their answers with the entire group. This is interesting because the enthusiasm of the candidates is mutually contagious.

8.

CLOSING AND FINAL WORSHIP A. We hope that this BTW has been for each of you a time of learning and growth. As representatives of REAPP we pray that God will surely pour out his richest blessings upon each of you as you share all that you have learned and experienced. The best way to continue to develop as persons and as facilitators is to go forward with the certification process. The address of the international office of REAPP/APEMAL is: Revs. Keith and Marilynn Hamilton 1070 W. Jefferson Street, Franklin, Indiana 46131, USA Telephone: (317) 736-1286 Cell: 317-809-8869 E-mail: kehmlh@gmail.com Web page: www.ywamconnect.com/sites/KandMHamilton As soon as there exists a nucleus of instructors and advanced instructors in your area, we encourage you to form your own organization of REAPP with your own regional committee to promote the workshops. For details, see ATW, Session III. If you feel led to offer to translate these books into a new language, or if you know someone who might offer to do so, please contact your international office. (Invite the participants to fill the small foot tubs with water in preparation for the foot washing.) B. Devotional Certificates of achievement will be awarded to the participants at this moment.


An appropriate song of praise. Scripture reading: John 13:1-5. C. Teaching: Servants of the Lord

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Lets imagine that we were there with Jesus and his disciples, celebrating the Passover the night of his crucifixion. His brief ministry was coming to a close. The divine visit to this planet was ending. His heart was breaking. Inwardly his whole being shuddered in anticipation of the cruel death that soon awaited him. Yet, his concern was for his followers. Had they understood his teachings? Would they comprehend the meaning of his death? Would they be able to endure the suffering that awaited them and him? Were they adequately prepared to fulfill the decisive role that was to be theirs as servants of love in his name? How might he engrave it on their hearts so that they would remain steadfast and firm in the face of the challenges that were certain to come? Saint Luke writes: Then he took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me. And he did the same thing with the cup after supper, saying, This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood. With these words the Son announced the inauguration of the anticipated Kingdom of his Father: his eternal Kingdom of justice and holiness, peace and love! This night the history of the entire universe would be cleft in two before and after his death! However, it seems that the disciples seated with him at the table had scarcely heard his words, or more precisely, they had heard without fully comprehending. They perceived that the ministry of their Lord was rushing toward a violent and electrifying climax, and they believed that any moment Jesus would initiate his kingdom, the anticipated Kingdom of God. They never doubted that all power belonged to him. That is why they had deliriums of grandeur as they contemplated the spectacular future that awaited them. Hadnt Jesus said that they would occupy special places in his kingdom? But, what places? Who would sit at his right and at his left? Therefore, as soon as the supper was over, they were involved in a discussion as to which of them should be considered the most important (Luke 22:24). Their voices grew louder with the intensity of the debate. Their thoughts were far from secret. Jesus voice called them again to the reality of that night. He said to them: The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those in authority over them are called benefactors. But not so with you, rather the greatest among you must become like the youngest and the leader like one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one at the table? But I am among you as one who serves (Luke 22:25-27). With these words the Master of masters did the unexpected. He humbled himself before his guests. As they entered the upper room that evening, not one of those present had offered to wash the dust from the feet of the guests, as was the custom for hospitality. That was the work of slaves. John writes: Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him (John 13:3-5). With what tenderness and simplicity he washed their feet! Let us not imagine that Jesus did this to give his disciples a great lesson in humility in his last hours of life. Rather, this sincere and natural act only emphasized what he had already said and done on numerous occasions during his ministry. This act was typical of the relationship which Jesus always had with his disciples

72

and others. Jesus was the Servant Incarnate, and he gave this same moving portrait of his Father. Do you remember that on this same occasion Jesus said, Whoever has seen me has seen the Father (John 14.9). This means that our heavenly Father, the Creator and Redeemer of the universe has the heart of a servant and makes himself our servant! Isnt that amazing and awesome? Saint John continues, When (Jesus) had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. <Do you understand what I have done for you?> he asked them. <You call me Teacher and Lord, and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one anothers fee. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.> I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them (John 13:12-17). A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher (Luke 6:40). In a special way, God has called us as participating facilitators, to be servants of one another and servants of those who will participate in our workshops. You have said, Yes, Lord! and have gladdened the heart of your heavenly Father. Truly, there is no higher calling than this, to serve other persons in the healthy development of their human relationships, to strengthen families, and to continue to grow in our own way of relating to others for the honor and glory of God, for these relationships form the cells of the Kingdom of God from which the divine love must radiate, the love which will transform the world. We are called to be servants who reflect this powerful love. Beloved, let us go forth from here with this picture of the Lords supper illuminating our hearts and God, the Divine Servant, will go with us! Now we would like to have the privilege of washing the feet of each one of you. We want to do this in silence. While we are washing your feet, we invite each one to think about other occasions during your lives when another person, through some act of love, has washed your feet. Then, when we finish washing your feet, we invite you to sit face to face with your partner and to share with one another these significant memories. Let us begin. (At this moment, the facilitators initiate the simple act of lovingly washing the feet of each participant. Each one should have his/her own tub of water, soap and towel to offer to the facilitators. It is advisable to play very special background music during this ceremony and to continue through the final benediction. When the foot washing is completed, the participants may sit face to face and share their memories. After they have had adequate time to share, the facilitators may invite their attention for the final moments. One of the facilitators will say:)

(Go now to the closing words which begin with On one occasion...) (Optional, if it is not possible to wash the feet of the participants) Now, we invite you to take a sheet of paper from your folder and do the following: (1) You will have about 7-8 minutes to think about an occasion during your life when someone, through some act of love, has washed your feet. In your minds eye, you may see him/her symbolically kneeling at your feet. We invite you to write a letter to God now, to say Thank you for bringing this person into my life. Later you may want to write a letter to that person to say thank you for these sacred memories. You may begin. (Wait for them to do this. Use appropriate background music while they work.)

73 (2) May I have your attention? We invite you to continue your letter to God. This time, take time to listen to the Lord. Ask Him to bring to your mind the name of someone whose feet you need to wash through some special act of love. Make that decision and commitment, and tell the Lord what you promise to do. You are invited to gird yourself with the towel of humility and service and follow the example of your Lord and Master. You will have another 7-8 minutes to conclude your letter. It is advisable to play very special background music during this ceremony and continue through the final benediction. After the participants have had adequate time to listen and write, a facilitator may invite their attention for the final moments. One of the facilitators may say: On one occasion a workshop was held in the home of the young pastoral couple. One morning as the group came together, the wife entered the meeting room, carrying in her arms their firstborn, a beautiful four month old daughter. When the pastor saw his daughter, very excitedly he began to call out his own name. Daddy, daddy, daddy! he said. How unusual, I thought. Why is he pronouncing his own name instead of calling the name of his baby daughter? Daddy, daddy, daddy! he called again and again. Then I understood. What the pastor wanted was for his tiny daughter to recognize him by connecting his voice and his name! I was profoundly touched. Hasnt that also been our heavenly Fathers desire and plan ever since before the creation of the world? To make himself known, to make his love known to each one of us? And isnt it true that ever since the first moment that we began to meet these days, God has been manifesting himself, faithfully revealing himself to each one of us, pronouncing his I AM, wanting us to know him better as our heavenly Father who is everpresent to bless us, helping us to grow in our love for one another? I believe that the most appropriate closing we could have would be to take time to call out some of the attributes, some of the names of Jesus and of our heavenly Father, in adoration and thanksgiving. Do you agree? Would you like to do that? Lets bow our heads and begin. Let us pray... These moments of praise are the pinnacle of the workshop. When the group ends their prayer, one of the facilitators may read Jude 1:24-25 as the benediction: To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy --- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power, and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore. Amen. Or you may sing or say this alternate benediction (1 Peter 5:10-11): The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen. Offer embraces to all participants.

D. 9.

Evaluations

A FAREWELL PARTY (begins)

74

WHAT MAN OF YOU, IF HE HAS ONE SHEEP AND IT FALLS INTO A PIT ON THE SABBATH, WILL NOT LAY HOLD OF IT AND LIFT IT OUT? OF HOW MUCH MORE VALUE IS A MAN THAN A SHEEP? SO IT IS LAWFUL TO DO GOOD ON THE SABBATH.

THEN HE SAID TO THE MAN, STRETCH OUT YOUR HAND. AND THE MAN STRETCHED IT OUT, AND IT WAS RESTORED, WHOLE LIKE THE OTHER.

Matthew 12:11-12

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APPENDIX A
THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (BTW for Singles) FORMS AND HANDOUTS

I. Forms N 1 BTW practices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 N 2 N 3 N 4 N 5 N 6 N 7 Evaluation of the REW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78 Evaluation of the facilitators in training . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79 Report of the facilitators or candidates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80 Application for certification . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81 Control sheet for processing certifications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 Questions for candidates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83

II.

Handouts N 1 N 2 N 3 Communication Rug N 1: The Speaker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84 Communication Rug N 2: The Listener . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85 Communication Cycle with the Communication Rainbow: The Speaker (in a plastic sheet protector) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86 Communication Cycle with the Communication Rainbow: The Listener (in a plastic sheet protector) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87

N 4

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THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN MAY BE COMPARED TO A MAN WHO SOWED GOOD SEED IN HIS FIELD......

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS LIKE A GRAIN OF MUSTARD SEED.........

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS LIKE LEAVEN WHICH A WOMAN TOOK AND HID IN THREE MEASURES OF FLOUR......,

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS LIKE TREASURE HIDDEN IN A FIELD.....

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS LIKE A MERCHANT IN SEARCH OF FINE PEARLS.....

Matthew 13 selected1


BTW for Singles PRACTICES

77

Preventive principle
C O M M U N I C A T I O N

Theme
E X P E R S S O N E S E L F L I S T E N T O O T H E R A F F -A N G E R C Y C L E P R O C E S S A N G E R

C O N F L I C T

S E X U A L I T Y

S E X U A L I T Y

Names of persons for teams 1

78 EVALUATION OF THE REW


(BTW for Singles, Form N 2)

Please share with us your responses to each of the following questions. Your answers may remain anonymous. 1. Write three significant new ideas that you received during the workshop.

2.

What new skill or skills did you learn that will be especially beneficial to you in your personal life and in your on-going growth?

3.

Name one way in which you have grown spiritually through participating in the workshop.

4.

In what ways were your expectations, needs, and desires met?

5.

Do you have any suggestions for improving the workshop experience?

6.

What did you enjoy most during this time together?

Thank you for all that you have shared.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


EVALUATION OF THE FACILITATORS IN TRAINING
(BTW for Singles, Form N 3)

79

Please draw a circle around the number which best describes your perceptions of the facilitators in training in each aspect of leadership, using the following scale: 1 = good 2 = very good 3 = outstanding 1. They worked together as a team in all aspects of the workshop. 1 2 They were punctual and made good use of the time. 1 2 They shared leadership equally. 1

2.

3.

4.

They valued each other and were sensitive to one another . 1 2 The teaching charts were attractive and were used effectively. 1 2 The preventive principles were clearly taught. 1 2

5.

6.

7.

They presented well-focused sketches or dramas to illustrate the teachings. 1 2 3 The exercises were clearly explained and appropriately demonstrated. 1 2 3 Group participation was encouraged and valued. 1 2

8.

9.

10. They created the perception that they could capably handle all challenges in the group. 1 2 3 11. They shared their own experiences in appropriate ways. 1 2 12. A word of encouragement for the facilitators in training.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

80 REPORT OF THE FACILITATORS OR CANDIDATES Relationship Enrichment Workshop


(BTW for Singles, Form N 4)

Full Names of leaders

__________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________ Co-leader team (if there were) ____________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________ Date of workshop _________________ Place Brief description of workshop ______________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________ Total hours __________________ Number of participants ____________________ Names, addresses and telephone numbers of participants: 1. _________________________________ 3. _________________________________ 5. _________________________________ 7. _________________________________ 9. _________________________________ 11. _________________________________ 13. _________________________________ 15. _________________________________ 17. _________________________________ 19. _________________________________ 21. _________________________________ 23. _________________________________ 2. _________________________________ 4. _________________________________ 6. _________________________________ 8. _________________________________ 10. _________________________________ 12. _________________________________ 14. _________________________________ 16. _________________________________ 18. _________________________________ 20. _________________________________ 22. _________________________________ 24. _________________________________

Please submit eight evaluations of REW or BTW with this report. Return this form to: Name Address _______________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


APPLICATION FOR CERTIFICATION
(BTW for Singles, Form N 5)

81

First and last names Mailing address ____________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________ Telephone ___________________________ BTW: Dates _________________________ Instructors FAX Place _________________________________________ _________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

1. Please record two REWs you have led since your BTW: Workshop N 1: Dates _____________________ Place Co-leaders (if there were) _________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________ Report of the facilitators and 8 evaluations: Enclosed_____________________ Sent previously ____________________________

Workshop N 2: Dates _____________________ Place Co-leaders (if there were)

_________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________ Report of the facilitators and 8 evaluations: Enclosed_____________________ Sent previously ____________________________

2. Record other educational experiences in which you have participated since the BTW. (Optional) ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 3. Record titles and authors of books on Relationship Enrichment you have read since the BTW. (Op.) ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ 4. Signature: ________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________ 5. Please return this form to: ____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

82 CONTROL SHEET FOR PROCESSING CERTIFICATIONS OF THE FACILITATORS and CANDIDATES


(BTW for Singles, Form N 6)

Full names of candidate ________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________ Mailing address _______________________________________________________________________ __________________________

Telephone__________________FAX _____________________E-mail Requirements for certification: 1. Participation in a REW and a BTW: Dates 2. Report of Practice N 1, page 80 (enclosed): Place __________________________________ Group

_______________________________________________

___________________________________ ______________

Date of REW ________________ N of persons ________ Date report received 3. Report of Practice N 2, page 80 (enclosed): Place __________________________________ Group

___________________________________ ______________

Date of REW ________________ N of persons ________ Date report received 3. Evaluations of REW, page 78: Number received _____________________ Date received 4. Evaluations of the candidate, page 79: Number received _____________________ Date received 5. Application for certification, page 81: Date received ________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

6. Certification conferred by REAPP/APEMAL: Date . _______________________________________ 7. Other workshops led by candidate: a. Place ___________________________ Group _______________________________________ ________________________________

Date ____________________________ N of persons

b. Place ___________________________ Group . . _______________________________________ Date ____________________________ N of persons c. Place ___________________________ Group ________________________________

_______________________________________ ________________________________

Date ____________________________ N of persons

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


QUESTIONS FOR CANDIDATES
(BTW for Singles, Form N 7)

83

Please prepare your answers to the following questions:

1. What are your thoughts and feelings in regard to the challenge of being a facilitator?

2. What are your dreams and plans in regard to your future leadership as a facilitator?

3. What further help do you need in order to become a facilitator?

Basic Training Workshop, Handout N 1 Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

84 COMMUNICATION RUG N 1

Basic Training Workshop, Handout N 1 Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


COMMUNICATION RUG N 2

85

Basic Training Workshop, Handout N 2 Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

86

87

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IF ANYONE WOULD COME AFTER ME, LET HIM DENY HIMSELF AND TAKE UP HIS CROSS AND FOLLOW ME. FOR WHOEVER WOULD SAVE HIS LIFE WILL LOSE IT, AND WHOEVER WOULD LOSE HIS LIFE FOR MY SAKE, WILL FIND IT.

Matthew 16:24

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APPENDIX B
GUIDE FOR GROWTH GROUPS

I.

Definition and purpose: A. The term Growth groups describes a small group of persons who meet regularly not only to continue to grow and enrich their own lives and relationships, but also to encourage, nourish, and strengthen one another. Such a group should always be formed at the close of a Relationship Enrichment Workshop. The Growth group reinforces the preventive principles and helps each person to continue to practice their newly acquired abilities. If the participants of the workshop are not involved in such a group shortly after the conclusion of the REW, the likelihood of their continued growth is greatly diminished. On the other hand, if the persons participate in a Growth group, they themselves will be both surprised and gratified by the growth that will continue to take place in their person and relationships. If the group has also experienced the Basic Training Workshop and together they want to prepare and present workshops to other singles, the Growth group may be used to: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Restudy Volume I of Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations (the Relationship Enrichment Workshop); Deepen their understanding of the preventive principles; Encourage one another in their growth; Prepare their teaching charts; Practice teaching segments of the REW with each other; Work as a team to coordinate the details of the projected REWs. Create new studies and exercises to use in their own group and to share with other Growth groups.

B.

We have seen enormously strengthened relationships and an exciting multiplication of workshops through this approach. C. The purpose of the Growth groups should always be the above. If a group wants to share a small snack or refreshments as a part of their time together, it is well, but food should never become the primary focus of the group, or the preparation involved may become a burden, discourage participation and distract from the primary goal of on-going personal and relational growth.

II. Guidelines for organization and programming. A. Leadership may be rotated, or one person may volunteer or be chosen as coordinator for any period of time the group may decide. The important thing is that one person be responsible for calling the group together and defining plans for each meeting. Other persons (also volunteers) may offer to be responsible for each program The group may wish to contract with one another for meeting during a certain period of time (say, during a school year), and then regroup at the start of a new school year.

B.

90 C.

Some churches are using the REW as a way of training and reaching singles in the congregation, and then inviting the enriched singles to become a part of the ongoing program of the church through the creation of Growth groups. It is hoped that in time the communication and creative use of conflict skills may become the standard by which people relate to one another throughout the church family. The Growth groups offer the participants opportunity to use their creativity in the choice of themes and the preparation of new exercises, according to the guidelines studied in the BTW, Session II, page 38. The Growth groups will be conducted by the same guidelines and standards as the workshops themselves: Ground rules, process, techniques, and methodology. In other words, coordinators will employ the same scriptural and pedagogical orientation as during the REW. The leader will also be careful to employ the 5 stages of the REW process for each gathering. Therefore, unless there are persons available at the regular meetings to care for the children, it is suggested that parents make arrangements to participate without their children present in order to give themselves freedom to focus on their relationships. On the other hand, it would be wonderful to plan certain meetings or activities to include the whole family. The frequency and nature of these may be decided by the persons composing the group. We recommend the use of the following appendix as a resource in your Growth groups: Making Finances Fun.

D.

E.

F.

G.

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APPENDIX C

MAKING FINANCES FUN by Keith Although this is a Relationship Enrichment Workshop, many of us, while being singles, are also part of a household, and we have a responsibility toward others for sharing common expenses. Moreover, even for those of you who live alone, it is hoped that you might find in the following words some profitable ideas! Frequently money (or its use) is the root cause of many conflicts within the family. Here are a few suggested guidelines (principles) as to how to have fun while doing the impossible -- balancing the budget, that is! (( First, I want to start by putting first things first! I remember how proud I was as a little boy when I could tie a penny in the corner of my handkerchief (which at that time represented a tenth of my weekly allowance!) and head off for Sunday School. My Dad taught me many things in my life, but for that one lesson of putting the Lord and his Kingdom first, I will be eternally grateful. It is now, and always has been a joy to give, to be generous with whatever the Lord provides, and to be thankful for his generosity with us! Tithing is the bottom line, and whatever God leads us to do beyond that. A thankful heart could be counted as a second principle! A third principle that I received through experience in my family of origin was this: My Dad showed me how to keep accounts, so that the books balanced at the end of the month. I learned early to note down everything I spent, and to be accountable for every penny. I believe God has made us stewards, and all that we have belongs to him. Sometimes Im kidded about the little pieces of paper on which I keep my daily list of monies spent, but its a habit which has proven worthwhile in times of depression and in times of affluence! We always know how much we have on hand, outstanding bills, monies that will be coming in, and our potential. I still keep my little notes to put on the computer. However, it matters not if we keep accounts on the computer or in a notebook. What is most important is for each person and family member to be accountable to God and to one another. A fourth idea I caught from my Dad was the matter of budgeting. Not only did he keep books on his monthly expenditures, he had a plan for spending. I know that I will never forget how he pressed $5 into my hand whenever I came home to visit, because he wanted me to have a little cash for the road. Just a way of saying, Thanks! Thanks for coming home to see me. God bless you on your journeys and in your ministry. Buy the next tank of gas on me! That was when gasoline cost a little less than it does now!... Having a family budget, has also been our family custom. We need to plan carefully to be able to fulfill the mission we believe God is placing before us, to sit down together and put that plan into writing. Also, its amazing how a budget frees up resources for the unexpected or for emergencies when they come along, as they have a way of doing! Fifth, I also learned from my Dad not to spend what I didnt have, but to save for things I really wanted, and then to pay for them in cash. In the past several years, we have carried a MasterCard while traveling overseas, and its always been good to have for identification purposes, and to have the certainty of being able to pay for things even when absent from home for six months at a time. (The Credit Union carefully pays the MasterCard balance each month on time.) Through the years we have been sparednterest charges because we learned early on to be content with what we had, to save to accomplish family goals, and to spend within our means.

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A sixth principle for making finances fun is for all members of the family or household to participate. This is half of the solution! When everyone is informed and involved, together they may take appropriate steps to cut expenses, reduce demands, and even to contribute creative ideas as to how to save or earn more. To accomplish this, a regular time for family council is indispensable! Include all family members to the maximum! So if you form part of a household, this is another principle that you may want to put in practice. Seventh, ever since we were married, we have considered all income as family income (with the exception of monies earned by the children). There have been no secrets. Everything is ours and therefore to be shared. It has never mattered who brought home the check. It all belongs to us. Through the years we have each tried to give our best in every way we could to care for one another. How would you work this out as a single in a household with other persons? What would be used for family expenses, and what would belong exclusively to each member? Eighth: It has been a joy to have a life partner who shares these goals with me. We have come to believe that two heads are better than one. It has not been easy for me to admit that! But a few years back, Marilynn requested that she participate a little more in the preparation of the early tax returns. Now, I have considered myself to be the financial EXPERT in the family. Do you think I felt challenged by her insisting on becoming a full-time participant in my area of expertise? You can bet your bottom dollar I felt threatened! So, what did I do? I put one of the basic preventive principles of our workshops into practice and decided to LISTEN to my wife. And, do you know what? She was right, and we saved a bundle of money that year, just by following a suggestion from my spouse, who didnt realize I had all the answers! Whether single or married, we can learn from one another. Then, theres the matter of learning from ones offspring! We had always had an assured monthly income, either as a local pastor in the States or under the General Board of Global Ministries of our church during the years we were missionaries in South America. It was always a modest amount, but at least we could count on having something coming in each month to pay the bills. So, imagine the audacity of our son volunteering to go as a missionary with a group of young people who lived by faith...no salary! Who was going to pay for his trip to Europe? Well, this organization, Youth With A Mission, tells all their young people to trust God to provide it all: travel expenses, food, clothing, etc., with no assurance of receiving an income on a regular basis! It blew my mind! Let me illustrate how our son taught me more about the meaning of generosity and trusting God -- a ninth principle! Some years ago he had all his plans made to go to Holland for a Discipleship Training School, and God had provided just exactly what he needed to pay for the ticket to get there! Finally, on the Sunday before he was to leave, he was home to say good-bye to the folks...great son!...though not thinking straight, from my perspective. But I was pastor of the home church, and I knew they would be generous when our son presented his case in the Sunday morning worship service. You know what..... he just stayed in the pew that morning and didnt say a mumbling word! In fact, whats worse, he looked like he was going to sleep in the middle of my stimulating morning message! He told me later that he had been praying! As he was listening, God spoke to him and told him to give a certain amount of his own travel money to another student at college who didnt have enough to travel to Holland! Committing that amount to God for his friend meant that he would not have enough for his own ticket and he was to travel the next day! But he secretly said Yes to God. The amazing thing is that as people filed out that morning, they pressed bills into his hands, and the amount he received at the door of the church was exactly the amount God had told him to give to his friend! But he had to be willing to do that BEFOREHAND and not keep it for himself! Being willing to give sacrificially is hard at times, but God

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is trustworthy! I stood amazed as I saw God replenish his generous gift and send him off to Holland...his Dad a far wiser man! Learning from ones spouse and children is a healthy way to stay young in heart! It is God who is our Provider. Finally, a tenth principle: Since retiring, weve been doing volunteer work, training couples in different parts of the world as leader and instructor couples in Marriage Enrichment and Relationship Enrichment Workshops. Wherever we go, people ask, How are you supported? Are you working under a mission board? Who pays for all your airline tickets? We just smile, and say, The Lord provides! And He does! It begins with having clear priorities and goals to guide our decision-making a sense of Gods purpose for these years, developing our mission statement, if you like. With that in mind, we try to put family values and needs above personal wants, so as to accomplish the goal! By so doing, it is amazing how much pressure is relieved! Most of Gods provision comes from just living carefully 5-6 months of the year so we have enough to pay for the air tickets the other 6-7 months were volunteers! Setting priorities! So what is the dream or vision, what is the priority which God has placed on your heart? Are all of your financial and other decisions focused toward fulfilling that goal? Someone has written in the Christian Growth Study Bible: One great paradox of our humanity is that were created with the need both to have security and to take risks. Most of us want to be financially secure, fully insured and otherwise prepared for the ups and downs of life. But another side of our humanity loves adventure, risk and even hardship...Thankfully, both of these needs are met in God. He is the same yesterday, today and forever, so our need for security can always be satisfied by trusting in his character and in his written Word...Our need for adventure is also met in God, who is always doing new things (Isaiah 43:19). He continually calls us to live on the edge, to walk by faith and not by sight and to go beyond our places of comfort and security to carry out his will, to be God-dependent beings (Page 1194). With God and one another WE CAN MAKE FINANCES FUN!

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IF YOU HAVE FAITH AS A GRAIN OF MUSTARD SEED, YOU WILL SAY TO THIS MOUNTAIN, MOVE FROM HERE TO THERE AND IT WILL MOVE. AND NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE TO YOU.

Matthew 17:20-21

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APPENDIX D
BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles
(BTW for Singles)

SPECIAL CEREMONIES
Introduction: It is suggested that the local church (the Body of Christ) recognize and celebrate the preparation of persons for this ministry with singles. Here are two ceremonies that may be used at different moments during this preparation. The first, a Ceremony of Recognition, may be used when the person or persons have finished the first two levels of study (REW and BTW). The second, a Ceremony of Consecration, may be used when a person is officially certified and ready to become fully involved in a ministry with singles. Of course, these ceremonies may be adapted or others substituted for them, as desired. Therefore, these ceremonies may form part of the public worship on any chosen Sunday.

A CEREMONY OF RECOGNITION Message: After creating all that exists, the first thing God did was to unite a man and a woman in marriage. Ever since the Garden of Eden it has been Gods plan and desire to bless us through families where his love reigns. However, as adults, not all of us are married. We may never marry. We may be too young, or widowed or divorced. We may be a single because we have not yet made a commitment to another to share life together as a couple. Whatever our situation, we all need help in knowing how best to relate to other persons in a life style which delights our heavenly Father and brings fulfillment to us. The purpose of the Relationship Enrichment Workshops is to equip us to live life to the fullest as singles. Therefore, we need persons equipped to train others in this most essential part of our lives how to communicate effectively with one another, how to use conflict creatively, how to understand and experience the greatest affirmation of our sexuality, as God in His great love has made each one of us to be a man or a woman. Therefore, by recognizing this person (these persons) as practicing facilitators for Relationship Enrichment Workshops, we underline how key this ministry is to the Kingdom of God. We also recognize that he/she (they) cannot fulfill this ministry alone. They need the encouragement of others who are committed to supporting them in prayer every day, and especially before, during, and following each workshop. Since the primary purpose of the Relationship Enrichment Workshop is to enlarge the love and the skills by which we relate to one another, these leaders need others to be praying for them and for the participants, that the Spirit of God might have full liberty to work in the life of each person. God uses the workshops in a powerful way to fulfill his will. It is beautiful to see how the participants grow during the workshop and return home equipped with tools which will enable them to continue to grow during the weeks, months, and years ahead.

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Thus, it is with the intention of fulfilling this purpose that we recognize _________ (or these persons__________) for having completed the first two stages of training for a ministry with singles. They have participated in the Relationship Enrichment Workshop itself (Level I) in which they have learned preventive principles and new skills, and in the Basic Training Workshop (Level II), in which they have studied how to lead the Level I workshops. He/she is now ready to fulfill the two required practices toward certification. Once certified, _______ will be fully prepared to launch a ministry with singles. We rejoice with ______, and we give thanks to God for all that lies ahead. It is our hearts desire to support ______ in these next steps toward certification. Together, we eagerly look forward to the development of this crucial ministry in our church and community. At this moment the pastor may invite the person or persons to come forward so that the pastor and other leaders of the church may pray for them. Then the pastor may invite volunteers of the congregation to commit themselves to pray daily for them and this ministry. It is suggested that the names of the volunteers be written down so that they may be contacted in the future as workshops are planned.

A CEREMONY OF CONSECRATION Message: As he traveled, Jesus was always training and sending others forth to fulfill the ministry to which he was calling them. Some of his first words to would-be disciples were: Follow me and I will make you fish for people (Mark 1:17). And while Jesus was preaching, healing, teaching, casting out demons and raising the dead, he was also training his followers to do all that he did. After healing the demon possessed Gerasene called Legion, Jesus said to him, Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and what mercy he has shown you (Mark 5:19-20). History confirms the efficacy of his witness, for many in the Decapolis (the Ten Cities) believed because of his testimony. It seems that persons whose lives had been changed by Jesus could not be quiet and many shared the good news by proclaiming to the world what God had done in their lives. It was marvelous! But Jesus did not just count on the spontaneous witness of his followers. Rather, he also systematically trained his followers for ministry. We read in Luke 9 that Jesus called together the twelve and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the Kingdom of God and to heal (9:1,2). Perhaps in that first outreach they went as a group, as a team, all together. The gospels do no specify. However, that was only the beginning. We note in the next chapter that the training intensifies and multiplies. We read, After this the Lord appointed seventy others and sent them on ahead of him in pairs to every town and place where he himself intended to go (Luke 10:1). The words that follow are Jesus training manual which the disciples studied in preparation for doing their practice sessions. Then they went forth 2 by 2 as the Lord had commanded.

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Later they returned. Their practices completed (just like the practices of the facilitators in relationship enrichment) the disciples were now ready to be certified. Luke says, The seventy returned with joy, saying, Lord, in your name even the demons submit to us! Jesus said to them, I watched Satan fall from heaven like a flash of lightening. See, I have given you authority to tread on snakes and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing will hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice at this, that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven (10:17-20). We may observe four things. The scripture tells us that: (1) The Lord sent them by pairs (two by two); (2) He gave them power over all the forces of the evil one; (3) He warned them not to rejoice in the power they had received, but in God who gave them the authority; and (4) Jesus himself rejoiced in the spirit and said: I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and the intelligent and have revealed them to infants. Yes, Father, for such was your gracious will (10:21). (Some translations say, to little children.) What does this passage say to us? First, we recognize that Jesus calls us to work in teams. Jesus never limited his ministry, but rather commanded his disciples to go to every city and village where he would be going. The Relationship Enrichment Workshops may be used in the same way: to serve every person, within and outside of the church; to serve them in a disinterested, magnanimous, self-giving, truly loving way in the name of Jesus; to call all singles to the abundant life that God purposed in his heart when he created each one of us. Secondly, we recognize that it is the Lord himself who has called this person _______ (these persons: _______ and _______) and through careful preparation and the gift of the Spirit, he has conferred his power on them to fulfill this ministry. Today we ratify what the Lord has already done and will continue to do in and through them. Thirdly, _______ and _______, with you we remember that Jesus exhorts his followers not to rejoice in the fact that God lends us his power, but rather to rejoice in God himself, the creator and source of all power. The more that we acknowledge that the salvation, power, beauty, and love all come from God, the more God can trust us with his power and use us for his glory. Fourthly, we acknowledge that these facilitators are counted among the little ones, the infants, the humble ones, those chosen by Jesus. We recognize that the greatness of God is manifest through both the weaknesses and the gifts of his sons and daughters when they keep their eyes on him. God is our strength. So we praise God that he has chosen these infants for his work. Therefore, as a church, we commit ourselves to _______ and _______ to be co-laborers with them in this ministry. We commit ourselves to sustain their hands through prayer, while they hold aloft the preventive principles of Relationship Enrichment as the rod of God. This ministry will not be the responsibility of these persons alone, but of all of us, a commitment that we as a church make this day before God, for we are all simply infants, little ones, chosen by Jesus. Praise God!

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At this moment, I want to invite _______ and _______ to come forward so that we may consecrate them to this ministry with singles. Also, I would like to invite others, all who wish to share in this commitment and wish to be a part of their prayer support, to do battle for and with them, also to come and to lay hands upon them. We shall sing ______ while they come. The person or persons may kneel or not, as the pastor and others consecrate them, laying hands on them and praying for them. Then the facilitators may respond with their own words.

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APPENDIX E
THE BASIC TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles
(BTW for Singles)

TEACHING CHARTS
Suggestions for the preparation of the charts (if prepared in paper rather than computer): 1. 2. Use a good quality of durable paper. It may be white bond or preferably a durable translucent oil paper which is easy to fold for storing and light weight enough to be fastened to the wall. Count the number of lines required for each chart and measure the sheet of paper in equal parts. Or, use one sheet of paper as a model for making all of the charts by drawing lines in black, 5 cm. apart. Place this pattern beneath each sheet as a guide for writing. You may also draw finer intermediate lines, 2.5 cm. apart in another color, to help guide the formation of the small (lower case) letters. Draw 2 vertical guidelines for left margins. This guide will serve to prepare all of the charts except for the Schedules of Sessions II and III, and Process the Anger, which require lines 4 cm. apart. For these charts you may make another writing guide of 4 cm. (2.5 cm. for intermediate lines). Before you begin this work, it would be well to measure the length and width of your sheet of paper and calculate if the above measurements work for your charts, or if they need to be adjusted. The dimensions of these large sheets vary from nation to nation. You may also wish to adjust the length of some of the suggested lines of the charts in this appendix, and therefore add more lines to a chart. Count these lines carefully before beginning your work, and decide if you need to shorten some of the lines. If making charts is a new experience for you, you may want to prepare the chart in pencil first, and then go over the words with the marking pen. Use bright-colored, wide tip marking pens with clear lettering so that your charts may be easily read from a distance. Do not use yellow or orange for words. Reinforce the charts by placing masking tape around the 4 edges on the back side of each sheet. Then, in the lower right hand corner (on top of the tape already placed on the back side) place the initials of the workshop, the session number, and the chart number. For example: MEW - II - 3. When the charts are ready, fold each one 3 times for storage, so that the identification code remains on the outside and visible, and facilitates hanging them at the right moment. In the preparation of the Global outline charts (Schedules), if you use one color for the teachings (Stage III), another color for the exercises (Stages II and IV), and a third color for Stages I and V, it will help all to distinguish the stages of the process. When you complete the preparation of the charts, they may be separated and ordered according to the five sessions and each session placed in a plastic envelope or wrapped in a clean sheet of the same paper. Each package may be marked on the outside according to the workshop and corresponding session and stored. Well cared for, these charts will last for many workshops. To hang each chart by turn, use two rings of masking tape. These are made by doubling 7-8 cm. of tape with the sticky side outside, and bringing the 2 ends together to form a neat ring. Attach these rings to the masking tape border on the back side of the chart at the two upper corners. Then press it firmly against the wall. indicates the end of each chart in this appendix. If every person has a copy of this book, it will not be necessary to make the new charts, but only to hang the ones from the REW in the room.

3. 4.

5.

6.

7.

8. 9.

100 Ground Rules (Use the chart prepared for the REW, Session I, or see Vol. I, page164, Appendix C.)

The Golden Rule (Use the chart prepared for the REW, Session I, or see Vol. I, page 162, Appendix C.)

The Great Commandment (Use the chart prepared for the REW, Session I, or see Vol. I, page 165, Appendix C.)

The Judgment of the Nations (Use the chart prepared for the REW, Session I, or see Vol. I, page 162, Appendix C.)

The Goal (Use the chart prepared for the REW, Session I, or see Vol. I, page164, Appendix C.)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Relationship Enrichment Leadership- horizontal style participating facilitators sharing preventive principles growing in their relationship Process focused flow of teachings and experiences guided through a process of five stages purpose: to teach, demonstrate, apply Methodology clear teachings of preventive principles learning by doing group dynamics Techniques exercises, each with specific purpose team of facilitators models all focused dialogue group interaction Ground rules and the Golden Rule


Giving Medical Counsel 1. It is vertical (the medical model) the expert to the patient the healthy to the sick the counselor to the counseled it is authoritarian 2. It foments (when applied to human relations) dependence, and at times, resentment feelings of superiority and inferiority another tells me what I should do another is responsible for my life 3. It is a solution for one situation the patient returns for more counsel

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Sharing Preventive Principles 1. It is horizontal between equals who express themselves and listen to each other who are growing who share their experiences (not theories or opinions) there is mutual respect the process is freeing 2. It foments independence and self-reliance egalitarian spirit and relationships self-determination and creativity taking responsibility for oneself 3. It is a process applicable to many situations it is the methodology of Jesus (Instructor: disciple) he taught principles applicable by each person enabling persons to discover their own answers his parables contain principles they underline our responsibility before God

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5.0 min. 2.5 min. 30.0 min.

2.5 min. 40.0 min.

Schedule: Presentation of the Practice Stage I Present the Global Outline of chosen sessions (II,III,IV); Point out 5 stages in segments of Global Outline 15 min. for Teaching: Stage III 15 min. For Exercise: Stages II and IV, Divided approximately thus: 3 min. to introduce and explain the exercise 4 min. to prepare individually 4 min. to share between spouses 4 min. to share with the group Stage V


REQUIREMENTS FOR CERTIFICATION Friday Morning Afternoon Evening III I Saturday I I I Sunday I III II Monday II II II Tuesday II II Free

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Wednesday III III

Training Levels I and II Levels I, II and III Level IV*

Practice

Certification as: Facilitator Instructor

Two practices of REW Two practices of REW and BTW Two practices of REW and BTW plus Two practices of REW, BTW and ATW in combination

Advanced instructor

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AT THAT TIME THE DISCIPLES CAME TO JESUS, SAYING, WHO IS THE GREATEST IN THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN?

AND CALLING TO HIM A CHILD, JESUS PUT HIM IN THE MIDST OF THEM, AND SAID,

TRULY, I SAY TO YOU, UNLESS YOU TURN AND BECOME LIKE CHILDREN, YOU WILL NEVER ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. WHOEVER HUMBLES HIMSELF LIKE THIS CHILD, HE IS THE GREATEST IN THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.

Matthew 18:1-4

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THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP

LEVEL III

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THE VERY STONE WHICH THE BUILDERS REJECTED HAS BECOME THE HEAD OF THE CORNER; THIS WAS THE LORDS DOING, AND IT IS MARVELOUS IN OUR EYES.

Matthew 21:42

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CONTENTS

THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles)

Page Requirements for Levels III and IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109 General instructions for ATW (Level IV) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110 Session I . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111 Session II . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113 Session III . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115 Session IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119

Appendices A. B. C. Forms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121 Teaching charts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127 Special ceremonies for Levels III and IV . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129

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HE WHO IS GREATEST AMONG YOU SHALL BE YOUR SERVANT; WHOEVER EXULTS HIMSELF WILL BE HUMBLED, AND WHOEVER HUMBLES HIMSELF WILL BE EXALTED.

Matthew 23:12

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REQUIREMENTS FOR CERTIFICATION


You, a certified facilitator, want to become an instructor (Level III) and perhaps an advanced instructor (Level IV). We congratulate you because the future of the movement to strengthen singles depends in large part on your careful, thoughtful, and visionary leadership. The training for Level III requires that you help teach Levels I and II (REW and BTW) with a certified instructor (46 hours of hands-on training), and that you also have an additional 4 sessions of classes (16 hours) a total of 62 hours of training for Level III. Then, two practices, teaching both Levels I and II in combination, will qualify you to be certified as an instructor (Level III). No additional training is required for certification as an advanced instructor (Level IV), but only four more practices, as indicated on the chart below. It is expected that these practices will be accomplished with anyone else who is certified or seeking certification on that same level. A possible training schedule for Level III requires an investment of 62 hours (15 sessions). Friday Morning Afternoon Evening III I Saturday I I I Sunday I III II Monday II II II Tuesday II II Free Wednesday III III

Requirements for certification as a facilitator: After receiving training in the REW and BTW a person may be called a facilitator in training and is allowed to co-direct a REW. After 2 successful practices, he/she may become a certified facilitator with all authority to teach the REW with another facilitator. Requirements for certification as an instructor and advanced instructor: In the same way, at each level the trained person will be called in training, and when he/she has completed the required practices he/she will be called a certified instructor or a certified advanced instructor. With another facilitator the instructor may lead the REW and the BTW. The advanced instructor may lead the REW, BTW, and ATW with a teammate. The workshops are always taught by teams of facilitators at every level. Training Levels I and II Levels I, II and III Level IV* + Practice = Certification as: Facilitato Instructor Advanced instructor

Two practices of REW Two practices of REW and BTW Two practices of REW and BTW plus Two practices of REW, BTW and ATW in combination

* without additional training The necessary forms are found in Appendix A, pages 78-81.

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GENERAL INSTRUCTIONS
THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP (ATW)

A.

Hang the following teaching charts in the meeting room (see Appendix B for details.) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. The Ground rules The Golden rule The Great commandment The Judgment of the nations The Goal Giving counsel Sharing preventive principles Requirements for certification A large sheet of paper (or blackboard) to write down questions not related to the subject at hand, in order to answer these at the appropriate times. Every question is good and deserves to be answered.

B.

It would be useful for the instructor and the advanced instructor to be in touch with the candidates to be trained in advance of the Advanced Training Workshop requesting that: 1. 2. The candidates come prepared to respond to the evaluation questions mentioned in Session I, segments 4 and 5 of this workshop. They bring evaluations and reports related to their practice workshops, as well as their application for certification, if these have not been sent in to the Regional Committee on Training and Certification in advance. They bring their set of teaching charts. They try to purchase and read prior to coming one or both of the following outstanding books: Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T). by Thomas Gordon The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey.

3. 4.

C.

The instructors or the advanced instructors should be prepared to guide a study of these two books. The instructors may also bring other appropriate material on the theme of family. It is important that such materials concur with the principles of Relationship Enrichment. If neither of these two books is available, it is suggested that the instructors and candidates invest quality time in thinking through the implication of what it might mean to practice the preventive principles taught in the REW as we relate to persons of all ages. What have we been able to apply thus far? What changes do we still want and need to make? This could be a very profitable time.

111

THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles)

LEVEL III

SESSION I (4 hours) Min 20

1. PRAISE AND PRAYER Concerns and celebrations Schedule for the session

20

2. BIBLE STUDY: John 15:1-17 (a) Apply these three questions: 1. What does the passage say? 2. What did the passage mean to the first readers and hearers? 3. What does the passage mean to me?

20

3. SELF-EVALUATION OF ONES PERSONAL LIFE The instructors will ask each person: (a) (b) (c) (d) Are you practicing your 10 and 10'? Do you seek to live out your commitment for the creative use of conflict? Are you in the process of fulfilling your growth plan? Do you participate in a Growth group?

60

4. SELF-EVALUATION OF THE TWO PRACTICE WORKSHOPS Each person will present their evaluations, reports of the practices, application for certification, and set of charts. Then they will respond to the following questions: (a) (b) (c) (d) (e) (f) (g) Where did you do your practice? Describe the experience. With whom did you work? What did you do that you thought went well? What did you do well, but could be improved? What changes do you plan on making for the next workshop? What help do you need? REST TIME

30

112 40 5. PLAN THE RELATIONSHIP ENRICHMENT WORKSHOP (LEVEL I) Division of labor: Who will do what? 10 6. GUIDELINES FOR EVALUATING PRACTICES Carefully go over the guidelines studied in the BTW for Singles, pages 50-52. 65 5 7. THE CANDIDATES PREPARE TO DIRECT THE REW 8. CLOSING

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ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles)

LEVEL III SESSION II (4 hours) Min 10

1. PRAISE AND PRAYER Concerns and celebrations Schedule for the session

20

2. BIBLE STUDY: Philippians 2:1-11 (a) Apply the three questions: 1. What does the passage say? 2. What did the passage mean to the first readers and hearers? 3. What does the passage mean to me? (b) The instructor may include a consideration of the following observations with the group: 1. We continue to seek to grow as persons and in all of our interpersonal relationships. 2. Philippians 2:1-4 In humility regard others as better than yourselves. 3. Philippians 2:5-11 Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus. We focus our lives on the person of Jesus, to learn from him to be meek and humble. Sometimes we can do this by voluntarily and intentionally taking the role of Listener to hear the other in a private conversation or in a group, preferring the other. Let us be aware of the needs of one another. I want to listen to you. Let us be careful in all meetings and conversations to give everyone equal opportunity to express themselves. Use the positive colors of the Communication Rainbow. Listening to the other is a practical way to die to self-centeredness and to honor the other. The fruit will be joy. 4. Jesus Christ, the unequaled and incomparable missionary, emptied himself, taking the form of a servant in order to become one of us, and he sends us forth to serve others with the same spirit of humility and love.

20

3. SELF-EVALUATION OF PARTICIPATION IN LEADERSHIP OF THE REW Each person in training and the team of instructors will submit to the same discipline of selfevaluation, using the Guidelines for evaluation: (a) (b) (c) (d) What did I do well? What was good, but could be better? What changes do I plan on making so as to act or direct better in the future? What help do I need?

114 10 4. THE EVALUATION OF THE CANDIDATES IN TRAINING This evaluation by the instructors will be based on the Guidelines for evaluating every facilitator found in Session II, BTW, pages 50-52. 30 10 REST TIME 5. TEACHING: HOW TO EVALUATE THE PRACTICES When you evaluate the presentation of the practice of each candidate participating in the BTW, please do so by carefully using the same Guidelines we used above; do it in writing and always be constructive. Use one of the two following formats: (a) Those same reflections that the group will make (page 52, BTW). Clarification of what was done; Observations as to positive aspects of the presentation; Suggestions for improvement.

(b) Or you may choose to write down your observations (following the Guidelines step by step) under these two categories: Strong and To be strengthened. 25 40 6. REVIEW AND ANALYZE THE CONTENT OF THE BTW 7. PLAN FOR SHARED LEADERSHIP OF THE BTW (Assign each instructor to a specific team to help them in the preparation of their practice.) Division of labor: Who will do which of the following?: Guide each of the exercises of Sessions I and II Cut the plastic in preparation for tracing the Communication rugs Guide the candidates in the preparation of their Communication rugs and coach them in their use Instruct and assist the participants of the BTW in the preparation of their practice sessions Demonstrate the alter-ego of Challenges in the group Plan and help lead the final worship experience Prepare a sheet of paper, one for each BTW candidate, with the names of each of the persons and teams you will evaluate, and the evaluation method you choose to use, and have these ready for the moment of the presentation of the practices (Session V). (This final point may be accomplished at any moment prior to Session V.) 70 5 8. 9. THE CANDIDATES PREPARE TO LEAD THE BTW for Singles CLOSING PRAYER

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THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles)

LEVEL III SESSION III (4 hours) Min 10

1.

PRAISE AND PRAYER Concerns and celebrations Schedule for the session

20

2.

BIBLE STUDY: John 21:1-25; Romans 12:10 (a) Apply the three questions: 1. What does the passage say? 2. What did the passage mean to the first readers and hearers? 3. What does the passage mean to me? (b) This passage is so rich with meaning. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in this exploration. We shall mention only three thoughts you may want to lift up: 1. Jesus is always near to accompany us. In each moment, at every sunrise, he surprises us with the sweetness of his presence. He abundantly fills our lives with every blessing, meets every need. 2. Looking profoundly into our eyes, Jesus asks: Do you love me? Although he knows our every thought, the weaknesses and sin that beset us, the most intimate parts of our being, he loves us, he trusts his kingdom to us, and commands us: Tend my sheep. Follow me. 3. Even in the final lines of the Gospel of John we hear Peter, the leader chosen by the Lord, pointing to John and asking our Lord, What about him? One of the things that can most damage the church and the Relationship Enrichment movement is rivalry or competition between leaders to see who is the more important. Jesus invites us to evaluate ourselves. If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? Follow me! On the other hand, there is a spirit of competition that we want to cultivate. It is this: seek to outdo one another in showing honor, in preferring the other! ((

30

3.

SELF-EVALUATION OF THE EXPERIENCE OF LEADING THE BTW Each person in training and the instructors will submit to the same self-evaluation: (a) What did I do well? (b) What was good, but could be better? (c) What changes do I plan on making so as to act or direct better in the future? (d) What help do I need?

116 15 4. THE EVALUATION OF THE PRACTICING CANDIDATES This evaluation by the instructors will be based on the Guidelines for evaluating every facilitator found in Session II, BTW, pages 50-52. 25 100 REST TIME 5. DIALOGUE: PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE (a) Next steps and plans for certification as instructors. (See Requirements, page 109.) (b) Forms and Reports. (See Appendix A of ATW.)

(c) Formation of a Regional Committee of Training and Certification composed of certified instructors who will be the executive committee of the movement to promote and facilitate workshops: 1. To encourage instructors to concentrate their strength principally on the preparation of other facilitators: in other words, consistently to give REWs and BTWs together. 2. In cooperation with the Growth group composed of the instructors, to promote and coordinate the practices of the facilitators trained in Levels II and III, and to motivate them to multiply the workshops. 3. To receive suggestions and recommendations from this Growth group, to make the pertinent decisions and to carry them out. 4. To maintain the records of the control sheets of the certification process for each person. 5. They have authority to supervise the correct use of the material, if necessary to correct the wrong use thereof, and thus exercise control of the quality of the workshops. (d) Growth group for the instructors 1. This group composed of instructors will maintain high standards to assure workshops of high quality, cultivate a spirit of Christian love, and always employ the vision of REAPP/APEMAL. 2. Their motto will be to love one another with mutual affection, outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10). Remember I Corinthians 3:5-9. 3. It is suggested that this group always hang in their meeting room the teaching charts for the Ground rules, the Golden rule, the Great commandment, Giving counsel and Sharing principles. We also suggest the consistent use of the Communication cycle and the creative use of conflict in each meeting. The results will be amazing! (( 4. The facilitators composing this Growth group will decide: How many times a year they will meet; If they want to divide into subgroups to study and develop certain aspects of the program; To offer recommendations to the Regional Committee for Training and Certification. 5. The principle goals of this Growth group will be: to grow in mutual Christian love between facilitators; to deepen comprehension and practice of the preventive principles; to take responsibility for developing the following parts of the program: (points e-l)

117 (e) Create a plan for projected growth (missionary outreach). Ask Gods direction for zones and regions to be reached. The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest (Lk 12:10). 1. Consult with pastors. Make good use of relationships, friendships, and the enthusiasm of participants and the invitations they extend to friends and parents in order to create new workshops. 2. Together create a calendar for the year of projected workshops and the kind of event it will be (REW, BTW, ATW) with dates and names of the facilitators, cost, how to register, etc., and publish it. This does not prohibit the creation of other workshops as invitations come, but it does provide a basic work plan for the public. (f) Call together groups for prayer and spiritual warfare. (See Appendix D, page 95.)

(g) Seek support in all aspects of the workshops. For example, in Punta Arenas, Chile, the youth of the church offered to go to the homes of the participating couples to care for and bless their children while the parents were enriching their relationship in the workshop. (h) Finances: 1. Love gifts and economic support for the facilitators. (See REW, Information Sheet, Segment VI.) 2. Consider costs of promotion and administration. (i) Provide resources to cultivate Growth groups: 1. Brief studies and their corresponding exercises which leaders will create. 2. Books and articles in keeping with the principles of REAPP/APEMAL. Health of the facilitators (I Corinthians 3:16)

(j)

(k) Ways to promote the workshops. Publicity through: 1. Brochures, videos, stickers, key rings, 2. Radio, television, internet, newspapers, church publications, etc., 3. T shirts, 4. Always making use of the REAPP logos: !+! for couples and for singles. (l) It is suggested that each facilitator reduce the size of his/her certification (photocopying), laminate it, and carry it with him/her for identification.

Allow us to share three things the Lord has taught us, which may be useful to you: 1. 2. We always ask the Lord to bring to the workshops those persons that he desires come and, trusting in his faithfulness, we accept each participant as sent by the Lord. There is a lot of spiritual warfare connected with every workshop. Do not be discouraged. The more warfare, the more blessings there will be. Therefore, go forward with prayer and praise! One must be flexible. In spite of all the effort we put forth to make careful plans and to consult with the local organizers with anticipation, at the last moment there may need to be changes of plans. We can also trust Gods sovereignty in these situations. If one door closes, God has a better plan. His faithfulness is great! Incomparable!

3.

118 30 6. INTERVIEWS

The instructors may listen to the concerns and plans of each facilitator, and spend time with each, according to their personal needs. 10 7. CLOSING PRAYER

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THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles)

LEVEL III
SESSION IV (4 hours) Min 10

1. PRAISE AND PRAYER Concerns and celebrations Schedule for the session

70

2. TEACHING: HOW TO USE THE PREVENTIVE PRINCIPLES WITH OUR CHILDREN AND/OR THE CHILDREN OF OTHERS Whether we have children of our own, or there are children in the household of which we are a part, or we have nieces and nephews, or there are children in the church with whom we need to relate, it is important for each of us to think through how we can apply the preventive principles we are learning to all of these relationships. Therefore, we include the following study. We invite you to apply it to your own unique situation. God calls us as father and mother to a vocation of supreme importance. He calls us to be the architects for lives of infinite worth. God calls us to make Jesus Christ the cornerstone. What we do now will be the basis on which our children themselves will build their lives as temples of God. At times, in the midst of daily tasks, colds and illnesses, the preparation of meals and homework for school, the work may seem insignificant and endless, but that is not true. Every day through relationships and family happenings, we are establishing foundations that have eternal significance. Who are these little ones that today we carry in our arms, and what will they become? How can we apply the preventive principles of good communication, the creative use of conflict, and a new model for sexuality to the upbringing of our children? What would Jesus do? How would Jesus relate to them day by day? Jesus himself had no children, yet he related to them in the most intimate and loving way. Here we want to share some guidelines for this most important task. There is probably no perfect way, and if there were, there would not be perfect parents to put it in practice. What we see in the Gordon and Covey studies is a serious attempt to apply these same preventive and biblical principles of good communication and the creative use of conflict to all family relationships, and thus fulfill the teaching of Jesus: Let the little children come to me; do not stop them, for it is to such as these that the Kingdom of God belongs (Mark 10:14).1 With these words Jesus redefines child, as he has redefined other words on other occasions, recognizing the infinite value of every child (Matthew 5:21, 27, 38, 43). The disciples, on rebuking the persons who brought the children to Jesus, were reflecting the ancient concept of

Since the preparation of this text, a new book has been published which is very much in harmony with the preventive principles. It is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey. Golden Books, New York, 1997. We highly recommend its study.

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who children are and how they should be treated. But Jesus was indignant, and he ordered that the children be brought near. Let us think carefully together of what he might have had in mind when he said, Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it (Luke 18:17). Use a summary of the first half of the book Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) by Thomas Gordon, including the segment on Conflicts: Who will win them? Or use a summary of the first half of the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families of Stephen R. Covey. 3. EXERCISE: MY USE OF THE PREVENTIVE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD COMMUNICATION AND THE CREATIVE USE OF CONFLICT WITH OUR CHILDREN Purpose: To apply the teaching to our family and/or to the children we know. It is suggested that each person take a few minutes to explore this theme alone, and then share with the group.

5 15 30 60

(A) Individually think about these ideas. (B) Share with the entire group, using I discovered about myself... REST TIME 4. TEACHING: HOW TO EMPLOY THE PREVENTIVE PRINCIPLES WITH OUR CHILDREN Use the second half of either of the two books. This will be only a beginning of this study. 5. EXERCISE: MY USE OF THE PREVENTIVE PRINCIPLES AND CHANGES I WISH TO MAKE Purpose: To apply the teachings to our family life and/or to the children I know. It is suggested that each person explore this theme alone, and then share with the group.

5 15 30

(A) Individually think about these ideas. (B) Share with the entire group, using I discovered about myself... 6. CLOSING WORSHIP A song of praise Bible study: Ephesians 3:14-21 Apply the three questions: 1. What does the passage say? 2. What did the passage mean to the first hearers and readers? 3. What does it mean to me? Prayer for each candidate and end with the benediction.

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APPENDIX A
THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles
(ATW for Singles)

FORMS FOR THE CERTIFICATION PROCESS

Form N 1:

Report (Level III - Instructors) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123

Form N 2:

Control sheet for the certification process (Level III - Instructors) . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124

Form N 3:

Report (Level IV - Advanced instructors) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125

Form N 4:

Control sheet for the certification process (Level IV - Advanced instructors) . . . . 126

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RENDER THEREFORE TO CAESAR THE THINGS THAT AT CAESARS AND TO GOD THE THINGS THAT ARE GODS

Matthew 22:21

123

THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles (ATW) Level III


REPORT OF THE CERTIFIED FACILITATOR OR THE INSTRUCTOR IN TRAINING for fulfilling requirements for certification as an instructor: 2 of REW and BTW combined
Form N 1

First and last names______________________________________________________________________ Co-leaders (if there were)_________________________________________________________________ Date of workshop ________________ Place__________________________________________________ Brief description of workshop ______________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ Total hours of workshop _______________ Number of participants _____________________________ Names, mailing address, telephone, fax or e-mail of participants: 1. ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ 3. ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ 5. ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ 7. ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ 2. ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ 4. ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ 6. ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ 8. ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________

Please submit eight evaluations of each combined REW and BTW with this report. Return this form to: Name __________________________________ Address _______________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

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THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles) -- Level III

CONTROL SHEET FOR THE CERTIFICATION PROCESS OF THE INSTRUCTORS IN TRAINING


Form N 2

First and last names: _____________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ Mailing address _________________________________________ Telephone ______________________ Fax _________________________ E-mail ___________________________________________________

Requirements for certification: 1. With the instructors, share in the leadership of the REW and BTW (46 hours): Date _____________ Place ____________________________________________________________ Number of persons __________ Church, organization _______________________________________

2. With the instructors, participate in 16 more hours of training at Level III (the ATW: a total of 62 hours): Place ____________________________________________Date _____________________________

3. First practice, REW and BTW: Date of workshop ___________ Place __________________________ Number of persons _______ Church, organization __________________________________________ Date report received ______________________

4. Second practice, REW and BTW: Date of workshop _________ Place __________________________ Number of persons _______ Church, organization __________________________________________ Date report received ______________________

5. Two reports of the instructor in training, with ATW Form No. 1 attached.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

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THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles) Level IV

REPORT OF THE CERTIFIED INSTRUCTORS OR THE ADVANCED INSTRUCTORS IN TRAINING for fulfilling requirements for certification as an advanced instructor: 2 of REW, BTW, and ATW combined
Form N 3

First and last names______________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ Co-leaders (if there were)_________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ Date of workshop _____________ Place_____________________________________________________ Brief description of workshop ______________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ Total hours of workshop _____________ Number of persons ________________

Names, mailing address, telephone, fax or e-mail of participants: 1. _____________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

3. _____________________________________ 4. ___________________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

5. _____________________________________ 6. ___________________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

7. _____________________________________ 8. ___________________________________________ _______________________________________ _______________________________________ ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

Eight evaluations from the same workshop are required, to be sent in with this report. Please return this form to:______________________________________________________________________
Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

126

THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles) Level IV

CONTROL SHEET FOR THE CERTIFICATION PROCESS OF THE ADVANCED INSTRUCTORS IN TRAINING
Form N 4

First and last names _____________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ Mailing address ________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ Telephone _____________________ Fax _________________________ E-mail __________________________________________________

Requirements for certification:

1. First practice, combined REW and BTW: Date _____________ Number of persons ________________ Place _____________________________________________________________________________ Church, organization _________________________________________________________________

2. Second practice, combined REW and BTW: Date ___________ Number of persons _______________ Place _____________________________________________________________________________ Church, organization _________________________________________________________________

3. Third practice, combined REW and BTW: Date ____________ Number of persons _______________ Place _____________________________________________________________________________ Church, organization _________________________________________________________________

4. Fourth practice, combined REW and BTW: Date ____________ Number of persons ______________ Place _____________________________________________________________________________ Church organization__________________________________________________________________

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

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APPENDIX B
THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles
(ATW for Singles)

TEACHING CHARTS

Suggestions for the preparation of the permanent teaching charts: (See BTW, Appendix E, page 99.)

Ground Rules (Use the teaching chart prepared for the REW)

The Golden Rule (Use teaching chart prepared for the REW)

The Great Commandment (Use the teaching chart prepared for the REW)

The Judgment of the Nations (Use the teaching chart prepared for the REW)

The Goal (Use the teaching chart prepared for the REW)

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WHAT DO YOU THINK? IF A MAN HAS A HUNDRED SHEEP AND ONE OF THEM HAS GONE ASTRAY, DOES HE NOT LEAVE THE NINETY-NINE ON THE MOUNTAINS AND GO IN SEARCH OF THE ONE THAT WENT ASTRAY? AND IF HE FINDS IT, TRULY I SAY TO YOU, HE REJOICES OVER IT MORE THAN OVER THE NINETY-NINE THAT NEVER WENT ASTRAY. SO IT IS NOT THE WILL OF MY FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN THAT ONE OF THESE LITTLE ONES SHOULD PERISH.
Matthew 18:12-14

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APPENDIX C

THE ADVANCED TRAINING WORKSHOP for Singles


(ATW for Singles)

SPECIAL CEREMONIES
Introduction: Here are offered two additional ceremonies that may be used for the consecration of instructors (Level III) and advanced instructors (Level IV) when they are officially certified and ready to be fully involved in the leadership of a ministry with singles. Of course, these ceremonies may be used as they are, adapted, or others substituted for them, as desired. Therefore, they may be used as a part of a public service of worship on any Sunday.

A CEREMONY OF CONSECRATION FOR THE INSTRUCTOR A message that the instructor being consecrated may present: There is a childrens story that goes something like this: Once there was a hen who had lots of little chicks. Every morning she would rise, prepare breakfast and feed her little chicks, clean the house, and then go shopping at the market. Every day was the same. The mother hen was terribly bored with her life. Then, one day as she was walking to market, she saw another kind of bird flying over head. Suddenly, it occurred to her that she, too, would like to fly. So she went home and practiced and practiced. She practiced so much that finally one day she lifted her wings and flew! She flew over her little house, over the green fields, over the city, and soon she arrived at the market place. It was so very beautiful to soar above the countryside. She saw all of life from a new perspective, things so lovely, sights she had never before imagined or seen. So from that day on she never walked to market. Rather, she lifted her wings and flew, and each day her life was filled with joy and adventure! A childrens story? Yes, but it encompasses a very important truth: It was never the intention of God that life on planet Earth be monotonous, burdensome, boring, or sad. Rather, God sent us his beloved Son so that we might have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). But, the question is how? After surrendering our lives to our Lord and receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit, how can we experience the promised next step? How can we receive the abundant life that God has planned for us? We have good news! God has taught us biblical and preventive principles which, when they are faithfully practiced, will bring us to that abundant life, full of adventure and joy. They will help us to fly! These principles are taught in the Relationship Enrichment Workshop. As they are practiced, they help us to attain the satisfying and significant interpersonal relationships of which we have always dreamed, and which God desires for us.

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No one is born with the knowledge of how to make our relationships grow. No one is born knowing how to be a good communicator: how to express oneself, or how to listen to the other. No one is born knowing how to use conflict creatively, so that through the conflicts (which are a normal part of all relationships), we can deepen our love for one another and grow in mutual appreciation (instead of separation). No one is born knowing how to relate to other persons of both sexes in healthy ways, as God planned it to be. In the past, all of us, by imitating imperfect models, have gained some concept of what it means to be a family member or friend. Now, by learning and applying the principles which are taught in the workshop, we can improve our ability to communicate, to use conflict creatively, and to help us attain a more complete understanding of ourselves as a man or woman, as persons, and how to relate more meaningfully to one another. These principles are certainly not magic. However, the persons who practice them faithfully experience miracles in their individual lives and in their interpersonal relationships. They discover that life, instead of being monotonous, burdensome, boring, or sad, can be more and more abundant. These preventive principles have always been in the heart of our heavenly Father, and now he has made them known to us (John 16:12-16). The Relationship Enrichment Workshop encompasses 22 hours of focus on how to build healthy relationships. This is not a seminar, but a workshop. After hearing each of these principles explained, workshop participants immediately practice what has been taught by means of exercises which help them to make the teachings their own. Strengthening the relationships of each person is the goal of everything that takes place. Each person is responsible for his/her own growth. In the workshops, there is no confrontation, analysis, or counseling, but only mutual support. At all times, confidentiality is protected. All participation is voluntary. However, the more that one enters into the workshop process, the more that one will experience new life as a person. Each workshop is led by two facilitators carefully trained in the Relationship Enrichment process. Nevertheless, the facilitators do not consider themselves to be experts, but rather, they consider each workshop as a new opportunity to continue to grow in their personal lives and in their relationships with other. For whom are the workshops designed? Who may participate? The only requirement for participating in a workshop is to want to grow in ways which will make ones interpersonal relationships stronger, more healthy, more beautiful. It matters not if you already has good relationships or if you are experiencing serious challenges in one or more of your relationships. If you have not yet taken a workshop, God has a wonderful gift waiting for you, a gift which will last the rest of your lives. Wherever you are in your personal growth, you will leave the workshop better equipped in the areas of communication skills, how to use conflict creatively, and a new appreciation for who you are as a person. The God who loves you will be there in the meeting room, with arms outstretched, waiting for you. He has promised: They shall mount up with wings like eagles! (Isaiah 40:31). We can all learn to fly!


Words of consecration which may be spoken by the pastor:

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It is our privilege and joy to recognize this person (these persons) who have completed the requirements to be certified as instructors by REAPP/APEMAL. This means that they are prepared not only to lead a Relationship Enrichment Workshop (Level I), but also to train other facilitators (Level II), and thus multiply this ministry which is so very significant and essential. Their responsibility within REAPP/ APEMAL is enlarged, and with the responsibility comes a new opportunity to serve the Lord and a greater number of singles and their families. So now we invite ________ and _______ to come forward and to kneel here, so that we might consecrate them for this new extension of their ministry with singles. Secondly, we invite other instructors to come, and also others who are certified as facilitators, to come and bless your companions, to pray for them. Thirdly, we invite all those who have been trained in Levels I and II to come and participate in the prayer of consecration. Finally, we invite all of you who wish to form part of this team, who are willing to make a serious commitment support this ministry in practical ways, to pray for them, to do spiritual warfare for and with them, to join us here. We shall sing ________ while you come forward. The person or persons may kneel while the pastor consecrates them. Then, they may respond with their own words.

A CEREMONY OF CONSECRATION FOR THE ADVANCED INSTRUCTORS This message may be presented by the advanced instructors to be consecrated: Long before she was old enough to read the Bible or study mathematics, one little girl began to discover for herself that God is the great multiplier. She watched as each spring her parents sowed tiny seeds in the empty, cultivated, fertile soil. Then they prayed to the Creator. Before long little green leaves began to appear, opening the warm earth and reaching for the sun. In a few more weeks large plants appeared, and throughout the summer her parents harvested and preserved quantities of delicious produce from the family garden: lettuce, radishes, peas, tomatoes, green peppers, Swiss chard, beans, potatoes, and much more. The careful observer of nature will never cease being astonished and awed by the creative work of our heavenly Father. Everywhere one looks there is amazing multiplication: immense trees with luxuriant foliage born from diminutive seeds, myriads of flowers of extravagant colors, forms and fragrances, each emerging from those tiny life-containing and life-producing seeds. In Genesis we read that Gods first words to all plant life were: Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with seed in it (1:11). To every living creature, God said, Be fruitful and multiply (1:22), and to humankind, created in their own image, God said a final, Be fruitful and multiply... (1:27,28).

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When God wanted to create a nation for himself, he called Abram and said to him Go...and I will make of you a great nation... (12:2). Years later when God changed Abrams name to Abraham, it was because I will make you exceedingly numerous and you shall be the ancestor of a multitude of nations (17:2). Generations later, Moses, in his farewell words to the nation of Israel, could say The Lord your God has multiplied you, so that today you are as numerous as the stars in heaven. (Deuteronomy 1:10). God is the great multiplier! From the beginning of his public ministry, it was evident that Jesus himself thought in terms of multiplication. His first words to Simon and Andrew, to James and John, were Follow me, and I will make your fishers of men (Matthew 4:19). The multiplication continued when Jesus sent the twelve and then the seventy to preach in all the towns and villages where he would later go. Jesus multiplied the loaves and the fish. His parables about the mustard seed, the yeast, and the sower who went out to sow all reveal that one of the secrets of the Fathers kingdom is the certainty, the importance, the urgency of multiplication. According to St. Matthew, his last words to his disciples were Go, make disciples of all nations...and lo I am with you always...to the end of the age (Matthew 28:19-20). Luke tells us that Jesus said, You will be my witnesses...to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). Soon after we hear of the expansion of the church from 12 to 120 to 3,000 to 5,000 in a brief time. From there on the explosion was so great that Luke could no longer keep us up to date on the growth. Simply, in Acts 6:7 he says, The word of God continued to spread... and the number of disciples increased greatly. Today we are witnesses that God continues to multiply the number of sons and daughters belonging to his incomparable family and that all this is because only God, the great multiplier, gives the growth (I Corinthians 3:6). What does this mean for us? 1. What we have experienced in every workshop is the work of God. It is the Lord Jesus himself who is present in each experience to multiply blessings to the participants. These biblical and preventive principles have always been in our Fathers heart, and so it is the life-giving work of the Holy Spirit, working through the preventive principles, bringing light and understanding to persons, putting tools in their hands, which brings about the transformation of lives and relationships. Not only are individuals blessed, but when enriched persons teach and practice these principles in their homes, they multiply blessings to their children. Often both couples and singles are exhorted to live in peace and harmony, without giving them the training and tools to do so. How happy are the participants of the workshops when they both hear the good news and practice the principles showing them how to communicate more effectively, or how to use conflict to help them understand and draw closer to one another, or to discover the wonder of who they are as children of the heavenly Father. Love is multiplied in their homes and relationships. There is another dimension of multiplication that God has placed on our hearts. It is the multiplication of the movement of Relationship Enrichment wherever there is need. Our own relationships have been immensely blessed and we continue to grow in our love for one another. We believe that God has called us to bless others. Toward this end we have prepared ourselves and now commit ourselves to His service.

2.

3.


Words of consecration by the pastor or the pastors:

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As we acknowledge _______ and _______ as an advanced instructors, we consecrate them to share in leadership of REAPP/APEMAL in our region (nation). It is a tremendous responsibility, with enormous potential. Along with the other advanced instructors they will form the national team of visionaries who will guide the future multiplication of this movement: seeking Gods direction for the mission outreach and the expansion and establishment of this work in other regions and lands; helping enriched persons establish Growth groups which will foster on-going transformation; continuing to train new leadership.

The advanced instructors will have as a primary responsibility the multiplication of the Relationship Enrichment Workshops, until every person in this nation has had an opportunity to grow in their personal life and in their interpersonal relationships. Only then can there be the healthiest of churches in a healthy society....the family of God. Multiplication! It is Gods plan for us. As his laborers, we begin by sowing the seed and we end by sharing in the harvest that God gives. Glory to his name! Now, we want to invite _______ and _______ to (come forward and) kneel here so that we may acknowledge the work they have already accomplished and consecrate them for this new responsibility: an even greater ministry with singles. Next, we would like to invite other instructors and all of those trained in Levels III and IV to come forward to pray for them. Third, we invite all of the certified and practicing facilitators who are present to join us. While they are coming, we shall sing ______________. The person or persons may kneel while the pastor or pastors pray for them. Then the consecrated persons may respond with their own words.

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ARE YOU ABLE TO DRINK THE CUP THAT I AM TO DRINK?...

Matthew 20:22

135

THE PRE-MARITAL WORKSHOP

An Adaptation of the Marriage Enrichment Workshop for Engaged Couples

136

JESUS STOPPED AND CALLED THEM, SAYING, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU?

Matthew 20:12

137

CONTENTS

THE PRE-MARITAL WORKSHOP

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An adaptation for engaged couples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139

Appendix A Handouts and forms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141

138

WHATEVER YOU ASK IN PRAYER, YOU WILL RECEIVE, IF YOU HAVE FAITH.

Matthew 21:22

139

THE PRE-MARITAL WORKSHOP (PMW)


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An adaptation of the MEW for engaged couples

(In order to use this workshop, you will need a copy of Vol. I, Growing in Marital Love for the teachings. However, the exercises for the Pre-Marital Workshop are found in the present volume on pages 141- 165.) In response to many requests from engaged couples, their parents and pastors, we here offer an adaptation of the Marriage Enrichment Workshop (MEW) for your use in a preparatory workshop. Our primary purpose and goal at this time is to give these engaged persons, through thoughtful teachings and practical exercises, an opportunity to evaluate their relationship and at the same time elaborate plans for individual and relational growth, which in turn will allow them to evaluate in the near future how compatible and suitable they are for one another, in order to reconfirm, postpone, or dissolve their engagement. This Pre-Marital Workshop should by taught by a married couple. In cultures where engagements may NOT be broken, it might be better to call this The Pre-Engagement Workshop . 1. As we re-study the teachings of the MEW, it seems to us that with only slight changes, the same teachings can be very useful to prepare the engaged persons for Christian marriage. Making these adaptations will be so slight that we leave this in your hands, trusting in the wisdom God will give you. We are also aware that there are great differences in age, maturity, proximity to a wedding date, etc., between engaged couples. We need to be sensitive to these as we lead a PMW. It is possible to include in the Pre-Marital Workshop couples from a variety of churches whose pastors wish to cooperate in this project. At the close of the PMW you may consult with the participants as to the formation of a growth group. The pages that follow are adaptations of the exercises which you may photocopy and use. The same General instructions and Materials used for the MEW will also serve for the PMW. We recommend the use of Appendix C Making finances fun (page 91, Vol. II). After the first year of marriage, it would be advisable that these same couples, having experienced the reality of married life, take the MEW as preventive maintenance. In this way they may further strengthen their lives and their relationship. According to Drs. David and Vera Mace, the first year is the most opportune time for orienting and firmly establishing a marriage. In regard to the questions and answers about sexuality which are shared in the Conversation (MEW, Session IV), we suggest that the questions from the women be given to the wife of the

2.

3.

4.

5. 6. 7. 8.

9.

140

facilitating couple, and the questions from the men be given to the husband of the facilitating couple. At the appropriate moment, the group may be divided in two. The wife may converse with the women, and the husband may converse with the men. Thus there will be a greater sense of freedom and confidentiality for this time of intimate sharing.

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APPENDIX A

THE PRE-MARITAL WORKSHOP (PMW) HANDOUTS AND FORMS

Stage I: N 1

Our personal and engagement histories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143

Stage II: N 1 Five characteristics of a Christian marriage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 144 N 2 Marriage potential inventory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 145 N 3 Positive aspects of our engagement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 146 Stage III: N 1 N 2 N 3 N 4 N 5 N 6 N 7 N 8 N 9 N 10 N 11 N 12 N 13 N 14 N 15 N 16

Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Developing the capacity for self-expression . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Communication Cycle (in sheet protector) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Communication Rainbow (in sheet protector) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My use of the Communication Rainbow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Do we really know one another? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Communication Cycle: Action plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bridges to effective communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 and 10: When I am angry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Process the anger (in sheet protector) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Four adequate options for resolving disagreements (in sheet protector) . . . . . . . . . . . . . How do we resolve disagreements? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coping with conflict constructively . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 and 10: Growing in intimacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Communication Traffic Light . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My use of the Communication Traffic Light . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162

Stage IV N 1 Growth plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163 N 2 Pre-marital growth plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 164 Stage V: N 1 Invitation and confirmation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165 N 2 Evaluation of the Pre-Marital Workshop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 166

142

ALL AUTHORITY IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH HAS BEEN GIVEN TO ME. GO THEREFORE AND MAKE DISCIPLES OF ALL NATIONS, BAPTIZING THEM IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND OF THE SON AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, TEACHING THEM TO OBSERVE ALL THAT I HAVE COMMANDED YOU; AND LO, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, TO THE CLOSE OF THE AGE.

Matthew 28:18-20


OUR PERSONAL AND ENGAGEMENT HISTORIES
PMW (Level I): Handout N 1, Stage I

143

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Each couple is invited together to present themselves to the group as individuals and as an engaged couple by preparing a picture of their families of origin and their plans for marriage. It is suggested that you divide your large sheet of paper into 3 sections. On the left side the man will write his name, date of birth, and he will draw pictures to depict his family of origin. On the right side the woman will write her name, date of birth, and she will draw pictures to tell the story of her family of origin. In the central section you will share your engagement history. Each one will write down or sketch: name and birth date names of parents and their occupations something important learned from them your place of birth number of brothers and sisters (include yourself in birth order) a sad childhood experience a happy childhood experience

In the central section of the sheet, together you will sketch your engagement history: when, where, and how you first knew one another your wedding plans plans for your life together your occupations or professions a sad experience of your friendship or engagement a comical experience of your friendship or engagement a happy experience of your friendship or engagement

You will have about 20 minutes to prepare your drawing together. Be creative. Try to tell your story mainly in pictures rather than in words. Decide between yourselves who will present each part of the story.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

144 FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE


PMW (Level I): Handout N 1, Stage II

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You are invited to initiate a self-evaluation of your marriage goals and the steps you wish to take to attain those goals. To begin, write down your personal thoughts regarding each of the five characteristics. Later you will share them and compare notes with your friend. 1. A man shall leave his father and mother indicates the need for self-identity, the separation from our families of origin.

2.

Let no one separate means that Gods intention for us has always been a permanent marriage relationship.

3.

What God has joined together means that the God of love is the Author and the Fountain of our marriage covenant, and we can love one another only to the degree that we are rooted in Gods love.

4.

The two shall become one flesh comprises the couples greatest challenge, as they learn to live the Golden Rule while they seek to establish a balance between individuality and unity.

5.

The One who made them at the beginning made them male and female means that the goal of a Christian marriage is together to live to love and serve God and neighbor.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP/)


MARRIAGE POTENTIAL INVENTORY1
PMW (Level 1): Handout N 2, Stage II

145

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Each person, working individually, scores each item from 1 (unsatisfactory) to 10 (very satisfactory) your evaluation of your shared goals and your present relationship with respect to the factors listed here. We suggest that this be only the beginning of In-depth dialogue regarding these important issues and that at a time in the near future you will take advantage of this exercise to share even more thoroughly regarding your individual expectations and desires related to each topic.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11.

Common goals and values Commitment to growth Communication skills Creative use of conflict Appreciation/affection Agreement on gender roles Cooperation/team work Sexual attraction Money management Decision making Family planning: contraceptives and number of children Caring for and disciplining of children

__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________

__________ __________

12.

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

146 POSITIVE ASPECTS OF OUR ENGAGEMENT


PMW (Level I): Handout N 3, Stage II1

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We invite each person to complete the three phrases and then face to face, alternating points, share your thoughts. Then discuss them. Be specific with your answers. The emphasis should always be on positive aspects of the relationship and what each one will do to improve it.

1. Three things that I like about our relationship...

2. Three things about our relationship that are good, but could be better...

3. Three specific things that I am willing to do to improve our relationship...

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.


EMOTIONS
PMW (Level I): Handout N1, Stage III

147

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Here is a list of words that describe emotions. Perhaps it will remind you of some of your own feelings and help you express them. abandoned aggressive astute bold calm cheerful confused crafty decided discontent egotistic expectant fascinated frightened gorgeous happy humbled impulsive inspired jeopardized kissable lovely needy overwhelmed patient playful provoked renewed restless satisfied sensual sleepy smashing stimulated suspicious terrible timid uncomfortable unyielding valueless accepted alarmed awed bored capable competent content creative defenseless discouraged empty exposed fearful frustrated great hesitant hypocritical incapable intimate joyful knowledgeable marvelous nervous pained permissive pleased quick repelled resolute scared serene special sneaky stubborn sympathetic terrific tired undervalued useful vibrant afraid angry belittled bothered capricious comfortable cool crushed denied desirous esteemed failing fine fulfilled grieved honored hysteric indifferent intolerant jubilant languishing melancholy nice paralyzed perplexed preoccupied quiet repugnant robust scorned sick speedy spiteful stupid tearful terrified tranquil uneasy useless weak affectionate anxious bitter brave caring cold cordial cunning depressed doubtful embarrassed fallible firm furious grieving hot impatient indignant irritated justified lonely merry offended passionate perturbed protected rejected resentful rushed secure sincere small spoiled strong tender thankful trapped unhappy valiant well affirmed ashamed blessed broken challenged confident cowardly curious despised encouraged evasive fantastic forgotten gallant handsome hug-able important insecure jealous kind loved moved optimistic pathetic pessimistic proud relaxed respected sad self-centered skeptical smart static supported tense threatened trusting unsteady valued wounded

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

148 DEVELOPING THE CAPACITY FOR SELF-EXPRESSION


PMW(Level I): Handout N 2, Stage III

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You are invited to consider the theme Planning a fun day or Planning a special celebration and to formulate sentences that begin with I to express yourself in relation to that theme: 1. Two bits of information (physical, spiritual, or psychological perceptions): smell...I taste...I touch...I perceive...I observe...I note... I see...I hear...I

2.

Two thoughts: I remember...I think...I believe...I understand...I am of the opinion...I imagine...

3.

Two sentiments (emotions): I feel...

4.

Two expectations: I expect...I anticipate...

5.

Two needs: I need...

6.

Two desires (for myself, for my fiancee, for others): I want...I wish...I desire...

7.

Two values: This signifies for me...This has ______importance for me...

8.

Two intentions: I am committed to...I intend to...

9.

Two performances (actions): I am going to...

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE
PMW(Level I): Handout N 3, Stage III

149

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I.

The Speaker sends a message, expressing him or herself. 1. Information: Information that I receive through my 5 senses and also with my spiritual and psychological senses: I see...I hear...I smell...I touch...I feel...I observe...I note...I perceive... 2. Thoughts: I remember...I think...I believe...I understand...I am of the opinion... 3. Sentiments (emotions): I feel... 4. Expectations: I expect...I anticipate... 5. Needs: I need... 6. Desires: (for myself, for my friend, for others): I want...I wish...I desire...I would like... 7. Value: This signifies for me...This has ____ importance for me... 8. Intentions: I am committed to...I intend to...I promise...I have decided... 9. Performance: I am going to...

II. The Listener receives the message. 1. Pays attention: He or she observes the verbal and non-verbal expressions. 2. Restates: After each sentence or two, the Listener summarizes the message heard to be sure that he or she has understood correctly: I understood you to say...I think you said...I believe I heard... Summarizing is key to communication. 3. Inquires: Is that correct?...Did I understand you correctly...? III. The Speaker responds. 1. Confirms: Yes, you understood correctly...Thats right... 2. Clarifies: I also said... 3. Corrects: Please let me explain again... IV. The Listener invites the Speaker to continue. 1. What else would you like to say?...Anything more?...Tell me more...

h h h h

Until the Speaker has expressed all that he or she wants to say in regard to the topic, or Until the agreed upon and available time is ended. Then the two change roles. In this way the Communication Cycle is complete. If a very important idea comes to the mind of the Listener while listening, he or she may write it down in abbreviated form (to be shared later), while still listening to the Speaker.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

150 THE COMMUNICATION RAINBOW1


PMW (Level I): Handout N 4, Stage III

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The six colors of the Communication Rainbow indicate: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. The point of view or the position of the Speaker, The possible variety of expressions (positive and negative) of each interchange, The shades of meaning of verbal and non-verbal expressions, The attitude or intent of the Speaker, The emotion (gestures, tone of voice, facial expression) of the Speaker, The degree of responsibility of the Speaker.

Adapted and used with the permission of Phyllis and Rand Michael: The Colors of Communication, 1994. 14385 S.W. 80th Place, Tigard, OR.97244. Copyright.


MY USE OF THE COMMUNICATION RAINBOW
PMW (Level I): Handout N 5, Stage III

151

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Try to remember conversations you had with one another last week. Write down one or two sentences that you spoke to your friend in which you used the 6 colors. Combative (Red)

Controlling (Orange)

Conciliatory (Yellow)

Collaborative (Green)

Caring (Blue)

Querying (Purple)

Which colors of the Communication Rainbow or attitudes predominate in your manner of speaking?

What changes do you want to make in your use of the six colors?

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

152 DO WE REALLY KNOW ONE ANOTHER?


PMW (Level I): Handout N 6, Stage III

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Sometimes we think we know one another better than in reality we do. If we do not really know onanother, it is impossible to understand each other. This exercise gives us an opportunity to know one another better. Please individually answer this series of questions, then share your answers with your partner, seeking to understand one another better. 1. What is your friends major concern or worry?

2. What is his or her major non-material need?

3. What is his or her special unrealized dream?

4. What is one of his or her most frequent complaints?

5. What new area of life would he or she like to explore?

Share each of your answers by turn, seeking to deepen your appreciation of one another. Then answer the following questions individually: 6. How can I be more supportive of my friend in at least one of these five areas?

7. According to the example and teachings of Jesus, what can I do to value my friend more during our time of engagement ?

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles ( REAPP)


THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE ACTION PLAN
PMW (Level I): Handout N 7, Stage III

153

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Topic discussed: ________________________________________ Date: __________________________ Agreement arrived at: ___________________________________________________________________ Commitment made: 1. What steps will I take to fulfill the commitment? He: She: Others: 2. Why am I going to do this? He: She: Others: 3. When will I do this? He: She: Others: 4. Where will I plan on doing this? He: She: Others: 5. With whom will I do it? He: She: Others: 6. How do I expect to accomplish it? What steps will I take? He: She: Others: 7. With what resources? He: She: Others: Follow-up date: ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

___________________ ___________________ ___________________

___________________ ___________________ ___________________

___________________ ___________________ ___________________

___________________ ___________________ ___________________

___________________ ___________________ ___________________

___________________ ___________________ ___________________

______________________________________ _____________________________________________ He She _________________________________________ _____________________________________________ Others

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

154 BRIDGES TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION1


PMW (Level I): Handout N 8, Stage III

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1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.

17. 18. 19. 20. 21.

Choose an hour and create an environment conducive to listening, free from all distractions. Listen as you would to your most admired celebrity. Treat each person as special and unique. Appreciate the opinions and rights of the other. In the area of human communication, there may always be distinct and equally valid points of view. Listen for the message of the heart behind the words. Try to see life from the others perspective. Continually deepen your understanding of the other. Trust others and communicate that trust to them. Accept with an open mind what others say, although you may not be in agreement. Be very attentive to and accepting of both positive and negative emotions of the other. Do not interrupt one another. Be patient. Use a warm, friendly tone of voice. Courtesy is basic to all human relations. Do not offer unsolicited advice, nor criticism, but rather help the other to discover his or her own answers and solutions. Accept the fact that the other has private thoughts and feelings. It is not advisable to share every thought. One must always choose what to say and seek edifying ways to express oneself. Before sending a negative message, ask yourself 4 questions: Is it true?, Is this the best time?, Is it constructive?, Will it enrich our relationship? If the answer to any of these questions is no, it is better not to speak. Be aware of your own ITS END: V.I.P. and send messages beginning with I. Avoid the use of always and never, when this involves an exaggeration. Use why only to obtain information, not to require self-justification. It is preferable to ask, What happened? Learn from the past, but seek to focus your communication primarily on the present and future. Clear up misunderstandings as quickly as possible.

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.


10 and 10: WHEN I AM ANGRY1
PMW (Level I): Handout N 9, Stage III

155

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Now its your turn, together with your friend, to think about When I am angry (causes, sentiments, actions, desires), and thus to accomplish your 10 and 10. You are invited to share with one another face to face, alternating, one theme at a time. Use the Communication Cycle. You will have 5 minutes to converse about each topic. 1. Causes: What kinds of situations cause me to be angry with you?

2. Sentiments: What other feelings or emotions do I experience when I am angry with you?

3. Actions: How do I behave when I am angry?

4. Desires: How do I wish I had acted in moments when I was angry with you?

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

156 PROCESS THE ANGER


PMW (Level I): Handout N 10, Stage III

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1.

Before conflicts and between conflicts, we create a life style: a. We affirm one another and build the relationship in every way possible, seeking: to practice the Golden rule; to love one another as Christ loves us; to cultivate clear communication; to value one another mutually and to demonstrate it in our daily lives. b. When there is disagreement or potential conflict, before the anger appears, be the first to say, I want to listen to you. c. Recognize and accept our anger: agree not to attack the other; self-control is key to the process.

2. In the moment of anger, process the anger: a. Anger is a normal emotion; admit it. I am beginning to feel angry. b. Each will ask the other for help. Help me to process the anger. c. Search for the primary emotion behind the anger. Share it and listen to one another without interrupting. Name the primary emotion, share it, and listen to one another. d. Forgive one another. Will you please forgive me?... I forgive you...

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


FOUR ADEQUATE OPTIONS FOR RESOLVING DISAGREEMENTS1
PMW (Level I): Handout N 11, Stage III

157

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YIELD One of the two submits to what the other desires (Eph.5:21). It is a voluntary relinquishing of rights, full of grace, free of resentment. There should be reciprocity (take turns yielding) The favored person should seek an early opportunity to bless the other, by yielding on another occasion. It is a gift of love.

COMPROMISE Each one gives up something and each receives something, so that there is equality in the relationship, and the needs and desires of both are met. This act of compromise also should be granted and accepted freely, with grace (Matthew 7:12).

CO-EXIST The two agree that at times they may come to different decisions, choose different activities. Each one recognizes that both have individual tastes, needs, and interests. With grace, each encourages the other to develop these (Philippians 2:4; 1 Corinthians 10:24).

DISCOVER A NEW POSSIBILITY This final option allows two persons to work together to discover new solutions which neither one had thought of previously. Together they may brainstorm, together explore all of the possible options (perhaps 5 to 10!), use their imagination, and have fun doing it. After carefully considering all of the various options, they may take them to God, the bridge for the relationship, seeking his will and direction. God will surely guide them! (Proverbs 8:17; Jeremiah 29:13; Matthew 7:7).

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

158 HOW DO WE RESOLVE DISAGREEMENTS?1


PMW (Level I): Handout N 12, Stage III

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1.

Which of the four options of resolution do we employ most frequently to resolve our conflicts?

2.

Having utilized these options, what level of success have we experienced in resolving our conflicts?

3.

Other options I would like to use to strengthen our resolution process are:

4.

What am I willing to do to improve our process for resolving disagreements?

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.


COPING WITH CONFLICT CONSTRUCTIVELY1
PMW (Level I): Handout N 13, Stage III

159

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In addition to employing the preventive principles for the Creative use of conflict which include: 1. 2. Processing the anger and Resolving the disagreement.

Here are 15 more guidelines that will help us manage anger and conflict in positive ways: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. Be aware of and deal with your own complaints and hostilities. Be honest with your feelings. Listen to the other without interrupting. Be precise with your facts. Choose an appropriate time to resolve the conflict. Be committed to resolving the conflict as soon as possible. Postpone only until a specific time that same day. Choose the topics, one at a time. Confront the problem, not the other person. Explore together what can be changed and what cannot. Use the Communication cycle: Summarize what you think you heard to be sure you have understood correctly and that what was said has the same meaning for both of you. When there is a question as to the meaning of non-verbal messages, ask the other person to clarify what he or she wants to express. The person who first becomes aware that you have a conflict of ideas may say, We seem to have a conflict. I want to listen to you. Do not bring old issues to the present conflict. When you have resolved the conflict and understand one another, forgive each other.

12.

13.

14. 15.

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

160 10 and 10: GROWING IN INTIMACY


PMW (Level I): Handout N14, Stage III

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Do you remember that Drs. David and Vera Mace define intimacy as shared privacy, or to be fully known and profoundly loved? Intimacy depends on being understood, accepted, appreciated, cared for, loved. Intimacy is experienced when spouses share hopes, doubts, failures, dreams, thoughts, fears, joys, etc. Intimacy occurs when both spouses desire to share a profound relationship, when they love one another, trust one another, and both are willing to work together to attain their goals (MEW, page 102). Even during the engagement period we can begin to make this new definition of intimacy a goal for our relationship. During these next ten minutes you may write a love letter to your sweetheart on the theme What I plan to do to help develop a greater sense of intimacy in our relationship now and after we are married. Then, in the following 10 minutes, share your letters with one another and converse about their content.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles ( REAPP)


THE COMMUNICATION TRAFFIC LIGHT
PMW Level I): Handout N 15, Stage III (Alternate for Handout N 4, Stage III)

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Red combative aggressive argumentative domineering controlling manipulative

Yellow respectful conciliatory polite querying openness to seek answers, to discover new possibilities

Green collaborative cooperative helpful caring affectionate appreciative, valuing

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)

162 MY USE OF THE COMMUNICATION TRAFFIC LIGHT


REW Level 1: Handout N 16, Stage 111 (Alternate for Handout N 5, Stage III)

Try to remember conversations you had with your spouse last week. Write down one or two sentences that you spoke to your spouse in which you use the 3 colors. Red: Combative, aggressive, argumentative, domineering, controlling, manipulative STOP!

Yellow: respectful courteous, polite, querying, openness to seek answers, to discover new possibilities CAUTION!

Green: collaborative, cooperative, helpful, caring, affectionate, appreciative, valuing GO!

1.

Which colors of the Communication Semaphore or attitudes predominate in your manner of speaking?

2.

What changes do you want to make in your use of the three colors?

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)


GROWTH PLAN1
PMW (Level I): Handout N 1, Stage IV

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1.

What do I want to do to grow as a person? Goals 1. 2. 3. Actions 1. 2. 3. Time frame 1. 2. 3. Resources 1. 2. 3.

2. What do I want to do to enable you to grow as a person? Goals 1. 2. 3. Actions 1. 2. 3. Time frame 1. 2. 3. Resources 1. 2. 3.

3. What do we want to do to enable us to grow as an engaged couple? Goals 1. 2. 3. 4. Actions 1. 2. 3. 4. Time frame 1. 2. 3. 4. Resources 1. 2. 3. 4.

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O. Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.

164 PRE-MARITAL GROWTH PLAN1


PMW (Level I): Handout N 2, Stage IV

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1. Man: Goals 1. 2. What do I want to do to grow as a person? Actions 1. 2. Time frame 1. 2. Resources 1. 2.

Woman: What do I want to do to grow as a person? Goals 1. 2. Actions 1. 2. Time frame 1. 2. Resources 1. 2. .

3. Man for woman: What do I want to do to enable you to grow as a person? Goals 1. 2. Actions 1. 2. Time frame 1. 2. Resources 1. 2.

Woman for man: What do I want to do to enable you to grow as a person? Goals 1. 2. Actions 1. 2. Time frame 1. 2. Resources 1. 2.

4. What do we plan to do to enable us to grow as an engaged couple? Goals 1. 2. 3. 4. Actions 1. 2. 3. 4. Time frame 1. 2. 3. 4. Resources 1. 2. 3. 4.

Signed: ___________________________________ Date: ___________________________________

__________________________________

Adapted and used with permission. A.C.M.E., P.O.Box 10596, Winston-Salem, NC 27108.


Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP)
PMW (Level I): Handout N 1, Stage V

165

INVITATION

Dear _________________________________________________, Pre-Marital Workshops (PMW) have one purpose: to offer you as an engaged couple an opportunity to evaluate your present relationship, to learn new skills which will lead to growth, and enable you to plan for the future. Through your presence, each one of you will be giving to your special friend a precious gift: twenty hours of focus on your relationship, learning and practicing preventive principles which will bring a lifetime of joy. Toward that end, we invite you to participate in a Pre-Marital Workshop to take place: Location_________________________________________________________ Date _________________ Schedule ______________________________________________________________________________ The facilitating couple for the event will be: __________________________________________________ Telephone_______________The local organizing couple_______________________________________ Telephone________________ Pre-registration cost _____________Total cost per couple ______________ This amount covers ______________________________________________________________________ Final payment will be due at the beginning of the MEW. Closing date for registration ________________ If for any reason you are unable to attend, please advise the local organizing couple as soon as possible, so that another couple may fill the vacancy. In case of cancellation at the last minute, the cost of supplies (included in the pre-registration) will be retained, and the difference returned to the sender. ____________________________________________________________________________________

CONFIRMATION In order that we may organize the Pre-Marital Workshop in the best way possible, we invite you to provide us with the names, addresses, and pre-registration cost of those who plan to attend, as confirmation of their intent. We look forward to an enriching and remarkable experience together! Please print: Name of the woman _____________________________________________________________________ Address______________________________________________________Telephone _________________ Name of man__________________________________________________________________________ Address______________________________________________________Telephone _________________ Pre-registration fee enclosed_____________ To be canceled at the workshop ________________________

166 EVALUATION OF THE PRE-MARITAL WORKSHOP


PMW (Level I): Handout N 2, Stage V

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Please share with us your responses to each of the following questions. Your answers may remain anonymous. 1. Write three significant new ideas that you received during the workshop.

2. What new skill or skills did you learn that will be especially beneficial to you in your personal life and in your on-going marital growth?

3. Name one way in which you have grown spiritually through participating in the workshop.

4. In what ways were your expectations, needs, and desires met?

5. Do you have any suggestions for improving the workshop experience?

6. What did you enjoy most during this time together?

Thank you for all that you have shared.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP/)

167

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Keith and Marilynn Hamilton retired in 1989 after 41 years of pastoral and missionary work, 21 years of which were spent in South America. In 1991 at the age of 68, they became involved in the area of Marriage Enrichment. Having been prepared by the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment (A.C.M.E, founded by Drs. David and Vera Mace) as trainers (instructors), they introduced Marriage Enrichment in South America. Three years later the Hispanic work took on its own identity as the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment of Latin America (Asociacin para Parejas en Enriquecimiento Matrimonial de Amrica Latina -- APEMAL). By the grace of God, in the next 14 years the Hamiltons had the privilege and joy of presenting more than 340 workshops in 26 nations of South America, Central America, North America, islands of the Pacific and Caribbean regions, and in various countries of Europe, Asia, Africa, and New Zealand to participants of some 80 nations. Their goal is to equip others who will multiply the workshops to the ends of the earth. Some of those couples and singles who have been trained as facilitators (Level 2), instructors (Level 3), and advanced instructors (Level 4) are now actively sharing the workshops in other nations and training more facilitators and instructors. This is the most exciting part! They thank God for each one of them. Thanks to enthusiastic facilitators, their books have since ben translated into more than 20 languages. These self-instructive books for couples were first formally published in Spanish by UNILIT, the editorial arm of Spanish House, in 1997. Their title is Creciendo en el Amor Conyugal, Tomos I y II. The first English edition of the two volumes was created in 1998, under the title of Growing in Marital Love, Volumes I and II. APEMAL adopted the name of REAPP (Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles) when the books were translated into English.

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Also in 1998 a team of instructors in Cali, Colombia, made an adaptation of the Marriage Enrichment materials so as to create the Taller de Relaciones Interpersonales Para Solteros (TRIPS), and the books were entitled Creciendo en Nuestras Relaciones Interpersonales, Tomos I y II (Spanish). A year later this material, too, was translated into English and became the Relationship Enrichment Workshop (REW) for singles. These books are entitled Growing in Our Interpersonal Relations, Volumes I and II. With Ricardo and Gladys Molina, an advanced instructor couple from Colombia, the Hamiltons began to dream of a Family Enrichment Workshop, and a new book is the result of the combined work of these two couples. The Molinas deserve a huge vote of thanks for their self-giving, sacrificial, and inspired contribution to the creation of this workshop. With them, in 2010, the Family Enrichment Workshop (FEW) was created and Growing in Our Family Relations, Vol. I in English and Creciendo en Nuestras Relaciones Familiares, Tomo I came into being.. They invite you to visit their web site : <www.ywamconnect.com/sites/KandMHamilton>. The latest editions of all their books in English and Spanish may be downloaded as a gift to all who wish to grow in their marriage, singles, or family relations. Marilynn was born in Indiana and Keith in Iowa. She completed her studies in sociology (B.A.) at BaldwinWallace College. Keith served in the Air Force during World War II and finished his studies in meteorology (B.S.) at the University of Chicago. Marilynn also completed her Master of Arts degree (M.A.) in Spanish Literature from Indiana University. Both spouses completed theological studies at Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary (M.Div.) and are ordained pastors of the United Methodist Church. The Hamiltons are Specialists in Marriage Enrichment of A.C.M.E. (new name, Better Marriages) and in 1999 were recipients of the Special Recognition Award of that international organization. They work extensively with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and all Christian churches and community groups. They have four living children, eight grandchildren, two great granddaughters, and in December of 2010 they will celebrate 64 years of marriage thanks be to God! Jesus Christ is Lord of the workshops.

Relationship Enrichment by Applying Preventive Principles (REAPP) !+!

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