A GREATVINE PARENTING GUIDE

Child Behaviour

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How do I bring out the

best in my child?

There must be someone who can help...

Becoming a parent is one of the most fulfilling and important roles in life. But that doesnt mean its easy.
We like to think that parenting comes naturally to us, but the truth is that children dont arrive with a manual and we sometimes need a bit of help knowing how to bring out the best in them. At times we might need someone to talk to, to make sure were doing the right thing, to discuss our worries or just to get new ideas. Every parent faces specific and unique challenges, whether their childs usually well behaved but throws the odd tantrum, or seems to be out to challenge them at every turn. Thats why this Greatvine booklet is jam-packed with invaluable advice and expert tips to help you create a happy family life, such as how to set rules and boundaries; dealing with meltdowns in public places; communicating well with your child and raising their self-esteem. The specialists featured have many years of experience helping parents with the particular challenges of dealing with difficult behaviour. Ranging from experienced and respected child psychologists to top behaviour coaches, their gentle and supportive methods can really make a difference to your family.

In this edition
4 6 8 Meet the child behaviour experts Expert Q&A with Dr Rudkin Top tips for better behaviour 10 Next steps for more advice

child behaviour experts

Talk with a top child behaviour specialist, whenever you need
Elaine Halligan
A parenting facilitator with The Parent Practice, Elaines passionate about helping families bring out the best in their children to help them have healthy selfesteem and value themselves for who they are. She knows that encouraging good behaviour and positive discipline are essential for a happy home and calm family. Her practical skills and strategies encourage co-operation and self-reliance, and ensure parents and children can communicate well. Elaine has a particular interest in special educational needs, as she has a son with autism and severe dyslexia. Her sons behaviour was so poor that he was asked to leave his third school. Since then, Elaines methods have had a transformational effect on his learning and self-esteem. Talk with Elaine on 0905 675 4616 - 1.20/min*. greatvine.com/ elaine-halligan Angharad also helps families who are feeling stuck and need support, whether because of a loss, separation or divorce, or another big life change. She uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and has also been trained in other therapies such as systemic therapy and solution-focused therapy. Shes contributed to BBC Radio and TV, and in newspapers & magazines. Talk with Dr Angharad Rudkin on 0906 400 6217 - 1.50/min*. greatvine.com/angharad-rudkin

Meet the

Dr Angharad Rudkin
Angharad is a chartered clinical child psychologist with years of experience helping children and their parents. Particular areas of expertise include children suffering from stress; developmental disorders like autism or ADHD; mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or after a bereavement or trauma.

Jeni Hooper
Child psychologist and parent coach Jeni helps parents make sense of the different ages and stages of childhood. She loves to

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explore how a childs individual strengths and abilities can be supported and nurtured to help them achieve their true potential. Her areas of focus for parents include: building a strong, loving relationship with a child; how to overcome challenges and solve problems with confidence; guiding a childs learning and behaviour from tot to teens; and creating a strong loving family. She can recommend strategies and techniques that give parents the tools to create lasting change. Jeni believes that becoming a confident parent who can cope with whatever comes their way isnt about being perfect. But confidence comes from believing in your ability to love your family - even when someone does something that makes that difficult. Talk with Jeni on 0906 207 2679 - 1.00 per/min*. greatvine.com/jeni-hooper

regularly contributes to TV, radio, newspapers & magazines. Talk with Philippa on 0906 400 6226 - 1.50 per/min*. greatvine.com/philippa-rundle

Dr Sharon Lewis
Sharon aims to support parents so they can confidently deal with the emotional and behavioural difficulties their child might face. As a chartered clinical psychologist with 15 years experience helping children and families, she enjoys promoting positive attachments between parents and children and sees this as a key way to promote childrens mental health. Sharons an expert in developmental disorders, clinical depression, autism and ADHD. Other specialities include childrens sleeping difficulties; emotional and behavioural difficulties; effective discipline strategies; building positive attachments in the family and communicating effectively with children. Talk with Dr Sharon Lewis on 0906 400 6239 - 1.50 per/min*. greatvine.com/sharonlewis
* from a BT landline. Calls from other networks and mobiles may vary. 18+.

Linda Blair
Author of The Happy Child and Straight Talking, for over 30 years Linda has worked with families facing difficulties. A chartered clinical psychologist and researcher, her aim is to help parents overcome any behavioural and emotional problems their child might experience, including eating disorders, sleep disturbance, bedwetting and potty training, fears and phobias, bullying and depression. Lindas study of child development means she can also explain whats happening developmentally in other words, how things look and feel from a childs point of view. That way, parents can learn how to solve problems and give their child the best chance to fulfil their potential. Because shes learned how to help people of all ages, she can also help parents work through the anxieties and feelings of inadequacy they might feel when their childs suffering. Arrange to talk with Linda at: greatvine.com/linda-blair

Dr Philippa Rundle
As a paediatrician who specialises in child behaviour and development, Philippas role is to support parents to manage their children so that they can relax and enjoy family life. Many parents will have concerns about the behaviour of their babies and children as they are growing up and developing, and Philippa can help. Other areas of focus include bed-wetting, bullying, aggression, poor concentration and separation issues. Philippa is also a child bereavement counsellor for Cruse. She

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A GREATVINE PARENTING GUIDE CHILD BEHAVIOUR

Expert Q & A
My child just seems badly behaved most of the time. How can I help them behave better?
When children know whats expected of them and what the consequences of different behaviours are, theyre more likely to behave in the way wed like. So be consistent with your child let them know what the boundaries are and keep these at the same place. If one night you order your child to bed and the next let them stay up until 2am, theyll be confused about what you want. Be clear about what you want your child to do dont give them generalised messages like Be a good boy. Instead, spell it out. So, for example, Play nicely or Dont hit others. Another tip is to be confident when youre setting boundaries say what you mean and mean

Hundreds of parents have turned to Dr Angharad Rudkin for advice on how to tackle their childrens behavioural problems. Here she answers your most frequently asked questions.

with Dr Rudkin
what you say. Children are very good at picking up on feelings, and if youre not confident about asking them to do something then they wont be confident about doing it.

When my son decides to play up somewhere public like the supermarket, it can be really embarrassing. How can I discipline him when were out and about?
It can often feel like children deliberately have tantrums in the most public places, and this may well be true because of all the things that are going on around them. Also, remember that parents tend to feel tenser about their childs behaviour when others are watching. Try negotiating with your child, offering them choices and consequences. One way of phrasing this might be If you calm down we can stay in this shop,

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youll be teaching them a valuable lesson (that you cant get what you want by making people cross) and for yourself (that you can be a more effective parent by staying calm).

My six-year-old is frightened of all sorts of things. What can I do to help?

As they grow up and their awareness of the world increases, children develop fears of different things. If your childs naturally quite fearful theyll need an extra bit of reassurance and support. We all tend to avoid situations or things that make us feel frightened, but the more we avoid it the greater that fear becomes. So encourage your child to manage their anxiety rather than run away from it. You can do this by talking to them in a rational way about their fears. So, for example, say Yes, spiders might not be very nice to look at but they wont cause you any harm and theyre more scared of you than you are of them. Or you could help your child write a project or create a scrapbook about the thing that frightens them the more you know about something, the less scary it usually is.

but if you carry on screaming well have to leave immediately. Its your choice. The key is to remain calm and try not to let yourself worry about what others are thinking. Remember that most onlookers will have been, or will be, in a similar situation at some point in their lives. If your childs having a full-on tantrum then try and get them and yourself out of that situation and keep them safe until they calm down.

I cant get my four-year-old daughter to do anything I ask unless I get cross. Whats the answer?
Your childs pushing the boundaries to see at what point youll set clear expectations. If you only tend to do this when youre feeling cross and frustrated, its more likely that theyll push you to this point next time too. Try setting boundaries clearly and confidently when youre not cross, then if your child starts pushing remain as calm as possible by taking deep breaths and imagining a relaxing place. Theyll keep trying to press your angry buttons until they learn that theres no point. So, if you can remain calm throughout,

Talk with Dr Rudkin

0906 400 6217

1.50/min from a BT landline. Calls from other networks and mobiles may vary. 18+.

www.greatvine.com/angharad-rudkin

A GREATVINE PARENTING GUIDE CHILD BEHAVIOUR

better behaviour
Be consistent your child depends

Top tips for

on you to provide clear boundaries and predictability, day in day out. - Angharad Rudkin

2 3

Mean what you say

and say what you mean

- otherwise how can you expect your child to believe what youre saying? -Angharad Rudkin

Understand that children arent little adults - they think and

see things differently to us. -Angharad Rudkin

4 5

Model the kinds of behaviour you want

to see in your children. This is a lot more effective than telling them what they should be doing. -Angharad Rudkin

Pick your battles and enjoy your children. Children

have a great sense of fun, so join in with this and dont worry about the small things. -Angharad Rudkin

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6 7 8 9

Praise their efforts and attitude, looking

for the qualities they show rather than purely focusing on the end result and achievement. For example, You waited until I finished talking before you said what you wanted to say. That was patient. It takes a lot of self-control to wait your turn. -Elaine Halligan

Establish rules

by working out your values in all areas of family life and stick to them involve your child in setting the rules. -Elaine Halligan

10 11 12

Really listen to your child

by encouraging them to talk about their feelings and emotions. The key is to listen without judgement. -Elaine Halligan

13 14

Aim to praise your child five

Walk a while in your childs shoes: get

times more often than you give directions. Offer specific praise that shows youve noticed and valued what your childs done. Honest but positive feedback wont create unrealistic self-belief, but telling your child they are brilliant at everything might. -Jeni Hooper

Make sure there are meaningful rewards for good

to know their strengths, temperament and moods. This will give you ways to influence them and reduce conflict and confrontation. When theyre very little you can distract them with a favourite activity, and as they grow up you can use your knowledge to offer more carrots than sticks. -Jeni Hooper

Aim to give your child a magical childhood

where life is exciting and interesting. Discover the small things that excite your child and rouse their curiosity. Save the big things for an occasional treat to keep them special. -Jeni Hooper

behaviour. The best rewards neednt cost anything. -Elaine Halligan

Be a parent first and a friend second. Parents

Encourage selfreliance skills from

an early age. The more your child can do things for themselves and be in charge of their own emotions, the less theyll blame others for how theyre feeling. -Elaine Halligan

have to be leaders and willing to be unpopular in the short term over important issues. Set boundaries with four or five positively phrased rules such as Be kind rather than Dont hit. -Jeni Hooper

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A GREATVINE PARENTING GUIDE CHILD BEHAVIOUR

Next steps for

When youre faced with the important role of bringing up a happy and confident child, its good to know where you can get good advice.
Greatvine lets you talk on the phone with the countrys best experts, whenever you need. Choose from leading specialists in over 80 topics covering all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting from breastfeeding and baby sleep to postnatal depression and child nutrition.

more advice
The team includes child psychologists, midwives, breastfeeding specialists, paediatricians, practice nurses, parenting coaches, child nutritionists, counsellors and more. With an average of five qualifications each the experts offer advice you can trust. Friendly and understanding, theyre here to help. Many also contribute to TV, radio and to leading magazines & newspapers. Simply browse the experts profiles, choose a specialist and talk whenever you need.

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