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After travelling a lot I finally reached at the valley of “Kulu”, which is known
by “The valley of Gods” by the people. The landscape is beautiful here which
is surrounded by snowcapped mountains. If it would have been some other
time, then I would have enjoyed its beauty & I might have absorbed some of
its beauty in my own self. But at this time I didn’t have those eyes with the
help of which I could see this ocean of beauty nor did I have that heart in
which I can put the images of those sparkling mountains. I arrived here by
chance in the voyage started in order to forget my pains. And I knew that I
would wander here for more & more in order to reach at that rigid & frozen
island beyond these mountains & valleys, but still I knew that those feeling
pain would come along with me wherever I went.
Then sometimes I thought that these all were just the excuses of
escaping from death! There had to be some desire inside my heart for life.
Some residue might have left even after an intense fire. In this large
earthquake, a small house of wish must have survived. Otherwise at that day
of disaster, my heart must have stopped.
There was a small garden & flowers of Florex were blooming. Suddenly
my concentration was distracted by a foreigner man reading something on
the left wing from the guesthouse at some height. I was surprised by
watching that the man was wearing a dress made up of cotton reminding me
of Mahatma Gandhi who changed the fate of India by his weapons non-
violence & truth. When I once again saw at his face- I could make up that this
man was living in great deepness. The face was very simple. Have you ever
seen the pictures of male made by Amruta Shergil? There was an element of
mystery in all of her male pictures. I can’t say that they were great in the
field of drawing. I also didn’t have much knowledge about art. But I have
always been attracted by that element of mystery.
And now here, far away from my native place, in a cold town’s
guesthouse, in the cold breeze flowing at the time of dusk, I could see a face
of a known person which was unknown to me.
I wanted to go near him & talk with him. At the same moment I
thought that if I didn’t go there then the feeling of remorse would remain
forever in my mind. But, somehow I didn’t raise my legs to go there. I
returned to my room & started thinking of this weird emotion. The servant
had brought tea & toast. I ate & started wondering once again. I wished that I
would have more courage the next day morning when the sun would rise
again. I might talk with him at that time.
The next day when the sentry came, I asked him about the foreigner.
He replied that that man had departed this morning only. I wanted to ask
“where?” but thought that it was meaningless. I had only one direction which
lead me to death straightly without any turning footpaths.
I went to Mandi from Jogendarnagar & to Kulu from Mandi. If you might
had been there then you must be knowing the thrill of travel on the bank of
Biyas. I felt a sense of courage while sitting in a bus speeding near the bank
of Biyas. Many buses went on that route & the drivers were very
experienced. But, when you travel on this for the first time, you may not
have that much of faith in your driver. You can just experience the proximity
about the death & finally the wall separating us from the death would break
down. Whatever it might be, but you must travel on this way to enjoy the
beauty of Biyas & to have a new facet being added to your personality.
I had decided to stay for three days in Kulu; but I didn’t know where to
go after it-may be Naggar or Manali or Koti- but no specific idea. I was
determined to leave Kulu at the fourth day.
An unprecedented event happened at the evening of third day.
We, both, together lifted the woman. The foreigner said ,“You are very
healthy! You can lift very easily….”
The woman was half-conscious. I thought that she might be mad. The
people from the multitude saw us passing by, but none came to help.
Finally after finishing some formalities about the case, when we moved
out of the hospital, night had fallen. The moon was shining brightly & was
spreading its moonlight over open grounds, houses & pine trees.
We both walked without uttering a single word for some time.
“Would you come with me? I would like if you can.” He asked me
modestly.
I didn’t reply. I walked with him without saying anything. After some
time I told him that I had seen him in Jogendarnagar.
He smiled lightly. He said that he had also seen me. He told that he
realized at once after watching my face that my sun had set very early! He
continued that when he saw me observing the flowers Florex & touching the
air, he understood that even after a great pain if a person showed interest in
flowers & in mountains & in breeze, then there remained some hope for that
person.
He must have felt surprised because I remained silent for a long time,
but he didn’t say anything. Suddenly, startled by the silence growing
between us, I asked him ,comingout of my thoughts ,”What do you do
here?”
“Didn’t you see today? A woman wanted medical treatment & the
hospital was somewhat far, and there was a gap between them. It was
required to admit that woman in the hospital. It happens a lot- you have big
N.G.O.s, big medical clinics & on the other side humans in need. But a gap
lies between them. I fill that gap. I wander here & there. I do my best. I read
& sometimes I write. ”
I too, was wandering here & there, but my life purposeless. That man
had his own work, a work without having any boundaries of place, time &
circumstances.
I blurted ,”Do you live lonely? ” But then I repented a lot after having
asked such a foolish question. I had a very honest man in front of my eyes &
yet I couldn’t come out my shell.
He answered, “No, I have some friends. They all do the same work as
that of mine. One girl is also there. She was also broken just like you &
wanted to commit suicide. But, today she is proud of her work. ”
I was taken aback. Have I loved anyone? Yes –and that’s why I had
come here in search of death. I loved & but never got love in return. Infinite
colors passed through my face.
But his attention wasn’t at that side. His sight was hovering over the
waters of Biyas. ”If you have loved, truly loved, then you must be
knowing that there is a communication beyond words, a
communication without any kind of mediums. The life itself, is a
communication. It may be with one person or with many persons.
It’s not a philosophy. This is a very simple fact.”
“I love you! ”He uttered in a tender voice & said, ”I wish you to love
me.”
“Someone or everyone! You may love that insane woman or her little
child, who has now become alone. That child needs love. You may give it……
”
I saw his face. A very soothing, peaceful face full of reliance. I told, ”I
was understanding!”
“It is very late by now.”He told in a cold voice. ”The sun will rise after a
short time.”