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CHANGE THROUGH MODELLING Conversations

Experience teaches us that trying to induce change in others by pointing out flaws or suggesting improvements seldom works. CHANGE THROUGH MODELLING conversations take the approach that we can most effectively create change in others by modelling the behaviour we seek. This approach proposes that we first render the support we need to those whose behaviour we want to change. Expecting the cooperation of someone with whom we ourselves are unwilling to cooperate is a spectacularly unproductive strategy. Anticipating collaboration from someone who has benefited from our support is. CHANGE THROUGH MODELLING conversations involve a cycle of 3 phases: Initiation, Inclusion, and Alignment. In the Initiation phase, we clarify and express the need we want to have respected. This is done without providing a solution or plan of action for its accomplishment. A short, direct statement is used for opening the door to a collaboratively created strategy and accord. Our task in the Initiation phase has two parts: 1) to identify our simple, clear, and uncontroversial need for a fundamental relationship principle to be respected; and 2) to invite our conversational partner to participate in developing and implementing a solution. In the Inclusion phase, we seek to fully understand and appreciate the point of view formed by our conversational partner in response to our initial statement. This response may be very closely aligned with our own perspective, or it may bring into play a whole other set of unexpected concerns. Our focus here is not to ascertain the truth of the situation. In a CHANGE THROUGH MODELLING conversation there is no correct understanding or interpretation of our statement. To the contrary, the understanding formed by our conversational partner is, at that moment, the only reality that matters. The question did you understand me correctly? is replaced with what do you understand from what I said? In the Alignment phase, we first seek to resolve the issue raised by our conversational partner. We do this by proposing solutions to our own contributions to the issue, then offering suggestions for dealing with 3rd party influences: other people, schedules, situations, and so on. Following this, we offer our conversational partner an opportunity to consider their possible contributions, and keeping in mind that lesson of experience mentioned above specifically stay away from making our own suggestions or comments. Once we have come to an agreement for resolving our conversational partners issue, it is time to reframe our initial statement and check for any unresolved concerns we may still have. If a viable solution to our initial need is still missing, another pass through the CHANGE THROUGH MODELLING conversation cycle may be required, or outside assistance sought.

Tel: + 1 438 288 6569

website: www.MontrealPerformanceCoach.com

email: robert@MontrealPerformanceCoach.com

Phase 1: Initiation
1. Prepare a short statement (30-seconds maximum) identifying a need you want to have met. Write one brief sentence for each of the following. Strung together, these will form your statement: a. A problematic conversation you have had in the past week which you have been unable to resolve to your satisfaction: _________________________________________________________________________. b. What is the simple, clear, and uncontroversial principle you need to have met? You can state it: I need <a situation or process>. For example, I need to be included in decisions that affect my schedule. Take the time to reduce it to a fundamental, mutually respected principle if your initial declaration is controversial: _________________________________________________________________________. c. State the consequences that will follow if there is no change regarding your need: ________________________________________________________________________. d. Acknowledge your role in creating or facilitating this breach: ________________________________________________________________________. e. Express your desire to terminate the problem: ________________________________________________________________________.
f.

Open the door to your conversational partners point of view: ________________________________________________________________________.

Robert McFadden coaches people to do & get what they want in business, career, & relationships. His approach has evolved through a decade of practice as a coach, NLP practitioner, and mentor; supported by a background in innovation, collaboration, knowledge development, and customer service.

Tel: + 1 438 288 6569

website: www.MontrealPerformanceCoach.com

email: robert@MontrealPerformanceCoach.com

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