Its a not so Wonderful Life Inspired by the maddening Christmas music that plays 24/7 at work By.

Charles G. Billingham III Oil Barron

*Prelude starts strong but by the end deserves a resounding WEAK! from the crowd *Possible Ch.1 titles: Jules, trip 10,928, 10,928

Prelude Observe: onto the cold, grey, street steps Julius Forest. He is our protagonist. Hes not a very good protagonist. He has no ambitious or problems to over come. He has no dark past to return and haunt him. He has no debilitating vices, no mortal enemies, no worries, no secret desires. No distinguishing characteristics other than his unusual first name. He is in every way content; which is not where a proper protagonist should be at the beginning of a story. I promise you, however, that by the end of this tale he will have gone through all the ups and downs of your average protagonist. I hope that you will fall for him as I have. Julius is a fictional character as is everyone else in this story. You can take away what you want from this story. If it helps this is all fiction. There is no god of any sort, no real meaning behind life. Heaven and Hell do not exist, and nether of them have legal departments. This story is meant to entertain and not to drive some rebellion, or say that one way of life is better than another. I just ask that you read this story and it makes you feel something, be it love, hate or hunger, if not dont worry it just means I need to work on my prose.

Chapter One Jules Observe: onto the cold, grey, street steps Julius Forest. He is heading home from another long day of work as the senior assistant manager at The Farmhouse a grocery store that is a part of the large Farmhouse Grocer chain. Hes been a manager there for 15 years. He was offered a promotion ten years ago but he turned it down for reasons that will be more appropriately explained later. The Farmhouse is located on 1946 Williams street exactly six blocks south of 1346 Tannenbaum Av. There, on the corner, sits Juliuss destination. Victorian style, two story home. Four bedroom, two bath, spacious (3200 sq. feet), perfect for a family starting out, some furnishings included, white picket fence optional. Julius has walked these six blocks twice a day for almost 15 years, a total of 10,927 trips. Nothing worth chronicling had happened those 10,927 times, but this is trip 10,928 and sometimes the 10,928th time is the charm. Julius stepped out on to the cold, grey street. He wrapped his beige scarf round his neck three times, straightened his glasses and started, as he had 10,927 times before, down Williams Street. He had made it only forty paces when he stopped. Something was different. Someone else was walking behind him. Someone walking behind you is rarely a cause for alarm. However when you have walked the same route 10,927 times and not once in those 10,927 times have you encountered another person walking behind you, you may experience an odd felling of unease. Slowly Julius turned and, for the first time in 10,927 trips, he looked behind him. J-Juliusss Foresht? The man behind him inquired. The words were wet with booze; they fell out of the mans mouth onto the sidewalk with an almost audible splat. The man himself looked to be soaked in booze as well. He was clearly homeless, or at least dressed as such. He wore two sweatshirts both of which were stained with what one would hope to be ketchup. His skin was tanned and leathery. Erupting from the folds of his chin was a massive bundle of white whiskers. Again he addressed Julius. Mind if I call you Jules? Julius was in a state of both fear and confusion. He did manage to cobble together a response for the homeless man after ten seconds of awkward silence. No Ah thash too bad. I like Jules better. Another lengthy silence fell over the two. Julius eyed the man from head to foot. He stood only about four foot seven so it didnt take long. Julius made a note to buy a teaser or at least some pepper spray in the future then turned to leave. Cause its how we measure energy ya know? In Jules. Uhh, yeah I guess its alright Energy, entropy, change, motion! the bums voice had become sharp and quick. Unable to think of anything clever Julius constructed this hasty response. Yep, thats what jules do The bums face drooped a little YeahYoure right, it wouldnt fit. What wouldnt? Jules. Fit what?

You! Oh. Julius braved eye contact with the man for the first time. This was a little difficult. The Mans eyes were sunken deep in into his face. Julius noticed that the mans eyes had a glossy shine about them. It was the booze Julius reasoned but it still gave him the impression that this man knew a lot more then he let on. Julius, The man broke the silence, I want you to walk a different way home tonight. But I walk this way every night. I know. Who are you? Im your guardian angel. He said rather matter-of-factly, and you are Julius Forest A grocer for fifteen years, married for ten, once turned down a promotion seven years ago How did-? Richard Lancaster, guardian angle rank 27. He extended a dirty, calloused, hand. Julius did not accept. Julius had decided that the man was crazy and pivoted 180 degrees. He made it about four feet when he found himself face to face with the homeless man again. He was holding a crumpled piece of paper and a bic pen. I need you to sssign thish Slowly Julius took the paper; he refused the bic when he saw the cap was chewed. I, Julius T. Forest., the paper began, Born Dec.23rd 5:38 CST Do herby consent, of my own free will, any and all intervention by the powers that be. The goal of the powers intervention is to alleviate my self induced pointless existence which has sunk to such depths of despair that my only avenue of escape is religious intervention. I recognize that if my situation remains stagnant then I have no one to blame but my own damn self and had best adopt a better attitude. Below the text was a spot for Julius to sign and date. Next to that was a picture of a dove encircled by more text that Julius couldnt decipher. Just sign it and we can really get started. to such depths of despair Julius repeated softly, I like my life, Im not signing it! Julius finished strong. The homeless man let out a small groan and let his head fall into his hands. Just once, he said through his hands, just once big guy, give me someone who hates themselvesYou are signing the damn paper! the man shoved a stubby finger at Julius. Julius was cold, tired and sick of this crazy man. This was all starting to kindle a fire in Julius. Not a large fire mind you, one composed mostly of scraps on newspaper and twigs generating only a few joules. Now look here, The fire in Julius the voice of a perturbed Carry Grant, Im not signing that. One: I dont think you are an angle. Two: even if you were why do you even need a form?! If you got access to heavenly powers why the red tape? Well if this were 1820 or another country I could just zap you into the lesson but in America you have to do things by the book. What book? The metaphorical one, now if you wont sign that one He reached into his thick yellow sweatshirt and grabbed another crumpled page and handed to Julius.

I Julius T.. Forest Born-, Julius skipped ahead, Having failed to accept the bitter truth, do herby consent, of my own free will, to any and all intervention by the powers that be. The stated goal of which is to open my eyes to the horrible state of my life. Upon realizing said horribleness I will endeavor to change my ways. I recognize that if my situation remains stagnant then I have no one to blame but my own damn self and had best adopt a better attitude. This latest insult fanned the flames that had been burning in Julius. Perhaps they were fanned a little too hard because Juliuss response was this: Fine, if itll get you off my back. Julius scribbled on the paper with his own 15$ pen and handed it back to Richard. Thank you. Richard said. He then tried to smooth out the paper on his arm, folded it into fourths and flung it into the air. The paper soared up and up and up until it was lost form view. Probably air currents. Julius thought.