PSYCHOLOGY OF EVERYDAY LIFE

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar

Once in a way all of us have lingering thoughts in our mind.

These thoughts keep coming to the mind even though we do
not want them to be there. Their repetitive nature bother us
to some extend. Some times we notice that the lines of a
song keep coming to our mind though we do not want it. So
also some of us are compelled to act in a certain way though
we know them to be irrational and stupid. Yet we simply
cannot escape from doing it as we experience a feeling of
dissatisfaction if we do not do them. These are called
obsessive ruminations and compulsions. However, they are
not considered pathological as the tendency disappears
soon. So also if we try to control them we do not feel
abnormal levels of anxiety.
There are some people who suffer from an affliction called
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER. This is known as a
disorder as the person suffering from it cannot simply
escape from the thoughts and actions and cause great
misery. For example once a person suffered from repetitive
cleaning of his hands as he started feeling that there was
dirt in his hands. He also felt that if he did not wash his
hands germs would get into him while he ate. Another
person suddenly started getting a fear of Rabies. The sight
of a dog was sufficient for him to have a chain of very
unpleasant thoughts regarding Rabies and all its horrible
consequences. When confronted he admitted that his was an
irrational fear and that there was no scientific basis for his
lingering fear. After the onset of his disorder he read a lot of
scientific literature and knew every thing about the disorder.
He knew very well that mere sight of a dog would not
produce Rabies. But he could not escape from the thoughts.
Subsequently he stopped visiting his relatives who had a
dog at home. He started wearing a pair of socks even while
sleeping to avoid the possibility of getting infected. On the
road he would not get out of his car while meeting friends
and relatives. Later the disorder became so crippling that he
stopped moving out of his house much to the dismay of his
wife. From reported cases it is estimated that approximately
20 to 30 percent of people suffer from this affliction. The
main categories of this disorder are frequent CLEANING,
CHECKING and COUNTING.
CLEANING
As shown above there are many persons who suffer from
frequent cleaning of their hands or the whole body. These
people get a feeling that they have touched dirt and that
they must clean their body parts. One patient went to the
extreme of cleaning her hand several times in a day that the
skin of her hands became dry. She started using soaps and
strong detergents that eventually she had to be treated by a
skin specialist. A man with a similar condition started
wearing a pair of gloves all the time. He could eat only with
the help of a spoon.
CHECKING
Some people suffer from frequent checking. There was a
patient who would go to any extent to check whether he had
locked his house. After locking and checking for eight times
he used to call his wife and make her check and say loudly
that the house is locked. Then he would call his two sons
and make them check ‘thoroughly’. As the disorder
progressed he began to bother his neighbors who should
also come and check whether the house is locked!

COUNTING
Some patients develop this disorder in the form of repetitive
counting especially when they do certain activities. A
student once developed the compulsion to count the number
of electric bulbs before going for the examination. He used
to count the bulbs at home four times in each room
consuming a lot of his precious time. Another student
developed the habit of opening and closing his pen twenty
one times before entering the examination hall. Children
often does not tell these difficulties out side and all that the
parents and teachers would notice is that the child’s
academic performance has come down drastically. When
asked, the first child reported that he counted the bulbs in
order to have better clarity in his thinking before the
examination. The second child felt that the questions in the
examination would become simpler if he closed his pen
repeatedly.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is described as
frequent repetitive thoughts and or actions occurring in a
person, which the person feels it to be anxiety provoking
and that he simply cannot stamp them out of his mind
though he knows them to be totally irrational and
unscientific.
Treatment
Fortunately now there are drug and behavior therapies.
Though both can improve the condition to a large extent a
combination of these is considered the best.

RUN AWAY SYNDROME

Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar

This is a symptom seen in children when they are under

some form of conflict which Psychologists call STRESS. This
occurs predominantly in male children. This involves sudden
or preplanned running away from one's own home to the
house of a relative or a of friend or to some distant place the
child has once visited, or to a place which is totally unknown
to the child. Having reached the place or on his way, the
child realises that he cannot sustain for long without the
emotional and economic support of the parents. At that
point, the child decides to return and tries to come back
home or would let the parents inform his hideout. The
disappearance usually does not prolong for more than a
week.
When the child returns, he is most likely to appear shy, guilt
ridden, submissive and silent. At that point those who
receive the child back should not find fault with him nor
scold or punish him as the child expects the worst. Slowly
some one in the family with whom the child has good
emotional link could start exploring the reasons for the
running away. Such a child is best eased back into the main
stream of the day to day family life with pieces of advice
that it is not healthy to run away and that he should muster
courage to face situations of stress. A close relative without
any tint of black mailing may meaningfully counsel one-time
runners. However, habitual runners need counselling or
psychotherapy from a psychologist.
Why Do Children Run Away?
All children are basically insecure, as they are emotionally
immature. This immaturity is part of the growing process.
Each day they become more and more secure if the family is
a close knit one with enough freedom for communication
and emotional expression.
Thus children run away because of the following reasons:
1. Constant quarrels of parents, causing severe insecurity
in the child.
2. If they feel unloved.
3. Sibling rivalry or arrival of a new child.
4. Fear of physical danger like the father beating them for
a certain wrongdoing.
5. Fear that there will be withdrawal of emotional support
for wrong doings.
6. Failure or decline in the examination or test paper.
7. If prone to impulsiveness.
8. To accompany a friend in distress.
REMEDIAL MEASURES
1. First and foremost understand that children are
immature and impulsive.
2. On return do not accuse or punish the child. A person
who has good rapport with the child can slowly open up
the issue and allow the child to give vent to his
emotions and guilt feelings.
3. Assure the child that he was not wrong but his action
was unbecoming of a brave child.
4. Tell the child that every body has periods of insecurity
and uncertainty and that squarely facing the situation
alone would solve the problem.
5. Make the child understand that his was an action of
escapism and that it is unhealthy.
6. Train the child for healthy coping of similar situations.
7. If the above fail, seek the help of a counselor or
Psychologist.

STRESS: NATURE, CONSEQUENCES AND MANAGEMENT

Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar

What is Stress?
An executive of a large firm developed high blood pressure
(hypertension) at the age of 35. A 27-year-old housewife
developed recurrent Bronchial Asthma. When consulted, the
physicians told them that they were suffering from disorders
due to ‘stress’.
The executive had to take frequent quick decisions all alone
for about one year. Each decision could have resulted in
heavy losses to the company. After each decision, the
executive used to worry about it till the decision proved
right. It was his constant worry and anxiety which made him
end up with hypertension.
The housewife had a nagging mother-in-law and her
husband was not supportive. Every time when her mother-
in-law nagged her, she wanted to give back but never did so.
Instead, she suppressed her anger and used to feel choked.
Eventually, the choking became breathlessness and ended
up with attacks of asthma.

This is what stress does to us. There are thousands of

examples like these. One of the recently diagnosed stress
induced disorders is ‘chronic fatigue’. If stress is so powerful
shouldn’t we know more about it? Yes, what is it then?
Stress is an experience. When demands of a physical,
psychological or sociological nature make us react to it we
are under a stress. Those which demand a reaction and force
us to mobilize our resources are called ‘Stressors’. Stressors
make us experience stress. Increased temperature of the
room, demands of people around us and societal norms are
examples of stressors. When we mobilize our resources to
meet these demands, psychologists say we are under stress.
Due to inappropriate usage, the word stress has assumed
bad connotations. In its original sense a stress is neither
good nor bad. It becomes good or bad, desirable or
undesirable, healthy or unhealthy depending upon what it
does to us. For example, the demands of an examination
could make one child work hard and pass creditably. In the
case of another child the very same examination could
appear very demanding and he might end up in a break
down, as his resources are poor. Thus by itself a stressor or
a stress is neither good nor bad. They are neutral in nature.
Distress
When a stressor becomes too demanding or when we do not
have adequate resources to meet the demands, we get
‘stressed up’. The stressed up experience is called a
‘Distress’. Distress is bad and unhealthy. Prolonged distress
initiates a number of reactions at the level of the body and
mind. As it depletes our resources we become impoverished
and susceptible to diseases and disorders. The child who has
poor resources to write an examination falls ill. The
executive who went on worrying depleted his resources and
developed hypertension. The housewife spent a sizable
portion of her resources to suppress her constant anger and
ended up with bronchial asthma. Thus any stress that
becomes distressing is unhealthy.
Eustress
When a stressor puts demand on our resources and we
experience stress that need not always lead to distress. If
the stressor is within limits and we have enough resources
we will be able to cope up with the stress. When a stress
makes us cope up with it, there is a feeling of satisfaction
and joy. Stresses that make us cope up with them culminate
in better integration of our personality. Such stresses are
called ‘Eustress’ or useful stress. The child who prepared
well for the examination, wrote it effectively and came out
successfully experiences better self worth and increased
self-esteem. The examination though a stress had indeed
beneficial effects on him. Such beneficial stresses are
required for our motivation and growth. No wonder it is then
called a useful stress.
Perception of Stress
Psychologists have noticed that to a large extent, it is our
perception ( the way we look at things) which determines a
stress to be a ‘eustress’ or a ‘distress’. For example, people
who are trained as in military combat, perceives a threat to
be as simple whereas some one who is new to it sees it as a
matter or life and death. Thus psychologists have shown
that perception determines the magnitude of stress. They
also feel that perception can be changed through training.
This contribution of psychologists is very important as in our
modern times already existing stress assumes greater
magnitude and also newer and newer stresses are being
added day by day. The training to reorganize our perception
has become very useful in bringing down the intensity,
frequency and duration of many stress related disorders. So
also future stresses could be anticipated and perception
regarding it could be altered through training. Such training
is known as ‘Stress Inoculation’. As we get inoculated
against diseases, now we can strengthen people to face
stresses with Stress Inoculation. Isn’t it wonderful?

CATHARSIS
Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar

You might have heard this expression a number of times yet

may not know what exactly this means. If dust goes into our
nose, we will immediately sneeze. Often the sneezing is
quite violent. The whole body participates in the action.
After all should we need all that force and fury to throw
away the dust? Yes, the body reacts this way. In fact these
are reflex responses of the body and they are usually very
forceful if not violent. The moment our body feels that a
foreign material has entered, it reacts strongly in such a way
as to oust it at the quickest possible manner.
Imagine that we happen to take food that contained some
poisonous substance. Will the body go on thinking for days
together as to whether the poison should be thrown out or
not? No. On the other hand the body reacts immediately
with all the force at hand. We develop severe diaohrrea and
vomiting. These body mechanisms are aimed at survival and
thus the social appropriateness of these reactions are not
taken care of. The body reacts instantaneously and does not
care for the society or other external norrms of behaviour. It
behaves as if the safety of the body is more important than
any thing else.
Well, now let us come to the level of the mind and examine a
similar situation. We may be surprised to note that poison
getting into the mind remains beneath the mind for years
together. Often there are no automatic mechanisms like the
reflex action to cleanse the mind. Not only that poisons in
the form of undesirable thoughts lie deep in the mind and
manifest as disorders. This is because we suppress them if
our mind feels that it is socially inappropriate to express. If
the suppression is strong and goes to the unconscious,
Psychologists call it as ‘Repression’. Suppressed and
repressed thoughts do not lie dormant in the mind forever.
They often try to come out. The threat of these surfacing
creates tension and anxiety to the person concerned. The
reemergence of these suppressed and repressed materials
can also shape itself into other disorders. In fact the
celebrated Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud argued that our
entire Neurotic, Psychotic and Psychosomatic disorders are
due to suppression and repression.
HOW TO OVER COME THESE?
Psychologists have discovered that Hypnosis,
Psychoanalysis and Catharsis are the ways through which we
can overcome the difficulty. If the material has already gone
to the unconscious mind we may require Hypnosis or
Psychoanalysis to bring it back to the conscious mind and to
externalise it. However, if the suppressed material is still in
the conscious mind we need Catharsis. Catharsis is a
technique through which we talk to a professional
Psychologist anything and every thing that comes to our
mind. The Psychologist tells us to express our thoughts as
and when they come to the mind without any inhibition. In
the all-accepting atmosphere of the clinic one would be able
to express one’s thoughts which are forbidden by the
society. As the free flow of thoughts start we might
experience emotional out bursts. It is not uncommon for
people to cry or show anger etc. during Catharsis. A couple
of good sessions of Catharsis makes the person feel free
from the disturbing thoughts and emotions, which the
person has suppressed early. Many people report a feeling
of unloading and relief immediately after a session of
Catharsis. Catharsis is a mental purging technique and is
effectively used by Psychologists. Many Psychologists use
this technique as part of Supportive Psychotherapy.
EATING DISORDERS
Rachel Simon-Kumar
Department of Women's and Gender Studies, University of Waikato, Hamilton, New Zealand

Public awareness of what are commonly called 'eating

disorders' has increased immensely in the past decade or so.
Anorexia nervosa (or the 'hunger disease') and bulimia
nervosa (or the 'binge and purge disease') are among the
more widely known. Part of the reason for its acceptance as
a genuine problem to be dealt with has been the growing
number of celebrities the world over who have admitted to
having, at some point in their lives, been a victim of an
eating disorder. The Princess of Wales, the late Diana
Spencer, was among its sufferers - her biographer wrote
poignantly of her tendency to binge eat and then vomit out
repeatedly as a way to deal with the unhappiness in her life.
Karen Carpenter, the talented singer of the 1970s singing
duo, The Carpenters, died of anorexia nervosa in the early
eighties. We are yet to ascertain the extent to which these
diseases are prevalent in Indian society.
It is commonly accepted that women - particularly
adolescent girls - are among its main sufferers. In fact,
these eating disorders have been labelled 'maiden diseases'.
It is estimated that one in hundred girls and women suffer
from bulimia whereas anorexics are a little less common at
one in around a thousand girls. Interestingly, some studies
indicate that it is primarily middle-class women who are
most likely to manifest these symptoms rather than the
working or labouring class. The main symptoms of bulimia
are (a) recurring episodes of binge eating (that is, rapidly
consuming food in short periods of time) (b) attempts to
purge oneself of the food that has been consumed, usually
by induced vomiting, (c ) feelings of depression and low self-
esteem, and (d) an inability to control the dysfunctional
eating even though the person is aware that it is abnormal.
Anorexic sufferers, on the other hand, avoid eating
altogether. A common symptom in both disorders is the
acute feeling that the person is 'fat'. Either by purging or by
starving, the victims attempt to control their weight.
There are several theories that have been advanced to
understand the causes for eating disorders. The various
theories can broadly be classified as: bio-medical,
psychological and socio-cultural. Bio-medical explanations
tend to assert that eating disorders are caused by biological
factors; these may range from imbalance of hormones to
malfunctioning of serotonin in the brain. Some researchers
also point to a possibility of a genetic origin. Bio-medical
theorists suggest a combination of drugs and psychotherapy
as treatment.
Psychological explanations view the disorders as a form of
identity crisis, a sign that the sufferer is blocking emotions,
and that there are repressed emotions in the unconscious
which are expressed through abnormal relationships with
food. The emotional crisis may arise from strained
relationships with members of the family - such as mother-
daughter, father-daughter and so on. For theorists who draw
on psychological explanations, the disorder becomes a way
that young girls protest, or blackmail the situations they are
in at home.
Socio-cultural theories highlight the role that society plays
in laying expectations on girls and women, particularly, on
the way they should look. These explanations focus on
western culture's overemphasis on body shape that is 'thin'.
It is said that in western societies, over the last few
decades, the 'ideal' female body shape has been getting
thinner and thinner. Models in advertisements and on the
catwalk in the 1990s are at least 10 kilos lighter (for the
same height) than they were in the 1950s and 1960s. Young
girls, in particular, are likely to see themselves as
unattractive unless they are able to have the popular 'ideal'
figure. Their struggle with food is an attempt to overcome
feelings of low self-esteem that society sub-consciously
induces, and to attain a sense of popularity.
A fourth and interesting analysis of these eating disorders
has been put forward by feminist researchers. Their
argument does not focus on the young girls and their
symptoms as much as the medical profession and its
attitude to the 'maiden diseases'. These researchers argue,
for instance, that eating disorders are not a modern disease
at all but has existed under various names for centuries.
Moreover, eating disorders affect not just young girls, but
older men and women as well. However, doctors and
counselors have tended to focus attention primarily on
young girls and their bodies. Further, this interest is focused
at specific moments in history -- in fact, medical history
shows 'waves' of interest and analysis on the condition of
young women's health by doctors. The first such 'wave' was
evident in the sixteenth century when doctors identified a
malady that affected only young girls called furor uterinus
and 'love sickness'. Doctors related symptoms of loss of
appetite and weakness to malfunctioning of the sexual fluids
in women. There was also a lot of medical writing on young
women's ailments in the eighteenth and nineteenth century
- 'chlorosis' or 'green sickness' (the symptoms again were a
paleness of complexion, and disinterest in food) was
intensely studied. In the twentieth century there are two
periods when doctors start talking and writing about young
women's diseases. Anorexia nervosa was 'discovered' in the
1970s and Bulimia in the 1990s. Why does the medical
profession have these moments of interest in young women
and their health?
These feminist researchers argue that the 'discovery' of
maiden diseases is linked to the prominence in public life
that young girls have been having. In the nineteenth
century, for instance, women were entering universities and
the work force in a big way. Post-World War 2 was again a
time that women were very visible in society. By drawing
attention to eating disorders as a malady of young women,
doctors (and in a broader sense, society itself) are, in fact,
labeling young girls as 'nervous', 'neurotic' and
'overemotional' -- almost as a reason to deny them a place in
public life. One researcher asks if girls in puberty and
adolescence are really biologically, psychologically and
sexually so imbalanced, unstable and fragile (compared to
boys) that they cope less with the pressure of society and
the family? Or, do physicians, psychologists, counselors, and
parents try to make some reactions of young girls seem
particularly unnatural? Is our understanding of 'eating
disorders' a reflection of young girls' unease with society, or
society's unease with young girls? This last perspective
highlights the 'creation' by society of girlhood and a specific
class of 'girlhood diseases'. The description of girls as highly
prone to vulnerability is, in a sense, a means to confine
young girls to specific roles that are approved of by western,
patriarchal societies where gender inequality still prevails.
Disease creation, therefore, becomes a way of gender
control. 

DEPRESSION
Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar

Depression has become a common disorder. It is estimated that more women than men
suffer this malady. Depression is considered a dangerous disorder because 50% of
depressed people tend to commit suicide. Is not human life valuable? Thus shouldn’t we
help these innocent victims?
Even a common sense idea of depression can help you to help others.
What are the symptoms of Depression?
There are several kinds of depressions. Thus some common symptoms are given here.
Many depressed people suffer all or some of the following.
1. Persistent sad mood
2. Difficulty in concentration
3. Unusual forgetfulness
4. Slowness in actions
5. Slowness in thinking
6. Extreme pessimism
7. Feeling of worthlessness
8. Recurrent suicidal thoughts
9. Feeling of not being loved by anybody
10. Feeling that one cannot love anybody
11. Feeling that life has no meaning
12. Low drive or motivation
13. Unexplained feeling of fatigue
14. Rapid gain or loss of body weight
15. Inability to experience appetite
16. Sleep disturbances (especially during early morning hours)
17. Thumping of the heart (Palpitation)
18. Disturbances in the stomach (gas trouble, loose motion, constipation)
19. Intolerance to sound
20. Startle reaction
21. Crying spells
22. Increased sensitivity
23. Unexplained feelings of guilt
If anybody around you shows at least a few of the symptoms, persuade the person to
see a Psychiatrist or a Clinical Psychologist. This is especially necessary if the person
directly or indirectly talks to you about suicide or gives you the impression that life has
no meaning. It has been observed that many patients have intentionally or casually
mentioned to their friends or relatives their intention to commit suicide. Many have taken
it lightly only to pay a big price later. Thus if you feel that somebody is depressed and
talks of suicide, do not take it lightly. However, you should not panic and become upset
in the presence of the patient. Take the message coolly and act rationally. Do not elicit a
promise. Instead persuade the patient to consult a Psychiatrist with the assurance that
things will get better from day one onwards. The worst thing you can do to a depressed
person is to offer advice like "These days every body is depressed and that it is all your
own making…"etc.
What Is The Best Treatment?
There is no single method of treatment for depression as its causes are biological,
psychological and socio-cultural in nature. The first line of treatment should be
biological. This means the patient should consult a Psychiatrist and get appropriate
drugs prescribed. These drugs will bring immediate relief to some problems like ‘early
morning sleep disturbances’, lack of appetite, and ‘fatigue’. These improvements will
instill in the patient a feeling that he is not totally helpless and that some thing can be
done about the problem. Paradoxically, this is also the most critical period in the
depressive phase. A deeply depressed patient is almost incapable of committing suicide
as he is ‘mentally paralyzed’. Drugs remove this incapacity and facilitate the act of
suicide. It is during this critical phase that a Clinical Psychologist could be of great help.
At this stage a Psychologist might be in a position to instill hope and minimize guilt.
It has been found that social support from the family, counseling by a Clinical
Psychologist and drug treatment by a Psychiatrist together work better than any single
treatment.

Unhappy Women: Caught In Identity Crisis?

Rachel Simon-Kumar
Department of Women's and Gender Studies, University of Waikato, Hamilton, New Zealand

In 1963 in the U.S., a Psychologist named Betty Friedan was perplexed by an unusual
mental condition that she found was quite widespread among women, of all ages.
Women (mostly married) complained of depression, of being unable to focus on
things, of bursting into tears without reason, sleeping a lot and feeling unusually tired.
They just felt – for want of a better description – unhappy. Yet, seemingly, there was
no reason for many of these women to feel so. They had secure marriages, had
children, and financial security and social networks, and were involved in community
groups. Many had at least one or two years of college education before deciding to
settle down to marriage and children. Friedan was clearly confused as to why this
collective depression among women existed; it was in her words, a "problem that had
no name". In her book titled The Feminine Mystique she traces the origins for this
problem. She tells us in her book that very early on she realized that these women’s
suffering were not individual, that is, these were not women who had some biological,
hormonal, sexual or other psychological defects. The answer to this problem clearly
lay elsewhere.
Friedan talked to hundreds of women and realized that the source of these women’s
depression was an identity crisis. On the one hand, women from girlhood were being
told that they would find fulfillment and happiness as wife and mother, in traditional
feminine roles. On the other, the reality was that as women spent more and more of
their energy being just that, they felt more and more unhappy. As one young mother
told Friedan: "I’ve tried everything women are supposed to do – hobbies, gardening,
pickling, canning … but I’m desperate. I begin to feel that I have no personality. I’m a
server of food and a putter-on of pants and a bedmaker, somebody to call on when you
want something. But who am I?". Another woman told her that she had everything – a
husband who was moving up in his career, a lovely new home, enough money. Yet,
when she woke up in the morning there was nothing to look forward to. Women had
just one question that summed up their feelings: Is this all there is in life?
Tradition is very strong in India and dictates many aspects of our lives. In India,
regardless of religious differences, caste, class or regional location, tradition makes
particular demands on the way women live their lives – from the clothes that they can
wear, to their mobility, the kinds of jobs they take up and so. Psychologists have
observed that as young girls grow into adolescence and womanhood, they comply
more and more with the feminine roles demanded of them. For instance, it is well
known that girls are better achievers at the school level and often are rank-holders and
toppers in Std X exams. Their performance, however, falls considerably once they are
in Pre-degree, in entrance exams and in professional courses. Some people may argue
that girls are unable to cope with the rigor of advanced studies but studies conducted
abroad suggest that women are subtly conditioned to feel that over-achievement is an
"unfeminine" trait.
Alongside this traditional part of society, women are also influenced by the
advantages of modern life. Education, jobs, friends, and money are increasingly
changing the image that women have of themselves. More and more young women
have aspirations that do not fit with the feminine roles of ‘wife’ and ‘mother’. Does
the impact of modernity bring with it its own brand of "identity crisis" for women?
Our understanding of women’s responses to their social conditions arise from their
voices: from stories, autobiographies, movies, and so on. A collection of short stories
by women in Kerala Inner Spaces: New Writing by Women From Kerala (1993)
reflects how women are caught within the web of expectations that is imposed on
them by tradition and family. Each story is dark and bleak – in most of them the
female character is portrayed as trapped and unable to escape her destiny. Bharati
Mukherjee, a US settled Indian writer, also fashions women characters who struggle
to fulfil the demands of Indian tradition and their own hearts – in one book, Wife, the
character eventually turns to murder. Kamala Das’ well-known autobiography My
Story records her emotional wanderings searching for meaning that she never found as
a wife. Deepa Mehta’s movie, Fire, is popularly known for its lesbian theme – how
two women discover happiness in their emotional and physical attachment to each
other. Yet, the understated part of the movie is the sterile life that these women lived
as conventional housewives. "I was dead", says the character played by Shabana
Azmi. Their radical and rebellious decision to run away together is perhaps not an
option that many women in India would take – but shows that women are trying to
resist society’s hold on them.
As a researcher into women’s issues, I find similar themes of emptiness and vacuum
in the everyday lives of women. A woman, who is now a primary school teacher, told
me that she "wasted seven years" sitting at home just after marriage. In another case, a
woman admits difficulty to having sexual intercourse even though she loves her
husband. She feels the problem lies in a sense of frustration about being only a
housewife. In more extreme situations, as in the "Ice Cream Parlor" incident that
became a scandal in the Malabar region a couple of years ago, seemingly ordinary
women – housewives, students, and so on - consented to being part of a prostitution
ring. The motive was clearly not monetary – it is interesting to ask what was missing
in their lives that drove them to take these potentially dangerous risks. Many women
who are asked by family to give up their jobs or studies after marriage do experience a
sense of identity loss.
What Friedan argued in the sixties in the case of women in the U.S. and which is
probably applicable for women here in India, is that they be allowed to pursue
activities that enhance their identity. The idea of ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ are
artificially created in and by society and trying to fit real human beings into these
ideas will probably lead to dissatisfaction and frustration. Women, like men, are
creative beings. Often, the ideas of ‘femininity’ stifle women’s creative side – women
are more than just mothers and wives. For many women, a working career is what
gives them a sense of being and purpose – an identity that is enriching. It is not easy
to say that one thing will suit all women, but one thing may be generalized: that
women must be allowed the opportunity to consider what things will make them
happy. An environment which conditions women to think of themselves only as
beings of reproduction will, in the long run, stifle their personalities and lead to a
crisis of their identities.
FACTS AND FICTION IN PSYCHOLOGY
Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar

• Psychologists can read the minds of others.

This is a popular myth that prevailed from the beginning. No honest Psychologist would
claim so. However, as Psychologists are trained in observing the verbal and non verbal
behavior of people, they may be able to guess the intentions of others more accurately
than lay people.
• Psychology is an occult science.

This is absolutely untrue. On the other hand know that Psychology is the scientific study
of the experience and behavior of living beings with a view to understand the principles
that govern these phenomenon. As in other sciences Psychology aims at 'Prediction'
and 'Control' of behavior.
• To study Psychology, one should have extra ordinary capabilities.

Totally untrue. Any body who is interested in this subject can study it.
• A Psychologist can hypnotize any body with a piercing look.

No. Never! Psychologists who are trained in hypnosis or hypnotherapy can hypnotize
others if the patient/client is totally willing and cooperative. A mere study of Psychology
will not equip a person to hypnotize any body.
 • If one can hypnotize a person you can make him do any thing.

Sorry, never. Even under deep hypnosis a hypnotized person will not obey if he is asked
to perform unethical actions.
• Mental illness is incurable.

Times have changed. Presently mental illness can be treated effectively with drugs and
psychotherapy by competent Psychiatrists and Clinical psychologists.
• Mentally ill people are dangerous.

Surprisingly it has been found that mentally ill people have lower rate of violent
behaviors, such as assault, rape and homicide than those in the general population.
Nevertheless, people with Paranoid disorder (suspicion that others are plotting against
them) may assault others to protect themselves.
• Genius is 'akin to insanity'.

No such relationship has been found in experimental studies. On the other hand some
major studies have shown that people who had IQs 140 or above (bordering on genius)
when reassessed in their mid-forties showed that their death rate, divorce rate, and
mental illness rate were all lower than those for the general population. It is concluded
that it is a myth to believe that creativity and genius are 'akin to insanity'.


PARENTING AND CHILD MENTAL HEALTH
Dr.Krishna Prasad Sreedhar
Mental health of children depends on the way parents interact with them. Though every
parent wishes to provide the best at home, they may not be giving the best to their
children as no fool proof method of bringing up children has been invented. This is
because no two children are alike. There are more differences between children than
we ordinarily believe. More over, culture, society, gender of the child and a host of other
factors interact with the upbringing of children.
Psychologists point out that there are different styles of parenting. They believe that
parenting styles can be put into four categories depending on two factors. They are
parental warmth and parental control.
PARENTING STYLES
Type – A (High on control low on warmth)
Some parents believe that being strict with children is the best way to make them good
adults. In that process parents tend to become over strict. They forget that every child
has a natural tendency to grow into freedom and autonomy. Children should become
free, independent and autonomous. A fully developed personality manifests freedom
from unnecessary inhibitions. It also ensures high level of independence and autonomy.
Over strictness kills the spirit of freedom. Children get the wrong idea that being free
and independent is undesirable. In the present competitive world a child should be self-
confident. This is achieved only through parental support. In a situation where parents
employ only strictness and control and no love, children lose their individuality and fail to
take appropriate decisions in their life as the parents have always taken the decisions
Psychologists feel that it could amount to ‘authoritarian’ parenting. Children of
authoritarian parents do not become independent and develop severe anxiety under
situations that demand decision-making. They tend to play secondary roles in all their
activities. Such children fail to become leaders. There is always the possibility that they
feel inferior to others in all respects. In effect such children can never achieve the
expected goals of life.
Type – B (Low on control high on warmth)
This is another type of parenting in which parents show lots of love without exercising
adequate control. In fact punishment of all types are avoided under the misconception
that Psychologists are against punishment. Children need proportionate punishment
depending on their actions. Reward and punishment are the only two ways to make the
child discriminate between what is right and what is wrong. Values of the culture are
imbibed through the punishment and reward given by the parents. Children need to be
punished if situation demands it. The common fault is that on the one side many parents
indulge in inconsistent punishment. A child is reprimanded for his wrong doings on one
occasion and praised or ignored for the same action when it occurs again. This
confuses the child and is objected to by Psychologists. On the other side parents do not
punish or disagree with the child even if punishment is required. It is opined that parents
can always punish or disagree with the action(s) or behavior(s) of the child but should
not disapprove the child as he is. The motto is accept and love the child but reject and
punish the specific action of the child. This conveys to the child the feeling that parents
do love him/her but disapproves the action or behavior only.
In the ‘Type – B’ situation, children are likely to become spoiled and would manifest
antisocial and criminal behavior patterns. We do not want this at any cost!
Type – C (Low on control low on warmth)
Children cannot grow in an emotional vacuum. If the parents do not show any love, life
becomes barren to the child. Children are naturally emotional than rational. True
development of personality is a harmonious blending of the rational and the emotional.
The art of this amalgamation takes place only if parents are able to show love and
control in the right proportion. Children are creatures of instincts and circumstances.
Thus they are basically impulsive. When parents control the behavior of children they
come to understand that exercising control is absolutely necessary to have a smooth
social life.
So also children need to be loved. The hug of the mother when a child is under fear
reassures the child. Body contact between the mother and the child is the first sure
indicator of love to the child. As the child grows, words of reassurance would become
sufficient. Needless to say that expression of love in some form is an absolute must for
the healthy development of the child. It is obvious that love and control in the right
proportion is the surest way to healthy development. In the absence of these, the
personality of children gets distorted. Emotionally deprived children cannot become
good partners in their marital life as life between two individuals is successfully
mediated through the emotion of love. Emotions are uncontrolled expressions of a
primitive nature. Thus emotions need to be regulated in an acceptable way. Control by
parents gives children the essential guideline for emotional expression. It also gives the
necessary structure within which emotions can be expressed. Parenting without control
and love is not desirable. This is why Psychologists call that type of parenting as
‘Negligent parenting’.
Type – D (High on control high on warmth)
From the above it is very clear that the best parenting is the one with good control and
adequate love. Parents with high level of expressed love give clear indication to children
that children are loved unconditionally. They differentiate between the child as a person
on the one hand and the child’s behaviors on the other hand. Parents in the type – D
category clearly differentiate the ‘child’ from his ‘actions’. They also reward children for
desirable behaviors and punish or withdraw rewards for undesirable actions. These
parents are consistent in their behavior with children. They do not confuse children by
punishing them for one kind of behavior and rewarding them for the same behavior on a
later date. Children, like all of us, understand consistency much easily than erratic
behavior.
The most important point here is that a child when punished for his behavior
understands that parents still love him as a person. The opposite of this is an action
from the parents that amounts to total rejection of the child. When a child feels that the
parents reject him totally the child experiences intense loneliness and misery. This can
lower the self-esteem of the child and drive him to self-mutilation, aggression and even
suicide.
Let us look at the following expressions from parents.
Samples of communication in undesirable parenting.
Mother – "You are a naughty child. You always cause misery to all in the family. You are
bad".
Father – "You bet your brother. You are born "bad". You are really bad".
Samples of communication in desirable parenting.
Mother – " You broke the flower vase. This is not good behavior.
Here after do not break household articles".
Father – "You bet your brother. This is not a good behavior". He is very young.
You must learn to restrain this behavior with your brother".
Type – D parenting is what Psychologists call as ‘authoritative’ (not authoritarian)
parenting. This type of parenting never rejects a child totally, but only depreciates one of
his several actions. In this kind of parenting the child gets the clear idea that parents
disapprove one or two actions of him and do not out rightly reject him. This is very
important as out right rejection by parents brings in the greatest insecurity.
A continuously insecure child is a ‘time bomb’ and he might explode with severe
aggression at any moment. Children can also become severely depressed, as
depression is aggression turned to oneself.
Having understood these why don’t we go ahead with the most desirable parenting
style, the type – D? It is possible. After all every one of us wants our children to be
assets to the family and good citizens to the nation.

EMOTIONAL LITERACY FOR A PEACEFUL WORLD

Nutankumar S. Thingujam
Terrorist attacks on the twin towers of World Trade Center, and the Pentagon have killed more
than 6000 and simultaneously injured thousands of people from across the world. Many near and
dear ones of the diseased and injured are still mourning. Many people are unable to find their
loved ones, leading to only one option---acceptance of them being dead somewhere under the
rubble. It has resulted in xenophobia--fear or hatred of strangers or foreigners. Consequently,
many innocents have suffered from either physical or verbal harassment. Racism has gone up,
making it difficult to interact peacefully with people from different races. Xenophobia clearly
threatens our opportunity to learn from each other in a diversely populated area, especially in
cosmopolitan places. Death anxiety (fear of own and other's death) and Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD) have increased in many people in different parts of the world. Bombay bomb
blast in March, 1993 destroyed lots of properties as well as lives. Communal harmony was
disturbed to its peak, leading to hatred and hostility among different communities, harming
interpersonal trust. March, 2001 massacre in J& K (India) took the lives of several innocent
people, converting pilgrimage into hell. These are some of the few faces of terrorism.
The world leaders have been talking about crushing such inhuman activities. The question
remains quite clear. Are we going to be successful in dealing only with the reaction rather than
the causes? I am completely doubtful. This does not mean that we should keep quiet. Go ahead
and try to solve it. Everybody is waiting for a solution. But, I believe that what is more important
is a long lasting solution. A short-cut solution might be overpowering the other party with all the
evil weapons the world has developed in the name of protecting peace. Many world leaders have
been increasing production of war weapons in the name of national security. Some people are
dictating strict rules and regulations to the weaker sections of the society in the name of bringing
about a better society, thereby the weaker people follow the dreaded principles because of
unbearable threat to their lives. The feelings of the larger section of the society are not
considered at all. I wonder whether we are going ahead or back to the Stone Age!
As a psychologist I feel quite uncomfortable to keep quiet in such an uncertain situation that is
fast growing in the present world. This is why I decided to pen down some of my heart-felt
feelings. To start with solving the present crisis on global terrorism is quite complex as
influential leaders are arguably instigating each other. It is very difficult to change such people's
personality if they are not willing to change it. In fact, psychotherapy or counseling works only
when the clients or the patients are willing to change. Those who are instigating each other are
supposed to accept the fact that their feeling, thinking, and behavior are not accepted by majority
of the people in the society. It is necessary for them to understand the importance of a change in
their total or partial personality. For such world leaders I prefer leaving the decision to the so
called political gurus.
However, we can at least protect our children from future acts of such unbearable kind from the
world if the civilized people come together and promote global emotional literacy at the school
level. We can teach our children the importance of respecting individual differences in terms of
mental ability, appearances, personality pattern as a whole, and differences in race, caste, creed,
religion, and sex. It is also to be noted here that social psychologists have repeatedly claimed that
many White children who have never seen even a single Negro describe Negroes as of low
intelligence and untidiness. This is because those White parents keep talking ill of the Negroes in
front of their children. As a result they feel like treating the Negroes differently. Similar cases
are, I suspect, happening in India between the people of different religions, upper and lower
classes, village and urban, economically backward and forward states. Once such attitudes
involving thinking, feelings, and behavioral tendencies are well conditioned during childhood it
is quite difficult to change during adulthood, thereby increasing conflict. Elders have a moral
responsibility toward the society by protecting children from the evils of prejudice and
discrimination.
Besides, we can teach our children the importance of the following factors. First, it is identifying
emotions in others and in oneself in terms of positive emotions like love, happiness, and negative
emotions like anger, anxiety, depression, hatred, disgusting and jealousy. The causes of such
emotions and why we change from one state of emotion to another are to be understood. Second,
it is managing emotions in terms of nurturing positive emotions and reducing negative emotions
to the lowest possible. It is quite desirable for our children to learn that the feelings of being
labeled negatively, mocked, ignored, or rejected contribute to only conflict. Let us encourage our
children to learn the importance of using less force, pressure, violence, blaming, superiority and
more of understanding, acceptance, and cooperation. Let us encourage to first understand the
causes before deciding a punishment. Punishment alone can never be a long-term solution. I wish
this article encourages the whole society to promote emotional literacy at home, school and
workplace for a better society where there is a complete freedom to interact with, move around
with, and respect each other irrespective of caste, creed, religion and sex. It would be beneficial
if the concerned authorities take up immediate steps to make emotional literacy compulsory in
school curriculum.
Emotion Management for Daily Living
Nutankumar S. Thingujam

Emperor Asoka, at the end of the battle of Kalinga realized the importance of love and
peace for a healthy society. He then decided to leave hatred, anger, and revenge. Had
this wisdom been there beforehand there would have been a great possibility of not
waging war and thereby the lives of thousands of innocents could have been saved. In
our day to day life also whether it is at family, school or workplace we all encounter
anger, anxiety, and depression even though the amount differs from person to person
depending on several factors. Anger generally arises out of interpersonal interaction,
and is associated with physical health problems. Anger also destroys interpersonal
relation, peace, love and happiness of the self as well as others. Again, my own
research has clearly shown that higher level of anxiety is also associated with 1)
physical health problems like feeling dizzy, muscles trembling, skin itch, change in urine
color, changing eye color, picking sensations in parts of the body, etc. and 2) low self-
esteem like "I have low opinion of myself". An optimum level of anxiety is desirable, as it
is not possible to completely remove it out of our lives. Similarly, the higher frequency
and duration of depression makes our life halt. This is where we have to come to think
in terms of emotion management.
How do you answer the following questions? Always, sometimes, and never? " I worry
about my past mistakes". "I feel like giving up struggling in life". "Quite small set backs
irritate me too much". Many Western and Eastern researchers including myself have
found that people who answer to questions like these as "always" tend to be associated
with physical health problems like inability to get sleep or stay asleep; headache and
pains in head; indigestion or stomach upset; feeling very tired; decrease in appetite;
fever; nausea; back pain; and heart rate faster than usual. The bottom line is that
appropriate expression in terms of frequency, intensity, and duration (rather than
suppression) can help us to become healthy.
Again, how do you answer the following questions? Almost always, sometimes, often,
almost always? "I keep anger inside myself". "I argue with others". "I boil inside, but I do
not show it". Research has shown that those individuals who respond to these
questions as "almost always" tend to be associated with heart disease, cancer, and
hypertension in the long run. A review of research literature shows that suppressed
anger may be a symptom of good manner, but seems to increase one's blood pressure
just as much as expressed anger. Such emotions tend to raise susceptibility to and
progression of Cancer as well as Coronary Heart Disease(CHD). So, anger turns out
as a double-edged sword. Like anger, hostility is also associated with health problems
like heart disease. One of the simple reasons for the relation between negative
emotions like anger and anxiety, and physical health problems is that when we are in
higher levels of negative emotions our thinking pattern is disturbed to a great extent,
thereby the capacity to take care of the physical health is reduced. The good news is
that we can learn to express anger as well as other negative emotions at the right
amount. Generally, our anger is caused by our faulty belief systems, that Albert Ellis, a
New York based psychotherapist termed as irrational beliefs. With the help of a trained
psychologist it is possible to learn to minimize our irrational beliefs and turn them into
rational beliefs, that is, beliefs that are more practical in our day to day life, and based
on evaluations of real life settings. In the similar fashion we can at any time learn
effective management of other aspects of emotion.

In our daily life whether it is at home, school or workplace anger can be generated from
the following sample statements:
a. Just from your appearance Ajay, I can tell what a loser you are.

b. Ajay, your parents must be extremely disappointed in how you turned out.

c. Your low intelligence seems to come through in every thing you do, Ajay.

d. Ajay, you seem really dirty looking to me. You could use a course in basic hygiene.

e. Ajay, it doesn't look like you have the ability to play any kind of sport.

f. To be honest with you, Ajay, I thought you were a loser the moment I saw you.

We all will agree that these provocative statements may trigger anger to many of us
(even though not all the time). I admit that these are undesirable and it is not a picnic
when such provocative statements are bombarded to us, but it is important to reduce
the intensity, duration, and frequency of anger, thereby protecting our physical health.
The point I am trying to make here is that we should arm ourselves from not letting
anger be chronic, intense and enduring by changing perhaps our irrational beliefs. The
good news is that changing our belief system based on the real life settings can
minimize all these problems, thereby making life more meaningful to live. We can make
ourselves more human. In conclusion, effective emotion management can help us to
become healthy and wise in our everyday life.