Allegory of the Squirrel 1NC

***** THE 1NC IS NEVER THE SAME. BUT ITS USUALLY LIKE THIS*****
When problems overwhelm, us and sadness smothers us, where do we find the will and the courage to continue? Well, the answer may come in the caring voice of a friend, a chance encounter with a book, or from a personal faith. For Janet help came from her faith, but it also from a squirrel. Shortly after her divorce, Janet lost her father, then she lost her job. She had mounting money problems. But Janet not only survived, she worked her way out of despondency and now she says, life is good again. How could this happen? She told me that late one Autumn day when she was at her lowest she watched a squirrel storing up nuts for the winter, one at a time he would take them to the nest. And she thought, if that squirrel can take care of himself with the harsh winter coming along, then so can I. Once I broke my problems into small pieces I was able to carry them, just like those acorns, one at a time. That was in a White Stripes song (Little Acorns) The universe is expanding, but we do not know what it is expanding into. This makes the universe simultaneously all-encompassing and incomplete. The universe is therefore both all and none. This makes life itself an unanswerable paradox, and you should default to the only logical explanation: the universe does not even exist. Vote negative on presumption because the expansion of the universe is the foremost metaphysical question and until that question is answered there is no value to the 1AC.
Man, the universe is expanding at an alarming rate! Like we could just be one little atom or some shit. The Onion 99 (July 22, 1999 | ISSUE 3525, World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom?,
http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-top-scientists-ponder-what-if-the-whole-uni,712/)

NASA is just a bunch of selfish jerks who just sneak around doing bad things. I know this because an article told me, so it has to be true! Right? The Onion 02 (April 24, 2002 | ISSUE 3815, According To The Economist, NASA Is An Industrial Subsidy In Disguise,http://www.theonion.com/articles/according-to-the-economist-nasa-is-an-industrial-s,11532/)

NASA equipment is insufficient and can be destroyed really easily The Onion 97 (August 5, 1997 | ISSUE 3201, Mars Probe Destroyed By Orbiting Spielberg-Gates Space Palace,http://www.theonion.com/articles/mars-probe-destroyed-by-orbiting-spielberggates-sp,4473/)

The affirmatives obsession with detail really just annoys everyone The Onion 09 (February 6, 2009 | ISSUE 4506, Annoying Stickler Insists On Every Detail Of Space Mission Being Exactly Right,http://www.theonion.com/articles/annoying-stickler-insists-on-every-detail-of-space,2654/)

None of it matters in the grand scheme of geological time Justin Bieber 2011 (The Onion, "Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme
Of Geological Time" http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-obsessive-love-or-hatred-of-me-meansnothing,19707/)

The impact is that listening to their bullshit will waste your life

The Onion 2011 ("Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit"
http://www.theonion.com/articles/openminded-man-grimly-realizes-how-much-life-hes-w,19273/? utm_source=recentnews)

Laugh, dont cry Holcomb 2009 (Justine Schuchard, "In the Culture of Truthiness: Comic Criticism and the Performative
Politics of Stephen Colbert" (2009). Communication Theses. Paper 51.)