The Love Equation

Everyone wants to be loved, as humans, it is only natural to give and expect love in return. When you love someone and he or she loves you back, you are happy but when your love goes unrequited you become frustrated. How then do you know you are in love? That seems to be a pertinent question to ask as that is the key that you must use to unlock the mystery of love. Sometimes, people think it is all about feelings and emotions but experience and common sense have taught us to have more than a rethink on this matter. As usual, there is always wisdom and knowledge to acquire from the Scriptures even on a subject matter like love. We will consider this subject in three parts; first we will look at popular misconceptions that do not make the process of acquiring true knowledge an easy task, second we will try to answer how to to tell when you are in love and third, we will look at other closely related issues. Tackling misconceptions One Eve for one Adam - There cannot be just ONE person in the entire world that you can get married to. Marriage like any other thing common to humans is a choice - a choice to pick someone above all else (Genesis 2:18-24). Even on a logical basis, this notion does not pass as you can just imagine how possible it will be to find one person out of the about 7 billion people in the world. What of those people whose Eves or Adams died at birth or at some other point in their lives before they could meet their future partner. These are some of the reasons this assumption of one Eve for one Adam just does not make any sense. There should be a good number of people you can possibly get married to in this world not just only one person. It is instructive to note that the Bible says that God brought Eve to Adam and not chose; there is a whole world of difference between the two. Of great value is the fact that Adam put a definition on Eve before giving her a name (verse 23). In other words he evaluated her and recognised what she was worth before putting a label on her so to speak. That is pretty much the same way it should work now as not everyone you meet is for you so you must be able to identify and assess the potential for companionship in the people you meet in your everyday life. Bone of my bone - I have a question for all the guys who are looking for the

bone of their bone, did God tell you that he took out your bone to make a woman? That was personal to Adam at the time! Even the ladies are now looking for the bone of their bone and the flesh of their flesh meanwhile the Scriptures clearly state that God took out a bone from Adam and used it to form Eve. The reason some people have not seen is probably because they are looking for what does not exist or that they are in a deep sleep and it is not God who put them in it! Even in relationships and marriage there are good choices and there are bad choices, the Spirit of God will help you make the right choice. God knows the end of a thing from the beginning so he is able to reveal to you if that guy or lady who seems to fit all your requirements and meet your specifications is a good match for you. Marriage is about loving imperfect people perfectly, and ideally, it is not like a shop where you can return goods already bought and paid for. How to tell you are in love We will look at five principles that will aid you to come to a decision about whether you are in love. It is important to state here that love is not just about feelings and emotions. Agreement - Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3 NIV) There must be some agreement about an end in sight to which both people must be a party to. How do you settle quarrels and disagreement? Are you always fighting, quarrelling and arguing over seemingly insignificant issues? If you do not sort out some issues before marriage they will drown you in the marriage and eventually your marriage. If both of you can agree on not just a destination but how to get there then you know you are in love. Knowledge - In Philippians 1:9-10, we see true love as a function of knowledge and depth of insight. Paul was not necessarily talking about romantic love here but the principles are the same irrespective of the definition of love that is used. You cannot develop love without knowledge. How well do you know your partner? His/her likes? Dislikes? Do you know your partners hobbies and interests, parenting and child rearing views, educational and professional goals, background, philosophy of life etc.? The list goes on and on, the salient point here is that you must find out everything you can and ask as many questions as possible. Tested and tried by time - In Genesis 29:16-30 we see how long Jacob had to work to prove his love for Rachel. He could have easily given up before the first year was over but he had to work all of 14 years before he could say he had paid

the price for her love. That is why we maintain that you cannot claim to be in love with someone you just met as the word time encompasses the good and the bad times. Love must prove to be love at all times whether good or bad. In summary, love is a deep seated commitment that takes time to nurture and grow. Sacrifice - Romans 5:8 makes us to understand that God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. The principle I want to extract from this verse is that of sacrifice. How much of a sacrifice are you willing to make to ensure that other person is better for it? Are you motivated to give unselfishly? What are you willing to do to help him or her realise dreams and fulfil the plan in divine agenda as established by God? What is it that you are ready to do to make the other person better? Separate from emotions and feelings - Apart from the way you feel about that other person can you mention other attributes and qualities that you find in no one else and make him or her unique to you? Emotions and feelings are like pendulums and they always swing based on our experiences and situations. Physical appearance may not be eternal so your love should not just be based on emotions and feelings that derive from the other partys looks alone. Any Other Business (AOB) Here we will look at three issues that are very important and should not be overlooked by any believer who wants to start or sustain a love relationship with anyone of the opposite sex. Love is not blind - There is a popular saying that love is blind and even songs have been sung to justify this claim. So is love really blind? Many women are in abusive relationships and they still remain in them claiming to be in love. Many women are in relationships with half-men who have attribute and qualities they know they cannot live with under ideal conditions, yet they claim to be in love and turn a blind eye to all these signs. Others are in relationships and they get to notice undesirable qualities in their partners and because they claim to be in love, they just assume all is well and that everything will be all right. Relationships are for research, reflection, and repositioning. Find out as much as you can about your partner (research), think deeply about the results of your findings and make informed decisions (reflection) and take action that will be best for you in the matter (repositioning). When you discover issues you know you cannot live with, which will most likely be a pit in your marriage, you are at liberty to part ways

amicably. There is nothing like love at first sight - When you meet someone for the first time it is impossible to fall in love immediately, it is possible though to be attracted to that person. Imagine this scenario, if you already have a mental picture of what you want your dream man or woman to be like, when you meet someone who seems to fit that mould and meet all your specifications it is not unlikely that you will be attracted to him or her. Attraction is possible at first sight but love is not, because love cannot be developed on a platform of ignorance. Love is not just about feelings and emotions but about making informed decisions based on your observations and discoveries. Do not be unequally yoked - One of the core pillars of agreement when two people start a relationship is as concerns the headship of that union. 2 Cor. 6:14-15 NIV says Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and

wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? If a believer joins an unbeliever in a relationship, then there will be
conflict as to who the head of that union will be, God or Satan. It is even beyond going to church regularly as not everyone who goes to the church of God has encountered the God of the church. This means believers in God should only join themselves with other believers; there is no other standard we know as every other is less than Gods best. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if

her husband dies she is free to marry anyone she wishes but he must

belong to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39 NIV, emphasis mine).

Authors note: This message was first preached at the Parish Youth Chapel, Church of the Pentecost (Anglican Communion), 21 Road, Festac Town, Lagos on Sunday, 25th March 2012 at both the 7am and 10am services, in my capacity as Coordinator.