Chapter 12

Pornography and Truly Forbidden Fruits

Any addiction, from substances to pornography, is harmful for the individual, the family, and society. Although many sex books will recommend seeing erotica or pornographic films as inspiration, these are harmful to both the body and the soul. It dehumanizes the act of sex and disrespects your spouse. We are bombarded with sexual innuendo every waking hour, and have to make a conscious effort to avoid it. In chats, forums, blogs, magazines, movies, live shows, online videos, websites, portals, books, stories, photographs, advertising, and more, sexuality surrounds us. By submerging ourselves in pornographic material on a daily basis, we lose touch with our individual desires and buy into the consumer version of love.

What is Pornography? We define pornography as any sexually explicit material that makes you or your spouse focus on something other than each other. Pornography renders sexual excitement as an end to itself, rather than a way to both reach closeness. When a husband watches another woman on a celluloid screen and then makes love to his wife, he gives his wife his body, but gives the image on the television his heart and mind. Nancy Reagan once said, Pornography is pornographyMovies are attempting to destroy something thats supposed to be the most beautiful thing that a man a woman can have by making it cheap and common. Sex thrives when it is somewhat concealed and hidden and involves imagination. Like the negative of a photo, sex loses color through over-exposure. This is why a body clothed in lingerie is more erotic than a nude one: it invites fantasy and exploration. Porn is a powerful force, and leads many married couples to divorce. It easily can become an addiction that will enslave and destroy you. Just like drugs, the more you use the more you need them, and the bigger the high you look for. The statistics on the use of porn are not very encouraging. According to Family Safe Media, U.S. adults who regularly visit Internet pornography websites number 40 million. 47 percent of Christians said pornography is a major problem in the home. Of visitors to pornography sites 72% are male and 28% female. The average age of first exposure to porn is 11 years old. By the age of 15-17 years old, 80 percent of teens have seen hardcore pornography. With
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The Veiled Garden

the Internet, the barriers to see pornography have been lowered so much that it has become a social epidemic. All of us have needs that we desire to fill, but we have to be careful not to look for it in the wrong places. Porn can address sexual arousal, intimacy, boredom, loneliness, personal insecurities, relationships and community. But porn changes how yow you view humanity and destroys human relationships. It can get you addicted and lead you to other evils such as depression and a disconnection from God. Pornography and Spirituality Everything a couple undertakes in their sex life should build them up and direct them towards each other and God. Sexually explicit material can easily cause unrealistic or impossible expectations, insecurities and body issues, or feelings of inadequacy. God is concerned with our hearts, not just our actions. If what we read or view causes us to desire or fantasize about illicit sexual activities, then we have wronged in our hearts. We must decide if there is any good to come from something, and weigh that against any bad that could come from it. At several places in the Quran, God warns mankind not to follow the steps of Satan: "He will incite you for shameful things and encourage you to do universally accepted wrong things (24:21). The Prophet Muhammad also said, No man or woman should look at the naked body of each other (unless married). Nudity is strictly confined to marriage, and any activity that goes beyond this territory is sinful. Having Taqwa, which can be described as being aware of God and
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includes fear, love, guidance and presence of God, excludes sinful acts. Why gain sin, when you can get reward by doing that which God and his Prophet have permitted and encouraged. These are the types of questions one must ask oneself in evaluating the desire for pornography. Counteracting Pornography We know porn is destructive, both morally and spiritually, for our sex lives. So what can you do about it? Never take your cues about sex from pornography, movies, and magazines. They present immoral or unreal fantasies. Stop watching, and start doing. The more one watches porn, the less time one has for pursuing intimate sex that can transform your spiritual, emotional, and physical life. As this book has argued repeatedly, sex is built on intimacy that develops over time between married couples.