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FUNERAL IN JAPAN

A Westerners Experience of the


Preparations and Ceremonies for a
Japanese Buddhist Funeral
By B. E. Mayne
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FUNERAL IN JAPAN

A Westerners Experiences of the Preparations and Ceremonies for a Japanese


Tendai Buddhist Funeral

Contents
Saturday, 13 February 2010 .............................................................................................................. 3
Death of K.S. and removal of body to family home ..................................................................... 3
Funeral arrangements and schedule and further paying respects to departed ..................... 4
Sunday, 14 February ......................................................................................................................... 6
Encoffination Ceremony ................................................................................................................ 6
Vigil for departeds last night at the family home ........................................................................ 8
Monday 15 February .......................................................................................................................... 9
Removal of the departed to the Memorial Hall ............................................................................. 9
Evening Service at the Memorial Hall ......................................................................................... 10
Tuesday 16 February ....................................................................................................................... 15
Day service at the Memorial Hall and transport of deceased to the crematorium ................... 15
Cremation ..................................................................................................................................... 16
Placing the bones into the urn .................................................................................................... 17
Meal following cremation............................................................................................................. 18
Later ................................................................................................................................................. 20
Observances during the 49-day period ...................................................................................... 20
28 March 2010 .................................................................................................................................. 21
49th Day Ceremony and Interment............................................................................................... 21
After the 49th Day Ceremony........................................................................................................... 24
NOTES:............................................................................................................................................. 27
Encoffination Nokanshiki note ................................................................................................. 27
Kaimyos illustration and note .................................................................................................. 27

Saturday, 13 February 2010


Death of K.S. and removal of body to family home
When I spoke to my wife, M, at the hospital, she told me that her father, K. S., had died at 6:12 that
morning and two of her siblings were already there. She said her fathers body would be taken to the
family (oldest sons) home at 7am and that she would be home shortly. We would be required to join
the body, pay our respects and also be present to welcome other more distant family and friends who
came to pay their own respects.
M went ahead, and I followed soon. There was a light snow falling and the hills and surrounding forests
were beautiful.

Entrance and Front Garden of K. S.s home with surrounding hills

We were shown into a large traditional Japanese room apparently a formal guest room not normally
lived in by the family. On one side near the windows stood a low table with cushions around it at which
were sat Ms older brother and several other men in discussion. One of the men looked like a
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businessman or official, and was completing papers with the family and helping to decide which date
would be best for the funeral (some dates are unlucky and are to be avoided). I learned later that this
man was almost certainly from the funeral company. He looked happy, and I understood why later
when I learned that Japanese funerals are considered the most expensive in the world (recent average
cost estimated at USD $25,000, which does not include a plot in a cemetery or stone markers - that on
their own could well total more than USD $20,000 for reasonably priced ones in our area).
Ks body was laid out on the tatami (traditional rice and rush straw) mat floor on the other side of the
room. It was covered in a white cloth except for the face. He looked like his old self, but far more at
peace than when I saw him in hospital; then he often appeared drugged and trapped in his useless
body although generally his mind was reasonably clear and he was not usually in pain.
We went separately to the cushion in front of a low table, which was beside K, and on which two candles
were lit and there was incense and a small gong/bell which could be rung by hitting it with a small rod.
I was shown how to kneel on a cushion in front of that table, light two sticks of incense, shake the sticks
to put out any flame (you never blow!) and place the sticks into an awaiting container with sand, then
sound the bell and say a prayer.
I was next ushered out of that room and into the usual family living room across the hall, which adjoins
a kitchen area, where I and some others sat on cushions around a similar low table and were served
green tea and nibbles. Some other people joined us in this room, mostly Ks grandchildren. Here we
sat for close to 3 hours (I was mostly in silence, yet having to seem interested in others and what they
were saying, despite not understanding more than about 20% of it).

Funeral arrangements and schedule and further paying respects to departed


A man, apparently from the funeral company arrived with a cooler/heater food bag, and asked for hashi
(chopsticks). The lady of the house, my sister-in-law, spent some time finding an appropriate pair.
These were to put into a bowl of rice on the table next to Ks body. They are thrust into the rice together
and stand up in it, which I understand is why it is very bad etiquette to push chopsticks into food in
everyday life.
M finally asked me if I would like to sit in the more formal room by the body and I agreed to this, and
was able to sit on a cushion there in a more comfortable state somewhere in between meditation
(seeking to join Ks peaceful expression) and sleep, now not having to pay attention to others. M told
me that the men around the low table in the formal room were making the funeral arrangements and
schedule, deciding on the days for each part of it and who would be invited to join close families for the
meals. After about 45 minutes of my sitting there M said she was going to her mothers nearby house
and asked if I wanted to join her. She needed to rest and eat, as she had been on duty at the hospital
all night with her father. I readily agreed to join her, and we went to her parents home.
On our way there M said that the funeral costs would be high, twice as much as her sister-in-laws (only
3 weeks ago) had been. I assumed this was due to a reflection of Ks more prominent position in the
community, as family leader, a company founder and ex-town Councillor. She also said that this funeral
would require the close family female members to wear black kimonos, which would have to be hired,
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at an additional cost. I reminded her about flowers and she agreed this would also be an expense.
From her estimates, it seems our own contribution to this funeral, including the elaborate meals
involved, would approximate USD $1,000, because of our being such close family members.
Her mother had been with a sister-in-law who brought her back soon after. Her mother thanked me for
my condolences and hug. M and she ordered a soba (buckwheat noodles) lunch from a nearby
restaurant run by a cousin/family relation, which was delivered, and M was able to have a bit of a rest
after, but not before making me try on two of her fathers white shirts as possible ones to wear at his
funeral.
M said it was best we return to her elder brothers home and pay further respects, show our presence
as family to other guests, and then I, as a foreigner, could be excused from staying longer, and return
home. Ms mother came with us, taking a low chair she could sit on around the low tables. I went with
her as she approached her late husbands form. The great-grandchildren had wanted to come in and
watch, but were kept out. She sat in her chair in front of K. S. and stroked his face, said with deep
emotion Arrigato, just a simple and meaningful thank you, and broke down in tears.
After, she and I joined the older brother at the low table in the end opposite end to where Ks body lay
in this formal room. Various other visitors came and bowed to the elder brother and were bowed back
to. Many of these bows (on both sides) were with knees and hands on the floor and foreheads touching
the floor as well the bow of deepest respect and it seems, once offered by one to another who is
considered to be at an equal level for the occasion, it is etiquette to return the same bow back.
Once more there was lots of conversation, including financial arrangements between the siblings and
their mother. I sat at this low table for about 2 hours, acknowledging people as best I could, drinking
green tea, but largely staring out of the window and connecting with awareness and Ks peaceful
expression. Finally M told me it was ok for me to return to our home. She said that, as a foreigner, I
would be forgiven for not staying as a close family member to welcome and acknowledge further guest
visits though she herself would stay and do this. Her mother decided she wanted to come with me
to return to her home; so, after I said my good-byes in Japanese telling family members I would see
them on the morrow - I drove my mother-in-law home and arrived back at our home at about 4pm. M
did not return home until nearly 9 pm, still having to make phone calls to further possible attendees to
the funeral. She was clearly exhausted, but too stressed to be able to relax.

Sunday, 14 February
Encoffination Ceremony
Today, M had to leave midmorning to return to her elder brothers home. I joined her there just before
1pm. There were few people in the house. Her elder brothers wife met me and took me into the formal
guest room. We went to Ks form. His face was covered with a satin-looking white cloth, which she
removed, so I could sit by him and say my prayers. I also noticed that the wedding poem he had written
to us and the poem he had written in 2002 and given to my parents, which I had shown him in hospital
and that he had wanted on the wall there, were now displayed in a frame next to him. M later said these
may well join him in the coffin as special items for him to take on his journey ...a very great honour.
She said many people had commented on the charcoal burning poem.
I next moved to the low table and lit the incense, rang the bell and said a further prayer. When I was
finished, she re-covered his face and we went into the family living room where I was served green tea.
More family and guests arrived. We moved back into the formal room where Ks body was, sat at low
tables and were served more green tea and snacks. Not long after, Ks two brothers (aged about 73
and 88 respectively) and my mother-in-law also joined us.
Just before 2pm, a small van from the Memorial Hall funeral company came and everyone made way
for the two staff and what they had brought with them. We were about to observe and participate in
the encoffination ceremony, called a nokanshiki here. (See note at end.)
They first came in with a large bag of what appeared to be white cloths, bowed to everyone present,
and next went to K.s body and bowed deeply to it, too. Everyone sat down on cushions on the floor
for what continued. There were about 45-50 close family and friends in the room at this time, including
quite young children, such as all of Ks great-grandchildren (who were clearly fascinated by the
proceedings the eldest great-grand-daughter, F, aged 10, was in tears). These staff members then
took off the white cloth covering Ks body, which was dressed in a kimono, and removed bricks of dry
ice wrapped in white cloth that had been around it. They took the white cloths from the bag and dressed
him in a white kimono (without removing the original kimono he was in).
Next the staff brought in a large bundle of ropes, each of which was a little longer than belt length.
These were handed out one by one to each of the participants and we were instructed to tie them
around our waists with a special knot which made one end point up and the other down. Then we were
offered wet cloth towels to go to K to wipe his faced hands and feet. Men were required to wipe his
face and hands in an upward motion only, while women did his feet.
After this, white socks and white hand coverings were put on him. Very close family were asked to help
in parts of this dressing, ladies putting on the cloth socks and leggings and men helping to secure the
ties on the hand coverings. Very old-style, but new, Japanese raffia-type sandals were next put on his
feet. M told me the white clothes and sandals, as well as the offerings which were to be included in the
coffin, were to help him on his long journey to heaven.
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Two cushions were placed beside him and the staff then brought in a coffin, which was probably some
kind of wood, but covered completely in a lovely blue foil with an intricate design. The coffin was placed
on the two cushions, and then close family members, including myself, helped to lift Ks body, using
the sheet it was lying on, into the coffin.
The funeral company staff then took out the remaining white cloths from their bag and covered his body
except for his face and added lots of small cloths around the body, to which they next added new white
cloth-covered dry ice.
A white bag with a drawstring was given to Ms elder brother to put the money into which would
accompany K. on his journey. A sum of 1060 yen was requested, which his wife went out and returned
with. Several letters the great-grandchildren had written, along with some bracelet beads F. had made,
were added, together with a photo Ks older brother put in, which was of K. and him together. The
funeral staff monitored what was put into the coffin, as some items may not be suitable for inclusion in
the cremation process.
A lid was put on the coffin, which had a Perspex style window over Ks face with doors on top of it so it
could be opened for viewing.

Formal guest room in K. S.s eldest sons home used to keep and honour the body until it can
be taken to the Memorial Hall services. A low table with candles holds a white bowl for
burning incense. The blue covered coffin has shutters over a window above the face of the
departed for visitors to open to view before kneeling on the blue cushion and performing the
incense prayer ritual. Food offerings are behind the coffin. A poem in Japanese calligraphy
written by K has been set on the windowsill.

We then were asked to return the rope belts to the funeral company staff, and went to cleanse our
hands with some salt and wash them ...discouraging unwelcome spirits.
We then returned to the low tables and passed the next hour or so with more green tea and nibbles
and conversation, during which time my mother-in-law was taken home.
Considering that 99+% of Japanese funerals are cremations, I asked M if this probably costly - coffin
would be recycled/re-used (I understand about 10% of England funerals are now eco-friendly, mostly
using cardboard coffins), but she said it would not be, but would be burnt with the body. I also noted
to her that the energy used in cremations is not eco-friendly and is much more than a burial requires,
but she reminded me that space is at a premium in Japan.

Vigil for departeds last night at the family home


I joined family in the living room. M told me that her fathers body would be taken to the Memorial Hall
on the morrow and that her brother had offered her the chance to stay with it at his home this one last
night. She wanted to do this, as did a lady who had been his close assistant for years. She asked me
if I wanted to spend the night there with them, too. I declined, while fully honouring Ms doing this.
A few more people came later to pay their respects. M went with her sister-in-law to rent a black kimono
for the funeral ceremony apparently she has to go to a beauty shop to have help in putting it on!

Monday 15 February
Removal of the departed to the Memorial Hall
M returned home very tired, saying she had been unable to sleep, because she had assumed the duty
of keeping incense burning through the night next to her fathers body. She said she had thought it best
to let the staff member sleep, because of the latters health problems.
She could only stay a short while and then left to return to her elder brothers home to help welcome
further guests coming to pay their respects.
I joined her there at 2 pm. She was exhausted and soon went to her nearby mothers home for a break,
but returned in time for the only non-close family visitor we had, a most important member of the national
parliament/diet whom K had supported. He viewed Ks face through the Perspex window and then,
after lighting an incense stick and ringing the bell, kneeled and recited Buddhist prayers out loud before
the coffin. The family were very attentive to him. He also read Ks displayed poems. A cushion was
placed for him at the low table and a cup of green tea put before it. He was going to leave after his
prayer, but stayed for the tea and used the time to speak to the close family. He was a man with an
impressive presence in love with hearing himself speak.
I was surprised to see many of the key family members standing in the hall just after 4 pm, as the
removal of the coffin was not scheduled until half an hour later. As usual, Japanese are strict on times
and the 4:30 meant the leaving time, meaning the funeral company had to arrive beforehand to arrange
the moving of the coffin into their vehicle. They came just after 4:10 in an unusual Toyota Van which
had been equipped with an extendable slide mechanism on rollers for taking a coffin on one side, and
also had seats for five family members on the other. Four or five male family members helped to carry
the coffin from the room to the sliding door to the outside, and there a further four family members,
myself included, helped to carry it to the vehicle. Some of the key items surrounding the body were
also taken.
We all bowed in prayer to honour K as the vehicle drove off.
M and I returned home after this, but only briefly, as we had to change into formal black funeral wear
and then join family at the Memorial Hall to welcoming guests for the evening service. She showed me
the special funeral envelope the money gift from us is put into. One writes the enclosed amount inside
and who it is from, so that the receiver can carefully record who gave what amounts. The actual money
itself is wrapped in a further inner paper with the notes put face down. M said older more worn notes
are given face down like this for funerals, while newer notes presented face up are used for happier
events, such as weddings. The closer one is in family, the more one is expected to pay. More distant
family and other attendees might offer from 20 to 40% of what was required of us.

Evening Service at the Memorial Hall


We went to the same local Memorial Hall where my sister-in-laws service had been about 3 weeks
before, but were directed to go upstairs, where there was a much larger space.

Interior Room at the Memorial Hall with the tables holding the incense burners between the
audience and the priest and coffin ceremony area. Bouquets of flowers with names of the
donors written above them line the walls to honour the departed.

It included an internal room seating about 80, plus a further 25 or so in two rows on each side in the
front part for close family members, which also contained the coffin and area for the Buddhist priest.
The walls of the internal room were covered with floral gifts with the names of the donors displayed
on each.

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Ceremony area for the priest and coffin, showing people coming ahead of commencement to
pay their respects. The two rows of seats on each side of this area are for closest family
members. Similarly, the bouquets of flowers with prominent donor names written on the white
plaques above them in this area are also from close family members. The mukogyo, or fish
drum, can be seen on the nearest orange and blue cushion.

The very front of the internal room had two small rows of seats on each side, reserved for closest family,
men on one side and women on the other. This front part included the cloth covered coffin, a large
photo of K, food offerings, the seat and table and instruments used by the Buddhist priest, containers
in which incense is burned and many of the flowers from those closest to the deceased with the names
of the donors written on prominent signs above them.

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External or second room off the internal one for overflow attendees. This one has its walls
lined with gifts of food and other consumables to honour the departed.

In addition to this internal room, there was an external room in which photographs of K were being
shown on a large wall monitor. This room probably had more than 100 seats in it as well. The walls
here were covered mostly with ornate gifts of tinned, bottled and dry food with the names of the donors
supplied written prominently above each.

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Another view of the external room which also shows the monitor that, before the ceremony,
rotates through a series of photos of the departed for guests to watch.

The monitor showed a rotation of photographs of K and nature scenes. There was also a large TV-like
screen on a wall showing the inner room, so that those in this back room could follow what was
happening during each part of the ceremony.

We were seated about 20 minutes before the start time in the especially reserved close family member
section at the very front. The seating position seemed to depend on ones closeness to the deceased,
but also in relation to next family leader. On the mens side of the inner circle Ms elder brother, as
family leader to follow K, had first place, his younger brother was next to him, Ks younger brother next,
and then two son-in-laws, including me, followed by cousins of Ms and some other slightly more distant
relatives in the row behind us.
This service lasted about an hour and a half and included prayers by the priest, and we closer members
of the family going to the tables with the incense burners and, after bowing to both sides of the audience,
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dropping what looked like wood chips onto hot stones or coals sitting in sand to burn and bowing in
prayer to the coffin and photo behind it. After this we returned to our seats, but had to remain standing.
The audience, in groups of 6 at a time came up and did the same routine with the incense burners.
They bowed separately to each of the female and male sides of the close family, both before and after
they did their incense ritual. This meant we had to bow back to them. After those attending had paid
their respects in this manner, they left the room through a side door. I was quite surprised to find that
many more people who could not fit into the hall had been waiting outside the outer hall and down the
stairs, now came to pay their respects through offering the same incense/prayer ritual. This meant
bowing to all these guests twice each. The depth of my own bow varied according to the depth of the
bow offered to me. M told me later that about 500 people had come to honour her father and pay their
respects to him on this evening. This could have meant bowing up to 1000 times, but in fact many of
those who had come to the front bowed at the same time (and some did not bow), so we did not need
to bow as much as might have been required. It was a solemn and most genuine mark of respect to
the deceased.
During the length of this incense and prayer ceremony, the Buddhist priest chanted a sutra while
beating a hollowed out wooden Buddhist instrument called a mokugyo known as a wooden fish in
other Asian countries. It was most enjoyable to listen to, and I remembered hearing both the chant and
rhythmic beating at a Zen Buddhist retreat I attended in Hawaii. (M told me this priest who is from her
family area - and the services were following the Tendai Buddhist practices, which developed from
Mahayana Buddhism. I understand there are about 7 main Buddhist sects observed in Japan, which
are further divided into more than 160 sub sects probably not far off Christianitys many denominations
today.)
After the service family and close friends went to a hotel restaurant in Omama presumably owned by
an acquaintance of Ms eldest brother who is a major business figure in the local area, and a member
of many clubs, including being current President of the local Lions chapter. Here this brother expressed
thanks to everyone, and we were served a set meal and drinks.
M asked me if I would like to spend the night in vigil with Ks body at the Memorial Hall, it being the last
night before the cremation. I declined, but learned that one grandson and the husband of a granddaughter would perform this service.
Afterwards, we returned home. M had put some salt in a dish by the door, saying we had to throw/put
some on ourselves after coming back from the Memorial Hall, to clean us from spirits of those who died
and hang around such places, so we observed this tradition.

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Tuesday 16 February
Day service at the Memorial Hall and transport of deceased to the crematorium
At 8 am M went to a nearby hairdressers where she had arranged to be dressed in the black kimono
she had hired. Very close family had agreed the ladies would wear black kimonos. (I suggested that
we buy a black kimono for her at a 2nd hand shop, but M said it was a lot of trouble to keep a kimono
properly.) I got ready and left for the Memorial Hall before 10 am. There, together with other close
family and friends, we greeted some of the many others who arrived.
Prior to the service starting, people were free to go up to the coffin and open the doors over the window
to view Ks peaceful face.
The service started at 10:30 am, and again both rooms were full, and I could see people standing at
the back and on the stairs. The service was a repeat of last evenings. This time about 300 attended,
some new and some who had come before. Ms mother was there in a wheelchair, but left before the
service finished. Near the end a man in the audience raised his hand to speak and a microphone was
brought to the front of the hall. He came up and made an impassioned speech which had many people,
including him, in tears. I learned later that he is married to a cousin of Ks and that some years before
his business had run into trouble. K had loaned his brother and him money to get through this difficult
time, and the business had recovered. He said if K had not loaned this money to him, he might have
had to kill himself. M told me that her father had helped many people this way. Most had repaid him,
but not all, and at least one had killed himself. Her older brother also gave a talk about his father,
including note of the long illness he had been through.
At the end of the hour and a half service, people left the main room, while staff took down the flowers
from some of the closest family and put the coffin in the centre of the room, removing the lid. The doors
were opened and every one, closest family first, were invited to queue, take a few flowers and place
them in the coffin. With the large number of people there this took some time. It was so impressive
watching it happen. The white clothes and all except for Ks face - gradually became covered with
beautiful flowers, their green stems with a few leaves and their scent. There were so many that the
flowers rose as high as five inches above the sides of the coffin in places.
The Buddhist priest then added, as the last flower offering, a spray of beautiful purple orchids near the
centre of the coffin. It was a very thoughtful, loving and touching means to bid farewell to a loved one
to see just their peaceful face and all the rest of their body covered with flowers and their scent. Then,
the copies of two poems K had written were placed in the coffin, along with a ceremonial knife wrapped
in purple cloth, a CD of birdsong K had liked and a book on charcoal making. It was an emotional
moment, as it was clear this was the last close time anyone would have with the opened coffin with Ks
physical self. The lid was then replaced. Thankfully it was convex and managed to fit over the high
mound of flowers.

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Very close family members, together with staff, then accompanied the coffin down to the first floor in
an elevator and helped put the coffin into a very ornate converted Lincoln Town Car, which had a large
gilded compartment decorated with dragon statues and images.

Ornate Japanese hearse used by those who wish for (and can afford) a more elegant journey
from the Memorial Hall to the Crematorium

M told me that her father said he would have been happy to have his body taken to the crematorium in
his old pickup truck. However, as family leader, businessman and ex-town councillor, K was having
this done in style. Close family and friends entered three busses, which followed this ornate hearse to
the Kiryu City Crematorium. Others came in their cars.
Cremation
Close family helped remove the coffin from the hearse and place it on a gurney a crematorium staff
member had wheeled into attendance. The gurney was then wheeled into an area at the back of the
entry lobby. Here, there was a last viewing of Ks face for those who wanted to see it, and many people
also gave his form a final touch. There were many tears.
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Crematorium hall with mechanised doors, behind which are elevators which take the coffin
and remains for cremation. Next to each door in use is a photo and/or kaimyo (spiritual name)
of the departed written on a wooden plaque

Then the coffin was wheeled in front of one of a row of seven crematorium doors. Four others were in
use, meaning that five of the seven would be burning simultaneously. Photos and the Buddhist kaimyo
names were placed beside each door, so there would be no mistaking which bones and ashes belonged
to which family.
We retreated to a waiting room with seats and tables and were served a small boxed lunch of vegetarian
sushi. The wait was expected to be 1-2 hours. (It turns out an infant may take less than an hour to
cremate, but a large adult might take closer to two. I asked M about this and she said the waiting was
not just the burning time, but the staff had to allow time for the bone remains to cool.)
Placing the bones into the urn
After about an hours wait, Ks family name was announced over a loudspeaker and M hurried me to
be among Ks closest family to be the first to pick up one of his bones in pairs using chopsticks and to
put it into the urn.
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We queued to enter a smaller enclosure off the main entry area which included the urn to the rear,
bones and a little ash in front of it, all on a table, which was surrounded by a circular counter with some
long chopsticks like the kind used in cooking - on it. Ks photo was on a shelf on the wall facing us
and the Buddhist priest was beside the ashes. I noted the urn already had a lot of ashes and some
bones in it.
All those who wished to were expected to approach the remaining bones on the table in turn and, using
the large chopsticks, pick up the bones in pairs meaning two people with two sets of chopsticks pick
up a bone together and place it in the urn. This part of the procedure was totally different from my
funeral experiences in both Canada and England.
I approached the bone remains with M, with whom I would share in placing a bone we picked up into
the urn. I had been told one is meant to start with the leg bones and work ones way up, so the body
is meant to have some semblance of being upright in the urn. M asked me if my hand was steady for
handling chopsticks and warned me not to drop the bone. When we were at the remains, I could see
some recognizable bones. We selected a prominent one and, together, with two pairs of chopsticks,
picked it up and placed it into the urn. (Apparently, such sharing of chopsticks in funerals makes it
taboo for any similar sharing of chopsticks to happen in handling food.)
An unusually large number of family and friends, including quite a few very young children, had come
to participate in this ceremony and it took some time for each of them to do this. During all of this ritual
the Buddhist priest was chanting a sutra next to the urn and ashes. Towards the end, Ks children and
I came to observe the last of the bones and ashes carefully brushed onto a stainless steel dustpan and
dropped into the urn by a white gloved attendant. At the very end, three parts of Ks skull (and a bone
from the throat believed to be sacred), which had been kept apart from the other bones, were put on
top of all the other bones. The skull parts were carefully arranged so that the top outside part of the
skull was uppermost. The urn was then put into a gilded paper container, and the whole of this package
was then given to one of Ks sons.
Rather than the experience being macabre, there was a sense of deep devotion about it, as well as an
acknowledgement of the preciousness, and transitory beauty of the physical, somewhat in the same
way as the fleeting cherry blossom is so celebrated each spring in Japan.

Meal following cremation


We then rejoined the bus and rode back to the Memorial Hall. Some continued in the bus to the
restaurant, but we went in our car. Once everyone was seated at the restaurant, there were a couple
of speeches and a toast. We all had ornate dishes of sushi and udon noodles and rice in front of us
and there were drinks on each table, too. I noted a small table against a wall at the end of the room
had Ks urn, photo and a similar meal served to it.
The meals came with a plastic wrapper, so that people could take home whatever they had not eaten
in the hour or so allotted to them at the restaurant. M and her siblings served drinks to people through
the meal and thanked people as they left.
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We were given a copy of Ms fathers kaimyo (see illustration and note on kaimyos at the end) to put
on our wall for 49 days, and also given flowers from the many which had been displayed at the
ceremony.
Once home we threw some token salt on ourselves before entering the house. We hung our copy of
Ks kaimyo on the wall in the kitchen and put some flowers and a glass of water under it. M explained
that Ks ashes will remain at her elder brothers home for 49 days, when Buddhist teachings say that is
the time for the soul to separate itself from worldly attachments. They will then be interred in the family
cemetery, at which time we may also choose to cease our attentions to Ks kaimyo paper and to
refreshing the glass of water under it.

19

Later
Observances during the 49-day period
We went to Ms older brothers home at times during the 49 day period between Ks death and the
ceremony acknowledging his separation from the material world he knew.
The urn was placed at one end of the room with a photo of K above it, and flanked by flowers and other
ornaments. There were some food and other offerings beneath and beside the urn.

Guest room in K. S.s eldest sons home used to keep and honour the ashes (in the gold
covered urn in the centre under a photo of the departed) until interment

We would kneel at the low table before the urn containing his ashes and bones, light two incense sticks
each, strike the bell and say a prayer. Many others came during this time to pay similar respects.
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28 March 2010
49th Day Ceremony and Interment
On what was judged to be the appropriate day 49 (and it is not always exact), March 28 th, 2010, we
were part of a select group invited to attend this 49th day ceremony. Gifts/monetary contributions are
required from such attendees and I found out that, as very close family, our contribution would once
more be larger than most others.
After dressing in the required white shirt, black tie and suit, we went to Ms older brothers home, where
services were held in the same room we had done the previous ceremonies in. Everybody on entering
performed the incense, bell, prayer ceremony at a table at the front which contained the urn, Ks kaimyo
and large photograph of him.
We sat on cushions in rows, and the same Buddhist priest who had officiated at the funeral performed
the ceremony, mostly chanting from a book and periodically shaking what might have been a
tambourine or similar and sounding different gongs and bells. During this time a charcoal brazier was
passed among the participants to allow them to pick up some scented wood shavings/bits from one
side of it and drop them onto the other side where the burning charcoal would consume them, lifting
each offering up towards ones forehead before dropping it on the charcoal for burning. This had to be
done three times and then a prayer said, following which the charcoal brazier was passed to the next
person.
At the end of this service, everyone went to the nearby family cemetery, where there is a common crypt,
covered by a flat stone, in the centre for all future interments. Very close family members participate in
taking a bone from the urn and placing it in the crypt. Then all queue up for a turn in lighting and placing
incense sticks on a stone over the crypt and saying a prayer.

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Interment ceremony with family and close friends queuing at the crypt to pay their respects
during and following interment

This was followed by another formal meal with a speech by Ms eldest brother. The meal was beautifully
presented and served. This meal was also served to a photograph and kaimyo of the departed, on a
table in a prominent position against a wall.

22

A great-granddaughter examining the meal presented to the late K.S. , whose kaimyo and
photograph are behind it.

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After the 49th Day Ceremony


At the main family home, in this case the eldest sons, a photograph of the departed is placed on, or
hung above, the family altar.
At any time, family and friends are able to stop by the cemetery. They do so, especially during the
annual Obon festival and at the vernal and autumnal equinoxes, known as Higan, to leave flowers and
other offerings and to burn incense.

Daughter and friend of the departed putting flowers at the crypt at a date after the interment

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Family crypt with flowers and kaimyo on the wooden plaque. A tray for food and drink
offerings is on the right in the foreground next to a stone containing an incense burner.

In addition to this 49 day ceremony, there are also anniversary ceremonies which family members and
invited close friends usually perform on the 1 st, 3rd, 5th, 7th and 13th anniversaries of the death, and
sometimes for even further anniversaries.

As the crypt for the ashes and bones are a family, or group, one in this case, Ks spiritual name (kaimyo),
gender, date of death (in formal fashion, using the year of the current Emperors reign), first name and
age are added to the list on a stone near the crypt. Reading from right to left, his details are shown as
the furthest column on the left on the group stone.

25

K.S.s kaimyo name along with his key details are listed in the column on the left on a
common stone to denote family members who are in the same crypt or who do not have
marked memorial stones in this family cemetery.

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NOTES:
Encoffination Nokanshiki note
In the past, encoffination was often a matter-of-fact procedure performed by family members,
neighbors and doctors to prepare the body for the wake, funeral and cremation. It wasn't performed as
a formal ceremony or even considered a part of the proper funeral.
Two decades ago, a 40-year-old company called Sapporo Nokan Kyokai, based in the northern city of
Sapporo, started promoting encoffination as a formal ceremony, for an additional charge. The company
had long been performing the ceremony in Sapporo, but it had begun to receive inquiries from people
in other parts of Japan, where the ritual was less common. Some of these people had attended funerals
in the Sapporo area and liked the proper, personal attention given to the deceased.
Still, the ceremony, called nokanshiki, was often optional -- and not always performed. It attracted little
public attention until "Departures," directed by Yojiro Takita, won the award for best foreign language
film of 2008 at the Oscars.
In the movie, an unemployed cellist (his orchestra in Tokyo has disbanded) unwittingly takes a job as
an encoffiner performing the ceremonial rites to prepare a corpse for burial -- he'd responded to an ad
about a job dealing with "departures" and thought he was applying to a travel agency. Embarrassed,
he hides his new job from his friends and family, but over time, he learns to appreciate his role.
Since it won the Oscar, the film has become a phenomenon in Japan, and encoffination has suddenly
become a hot profession -- and a parting ceremony that's in style.
From: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125195956247382445.html#

Kaimyos illustration and note


Copy below of Ks Kaimyo, or sacred Buddhist name awarded him, based on his life and character as
recounted to the priest. M says it has the meaning of a My way kind of man. I translated it, using my
Kanji English dictionary with Ms help and literally the top four main kanji come across as something
like victory and reaching the peak after a long straight road and many mountains. The bottom two
main kanji are traditional ones used for Ks family, which Ms great-grandfather paid the Buddhist priests
to use. They mean roughly, exist/be as a samurai/man/scholar.

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The Kaimyo awarded the departed

Further note on kaimyos: For the average family the question of religious practice is of little
importance until one of its members departs this transient realm for the rewards of the next life: then,
as funerals in Japan are invariably conducted according to Buddhist rites, it becomes necessary to
engage a priest from the appropriate sect to read sutras before an altar set up in honor of the deceased,
and to prepare a suitable posthumous Buddhist name, which will be inscribed on his tomb in addition
to his secular name...The granting of a kaimyo posthumously is a corruption of an earlier practice dating
to the fourteenth century in which Buddhist names were given to adherents while still alive to serve as
a guiding principle in their lives. The tenacity of the custom is rooted in the manner in which the kaimyo
serve the interests of both priest and petitioner. For the temples, the granting of kaimyo represents a
major source of income. Strictly speaking, kaimyo are not sold, but during a period of delicate
negotiations both parties agree upon a contribution, the amount of which is rarely specified and varies
considerably with the prestige of the temple and rank of the particular kaimyo in question. For the
bereaved, too, the kaimyo is of no little importance, because family honor depends on the rank obtained
for the deceased. Families feel bound to maintain at least the rank of kaimyo used by their forebears,
and to improve upon it if possible. Discover Japan, Vol. 1, Kodansha, 1987, p.184]
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