Glorifying God in your Communication

As you mature, you will develop many different skills. These will range from simple things like grooming and feeding yourself to complicated things like computer programming, auto mechanics and team building. Unfortunately, most people grow up having never been taught some of the most important skills. Is there a class in school called, How to make money and manage it wisely? How about, How to Marry the Right Person? This list could get very long. The reason for this is that certain things should be taught in the home and if your parents never learned them, how can they teach you? This is where the church has dropped the ball. It is the churchs job to teach parents and you fundamental life skills. Each generation should be getting better and better at not only learning and doing these things, but teaching them as well. This is what were trying to do here. So, tonight we are going to begin a series of lessons that is designed to teach you some of the most important, practical skills that you are going to need in order to survive and succeed in life. We are going to begin with the issue of Communication. At the end of the day, success and failure; happiness and misery comes down to relationships. The ability to relate well with others enables you, or cripples you as a student, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, parent, employee, employer, and most importantly as a Christian. There are many people who are highly intelligent, highly skilled and yet they are unsuccessful because they cannot relate, or communicate well with others. Many people fall for these ideas that If I could just find the right person, get the right job, etc. What they fail to realize is that the getting the right person and the right job is just the beginning of a relationship; and relationships require work and skills. So, we are going to spend some time studying what the Bible has to say about being a good communicator. Eph. 4:22-24 reminds us of the Biblical Process of Change: Put off, Put on. It also teaches us much about Biblical Communication. Tonight we are going to start the THE FOUR RULES OF COMMUNICATION Rule 1: BE HONEST vs. 25 A. Speak - People cant read your mind. I Cor. 2:11 Non-verbals are only part of the story. - Clamming up is sin. Yes, timing is important, but clamming up is a refusal to deal with the problem; to speak the truth. That is cowardice and it is sin. B. Speak the Truth vs. 15 - Being Honest involves more than simply not lying. II Cor. 4:2 o Manipulating, or coloring the facts, or holding back certain facts is sin. o Often deceitfulness in not so much in what is said, but in what is not said. - People lie, or deceive because they are afraid of facing the truth. Be Honest in your Message C. Speak the Truth in Love vs. 15 - You can be brutal with the truth.

Give thought not only to what is said, but how it is said. (tone, body language, etc.) Vs. 29; Col. 4:6 Graciously build others up. Be Honest in your Motive

Effective, Biblical Communication begins with gracious, loving honesty.

Rule 2: KEEP CURRENT vs. 26, 27 Have you heard the saying, Dont go to bed angry.? That is based on these verses. Before we tackle the issue of Keeping Current, lets review what this verse teaches us about Anger. According to Eph. 4:26, is all anger sinful? Arent there some things we should be angry about? Anger is God-given Energy for Solving Problems. Anger becomes sinful when it: Is Selfishly Motivated Is aimed at something other than the problem Is allowed to linger I. There is a time to Shut Up. If youre mad because youre not getting your way, or what you think you deserve, you should think long and hard before you open your mouth. Phil. 2:3, Jas. 3:5,6 II. There is a time to Speak Up. - Blowing up is obviously sin. - Clamming up when you should be speaking up is also sin. God expects us to boldly speak up for what is right. Ezek. 3:18, Gal. 6:1 - How do you know if you should Shut Up, or Speak Up? If sin is hindering, or threatening your growth, their growth, or the growth of the group (team, church), then there is a strong probability that it is time for you to step up and address the sin. Before you do that, ask yourself these six questions. 1. Do I have the facts right (Prov. 18:13)? 2. Is the timing right (Prov. 15:23b)? 3. Is my attitude right (Eph. 4:15)? 4. Do I know what is right in (how to fix) this situation (Eph.4:29)? 5. Are my words loving, gracious, helpful (Eph. 4:15)? 6. Have I prayed for God's wisdom (Prov. 3:5b) These are the Biggies 1. 2. Do I have the Right Motive? Do I have the Right Answer?

III. Dont Allow Problems to Stick Around

(Eph. 4:27)? -

When we let the problems stick around, to whom are we giving a foothold With that foothold the Devil will: Convince the sinner that he/she can get away with it, or that its ok. Grow bitterness and resentment in everyone involved. Make it harder and harder to ever make things right.

Keeping Current in solving problems the right way is tough. It takes practice, vigilance, humility, courage, wisdom, skill and a host of other spiritual qualities. Believe me. Allowing lifes problems to pile up on you, your relationships and your church is far worse than anything youll face in making things right. Rule 3: ATTACK PROBLEMS NOT PEOPLE vs. 29,30

Were half-way through our series on biblical Communication. Where in scripture do we see these Four Rules? Ephesians 4:22-32 What is the first Rule? Be Honest: Speak, Speak the Truth, Speak the Truth in Love What is the second Rule? Keep Current: There is a time to Shut up and Speak up. Stay on top of things. We discussed the fact that Anger (God-given Energy) becomes sin if it is aimed at anything other than the problem. Consider this weapon. ( handgun) Have you ever heard the saying, Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me.? According to scripture is this statement true? I. Corrupt Communication A. Something is Corrupt when it is decayed and destructive. B. What does Jesus think about this? Matt 5:21-24 - Corrupt communication resulting from sinful anger is a serious offense. C. Why do you suppose Jesus is so serious about this? - God hates Pride. Even if youre right, remember who you are. Jas 4:6 - God loves people. Jesus was willing to die for that person. Rom 8:32 Its not too much to ask for you to patiently help them repent. - God is very serious about His work getting done. It wont happen in sin. D. Remembering that Communication involves much more than words, what are some ways that our communication can be Corrupt, or Destructive? Words, Body Language (Facial Expressions, Hand Movements) Volume, Tone, Timing E. What two qualities (purposes) should our communication always have? - It should always, eventually build the person up. - It should always be given with grace.

That means love, patience and kindness, especially when they dont deserve it. II. Biblically Attack the Problem A. What are some ways that we can lovingly and skillfully approach difficult problems? Make sure you have the right answer and the right motive. Matt 18; Gal 6:1 Learn to use humble, but laser-guided questions. Mark 11:29; Phil 2:3 Make sure they know that you value them and are trying to help them. If you take others, choose their friends and supporters, not yours. Be willing to inconvenience yourself to help them truly repent.

Your value as a person is based on Gods love for you. Your value to your family, church and community comes from the problems that you can solve. Develop the skills and discipline necessary to daily engage and solve the problems that you and those you are responsible for are going to face.

Rule 4: ACT DONT REACT. Eph. 4:31,32 Tonight we are going to finish the Four Rules of Communication. Remember that there will be a quiz. What are the first three Rules? Be Honest; Keep Current; Attack Problems Not People What is Anger? God-Given Energy for solving problems What does it mean to Keep Current and why is it important? Dont allow bitterness to fester. What are two questions you should ask before attacking a problem? Do I have the right answer? Do I have the right motive? To introduce this last rule of communication were going to go back to Genesis 3. A great deal of communication will involve responding to how others are communicating to us. Sometimes it is easy to respond biblically. Most of the time, it is difficult. That is because of sin. How did Adam and Eve respond to being confronted about their sin? Hide; Blameshift It is human nature to Fight, or Fly; to Hide, or Blameshift (point the finger) What does Proverbs 28:13 teach us? Dont hide. If it is really wrong, you want it gone and youll need help. What is the fate of one who refuses to be corrected? Pr 1:20-33 Destruction

You can always find fault with others. Wise people get their own act together first. What does Proverbs 25:28 teach us about communication? Those who can only react are defenseless against an enemy. What does it take in order to act instead of react? Study so you know the right thing to do. II Tim 2:5, Pr 15:28 Keep your mind/heart right, so that you are ready to actually do it. 4:23 The ability to communicate effectively and efficiently (biblically), graciously, wisely and skillfully will make you an exceptional and valuable tool in the hand of God. Biblical communication can be the difference between an A and a F; a godly spouse (healthy marriage)and whatever you can get; a fulfilling job and whatever you can get; kids that you can be proud of and kids that resent and shame you. It will take trial and error. It will take a lot of practice, but it is worth it. Failure to develop this skill will side-line you; bench you and ultimately handicap and destroy you and those around you. Training yourself to Communicate Biblically is worth the effort. Col 4:6, Pr

The Four Rules of Communication Review

1. 2. 3. Where in the Bible do we see the four rules? What is the First Rule of Communication? What are some ways that we can be dishonest with our communication?

4. 5. 6. 7.

What three ingredients of honest communication did we see in verse 15? What is the Second Rule of Communication? Is it always sin for Christians to get angry? Prove it with scripture. What is Anger?

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What are some ways that Anger can become sin?

9.

How do you decide whether to Speak Up, or Shut up?

10.

What are some questions you should ask before you Speak Up?

11. 12.

What happens when you fail to Keep Current with others? Finish this quote: All that is needed for evil to _________________ is that good men do __________________ .

13. 14.

What is the Third Rule of Communication? What does Corrupt mean?

15.

Give the three reasons that we discussed concerning why Jesus is so serious about corrupt communication.

16.

Name three ways that your communication can be destructive.

17.

From what two motives will biblical communication always come?

18. 19. 20.

What is the Fourth Rule of Communication? In what two ways did Adam and Eve respond when being confronted about their sin? What does Proverbs 28:13 teach us?

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What does Proverbs 25:28 teach us about communication?

22. 23.

What two things does it take in order to act instead of react? Write ten different circumstances, or relationships that will be protected and enhanced if you develop the disciplines of biblical Communication.