I'm Being Bullied. What Can I Do About It?

Leslie Allan | 5 days ago | Comments (3)

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Imagine you're attending your first meeting at your new job. The senior manager in the room begins by pointing out the failure of a particular department to reach a goal. He looks at the department chief, who appears ready to crawl under the table, and asks how he can face his family when he goes home at night. The insult is followed by a string of belittling expletives punctuated by table-pounding. During the course of this 45-minute tirade, no one else speaks, looks up or walks out. You realize that nobody is surprised by this senior manager's behavior. Not long ago, I wrote about a recent survey that showed bullying in the workplace is still alive and well. What would you do? What can you do? If running back to your old job is not an option, you have some decisions to make. Should you report the bully to human resources, confront him or do nothing? Your next steps will depend a lot on you, the organization and the situation. Some people do not like confrontation; just the thought makes them nervous. Others love a good fight. The organization itself also plays a role: Does it have any policies that address bullying? Or do executives merely look the other way? If there are policies, how are they put into practice? How are whistle-blowers treated? Bullying encompasses a lot of behaviors. It could, as in the example above, take the form of someone in authority verbally belittling an employee. It could be sexual harassment, physical attack or a combination of offensive behaviors. There are also bullies who target peers. Consider all these variables before deciding what to do. Also, examine your own support system. Do you have someone to lean on if the going gets rough? If so, here are some options to consider: Review the facts and your response. Try to peel away your emotions and assess the situation objectively. After you do that, does the behavior still fit the definition of bullying? Research how bullying is defined and handled in your organization. Does the employee handbook make any mention of it? If so, what does it say? How are bullies supposed to be dealt with? Are any protections mentioned for people reporting bullies? Identify someone to talk to about the situation. Make sure you can trust this person's opinion so you can use him or her as a sounding board. You do not want someone who will agree with everything you say. Confront the bully and explain why his or her behavior is unacceptable. If you have no reason to feel threatened, do this in private. If there's any chance of violence, ask someone to join you to witness anything that may happen. Talk to your human resources department. Supply detailed information, including what the bully did and said, and who else witnessed the behavior. After you report the incident, continue to follow up with your HR representative until the matter is closed. You do not want this incident to slip through the cracks. Consult your personal attorney to explore your options. I didn't list these options in any particular order. If the situation is dire enough, for instance, you might consult with your attorney first - even before approaching human resources. Also, not every option will always apply. Every bullying situation is different and may merit different responses. These options, however, are a starting point for you, a friend or a colleague if confronted with a workplace bully. Please share your experiences here. Your story could very well help another reader who is dealing with a workplace bully.

Leslie Allan Managing Director Business Performance Pty Ltd www.businessperform.com Popular White Paper On This Topic

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3 Comments
JB King | 4 days ago

I'd tempted to collect some more information before doing anything major. I'd want to get a bit more background on the situation as I could imagine more than a few situations where it would almost be career suicide to go after the senior manager. For example, if the executives are all loyal to each other and the senior manager is "just one of the good ol' boys" then he may well be protected. I witnessed this at a former workplace that was really quite something to see. The CEO of the company entered our office yelling loud enough that everybody probably heard and anyone close may have had temporary hearing loss. He rambled about some data being lost, data that was gold to him and now he wanted it back! There was a good 5 minutes of yelling, huffing and puffing that was really quite a sight. While he did eventually apologize to the two developers he was yelling, boy did that ever leave an impression of who not to piss off in that company. The other experience I'd want to share is a bit more questionable but may help someone out there so I'll share. I had been off of work for a couple of months and had a "Return to Work" meeting where my manager, a couple of HR people, a psychologist and myself. The psychologist had interviewed me a couple of times to assess me and if I was ready to go back to work. What I didn't know going into the meeting is that they had a plan all worked out and I was going to rubber stamp it. Any kind of suggestion or change I offered was rejected, denied, shot down, or killed. In a way it was more than mildly frustrating though the kicker to this was a comment of how they wanted me to be like I was 2 years ago which would have been my first year at this company. While this was intended as a compliment of showing that I had done this in the past which I did confirm later, in my current condition I took it as a wildly unrealistic expectation. I'd had new diagnoses of medical conditions for me to handle now that made me think, "What if I can't be like I was 2 years ago? What if I'm different for the rest of my life?" I wasn't about to bring this up in this meeting as I was already feeling some rage and anxiety that wasn't a pleasant mix. In the end I just accepted their plan and went back to work feeling a little smaller and less confident as what I wanted or suggested seemed to be lower than worthless. Not a great place to be. As a little footnote to this story, at the end of my first week back where I was working from home half-days as they had told me, I had a phone conversation with my manager and team lead. I asked for feedback about how I was doing and my team lead said, "Well, you aren't here," which was enough to cause me to black out the rest of what he said as part of my head went, "WHAT? You are going to tell me that?!?!" I was so upset at that point, I think I went into another round of crying and giving me a depressive episode. Was that last part bullying or just someone being insensitive? I don't know but the fact that 11 months later I can still remember with amazing clarity likely means I still have some unresolved issues that are why I'm hanging on to that moment. JB
Leslie Allan | 2 days ago

Hi JB. You are dead right. Anyone being bullied needs to consider their response in view of the

current political alliances working in the organization. This is NOT to say that you should put up with the bullying so that you can keep your job. It is to say that you need to get someone to help you think about all of your options before acting. I have been in situations were I had the option to take legal means to redress an injustice. In a couple of cases, I figured the gain was not worth the pain and expense and simply left the organization. JB, your other personal example does raise the question about what is bullying. There are cases that are arguably just the rough and tumble of hard negotiation or a once off blowing off some steam. In these cases, it is especially important to get an outsider's view (and possibly a legal practitioners view). Leslie Allan Author: Managing Change in the Workplace
AR_HRCO | 4 minutes ago

I do agree that you really need to know someone who could give you some sort of support. However, even in those cases, employees may just decide to leave the organization to avoid further bullying, and nothing changes. I have witnessed cases of extreme, repetitive, and "teamed up"' scapegoating from executives that caused the loss of a good employee because HR would not take the time to elaborate on the situation. Bullying coming from people in power is more difficult to handle than peer bullying. The danger is when HR does not see that it is a form of bullying because the complaints come (to HR) in a different form, formally or informally, or because there is no yelling and screaming. Bullying is not always highly "visible" attacks, and one - especially HR- need to be aware of its impact on employees and on the organization overall. Despite set procedures employees will feel helpless if they witness cases that are not addressed properly and that lead to the loss of a co-worker. At that point, and in this state of economy, the fear of loosing their jobs will prevail over anything else. .