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Cause and effect is a myth What I am about to share with you is potentially controversial and provocative depending upon

your own worldview. The distinction is so important that if a client will not accept this I will simply refuse to work with them. There are many prevailing worldviews that are quite simply dangerous to accept as a truth. One of those worldviews is the notion of cause and effect when it comes to peoples lives and how they choose to live them. Given the potential for what I imagine could amount to anger on behalf of the readers response I will attempt to soften it, a little Value judgements and the danger of sloppy language I will return and focus completely on the danger of sloppy language but for now I would just like you to be aware that sloppy use of language can have catastrophic effects on a persons internal world. One of the ways we do this comes in the form of value judgements. A value judgement is when a person places a value on something. Something along the lines of good or bad, right or wrong. You can carve huge chunks of experience up into the words good or bad. Once you do this with experience this is how you will respond to it. If you have had a bad relationship all of your responses to your memories will be perceived in terms of bad. I bet it wasnt all bad though was it? Have you ever made mistakes in your life and feel nothing but guilt due to the judgement you have placed upon yourself for behaving that way? When it comes to personal development and emotional maturity placing value judgements is not a useful frame to work from. There is no such thing as good or bad when you start actualising your potential as a human being. If, deep down you are a truly well intentioned human being you can allow yourself to learn from all of your experiences no matter how much you may wince when you think about some of your behaviours. You can only do this when you stop judging yourself and look to what can be learned from the situations you have been actively involved in. The cause and effect myth If your wondering where this is going then hold in mind what has just been stated and read on. Consider the next couple of sentences: My Pc makes me so angry Other drivers on the road make my blood boil I have low self esteem because I was in an abusive relationship When you begin to pay attention to peoples language you will very quickly pick up on where they place themselves in relation to cause and effect. There is obviously something appealing in the notion of cause and effect when it comes to the human race because it is the main focus of the dominant epistemology we have for behaviour Psychology. A typical Psychology experiment will isolate variables so that one cause can be investigated to measure the effect. This is absolutely fine for some things, not really useful at all when it comes behaviour in the real world. One reason is that the mass of variables that open up when a person interacts with the world. The other reason is that you simply will not find a single cause for a persons behaviour. If you look at

human behaviour as a system of interactions the only useful notion for expanding choice is to look at how that system interacts with itself and also how it interacts with other systems around it. Im sure there are many people who could fill many volumes explaining all the reasons for why there are the way they are but do they keep on doing the same thing or does it open up choice for the individual? For some reason people readily adopt reasons for why they are the way they are. Stories. Fairy tale myths. They make a grave epistemological error that their experiences cause them to be that way with the effect of being who they currently perceive themselves to be. People unquestionably hand themselves over to external causes which implies that they have no choice in the matter. Its a very dangerous and very limited way of perceiving a persons life. Its the world of excuses, its the world of blame, its the world of depression its a whole, world, of shit. Ill use the three sentences previously stated to highlight the point youre probably still wondering Im making: My Pc makes me so angry Where is the cause and where is the effect? A computer with no biological drives, no intent, no conscious awareness, no feelings manages to make someone angry. The person speaking this statement is placing himself at effect of a computer. Take a moment to think about whether there is any choice in the response of anger. There is actually a choice in there but I will come back to that. The person that made this statement is unquestionably handing over responsibility of their emotional state to a computer. The computer makes him angry. He perceives no choice over his response of anger because the computer makes him do it. If he gets angry its nothing to do with him its the computer. I hope you can begin to see why the notion of cause and effect is dangerous. The person is choosing to be angry and blaming the computer. If you are handing over responsibility for your own emotional responses to external factors you are depriving yourself of choices. If you accept responsibility for your own emotional responses you have an opportunity to expand your flexibility for more of the things you do want and less of the things you do not want. Other drivers on the road make my blood boil Where is the cause and where is the effect? If you hand over responsibility for your own road rage to other drivers then you allow yourself to constantly experience a range of unpleasant emotions such as rage. You could also be putting yourself in danger. Once she puts herself in the driving seat of her own responses then she can begin to look at what other choices she has other than anger and shaking her fist. I have low self esteem because I was in an abusive relationship Where is the cause and where is the effect? Hopefully you should be getting the hang of this and its statements such as this that become a very dangerous way of thinking. This person is handing over her whole sense

of self to somebody else. When a person begins to think like this they are essentially removing any choices they have about how to live their life. John Grinder tells a fantastic metaphor about balls and cats. You can predict with absolute precision the behaviour of a ball when you kick it. You can use physics to precisely map out the relationship of kicking the ball (cause) and the subsequent behaviour of the ball after being kicked (effect). You will always be able to predict the behaviour of the ball after kicking it. If you keep the kicking constant of course. What about a cat though? Im not suggesting you do it but what would happen if you kicked a cat? No scientist on the planet will be able to map out any sort of predictive relationship of the cats behaviour no matter how many times you kicked it. Thats because the cat has choices, it can move out of the way, fight back, be kicked and never come near you again the list goes on. The cat will be the one at cause of how it responds. Once people place themselves at cause then and only then do you have choice. This is the reason why I simply will not be prepared to work with someone until they place themselves at cause. Whatever that man does to lower his self-esteem is the choice that he has made. Not the best choice, probably the best one he has at that point in time but it is still a choice. Once you have choice you begin to move into areas you desire. Anyone that stays in an abusive or essentially destructive relationship has made the choice to do so. There will be many well meaning Samaritans proclaiming it is the women that has done that to him but personally I have more faith in people than to believe they have no choice over the situations that people place themselves in. Too many people readily accept the notion that people are fragile and if you buy into that notion your fucked. Its a poor me culture that festers and keeps people stuck in situations they do not need to be stuck in. So the next time someone makes you feel a certain way have a look at what youre are doing to allow yourself to feel that way. Dont take my word for it Set yourself a little task. Listen out for peoples language when they are putting themselves at effect. You can listen for statements similar to the ones I have presented. They will be along the lines of something or someone making them behave or feel a certain way. Either that or you can listen out for the word because. Because implies a cause. E.g I do this because x, I am like this because of x

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