Twisted love

By: Cheok Keegan

Having relationships are an important part of life. During adolescence, a teenager will be just starting to emerge into a world where males and females actually enjoy being in the presence of each other. Through my observation, children of a younger age often do not socialize with the opposite sex as much as teenagers and often segregate themselves in to two different gender groups. When a child becomes a teenager, they suddenly come into a world where things are very much different. Puberty causes them to become attracted to the opposite sex and the gender segregation stops. This is very much like what the adult world is like except that teenagers lack one thing that adults have, maturity. When a child becomes a teenager, they maintain the childish and nave behavior and thinking for at least a few years. In the past century, people often only start dating when they get into their twenties, but now the age has been lowered. Teenagers nowadays start having relationships sometimes the moment they become a teenager. This can lead to emotional problems as well as an inability to cope with the various emotions during a relationship. A comparison of Intimate Partner Violence rates between teens and adults reveals that teens are at higher risk of intimate partner abuse.[1] The statistics speak for themselves. Nearly one-half of adult sex offenders report committing their first sexual offenses prior to the age of 18.[2] This is also not helped by the fact that only approximately 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.[3] This means that although we know that there are many people out there in an abusive relationship, they are refusing to let go of the love that does not truly exist. Being a homosexual does not mean you are safe from abuse either. In a study of gay, lesbian, and bisexual adolescents, youths involved in same-sex dating are just as likely to experience dating violence as youths involved in opposite sex dating.[4] Just about any type of intimate relationship can be prone to becoming abusive. I could go on and on about various studies and surveys conducted by many organizations all around the world but the fact is that. There are many victims and most of them refuse to be rescued. Why do abuse victims often refuse to leave their abusers? Sometimes they are just too blinded by infatuation and do not realize that that their rights have been violated. Other times, the victims place the blame for their partners abusive behavior on themselves. They think that they did something wrong or they did not satisfy their partners enough. Another reason could be because their abusers threaten to cause them harm if they leave.

Another fact is that most victims of abuse continue to get abused because they do not know how to seek help. There are many people to turn to for help. Clamming up about the situation wont do much good. School counselors are a good place to start. They will listen to your problems and decide a course of action. Talking to parent may be shameful and embarrassing to victims but they are the best ones to turn to. A police report should also be made no matter how much the victim seems to care about the abuser or whatever the reason for the abuse. So why are abuse and love often equated? The answer is simply because love hurts. Physical abuse is only a degree of the hurt love causes, but is often the first thing that springs to mind when people talk about abuse. What about emotional and mental abuse? Sometimes, hurting someone emotionally can be more painful than hurting someone physically. Keep that in mind the next time you start and argument with your partner.

References: [1] Jay G. Silverman et Al, Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated
Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality. Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, 572, 576-577

[2] Ron Snipe, et Al, Recidivism in Young Adulthood, Adolescent Sexual Offenders Grown
Up, 25 Criminal Justice & Behavior, 109, 117,

[3] Jay G. Silverman, PhD; Anita Raj, PhD; Lorelei A. Mucci, MPH; and Jeanne E.
Hathaway, MD, MPH, Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality, Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286

[4] Prevalence of Partner Violence in Same-Sex Romantic and Sexual Relationships in a

National Sample of Adolescents, Halpern CT, Young ML, Waller MW, Martin SL, Kupper LL. Journal of Adolescent Health, Vol. 35, Issue 2, Pages 124-131

Statistics compiled by,

NATIONAL TEEN DATING VIOLENCE PREVENTION INITIATIVE