Parenting styles By Amanda Marais Educational Psychologist amanda@sa-sky.co.

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It has been shown that parents have a tendency to interact consistently with all their children over time (Eisenberg, Hofer, Spinrad, Gershoff, Valiente, Losoya, Zhou, Cumberland, Liew, Reiser and Maxon (2008:1-160). The observed stability in parenting has led to the identification of different parenting styles used by parents.

Three parenting styles were originally identified by Diana Baumrind (1971:1103): the authoritative (democratic) style, the authoritarian style and the permissive style. A fourth type, the uninvolved or neglecting style, has been identified by other researchers (Lee, Daniels and Kissinger 2006:253-259). A closer examination of parenting revealed two dimensions of parenting behaviours, demandingness and responsiveness (Diana Baumrind 1971:1103).

The extent to which parents demand that their child complies with certain standards is referred to as the level of demandingness in the relationship. The second dimension is responsiveness. Some parents are accepting of and responsive to their children. Parents who are very responsive, demand very little and rarely try to influence their childs behaviour (Berk 2000:563). 2.3 Parenting styles can be classified according to the extent that the style is demanding or responsive. The following diagram, based on Berks (2000:563) illustration, shows the four different parenting styles as they differ on these dimensions.

RESPONSIVE

DEMANDING

Democratic /Authoritative

Permissive

Authoritarian

Uninvolved

UNRESPONSIVE

It is generally accepted that the democratic style is the preferred style for raising children because it leads to favourable outcomes, not only for adolescents development, but also for the parent-adolescent relationship (Berk 2009:569; Garg, Levin, Urajnik and Kauppi 2005:653-661; Steinberg 2001:1-19). The democratic parent is demanding, but warm and responsive to his child (Baumrind 1971:1-103). According to Baumrind (1971:1-103), democratic parents direct the childs activities and explain the reasons for their actions.

Adolescents from democratic families are self-reliant, self-controlled, explorative and content (Baumrind 1971:1-103) and are unlikely to show externalising behaviours, or psychopathology such as anxiety disorders, depression and identity disorders (Castrucci & Gerlach 2006:217-224; Herman, Dornbusch, Herron and Herting 1997:34-67; Dwairy and Menshar 2006:103-117). In addition, the democratic approach decreases the likelihood that adolescents will experience negative social experiences, such as witnessing crime or experiencing peer provocation, for example teasing (Mazefsky and Farrell 2005:71-85). Protection from exposure to aggression in turn leads to lower levels of aggression in adolescents (Mazefsky and Farrell 2005:71-85).

UNDEMANDING

The benefits of the democratic approach for the parent-child relationship, are evident in adolescents reports of positive parent involvement, for example higher levels of parent concern, family discussion and family cohesiveness, compared to adolescent reports of other parenting styles (Garg, Levin, Urajnik and Kauppi 2005:653-661). Further, the democratic approach is associated with adolescents responsiveness to advice from their parents about decisions (Fallon & Bowles 1998:599-608; Mackey, Arnold and Pratt 2001:243-268).

Many researchers have put forward reasons for the substantial and farreaching benefits of the democratic approach. Some authors suggest that control that appears fair and reasonable to the child, not arbitrary, is far more likely to be complied with and internalised (Berk 2009:572). In addition, nurturant parents who are secure in the standards they hold for their children provide models of caring concern as well as confident, self-controlled behaviour (Berk 2009:572). Furthermore, observation of self-confident, rational parental role models, as well as parental expectations that are consistent with childrens abilities, may be reasons why democratic parenting is associated with adolescent emotional self-regulation, high self-esteem, intrinsic motivation, a sense of self-efficacy, independent problem solving, and high levels of cognitive and social development (Aunola, Stattin and Nurmi 2000:205-222; Berk 2000:563-564; Berk 2009:573).

Parents who use an authoritarian parenting style are also demanding, but they try to shape, control and judge the behaviour and attitudes of the child in accordance with a set standard of conduct (Baumrind 1971:1-103). They value obedience as a virtue and use punishment when the childs actions or beliefs conflict with what they think is correct conduct (Berk 2000:564).

Authoritarian parents, that is parents who are detached and controlling, and less warm than other parents, have children who are more discontent, withdrawn, and distrustful than children from democratic families (Baumrind 1971:1-103). Authoritarian parenting is associated with a poor self-concept, external locus of control, low levels of self-efficacy and passive behaviour in adolescents (Aunola, Stattin and Nurmi (2000:205-222; Ingoldsby,

Schvaneveldt, Supple & Bush 2003:139-159; Lee, Daniels and Kissinger 2006:253-259). Adolescents who are passive, have an external locus of control and low levels of self-efficacy, may allow others, for example peers, to influence them (Bester & Fourie 2006:157-169; Isaksen & Roper 2008:10631087). In turn, peer influence can lead adolescents to place pressure on parents to sanction decisions and behaviour that are inconsistent with parental goals.

The authoritarian parenting style is associated with aggression in adolescents (Eldeleklioglu 2007:975-986) and abusive behaviour against parents (Cottrell & Monk 2004:1072-1095). The adolescent need for autonomy causes a reaction from parents aimed at maintaining the same level of rigid control they exercised when the child was younger. As this struggle intensifies, these adolescents use abusive behaviour in an effort to obtain a sense of power in their lives (Cottrell & Monk 2004:1072-1095).

The authoritarian parenting style is associated with psychopathology in both the parent and the child. Anxious parents are likely to use the authoritarian parenting style (Lindhout, Markus, Hoogendijk, Borst, Maingay, Spinhoven, van Dyck & Boer 2006:89-102). They have a less nurturing and more restrictive rearing style, than parents who have lower levels of anxiety. Mental health problems in parents often result in adolescents assuming a caretaker role. Taking on the responsibility for parents wellbeing can lead to resentment towards parents and increased conflict with them over a need for autonomy (Cottrell & Monk 2004:1072-1095; Laurent & Derry 1999:21-26). Parents of children with attention control disorders use the authoritarian style, probably because they are more likely to be directive, and to demand more compliance, in order to encourage socially acceptable behaviour in their highly active, impulsive children (Finzi-Dottan, Manor & Tyano 2006:103-114).

The uninvolved parenting style combines undemanding with unresponsive, rejecting behaviour (Baumrind 1971:1-103). Uninvolved parents show little commitment to caregiving, beyond the minimum effort required to feed and clothe the child. Often they are emotionally detached and depressed, and so overwhelmed by the many stresses in their lives that they have little time and

energy to spare for children. As a result, they may respond to the childs demands for easily accessible items, but do not establish rules and routines aimed at long-term goals for the childs development (Berk 2009:571). At its extreme, uninvolved parenting is a form of child maltreatment called neglect (Berk 2009:571).

The uninvolved parenting style can disrupt virtually all aspects of development, including attachment and cognition, as well as emotional and social development (Berk 2009:571; Steinberg, Blatt-Eisengart & Cauffman 2006:47-58). Adolescents whose parents rarely interact with them and do not monitor their whereabouts show poor emotional self-regulation (Berk 2009:571), are prone to develop anxiety disorders (Hale, Engels & Meeus 2006:407-417), and are often involved in drug use and delinquency (Berk 2009:571). Parents who reject their children may become targets of violence by them (Wells 1987:125-133). The hatred which is accumulated during childhood is then later expressed through either threats or reprisals (Laurent & Derry 1999:21-26).

Parents who use a permissive parenting style, are responsive, nurturant and accepting, but avoid making demands or imposing controls of any kind (Baumrind 1971:1-103). Permissive parents allow children to make many of their own decisions at an age when they are not yet capable of doing so. They can eat meals and go to bed when they feel like it and watch as much television as they want. They do not have to learn good manners or do any household chores. Although some permissive parents truly believe that this approach is best, many others lack confidence in their ability to influence their childs behaviour, and are disorganised and ineffective in running their households (Berk 2000:564).

Parents who are noncontrolling, nondemanding and relatively warm, have children who are overly dependent, more anxious, less inclined to explore, and less self-controlled than children from democratic or authoritarian families (Baumrind 1971:1-103; Steinberg, Blatt-Eisengart & Cauffman 2006:47-58). Furthermore, a permissive parenting style is associated with abusive behaviour

from adolescents towards their parents because it often leads to a parent-child power reversal (Cottrell & Monk 2004:1072-1095, Laurent & Derry 1999:2126). Adolescents who have too much freedom and choice, learn to disregard their parents viewpoints and take total control of their own lives.

Eldeleklioglu (2007:975-986) describes a parenting style called an overprotective parenting style. The researcher is of the opinion that the overprotective attitude of parents is similar to the authoritarian parenting style, in that the parent restricts the adolescents behaviours and shows his love conditionally. Therefore, like the authoritarian family environment, the protective family environment is controlling and restrictive. An overprotective parenting style predicts aggression in adolescents (Eldeleklioglu 2007:975986). Overprotective parents fulfil their childrens smallest desires and carry out any actions that require effort from their children and every behaviour which could evoke frustration is avoided (Laurent & Derry 1999:21-26). Such parenting can lead to an escalation of the childs demands on parents and the child can develop tyrannical behaviours. In this context, the violence that these children perpetrate can also be considered a search for autonomy (Cottrell & Monk 2004:1072-1095; Laurent & Derry 1999:21-26).

Aggressive adolescents perceive that the rewards of their negative behaviours outweigh the consequences (Baron & Byrne 1994:439). Over time, a pattern forms in which adolescents learn that their intimidating tactics can be used as a successful means of coercing parents into compliance. In other words, parents may be permissive in order to avoid conflict with their adolescent children.

Another parenting style may be identified which is similar to the permissive style in that it is characterised by high levels of responsiveness, and low levels of demandingness. However, the parenting style is not determined by the parents, but rather develops because adolescent children pressurise their parents to behave in certain ways. Baumrind (1971:1-103) alludes to this type of interaction when she describes some permissive parents as those who are unable to enforce their directives, and who avoid open confrontation with their

children. In addition, Berk (2000:564) has noted that some permissive parents lack confidence in their ability to influence their childs behaviour. Further, it has been observed by many high school teachers, that some parents are aware that their adolescent is involved in delinquent acts, such as smoking or drinking alcohol, but are afraid to confront their child. Therefore, it may be that some permissive parents experience fear of their adolescent children, and are afraid to set limits on their behaviour. An additional parenting style may therefore be identified, one that is determined by the adolescent. In this parenting style the adolescent pressurises his parents in such a way that they avoid open confrontation. Parents are unable to enforce their directives, lack confidence in their ability to influence their childs behaviour, and may be afraid of their adolescent children (Eldeleklioglu 2007:975-986). Such a parenting style may be identified as a forced permissive parenting style.