10

ByTes & BoBs iii

omg, i am a lady oF The eVening. roFl?

by straypuppy
I decided to become a life actress on the Internet about a month ago. I have had some online dating profiles since 2004 or 2005, but its only over the last year that I really began using them, as I was one mans floozy for my entire twenties. Listing I was interested in casual sex on my profile turned out to be similar to hanging out a global shingle proclaiming my whoredom; I immediately began getting a great many brusque come-ons. earlier this year, an entire mobile phone conference tried to order me from the Interclogs. One chat went: You look like a great fuck. Thats very forward, isnt it? &$%# @ $%&*! Have you ever heard of the word overfamiliarity? I queried some of these individuals as to why they didnt call up an escort agency or simply visit their nearest watering hole. It seemed a kind and sensible suggestion. And I tried to engage in conversation, oft to no avail. Many of them just werent listening at all, like a lovely gentleman who goes by the username **omatose* and was quite insistent. Unfortunately for him, his IQ was insufficient to coerce me. He kept telling me that he was going to give me the best orgasm Id ever had, and I had no idea how to politely convey that I could already tell his capacity for turning me on was similar to that of a loaf of bread; our interaction was making my girl bits more juiceless by the keystroke. I kept accepting his chats, though, and he kept tryingevery time he was here on business, in fact. No matter how many times I told him I wasnt coming to his hotel room, he persisted in thinking I was being coy. The last time we spoke he requested I fly myself to Madrid to entertain him. His attitude seemed to be that any woman up for a romp in the hay with a special someone just needed the right bit of pushy prodding to acquiesce. He is not alone in this misassumption. Are we all free to be whoever we want, to do and say what we please on the Internet? This must be part of its great yawning beauty; the interconnected noosphere is our playground. This is when I created my fake escort profile. I used a profile I have had for five years but had kept blank to peruse anyone sketchy, since you can see who clicks you on this site, but if you disable it others are invisible too. I thought: you now feel free to chat me right up, looking for a good time with nary an hola. I have a game Id like to play too! Oh great World Wide Wishing Well (WWWW)! Bring me the paper, cheap flights and gleaming young French twins to sodomize at my whim! Like Ol Dirty Bastard, you want pussy and everything else for as free as possible. Well, theres nothing wrong with wishing on a star. Heres my try: I want to make my love life my well-paid part-time job. I want to buy my building and a piece of land on the coast. I want to move my parents to Spain to retire them in style. I want to travel again. I am a simple girl, and I can be your very own My Little Puta. Along with the plethora of online catcalls from my 3,000 new Internet suitors, Ive received a lot of messages asking who I am. They ask to see my real profile, know my name to Google me or see my face, and they often ask for this immediately. It feels strange, since I have always put a lot of myself online without a second thought, and my profile is, as it were, honest and actually me. The most striking difference between my two profiles is the photos; the writing is the same, and I am the same, albeit much more lewd. In my now defunct original profile I had put up all of the pictures I was allowed to, and each of them showed my face. In this profile I only show my ass. But this is the first time I have concealed my identity in this way, which I have come to realize many do, because they can or need to or are more careful than I have historically been. How many of you boys have your separate profiles? How many of you keep them blank because you are only here to peruse the goods, or for the same reason I myself did? Most of you are just being yourselves, and I like and prefer that, but I think I will carry on in my thorough reappraisal of what I share with the Web and how easy I am to find. The Internet is the most public place to ever exist in the history of the world. eyes are everywhere, and who knows how long a shelf-life anything you do or say there will have. Its been a gas engaging in a little intercourse with all of you. These days even Pornhub has become a social networking site, and you proposition me in ways you would never dream of if, say, we worked together or met at a concert. Im sorry if Ive come off cracked in some of our exchanges, but at times I truly have felt bewildered or dazed. Oh, the things you say! You tell me all the things you want to do to, on, or with me, and sometimes it makes my jaw drop. You want to tie me up, ride me, suckle me, tickle me. You want me to dress you in frilly knickers, poke you, pee and sit on you. You want threesomes and moresomes and thank me repeatedly for giving you a fat one at your desk. You want to know what you get for your money when you take me seriously. But also: many of you tell me that you might lavish me with attentions and goodies, but would never outright pay for sex. I wonder if that is congenital dishonesty. You dont express the same objection to hustling me. I dont need a pimp, baby, but feel free to give me some good press. And, of course, a few of you are angry or perturbed at me, want to let me know you disapprove, or have a need to textually take something out on a stranger from across an ocean or continent. One of you proposed marriage in your first message. So much has been said. All I can really say is thanks, because frankly its nice to have so much attention and I truly am a lovely, horny girl. Speaking of good times When Im not dizzied by my new, semipublic, mostly anonymous role on the Infobahn, Im laughing uncontrollably or masturbating myself silly. This feels like a kind of fame, and I think Im drunk on it. Im not sure if or when I will be meeting anyone from it in meatspace, but I have a feeling I will. Until then, un beso!

www.okcupid.com/profile/straypuppy

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