Dedicated to Dashan Coram Forever

The Teen Choice Awards Recycle them bottles cans I so want to go Electricity Gives me the power I need To watch some TV I pay rent on time I not in organized crime Where's my Nobel Prize Frisbee of remorse Thrown so hard torn asunder You no boomerang When you have convo With inanimate objects Maybe you gonzo Like Brangelina Adopt kid in Africa You know like why not Last haiku whack yo Yo but like whatever yo So is yo face yo

Record is over Silence enters premises DJ give it flip Larry Cable Guy Git er done Lord I sorry That's funny right there Dentists don't dangle They maim and mangle and sing Star Spangled Banner One two three four five Six seven eight nine the end Nine biggest number If you win lotto Remember your old buddy Time we got blotto Wish I had a beer But I ain't got no beer here Nothing to cry in

I massively bored How come life not exiting I demand refund Stick feather in hat And call it macaroni Get locked up for life Drunken Karaoke Don't matter if you sing well Just make ass of self Write a new haiku Wonder if it be goo-od And am guessing no Pop goes the weasel Weasel in a microwave Not funny but true Remote of remorse The only show on is M.A.S.H. Wish remote better

Stereotyping Is fun when you have a gun Always fun with gun Antifolk music G, C, F, A, and D chords Real original With revenge haiku Show the whole world what you do That the joke on you Need to change music Instead writing a haiku What a dilemma Instead of dinner I am just eating a snack Hunger lingers on Omelet of remorse Cooked it with tears and failure Made sad face with cheese Make joke about egg Egg impervious to joke Look like yokes on me

Not sure what to write So I play some solitaire I like solitaire Hey famous people Use your fame for good purpose Like give me money This haiku for you Because I made it to share Rub on underwear Stepped in some honey Was sticky situation All over my butt You know they call it When you have to like poop pants They call it your mom I drinking on beer And listen to midi file I full of surprise It must have been hard Play football against Jesus He good quarterback

I drinking a beer Because time is beer thirty Time tattooed on wrist Take guitar lessons So you can play the guitar Then shoot self in face Good thing the Clapper Not about gonorrhea That be gross advert Composition book Oh how you have the right look Like the sixties man Best song in the world Is Bittersweet Symphony Just because that why s I just yawn real big I guess that I am sleepy Will sleep when am dead

What the deal with stuff I mean what the deal with it Seriously folks I wondering if That shapes can also be words Like if shapes letters The day Jesus cry We will all want to know why Jesus step on slug Projecting movie Is it thing that you can watch Or psycho-drama Wrinkles get deeper Wrinkles in fabric of time Or just on my face There still restaurant That you have to wear a tie How bout underwear A new age Christmas Santa wear Cosby sweater Consult crystal list

What is the deal with The deal with the deal with stuff We will never know Need to write some more But writing just a big bore To read must suck more Want to be page three So I can quit write this shit At five point six inch Onto the next joke Except if joke not funny Then it not a joke When you wish on star Your wish travel pretty far Wish take the Greyhound

The thing about grout Is that it make you want shout Say hey I like grout

Must continue on Or else it will not be done Need 80 mix tape s Seriously folks 10 point font just too dang small Triple space that crap

Canada is place That disgrace the human race Fuck you Canada It rain cats and dogs They came from cumulus clouds And from Mr. Stork Try chilli cheese fries With little bit of bacon Rub it on your face Cool thing about love Is that you never grow up Just get fat and die

Throwing a Frisbee Is a million times funner When someone throws back Rain on sunny day But isn that ironic t Right Dave Coulier You know it a stretch s When you Wikipedia Information hurt A Jesus haiku Because he died for your sins And he wanted to Action packed movie Crammed with lots of epic scenes Employee of Month What the deal midgets It like they don know they short s t re Tell them to grow up I feel bad for you When you have do what you do Paris Hilton joke

Riding bicycle Over the edge of reason Or just through a park I think that people Who say my haiku no good No you are the suck

All she wants baby Then she is gone tomorrow That life baby thief Make a stupid face And then blame it on your race Why not it is free When rubber cement Meets a drunk guy and his balls Nothing good can come The people on phone What are they talking about I think they are dumb

A better person Someone who watches Netflix Though I don know why t Keep on typing Jeb Not sure but your name is Jeb When you keep typing Off to Google word Get to the bottom of this Or surf some goat porn People need shut up Because like Jesus said so Wrote it on his blog Jesus good blogger But don get in a flame war t He know how rain fire If the bells of time Sound like my computer chime s My computer good Pet a kitty cat Because they need to be pet Pet your pet today

How to start sentence That not the same as always Postmodernism

I live in time warp I think that burrito cool But taco the rage Sipping on a beer Isn hardly as gay as t Sipping on a cock Just one more haiku Or maybe I will write more Feeling pretty bored When meeting the Pope Remember don drop your soap t Pope big soap stealer Taping your mouth shut Can be good experience One for resume

Cat taking cat nap Better than taking cat crap That is what they dream When it time to dance You will know you have the chance With ants in your pants It heart attack time s Because I like to eat meat Paris Hilton joke Some jokes can be told t Monica Lewinsky jokes Short on syllables The funniest joke Is when you get punched in balls Recorded on tape Keep on typing man Don let the man stop your plan t Unless you man man Staring at ceiling Know this poem will be the best I give crap big time

On road trip to hell I so ready to go there That sound like fun time Watching some cartoons I sit idly biding time Goofy distraction Headache medicine Is good when you have headache Or you are just bored I bore easily Maybe I need to read book Or eat some pretzels I own the Clapper Glad it not called the Crapper That one been taken s Keep writing then man And also keep reading bro Man and bro good team The thing about love Love has strange way about it And then you get rash

An amazing thing The most incredible thing Electricity What like about glue That glue like to stick on you Glue how neat are you

Language is so neat It really great when you beat s re Then you beat your meat Obviously don care t But why so much follow through Must need to get laid It Hanukkah time Pretty much every day Party in the streets Secretary's Day Is there better holiday I pretty sure not m

Picking your boogers Can be very hard to do If you too picky When people make jokes Maybe someone is crying Just think about that

What Santa Claus do Other days out of the year Must go to day spa What finish him mean Changed after Mortal Kombat Lots more removed spines In November rain Don forget to feel some pain t Maybe jump off boat Doesn matter yo t No one going call your bluff People be frontin

When born to be wild It good time to go on tour And hire a roadie The heavy metal It wears so much on my heart And lead poisoning The rock and or roll They say it can sooth the soul They just needed rhyme Chuggin on beer bro Because got nowhere to go Spent it all on beer Nuclear bionics That is where the money at And prostitution Start before stopping Because if you had started You wouldn be stopped t Someone will have pay They megatotes will rue day California

And in West Hamburg You can get a hamburger They invented it Digital Camera You help bring all of us close Paris Hilton joke Can stop must finish t Unless it for anything Ha ha ha ha ha Walking to the beat When you want go extra mile Beat of a new drum

Pretty obvious Obvious that I don care t Um and stuff so there When it is the end You will never really know Because you be dead ll

Needs more dynamic You can just beat a dead horse t At least not beat off I like write haiku Because it not involve goo Goo big deal breaker Just pound that shit out Like your job to use hammer Specifically I laugh to enjoy Or I laugh therefore I am Or I laugh I dumb What the fucking shit Forgot can start haiku with What the fucking shit Time to fuck shit up Like totally get shit fucked Rub poop on my junk Duct tape not cat toy But it can amuse some cats Some cats pretty dumb

Cartoons are not real They are made up of puppets Like Ronald Regan Swillin on sum sum Laid back original g Word em up homie Playing piano Is good for some soul searching Like should learn how play Drinking on some beer Like a total gay person I space docking beer Do I write haiku Or figure out what play next DJ hook me up Distract easily Why not it can be so fun To like stare at shit To get your revenge They say it living good life Or poisoning drink

Christmas lights are neat For ambiance can be beat t Such pleasure no feat Chug a lug a drug If that drug include some rugs No drugs without rugs Peanut butter paw What can you say about it They had some pretzels Happy birthday you Must be pretty neat for you Way to go and stuff These aren so easy t It takes lots and lots of work Seriously bro Churning out butter Like your grandmother brother s Something or other Drinking alcohol Is something to consider When you aren drinking t

I really wonder Is there scotch tape in heaven It pretty useful s Sack of potato Oh the places you will go Like to McDonald's Get your boogie on When it time to get it on s Bust rug something fierce Considering newts What is it that you do newts No newts is good newts

Hardest things to do Also the most rewarding If you into that re Have happy birthday If birthday today or not Shit or get off pot

I could be writing I could be drinking instead I looking at porn Mr President Mr George Bush what you do I questioning you The rain in Spain falls If raining rain then get wet Raining men get soaked I was say nice thing But today opposites day Me just big ol jerk Jesus Jones saves soul But only right here right now Limited time deal Volcano erupts Gaping hole is very hot Paris Hilton joke Look at internet Touch it interact with it Shout in gaping void

Hardcore yodeling Is totally fun to do YODEL-A-E-OO A cat takes a nap When it wakes it takes a crap Also shoots laser You know what to do When you have too many shoe Make pot of shoe stew Asking small favor Can you be lord and savior Or loan me five bucks Some people are smart Some people are not stupid Others like NASCAR Marching in parade It a very special day Day I learn I gay No more clean laundry So I wearing a swimsuit This a true story

Lion is the king In the animal kingdom Don't trust he's Lion Writing lots haiku Makes you really super coo Haiku totals rule I don't know you man So please put the pamphlet down Unless pamphlet free Gomer the bunny Can be bit of a rascal Chews stuff and makes poop Linux so neato Best operating system For dude with free time Sharing on Myspace The unrestrained merriment Bulletins of joy Garfield big rude dude We learn about lasagna Fat cat make us laugh

A bird chirps outside It makes me think about stuff Like where is my gun At pizza party Be prompt do not be tardy Unless they moving Princess Fluffypuff Is a fluffy kitty cat Fly through space and time That one band Sublime Their life was not so sublime Maybe they change name Playing in a band Is pretty fun thing except If you don't have hands Popping bubble wrap Is fun thing to do except Not at funeral

Having a fun time Until they change the deadbolt Until then party Serious cravings I having Big Mac attack Wait just heart attack Of the Star Wars world Yoda would write best haiku Talk funny he do Beauty of nature Can be found all around you And at a strip bar When you give money You say I reward hard work Or please don't break knees Sun is very hot And the moon is very cold Combine two get soon Words cannot explain All the things about the stuff Or I bad writer

Corporate wasteland Stupid suits shuffling by Thank you for shopping Is this way to hell Because I brought a big bell Think that metaphor Changed name to Filbert Because I am going nuts Call an ambulance When Bill Cosby sneaks Like ninja into the night Incosbyito I pour oil on clock Because time keep on slipping Into the future A great pasta sauce I mean a really great sauce Totally sauceome

Flock of seagulls die Because a murder of crows Had a good motive Let me then explain What it mean to feel the pain It hurts man it hurts I can't wait to eat Because I very hungry I will go stuff face Passing a motion Like the motion of ocean Rubbing with lotion What big commotion All I did is call bomb threat People need relax Peeps be bugging out Off the hizzy fo shizzy I'm all like that's whack Open up your mind See the shifting sands of time For me to poop on

Spitting in the wind Is like spitting in the wind When will this thing end End of world as we Know it and I'm feeling fine Prescription pain pills Spanking the monkey He does not like it unless He wearing diaper

Trying write haiku Is really hard thing to do Seriously hard The Eiffel Tower It really high up there man It's like pretty tall I'm totally serious Remember to enjoy Life It good cereal

I bit my tongue hard That's why I talk like retard That and I retard Viking funeral Setting ablaze in water That cockroach earned it Pushing a stroller With babies set asunder Babies stop dying Smart phones are stupid Stupid phones are stupider Way to go Einstein Ramadan is time Where people fast except that The name sound pervy Standing here farting I'm having butt loads of fun A blast from my ass So fun rhymes with dumb But that so dumb fun not dumb Unless dumb is fun

One hand in pocket But isn't that ironic Tho I not sure why Deal with irony Irony is ironic Except when it's not In America Streets are paved with cheese except In Spain street queso It fun time to rhyme Done sublime a good time but Nothing rhyme with orange To be distracted What was I writing about It does not take much Sushiland fun with An automatic weapon Welcome to New York You're getting older When your butt look like boulder Unless you are rock

Jesus like tap dance But he not good tap dancer His feet are holy I staring at pop Some people call pop soda I no give a poo When monkey learn fly I no scared but I scared when Monkey shoot lasers House of Pain say jump but real house of pain to me Domestic abuse Thank you you're welcome No thank you no you're welcome No thank you fuck face Plastic bag flies free So God bless America Plastic bag freedom

A midget farted So I whipped out my nut sack And beat him to death If Jesus were gay He would need lots more product And some anal lube Prepare pasta sauce By pouring it on your head And light it on fire Just one more haiku But I don't know what to do So I make fart joke What is the deal with Women take long time bathroom Airplane food taste weird Koffi Annan leads But gun make the baby bleed When will the pain end All the world's flowers Can't show how pretty you are Unless you on rag

But it not salt fault You make junk food so tasty I blame president Trapped in a vortex Staring off in space disgrace The whole human race When will we be free When will somebody believe You suck oppression Big shame to be lame You go no game it big shame Big big big big shame The spoils of war are Control over people's minds And some dead babies Would you like a bag Or maybe a punch in face Let's do both they're free Jumping up and down But not because exercise My pants are on fire

Time is 3:14 Time is also a construct The man keeps us down When you have the flu And you also have to poo You know what doo doo Living on the edge You can have yourself some fun Living on the edge Two and a half men Walk in bar and bartender Says you guys are suck You can get real far If you have the fastest car And jar to pee in Breaking the rules rules So don't be a fool find rule To break and break it I had the best day Whole Foods Market TriBeCa It really great psych

Sarcasm is fun But when you want hurt someone You should just punch them Favorite song plays About bringing down the man I'm standing at work Blues Traveler man That band is like the best band and Jim Belushi

Smile and the world smiles But don't fall asleep because World steal your organs It's not news to us Genji miscellaneous Please enter price now I work at a job That's inhabited by snobs They all eat big jobs

When you try too hard People will call you retard and kick you in nards Hey kids don't do drugs Why not instead knit a rug I make joke drugs fun Is douchebag tattoo Make the douchebag a douchebag Or douchebag for life

My earwax smells weird Good thing it no in my nose I rub it on dog When a baby cries They say angel gets it wings I say band Wings sucks Dude it 4:20 Roll up a doobie except Now 4:21

The band Black Eyed Peas Makes me bend at knees because I like barf and dance No hablo ingles Y no hablo espaol Hablo tu madre Whole foods is like dude It really freaking like is Dude man like you know Day the music died Betcha my man Jesus cried Unless he like lied Britney Spears is cool So don't be a fool hit me Baby one more time When you are hungry Maybe you shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up now Deep in outer space Nobody can hear you scream But you should still try

The tears of a clown Watching a puppy fall down The insanity Best thing in life free Like being stung by a bee I write joke haiku The saddest thing is A man falls asleep alone Unless he has farts Kittens are so cute Unless they're going to puke For that I rebuke Touch a butterfly And feel what is to live life Unless it has AIDS Waterfalls of joy Buckets of respect except Regret being wet At Whole Foods Market You can procure loads of crap And dump on my dreams

Fuck you Aerosmith You suck the big one but I Don't want to miss thing Staring at pasta Thinking about Jean Sartre Also might fart-a Haiku what you do Haiku you make me feel blue Haiku doo f you

Babies being born They don't know about the scorn Death of innocence Yo avocado Your too many syllables What is up with that Women are like duh And I'm all like whatever Stupid genitals

When I make a fart I fear it also be shart Underwear taste tart Take it past limit Giving everything you got Give it even more Writing a haiku Don't have much to do except I die and you too Bouncing bunnies bounce They don't know the injustice The color of pain Rain's pitter patter Does not mean much to robots Terminator 2 Eating cereal Can be so ethereal Eat enlightened O's Monkeys like fling poo But you know you like it too If you were monkey

Babies are crying Babies are dying Our government is lying Do not beat your meat Instead do crochet of meat And then come on it When you touch yourself God becomes enraged at that Hits Jesus in face Variety spice But not the real spice of life Real spice of life drugs Life is bowl cherries Life so fun go life except Life is rhyme with strife Butterscotch butthole Rubbing it with Oleo Whoops I'm allergic I found religion Rubbing one out for Jesus Bible told me so

Corn flakes are like ships Drowning in some milk their souls Ascend to heaven Wearing skinny pants Is almost the coolest thing Except assless chaps Riding a pony Flying high above the clouds Jerking off midget I was in Thailand Director M Night Shamalan Turns out I was ghost

When a robot cries No one sees its single tear Made of cadmium Big brown paper bag Full of dirty rags carried By men dressed in drag

Too many items Standing in the express line Time is jerk-o-clock Loins burn asunder The fire feels intensely hot Don't touch them peppers Dude that what she said When she talking the faeces About your mother Nothing quite like fun Driving intoxication I'm a highway star Bongos of remorse Beating to beat different drum That is what she said Try instant oatmeal Or don't I don't really care I not oat spokesman Buckets of remorse Would fill all the way to top Except hole in it

I wearing glasses I like to file my taxes Dare you guess my race Black and white alright Black and white kind of alike Except not at all Fill up dishwasher Dirty dishes turn anew But never unload Finish orange juice jug Put back refrigerator Blame it on the cat I live write haiku But I no write great except You illiterate Buy them art supplies Draw me picture unicorn Unicorn pretty Fly through space and time And describe it using rhyme That be real sublime

Keys on a keyboard Should be pressed especially If you are a cat Dance you banana It peanut butter jelly time With a baseball bat Wolf pack of remorse Howl at moon 9/11 Wait was that too soon

I no eat cat food Unless cat food is pizza Then I eat cat food Ice cream is tasty To lick off a boob pasty Shave nipples first though Nipples of remorse Shooting sour milk on floor No woman no cry

My cat stare at me So I staring back at cat We stare hard retard Cat barf up hairball Why cat no more like a dog Dog eat that back up Cat stare out window Window opportunity It like cat TV Current goal in life Be Ziggy of haiku world Seems reasonable Beat of different drum Maybe it not metaphor Maybe it techno You give up on life A sign when you eat pretzels I mean they're pretzels I love you so much It makes me want to vomit And pee on myself

Love like a big dump Once I took a dump so big I had to go twice How dost I love thou Letest me countest thee ways One er uh um well Beer is like a chick Especially when you're drunk Then I must tinkle I went through your trash And found some old underwear Makes me touch myself I dream about you And your saggy gazoombas I'd like to feel them Will I masturbate To your boobs your ass your smile Or watch porn movie Take my advice pal Chicks dig hickeys and tattoos Not gonorrhea

This haiku is for All five of my ex-girlfriends And that one weird girl Oh magic 8-ball Will I get lucky tonight Try again later

It there's anything To learn of life from TV It's to wear a cup Why don't you love me I'm charming and sensitive You fucking dumb bitch Oh magic 8-ball Will I get lucky tonight? Outcome not likely It's hard to write poems When you're as caring as I Watch me upchuck now

Please come to my house Wearing nothing but a smile Watch me smack that ass Please go out with me Or else I will kill myself Also your parents Love is a virus And it makes me so crazy So very crazy Fuck this haiku shit What a bunch of dumb bullshit Also hey fuck you State of Texas big Tho Alaska way bigger Still though um whatevs No need oxygen If have gills but if name Gil Maybe that also Clap your hands say yeah But that sentence also band Hope they don't sue me

When band name sentence Really makes me wonder if Band like that sentence My heart is crying Life is empty without you Who get me beer now Princess such cute cat Fluffy cutie kitty cat Nom nom nom nom nom I listen techno I pretty sure I bit gay Bit by gay vampire Sailor big kitty He just a big old pussy He fear plastic bag Did wizard punch in 9 to 5 magical acts Come home take big bath Watching good movie Boobs explosions and car chase It legitimate

Cats the musical Based on some poems by some dude That aren't about cats Yesterdays dinner Too much habaero sauce Today's fiery dump Goth walrus feel pain It is gothest animal Robert Smith half one I saw you dancing Never be the same for sure Got lobotomy Wear witty T-shirt It describe how smart you are Regular Einstein Bath tubs of respect However that quantifies I think it metric Wearing a backpack Make you look like the coolest Mick Jagger wore one

Thing cardboard boxes That cats like to get in them Ship to Africa Write haiku tired Could use a shower and nap I will persevere I persevering Wonder if perseveres Spent time stare at wall Brown babies can mean Race thing or taking a poop Different birth control

Happy bunny hops He goes hop hippity hop Or catches a cab Air conditioning Is nice when you feeling hot Like if you on fire

On Halloween night There can be quite a big fright Juggalo neighbors Haven't checked email In at least 15 minutes Facebook where are you I get with the times I just sign up for Friendster And a Livejournal Checking my Myspace A band posted bulletin Life now has meaning Change the batteries The old ones run out of juice Throw them at hobo Hobo in SoHo Not because of better life He just likes to rhyme Robot dinosaurs Laser guns from outer space You feel lucky punk

Butt rock not so cool But someone must have liked it May have butt fetish Having nostalgia Reliving life's cherished times Backstreet boys are back Throwing up on street Must have had some party time Or stomach virus Some rappers drop hits Then they pick them up and think Someone might buy this Empty coffee can All the fun and joy is gone Time to rob a bank Flying unicorn Reaching up for the heavens Her name is Moon Beam Gonna get my gun Who knows maybe shoot someone It's a free country

Surfing internet Big waves of zeros and ones And pornography Love is like vomit I don't shut up I grow up Look at you throw up Wearing underwear Is really smart thing to do Adam and Eve dumb One tree sick of life And all the people places Say leaf me alone It's good thing baby When you use the word maybe Well I mean maybe Ace Of Base so good I hear them at Taco Bell Rock-o my Taco

The clanking of life So many noises involved Silence with shotgun Spend some time typing Also time looking at hands Time to get that checked Kitchen noise too much So I went in my backyard Can't think now bandsaws Every blade of grass Are like a little green man Except AstroTurf The cement is hard And so are the S.A.T.'s Not for jackhammer

When it sunny out Life such a beautiful thing Wish I had Netflix

Roaring of a train It carrying quite a load Price quite a load too The buzzing of bee And now I see so clearly Unless bee sting eye Backyard adventure Which bugs going to eat me The Rolly Polly Chocolate croissant Delectable except once On lips forever thighs Rambo like to kill Unless maybe he didn't Each death a torture Teach a robot love Softly tenderly caress Demand hooker bot Roll up the barrel We'll have barrel of monkey Hope they aren't dead yet

At a barbeque Easy to drink too much brew Don't forget to chew Sun beats down on me So I call child services They no take my case The sun is sunny Wonder if moon gets jealous Doubt it it's a rock Abstract and surreal Is like some words and like stuff Man this turn out crap Roast own coffee beans Saving a little money And get to be snob Penguins are bobbing Up and down in cold water Same place they make poop I drinking smoothie But then a fly land in it Mm that free protein

Ants march in a line They march to beat of ant time Ant time so boring The best blueberries Ones you share with your bros brah Broberry besties I too much coffee Oh shit I am freaking out Think I fly away Bandsaw accidents I am actually for these Silence is golden Now you are grown up When you can vote and drive car Do them both same time There so many fly Wonder if fly no have wings Would name still be fly Janes Addiction rocks They totally play music Unless you are deaf

Everyone hold hands Learn to love your fellow man Babies stop dying Tossed cigarette butt Smokey the Bear gets upset He know where you live

Ride a bicycle It's pretty fun way to go Watch out for tigers Extreme sports are rad Like rollerskating and stuff Totally gnarly I haiku machine Pump them out like Charlie Sheen Don't know what that mean West coast says hella East coasters say that's awesome Midwest say we suck

Talk about music Like The Pixies and like stuff Use word like a lot Empty water cup A baby cries out in night Stop insanity Five friends on Facebook Posting update to my wall I so all alone When sunny outside Maybe it time go inside Turn on the A/C Cassette tapes sound good Don't care what anyone say Put it in press play Today was best day I really had some fun time Trip to the dentist Playing basketball Goal of game get ball through hoop Maybe find true love

I could use a desk Currently my desk is bed Too tempting take nap Skateboarding to store Buying beer to help ignore The world's suffering Most things annoy me So then I complain a lot Life bowl of cherries Life bowl of cherries Bowl of cherries that have worms Happy Mother's Day Mothers all unite To help set the world alright Happy Father's Day Saved By The Bell cast Will you reunite at last The world needs you to

Miles Davis plays blue But not because of music He run out of air A cat cleaning self It licks its various spots Wish I could reach there Five fluffy pillows Filled up with fluffy filling Like this here haiku This Fairy Ring tape Tell you the truth no mistake Putting me to sleep Write haiku in sleep Sleeping away with haiku Haiku need sleep too I take a big nap Sleepy time man hold my hand Take me to sleep land I wrote tons haiku Suffered and then persevered Gandhi of haiku

Remember saying Mi casa es su casa True unless I sue Typing with boner Much harder than type without Because boner hard Burnt out on haiku Not sure what else I can do What would Jesus do Failing all today But think it turn out OK I lie to myself The chords strike my ears Riverdance done it again You best commercial Potato famine Leaves lots of questions to ask Why not eat bacon I dig rock and roll And bacon it save my soul Rock and bacon roll

Doctor oh doctor Man trapped in woman body Give it to me straight Did you know that guy You know I mean that one guy He was wearing shirt This is N.P.W. Nathan Public Wadio Thanks for listening People are standing It seems really weird to me Waiting in a line Flamboyant garment Apparently is zoot suit Better than cock sock The Book of Mormon Is a sacred text of God And a musical Musical are gay If don't know what need to say Say it in song form

Today I confused I think today tomorrow What then yesterday Something in tummy Is not right maybe Cancer Tapeworm or a fart I took dog for walk I think dog like it because Post status update A cup of coffee Waking up morning is nice Time is 2 PM I need sign that say Please refer previous sign This sign redundant Playing recorder It really super neato Recorder hot poop Conscious of body Please tell me am I pretty I no listening

Consumer prices Is tied to price gasoline Dinosaurs still rule

Eagle soaring high Across the striking blue sky Visit Wyoming I listen to jazz That what my hands made out of Nature play cruel joke The World Trade Center Somebody built them except Someone knocked them down Pectoral muscle Can be a thing of pure joy Or also pure lard A flaming homo Rages against the machine The machine is cold

So something happened Not sure how say it except Ultra farty pants Check out my hard drive Now it is a floppy disk Touch joystick too much The day cheese go bad The same day me get real sad Cheese catastrophe I make great pancake Secret ingredient love And a pound hashish Typing when outside The outdoors really pretty I staring at screen I can't stand the noise So I cut my own ears off Metaphorically The vines race down wall Racing against time because World may end today

Publishing a book Can be tricky thing to do When your book no good Tree swaying in wind Or maybe something cosmic It listen iPod Eating a booger Not a suitable dinner Make booger sandwich Roommate need get job They need go get out of house So I can whack off Rub a dub dub bub I sorry I call you bub Needed extra word My teeth feel gritty I knock them out with hammer Is time for my mush I like to ride bike I ride bike along a path Hoping I don't crash

The letter E good It all up in neighborhood Until I drive-by Ultra mega totes Is the ultimate of totes Totally super Watching bad movie Don't know what to do so now I writing haiku Bill Cosby a ghost But he pretty funny ghost I guess I dig it Supernatural Beyond the things with the stuff Through the scary door Dig Futurama That show it really funny Kill nonbelievers Can't think what to write So I must write what feel right Donkey dick delight

What the fuckin shit Suckin duckin fuckin-a Fuckin what the fuck How to get ahead Remember the Alamo Davy Crockett Jones Thinking about stuff It really neat thing stuff junk Stuff et cetera Bumblebee parade Yellow and black stripes hooray Rerouted traffic Lets go Burningman That sound like really great plan Or juggalo thing I like to writing But so other people too Guess that why they books

Wikipedia Explain some neat stuff to me Learn what it mean learn Edith's a boy's name Let's go Ghostbusters let's go It's called Eddie duh Faking your own death Can take a little planning Like movie Ghost Dad Revenge of the Nerds Best movie since Shindler's List Or the Hangover That show on TV Was the best thing there can be I posting to blog People clasp your fans Or at least say that often Clasp your freaking fans When you got to go You know that you got to go Exit premises

Hey Mr. Haiku Write you until my face turn blue Then smurf a smurfku A bus comes to halt A person gets on the bus The bus continues World's greatest haiku Not written by who you'd think By space alien Need to know basis Can be a very good thing Or buddy might sing Spaghetti meatballs Penne pasta al dente And a nice calzone

Digesting some food Can be good but don't be rude Blame fart on the dog

Was going ask why But I eated too much pie Now think why ask why I like to make soup Because I am the lamest Taste good but totes lame People be lame more Then the word will have meaning Word lost it that's lame What gift get Jesus How about Starbucks gift card He always forgive Dude you suck at life Time to suck it up there chuck Trying giving a fuck It raining pizza Totally high up in sky Nailed it the landing I haiku eyes shut But will we ever be free Jesus understand

Stupid TV show But who's really stupider TV or viewer Getting procedure Get ass put where face should be Now I will fit in Wise man once tell me Go and get tattoo that says Don't get dumb tattoo Words on roller skates It's poetry in motion Haiku roller rink Magic unicorn It can shoot lasers and fly Quite a sight to see Underground tunnel It is a really big hole Paris Hilton Joke Minute left on break Time enough to write haiku They not very hard

Rubber bands are green Wonder if rubber band tree Get too much water Telephone talking Gabbing about big nothings Um like well so yeah Standing here in hell Someone says something to me I'm in outer space Dancing in the street Is like the place to do it Or on the dance floor Say goodnight Gracie OK then goodnight Gracie Goddamit Gracie Are bees in heaven And their stingers full of joy Heroin bee stings Premium lager So you can get blotto-er Except it cost more

Go tell on mountain Over the hills and something Except out of breath

Four shiny pennies But will we ever be free It time for some change Time for a meeting Company morale too high Time to show who's boss I wearing new shoes And listening to nu shooz Baby I can't wait 10 items or less Pushing shopping cart over The edge of sanity Eat milk chocolate Or rub it on your nipple Shaved nipple that is

Register 19 This is my name for today Also name Nathane Eating goober peas Or eating your own boogers Please please please do these Today special day I completed a puzzle My training complete My shoe has a hole Into it puddles gushing Paris Hilton joke

Last haiku OK This one fear not go so well Already give up Best haiku in world Has the biggest hole in world Paris Hilton joke

Nothing quite sounds like Analog synthesizers Discreet components It holla back day I ain't no holla back girl So I guess it not Craziest ever But the sentence I want write Didn't fit it so That what Jesus do He force me write new haiku Darn you Jesus doo Jesus holy cuz Nailed to cross big bloody gapes Paris Hilton joke Beer thirty o clock Why not you only live once Dead soon anyway Wake up start drinking Why not you only live once Unless come back ghost

Word of day is beer As in yo get me a beer Or beer me beyotch While flying around Don't forget to shoot lasers Also to fight crime Jesus had a beard Jesus wanted it that way Big fan lumberjacks

Jesus write haiku He write like WTF doo Crucifixion sux I going to hell But I'm like so what good deal Tickets to LA A flying airplane Must try to maintain its game Or people complain

Today I have farts I hope nobody bug me They catch big mouthful Wearing a big hat Would be funny on a cat But not Dr. Seuss Steal an idea But don't give any credit Take glory and run Write disco haiku But I too busy dancing To finish haiku Smell of cat litter Smells of justice and freedom And hint of lemon Want check internet This laptop no internet You got a smart phone Now I very bored If I were made out of straw Would be berry bored

Haiku full of rule First rule is there are no rule Anarchy then rule Must finish coffee And start drinking the high life Later scrape the bong Sounds of the jerkwad Make it hard to concentrate Like bass on speaker When you have to fart Don't because God gets angry God perfect no fart Wish I had doughnut Or two one to eat and one To rub on my butt Princess ride pony Into the magic kingdom Her name is Francine Coffee get me mad I punch pillow hard because Beer thirty not soon

Here is my motto Do unto others some stuff And give me money The best invention Has got to be the Clapper Unless you no hands The kitty cat claw Shoots out of its paw tearing At fabric of time Now I am hungry Don't have any groceries Wish I could eat poop

Casio keyboard EZ play Christmas music Some whiskey and you Always use your heart Just like Indiana Jones That belong museum

Playing a board game Because you actually bored Need board game called bored It's the end of world You don't love me anymore And someone launch bomb I made a big fart Feel need to apologize I feel real sorry So glad to see you Although that silly to me Words do not have eyes A pile of laundry Does no matter clean or not Pile always dirty Now I am hungry Also I broken record Now I am hungry I set out writing Great American novel But in haiku form

Hey diddle diddle Dish ran away with the spoon Cat diddled the moon

New Radiohead Oh man new Radiohead I listening now Would you steal a car When you could steal a movie On the internet Grand Theft Auto 4 Shooting people even more Then go pick up whore Dude invent Clapper Wonder if they had the clap They probably did Potato pancake Shoot I meant peanut butter Well this one is screwed

Using the shortcuts Will lead you down the same path Just get there quicker Feel no loyalty Of responsibility Everyone be free

Dangit where my beer Oh it's just right over there Darn you over there Killing me softly This song killing me softly Softly with this gun Want to be the next Dave Barry meets Carrot Top Jamie Kennedy Ready for this one Ready or not here I come I find you and junk

That last one haiku Wasn't seen through all the way Still it's A-OK What's up with your hat It looks like jumping jack flash It's a gas gas gas I thinking about What would happen if we changed It'd be kinda strange Getting business done How did that ever happen Before 80's songs Butterscotch blue cheese Rub some of it on your knees Now you have disease Oh freaking haiku Gots to write lots more of you Until fingers bleed What's with these homies Diss my Mary Tyler Moore I don't care bout that

Ms. Jones and me Oh dear God please make it stop But it continue

Screwdriver heaven Surrounded by nuts screwing Up past eleven Sing along your song If you remember lyrics Otherwise then hum When there's cat in lap It wants you pet your pussy Don't rub it wrong way Try understanding Care about your fellow man Everyone hold hands Seven string guitar All you need to go real far That and rocket boots

I sick of writing I sick of drinking and drugs Am jaded asshole Douchebag walk in bar Bartender say what you want Douchebag say I suck World a better place All need do is please make more Macaroni cheese I boiling water And writing haiku same time Live on edge I do Vegetarian Except for eating bacon Need new term for that I hate everything Heart is full of manure Need a place to go Sometimes abandon Or at least carry flagon No know flagon mean

People are big dumb I know I have to smell them Actually I don't I never crossed line The line between truth and a lie Conundrum then some Pressing same button Nothing quite come out same then Press it anyway People make me pissed Tho I dno why I guess They just really suck Writing goth haiku I totally super goth I so super goth That fucking bullshit That fucking bullshit no fly In the goth haiku Listen MIDI loud Losing hearing from MIDI Cool way to lose that

I keep press type type Type and junk et cetera Type type type your mom Losing hearing fun What was that you said again Joke is words can't talk Noises that are loud The thing about them they are Really what you say? Glad keyboard shortcuts Keyboard shortcuts save haiku But not from the AIDS In your head zombie In your head they are fighting Zombie zomb-aye-ee

Cute fluffy kitty Fluffy fur flies everywhere Fucking fluffy cat

Paws of injustice Scratching away sands of time And clawing the couch There no I in team Unless you bad at spelling There's an app for that

Lets go Disneyland World of Imagination Tripping on acid Passion of the Christ Is such an awesome movie I didn't see it Wherever you go Happens to be where you are Unless you not there I are really bored But later I will be dead But for now just bored

I hopped in the air Jumped so high thought I could fly Or just like to lie So I keep farting Later I will take a dump On my hopes and dreams Can't think what rhyme dump It has left me stump and feel Llike a big old cunt Staring into space Pondering the human race And about my face When your having sex It can make a big old mess So have sex with corpse Have integrity Stand up for what you believe See if I give crap When she walked away I realized what to say I looking at butt

I am so sleepy I could really use a nap Or some crystal meth Sucking a big dick Is fun unless you get sick Also no homo Avoid eye contact Don't do it ever Unless in staring contest Time is beer thirty All day every day all year Half past shit face bro I wish I was in Dixie the land of cotton Or at a day spa General Chaos In fight with Major Havoc Until they make out The vida loco Is one way to live when in Insane asylum

I might be dying I think it might be cancer Or I have some gas I might be dying Either quickly or slowly But not soon enough It's time for ice cream When you are on your death bed They call it dice cream When a baby cries A little piece of me dies Or wants kid shut up Jumping off a bridge Is what bungee jumpers do Or suicidals

I have a toothache Or maybe it is cancer Can't afford either

Terminal toothache I wonder if that exist Must google at home Two hours left at work Except if apocalypse That would be a treat Hey choking victim You know silence is golden But my eyes still see When time for revenge They say it dish best served cold Like some gazpacho Hand sanitizer Don't mistake with Budweiser Unless you are drunk If you're superman Then you really super man And real quick in sack Eat too many prunes Because they make you go poo Poo made of doo doo

Is it time to eat Or if I'm at my joe job Time eat shit and die Brain not here today I'd tell you where it went to Except I don't know

This land is my land Because I got a shotgun Proud of this dirt pile It is Miller time But if you can't think of rhyme Too many Millers I am really dumb I am twiddling my thumb That is really fun What would Jesus do When a power line dangles He go pee on it

John Wayne is cowboy And he like to ride Horsey His horse named Horsey When light bulb go on Have idea except waste Electricity Employee shopping Is like pot call kettle black That don't make no sense In America You can pee on a baby If baby is corpse

Skiddle dee bah doo Doo wah doo wah doo wah wah Skiddle dee bop bop Think a lot about If there pizza in heaven Is it S'Barro

So what I have gas Jupiter is gas giant so Ass celestial I try tell haiku And then person walk away What a big douchebag My cat Bacon Strip Like tear paper and play fetch She think she a dog This beer make me drunk That or I drunk on power Probably just beer Want to learn to fly So I can fly way too high Learn nothing from Greece Today I shower But truth is just need wash ass It's very hairy An alcoholic Is someone who drinks a lot And sucks a big one

Xmas is my fave I like to go to a rave High on hot cocoa Half a loaf of bread Hard to eat when you are dead Unless you zombie Somebody shoot me Shoot me a smile or with gun Out of misery When I hear you scream It send me into a dream Well at least nightmare A brown paper bag An essential thing to have When drinking on street The best guy in world He is not from this planet His name is Jesus Paper or plastic Either way shove it up ass And do little dance

When you fall in love Consider a background check Or at least check pulse Whole Foods TriBeCa Is a big supermarket For you to blow cash Dresses are comfy The way they flow down to toe I like to wear them

Farting on baby Spitting in grandma's gravy Things to do when bored Eating a chocolate Because my boyfriend dumped me Damn this do taste good Do these pants make me Look fat or am I just fat Don't answer either

I am very bored So bored I writing haiku It measure boredom

When you are in hell It's pretty easy to tell You ass is on fire Try killing brain cells Get stupider every day More interesting Indigestion sucks Unless you make antacids Let the good times roll Smells like teen spirit It is a deodorant Also youth anthem Giving up my turn Is good when it's time to die Unless you want die

Standing at a job Where the job involves standing Fucking sucks big dick Jesus could tell joke Didn't turn water to wine It was him urine When it's raining men It's time to get soaking wet You're sitting in it The confusing sounds Of busy supermarket Stupid dipshits shop Waiting in a line Until the end of all time End line time called lime Tell people shut up Because it is fun to do And they are talking Carafe of orange juice Is called a carafe because Giraffe invent it

Song stuck in my head Is what they call an earworm Because I eat worms Cats in the cradle Silver spoon little boy blue You're not my real dad When it smell like fart Maybe it because of fart Probably is fart Crap your pants for fun And then do a little dance It worked for Jesus When people stand up What do they stand for are they Tired of sitting Sticking things in bags Like some garbage bags is so F-ing retarded Things would be funner If they had more boobs on them And some flamethrowers

Pressing the space bar Pressing it over again The space bar of life I have to make fart But hot person near screw it I fart anyway Eating ostrich eggs Beats punching yourself in face Unless egg is fist Disgrace human race Every time you show your face Jesus is crying

I are bored today And probably tomorrow Maybe forever Staring at cookie And thinking about nothing Welcome to my life

Is that all there is If so then what's all there is If not then let's dance One more poem to write Before I get home tonight Wait already home Waiting till I die Maybe 60 years or so Unless get lucky Someone kill me now Because my life is the suck Guess I suck it up

It is very slow But I say it's opposite The sarcasm wins Do nothing today Lay in bed wish I was dead Something wrong with head

Fucking roommate suck They a big sucky sucker Wutcha gunna do When you hate your life Maybe you should jump off bridge Bridge of irony Welcome to your life It will be long and boring And then you will die Just had idea Email would be different It called he/she-mail Rubber bands are rad You can shoot someones eye out Or snap them on nad Today going slow I so bored I want to die Or go to day spa Today so boring Sound like a broken record Today so boring

My bottom stinky I no trying very hard Unless it to stink Staring at my hand Inspiration comes to me I should go jack off Eating goober peas That would be a thing to do If I had money I keep on farting I do not care anymore I impress no one Now it is busy But I am still standing here Moving a same pace Look back in anger And make up your own story Make it about crabs Tape some tape to tape That sticky situation Something to adhere

Fancy food taste gross Rich people must not have taste But lots of money Jay Leno funny I laughing so hard his joke His one single joke I like the Beatles I dig rock and roll except I lost my hearing

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored

Seriously bored

Bored bored bored bored bored When you eat some food Then you are full and sleepy Good time for a nap I totally bored So bored I poo in my pants And set it on fire

It's not illegal To burn American flag Or maybe it is Hey Josh how are you I am working at Whole Foods Shoot me in the face Is it time to go If not then fuck you I quit I go to day spa Feathers feathering By weathering the weather And movie Heathers Crimini mushrooms Are a good exclamation If you speak Engrish Mothering mothers Sometimes need let go except Not when off a bridge

It is time to dine When you have some food to eat I eating dog food Whole foods whole people Whole planet and don't forget Also whole paycheck Crimini mushrooms Also called baby bella Good to throw at dogs Today I do good I smile and I try real hard Monkeys fly out ass In through the out door Don't know what that mean but free To get in museum I am so hungry Consider eating own words Need to think them first It is time to fly When you are totally high Try fly out window

Waiting for the end Thinking about time I spend My mind must have bend Haiku about fart Or is fart about haiku Don't know what to poo It's another day You know what they say Add one to dead baby pile Keeps food hot or cold This amazing sack is what That is known as chode The weather is nice Or the weather is awful Who care when inside When walking the line You walk the straight and narrow Unless line scribble

When nothing to do You can make things up to do Like doing nothing When people stupid It make them look so ugly Unless they model Inconsistency What's up inconsistency You're inconsistent Hearts beat together The two share every moment That life conjoined twins Flavors worth sharing Sharing is caring flavors are Pralines and dick Hard to realize You're just like everyone else Time to get haircut Feels like I'm in jail But you can sit in prison So this must be hell

To be very best Gotta catch them all except Talking S.T.D.'s Pokemon is show But it would be different yo If it reggae song Dead babies don't cry Even if you really try Now it time for pie Having lots of kids Can be lots of fun practice Lots of juggling There line in sushi I tell them go fuck off now Writing best haiku Jesus told Moses That they should abandon ship Ship was too holy Used to write haiku Now I have nothing to do I go to day spa

People are walking Or maybe they are talking Nope they are sexting Dead babies don't lie And the dead babies don't cry They falling from sky

When hardcore vegans Throw eggs at you in protest The yoke is on you At supermarket You can buy a lot of things Maybe find true love Number one killer Isn't tobacco or booze It is when you die I really like food I like to rub it on dude When dude in the mood

Learning form the pros And learning when to say nose because the nose knows What are you doing Reading a dumb old haiku Better things to do Jesus tell Moses Thou shalt eat buttloads Swiss cheese Because it holy When you are crazy Go hang out in grocery store Heck why not work there

A dog plays in park Doesn't know how cold world is Or does and no care The cookie monster Is not fan of metaphor Just like eat cookie

Vampire walk in bar Bartender say what it be Vampire say I suck When turkey big jerk There only one thing to do Make turkey jerky Paradise city Grass is green girls are pretty Oh please take me home Meghan is nice gal She is really a good pal If you need back stab The Spice World movie Make me feel really groovy Rub it on nipple When you drink coffee Please remember to swallow That is what she said If Jackie throw up They would have to change her name Her new name Yackie

The sound of silence Is like a folk song I think But it hard to hear Terminal secured I leave feeling reassured I go to day spa When in NYC And you have to take a pee Go on a monkey Listen ZZ Top The go ahead cut ears off You heard perfection

If you went crazy For 18th century art Rococo loco When you stand all day You just want to hit the hay Turns out you are gay

I'm off the wagon Or maybe on the wagon That life of dog tail Best thing about life That you can't take it with you Unless you born ghost A bag in a bag Best time the inside bag had Bag was very glad Register 19 The man was very angry Must be size him dick The aquarium Is like jail to lots of fish Salmon in slammer Bacon on ice cream This haiku about bacon Ice cream on bacon Make bacon sandwich Instead of bread use bacon All bacon diet

Bacon saved the world Before bacon there no hope Pandora's bacon Bacon good for you It can really help you out If you want to die New bacon perfume Going take market by storm It name perfection Today bacon day Cuz today ends with word day So eat some bacon Eat lots of bacon Or just rub it on your toes Exfoli-bacon A bacon vortex Bacon wrapped in bacon Stole this idea Small bites with bacon Be delicate with bacon Don't be a fat pig

Hey turkey bacon Why don't you stab me in dick You ain't the real shit Standing in sushi Writing another haiku Totally awesome Potato chips bag What you be after you're had You now wad of shit Watching a guy walk He strutting stuff something fierce Fast feet of fury

Another haiku To toss onto haiku pile Then set it ablaze Big line in sushi Dude made sushi announcement Douche-y announcement

No line in sushi Except line me draw in mind No wait now there line Reading a good book Or favorite magazine Good way to get AIDS

Scribble hard enough And squint your eyes hard enough You just wrote haiku After day is done And all that is said is said I feel pretty dumb Seriously dumb When your life is not that fun Seriously dumb Totally bonkers She cookoo for cookoo puff Shop at grocery store

Retail is fun job Toss in manual labor That is the funnest Funnest thing in world Work up corporate ladder Shit on those below Ruthless and toothless She strikes in the dark of night The tooth fairy comes Busy day sushi Lots and lots and lots and lots Considering ghosts Golden rule retail The customer always right And a big douchebag Healthy grocery store Good place to buy your junk food Make into smoothie I have writers block Um so like uh I will write Happy Hanukkah

I am bored haiku So bored I talk to haiku Haiku no listen Life like box chocolates Shove it in you fucking mouth Blow it out asshole When you sit on poop And you are in the army You are on duty Falco is the best His music is all you need And food and water Running on empty Possibly best song except The macarena Today sobering Very very sobering Until beer thirty Tomorrow I die At least a little inside Have to go to work

When your shopping list Includes beer bacon and beer You're on the right track Good eating habits Like remember swallow and Don't spit on the pope Split infinitives And like when you like you know Like totally split Stretching out your mind Isn't that hard when you're high Mind detachable Something about food When you eat it it tastes good Then you shit your pants World's biggest hoagie Is hard to put in your mouth That is what she said Man came home from work Ask wife what is for dinner He a hungry man

To give or receive Which is the better to do I think give yourself

A knuckle sandwich Is a good fast healthy snack Give them out for free Remember one thing Remember the Alamo You can call me Al Eating healthy thing A new years resolution And not be dickhead Next register please Unless you beg on your knees Still my answer no Do not stock bags here Like people do it then die Everyone dies bro

So what you want do Got a pocket full of almonds My homeboys do too I shot the sheriff When I shot gun at his face But not deputy Running on empty Not because of energy Morally bankrupt Sign I stare at says Look for this logo and save But not self from death Clean papar only Isn't in fact a typo If you are stupid Stairway to heaven Is a good way to get there And some exercise To write more haiku You just need write lots more crap Thing monkey can do

Time for another I wonder how it turn out Don't really care tho I pressing buttons They bring me many delight Monkey videos I so really bored So I go cut my hand off Disability Someone glanced at me I wondering what it mean Totally want me Thank you for shopping Shitting on my hopes and dreams Those two related That which it begins Is the process to get through So that it can end Pretentious haiku World gets by fine without you Stupid smart haiku

Time passes like gas From the ass of like some guy This time it stinky

Life brings no solace Awaiting deaths sweet embrace Wait Frasier is on Writing a haiku Is like getting abortion Buttloads dead babies Two minutes later Staring into outer space Time is enigma I can't stop yawning Maybe I'll buy an awning Or go to spawning At your local zoo There are lots of things to do Like watch monkeys poo

When you own some land Pick up the land in your hand You man are island This secret haiku It such a super secret I can't tell ending One two three four five Now it time to do hand jive Number five alive A rubber band snaps An eye gets shot out when will Insanity end Butterball turkey Stuffed with bacon deep fat fried With cherry on top This the end my friend Standing at the edge of world This it or is it

A thousand and one Haiku for everyday use By Nathan Smith