Preface by the Author

This essay was written after I had visited my unconscious spiritual master in the Intensive Care Unit of Allegheny General Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where he lay in a coma after a horrible head injury which had been inflicted a few days earlier on October 27, 1985, by a crazed madman who was visiting New Vrindaban at the time. 1 This article was an expression of love from a sincere disciple for his guru, and was appreciated by the New Vrindaban residents. Umapati dasa said it was the best piece I had ever written. We discovered later that our idolism of Bhaktipada as a self-realized soul was not based on his actual spiritual realization, but never-the-less at this time we derived great inspiration and strength from our love for him. Love is an extremely powerful and wonderful emotion, and I will never forget that love for him. It was one of the most fulfilling loves of my life. Hrishikesh dasa (Henry Doktorski) October 2008

Forever By His Side

by

Hrishikesh dasa brahmachari

All glories to our eternal Lord and Master, His Divine Grace Kirtanananda Swami Srila Bhaktipada. It is stated in the scriptures that the pure devotee of the Lord is always transcendental to matter. He realizes himself to be spirit soul and does not identify with the body. He is not affected in the least by any material impediment and his consciousness is eternally fixed in the Absolute Truth, in love with Lord Krishna. Although he may appear to be unconscious, or even in a comatose state or trance, the spiritual master is always engaged in the service of Lord Krishna. He is eternally preaching the sankirtan mission of Lord Caitanya, and helping his disciples advance in love of God. Let me offer a few conclusive examples of Bhaktipadas great strength and determination. On Monday night Nityodita prabhu visited Bhaktipada and relayed the following pastime: When I saw him I didnt really know what to do or say. Bhaktipada was lying in bed, apparently unconscious, and the nurses informed me that he cant respond to us. One nurse demonstrated by grabbing Bhaktipadas hand and speaking rather loudly, Can you hear me? Please squeeze my hand. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand. There was no response. But after the nurse left the room, I held Bhaktipadas hand myself and told him, Bhaktipada! Its me, Nityodita dasa! We miss you Bhaktipada! Immediately Bhaktipada began vigorously pumping my hand! Nityo concluded, Bhaktipada is not dependent on doctors or hospitals, but is simply dependent on Krishna. He doesnt like these nurses, but he does love his devotees and reciprocates with them as they love him. Not only that, but he wants to finish Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandras temple very soon. Bhaktipada is very much with us and fired up! Another example is Adwaita prabhu. He and Sudhanu were reading Krishna Book to Bhaktipada while he was quietly resting. After a while Adwaita said, Bhaktipada, we brought some bath water from Sri Sri

Radha-Vrindaban Chandra. He sprinkled a few drops on Bhaktipadas forehead and gently rubbed the bath water on his skin. Suddenly, Bhaktipada surprised them by lifting his right arm straight up in the air! Adwaita and Sudhanu were in bliss and grabbed Bhaktipadas hand and held it tightly. Another devotee, Radha Ramana, related this to me, I told Bhaktipada that we need him, that we cant live without him. I explained that all the Brijabasis were working very hard on the brick marathon and were chanting twenty-four hours a day to Lord Nrsimhadeva for his speedy recovery. After a while, I fell silent. Thinking how I could serve Bhaktipada, I spoke out loud, Maybe I can massage your feet, Bhaktipada. Immediately he kicked his foot out from beneath the blanket, fulfilling my desire! Our dear godbrother, Bhaktipadas personal servant, Kumara prabhu, relates, I was holding Bhaktipadas hand and reading Krishna Book when my throat became dry and I wanted a drink. However, as soon as I started to leave Bhaktipadas side, his grip tightened on my hand and I couldnt go! I said, Bhaktipada, I just want to get a drink of water. Ill be right back. Only then did Bhaktipada relax his grip. Finally, let me describe my own pastime with Bhaktipada. By Krishnas inconceivable mercy, I was on the night crew with Kumara early Wednesday morning. Ordinarily, except for Kuladri and Umapati, who are with Bhaktipada twenty-four hours a day, devotees are only allowed a 15-minute darshan, and then only once every two hours. Kumara and I had the privilege of spending the entire night with our beloved Lord and Master. He had the first shift with Bhaktipada, beginning at 10 p.m., while I remained outside in the intensive care waiting room. At 1 a.m. Kumara returned and asked me to relieve him. Together, we entered Bhaktipadas partition and I asked, What should I do? and he replied, You can read softly to him if you like, but whatever you do, always remain forever by his side. As Kumara left to take rest, I closely studied Bhaktipada as he lay resting in the hospital bed. His head was bandaged and his eyes were shut due to swelling. Although he was breathing on his own, there were many tubes and wires everywhere, to monitor and assist his bodily functions. Suddenly my head began to spin and perspiration appeared all over my body. I was fainting! My system had taken quite a shock, after seeing Bhaktipada in such a condition and I couldnt maintain my balance. Luckily, Bhaktipadas male nurse, caught me slumping over and helped me recover my senses. Im such a basket case! I thought. What kind of a servant am I? The nurse then took Bhaktipadas temperature and offered to answer any questions I had. I asked him, Is Bhaktipada sleeping now? Umapati says that when Bhaktipada is taking rest, his breathing is steady. However, it seems that his breathing is slightly irregular now, and he is moving a little bit. But he evidently did not understand my question. He began telling me that Bhaktipada was neither sleeping nor awake. He was in a coma. I dismissed him. These hospital people! I thought to myself, They dont understand that the pure devotee is beyond the laws of the material world! He is always conscious of Krishna! Not only that, but the loving relationship between spiritual master and disciple cannot be impeded by any so-called impediment. Spiritual communication is not like material communication. Love cannot be limited or suppressed, even though apparently separated by great time or space. It was obvious that Bhaktipada was right here with me, completely awake in pure Krishna Consciousness and transcendental to the material world. How could I embarrass him by talking about his body right there in his presence? I just wanted to serve him, to please him. But how? I decided to take the chance that he was awake and glorify his wonderful qualities. I began softly chanting the Bhaktipadastakam prayers, which are very beautiful and inspiring. 2
chaitanya-sankirtan-dhama navyavrndavanam dhama praksitam tu

yenaiva tam sri-prabhupada-prestham sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam prajanukarsam prabhupadadevaprasadam adhyam vilasantam eva vaikuntha-dhameva manim tu yasmat sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam sri-krsna-varta-cayam aprameyam ajnapayaj jiva-kulam krpaluh gurupadesanugatir ya eva sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam sri-shrila-vrndavanaChandradevabhaktam prasantam para-tositam tu subhotsaham suddha-matim sukham ca sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam dharmam param bhagavatam nibodhan bhaktan sada sasti sutarka-nathah sri-krsna-padambuja-samsrito yah sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam saubhagyavan rupa-sanatanadisiksayutatma prabhupada-dasyah bhaktaih stuto yah paramarjavo vai sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam samsarinas carvita-carvanan yah sammajjavaty eva krpambudo vai sri-krsna-premabdhi-vare mrte tu sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam santis tu yasya prabhupada-siksanisthapi daksyam tapa isa-bhaktih sarvesu lokesu suhrt-svabhavah sri-bhaktipadam satatam stumas tam

I began gently massaging Bhaktipadas hand and speaking the English translation to him, glorifying his wonderful attributes.
Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada! You are very dear to Srila Prabhupada because of your spontaneous love and devotion, the mature fruit of which is the New Vrindaban project, which is boldly preaching the glories of Lord Caitanya all over the world! This love that you have for Srila Prabhupada has blossomed as the gem of Srila Prabhupadas Palace, the effulgence of which shines brilliantly throughout the universe. In this way you are attracting every conditioned soul to the spiritual world by manifesting the opulence of Vaikuntha right here on this earth. Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada!

Let me offer prayers in worship of you, Srila Bhaktipada. You are delivering the message of the absolute realm to every soul in this world by fulfilling the order of Srila Prabhupada to establish New Vrindaban as a model Krishna Conscious community in the western world. You possess all the qualities of a pure devotee, you are always self satisfied and you always carry Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra in the core of your heart. In this way you enliven and enthuse us in the blissful service of their Lordships. Let me always glorify your transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. You fully know the meaning of the scriptures and you always enliven us in the transcendental science of Krishna Consciousness. By your undefeatable logic, you firmly establish the truth of bhagavata dharma and defeat all concocted interpretations of the Absolute Truth. Let me sing about your unlimited transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. You appeared in this world simply for the purpose of helping to spread the mission of the gosvamis. From the very beginning, you were the first to help Srila Prabhupada in every aspect of his preaching. Let me sing the glories of Your Divine Grace. You are overflooding the dry desert of this world with krishna prema, which is pouring unlimitedly from the ocean of your heart, like the great rain cloud which refreshes all living entities. You are completely fixed in the instructions of Srila Prabhupada, determined to execute them, fully controlled, an ocean of wisdom, always peaceful, expert, grave, effulgent, friendly, and completely detached. All these are simply a drop in the unlimited ocean of your transcendental qualities, Srila Bhaktipada. Please let me remain forever by your side.

As I was offering these prayers to my spiritual master, sitting next to him and holding his hand, suddenly I realized, His eyes are open! Bhaktipadas eyes are open! His eyes, which were shut due to swelling, were now open about half way, and I could see his pupils gazing at me I Blissfully, I glorified him and dedicated myself eternally to his service. Suddenly, a gaggle of nurses entered to run some routine tests and one of them noticed that Bhaktipadas eyes were indeed open. She moved her hand in front of Bhaktipadas face and he blinked. Did you see that! Everyone was gladdened by this simple indication of Bhaktipadas gradual recovery. Unfortunately, they then proceeded to perform their bothersome tests on Bhaktipada, some of which are annoying and even painful. He tries to resist by twisting and moving about. His breathing is labored and heavy, but he is much to weak to stop them. When they were finally finished and left us alone, I thought, Bhaktipada needs some rest. Can I help him to relax? Why not play a tape of Prabhupada singing Hare Krishna? I tried to turn on the tape recorder, but couldnt reach it without letting go of Bhaktipadas hand. However, when I tried to pull myself away, his grip tightened and I was unable to leave his side. Perhaps, he doesnt want me to play the tape just now, I thought. I still wanted to soothe him, so I began softly singing:
namah om visnu padaya krsna presthaya bhutale srimate kirtanananda swamin iti nomine namaste bhaktipadaya prabhupada priyayate lilaksetram param dhama stapitam yena pascime jaya sri krsna caitanya prabhu nityananda

jayadvaita gadadhara srivasadi gaura bhakta vrnda hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare

I chanted for an hour or so while Bhaktipada rested. Looking at my watch, I noticed it was 4 a.m.. Oh, its time for arotika at Prabhupadas Palace, I thought. Why not take Bhaktipada on a little tour? So I began describing to Bhaktipada how the devotees were assembled in the kirtan hall at the Palace, chanting japa. I described the blowing of the conch, the ringing of the bells, the dimming of the crystal chandelier, and the opening of the heavy wooden doors to Prabhupadas altar. Jaya Srila Prabhupada! the devotees cried out after seeing their spiritual master sitting regally upon his throne. How glorious Srila Prabhupada is, dressed in satin and velvet garments, decorated with jeweled tilak and dazzling ornaments, garlanded with pearl necklaces, bedecked with golden mace and crown! Then I began softly chanting:
samsara davanala liddha loka tranaya karanya ghanagana tvam praptasya kalyana gunarnavasya vande guro sri caranaravindam

I was hoping to bring a little pleasure to my spiritual master, and Bhaktipada accepted ray offering and reciprocated with me by resting peacefully. How can I describe the transcendental emotions I was feeling for him? After mangala arotika was over, we left the palace and drove to the temple for Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandras arotika. We entered the temple room as all the beloved residents of New Vrindaban offered heartfelt obeisances to their Lord and Father, Srila Bhaktipada. Suddenly the conch sounded, the pujari bells rang, and the altar doors dramatically parted, revealing the divine forms of Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha-Vrindaban Chandra. We blissfully prostrated ourselves on the floor and offered our reverent obeisances. Upon seeing the Deities, I painted a picture in words for Srila Bhaktipada describing the incredible beauty of Vrindaban Chandra. I described the gorgeous array of His garments, their rich colors, His jewels decorations, the turban on His head and the peacock feather in His hair. I described His flute, and the beautiful melody which is so enchanting that upon hearing its vibrations all moving entities become inert, and all non-moving entities dance. I also described the dress and incomparable beauty of Srimati Radharani, Krishnas dearmost confidant and lover. I described Radhas inconceivable love for Krishna, and the highest degree of surrender that the gopis express for Krishna. As I was relating these descriptions of the spiritual world, Bhaktipada began stirring his arms and legs. In fact, he began kicking so much that I had to constantly pull his blanket back over his chest. After a while, I began the samsara prayers, thinking that Bhaktipada was in trance, appreciating the beauty of Krishna and His beloved Radharani. There is no doubt that Bhaktipada is situated in the topmost position of pure love of God and that he is relishing the association of the beautiful cowherd boy in Goloka Vrindaban. He knows Krishna. He plays with Him, dances with Him, and serves Him selflessly, faithfully, for all eternity. Out of compassion, he is trying to teach me what he already knows: Give up this miserable world of suffering! Renounce your silly desires for sense gratification, honor, independence and liberation, and just surrender to Krishna! Chant His holy name, engage in His devotional service, and go back to Him, back home, back to Godhead!

Come with me! Follow me and we will journey to Goloka Vrindaban, back to our beloved Friend and Master, Govinda, who is sitting on the bank of the Yamuna playing His flute so wonderfully! Cant you see Him, frolicking with the cowherd boys, chasing their calves through the verdant fields? Why do you not give up your petty desires for comfort, your foolish enviousness of your godbrothers, and your stubborn persistence to be independent? Dont you know that you are only needlessly prolonging your misery? Time is running out! When will you learn? Become humbler than the grass, more tolerant than the tree, and only then will you chant the holy name in ecstasy and all your offenses cease. Chant Hare Krishna and be happy. Preach strongly and never compromise the pure teachings of Lord Krishna and His confidential ambassador, Srila Prabhupada. Remain loyal and faithful to God and guru, for only by pleasing the spiritual master can you please Krishna. Worship the spiritual master as good as God, for this is instructed by Krishna Himself, and forever become his menial servant. Wont you help me build a magnificent temple for Radha and Vrindaban Chandra? Wont you go out and reach the poor conditioned souls, rescue lakshmi and participate in Lord Caitanyas sankirtan party? Wont you become an upstanding citizen in our New Vrindaban Community, upright in character and strict in behavior? Only when our residents exhibit the qualities of a first-class Vaishnava, will our model Krishna Conscious city shine like a beacon in this dark age of kali, proclaiming the glory of God and rescuing all of suffering humanity from the deadly clutches of the maya witch. Lets help to fulfill the prophecy of Lord Caitanya, so His name will be chanted in every town and village! Come with me, together we will glorify Lord Krishna and once again go back to Him, to eternally love and serve Him in His own abode. Follow in my footsteps, remain forever by my side, and I will guaranteeyou a place with Him. Do not fear, for He is our very dear friend. Just then Umapati walked in and announced, Hrishikesh, its five oclock and you must be very tired. Youve been up all night. Please take rest. Ill take over now. He insisted. Reluctantly, I left Bhaktipadas side and returned to the waiting room where Kuladri and Kumara were still sleeping. I collapsed on the sofa, not realizing how tired I actually was. I lay down and thought of the great love all the devotees at New Vrindaban have for Srila Bhaktipada. I lamented about my inability, after many, many years of chanting Hare Krishna, to surrender myself cent per cent to the lotus feet of my spiritual master and taste this love which is so apparently relished by my godbrothers. Before it is too late, let me vow to seriously take the instructions of my spiritual master in my heart, and follow in his footsteps with my life and soul. Let me strive to dedicate myself to his mission, and not to embarrass or hinder him by my immaturity. Let me eagerly take on more and more austerities and more and more responsibilities and more and more headaches for his pleasure. For it is only by becoming completely pure in heart, word and deed, that one can completely satisfy the spiritual master by spontaneous loving service. Only then can we remain forever by his side, and follow him back home, back to Krishna. All glories to His Divine Grace Srila Bhaktipada!

1 2

See Bhaktipada Is Struck Down at http://henrydoktorski.com/nv/Bhaktipada_Is_Struck_Down.doc. The Bhaktipadastakam prayers were eight Sanskrit verses in glorification of Bhaktipada which had been written by a devotee poet, Kusakratha dasa, who lived at New Vrindaban for some time in 1981.