Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me during the writing journey, especially to all the enthusiastic readers

and Facebook followers. Thank you to my proof-readers, and also a special thanks to my editor, Marlene, at FirstEditing.com. Your time, comments, and suggestions were appreciated more than I could ever express. Cover photos are exclusively owned by Aleksandar Todorovic | Dreamstime.com and Nyul | Dreamstime.com, and were legally obtained for commercial use by purchase of royalty free licenses. A special thanks to both and to Picmokey.com (for helping me pull it all together!). Lastly, to the little man who holds the key to my heart, my baby boy Joseph. Mommy couldnt go on without your love. Thank you for being my biggest fan.

Acknowledgements

Fear of Falling Tracie Puckett

Published by Tracie Puckett at Smashwords Copyright 2012 Tracie Puckett Smashwords Edition, License Notes Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

Dammit, Mohr! Todd McCray slammed his closed fists down on the desk, sending a light weight stapler flying into the air. I told you I don't have time! He chucked a thick book across the room as I let myself into his oversized corner office. Get the hell out! I just need a moment, sir. Something important has come up Out! I am a strong woman, but I find it necessary to remind myself not to condone my boss' sometimes childish temperament. Sadly, I've been guilty of negating that reminder with the fact that it's almost impossible not to overlook the negative qualities of a man as tall, dark, and sexy as Todd Harrison McCray, Attorney at Law. Do you not understand basic English? I said get out! I apologize, Mr. McCray, I said, raising my chest and pulling my shoulders back with confidence. I understand you're busy, but I do believe you should know What? he asked with a hint of sarcasm lingering in his voice. The water cooler needs refilling and you're too damn weak to lift a twenty pound bottle off the floor? No sir, I said, taking a deep breath and dismissing his condescending jab. Working for Todd McCray for the past six years had prepared me for about every type of sarcastic comment, temper tantrum, or verbal threat he might throw my way. If you can take just a few seconds Stop, he interrupted, taking the opportunity to throw his muscular arms in the air. I'm up to my ears in dead-end research. Judge Summers is breathing down my neck for a reasonable justification on the Cole case extension, and I haven't stepped outside this building in over seventy-two hours. The last thing I need is you busting in here without rhyme or reason to interrupt what little progress I've managed to make I'm only asking for a moment Last warning, Mohr. Get out of this office, or I can guarantee to have your replacement here by the end of the day. I couldn't count the number of times he'd threatened to fire me over the past month let alone during the six years since I'd taken the position. He and I both knew, despite the threats, hed never push me out the door. Somewhere, possibly buried in the deepest depths of his soul, Todd McCray had always had a special place for me. Gabe Reilly was here to speak to you earlier, I said, going in for the kill. Gabe who? Gabriel Reilly, sir. He's been your wife's business partner and most trusted colleague for four years. You met him on numerous occasions when the firms teamed up on the Jackson case Your point? He leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his dark hair. Todd. My voice cracked. I dropped my shoulders and prayed for a quick and painless delivery. I hated being the one to break this to him Gabe was here to serve you with papers, sir. Mrs. McCray has filed for divorce. I watched with anticipation as he sat quietly and swayed back and forth in his over-stuffed leather chair. I waited for him to thrust another book in my direction. I could almost hear the curse words drudging up on the tip of his tongue. I squinted and peeked through half-closed eyes, bracing myself for his typical McCrazy McCray lunacy. After nearly twenty seconds of dead silence, Todd lifted his head to meet my gaze. Divorce papers, huh? He stood up and walked quickly toward the door wearing a genuine smile. Well why didn't you say so sooner? He turned back and looked at me with hope glistening in his eyes. Can you grab my coat, Meg?

I stared at him dumbfounded. I wanted to be surprised by his reaction to the sudden and unexpected end to his marriage, but I couldn't bring myself to think about anything other than the fact that he'd just addressed me as Meg. Never, not once in my six years at this firm, had Todd McCray ever called me by my first name. Your coat? I asked. My coat, he said again. We're getting out of this office. I have a life to start living. Meg A warm sensation coursed through my body. Are you okay? He waved his hand in front of my face. I shook my head to clear the fog. Perfect, I answered, walking across the room to fetch the coat from the wooden rack in the corner. I turned back to find him leaning in the open doorway, still wearing a perfect smile. Where would you like to go? he asked. We could go for a movie, grab a bite, take a stroll through the park Mr. McCray Todd Todd, I said quietly. We can't leave. The Cole case proposal Screw it, he said, reaching over to take the coat from my arms. He wrapped it around his body in a few swift motions and raised his eyebrows. What's your pleasure, Miss Mohr? I think I'll stay put, but thanks Youre not going to come along and keep me company? No I have four words that I think will change your mind. Two weeks paid vacation. Crap, I said, stomping out of his corner office. Of course hed resort to bribery. Todd had a way of knowing exactly what to say to get what he wanted What are you waiting for? Let's go. I didn't need to turn back to know he was wearing a winning smile as he trailed behind me. Where are we going? I asked as we pushed through the door of the office and stepped into the white marble corridor. He shrugged his shoulders and grinned. He moved forward and pressed a button to call the elevator to the fourteenth floor. The silver doors opened moments later. Have you ever hit every button? Todd asked as we stepped inside. He pulled his coat closer to his body and leaned against the side wall as I pressed the button to take us to the first floor. No sir, I said, taking a deep breath. I normally take the stairs My sentence was interrupted by the sound of my boss running his fingers up and down each row on the panel. Every button glowed from the dull, yellow backlight. You realize this means were going to stop at every floor from here to the lobby What's the rush, Meg? It's only fourteen floors. I stared at Todd McCray in disbelief. What had gotten into him? Ten minutes ago he was ready to send me packing and call in my replacement. You know what I think? Todd asked as the doors opened to reveal the thirteenth floor of the building. You take life too seriously. I take life too seriously? I asked. Me? Really, Mr. McCray See? he asked. Even now you're getting worked up about nothing. The door closed and the elevator began to move once again. We stopped on floor twelve, then eleven, and eventually ten without picking up another soul. Part of me wanted to pummel him for giving into his childish instincts and pressing every button down the panel. At this rate, our ride to the main level would take at least five minutes.

The overhead lights flickered. The elevator began to rattlejoltshake uncontrollably before screeching to a dead stop somewhere between floors ten and nine. No. Oh, no this cant be happening Well, Todd said, sliding down the wall and taking a seat on the carpeted floor below him. Might as well get comfortable, Meg. This happens more often than youd think. I assure you its gonna be a while. His voice was soft and kind and his eyes were full of hope. I stood against the opposite wall and looked down at him. He raised his eyebrows and patted the empty space next to his side. Well? What are you waiting for? I didn't dare answer his question; nothing I could say would be remotely coherent. I couldnt imagine what itd be like to sit so close to Todd McCray. I could barely control my heart rate as he looked up at me and smiled. The smell of his overpriced cologne filled the small elevator, despite the fact it should have worn off after a few days of him sitting around the office without a trip home. My heart remained heavy and my breathing no longer seemed natural. My toes involuntarily curled inside my plain, black pumps. Every hair on my arms stood tall. Something in the air changed. My mother always said I'd feel it when it arrivedthe inevitable moment when the world would stop turning and everything around me would point me in the direction of my future. She was right. This was that moment and in this moment I learned what it meant to be truly terrified. ...terrified of plummeting ten floors to an untimely death. ...terrified of starving if the plummeting happened later, rather than sooner. ...terrified of not knowing if I'd ever see the light of day again. ...but mostly terrified of the feeling boiling deep inside of me. Terrified... that I might be falling in love with Todd McCray. I slid down the wall opposite Todd and stared at him from across the elevator. She won't even sit next to me, he said to himself. He smirked and dropped his head. You really hate me, huh? Ha! If he only knew the things I'd suppressed over the past six yearsa lot of emotions, but hatred wasn't one of them. Despite his occasional outburst and frequent mean-streak, Todd McCray had also been blessed with a kind and endearing side one that rarely showed itself, but was worth waiting around to catching a glimpse of. I wouldn't say hate, I finally said to break the lingering silence. Loathe, abhor, detest Mr. McCray, I snapped, throwing my hands in the air. If you must know... I tolerate you because I must, but I have little respect for how you treat the people around you. Youre worried youre going to miss dinner with your family, he said, ignoring my insult. Am I right? Dinner isn't for another six hours, and I doubt well be stuck in this elevator for how did you know about my family dinner? You take a cab out of the city every Friday night, he started. Your two older sisters live in Jersey, not far from your mom, and you feel guilty because she sees less of you than your siblings. Todd scooted across the elevator and slid in close to my left side, leaning his back against the closed doors. Now, I'm not sure if your dad is still in the picture Mr. McCray Todd, he corrected me again. And no, I'm not spying on you. You told me all that yourself I scoffed. When did I ever Six years ago, he said, matter-of-factly. You walked into my office and the first thing you said to me was, I hear you have a reputation for scaring off secretaries. Today that stops; I'm

here for the long runget used to it. I'll be here at 8am every morning and I'll stay as late as I need to each night Except for Fridays, I said, remembering the rest of the conversation. Meg, do you know that you're the best assistant I've had? Well, that's hardly a fair statement, I said, surprised by his unusual effort at flattery. You didn't give the other girls a fair chance. Besides me, what's the longest any of them lasted? He ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe a week Exactly. Why did you stay? he asked. You needed me, I started. Stress gets the best of you. You just... needed a person to throw things at; literally and metaphorically. He bit his lip and looked at me from the corner of his eye. Did I ever hurt you? Physically? I shook my head. Not once Emotionally? Like I said, I knew you didn't mean anything That still doesn't make it okay, he said. I shrugged. It is what it is. Todd closed his eyes and took in a long, deep breath. His mouth may not have said much, but his body language was apologetic and remorseful. Its way overdue, Meg, he started. But I am truly sorry I know. We sat in silence for a few minutes, both of us seemingly unsure of what else to say. Can I ask something? I asked, taking the chance of overstepping boundaries. Sure. Do you have any idea why she's divorcing you? He half-laughed and shook his head. There aren't enough hours in the day to count the reasons, sweetheart. A term of endearment from Todd McCray I admired the smirk on his face as he stared at the opposite wall. You don't seem too upset for a guy who just learned his wife is leaving him. When you don't love the woman you're married to, Meg, it makes it a lot easier to walk away. I'm no expert at this, but if you didn't love your wife, why not divorce her? Why wait around for her to make the first move? He shrugged. I thought his shrug would be the extent of his response until he cracked his knuckles and leaned forward. I was raised by a single mother, he said. My father left her long before I was born. She was his first of nine wives Nine? Nine, he continued. With pockets lined deep with family money, and years as a high paid executive for the Waterston firm, there wasn't a woman in the city who didn't want her chance at his fortune. Even at his own weddings, he scouted for his next bride. He was always one step ahead. He treated his marriages like a weekend carnival; the idea was intriguing, the rides were fun, but at the first sign of boredom, he was ready to pack up and find the next hotspot. Todd, youre nothing like your father I've tried telling myself that for years, he said, resting his head on the elevator doors behind him. I promised myself I'd never end up that shallow and unhappy. I wanted to prove to mom that I could be different, but the harder I tried to be less like him, the more like him I became. For God's sake, the only person in my life who has cared to stick around is the one

person I've worked my damnedest to push away. If that doesn't make me my father, then I don't know what the hell does? I took his hand in mine and caressed the top of his fingers with my thumb. He looked away from the wall where he'd been staring and met my gaze for the first time in several minutes. His eyes filled with tears as he looked down at our hands. All he wanted was for someone to love him for the person he is. I could see that now and I wanted to be that person. If it helps, I started, trying to keep my thoughts from going too far astray. My dad was never the world's greatest father either. I'm sorry, he said, squeezing my fingers. Do you still see him? Every Friday night but you should already know that, I teased. Your parents are still married then? Thirty-five years and counting That's amazing It would be if mom enjoyed any of those years, I said. He was more faithful to his job than he was to my mother. I'm fairly certain the only reason she never left him was because of me and my sisters. Todd's hand fell limp. Some of us never learn, Meg. Dont give up on him just yet. Maybe he'll come around Doubtful, I said, feeling comfortable enough to open up about the one thing I'd worked so long to suppress. He's not exactly what youd call a pleasant person. He worked a lot, and it wasnt an easy job. He used to take a lot of his frustration out on my mother at the end of every day. He'd yell, and scream... throw things... I laughed, but nothing about the way I felt was funny. I wouldve given anything to keep him from hurting her. Meg... He took my hands again. God, Meg. I'm so sorry. I didnt know Can we change the subject? I asked, praying to push past the old memories. She left me for someone else, he finally admitted. I found out years ago that she was seeing a man in her office. I spent months hating her, drowning in my bitterness, but I couldnt do anything. The affair carried on for years. I'm sorry I'm not, he said genuinely. I've waited too long for this day. I still dont get it, I said. Why not end it when you found out? No, he shook his head. I've already proven I'm enough like him... I couldnt divorce her. I couldnt give up. I bit my lip and tried to look past the hurt in his eyes. Well, if nothing else, I guess this marriage has taught you one thing. What? he asked. If you ever get married again, you can't settle for anything but true love. He smirked. If I ever get married again? Let me get through one divorce at a time Now stop that, I said, playfully flicking him in the nose. The lights above us flickered several times before completely dying out; the elevator fell into pitch black. I couldn't see Todd, and unless he had incredible night-vision, I assumed he couldn't see me either. His arm fell across my shoulder as he snuggled back against the wall and pulled me close to his side. Meg, he whispered, tightening his hold on my body. Are you scared of falling? Terrified, I said, sinking into the warmth of his arms. You? He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head and stroked my hair. Not anymore I fell a long time ago, sweetheart.

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