MADE FOR YOU Dora Achieng Okeyo Smashwords Edition 2012

I want him back. I know that he left because he had to. I know he left when it was time. I know that I am stupid because of this. I cannot live a lie. I want him back. I want things to continue from where we left them. His name is Luke, mines May. It has been two years May, get over it! Thats the voice I hear every day. It belongs to Alice. Alice is the only one who saw me cry over Luke. She is the one who warned me about him. She is the only one who knows of what happened. How? I often ask when she tells me to move on. You can write a whole book for Chrissake! Cant you just forget one man? He is alive Alice. I will find him that much I can promise you. Just shut up May, and get out of your slumber and get a job! She gets on my nerves at times. She is my friend, her honesty keeps me alive. Every time we meet this is what happens. She tells me I need to let go. I tell her I need to hang in there. She always reminds me that it has been two years. Between the two of us, Alice is the better writer. She is the one whos gotten published. I love her stories and books more than anyone else. She never lets it get to her. I write various things. I write about shoes, clothes, food and at times even pets. We share lots of things in common with Alice-amongst them our love for beverages. She loves coffee while I enjoy chocolate. I walk into the kitchen to make breakfast. I pull out the bucket and start scrubbing the kitchen floor which needs a shine. I sing along to Breathing by LifeHouse. I scrub the floor till

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my back and fingers call for a time out. I clean the floor and then rinse the bucket in the washroom. In a moment of love, the floor calls out to me. I lie there, my left hear on the cold tile, my feet coiled. My eyes see one person. He walks up to me and says hey stranger. I smile and reply hey you. His eyes are brown. He is six feet tall and fair skinned. He smiles back at me. Pain dwells in his eyes. The kind of pain that makes the heart writhe, the soul hopeless, and devours beauty. I think of him. I do what I can- I cry. I cry softly at first, and then I let out the pain. I am brought back to reality by the alarm. I get up and switch it off, but skid on my tears later. As my buttocks hit the floor, his laughter fills the air. I need to meet Alice. She got me a job as a columnist for a Church magazine. She wants me to write about love and relationships. They pay well. I could survive on that amount. She told me she wanted me to meet the Pastor. I accepted the offer because I need to pay my bills. I cannot live off my parents after getting a degree. She knows very well that I love to help. She is using that against me. I wear my grey official dress and drink to a beautiful day. I leave the room ten minutes later. I need to get a loaf of bread. Some of the girls here are staggering back from a night out. Their heads bobble as they struggle to get to their rooms. Some of the guys have their trousers on their knees as they curse at the sun. I walk nimbly past them at the stairs. I stay here because it is cheap. I need someplace cheap to make ends meet. I am glad that research job secured me rent for three months. Luke and I met at a book festival. He was walking from one stand to another talking to the publishers. I was looking for a publisher, but all of them were pigs. They had their noses up in the air. Their stands displayed books by writers who had never stepped foot in Kenya. Their eyes looked at those who drove in, not those who walked in. Money, they say, is the root of all evil. Man is the root of all evil. I walked from one publishers stand to the other, making inquiries. They all said they were not accepting submissions. I made a mental note not to publish in the
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country. If they were all packed with submissions, why did they release only less than twenty books a year? I was drowning in my disappointments when I bumped into Luke. Sorry. Its okay, I wasnt conscious of where I was going Sir, sorry. Luke. What? Its Luke, and which book do you think I should buy? None. I smiled and stepped back. He smiled and then looked at the gates for a while. He turned to me and said, Would you like to have some lunch? Youre serious. Yes, I am. So is that a yes? Id love to. We walked out of the grounds and into the restaurant across us. We stopped by the entrance and walked into another. We both wanted some meat-the first place was for vegetarians. He had chicken stew and some ugali. I had chicken stew and rice. I ended up eating off his plate and he did the same to mine. That was our first meeting. On the way back he asked if he could see me again. The first thing that came to mind was he was joking. Do you have a wife, girlfriend, fiance or are you looking to cheat on someone with me? He stared at me for a second, but it felt like a century then smiled. I am not. I am single and I enjoyed your company May. I would like to do this again, if thats okay with you. Id love to. Thank you, so, shall I drop you home?
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No thanks, I will make my way home and see you on Tuesday. I left as soon as hed saved my number on his phone and stopped only to catch my breath at home. I told Alice about him and she clicked. She warned me about having my head in the clouds. I met Luke five times after that before we officially became a couple. He told me one night, a month down the line I am glad I met you. Thanks Luke, Im glad youve treated me well. He laughed and then held my hands in his. From our first date, I knew you were special May. Dont get me wrong here, but you are beautiful, honest, you eat, you dont mind watching a game with me, or going to the market and all-thats really special. I blushed away as he showered me with compliments. He told me he loved me every time he could. Alice did not like him. She said it was her sixth sense. She told me to keep off. I did not listen to her. Our relationship lasted a year. In that time I spent only the weekends with Luke. At times I spent a whole day with him. He was a business consultant for an airline. He seemed to know so much about consumers than I did. He would be in and out of the country in a blink of an eye. Alice insisted there was something weird about him. I believed in our love. I believed in Luke. I met his Mother one Saturday afternoon and she was apprehensive. The first thing she asked me was how long will you stick around? It was that afternoon that I learned Luke had a string of girls. They were all over town. He never took them home, but his Mother knew about them. She was a bony woman with eyes that looked like a cats. Her nails were manicured and her make-up so real you could wipe it off her face. The woman could not smile, as her eyes ran from my eyes to my feet. The message was simple, I was not good enough for his son. I hated the way I allowed her to make me feel. I drowned my misery in a flask of drinking chocolate. Luke came over to my room that evening. It was ten minutes past eight into the night when he checked in. He stood by the door, till I asked him to come in. Hed never been
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in my room. I never let him in. I let him in that evening, because he looked forlorn. I did not call Alice as planned. Your room looks nice. Thank you, and what brings you here? I asked, gulping some drinking chocolate. He looked at me and smiled. Luke smiled a lot. I hated that about him. I mean, how happy could a guy be? He always smiled even when he ought to have smirked. Lets go out to dinner. Now? Are you sick or something? It is already some minutes after eight! I want to us to go out May, I already reserved a table at Ole Sereni, please come with me. Luke, you just dont expect to spring things up on me. I am a planner, you know I have other things to do, and to make it worse you were with me this afternoon, why didnt you say something? I did. Really? I do not recall hearing anything of the sort. May, please come with me. I want to apologize for the way my Mom treated you, but other than that she made me realize just how strong and beautiful you are. You stood there, and did not let her negative attitude get to you. I love that, so Id like to show you my appreciation by taking you out to dinner, is it still too much to ask? Give me five minutes! I jumped into the shower, got dressed and was out with him in ten minutes. He complained about the extra five minutes all the way to the hotel. Something was amiss that night. It was like our last dinner date. I knew that my sixth sense was right, but I was in love. I loved Luke. I loved being with him. I loved that he could piss me off, and then win me over with a smile. I loved that he knew how to be a spectator and a boyfriend. He got his suits
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right same for his jeans. There were instances where he looked at women that passed by and I felt jealous. There were times Id not answer his call after an argument and hed come looking for me. He even tolerated Alices mood swings. I hated how at times hed hold me so close Id barely breathe in public. That night, we talked about life and he told me about his family. It was the only time I felt his pain. I knew he had waited this long to let me in. Hey, I am sorry about what happened with my Mom. She acts tough. I lost a brother two years ago. His fiance up and left. We have never seen her. My Mother liked her. Shes been through so much. My Father left when I was in high school. He married a younger woman. I am sorry, that must have been tough. It was, at times I think my Mom needs to let go. Shes really a great person. What about your sisters? All of them live abroad. They believe talking to her via Skype is better. We havent seen them in six years. I have talked to my nephews and nieces via Skype. She never talks about them. Sorry. Dont be. We all need some struggles to overcome. I love you May. I love you too Luke, you know that. I dont know it, I feel it May, and thats why I pleaded that you dine with me tonight. I am not growing young, and I am glad that you bumped into me last year at that festival. I know this may sound rash, but May, all I ask for is a future with you. I am not perfect. I will get on your nerves. I demand attention, ask that you keep to your goals-and I would not quit hanging out with the guys. I love my beer and football. I love my Mother, no matter how grumpy she gets. I love my
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Sisters and my job, but I love you too. I want you to be in my present and future. We can sit back one day and look at our past memories and smile knowing weve weathered whatever storm we encountered. Lukewhat are you saying? I had all this written down. What I wanted to tell you Mayyou have to stop interrupting me. You do that a lot. Im sorry. You know I am not patient really, and you are freaking me out hereyou are, all May, marry me. Luke I said it May, will you marry me? I almost fell off my seat when he got down on one knee. The hotel staff stared at us. I could feel their eyes on us. My eyes were on him. I could hear Alices voice dont do it, but my heart kept screaming yes, and thats what I said. He slipped the ring in my finger and I started crying. I knew this was a huge step. I knew hed be good to me. I knew he loved me. Only thing I couldnt stop asking was why tonight? He dropped me home that night and wished me well. It was the last time I saw Luke. Its been two years. I still wear his ring. My heart still beats for him. I have met some great guys, but not him. There have been guys whove asked me out, but I turned them down. I took an oath that night at Ole Sereni. It was at 11:25pm when he proposed. I still see him on his knees. My heart accepted him. It would never accept any other man. I left the house after taking a few slices of bread. I walked into the restaurant and secured a seat near the window. I ordered a doughnut and cup of coffee and laid my portfolio on the table. Alice would be joining me in a few minutes.
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She walked in ten minutes later with the Pastor right behind her. She introduced us ordered drinks for us and got the meeting going. That was so like her-she never wasted time. Alice stuck to the bottom line. She was a yes or no person. She never accepted a maybe. She let us talk through the details of employment and pay. The Pastor also suggested that I help with the school. They had a high school and needed someone to help organize various talks and workshops for the seniors. I appreciated his offer. As he talked I realized that meant I would move into the school compound. He said they had a one room apartment that would be comfortable for me. Alice shot up, she will take it Pastor. I smiled and looked out the window. Excuse me May, are you married? I am engaged. Congratulations! That is good news, so would your fiance be okay with you staying in the school compound, because we need you on board. We went through your credentials and your church Pastor also gave in a good word, wed hate to lose someone like you. Like Alice said, I will move in this weekend. I know this is a good opportunity and I will do my best. My fiance would not mind. The Pastor begged his leave ten minutes later. He confirmed my consent and I was left with the queen of realism. You were crying again May. I was. It was exactly on this day two years back when Luke asked me to marry him. Exactly, it was two years ago. You need to let go May, its not doing you any good thinking about a man who just left without a word!

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I love him Alice and no matter what you say, it doesnt change that. I know he had to leave. I could see he was sad that night, I just wish I had asked him. I just wish I could go back and ask him to stay. He did not leave you pregnant May, so you can leave. Its not that easy Alice. You have never loved like this. What did the Mom say? In fact have you gone to see her? I have never had the guts to and I am thinking I ought to have. I want to see her today, tell her about my new address. The last time we met, I yelled at her for taking Luke away from me, how could I face her again? You are pathetic May! Just solve your problems, laugh again, and stop dreaming. These Kenyan men are dogs; they play around with you and dump you. I warned you about Luke. He was too good; he was too much of a gentleman. When you say yes, he leaves without saying goodbye. Pathetic, if I saw him I would chop his head off! Thats what I would do. You have let this go on for long May. Pick yourself up and move on! Get moving, stop moping here, I cant stand being around you when you mope! See you around Alice, thanks for being a good friend. I left the table before she could speak. Alice had always been bitter after her boyfriend cheated on her. At times I wished she were more considerate. I walked out the restaurant and headed to the Kencom bus station. I felt my heart skip a few beats as I made my way there. I used to walk looking down or staring right ahead. Nowadays I walk looking about me, in case I see him. I have often seen his face. At times it was in class, at times at church. I saw him in bookshops or supermarkets. I took in his scent wherever

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I went. I smiled on the outside, but mourned on the inside. I wanted him back so bad, I was losing all sanity. There were days I wished I had gotten pregnant with him. I would at least have his child to look at. I would feel closer to him. I tried emailing, texting, calling and all I got was silence. Where was he? Was he alive? Did someone kill him that night? Youd think this crazy but I asked about him at the police stations. I could not believe the people he worked with. All the Human Resources assistant told me was that they did not give information on their employees. I even told him I was his fiance. He told me a month later, not to implicate him, but he did not know where his boss was. They had directives and all, but no one saw him at work. He even told me that rumors were, he went on a mission. When I asked him about the mission, he only told me our company has many secrets, some that I dont even know about. He got fired three months later. The next time he got through to me, Lukes Mom told me to see her. She said if I wanted the truth, I would have to see her. That was then and now I am ready to hear what she has to say. I walked past the Kenya Commercial Bank and got into the buses scheduled for Karen. Ten minutes later as the bus took off, I felt my lungs grow small, and my eyes soaking. I did not know what to say. I was just some girl from a middle class home. I had three sisters and a brother. My parents were farmers. They depended on their land and nature did not let them down. I did not have much in my bank account. I stayed in a hostel where I paid six thousand shillings per month. My parents covered half of that. I did not dress in expensive clothes or wear make-up. My dream was to be a Teacher, and make some money to get me going. I did not wish to fall in love with a rich man. I did not ask more so that this rich man be Luke. I did not want a share of his wealth. I wanted him. I wanted him so bad; I nearly lost my head when he disappeared. I was reaching my goal. I just had a job that would ensure I sustained my family. I could afford two or more pairs of heels.
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I could walk into a restaurant and order juice that cost thrice the price of lunch at my hostel. I could stand beside Luke and look into his eyes and say I do. Only sad part, Luke was not there. I wanted the truth; I was ready to hear it. The bony woman opened the front door and led me to her living room. It was more of a hall to me. I stared at the Maasai paintings on the wall as she got me some tea. I am sorry about my reaction back then. It was improper. I hope you forgive me for that. Its in the past May. I knew you would come when you were ready. I watched her sit beside me and let out a sigh. I cried. I cried for the first time without feeling guilty. I knew Alice would condemn that, but it hurt seeing her. It hurt being a room full of Lukes pictures, yet he wasnt there. She held me so tight I choked in my tears. I kept crying till dusk. My parents often called me a cry baby. I could not hold back my tears. When I stopped she ushered me to the washroom. I took a shower then changed. She laughed; it was a beautiful hearty laugh. She noticed the shock in my eyes and said, what? You think I dont laugh? I nodded. She took my right hand and led me to the living room again. I know you have been through a lot. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you May. What? Would you just let me finish? Gosh, my Son was right. He talked to you about me? It was all he did. Now, back to what I was saying. You are a strong woman May. I know this for a fact because no woman your age would have waited for him. I mean, you even went out looking for him. I read your emails, heard your voice messages, and even got all the notes you

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left him at work. You have hurt long enough, but I am sorry that theres even more pain coming your way, question is can you take more pain? What are you s...saying? You heard me right May. I have no doubt that Luke loves you. Hes never stopped loving you, and if only that boy listened to me, Id be at peace here and hed be the one telling you all this. So, he is alive. Very much so, but I do not know if he is the same guy you fell in love with. What are you saying? I mean, is he here or not? Is he here? And why cant he face me? Be still May. He is alive, am sorry to say that he is not here. He will be back soon and when he comes he said he will seek you. I wish I could stop the pain or the waiting, but be patient. He has to face these issues and sort them out. See, its about his Father. The fool left us, but he did not know my son had a condition, yes he has one, and the only person who could save him was the fool. I know this sounds too radical, but Luke has been living a double life. Hes been acting as if all is well. He is not well. He is a mess. He was drinking himself silly, showing up with naked girls, and cursing away at everything. He met you. He thought hed just pick you up, but with time he knew you were special. Luke was rushed to the hospital the night he met you. Yes, I knew he was going to ask you to marry him. He told me before he left that he loved you. I did not stop him. He was in a coma for six months. He woke up and said he had to face his Father. His immune system is weak, first they said it was cancer, but now we do not want anything of the sort. We knew he needed a bone marrow transplant. He went abroad; sadly none of his siblings was a match. The only match was his Father. So why didnt he tell you? Luke is a baby

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and he will forever be one. Frankly speaking I am glad he is alive. Hes been in and out of hospices; even the doctors wonder how he makes it. He is in the UK now; he could barely talk under the influence of drugs. He was pathetic if you ask me. The day you stormed here accusing me of keeping you apart, he had resolved hed tell you-but he slipped into another coma. So you are dealing with a dying man May. My son is dying and hes been stupid for never telling you. Whatever happened after is still a mystery to me. I can only recall waking up hungry and in a rage. I snapped at everything in my way, including the cup that could not reach my lips! I did not talk to Lukes mother as I left. I cried all the way home. I packed my stuff and hired a pick up. I moved into the school that day, and received four files, each of them detailing what I was to teach. I would write articles for the church bulletin every Wednesday. The monthly magazine would allow me a feature page, on either relationships or parenting. I would have counseling sessions for career profiling for seniors and act as an assistant resident matron. They offered me thirty five thousand shillings at the end of the month. On the contract was a footnote that read, remember to give unto the Lord, for Hes the Giver of Life. I smiled at this and sat up all night reading. I did not answer any calls worse off from Alice. I tried one evening to take off Lukes ring, but I couldnt do it. I felt empty. I knew that I was fooling myself. I loved Luke. I loved him and what I asked myself was what I would do if he finally died. If I was Alice, I would have moved on. I would leave early and cause myself little or no pain. It was always there, just a thought. I worked as a slave for the first few weeks. The senior students took a toll on me. They asked me lots of questions and expected prompt answers. I was doing well with the bulletins. Alice kept her distance. I finally told her about Luke. She was sorry. She let me cry in her arms for a few hours. She asked me what I wanted. I told her that I wanted Luke no matter how short that love would
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last. She said Luke had all the money in the world that could save us a few more years. She said she was still mad at him. I asked her to give me time to sort things out and she laughed. She said she would do so. Thing is she kept calling to check on me every hour. I walked into my room that evening and sank in the chair. I stared at myself in the mirror right across the room and sighed. I did not know who I was. I did not know what to do. It was exactly two years, and three months since Luke proposed and walked away. I had hang onto the hope of seeing him all that time. Some people might think that two years is a long time. Truth is I am proud. I have my principles and I love Luke. I did not get into the relationship so he can complete me. I love him. I love the fact that I can share myself with him. I love the fact that he gets on my nerves that some days I cant stand him, but that he still holds onto the hope that I still care. I cursed as I looked at myself in the mirror. I changed into my pyjamas and set the kettle to boil. I would take some tea, a few slices of brown bread and sleep off another Lukeless day! I was making my way from the kitchen with tea in my hand, when someone knocked on my door. I looked at the time. It was 11:25pm. I had asked the Matron to drop by for the folders, but it was late. I walked to the door, and opened it. He was there. I slammed the door on his face, and then opened it again. He was there. His Mother was right behind him, and some three women. The security guard asked if I knew them. I told him Luke was my fiance. He smiled and then helped the others with their bags. I stepped aside to let them in. His Mother hugged me and whispered, you can do this May. Welcome to the family, my Daughter. I let out a shriek, and flung myself in his arms. I cried away the two years and three months of pain before looking into his eyes. God May, I know I dont deserve this, but if you would only

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Shut up Luke, and yes I forgive you, not because I can, but because I want to now-stop talking and come in. I love you May, God, I cant believe all this. I never meant any of this, if only I could turn back and set things right, if only Id have told you that night, if only It is okay, how long do we have? As long as we can, the bone marrow transplant was successful. I am a little weak, and will be on medication, so we have time. Good, now come sit and I will make you people supper. I hope you dont mind some sukuma wiki and ugali. That would be great dear, let me help you, and May, these three ladies here are my DaughtersLena, Grace and Margaret, I am glad they came home. And girls, shes May, my Daughter-inlaw, and before you start talking or asking her questions talk some sense in your Brother because if he ever hurts her again, hed have to face me! I stood there smiling. It was good seeing them, but I wanted to be with Luke that night. I wanted us to talk. I wanted to hear all about him. I started by saying that I want him back. I had him for a year, and lost him for twice as much. He came back. Call me stupid, sick or insane, but I love him. I love Luke. I have him back. I will spend every moment I have cherishing him, because my heart knows it to be so. I lay in his arms that night. I turned and saw him. He was there, he held me and I felt alive. The pain was still there. The pain still is, at times I see him and cry, because I cannot comprehend how he could just leave without a word. He looks at me at times and says at times May, I think you were just made for me.

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I often retort, dont you know it already Luke? I was made for you. ## About the author Some stories are too painful to be told. Others have to be told, so people can believe in good. The authors learned to share peoples true stories and add a twist to them. Read more at: www.dora-jodie.blogspot.com And also at: https://twitter.com/#!/herhar Her other works are available on www.smashwords.com

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