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Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (2006) (VG) Deadpool: The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation. Nah, actually, I got this way by volunteering for the Weapon X program. They promised to cure my cancer. And they cured it all right, by giving me an outrageous healing factor. Then they labeled me psychotic and tossed me into a prison lab. So I escaped and became what some people might call a 'mercenary'. I prefer the title 'cleaner of the gene pool'. And I've made a lot of good friends along the way: like Arcade. He's always sending me to his amusement park. Arcade: HELLO, Deadpool. Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld? Deadpool: Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills so bring on the rides! Arcade: Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here. Deadpool: I know! Carnivals always slay me. Arcade: No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist. Deadpool: Riiiiiight... So do you have bumper cars here? Arcade: Arrrgh! Deadpool: I just wish we could have been friends. Deadpool: [Leveling up] And now I'm better at doing whatever it is Wolverine does! Deadpool: Black Widow, I've gotta know... Are those real?

Black Widow: I beg your pardon? Deadpool: Ahh... Your teeth, they're just so darn shiny and straight. Deadpool: [Leveling up] Did I win a new car, too? Deadpool: Hey, did I enter the side show tent? 'Cause you look like the dog faced boy. Dark Spider-Man: Oh, you are a wit, Deadpool... or at least half of one. Tell me, do the chicks go for your insane babble? Deadpool: About as much as they go for your attempts at selfdeprecating humor. Dark Spider-Man: So then it doesn't work. Deadpool: [Badly hurt] I need help! And a pony! Deadpool: [after speaking with Nick Fury] Sir! Yes Sir! Stowing all stupid thoughts! Uh, is that vein on your forehead meant to be throbbing like that? Deadpool: [after Black Widow has told him that he's going to face Dr. Doom] Wait, we're going to fight Dr. Doom? No one told me we were going to fight Doom! I want my lawyer! I want my mummy! I want my lawyer's mummy! Deadpool: Whatever happens, remember to protect me. Deadpool: A haiku, by Deadpool: I hate broccoli / And think it totally sucks / Why is it not meat? Deadpool: I'm low on energy, but full of vitamin C!

Deadpool: I can't go that way, so stop shovin'! Deadpool: [about Weasel] Oh, yeah, he's totally trustworthy! Except where money's involved. He would sell his granny's walking cane for a buck. In fact, I bought his granny's walking cane for a buck! Deadpool: Weasel old buddy! Where have you been hiding out? Weasel: In the hospital, you stabbed me in the leg remember? Deadpool: Oh yeah, but I had to, you were trying to steal my last Cheesy Puff Weasel: It was my bag of Cheesy Puffs! Deadpool: That's not how I remember it. Ancient One: Who would dare disturb my meditation? Deadpool: Grampy, is that you? Wow, you got a lot older... and uglier too. Ancient One: You buffoon. I am not your grandfather. I am the Ancient One, teacher of Dr. Strange. Deadpool: Are you sure? You're really grouchy just like Grampy was. Deadpool: Hi, Black Bolt. How are ya? [Black Bolt says nothing] Deadpool: Oh, that's right. You can't talk can you? Your voice is so powerful, it would destroy half of Atillan if you said anything at all. [Black Bolt still says nothing] Deadpool: But c'mon, let's put that to the test. Just say one tiny word: 'Spatula.' [Black Bolt still says nothing] Deadpool: Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud. Come on, repeat after me: 'Spatula.'

Hulk Vs. (2009) (V) The Professor: Weapon X is indeed to have you back, Logan. We put considerable time and money into you. Deadpool: And pointy things. The Professor: You were our best operative, Wolverine. So disappointing. But you did lead us to Dr. Banner. Of course, you know him better as the Hulk. Deadpool: [reveals gun and ammo] I shot him in the ass. With one of these. What? I did. Bruce Banner: No! Deadpool: Yes. As in, "Yes, you're going to die." Bang! Just kidding. Deadpool: I can't believe it. I'm alive. I'm alive! [the Hulk lands on top of him] Deadpool: [weakly] Ow. Deadpool: Well, he's alive, but I think he's going to need some serious TLC. Sabretooth: The last thing the Professor said before the runt gutted him was for us to kill Wolverine. Deadpool: Really? Hm. [to Omega Red] Deadpool: You buy that? Yeah, you know, I would think the last thing he said was, "Ah, Sabretooth!" Omega Red: We kill Wolverine now. That is all that matters. Deadpool: Whatever you say, ponytail. Who am I to say no to a little murder. Strike a pose.

Deadpool: What do you say after the mission, we kill all of those floating babies? Omega Red: Do you ever shut up, Wilson? Deadpool: What? Babies creep me out. [Aims rifle, sings] Deadpool: Rock-a-bye Bang. Deadpool: Logan, we missed you. And Weapon X just hasn't been the same without you. Nobody calls me "bub" anymore. And Omega Red's a bed wetter. Omega Red: One day I will tear out your flippant tongue, Wilson. Deadpool: He's very ashamed. Wolverine: [to the Professor] What do you want with the Hulk? Deadpool: We just wanna help him find his happy place. Did you see how angry he was? I mean, I'm sorry, but come on. I think his pants are too tight... [Omega Red's tentacle wraps around his neck and starts choking him] Deadpool: [Omega Red drops Deadpool after choking him] I hate that guy. [Turns to Wolverine] Deadpool: Wolverine, you look so sad. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Lady Deathstrike tried to kill you when you were asleep. Wolverine: Better than having to listen to you. Deadpool: Man, does she hate you. I mean, we all hate you. But Deathstrike really, really, really hates you. Hey, still have that unbreakable skull? [Points gun at his head, fires. Screen turns black] Deadpool: Damn it.

Deadpool: [after shoving a grenade in the Hulk's mouth] And they lived happily ever after, except the Hulk. Wolverine: Bub, you just made him angrier. Hulk: Talking man hurt Hulk. Hulk rip off talking man's head! Deadpool: My head? Oh, crap. Wolverine: He's all yours, Einstein. Deadpool: [shoves grenade in Hulk's mouth] Who wants some snacks? You do. Deadpool: [Wolverine and Deadpool are running with the Hulk right behind them] Logan, I think we lost him!

X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse (2005) (VG) Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You. Deadpool: Everyone protect me! Deadpool: Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you to tiny shreds and then dance and spit all over your graves. Deadpool: Wow, this is really, really freaky! I could swear I know you from somewhere. Did we go to law school together? Deadpool: I know what you mean. I've seen you before, I just can't place your face. Weren't you in my oragami class last fall? Deadpool: Wait! I know where I've seen your face. In my mirror... every morning!" Deadpool: Heavens to murgatroide! That's it! You're me!

Deadpool: No no no no no no no, I beg to differ. You... are me! Deadpool: Come on. let's not quibble over such a huge philosophical conundrum here. What do you say when you meet yourself? Deadpool: How about 'you're lookin goooood!' Deadpool: Works for me. Well, now I have to kill ya. Not that I want to, it's just a little something Mister Sinister ordered me to do. Deadpool: Are you ok? Deadpool: Me? I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you into tiny shreds and spit on all of your graves. Deadpool: I'm really good at killing. You might say it's my specialty. That and ballroom dancing. But guess which one I can actually make a living at. Deadpool: Somebody test this guy for steriods! Deadpool: [Upon defeating an enemy, pensievely] But did either of us truly win? Deadpool: EVERYBODY! Shield me with your bodies! Deadpool: [after defeating an enemy] Now gimme all your lunch money!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) Wade Wilson: Great, stuck in an elevator with 5 guys on a high protein diet. Wade Wilson: Oh Wade!

Wade Wilson: Dreams really do come true. William Stryker: Now just shut it! You're up next. Wade Wilson: Thank you sir, you look really nice today. It's the green, it brings out the seriousness in your eyes. Logan: Oh my God, do you ever shut up, pal? Wade Wilson: No, not while I'm awake. [from TV Spot] Wade Wilson: All I ever wanted was to travel to far off exotic places, meet new exciting people and then kill them. So I become a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do. Wade Wilson: I love this weapon more than any other thing in the whole wide world, and you wanna know why? Victor Creed: No. Wade Wilson: It's memorable. Sure it's a little bulky, tough to get on a plane. You whip out a couple of swords at your ex-girlfriends wedding. They will never, ever forget it. Victor Creed: That's funny Wade, but I've think you've mistaken me with someone who gives a shit. Wade Wilson: Granted, it's probably not as intimidating as having a gun, or bone-claws or the fingernails of a bag-lady... Manicure? Wade Wilson: Now see this is a real weapon. You whip out a couple of swords at your ex-girlfriend's wedding and let me tell you, people listen. People remember. Wade Wilson: Time to go to work. Wade Wilson: Okay. People are dead. William Stryker: If you didn't have that mouth of yours, Wade, you'd be the perfect solider. Wade Wilson: Okay... people are dead.

Wade Wilson: Fred got a new tattoo. I'm concerned. Logan: [looks at Fred's tattoo of a woman] Jesus, Fred, you just met her last night. Frederick J. Dukes: I love 'er. Logan: You love her? After one night? Frederick J. Dukes: She's a gym-nast.