Adolescence vs.

Youth

Recently, the American Paediatric Association assigned a task force to study the effects of the sexualisation of young women on self-esteem and the healthy development of girls and women. The group defined sexualisation as occurring when a person's sense of value came from their sexual appeal. They studied the stereotypes of young women currently presented by television, music videos, song lyrics, and the effects that these are having on the self-esteem, intellectual and emotional develop-ment of the new generation of women. The results of the task force were published along with warnings about the current promiscuous culture and the devastating consequences that is manifesting as self-destructive behaviour. As boys seem to mature at a slightly older age, one would expect this to offer some kind of immunity to the downward "tweening". The most serious consequences of tweening in boys are seen in the delinquency that would previously only have been associated with boys in their mid teens. Experimentation with drugs now begins at an early age; and there is increasing reports of criminal activity in this age group. A generation of children is at risk, and with them, even the concept of childhood.

Youth vs. Adolescent While the words adolescents and teenagers are widely used, we should also remember that they are social constructs: the behaviours that we have come to associate with them are specific to societies which allow this age group to be a period of experimentation and often deviant behaviour, accepted under the mantras: you only live once or they are still young. Significantly, in cultures where the risqu behaviour that we have come to associate with adolescence is not expected, much less accepted, such behaviour is not found. In many cultures across the world, youth in this age group have responsibilities to their family and their communities and are expected to demonstrate sound reasoning behind their decisions. Many are already economically active. While Islam recognizes youth, it also demarcates buloogh (puberty) as the onset of adult responsibility. First and foremost, the young Muslim is taught discipline regarding their responsibilities to Allah in the observance of their ibaadah, particularly fasting and salaah. These two serve to fortify the young believer by inducing discipline, teaching restraint and accountability. For a young Muslim, buloogh brings the opening of the books - the understanding that they will be held to account for all that they do on Yaumul Qiyaamah. The young Muslim is regarded as being Mukallaf accountable for all that they do. In a Muslim context, youth are reminded that their actions will bear consequences, and that all decisions have implications. While the terms adolescents and teens allude to experimenting with various identities, with different looks and different behaviours, youth alludes to wholesomeness, in line with the natural fitrah that

Attiya Gardee asks whether our children are growing up too fast - and examines the difference between adolescence and youth.
Remember growing up in the 80's? Remember the adventures we had biking around the neighbourhood, walking to the corner caf. If you were a teen in the '80s, chances are that you are currently the mother of a child approaching puberty. You have probably noticed a drastic change in the youth culture you grew up in and that your child now encounters. Due to the crime rate, children today hardly walk to school, let alone roam the streets to the corner shop. The realization has also probably dawned that kids are getting older at a younger rate. Ten Turning Sixteen Adolescence or teens used to refer to the age of puberty and the resulting physical and emotional development. But as the behaviours that we used to associate with youth in their teen years began to claim a younger age group, a new term was required. The term tween has been popularized and accepted by marketers and advertisers, educators and sociologists to describe the age group between eight and twelve. One generation ago, this age group would have been regarded as preadolescent. A generation prior to that, simply childhood would have sufficed. But clearly, the term childhood no longer holds for this age group. Today, tweens are targeted by marketers who realize that this age group has both the consumer interest as well as the power of persuasion to acquire the latest status symbols that afford them popularity in their peer group. But while we may complain about the provocative clothing tweens are wearing, someone is obviously willing to supply the cash.

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each of us was created upon. As the Quraan says in reference to Ashabul Kahf - the sleepers in the Cave: Indeed they were Youth who believed in their Lord, and We increased them in guidance. (Qur'an 18:12) Ahadith and Muslim history bear witness that youth is a period during which one can achieve a potent spiritual vibrancy. Troubleshooting Currently, it is not only Muslims but parents of all faiths that are seeking solutions to the youth culture our children are facing. Three themes emerge when we try to identify the causes for the downward trend towards early adolescence. First, a promiscuous media-driven marketplace, that presents adult concepts long before children are ready to deal with them. This is the decade of terms such as bootiliciousand eye candy; of captions instructing obey your thirst and the glamorization of terms such as naughty and obsession. Our understanding of words has changed, and with it, the way we understand the world around us. Second, the rise of the peer culture. With school classes being segregated in terms of ages, it is estimated that children spend seventy percent of their time with children born within a one year range of their birthday. Nuclear families increase as young

couples move away from their hometowns or even countries of origin, and with it, children have reduced exposure to the extended family. Instead of tribal socialization, or socialization through exposure to people of all ages, most of the socialization comes from their peer group. Third, the absent parent syndrome. With two income families on the increase to meet growing economic demands, more and more children return from school to a home in which neither of their parents are there to welcome them, much less to ask them about their day. Added to the demands parents face when returning home from work, to cook and maintain the house, spending quality time with their child often slips down their list of priorities. Sadly, most parents are motivated to work harder and earn more in the belief that they need to give their children the best of everything. So, cell phones and designer clothes become the norm, but are poor substitutes for the quality time that both children and parents require to bond and connect and to be a family. Preserving Childhood Innocence Our children do deserve the best that we can give them. The best is us: to give of ourselves, of our time, our attention, and mostly, our love. One of the greatest gifts we can give them is to try to build their sense-esteem on a principled value base: that, as a Muslim, as a creation of Allah, they have worth and value. A child who feels loved and accepted is less vulnerable to the need to be accepted by her peer group, and more likely to assert her own values when she needs to. What better time than this, Ramadhan and Eidul Fitr, to revive the tradition of the gathering of the clan, those

Preserving Childhood Innocence

gatherings of family and friends that embrace people of all ages. In contrast to the peer socialization our children face most days, the gathering of the tribes affords them the opportunity to interact with other ages, and in doing so, minimizes their dependence on the approval of their peers. In addition, it gives them a sense of belonging to a wider community that will prevent feelings of isolation or marginalization, that in turn gives rise to delinquency. We need to bring back the narrative: the tradition of telling stories. Stories of the Sahaba ( ), and of other Muslim heroes, satisfies the thirst we all have for heroes: those who by their principles and foresight, their valour and their wisdom have forever set for us standards of behaviour to guide our own. My children usually relish the tales I have

to tell them of my own childhood, and love to ask their grandparents about life in the old times. From the stories of other members of our family come lessons in fortitude, in steadfastness, in hope even in times of want and despair. They contrast with the sitcoms that present a crisis that is instantly resolved within a half hour. Beyond the stories of the antics we got up to, of the difference in technology between then and now, comes the stories of the family: they create a sense of belonging and a communal history that weaves each of us into its fabric. And within that fabric, Muslim youth can grow up strong and safe from outside pressures, secure in themselves and confident about their role in the big scheme of things.

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YoungHufadh

In South Africa, a very high percentage of the Muslim population, both males and females, have committed the Qur'an to memory. So great is the number of hufaadh, that in some towns there are not enough mosques to host the hufaadh to perform the tarawih prayers. Consequently, some hufaadh end up performing the prayer within their own homes, with family members and friends joining the nascent congregation. Several Muslim parents have come under harsh criticism from family members and peers for forcing their children to do Hifdh. A few months ago, I met a mother of two sons. The mother told me that her eldest son, who is just ten, is doing Hifdh and attending school. When I asked her if her son chose to do it, she responded, He has no choice. He has to do it. By the age of four, a child is able to mimic sounds, play with words and understand order and process. It is for this reason that parents try and teach their children as many things as possible at this young age. If they can learn the Qur'an and are progressing smoothly, why not encourage them to memorise more?

Mariam Akabor, a writer based in South Africa, asks if it is ever too soon to start memorise the Qur'an?

wenty-six-year-old Mohammed has been a hafidhul Qur'an since the tender age of twelve. He has been performing the tarawih prayers every Ramadhan for the past twelve years. When asked when he began memorising the glorious words of Allah ( ), he says, I don't actually remember. My Dada [paternal grandfather], who was also a hafidh, began teaching me when I was very young. Mohammed's parents continued to send him to school but realised that

schooling, combined with Hifdh classes, was not an easy task for an eleven-year-old. After completing Grade 5, Mohammed was sent to a Hifdh madressah (a boarding one) for one year to finish his memorisation of the Qur'an. Ayesha, a mother of three sons and one daughter, juggles a busy schedule that primarily involves dropping off and fetching her kids from school and madressah. Her eldest son, 16, is a hafidh and her second son, 14, started to memorise the Qur'an but could not continue after completing three chapters. He told me, Mummy this isn't for me and I could not force him. He said he'd never be able to manage performing tarawih. Ayesha tells me that her own father is a hafidh and he encourages her children to memorise the Qur'an.

Fathima, a mother to three teenaged daughters, is a hafidha. She committed the Qur'an to memory while still in her teens and tells me that it is not an easy task for any female. We become mothers and have to run a home and it is even more difficult because we menstruate. Sometimes there is no time to revise. Fathima was not eager for any of her daughters to do Hifdh but, ironically, all three are hafidhas today.

Reciting the Qur'an is one of the most important aspects of our Deen. We are divinely instructed to read, understand and act upon the glorious words of Allah (Subhanahu Wata'ala). The status that a hafidh holds is an eminent one in Islam. Prophet Muhammad ( ) said: He who recites the Qur'an, memorizes it, accepts its halal (lawful things) as halal and haram (forbidden things) as haram (i.e. his beliefs in these matters are correct), Allah Ta'ala will enter him to Jannah and accept his intercession on behalf of ten such persons of his family upon whom entry into Jahannum has become incumbent (i.e. Allah Ta'ala will forgive them because of his intercession). (Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Darimi). Usually when a child begins to memorise the Qur'an, he/she starts from the thirtieth chapter, where the surahs are shorter. If a

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parent notices that their child is memorising with ease, the most natural thing to do is to teach them the longer surahs. However, not all children are the same. Whilst some will take two days to memorise a surah, it would take others a week. Remembering the words of the Qur'an for the rest of one's life is a reality. The child needs to understand that the Qur'an cannot be forgotten, as it is a sin. Furthermore, we need to encourage memorisers of the Qur'an to try and understand the Qur'an. It is just not sufficient to learn if off by heart without knowing the meaning. Parents of children who are doing Hifdh have to sacrifice a lot. One mother I spoke to said that her fourteen-year-old son is home-schooled so it is challenging for her and her husband to ensure that their son is able to progress. She also pointed out to me that there seems to be competition amongst parents as to whose child can complete Hifdh the fastest. I think that sadly it has become a bit of a status thing and when that happens, the true essence of learning the Qur'an off by heart is lost. So how do you decide whether your child should memorise the entire Qur'an or not? Based on his/her progress at a young age? Should you even decide this or would you let your child decide? If I have a son, I'd teach him from a young age and see what happens from there, says Mohammed. Will Ayesha's third son also be doing Hifdh one day? Insha Allah. Ultimately it is up to him.

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