1998 Presidents AwArd reciPient

CareLinks
When a Horse is Not a Horse
suspect that you are thoroughly confused by this title. What does a horse have to do with caregiving? If you have a good memory, you may recall that in January 2007 I wrote an article titled A Horse is a Horse, Of Course followed by Farewell Barbaro in April. In these articles, I talked about Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro whose leg was broken in the Preakness and the subsequent failed efforts to save his life. I reflected on Barbaros dependency on humans to survive after his injury and compared it to our care partners need for us to thrive or survive. I mused, as well, that we sometimes see in our care partners a dauntless spirit comparable to Barbaros to prevail against the forces of nature. Well, here I am again reflecting on a horse and a lesson about caring. I typically make two trips to New York City yearly to enjoy live theatre on and off Broadway. During my last trip, I saw War Horse, which won the Tony Award for Best Play this year. After seeing the show, I understood why. The story begins in England in the early days of World War I. A farming family purchases a horse that Albert, their teenage son, names Joey and trains. As might be imagined, Albert and Joey bond and the rest of the show is about the strength of their bond and courageous effort to be together. Joey was the star of the play for me. The role of the horse was not filled by a live animal trained for the part. Rather, Joey was a series of puppets which were animated by four actors. The actors were very skilled at manipulating the puppet in life-like ways. In the audiences imagination and heart, the puppet was alive. It had personality and character. As the story progressed, the audience cared about the puppet just as much as the boy. There we sat, caring about a horse that was not a horse! I shall not betray the ending of the story, but I must tell you more before making my point about caring. Joey is sold by the boys father to the British cavalry. It is a painful separation for Albert and, I dare say, Joey. The young lad clung to the promise that Joey would be returned within months. But the months became years and Joey did not return. Underage Albert joins the British army and sets out to find Joey in the battlefields of France. After many separate struggles, Joey and Albert are within yards of each other. At a pivotal, dramatic point, Joeys life is at risk. Nearly everyone in the audience has tear-lined faces as we fear for Joeys life and a tragic end to a love story of a boy and a horse. The lady behind me loudly gasped, oh, no! A sentiment we all felt but were too reserved to cry out because we were choking back a fullfledged sob. You must see the show or the movie that was released in December to know the whole story or its conclusion. It is a powerful story that is worth the tears. If you see the play or movie, I think you will understand my brief commentary and its relevance to being a Care Team member. The story and the audiences identification with the characters illustrate our capacity to care about people and things; even when we are not directly engaged with them. After all, Joey was a puppet in the play. He had no life except for that which existed in my imagination and heart. The story of Joey and Albert opened our hearts, pulled us in, and when their story together was threatened, our hearts broke. Our tears told us that we cared about a puppet named Joey, a
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January 2012 Interfaith CarePartners Phone: 713.682.5995 Fax: 713.682.0639 E-mail: info@interfaithcarepartners.org Web Page: www.interfaithcarepartners.org

When a Horse is Not a Horse

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The play reminded me of the meaning and power of relationships of all types to bring us great joy and deep sorrow. These are inescapable prices we pay for allowing our lives to be touched and to touch other lives.

fictional boy named Albert, and a courageous story of determination to prevail against all odds. Here is my point. The chances of caring about someone are greater if we invest the time to learn their story. As I watched the early scenes of the first act of War Horse, I began to wonder why this show was awarded Best Play. The story line developed slowly. But, gradually, I became interested in the characters and marveled at the spirit of a puppet horse. I had to be patient to let the playwright develop the characters and tell the tale at a pace that enabled the audience to understand how each character fit into the narrative. My patience was rewarded. Joey, Albert, and the other characters and puppets (horses) became important to me. I felt myself caring about each one. What was happening to them mattered to me. When Joeys life was in jeopardy, I wanted to leap to the stage to save him. And, I suspect, others felt the same urge to go to his rescue. We cared about Joey. We cared about a puppet animated by four actors who seemed to disappear before our eyes as the show progressed. As we looked at the stage, we saw a live animal with personality and character, not a puppet and four actors. I vowed some time ago to avoid movies, books, and performances that I suspect will make me shed either sad or happy tears. I have wept and grieved enough through the years in my work. War Horse surprised me. I did not anticipate the plays and storys effect on me. Yet, I am grateful for it. The play reminded me of the meaning and power of relationships of all types to bring us great joy and deep sorrow. These are inescapable prices we pay for allowing our lives to be touched and to touch other lives. Think about your best friends. They were not best friends when you first met or talked together. You drew closer over time as you increasingly valued each other. From contact to contact, something occurred that drew you closer together. Your separate and combined histories grew richer. Two stories were woven into one new story unlike your story or relationship with others.

We treasure best friends who almost by necessity must be old friends. They stand the test of time. They are people we trust because they have earned it. Though much may change during our respective lives and distance may separate us, when we connect in person or by other means, time and distance have not weakened the bond. Our bond remains strong and our desire to be together, like that of Joey and Albert, propel us to reunite. As a Care Team member, you relate to people from all walks of life. You meet, usually, at a time of distress and vulnerability for your care partner. First meetings may be awkward. But, as you talk and spend time together, you begin to learn about the life of your care partner. And, your care partner learns about you. You identify interests or experiences that you have in common. A bond begins to form. You discover each others personality and character. You begin to enjoy and value one another. Like me not seeing Joey as a puppet supported by actors, you see the spirit of your care partner, not the physical or cognitive changes that are making her or him increasingly weak. My prayer is that each Care Team member will find the Joey or Albert in each of your care partners and each team member. Each has a story that will touch and enrich your lives, even if tears are shed along the way. Each will help you to grow spiritually and to gain wisdom. Each will help you learn how to live fully and how to die with grace. If we are capable of caring about a puppet in a story, cant we care even more about a person with a story? These blessings are there, but we usually have to invest time and effort to claim them. Along the way and in retrospect, you may realize in different ways and at different times how your care partners and their stories enrich your lives. Please dont miss these opportunities for blessings. Be open to the stories of others and share your stories with others. You will cherish these experiences. Go see the play or movie War Horse. But, go with someone with whom you are not embarrassed to cry. Dont forget the tissue and share some with those around you. You will be glad you went and others will be grateful for your charity!

Rabbinic Wisdom
The Jewish tradition is a rich resource for theological reasoning, religious devotion and practice, reflection on the human condition, and caregiving guidance. I read with appreciation the following story about two rabbis. It speaks for itself and both to Jews and Christians. The late Abraham Joshua Heschel and Jack Reimer, both rabbis, once went to visit mutual friends who had just lost a loved one. When they arrived, Heschel hugged the grieving family members without uttering a word. Then he sat down and remained silent. After an hour passed, Heschel got up and hugged the mourners again; then the two rabbis departed. I learned that you dont have to be glib, said Reimer. You just have to care. (quoted by Christian Century [August 13, 2011, p. 8] from Spiritual Life, summer) Abraham Joshua Heschel This quote reminds us that care and consolation can be expressed through presence, touch, and silence. Sometimes these forms of expressing concern are more powerful and more appropriate than words. And, think about it. We require no special training to be present, hug, and quiet. People sometimes fail to communicate care for someone because they dont know what to say. Caring as the rabbis did removes this barrier and opens up limitless possibilities to express our concern for and solidarity with people experiencing loss of all types.

Care Team Program 25th Anniversary

The Care Team concept and method of shared caregiving began formally in 1986 as congregations responded to the invitation of Dr. Earl Shelp and Dr. Ron Sunderland to provide a ministry of presence and practical assistance to people with HIV/ AIDS who were often alone and stigmatized during their last days. This pioneering program has grown and evolved since then to embrace the needs of others coping with different challenges but imposing similar effects of isolation and needs for basic assistance. Interfaith CarePartners shall celebrate this milestone during 2012 with the theme of Shining On. In addition, the total hours given by team members in the program passed 2 million during 2011. We shall celebrate this record of service this year, as well. Specific plans for these 25th anniversary and 2 million hour observances still are being formulated. Watch for announcements of activities and special reports highlighting parts of our history and the people who have made these significant milestones possible.

Training Our Lens

Perhaps you saw the award-winning 1998 film, Life is Beautiful, which told the story of Guido Orefice, an Italian Jew living with his wife and young son in Tuscany prior to World War II. In the beginning, the Orefices share an easy life together, but as the war gradually breaks out, the plot of the film shifts focus from chronicling their carefree lives to training the lens instead on Guido and his efforts to keep his son from Nazi guards after the family is imprisoned in a concentration camp. In order to prevent his sons discovery, Guido devises an imaginary game in which he convinces his son that the quietest child in the camp will be rewarded with a tank when the game is over. Without giving anything away if you have not seen the film, I want only to point out the obvious: rarely do we hear of beauty being mentioned in the same breath as concentration camps. The result is that the juxtaposition between the title of the film and the horrors on the screen forces the viewer to ask, How can this life be beautiful? This is not a question only for movies; it is one we know well. It takes a unique courage to sit through just ten minutes of the evening news (even weather reports are depressing!) and be able to say authentically that this life is still beautiful. But dont we admire those with the courage to take account of lifes fissures and fractures, its disorder and discouragement, and recognize the beauty of this life without trivializing or ignoring the many hurts and burdens everyone encounters? It is a special skill to look on something as morally repugnant as a concentration camp, and still be able to train our lenses on the simple beauty of shared laughter between father and son as they play a game. As with all skills, though, recognizing beauty takes practice. During my past months at Interfaith CarePartners, I have learned much about this skill. From home visits with Second Family Care Team members to conversations with care partners at a Gathering, our care partners and their caregivers have unknowingly coached me on training a lens to see beauty. Whether laughing and dancing as bands sing familiar tunes at Gatherings, impromptu trumpet solos that silence a gymnasium of people, sharing reminiscences of childhoods, or simply holding the hand of someone weeping a few necessary tears, the people we serve have shown a gift for seeing beauty even through the occasional dimness of life. What a joy, what a privilege! John K. Burk, Ph.D.

Giosu and Guido Orefice Life is Beautiful

Care Team Anniversaries

(January March 2012)
AIDS Care Team Wheeler Avenue Baptist [23] Kids Pals Care Team Brentwood Baptist [9] Second Family Care Team Congregation Emanu El [17] Jordan Grove Missionary Baptist [7] St. Rose of Lima Catholic [7] 1st United Methodist, Missouri City [7] Northwoods Presbyterian [6] Independence Heights Assistance Ministries [6] St. Paul the Apostle Catholic [4] Christian Tabernacle [2] Bay Area Unitarian Universalist [7] Park Place Community [12] Christ the King Catholic [8] True Light Missionary Baptist [8] Alzheimers Care Team Memorial Drive Presbyterian [19] Park Place Baptist [16] St. Marks United Methodist [16] St. Martins Episcopal [13] Northwoods Presbyterian [11] Christ the Good Shepherd Catholic [7] Cypress United Methodist [6] Chapelwood United Methodist [6] Palmer Memorial Episcopal [6] 1st United Methodist, Pearland [5] St. Paul the Apostle Catholic [5] Living Word Lutheran [3] 1st Presbyterian, Kingwood [3] St. Leo the Great Catholic [2] St. Frances Cabrini Catholic [1] Care Team assistance they are better able to care for themselves (91.7%), experience an increase in healthy coping skills (94.6%), feel less lonely or sad (81.1%), are more socially active (89.7%), and more able to live independently (90.9%). Respondent caregivers reported that with Care Team assistance they are better able to care for their loved one (100%), experience an increase in healthy coping skills (100%), feel less stressed or exhausted (94.1%), are more socially active with others (78.8%), and able to prolong care at home for their loved one (90.9%). These results demonstrate the beneficial effects of your time, talent, and dedication to the people you serve. Their lives are better because you are part of them. Thank you!

The Survey Said!

Remember the television game show Family Feud? Family members guessed the most popular answers to a survey question. Somewhere in my brain, I remember the host repeating the line, the survey said .. We conduct several surveys each year designed to tell us how well we are serving our constituencies, collect suggestions for better or new service, and allow people to comment anonymously or by name. We mail care partners and caregivers who have been supported by a Care Team for at least 12 months a five question survey. The results for 2011 are in. Respondent care partners said that with

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