EFFECTIVE FAMILY

MARCO LLADO 3BMT

EFFECTIVE FAMILY
Every family aims to become happy Parents should teach their children: Self love Assertive behavior Unique Healthy sexuality Personal responsibility Sound values Good behavior Inter-independent

SELF-LOVE
oSelf-love Basis of all mentally healthy behavior love themselves- tend to behave in loving ways Not narcissism =Self-love reflects our realistic appreciation of ourselves. =Narcissism reflects a basic insecurity causing us to look in a mirror continually to see if we still exist.

WAYS OF TEACHING SELF-LOVE:

oBy touching Important during early years oBy spending quantity time and quality time find ways and save space for children oBy allowing their children to feel important Allow to make decisions commensurate with their level of maturity and to enjoy and suffer the consequences Be honest

Two obstacles to unconditional love: 1.Parents who do not have sufficient selflove and sufficient love from their spouse: deep need to receive attention and affection from their children 2.Many parents equate the childs worth with performance

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

Having the ability to ask for what one needs To openly argue and disagree in constructive ways To stand steady against manipulation To move aside from people who unjustly interfere with need fulfillment
oChildren told to be assertive outside the family but not in the family

UNIQUE
One of the most beautiful attributes of a human being is that he is significantly different from any other human being ever created oSome parents

treat children as a matched set Sameness= unity Narcissistic parents Want each child to grow in their image and likeness

HEALTHY SEXUALITY
Distinguish three types of education: Reproductive -simply telling a child how babies are conceived, carried, and born -five minutes to five hours depending upon how clinical one wished to be Moral -teaches when sex is constructive or destructive -Put it in a religious context -When sex is sinful or not -five minutes to one hour depending on how philosophical and theological one wished to be

Psychological -deals with how the child views his own sexuality -begins at birth and continues until both parents die -years of sex education that will influence the impact of the reproductive and moral education, not vice versa

Sex is good or is bad

oSex is good:
Parents are seen not ashamed of their bodies Curiosity is met with kindness Parents speak to their children about sex in open ways

oSex is bad:
Parents are excessively modest Genitals are never mentioned or referred to obliquely Childhood sexual curiosity are punished Sexual topics are never mentioned May lead to children extinguishing their sexuality or experience it with shame and guilt

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
oMature person:

It was my fault, and Ill have to accept the consequences and rectify the situation oNot helpful, charitable or loving- make excuses for a childs mistakes or misdeeds

oIf excuses are used with any degree of frequencyteaches child:

when you are tired, under pressure, you dont have to assume any real responsibility for your behavior oEffective Parents see to it that their children experience the natural consequences that flow from mistakes and misdeeds

SOUND VALUES
Sound Values help a person behave in ways that increase feelings of goodness about himself and about others Justice Foundation of all healthy values Justice to oneself and to others Values are learned, not inherited Children pay little attention to what is said to them Learn primarily from watching and hearing Learn indirectly about fairness, concern, using people, what behaviors get rewarded, what makes their parents angry

GOOD BEHAVIOR
Healthy discipline
Main method of teaching good behavior Five ingredients: Demonstrated affection, good example, reward, consistency and punishment Punishment alone- Least effective

1. Showing Affection
Best form of discipline Children do not feel affection- seek attention as substitute If good behavior doesnt win attention- misbehave because negative behavior is better than no attention

2. Good Example

Children- learn vast majority of behavior from parents Effective parents behave well when they misbehave-admit it in front of their children who can then make appropriate corrections in their imitating

3. Rewarding
Normal children- prefer reward than punishment Home where good behavior is rewarded More good behavior than poor behavior Reward follows when a child spontaneously behaves well, esp. when he shows real concern for sacrifice Bribery occurs when parent promises a reward if the child behaves well during an upcoming situation Never healthy teaches child to behave well for purely pragmatic and selfish reasons ( if reasons are not present, no longer need to behave well)

4. Consistency Good rules but poor enforcement Inconsistency in discipline Teaches children not to take people at face value and that if youre clever enough, you can get what you want despite the rules Consistency in discipline

Means that parents are relatively consistent with each other

INTERDEPENDENCE
Interdependence If parents wish children to be interdependent at twenty years of age- begin in infancy; and the parents should also be interdependent themselves Reasons for Difficulty of allowing Children to become Interdependent:
Smooth blend of dependence and independence.

1.Some parents are not interdependent themselvesenter into dependency relationships with the children

2. Some parents Not good at teaching interdependence They want the best for their child and feel they know what is best Function as managers rather than parents Decide for the child Act as managers- very satisfied with their lives and want to guide their children into the same degree of satisfaction / quite dissatisfied with their lives and want to help their children avoid same pitfalls

Main problem: what constitute a satisfactory life for the parent may be a life of misery for the child Best way to help a child avoid miserable life: not to make decisions for the child but to give him the ingredients that go into making good decisions (Love, freedom, and sound values)

MARAMING SALAMAT PO!