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Page 2
Program Objectives
Understand the philosophy of
being assertive.
Recognize the differences between being
assertive and aggressive through
exploration of personal reactions to
given situations.
Participate in role-playing exercises to
practice the tenets of being assertive.
Instill in participants the courage to be
assertive -- in the most appropriate and
effective way.
Page 3
A Challenge

Please write a One Sentence
Definition of
A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
Page 4
Definition of Assertiveness

An honest, direct, and appropriate
expression of one's feelings,
thoughts, and beliefs.
Page 5
Test Your Assertiveness (1 of 3)
4 Can you express negative feelings
about other people and their behaviors
without using abusive language?
4 Are you able to exercise and express
your strengths?
4 Can you easily recognize and
compliment other peoples
achievements?
Page 6
Test Your Assertiveness (2 of 3)
4 Do you have the confidence to ask
for what is rightfully yours?
4 Can you accept criticism without
being defensive?
4 Do you feel comfortable accepting
compliments?
4 Are you able to stand up for
your rights?
Page 7
Test Your Assertiveness (3 of 3)
4 Are you able to refuse unreasonable
requests from friends, family, or co-
workers?
4 Can you comfortably start and carry
on a conversation with others?
4 Do you ask for assistance when
you need it ?
A yes response to the questions
indicates an assertive approach.
Page 8
Why Assertiveness Is Important?
4 Effective communication brings
about the achievement of
individual and/or shared goals.
4 Assertiveness increases your ability
to reach these goals while
maintaining your rights and
dignity.
Page 9
The Myths About Assertiveness
4 Other peoples feelings and rights are
more important than yours.
4 You are not important
enough to express your
feelings and rights.
4 You will offend other people
by being assertive.
Page 10
Assertive Rights
You have the right to be assertive.
You have the right to request that others
change their behavior if they are infringing
on your rights.
You have the right to use your own time
to answer questions.
You have the right to express your needs
even if they are illogical.
Be aware that there are responsibilities
attached to all these rights!
Page 11
Remember
R You do not live in isolation.
R Your actions impact everyone.
R You are in control of your behavior.
R Your response to a situation must be
guided by ascertaining your rights and
responsibilities and following through.
Page 12
Whats Keeping You From Being
Assertive?
R Fear of change.
R Refusal to admit their submissiveness.
R Fear of ruining relationships if you speak
your mind.
R Lack confidence in your ability.
Page 13
Have You Ever Felt
guilty about saying no?
that others regard you as a pushover?
that its better to be well liked than well
respected?
that outbursts of anger are appropriate?
that intimidation is the only way you can
get what you want?
Page 14
Sound Familiar?
If any of these things sound like
you, it means you are probably
exhibiting non-assertive
behavior.
Realize that you are not alone. Non-
assertive behavior is very common
in the workplace.
Page 15
A Caution
While assertiveness is a key factor
in enhancing quality of work life,
group dynamics, and interpersonal
climate, it is not always appropriate.
Q: How can you tell?
A: Tailor your response
to the situation.
Page 16
Wise Words
Ask yourself:
1. How important is being assertive in this
particular situation?
2. What will you think of yourself if you are
not assertive now?
3. What are the consequences of assertive
behavior?
4. Do the costs of this behavior outweigh the
benefits?
Page 17
What Assertiveness Is
E Respect for yourself and others.
E Honestly expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
E Effectively influencing, listening,
and negotiating with others.
Page 18
What Assertiveness Is Not
E It is important to remember that
assertiveness is not
aggressiveness or selfishness.
E Being assertive does not involve
humiliating or abusing other
people and their rights.
E Being assertive does not mean
violating the rights of others or
gaining at the expense of some
one elses loss.
Page 19
Aggressiveness Is
Inappropriately expressing your
thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way
that violates other peoples rights.
Achieving your goal by not allowing
others the freedom to choose.
Completely disrespecting others
whether it be in an active or
passive method.
Page 20
Are You Aggressive? (1 of 2)
Do you become abusive, whether it
be verbal or physical, when
criticizing others?
Do you purposely make others feel
like they are incompetent or
unimportant?
Do you make unreasonable
demands of other people?
A yes answer to any of the questions
may indicate aggressive behavior.
Page 21
Are You Aggressive? (2 of 2)
Do you brag or exaggerate your
achievements?
Do you ignore the rights and
feelings of other people?
Do you aim to get your way at
all costs?
Do you often dominate
conversations with others?
Page 22
Acting Unassertiveness Is
E Acting in an indirect or passive
manner.
E Permitting others to take advantage
of you by violating your rights.
E Thinking that you and your needs
are inferior to others and their
needs.
Page 23
Are You Unassertive? (1 of 2)
Do you feel guilty standing up for
your fights or expressing your
feelings?
Are you unable to recognize and
acknowledge your strengths?
Are you uncomfortable with starting
or carrying on a conversation?
Do you rarely stand up for yourself?
Page 24
Are You Unassertive? (2 of 2)
Do you have trouble saying no to
people?
Are you unable to ask other people to
perform reasonable requests for you?
Do you feel that you let other people
take advantage of you?
A yes answer to any of the questions
may indicate unassertive behavior.
Page 25
Assertiveness vs. Authority
If you use effective communication
skills, assertiveness and self confidence,
most situations may be resolved.
However, using your authority is
legitimate as a secondary option.
Should you pull rank?
Page 26
More Words to the Wise
o Dont use these cautions
as an excuse to perpetuate
unassertive behavior.
o More often than not,
assertiveness is appropriate
to the situation and you
should not hesitate in
applying it.
Page 27
7 Joan is at a meeting where the topic
is the profitability of the project shes
been working on for three months
straight. She has not said a word in
the past hour. Suddenly she jumps
up and accuses the boss of
deliberately canceling the project
based on personal dislike.
What Would You Say?
Page 28
7 The copier has been broken for two
days. Sam asked the secretary to call
in for repairs several times with no
effect. He says nothing and ends up
calling it in himself. After all, he
thinks, shes probably too busy
typing up that memo he gave her this
morning.
What Would You Say?
Page 29
7 Bob is in line at the deli counter waiting
to be served. His number is about to be
called next. Suddenly, a woman steps in
front of him and places her order. Bob
vociferously complains about the deli
worker and the woman, exclaims he
will never shop there again, tosses his
ticket, and stalks off.
What Would You Say?
Page 30
7 Judys boss asks her to go on an
important business trip which will
carry over into the weekend of her
sisters wedding. Judy feels she cant
refuse her boss and plans on sending
her spouse to the wedding in her
place.
What Would You Say?
Page 31
What Would You Say?
7 George is next in line to buy tickets
in a crowded movie theatre lobby.
Just as his turn comes up, a man cuts
in front of him and requests tickets.
George meekly steps back to allow
the man room and hopes he gets
waited on next.
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What Did You Say?
Q: Do you think that these
were appropriate and
effective ways to
handle the situations?
A: The answer is probably
no. Reactions like these
usually cause more
problems than they solve.
Page 33
A Passive Person
Passive people usually:
O Speak softly and hesitantly.
O Use fillers like uh and um.
O Avoid eye contact.
O Allow other people in their
personal space.
Page 34
Should I Use Force?
Passiveness is clearly not conducive
to ascertaining your personal rights,
but you dont need to go to the other
extreme to be assertive.
You dont have to be forceful to be
assertive.
Soft-spoken people can be assertive
too!
There is no one way to be assertive
correctly, but there are things to
avoid.
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An Aggressive Person
4 Raise their voices when they lose
control.
4 Shout and use accusatory language like
You should and You must.
4 Stare people down and may invade
other peoples personal space
physically.
Infringes on others rights, using fear and
intimidation to get what he or she wants.
Aggressive people often:
Page 36
An Assertive Person
Assertive people usually:
Asserts his or her own rights in a positive,
open, honest, and self-confident manner.
Speak calmly and confidently.
Notify other people of their feelings
with statements starting with I think
and I feel.
Maintain eye contact, have good
posture and are poised and in control.
Page 37
Several Tips
E Be cognizant of your expression.
E Do not act hastily or in anger.
E Remain calm, cool, courteous &
collected.
E Avoid making mountains out of
molehills.
Following these simple suggestions will present
you as someone who is confident & optimistic --
as opposed to someone who is hostile and angry.
Page 38
Six Personality Types
Dreamers.

Whiners.

Mutes.
Hamsters.

Invisible Beings.

Pit-bulls.
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Hamsters
Do good work, get respect, BUT get
nowhere when it comes to career
advancement. Where do all their
efforts go?
They may be assertive
for the organization they
work for, but fall short
when it comes to
standing up for
themselves.
Page 40
Invisible Beings
They do good work
BUT nobody knows it.

Their unassertiveness
lets others take credit
for their achievements
and that leaves them
out of the limelight.
Page 41
Pit-bulls
Their overly aggressive
behavior gets in the way
of their success at work.
They may be good
workers, but the
disruption and tension
they create makes them
disliked and puts them on
the defensive.
Page 42
Dreamers
Day-dreaming
shows a lack of self control
that keeps them from advancing.
Work that they eventually
turn in is acceptable. This lack of
focus may indicate low self-esteem.

Page 43
Whiners
They constantly complain
about exactly what they
dont like, yet expect
others to speak up and
change the situation.
They do nothing to affect
the change themselves, no
matter how much taking
decisive actions would help
remedy their complaints.
Page 44
Mutes
They have a problem
saying no and, for
that matter, much of
anything at all.

They take everything
thats given, whether
they like it or not, and
their passivity makes
them over-worked and
stressed.
Page 45
Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Disagree in both a passive and active
manner depending on the situation.
Let other people understand more
about you let them share your
thoughts and experiences.
Always ask for answers when you
have questions regarding any issues
even when it is with a person of
authority.
Page 46
Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Be reasonable when you are in a
discussion with others without letting
them dominate the interaction.
Always look directly into the
eyes of the person you are
talking to.
Say no to any requests you
are uncomfortable with or
feel is unreasonable.
Page 47
Nine Types Of Assertive Response
Accept compliments graciously without
feeling embarrassed or the need to
depreciate yourself.
Insist on being treated fairly
and justly never let others
take advantage of you.
Be friendly and sincere with the
people you would like to know
better; give them a chance to get
to know you.
Page 48
Are You Assertive at the
Workplace?
Then you do your job well
while maintaining your rights
and fulfilling your
responsibilities.
Dont worry if you dont fit into
this category yet Theres still
hope!
Page 49
Developing to Your Full
Assertive Potential
Inside everyone, theres an
assertive person trying
to get out.
Whats keeping you back?
Page 50
Tension at Work
Page 51
Relax !
By controlling
tension you will
also control the
possibilities of
outbursts and
unnecessary or
unproductive
anger.
Page 52
Relaxing Techniques
Remember to keep on breathing!




Inhale, count to 10, exhale, repeat...
Tried and true methods are best
Page 53
Heading Tension Off At The Pass
Finding appropriate
ways to deal with:

^ Conflicts
^ Grievances
Page 54
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Controlling your
emotions is the first step
to helping solve, rather
than magnify, this
problem assertively.
Get a Grip
Page 55
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Examine the situation
carefully and make sure
you have a handle on all
the facts. Look to see if
you are in fact also
contributing to the
situation.
Reach for Logic
Page 56
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Dont Keep a Lid On It
Procrastination will only
make it worse. Pent-up
frustrations could lead to
unwanted explosions
that may be more
problematic than the
original situation.
Page 57
What To Do When Confronted
With a Problem
Dont Take It So Hard
Remember to keep
perspective when things get
sticky, and dont take things
personally. It will only
increase your emotional
involvement and hamper
your ability to resolve the
situation.
Page 58
In Dealing With Conflicts
* Deal with the situation
immediately.

* Listen carefully.

* Sort out the facts from the
emotional content.

* Avoid being defensive.
Page 59
In Dealing With Conflicts
* Ask questions.

* Compliment the individual/group for
having the courage to bring this to
your attention.

* Respond calmly and clearly.

* Offer alternatives.
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If You Have A Grievance
Deal with the situation
immediately.
Be prepared to listen.
Avoid being emotional.
Avoid putting the other
person on the defensive.
Be prepared and know the
facts.
Remain calm.
Have the courage to be
assertive.
Page 61
Whos Afraid Of...
The only thing
someone should
fear is missing
opportunities by
continuing to
worry and feed
passive attitudes.
Page 62
Making the First Move
Overcoming the Fear of
Being Assertive:
Concentrate.
Remember who youre with
and tailor your discussion.
Be tactful and honest.
Make eye contact.
Page 63
Interpersonal Skills at Work
Avoid misunderstanding
which can lead to frustration.
Being assertive means being
open and direct.
Are your requests reasonable?
Are you sure you know what
you want from other people?
Are your requests easy
to understand?
Page 64
Keys to More Power!
Increased assertiveness leads to
increased powerful verbal
communication.
The Keys to Communication:
Verbal
Non-verbal
Written
Page 65
Verbal Communication
Avoid fillers like uh and um
and diminutives like little, only
and just.
Dont use Im sorry if youre not
sincere or if the situation doesnt call
for it.
Always keep in mind your tone and
volume, and how think about how
they may be perceived by others.
Page 66
Non-Verbal Communication
Be aware of gestures and body
language.
Make sure to allow for comfortable
personal space between you and the
person youre communicating with.
Always maintain good posture.
Page 67
Written Communication
Be concise and clear.
Use the active voice when writing,
and remember to be inclusive and
aware of your audience.
Use specific and simple language.
Page 68
Communication is a Goal
Other Aspects of Good
Communication:
Listening well.
Controlling your emotions.
Letting people know how you feel.
Making assertive statements.
Page 69
Tips on Listening Well
_ Paraphrase what the speaker
has said.
_ Maintain eye contact and
verbally encourage the
speaker.
_ Ask informative and
clarifying questions.
Being an Active Listener:
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Controlling Your Emotions (1 of 2)
1. Breathe, relax, and remain
calm.
2. Realize demonstrations of
anger, shouting, and threats
are never appropriate.
3. Use neutral, non-judgmental
statements.
Page 71
Controlling Your Emotions (2 of 2)
4. Consider the other partys
viewpoint and emotions.
5. Dont make accusatory
statements-- blame is usually
a dead-end road.
6. Check yourself before you
say something youll regret
later on.
Page 72
Four Steps To Saying No (1 of 2)
1. Listen to the request - Make sure
you understand the request
completely before coming to a
hasty conclusion. Ask questions
if you need any clarification.
2. Say no immediately - You do
not need to justify your decision.
If you start doing so, you will be
prolonging the conversation
unnecessarily.
Page 73
Four Steps To Saying No (2 of 2)
3. Give a reason for your refusal
Without giving a reason, you may
come off as uncooperative or
hostile. A clear and honest reason
will be sufficient, you do not need
to argue with the other party.
4. Offer to find an alternative Let
the other party know that you will
try to help them but you are
unable to perform the entire
request.
Page 74
Use I Statements (1 of 4)
Three Parts:
3. Feelings
2. Effect
1. Behavior
Page 75
Use I Statements (2 of 4)
Three Parts:
What it is exactly, that the other
person has done or is doing.
1. Behavior
Page 76
Use I Statements (3 of 4):
Three Parts:
2. Effect
What it happening because of
their behavior.
Page 77
Use I Statements (4 of 4):
Three Parts:
3. Feelings
What effect does their behavior
have on your feelings?
Page 78
Letting Other People Know
How You Feel
_ While remaining cool
and collected, try to
explain your point of
view.
_ Use terms like I feel
and I think rather
than It should be or
It must.
Page 79
Describe your wants, needs and
intentions to other people.
Use terms like I want, I
need, and I plan to.
Making Assertive Statements
Page 80
Communicate Assertively/ Skills
Empathetic Assertion.
Simple Assertion.
Self-Disclosure.
Workable Compromise.
Broken Record.
Fogging.
Free Information.
Negative
Assertion.
Page 81
More Tips
Communicating a request for change to
another person is probably one of the
hardest tasks for the newly assertive
person.
Using the following technique may help
someone get through those first tough
spots when it comes to difficult
situations.
Page 82
Requesting Change From
Someone Else
1. Describe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.
3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of
changed behavior.
Use this template as your guide when
dealing with sticky situations.
Page 83
The Criteria of Requesting
Change
The method you use to request change from
someone else should include the following
six criteria.
o A good chance that the person you are
requesting change from will change.
o You will not be-little other
peoples self-esteem.

o You will not violate the rights
of others.

Page 84
The Criteria of Requesting
Change
o You will not damage your relationship
with the person you are requesting
change from.
o You will not be defensive.
o You will not lessen the motivation of
the other person.
Page 85
Dont Get Mad...
Anger may
seem like a
quick fix, but it
will get you
nowhere fast.
Yelling until
you are blue in
the face will
only come
back to haunt
you later.
Page 86
Assertiveness is
More Than
Courage
Page 87
Assertiveness is Also About
Setting limits.
Expressing your feelings.
Page 88
No is Not a Dirty Word
If something makes you feel uncomfortable
or if you feel the request is unreasonable,
then it is your prerogative to refuse.
Remember:
You are not saying no to
the whole person, but only to
part of the relationship which
makes you feel uncomfortable.
No does not require an
explanation.
Page 89
Use good communication to
transmit your requests and feelings.
Dont Go Down the Passive
or Aggressive Road
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Page 90
First Impressions
Slouching, avoiding
eye contact, and
other self-effacing
mannerisms can
show a lack of self
confidence.

This kind of self-
presentation can
perpetuate a cycle of
non-assertive behavior.
Page 91
Keeping Up Appearances
* Part of standing up for yourself
is standing up straight!
- And remember to look em in the eye!
Page 92
Its a Two-Way Road
Also be aware of the physical
responses of others.
If people are
avoiding your
stare or shying
away, slow
down. You may
be coming on
too strong.
Page 93
Taking the First Step
If you dont like the way
you feel when you
behave a certain way,
know that you have the
power to change it!
Remember, the only
behavior you can control
is your own.
Page 94
A
journey of
a thousand
miles must
begin with
a single
step.
Chinese Proverb
Page 95
Fears Which Block Assertive
Behavior
1. Fear of making mistakes.
2. Fear of displeasing others.
3. Fear of disapproval.
4. Fear of appearing too
masculine or too feminine.

Fear
Page 96
Reminder
Assertiveness =
Personal Authority
+ Confidence in Your Skills
+ Sense of Purpose
+ Commitment to Goals

Page 97
Start Out Small
Master what you can manage
comfortably at first, then move
up to greater challenges.
Change is always gradual;
its not immediate, but
its not impossible
either.
Page 98
You Can Change Your Habits
1. Identify what you want to change about
yourself.
2. Set a goal.
3. Control your fears and anxieties.
4. Aim for a success that is manageable at
first.
5. Keep a record to monitor your progress.
6. Practice, practice, practice!
Dont lose sight of your goal, and
remember that upkeep is a life-long
commitment.
Page 99
Natural abilities are like
natural plants, that need
pruning by study...
Francis Bacon
Page 100
A good way to enforce what youve
learned is to role-play.
The Plays the Thing
Practice and feedback are essential to
discovering strengths and weaknesses,
as is having a chance to try
out your skills in a
supportive forum.
Page 101
Tips on Assertiveness
Here are some communication
skills that will help you convey
an assertive attitude:

- Be aware of your facial expression.

- Always make eye contact.

- Pay attention to what others are
saying and let them know that you
are listening.
Page 102
Tips on Assertiveness
- Use a pleasant but firm voice
when communicating.

- Be aware of your gestures and how
you hold and present yourself.

- Always ask questions when clarification
is needed to avoid misunderstanding.

- Look for ways to solve the problem so
all parties are satisfied.

Page 103
Comfort Zone
E Comfort level is the degree to
which you feel comfortable with
what is happening, while taking
into the situation, circumstances
and relationship.

O Whenever the comfort level
is exceeded, Speak Up.
Page 104
Time for the Diagnostic
+ How do you fare when it comes to
behaving assertively?
+ Knowing where you are personally
can help gauge how far youve
come and how much farther
you have to go.
Page 105
What are you
going to
take action on?
Start with the
three easiest
items.
Action Plan
Page 106
Action Steps
E List specific behaviors.
E Be as systematic as possible.
E Rank the behaviors in terms of their
complexity or degree of difficulty.
E Rank the behaviors in terms of
chronological order.
E Begin with the least difficult behavior.
E Advance to a more difficult behavior.
E Break difficult behavior down into
several smaller behaviors.
Page 107
E Attach time limits to each behavior.
E Repeat specific behavior until mastered.
E Review all previous behaviors.
E Advance to next most difficult behavior.
E Measure and evaluate.
E Keep records (preferably visual).
E Reinforce through reward and punishment.
E Use visual reminders (pictures, charts, etc.).
E Remember: ("A small goal is enough!").
Action Steps