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Ram Phani
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INTRODUCTION
We spend up to 80% of our conscious hours using four basic communication skills. Writing Reading Speaking and Listening Listening accounts for more than 50% of our time ! 40% of our walking time is just listening !
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We listen in spurts. We cant concentrate for more than sixty seconds at a time. Our attention lags, then we concentrate again. Ask yourself what speed of speech youre capable of listening to ? We can heard guesstimates of from 50 to 300 w.p.m. In reality, we are capable of listening at the phenomenal speed of 750 to 1200 w.p.m. ! Then why dont we hear what people tell us ? Because were bored thats why ? Theres not enough to keep our brain occupied when people speak at normal speeds. So what happens ? We all go on side-trips where we may :
Start finding examples of something the persons discussing ; Wonder why our spouse was in such a bad mood that morning ; Admire something someone is wearing and wonder where they bought it ; Wonder if its time for coffee break. Radio and Television have turned most of us into lazy listeners. It takes practice and concentration to stay tuned in to whats being said. There are several problem listeners that we all have to deal with. Here are few.
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Most poor listeners arent aware of their failing. Your feedback may be helpful in changing their attitude and behaviour.
Thorough advance preparation is especially valuable when youre having problems with those in a position of power, such as your Supervisor, a boss, a parent or an older person. 1. Determine the problem : Identify the specific behaviour thats Unacceptable, who is affected by the behaviour, and how frequently it occurs. Concentrate on behaviour the person can do something about. If the problem occurs only with one person, its most likely a personality conflict rather than difficult behaviour. 2. Examine relationships : Clues to the possible causes of the negative behaviour will be found by examining how the difficult person interacts with others. Determining why the behaviour occurs and why its annoying you will help find solutions.
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3. Determine the cost of the problem behaviour : Whether its a lost productivity, general discomfort or lower morale, difficult behaviour always carries a cost. The behaviour should be ignored if you cant determine any costs. 4. Prepare for the confrontation : Should you have determined the costs are too high, its now time to speak to the offender. What special concerns do you have about the problem ? What difficulties might you experience in the discussion ? How will you handle these problems ? Be ready for most situations you may face. Determine what you want to accomplish, then set up a meeting where youll have privacy and enough time to discuss the situation.
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5. Rehearse thoroughly : Rehearse the trying situation before hand with a friend. Your friend should have as much knowledge of the situation as possible. This way, he or she can formulate good arguments and be able to anticipate what the other persons objections or reactions might be. The adage that practice make perfect works here. Remember that the person youre eventually going to deal with has not had the opportunity to practice. 6. Find a solution : In a non-accusatory manner, explain why it concerns you. Give specific facts. Try not to offer your opinion as understanding. Identify the change in behaviour youre seeking. Be open to changing your solution, if its inappropriate. Listen to the persons ideas about how he or she can solve the problem. Express confidence in the persons ability to change.
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8. Obtain a commitment : Get agreement on specific actions the person will take, and set a deadline for these actions. Ask the person to confirm that he or she will do whats been agreed upon. 9. Follow up with the person : Recognise and comment on any progress youve observed. Re-evaluate the action plan and revise it if necessary. If theres been no change, repeat the process.
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COPING STRATEGY One solution may be to make the best of a bad situation. You can minimise the damage caused by the difficult behaviour by :
Remaining calm. Dont argue with the person or make accusations. Using your listening skills to check your understanding Being firm Decide in advance what behaviour you will or will not accept, and dont let yourself be pushed beyond this limit. Being persistent and consistent in your response, which conveys to the difficult person that you mean what you say. Believing in yourself and your ability to deal with others. Looking for ways to lessen your exposure to the behaviour, or to reduce the causes of the behaviour.
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BLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING There are other things that can lead you astray when listening. Ask yourself which ones are problems for you. You had trouble understanding the speakers words or lacked the knowledge to grasp the message. (The speaker was using unfamiliar language, jargon or technical terms.) You were thinking of what you were going to say while the speaker was talking. You were preoccupied with how strongly you disagreed with the speakers views.
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You listened for what you wanted to hear. You were too tired mentally to work at paying attention. There were outside noises and distractions. The speaker had poor delivery slow, windy, irrelevant, rambling or repetitious. Something the speaker said intrigued you, you thought about it, and when you tuned back in, youd lost the thread. The speaker had an accent that you found difficult to understand. You tuned out because you thought you knew what the speakers conclusions were going to be. You forgot to use paraphrasing and feedback in listening effectively. You felt you were being given far too much information.
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7. Dont allow yourself to get too far ahead of the speaker by trying to understand things too soon. 8. At intervals, try to paraphrase what people have been saying. Give them the opportunity to learn what you think youve heard them say. 9. When you have difficulty determining the point of the speakers remarks, say, Why are you telling me this? 10. Watch for key or buzz words if you find youve lost the train of the conversation. This happens particularly when the speaker is long-winded or has a tendency to ramble. 11. Dont interrupt to demand clarification of insignificant or irrelevant details.
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