Assertive Communication

Kavita Lal

Mahindra Satyam 2010

Course Outcomes

Communicate with increased confidence and ease

Communicate assertively in difficult situations

Participate effectively in meetings & teleconferences

Mahindra Satyam 2010 2

Customer Issues Communicate clearly and precisely Share our views and concerns at the right time Understand their concerns and move towards a workable compromise Participate effectively in virtual as well as face to face meetings Paraphrase our understanding of the situation during the conversation Ask the right questions at the right time and summarize the action items

Mahindra Satyam 2010 3

What is Communication?

Mahindra Satyam 2010 4

Communication
Communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs or behaviors Communication is a two way process Business professionals spend about 70% to 85% of their work time in communication, be it speaking, listening, writing or reading

Mahindra Satyam 2010 5

Communication Body language Para language Language

55% 38% 7%

100%

Mahindra Satyam 2010 6

Time Pressure in all Business Communication Internal Frameworks of understanding information Internal filters of missing out and capturing information Importance of Language in which we think and speak Assumptions made when we are listening and collecting information Perceptions

Mahindra Satyam 2010 7

Barriers in Effective Business Communication

Attention span, Time pressure, Language Using Personalized I statements to Communicate assertively in difficult situations Modulate voice based on the TIPS for voice Maintaining the correct business body language during conversations Bad habits in listening and communication Tool Kit to improve Listening Skills Skills in paraphrasing, summarizing and asking the right questions Participate effectively in meetings and teleconferences Skills in Giving and receiving feedback effectively

Mahindra Satyam 2010 8

Your Style
Fill up the questionnaire with complete honesty Give your first response and do not deliberate too much on any particular question Give your responses considering the way you behave and not the way you should behave Time allotted: 10 minutes

Mahindra Satyam 2010 9

Exercise Your Style

Thinking about your behavior at work, write a score against each statement to represent which best typifies your behavior. 4= Agree Strongly 3= Agree Somewhat 2= Disagree Somewhat 1= Disagree Strongly 1.I express my opinions in an honest and appropriate manner.______________________ 2. I can get angry and let this show.____________________________________________ 3. I find it difficult to say No.________________________________________________ 4. If I do not agree with a task that my boss has given me, I find a way of dragging my feet on it.___________________________________________________________________ 5. I feel comfortable in asking for help from somebody if they know more than me.______

Mahindra Satyam 2010 10

Your Style
6. I feel guilty if I leave on time for a valid reason and other people are still working.______ 7. I can be sarcastic.____________________________________________________ 8. I think my way of doing things is better than other people.___________________________________________________________ _ 9. If someone takes advantage of me, I find a way of evening the score.____________________________________________________________ __ 10. I feel I have the right to say no to other peoples request and find a way of making the score even.____________________________________________________________ ___ 11. If I am in a large meeting, I find myself not speaking up._____________________

Mahindra Satyam 2010 11

Your Style
12. I like to be in control of a situation_______________________________________

13. I stare at people._____________________________________________________ __

14. I make good eye contact with people.___________________________________

15. If I am unsure of a task that I have been given I find it uncomfortable to ask for help._______________________________________________________ ________
16. I talk about other people behind their backs.______________________________________________________ ______

Mahindra Satyam 2010 12

Your Style
17. When I have to deal with someone in authority, I find it difficult to look them directly in the eye.________________________________________________________ _______ 18. I am a good listener and think that people listen attentively to what I have to say.________________________________________________________ _______

19. Rather than confronting someone on an issue, I would rather drop hints that I am not happy._____________________________________________________ ____
20. I am not afraid to be direct with someone even if they think I am being rude._______________________________________________________ _______

Mahindra Satyam 2010 13

Your Style
Self Assessment
Transfer the scores of each of the statements to the boxes given below and then total each of the columns downwards.

Mahindra Satyam 2010 14

Assertive Q1

Passive Q3

Passive Aggressive Q4

Aggressive Q2

Q5
Q10 Q14 Q18 total

Q6
Q11 Q15 Q17 total

Q7
Q9 Q16 Q19 total

Q8
Q12 Q13 Q20 total

Mahindra Satyam 2010 15

Your Style: Exercise Debrief Aggressive Communication Style Tend to offend others Highly opinionated Passive Communication Style Submissive Hesitant to voice their opinions Avoid conflicts

Mahindra Satyam 2010 16

Your Style: Exercise Debrief Passive Aggressive Communication Style

Never talk to the right person or at the right time

Tend to generate discontent amongst others

Assertive Communication Style:

Express oneself openly and honestly without denying the rights of

others

Not scared to ask why Strike a workable compromise and understand the other person

Mahindra Satyam 2010 17

Assertive Communication How? Listening Asking Questions

Mahindra Satyam 2010 18

The 3 As Acknowledge Emotions Accept Facts Assure for solutions and come up to a Workable Compromise

Mahindra Satyam 2010 19

Exercise 2.2: Solve the Case

Go through this case and identify the communication styles of Alex and Shekhar: Alex: Amit tells me that you were over half-an-hour late this morning and in fact, every morning this week. Is that correct? Shekhar: Yes, Im very sorry. Alex: Tell me, why were you late? Shekhar: Well, the traffics been bad. Alex: Well, the traffics been bad, and you normally come to work on time. So whats the problem? Shekhar: Wellmy mother is extremely sick. Alex: Im sorry to hear that Shekhar; it must be very tough for you, as you are very close to your mother. Shekhar: Yes, Alex its tough alright. Alex: (pause): But, I dont see why you are late Shekhar.

Mahindra Satyam 2010 20

Exercise 2.2: Solve the Case

Shekhar: Well, my mother now needs our full time care and attention. She cant be left even for a minute. Namita, my wife works nights and doesnt come until half past eight. I immediately set off for work, but because of the traffic Im late. Alex: I have no problems with that at all Shekhar. This whole position must be causing you and Namita a lot of stress. Are there any alternatives we can think of that will help mattersI wonder. Have you tried to get help from Home Help for instance? Shekhar: No we havent actually. This all happened very suddenlylast weekend in fact. Alex: Well, why dont you take the rest of the day off and see if you can set the wheels in motion. Then we can have a chat tomorrow on progress. We have to get the short term fix quickly, but there is also the longer term one to consider. Besides, you need to complete your deliverable by the end of this month. In view of our HR policies, lets all come to work on time. Shekhar: Thanks ever so much Alex. I appreciate the urgency. May be I will have to stretch a bit to get things done by the end of this month. That should be fine.

Mahindra Satyam 2010 21

Skills in Developing Assertiveness

Have basic Believes: The right to say No The right to be listened to The right to be treated with respect The right to hold and express different views from other people. The right to ask for what you want. The right to be consulted about decisions affecting you. The right to privacy The right not to give reasons/excuses for your behavior. The right to make mistakes

Mahindra Satyam 2010 22

Skills in Developing Assertiveness

Verbal Structure

1)

Push Statements:

1) Stating Expectations______________________________________________________ 2) Stating Views/opinions stated with a reason____________________________________ 3) Offering incentives and stating Consequences__________________________________ 4) Disclosing Feelings_______________________________________________________

2)

Pull Statements:

1) Active Listening________________________________________________________ 2) Asking open questions to increase Understanding______________________________ 3) Building common ground of agreement______________________________________ 4) Being open in order to help in the situation___________________________________

Mahindra Satyam 2010 23

I Statements
Three parts of an I Statement:

Description of specific behavior Description of your specific feelings Description of the tangible effects on you of the specific
behavior
Example: When you ask me to take on another job with a tight deadline (Specific behavior) I feel pressured (your Specific Feeling) because I dont have the adequate time to do the new job and carry out the other work that I have to do. (tangible effects on you)

Mahindra Satyam 2010 24

How of Communication: Voice Tone

Unfriendly ---------------------------- Friendly Insincere ------------------------------ Sincere

Intonation
Monotonous ---------------------------------- Varied

Pitch
Unclear ----------------------------------------- Clear High ---------------------------------------------- Low

Speed
Slow -------------------------------------------- Fast

Mahindra Satyam 2010 25

How of Communication: Body Language

Dos Open posture Look directly at the speaker Smile Orient your shoulder towards the person Lean forward slightly Nod Dont Slouch Crossed arms Hands in the pocket Swinging of legs Hands handcuffed behind Nose touching

Mahindra Satyam 2010 26

Watch Yourself and Others

Category
How am I thinking of myself
What are my hands and arms doing

Aggressive
Superior/inferior but desperate o hide it.
Fists on the waist Arms folded across the chest Hands clenched tightly Fist thumping and finger pointing Hand crunching handshakes or over hard slaps on the back. Trying to be physically higher Upright with head in the air Leaning forward to emphasize my point.

Assertive
Having equal rights with every one
Open hand movements Inviting to speak Arms comfortably by sides or arms folded loosely

Passive
Inferior- not as important as others
Hugging the body Hands are tightly clasped Wringing or covering hand with mouth.

How am I standing

Relaxed well balanced Facing the other person directly

Round shouldered head down Crest cramped Turning away from others Staying at a lower level.

Mahindra Satyam 2010 27

Watch Yourself and Others

Category
What are my legs and feet doing

Aggressive
Feet firmly apart. Sitting stiffly upright Foot tapping-swinging When moving striding
impatiently

Assertive
Feet about shoulder width apart Weight equally distributed on both feet Standing still

Passive
Shifting weight from one foot to the other Rolling one foot onto its side Stepping back, shrugging, shuffling Standing with weight
on one foot

Where am I looking

Looking through or past a person Glaringstaring a hard gaze Narrowing of the eyesunblinking Cold-sarcastic Very loud. Sharp Threatening Abrupt Clipped

Looking directly at same level Gentle and relaxed look Looking away often yet coming to back to look at the person Steady-firm-low pitched Medium volume Clear speech Warm tones

Looking down and away Avoiding eye contact Quick furtive glances

What is my voice like

Quiet-strainedwobbly-whining and child like Dull monotone

Mahindra Satyam 2010 28

Questions

Mahindra Satyam 2010

29
29

Thank You!

Wed love to hear from you. Please do feel free to write to us with your comments/ suggestions/queries at Kavita_Lal@MahindraSatyam.com

Mahindra Satyam 2010

30
30