Welcome to

Technically Write
with

Alistair King

Spoken vs Written

Spoken Language is impermanent

and negotiable

Written Language
is permanent and non-negotiable

Note that Written Language and Spoken Language have different structures.
Written Languag e

Spoken Language

Company

Old machines New machines

Evaluation

New product
Demand

Topic
What is the document about?

Topic

Revised Maintenance Procedures

We refer to the above. We refer to the above subject. We refer to the above-mentioned subject.

Topic Topic Sentence:

This report describes the revised maintenance procedures, initiated in March, 2009 and assesses their impact on production capacity.
A topic sentence expands or extends the title. Identifies, introduces or summarizes the topic.

Final Particulars of Extension of Time for Completion

In accordance with the Clause _______, of the Conditions of Contract,we enclose the final details in respect of the event referred to in our notification / letter of _______ .

Suspension of the Works due to Climatic Conditions on the Site

We write to inform you that the progress of the Works has been suspended by reason of climatic conditions on the Site

Read this paragraph and devise a title and a topic sentence.

Computer science appears to be in a period of crisis.

The globalization trend is moving programming jobs from Europe and the US to low-labour countries such as China or India. This appears to place computer science research and departments at risk of being considered as working on obsolete technologyHowever, the opposite is true. Computer science is on the verge of a new generation of computing that is leading to innovation not only in computing but also in business, science, and all other endeavours that depend on computing. It could be that this very volatile situation with regard to the l;abour market is of benefit to the industry.

Topic
establish the topic maintain the topic

Washing clothes is simple. First, arrange the clothes into groups according to their colours. In some cases, you may find that one group is sufficient. If you lack a washing machine, you may have to take the clothes to a laundry. It is important not to wash too many clothes at one time because faults in the washing machine may occur. Washing machine repairs are often expensive and time-consuming.

1/2

Washing Clothes
At first, washing clothes may appear complicated; soon however, it will become part of life. It is difficult to imagine dispensing with the need for washing clothes, but, in the future, it may be possible. After you have completed washing the clothes, arrange the clothes into groups according to who owns them and place them in their respective cupboards. In due course, they will be removed and worn again and then the cycle of washing clothes will be repeated.

2/2

e or Passi

Agent

Action

Patient

The cleaner
unimportant

cleans

the floor

A policeman

is going to arrest

that man

unnecessary

Somebody
unknown

has stolen

my wallet

The Passive Version:

(focus on the patient)

The floor is cleaned.

The Passive Version:

(focus on the patient)

That man is going to be arrested.

The Passive Version:

(focus on the patient)

My wallet has been stolen.

Passive Forms
Patient
(receives the action)

to be
(tense and mood) is are was were has been had been will be must be could be

Past Participle
(action)

The system The machine The house The window The supplier The lens

installed repaired built stolen cleaned contacted broken updated

Active or Passive?
A thorough investigation has been conducted and the causes have been identified. We have conducted a thorough investigation and we have identified the causes.

Active or Passive?
The technicians have identified the following faults:
Technicians Technicians Technicians Technicians

The following faults have been identified:

Faults Faults Faults Faults Faults

 The Contractor shall take every reasonable precaution to protect any section of the Works Every reasonable precaution shall be taken by the Contractor to protect any section of the Works

The Contractor shall give the Engineer, in writing, twenty-one days notice of the date The Engineer shall be given, in writing by the Contractor, twenty-one days notice of the date

Active or Passive
First we subjected the blintzer coils to the Hinzlefetzer stress test. Then we measured the stress effects in bluto units. We found an unusually low aggregation of blutomin in the coil material. Then we initiated another round of tests. Finally, we placed a telephone order for pizza and diet Coke.

Active or Passive
Passive: The form must be signed by the employee to authorize release of physician information to the insurance company.
Active: The employee must sign the form to authorize release of physician information to the insurance company.

Active or Passive
Passive: It should be noted that any change to the procedure must be recorded in the master file. Active/ Imperative: Note: When you change the procedure, record the change in the master file.

Passive: Static-sensitive components are stored in protective enclosures.

Active or Passive

Active/ Imperative: Store static-sensitive components in protective enclosures.

Grammatical Differences
Description Explanation Instruction
WHAT?

WHY? HOW?

Constructing a Solar Still

Stones to weigh down sheet

Plastic Sheet 1 Metre Smooth Stone Water will collect on underside of plastic sheet

Pan to collect water About 1 Metre

Break for Lunch

Language

Two

Aspects of Communication

Transactional
The basic message transmitted from the speaker/writer to the listener/reader

Pay now or well take you to court!

Please settle your bill by otherwise we shall have to resort to legal action.
Kindly be advised that failure to effect immediate payment will inevitably lead to the commencement of legal action.

I want it and I want it NOW!

Please give this your utmost priority.

I wonder if I could possibly ask you if you might

Two

Aspects of Communication

Transactional
The basic message transmitted from the speaker/writer to the listener/reader

Interactional
The reaction elicited by the way in which the message is presented

Transactional Interactional
Transactional language is used to convey "factual or propositional information" and has the primary purpose of "the efficient transference of information". Interactional language, by contrast, is used to establish and maintain social relationships. Discourse Analysis Brown, G and Yule,G (1983)

Sit Down ! Kindly assume a seated position. Would you mind sitting down ? Please take a seat. Would you like to take a seat ?

Effective communication is about making the right choices

Do you: demand or request?

reject or decline? complain or highlight?

Transactional + Interactional = Effective Communication

Certain features of some business documents militate against Effective Communication:

TAUTOLOGY VERBOSITY
CIRCUMLOCUTION

We hereby wish to inform of the following alterations to the schedule. Verbose OR

Ungrammatical

Please note the following alterations to the schedule.

As per your valued recent request, Verbose enclosed herewith please find a copy of the above-mentioned report for your Archaic kind perusal and necessary action. Tautologous OR

We are enclosing a copy of the report which you requested.

Kindly be advised of our revised Verbose operating procedure, as noted below:

Impersonal

Or Please note our revised operating procedure:

The teleconversation this Verbose morning with your goodself refers OR

Archaic Unfocused

As I/you/we suggested/clarified/requested/agreed /decided/highlighted on the telephone this morning,

In the event of any enquiries, please do Verbose not hesitate to contact the undersigned. Circumlocutious

Impersonal

OR Please contact me/us if you have any enquiries.

We would appreciate it, if you could attend to the above-mentioned Verbose matter at your earliest possible convenience.

Circumlocutious

Or We would appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.

Dear Valued Customer,

We refer to the above.

We look forward to your favourable reply.

CLEAR: The document can be understood on the first reading. CONCISE: The document is down to an intelligent and intelligible minimum. COMPLETE: All necessary material has been included. CORRECT: The document is accurately written and the points verifiable. COURTEOUS: The document treats the reader with respect.

The five Cs

Communicative

alistair@aksb.com.my

a TENSE afternoon!

Tense
Present Perfect

We have accepted the invitation to the function.

Simple Past
We accepted the invitation on 25th January.

Simple Past
They cancelled the function on 26th January.

Past Perfect
We had accepted the invitation to the function when they cancelled the function.

Simple Past

The bridge collapsed because it rained heavily.

The bridge collapsed because it rained heavily.

The bridge collapsed because it rained heavily.

The bridge collapsed because it had rained heavily.

The student failed his exam because he played football the whole time.

The student failed his exam because he HAD played football the whole time.

He sustained an electric shock because he had touched the live wire.

Time Line

PRESENT PERFECT

PAST PERFECT

PRESENT PERFECT

SIMPLE PAST

NOW

Time Line
I have visited Los Angeles.

In / By 1989, I had visited Los Angeles. Since 1989, I have visited Los Angeles.

I visited Los Angeles in 1989. 1989 SIMPLE PAST 2013 NOW

Iwamatsu Ltd.
was established (establish) in 1935 to Iwamatsu Limited ____________ manufacture machine tools and mining equipment. In 1985, expanded the company ____________ (expand) its production to has developed include farm tractors. Since then, Iwamatsu _____________ (develop) a wide range of sophisticated mining equipment. has grown The workforce ___________ (grow) to its current strength of ranked 15,600 worldwide. In 1995, it __________ (rank) No.4 in the world in the production of construction equipment. have increased (increase) In the last fifteen years, sales __________ totalled by an average of 14% annually. Sales in 1995 __________ (total) 583 billion Yen, which was a jump of 21% over the previous year. has received Since 1965, the company _____________ (receive) the prestigious Bentley Prize for quality control no fewer than seven times.

AC200
was introduced (introduce) onto In 2001, the AC200 ____________ had become the market to replace AC100, which ___________ (become) unable to cope with the increased workload of many users. In was expected 2001, the sustainable market life of the AC200 ___________ have surpassed (expect) to be five years. However, sales ___________ (surpass) expectations. Indeed, in the last twelve months have shown sales ___________ (show) an increase of 12%. In order to capitalise on the success of the AC200, a has been developed (develop) modified version, the AC200e, _____________ will be launched (launch) before the end of this year. and ___________

Dear

Super-Sealer Concrete We would like to draw your attention to Super-Sealer has arrived (arrive) on the Concrete, which [1]__________ Malaysian market within the last month. Yesterday met morning, we [2]__________ (meet) with representatives of Maxwell Mixwell Cement Sdn Bhd, the company which has the sole distribution rights for this product in Malaysia. The MMC representatives showed (show) us samples of this product before [3]________ provided and after mixing and [4]__________ (provide) us with ingredient specifications, a copy of which we are enclosing.

Super-Sealer Concrete contains the water-resistant was developed (be substance Impervion, which [5]_____________ developed) by Swedish scientists in 2002. Since then, has been used (be used) in a variety Impervion [6]_____________ of construction projects with flat concrete roofs, for example, the 35-storey Political Prisoner Rehabilitation Centre in Yangon and the shark-shaped New Sydney Opera House. Super-Sealer Concrete comes with a 25-year warranty against leaks.

presented (present) our proposal When we [7]__________ with estimate of cost to you in October, Superhad not become (not become) Sealer Concrete [8]______________ available in Malaysia. However, we now feel that this concrete would be of great benefit if used in the concrete roofing slabs for both the main office block and the adjacent car park. This would incur an additional cost to you of approximately RM70,000.

Please let us know if you agree to this in principle and we will provide you with a new, detailed estimate to reflect the additional cost. Yours sincerely

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

installed; have encountered noticed; had cracked switched; came bought; has serviced began; had used reported; had seen cost; have risen occurred; had forgotten took; have not repaired have replaced; replaced

Break

* Welcome *
Day 2


It was raining and I opened my umbrella.
It was raining so I opened my umbrella.

COHESION
Linking Devices
Anticipations Qualifications Relatives

Microsoft Scandisk

Because Windows was not shut down properly,

one or more of your drives may have errors on it.

Exit 100%

Relatives
1. Tin, which is one of Malaysias most important natural resources, is exported to many countries. Tin, which is exported to many countries, is one of Malaysias most important natural resources.

2.

Principal Clause

Tin is exported to many countries.

Relative Clause
Subordinate Clause

which Tin is one of Malaysias most important natural resources.

E = Clause

Clause

E P
P = Principal S = Subordinate R = Relative

Relatives

1.
Tin, which is one of Malaysias most important natural resources, is exported to many countries.

Tin, which is exported to many countries, is one of Malaysias most important natural resources.

Relatives

2.
Tin is mined in Perak, which is one of Malaysias richest states.

Perak, where tin is mined, is one of Malaysias richest states.

Relatives

3.
The price of tin is heavily dependent on world demand, which has fluctuated considerably in recent years.

World demand, on which the price of tin is heavily dependent, has fluctuated considerably in recent years.

Relatives

4.
These fluctuations have seriously affected some tin producers, who have gone out of business. Some tin producers, whom these fluctuations have seriously affected, have gone out of business.

Relatives

5.
Many tin workers, whose tin mines have been closed, have had to look for other work.

Relatives

Place the relative pronoun next to what it

refers to.

Place the principal information in the

principal clause.

Par

Capital of France ?

What is the capital of France ?

Paris
or

Paris which stands on the River Seine

Dal Lake, Kashmir

Project Feasibility Project

Dal Lake Conserv ation

Grammatical Parallelism

Grammatical Parallelism is a term which indicates that all of the items in a list should share the same grammatical feature.

Observe Grammatical Parallelism

Turn the screw anti-clockwise to loosen. Pull the red-coated wire out from the clamp. Repeat the same procedure for the black-coated wire. OR The screw must be turned anti-clockwise to loosen. The red-coated wire must be pulled out from the clamp. The same procedure must be repeated for the black-coated wire.

A. Say what is wrong with this and correct it:

I enjoy playing tennis, swimming and to climb mountains.

B. Say what is wrong with this and correct it: Post of Marketing Trainee SPM graduate of any discipline Good communication and customer service skills Experience is an ADVANTAGE BUT NOT required Possess drive to succeed Fresh graduates / school leavers are encouraged to apply

C. Say what is wrong with this and correct it: Instructions 1.Switch off the mains power supply 2.Remove the plug from the wall socket 3.Unscrewing of the four nuts marked A 4.The metal cover must be removed 5.Red lever - place in a vertical position

Sample 1
Dismental old unit OB and replace the new unit. After testing, the problem still around. Checking and troubleshooting the have relay separation signal having trouble due to supply and relay not enough current to support the coil induction. Change the different type relay Tested OK, New OB taken back, currently still using old.

Sample 2
Troubleshooting intercom . Checking and trace cable Trace jelly

Sample 3
Send maintenance checklist to Collect maintenance checklist

Sample 4
Quarter yearly service and maintenance for UPS for the month of June 2011 Record the battery reading and UPS condition completed

Sample 5 Install 2 units controller Setting database for mixed mode Testing and commissioning

Break for Lunch

Welcome back!

Manual of Operations
Accounting software users manual Procedures for manufacturing Owners Operation Manual Human Resource Policies Manual

Operations Manual for opening a restaurant franchise

Manual of Operations
What does it have? What can it do? How to do it?

Manual of Operations
Sequencing
Prerequisites Instructions Warnings

Prerequisites

Warnings

Instructions

Manual of Operations

Rewiring a table lamp

Lab Reports

Lab Reports

Lab Reports
Title Page Introduction Materials Method Data Results
Analysis Deduction Recommendations Figures and Graphs References

Components of a Technical Report

Introduction

Findings Symptoms Conclusions Diagnosis

Recommendations Treatment

Components of an Executive Summary

Introduction

Conclusions Diagnosis
Recommendations Treatment

INTERGON INC
Report on Problems with Machines 3 and 6

Intergon Inc.

Introduction
This report sets out the reasons for the frequent breakdowns on Machine 3 and 6 and identifies the measures to prevent similar recurrences. The problems need to be addressed since there have been hold-ups in production.

Intergon Inc.

Machine 3
Conclusions Inadequate internal 1st level support Poor response time from vendor Training Issues
Operators are not trained prior to machine installation Inadequate number of operators are trained
Intergon Inc.

Machine 3
Conclusions No proper procedures in place
Machine handling Quality assurance Contingency plan for breakdown Duty schedule

No spare parts kept for emergency breakdown

Intergon Inc.

Machine 6
Conclusions No regular maintenance No safety measures in place
Workplace Personnel

Intergon Inc.

Recommendations
Train Internal technicians to provide 1st level support Institute training for workforce
Negotiate training package with vendor Introduce peer training by supervisors

Revise and enforce maintenance contract to include:

Vendors response time Liability for consequential losses and damages

Formulate Operations Manual

Intergon Inc.

Recommendations
Set up quality assurance team Set up Business Continuity and Contingency Plan to include:
Using other machines as temporary replacement Requesting other factories in group to despatch stocks

Provide training on first aid and purchase first aid kits

Intergon Inc.

Recommendations
Introduce insurance scheme for staff Carry out regular maintenance on machines Identify critical machine parts and keep stocks for contingencies Set in place a Duty Schedule and allocate relief staff

Intergon Inc.

Recommendation
It is imperative for the Management to look into the conclusions and the recommendations to solve the frequent breakdowns and delay in production.

Intergon Inc.

Thank You!
All the very best!

Thank You!

A good report is :
(may be understood on the first reading)

CLEAR

(down to an intelligent and intelligible minimum)

CONCISE

(includes all necessary information)

COMPLETE CORRECT

(accurate and verifiable)

All the best in your technical writing!