It is a matter of the gravest possible importance to the health of anyone with a history of a problem with disease of the heart that he or she should avoid the sort of foods with a high percentage of saturated fats. ELIMINATE VERBAL FAT! How can you make the sentence more concise without changing the original intent? Suggested revision People with a history of heart disease should avoid foods high in saturated fats. [42 words 14 words] Be concise! What does the sentence say? What is the most important idea? How can you convey that message in as few words as possible? SPECIFIC METHODS FOR ACHIEVING CONCISENESS Avoid redundancies Examples: deliberate lie join together final outcome few in number
She circled around the globe. She circled the globe. Avoid subject-deferring expletives Examples: there are, it is, there have been
There are three reasons why I love English. Okay if followed by a listing.
There are three majors offered by the business department. The business department offers three majors. Avoid cluttering sentences with nouns Use precise verbs instead. Do not depend on crutch verbs: forms of do, make, take, have, go, get, be
The building had the appearance of being newly renovated. The building appeared. The committee took the proposal under consideration. The committee considered. Eliminate adjective clauses examples: who are, which was, that had been
The Titanic, which was a huge ocean liner, sank in 1912. The Titanic, a huge ocean liner. Replace prepositional phrases with single words He was of a kindly nature. He was kind.
at this point in time now currently Avoid due to the fact Due to the fact that she had not studied, she flunked the test. Because she had not studied.... Prune intensifiers Examples: very, a lot, great, really, absolutely, definitely, quite, too, terrible, dreadful If was another very routine start to a two- week vacation. I definitely had no set plans. I was really curious about sailing. I went to an absolutely gorgeous lake. I had a lot of fun. Dont overuse no and not Put your statements in positive form.
She did not do well on the test. She did poorly....
She was not acquitted. She was convicted.
Use active voice Avoid passive voice. In active voice, the subject is doing the action. Whos doing it? What are they doing?
The new spending bill was vetoed by the governor. The governor vetoed.... The tests were passed out by Ms. Chapman. Ms. Chapman passed out.... Be concrete & precise Avoid clichs, euphemisms, and abstractions.
Josh suspected that he would be in an unemployment- type of situation when the overflow of customers due to the Christmas shopping circumstances was no longer in effect. Josh suspected he would be laid off after the Christmas rush. Mrs. Honeychurch entered the eternal heavenly realm on Tuesday. She will be committed to her final resting place on Thursday. Mrs. Honeychurch passed away on Tuesday. Her funeral will be Thursday.
Combine sentences Avoid choppy S/V structures.
The President serves a four-year term. She may seek re-election when it is over. After serving a four-year term, the President may seek re-election. ADD MORE CONTENT, NOT EXTRA WORDS! DEADWOOD, FLUFF, CLUTTER, PADDING, OR B.S. NEVER SUBSTITUTES FOR NEW IDEAS, STRONG REASONS, CONCRETE DETAILS, OR ADDITI ONAL EVIDENCE. George Orwells Rules for Clear Writing Never use a clich. Never use a long word where a short one will do. Never use the passive voice where you can use the active. Never use a foreign phrase if you can think of an everyday English equivalent. If it is possible to cut a word out, always leave it out. Credits Presentation prepared by Carole Ann Chapman Ivy Tech Community College Eliminate There Waste! There is is a Problem Eliminate There Waste There are many options available to employees.
Employees have many options. There are certain issues that deserve comprehensive legislative review.
Certain issues deserve comprehensive legislative review. There are some alternatives being proposed that also need to be reviewed.
Some proposed alternatives require reviewing. We need to review some proposed alternatives. There are a few issues we wish to respond to from the September meeting.
We wish to respond to a few issues from the September meeting. There are presently 15 staff members who make up the fiscal division.
Presently, 15 staff members form the fiscal division. The fiscal division employs 15 staff members. I. 1. I finally understood the lecturers point. 2. The director revises departmental policy. 3. The university needs to improve food quality in the dorms. Use precise, concrete, active verbs Eliminate subject-deferring expletives. II. 1. Children usually learn to swim faster if taught early. 2. Some blame television for todays poor reading skills. 3. Others argue that reading skills have not seriously declined.