NEGOTIATION

PROCESS
ACTIVE LISTENING
INSTRUCTOR:
PROF.Dr. Azize ERGENEL

SUNUM TARH:14 MART 2007

WHAT IS LISTENING?
If

you ask a group of people to give

a one word description of listening,
some would say hearing.

BUT LISTENING

Is following and understanding the

sound---it is hearing with a purpose.

DEFINITION OF LISTENING

The process of receiving, constructing

meaning from, and responding to
spoken and/or nonverbal messages; to
hear
something
with
thoughtful
attention

Listening
vs. Hearing
Hearing- physical process; natural; passive
Listening- physical & mental process;
active; learned process; a skill
Listening is hard!
You must choose to participate in the
process of listening.

Listening is a conscious activity

based on three basic skills:
1) Attitude
2) Attention
3) Adjustment

1)Attitude
Maintain a constructive Attitude
2)Attention

Strive to pay Attention

3)Adjustment

Cultivate a capacity for Adjustment

Empathy

What is it:
reflection of content and feeling at a
deeper level
Purpose:
To try and get an understanding of what
may be deeper feelings

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW

EMPATHIC
LISTENING
DIFFERS
FROM
THE
OTHER
TYPES
OF
LISTENING
A computer instructor explains with
enthusiasm how to use a new word
processing program

Focuses on the Program

She

certainly enjoys teaching this

word processing program.
I think she would enjoy teaching
any subject.
She seems very impressed with the
usefulness of this new version.

Focuses on Person
her

feelings about teaching

the importance to her of
teaching this particular program
her evaluation of the program

Empathizing
Empathizing does not mean you need
to agree with your partner
Empathizing does not mean you need
to give in to your partner
Empathizing means you do not dismiss
what your partner says as ridiculous
or silly.

It is easy to know when you are

being empathic because:
1. Your body language and tone match
2. Your tone and your feelings match
3. You are focused on what your partner
is saying and meaning.

Listening is needed
everywhere

Listening skills form the

basis of:
Continued learning
Teamwork skills
Management skills

Negotiation
Emotional

skills

intelligence

 But not practiced effectively

70% of all communication

is
Misunderstood
Misinterpreted
Rejected
Distorted
Not

heard

Listening is an active process

that has three basic steps.
1.
2.
3.

Hearing
Understanding
Judging

TYPES OF LISTENING

1. Inactive listening.

2. Selective listening.
3. Active listening
4. Reflective Listening

Active Listening

WHAT IS ACTIVE
LISTENING?

A way of listening and responding to another

person that improves mutual understanding.
A way of paying attention to other people that
can make them feel that you are hearing them
This type of listening is called active because it
requires certain behaviors of the listener.

WHY LISTEN
ACTIVELY?

Our brain works four times the speed that someone

can speak. You have to actively focus on listening so
that your mind doesnt wander.
It enriches you and those around you, and guides
other areas of your life.
It can build trust and respect between people, and
prevent misunderstandings that can lead to conflict,
frustration or hurt feelings.
While listening to other peoples point of view, you
may just learn something new and fascinating!

Do you know these?

We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 10003000 wpm

75% of the time we are distracted,
preoccupied or forgetful
20% of the time, we remember what we hear
More than 35% of businesses think listening
is a top skill for success
Less than 2% of people have had formal
education with listening

BENEFITS OF ACTIVE
LISTENING

It forces people to listen attentively to others.

It tends to open people up, to get them to say
more.
Shows empathy
Builds relationships

The Main Goals to Active

Listening

Maximize your understanding of the

others perspective

Minimize their defensiveness (and your

own, too)

KEY CONCEPTS OF ACTIVE

LISTENING

1. Display involvement in what the person is saying

2. Carefully observe the person speaking
3. Resist distractions
4. Try to stay focused on what is being said
5. Ask for clarification of anything that you do not
fully understand
6. Delay making judgments about what is said.

Active listeners speak 30% of the

time and listen 70% of the time.
Sometimes, we have to try hard not to
interrupt the only acceptable reason
is to clarify or confirm what has been
said.

Why is active listening

difficult?

When people are preoccupied with current

life stresses or difficult situations, it is hard
for them to listen.
Anxiety can make it hard to listen.
Being angry at the person who is talking also
makes it hard to listen.
Having an idea in mind of what a person
should do makes it hard to listen to that
person's point of view.

ACTIVE LISTENING BARRIERS

EXTERNAL BARRIERS

INTERNAL BARRIERS
Internal

Barriers Within
The Listener
Internal

Barriers Within
The Speaker

External Barriers
noises
clutter
other interruptions

Internal Barriers Within the Listener

Comparing
Personal Experience
Automatic Talking
Mind-Reading
Judging
Day Dreaming
Perceptual Errors

Barriers Within the Speaker

Expectations
Avoidance
Speaking in Code
Boundary

When to Use Active Listening

Inappropriate
Routine interactions
Physical emergencies

Appropriate
Organizational Crises
Conflict situations
Giving and receiving
feedback
Brainstorming, problem
solving
Seeking peers
cooperation

STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING

1) Listen
2) Question
3) Reflect-Paraphrase
4) Agree

Step 1: Listen

To Feelings As Well As Words

Words

Focus on Speaker
Dont

plan, speak, or get distracted

What Is Speaker Talking About?

Topic?

Emotions -- Implications

Speaker? Listener? Others?

Look At Speaker
Use Verbal & Non-Verbal Encouragers

Opening door to good conversation

shows an interest. But it must be
done sincerely, without judgment.
1) Verbal&non-verbal encourages
2) Non-verbal behavior

1 ) Encouragement

Convey interest and Keep the person talking.

Concentrate attention upon the speaker
Dont agree or disagree. Use noncommittal
words in a positive tone of voice.
Repeat one or two words of the person's
previous statement.
Be aware of your body language!
Use varying voice intonations

Use varying voice intonations

I see
Right
Uh huh
Okay
Sure
Yeah
Yes
Wow
Really?

2)Non-Verbal Behavior
Non-Verbal Active Listening Techniques:
Maintaining appropriate eye contact
with the interviewee.
Occasionally nodding affirmatively to
display understanding and interest.
Using expectant pauses to indicate to
the interviewee that more is expected

The various forms of

NVC

touch
sound
smell
timing and speed of delivery of speech
proximity
posture
dress
eye contact
gestures
facial expressions
use of silence

Communication through Eyes

2.Question

3 Purposes

Demonstrates

you are listening

Gather information
Clarification
When you asked some questions:
Show interest
Encourage more explanation
Keep the person talking
Ask questions but not too many

Types of Questions
1) YES/NO QUESTIONS
2) OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
3)PROBING OR FOLLOW-UP
QUESTIONS
4) LEADING QUESTIONS

1)YES/NO QUESTIONS(Closed
questions)
This

type of question involves

asking a question that requires only
a "YES" or "NO" response

2)OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS:
Observation: "What happened?"
Meaning: "What do you mean?"
Affect: "How do you feel?"
Motive: "What do you want?"
Action: "What will you do?"

3)PROBING/FOLLOW-UP
QUESTIONS

Asking another question to clarify or obtain

further information about a interviewees
response.

4)LEADING QUESTIONS

Phrased to indicate a preferred response

Indicates the auditor asking the
question isnt objective

Other Questioning Tips

Avoid asking multiple questions at once.

Generally, its best to start with open
questions
Best questions are short, clear, objective.
Ask questions in logical order.
Allow for quiet, thinking time.
Limit why-questions.
Take notes.

Step 3: Reflect-Paraphrase
In

that step we will use another

techniques for active listening;
1. Reflecting
2. Reframing
3. Paraphrasing
4. Acknowleding
5. Summarizing

1. REFLECTING
Reflect What Is Said (In your words)
Reflect Feelings

REFLECTING WHAT IS SAID

REFLECTING FEELINGS

Someone may say: Dont worry. Im fine

(when she actually looks very upset)
Reflecting, you say
You

say youre OK, but by the tone of your

voice, you seem upset, correct?

Act like a mirror and reflect feelings

that you see and hear.
This is
particularly useful when the persons
tone of voice or gestures dont match
the persons words.
OR just as a check

Seems like you had a fun time, right? OR

I sense youve become worried. Is that
so?

2.REFRAMING

Why You Do It?

to help the other person see their concerns in a new light

to broaden the meaning of an issue to identify needs or
interests
to diffuse negative feelings
to establish the focus for resolution

How You Do It?

recognize underlying needs

re-word concerns from negative neutral/positive past
future; problem opportunity; interpersonal system
rights/wrongs impacts positions interests singular
multiple

REFRAMING(cont.)

Concern: She always talks to everyone

else but me when there is a problem.

Reframe: It sounds as if you would like

more direct communication to resolve
concerns.

3.PARAPHASING

PARAPHRASE
the
speaker
to
acknowledge the story and capture
the content.
EXAMPLE: Lets see if I got this right.
Youre upset because you think were
going off in the wrong direction and you
want to clarify our objective before we
write this assignment. Is that right

CAUTION: Dont parrot back; be sure to

put the message in your own words
thats active listening.

Problem
Solving

Acknowledge

Feelings May Need

Acknowledgement
Before Effective
Problem Solving

FE
EL
IN
G

Problem
Solving Might
Not Work In the
Face of Strong
Feelings

FE
EL
IN
GS

4. ACKNOWLEDING

Problem
Solving

5.SUMMARIZE

Why You Do It?

to review progress
to pull together important
ideas and information
to establish a foundation for
further discussion
How You Do It?
restate the central ideas and
feelings you have heard

Example: Lets see if I have a clear understanding of

your experience at this point
So basically what is most important to you is

Step 4: Agree
Get Speakers Consent to Your
Reframing
Speaker Has Been Heard and Knows It!
Solution Is Near!

Remember that the objective of all of this

is increase understanding of the others
point of view, not necessarily to agree
with
it
or
support
it.

A good listener tries to

understand thoroughly what the
other person is saying. In the
end he may disagree sharply,
but before he disagrees, he
wants to know exactly what it is
he is disagreeing with.
Kenneth A. WELLS

Are You a Good Listener?

Do you frequently think of other things when others are
talking to you?
Do you doodle, shuffle papers, look at the clock or out the
window, read the newspaper,or watch TV?
Do you silently argue with the talker?
Do you only selectively hear ideas that fit your beliefs?
Do you feel most people have little to talk about that is
interesting or important?
Do you listen passively without any facial expressions?
Do you frequently interrupt others as they are speaking?
Do you complete sentences or ideas for people when they
pause to think?
Do you silently criticize characteristics of the speaker:
voice, looks, manner of speaking?
Do you have to ask people to repeat what they said because
you have forgotten?

ACTIVE LISTENERS
1. Be there
2. Listen carefully to the person
3. Accept the person and his/her
feelings
4. Stay with the other person's point of
view without becoming that person
5. Trust the person enough to keep out
of it

ACTIVE LISTENING
&NEGOTIATION
Active listening is important for
identifying and creating negotiating
goals, because listening helps to orient
the negotiator to the environment.

Because people do not learn much

while they are talking,
negotiators should attempt to
talk less than

50% of time.

In negotiation, there are FOUR major reasons to

listen:
1.To learn the other sides proposals and
strengths;
2.To discover the needs of constituents and
teammates
3.To discern subtle position changes and
openings; and
4.To show other side that their proposals are
understood.

CONCLUSION
Listening is a critical

communication skill
for managers and consultants, as well as
for all of us in our personal lives.
You can't negotiate effectively until you
understand what the other person wants.
Active listening, is crucial to achieving
your ultimate communication objectives.
Active listening is a skill that, like other
communication skills, must be developed .
By practicing you can develop these skills.