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Brief introduction
It's not always easy and often takes a lot of
determination. But making an effort to remove
the obstacles - tangible and intangible - that
stand in our way, can be the key to building
relationships that really work.
Many people think that communicating is easy.
It is after all something we've done all our lives.
There is some truth in this simplistic view.
Communicating is straightforward.
What makes it complex, difficult, and frustrating
are the barriers we put in the way:
1. Physical barriers
2. Perceptual barriers
The problem with communicating with others is that we all see the
world differently. If we didn't, we would have no need to
communicate: something like extrasensory perception would
take its place.
The following anecdote is a reminder of how our thoughts,
assumptions and perceptions shape our own realities:
A traveller was walking down a road when he met a man from the
next town. "Excuse me," he said. "I am hoping to stay in the next
town tonight. Can you tell me what the townspeople are like?"
"Well," said the townsman, "how did you find the people in the last
town you visited?"
"Oh, they were an irascible bunch. Kept to themselves. Took me for
a fool. Over-charged me for what I got. Gave me very poor
service."
"Well, then," said the townsman, "you'll find them pretty much the
same here."
3. Emotional barriers
4. Cultural barriers
Sequential or synchronic
Sequential culture
In sequential cultures (like North American, English,
German, Swedish, and Dutch), businesspeople give full
attention to one agenda item after another. In many other
parts of the world, professionals regularly do several
things at the same time. I once cashed a check at a
Panamanian bank where the teller was counting my
money, talking to a customer on the phone, and admiring
the baby in the arms of the woman behind me. To her, it
was all business as usual.
The American commoditization of time not only serves
as the basis for a "time is money" mentality, it can lead to
a fixation on timelines that plays right into the hands of
savvy negotiators from other cultures.
Synchronic culture
Affective or neutral
It's easy for people from neutral cultures to sympathize with the
Dutch manager and his frustration over trying to reason with "that
excitable Italian." After all, an idea either works or it doesn't work and the way to test the validity of an idea is through trial and
observation.
That just makes sense - doesn't it? Well, not necessarily to the
Italian who felt the issue was deeply personal, and who viewed any
"rational argument" as totally irrelevant!
When it comes to communication, what's proper and correct in one
culture may be ineffective or even offensive in another.
Culture is, basically, a set of shared values that a group of people
holds. Such values affect how you think and act and, more
importantly, the kind of criteria by which you judge others. Cultural
meanings render some behaviors as normal and right and others
strange or wrong.
5. Language barriers
6. Gender barriers
7. Interpersonal barriers
Conclusion
Working on improving your communications is a
broad-brush activity. You have to change your
thoughts, your feelings, and your physical
connections.
That way, you can break down the barriers that
get in your way and start building relationships
that really work.
THANK YOU!