Helping Children and

Teens
Exposed to Domestic
Violence
 Facts About Children and
Teens Exposed to Domestic
 Violence
At least 3 million children in the United States
live in abusive households.
 Children as young as 2 years old will emulate
violent behaviors, and may come to perceive
them as normal.
 An abused parent may not be able to
consistently respond to a child’s needs,
negatively affecting the parent-child bond.
Facts:

 Exposure to domestic violence during the

early years affects
 a child’s brain development,
 every developmental process the child
experiences

Damage occurs even when the child is not

consciously aware of violence in the home
Facts:

 Half of the girls whose mothers are battered

will become involved with abusive men.
 As many as 75 percent of children who see
their fathers battering their mothers have
behavioral problems.
 A history of family violence is one of the
greatest predictors of juvenile delinquency
later.
Facts:
 The rate of partner abuse was 1000% higher
for men who observed domestic violence in
their childhood than for men who came from
families without violence.
 Children and adolescents in families in which
domestic violence has occurred are 6–15
times more likely to be abused than those
who are not
 In cases of more severe domestic violence,
child abuse may coexist in as many as 77
percent of cases
Facts:
 Domestic violence perpetrators often use
children and adolescents as a control
tactic against adult victims.
 claiming the children’s bad behavior is the reason
for the assaults on the non- offending parent;
 threatening violence against children and their
pets in front of the non-offending parent;
 holding them hostage or abducting them in an
effort to punish the adult victim or to gain
compliance;
 talking negatively to them about the abused
parent’s behavior
 How Exposure to Domestic
Violence
May Effect Children and Teens
Trauma:
 Any experience that poses overwhelming
physical and/or psychological threats, and
cause extreme fear and a sense of
powerlessness
 Normal human response to trauma:
Complex changes in brain and body
“Fight or Flight”
The impact of trauma may
vary from:
 Temporary loss of sense of trust in life
and others
to
 Long term and severe symptoms such as
depression, anxiety, phobias and other
psychological problems
 Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder
The long-term symptoms caused by trauma,
which disrupt an individual's capacity to function
 Traumatic stress - produced by exposure to events so
extreme or severe and threatening, that they demand
extraordinary coping efforts
 events are often unpredicted and uncontrollable.
 Events overwhelm a person's sense of safety and security

 PTSD - involves patterns of avoidance and hyper-

arousal.
 Victims may begin to organize their lives around their trauma
 Childhood Exposure to Domestic
Violence
 is related to higher rates of PTSD and other
adverse consequences in childhood and in later
life than other “non-personal” traumatic events
or acts of violence . . .

WHY?
 Betrayal Trauma

These children feel betrayed because:

 Trauma is caused by being hurt by those who
are supposed to protect.
 “no safe place”

– My caregiver cannot protect self

and “can’t protect me”

 Aggressor and victim are child’s role models for

learning social and emotional skills
How Domestic Violence Exposed
Children May
Feel
CONFUSED
 feel split down the middle
 loves both parents

 conflicted –
 what I see happening compared to what I am told
happened

 sent many mixed messages

 Example: “If you hadn’t made me angry I wouldn’t have
had to hit you!”

 Child learns that:

 one isn’t responsible for own actions
 it is okay to hurt or be hurt by someone you love if they
do something to make you angry
Scared
 constant worry about possible danger
and/or the safety of loved ones

Guilty
 blame themselves and feel responsible
for the violence
“If I was a better kid and didn’t get in trouble . . .”
Angry

High levels of externalizing aggression
 easily engage in fights,
 destruction of property
 other activities, which can have devastating
social implications.

Anxious
 May internalize aggression, which causes:
 withdrawal,
 anxiety
 depression
Helpless
 Feel responsible for protecting the victimized
parent and siblings from the aggression

 When protection strategies do not work, they

feel powerless and angry
 - with one parent for their violence
 - with the other for their perceived weakness
 - for doing something to “deserve” the abuse
Numb
 Desensitized to aggressive behavior.
 Aggression becomes part of the
“norm” and is less likely to signal
concern to them
How Domestic Violence Exposed
Children May
Behave
 Easily startled - exaggerated startle response
 Reluctance to try new things - low self-
esteem and lack of confidence
 Excessive tiredness - sleep difficulties or
nightmares
 Frequent physical complaints - headaches,
stomachaches
 Outbursts of anger - toward peers, adults or
self
 Bullying and/or aggression - toward peers or
animals
 Expressing stereotyped beliefs - rigid male
and female roles
 Perfectionistic - upset when self or others are not
perfect
 ADD/ADHD – may display similar symptoms
 Sadness or withdrawal - from friends and
activities
 Dissociation - periods of extreme dreaminess or
disconnectedness
 Eating problems/eating disorders –
overeating, binge eating, anorexia, bulimia
 Self-harming behaviors - cutting, burning
 Unhealthy abusive relationships – dating
violence as victim or aggressor
 High risk behavior - including criminal
activities, alcohol and substance abuse
 School truancy or leaving home
 Suicidal thoughts and/or actions
Helping the child to break
the silence
 Parents may:
 try to hide it from the child
 try to minimize what happened
 need to believe that child is not affected
 Family denial – “don’t talk” rules

 Children may:
 want someone outside the family to find out about the
family problems
 May offer clues through
 behavior,
 journals or writing assignments
 conversations
 artwork.
Ask questions that show your concern and
that may provide an opportunity for the child
or teen to disclose –
 “Draw me a picture of your family.” or “Tell
me a story about your family”
 “Are you worried about anyone in your
family?”
 “I'm worried about you and the other
children when you threaten them. I'd like to
help you develop better relationships with
people. Do you have any ideas about why
you behave in this manner?”
Listen to child’s responses in
a warm, non-judgmental, and
genuine manner
 Children may not disclose information upon the
first request, but helpful seeds are being planted
that may lead to later disclosure about violence at
home
 Conversation may be an important first step in
their seeking further support
 When Exposure to
Domestic Violence is
Known
or Highly Suspected
Things you might ask or
say:
 Arguments and disagreements happen in all
families. What happens in your family when
your mom and dad (stepfather, mom's
boyfriend) disagree?
 Do you ever hear yelling or see fighting and
hitting?
 How did this make you feel?
 Are you ever afraid that your mom will be
hurt?
 Can you remember a time when she was
hurt?
 What happened that time (or the last time that
happened)?

 What was the worst argument/violence you

ever saw?
 What do you do when the violence starts?
 Have you ever called the police or tried to
help?
 Did you ever get hurt?

 Have the police been involved?

 Do you ever try to get help?
 What do you do?

 Are there any safe places where you try to

go when it looks like there will be trouble?
 Do you get hit or hurt at home?
 Do you get threatened?
 Do other bad things happen to you?
 Has this been a secret in the family, or
do other people know about it?
 How do you feel about me talking to your
mom about this?
 Let's talk about how you can be safe the
next time something like this happens.
What to say - if a child
discloses
 You did the right thing to tell about this
problem. No one should be abused.
 This is happening to other families in our
community, and there are people who can
help.
 Reassure them by validating their feelings:
 Sounds like that was scary for you. Are you
okay?
 Talk to them about keeping themselves
safe the next time violence occurs
 This is called a safety plan. You can talk about where
the child can go, whether it is to his/her room or to a
neighbor’s house, and what the child can do.
 Do not criticize or speak negatively about
the batterer.
 Criticism may cause the youth to feel that he/she
cannot talk about the abuse.
 Young people often have confused or mixed feelings
about the batterer.
 Child can feel very angry at and loyal to a parent at the
same time.
 Do not make commitments you cannot
honor
 “I will keep you safe”
 “I won’t let him hurt your mother anymore”;
 “I won’t tell anyone what you told me.”

 Contact Child Welfare Services.

 If there appears to be serious emotional harm
to the child from witnessing the abuse
 If it is a borderline case, (you are not sure
whether you should report)
 you can do so without mentioning names until
you get advice on whether the case is
reportable.

 Refer the child or teen to specialized

group or individual therapy
 to deal with the experience of witnessing
abuse
 to engage in secondary prevention for future
violent situations.
 Summary:
What Children and
Adolescents Need for
Healing to Begin
 Breaking the silence about the
abuse.
 Learning about safety planning in
case the abuse recurs.
 Learning that they were not at fault.
 Processing the traumatic memories
in a safe and nurturing environment
 Learning new coping strategies
 Learning about equality in
relationships and dispelling myths
about domestic violence
 Learning that there are alternatives to
violence in relationships and that
violence is not acceptable