Habit 3: Put first things first

Learning to overcome fear and peer

pressure
Last week we talked about time management. It is really about
how you are setting your own priorities. However, sometimes
other peoples priorities can start to impact your own. That is
where learning to overcome fear and peer pressure can be very
helpful.
 2. Learning to overcome fear
and peer pressure
It takes courage and
guts to stay true to your
values and standards,
especially when you feel
pressured to do what
everyone else is doing.

Putting your first things

first takes courage and it
often requires you to
move outside of your
comfort zone and into
the courage zone.
 The Comfort Zone and
the Courage Zone

Your comfort zone represents things youre familiar with, your

regular haunts, friends you are comfortable with and activities you
love doing. Your comfort zone is risk free. Within these boundaries
you feel safe and secure.
The courage zone is filled with adventure, risk and challenge.
This zone is also filled with uncertainty, pressure, change and the
possibility of failure. However, it is also a place for
opportunity and the only place where that will help you to
reach your full potential.
Being courageous can be difficult but without challenge you
cannot change or grow. By sticking by your values and goals, you
will succeed and find yourself more wiling to take a risk next time.
Review from Habit 3: Put First Things
First
Time Management: Time Quadrants
As you recall, we ALL spend some time in each quadrant, the key is to
shift as much time as possible into Quadrant 2.
The only way to spend more time in Quadrant 2 is to reduce the amount
of time you spend in the other quadrants.
Some ways to do this are:
Reduce time in Quadrant 1 by procrastinating less
Learn to say no to unimportant things in Quadrant 3
Cut down on time wasting activities in Quadrant 4
 Review from Habit 3: Put First Things First
Time Management: Big rocks and little rocks

By using the technique to identify the big rocks in your life, you will have
a better chance to accomplish those important and urgent things in your
life. Once these big rock items are accomplished, you will find that you
will have more time to accomplish the smaller things that you want to
do.
 Transition
The first 3 habits were concerned with personal growth.
1. Be Proactive
2. Begin with the end in mind
3. Put first things first

The next 3 habits have to do with cooperation with other

people.
The next 3 habits (Habits 4, 5 & 6) are:
4. Think Win-Win
5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
6. Synergize

Today we are going to begin with Habit 4: Think Win-Win.

 Habit 4: Think Win Win
Thinking win-win is an attitude towards life, a mental frame of
mind that says I can win, and so can you. Its not me or
you, its both of us.

It is a foundation for getting along well with other people.

It begins with the belief that we are all equal, that no one is
inferior or superior to anyone else, and the whole point of win-
win is that no one really needs to be.
 Combinations that are NOT Win-Win

Win-Lose The totem pole

Lose Win The Doormat

Lose Lose The Downward Spiral

We will go over each of these individually before talking about the

Win-Win scenario
 Win-Lose The totem pole

It states that you dont care how good you are as long as youre a notch
higher on the totem pole then someone else
This type of situation is an attitude toward life that says the pie of
success is only so big, and if someone else get a bigger piece of the pie,
there is less for me.

Some examples of win lose:

1. Trying to get ahead at the expense of someone else
2. Always insisting on getting your way without thinking about other
peoples feelings
3. Getting jealous when something good happens to someone else
 Lose Win The Doormat

This is known as the doormat. You are the peacemaker, you are the
nice guy or girl. It is easier to give in, all in the name of peace.
When adopting a lose-win philosophy towards life, you allow
people to walk all over you. A lot of times you end up hiding your
true feelings and that can be unhealthy.
You find yourself setting low expectations and compromising
your standards. An example of this has to do with peer pressure.
For example: Your friends want to skip school but you dont.
However, but because the group wants you to, you give in. In
essence, your friends won but you lost. You compromised your
standards so that you could keep the peace and not have conflict
with your friends.
 Lose Lose The Downward Spiral

The idea behind lose lose is that if Im going down, then

youre going with me. After all misery loves company.

War is an excellent example of lose-lose. What is the purpose of

war? Loss of life, whomever inflicts the largest loss of life wins.
Obviously this is a loss for both sides, even the winner.

Revenge is another example of lose-lose. By getting revenge,

you may think you are winning, but youre really only hurting
yourself.
 Win-Win: the all you can eat buffet!
This is the belief that everyone can win. It is about compromise: I
wont step on you but I also wont be your doormat.

You care about other people and what them to succeed but you
also care about yourself, and you want to succeed too.

Win-win is ABUNDANT. It is the idea that there is enough to go

around (i.e. the all you can eat buffet).

Its not you or me who wins, but us.

 So how do you think win-win?
The first is to be confident in yourself and your abilities. The
more secure you are in who you are and what you believe in, the
easier it will be to think win-win when situations arise.
For example, if are jealous or threatened by other people and
their success, it will be difficult for you to be happy when good
things happen to them.
This is especially true if you were unsuccessful in an area where
you were competing for the same thing (i.e. you both applied for
the same scholarship and your friend got the scholarship and you
did not).
By being confident in yourself, it allows you to be happy for
the victories of your friends, which makes you feel good as well.
 So how do you think win-win (cont.)
There are 2 actions, that if avoided can enable a win-win mindset.

1. Being overly competitive. Competition is healthy and when

you compete against yourself, it challenges you to become your best
self. It becomes unhealthy when your self-worth is tied to whether
you win or lose or when you use it in a way to put yourself above
someone else.

2. Comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others

can make you feel unstable. We can feel inferior one minute (we see
someone doing better than us) or superior the next (we are doing
something better than someone else). The only good (and healthy)
comparisons are ones you make against your own potential.
 Exercise
For each of the following situations, lets figure out which scenario
we have.

1. Jen and I want to do something on Friday night. I want to see a

movie and she wants to go out to dinner. Ultimately, we go to a
movie but not to dinner. What scenario is this?

2. Jen and I want to do something on Friday night. I want to see a

movie and she wants to go out to dinner. Ultimately we decide
to have an early dinner and then go see a movie. What scenario
is this?
 Exercise

For each of the following situations, lets figure out which scenario
we have.

3. Jen and I want to do something on Friday night. I want to see a

movie and she wants to go out to dinner. Ultimately we do not
go see a move but we do go out to dinner. What scenario is this?

4. Jen and I want to do something on Friday night. I want to see a

movie and she wants to go out to dinner. Ultimately we cant
decide what movie we want to see or where we want to eat, so
we dont do either. What scenario is this?
 Review

The ___________ zone is filled with adventure, risk and challenge.

This zone is also filled with uncertainty, pressure, change and the
possibility of failure. However, it is also a place for opportunity and
the only place where that will help you to reach your full potential.

Your __________ zone represents things youre familiar with, your

regular haunts, friends you are comfortable with and activities you
love doing. Your comfort zone is risk free. Within these boundaries
you feel safe and secure.
 Review
Situation Definition

a. You allow people to walk all over you and

1. Win Lose sometimes sacrifice your standards. Known
as the doormat.
b. Everybody wins. Also referred to the all
2. Lose - Win you can eat buffet.

c. The most important aspect is that you are

3. Lose Lose one notch higher as far as success than
someone else. Referred to as the totem pole.
d. The idea that if I am going down, you are
4. Win Win going with me. Referred to al the downward
spiral.
 Review

In order to help a win-win mindset:

Be _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ in yourself and your abilities.

Avoid being overly _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

Avoid _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ yourself to others.

 Personal Mission Statement

A few weeks back we started our personal mission statement. Please

take the last 10 minutes of class to work on it.

Next week we will talk about Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to
be understand.

Have a great week!!!