Laws of Human Nature

Summary
 Divided into 18 Laws
• Mastering your emotional self
• Transform Self-love into empathy
• See through People’s masks
• Determine the Strength of People’s character
• Become an elusive object of desire
• Elevate your perspective
• Soften People’s resistance by conforming their self opinion
• Change your circumstances by changing your attitude
• Confront your dark side
• Beware the Fragile ego
• Know your limits
• Reconnect to the Masculine or Feminine within you
• Advance with a sense of purpose
• Resist the Downward Pull of the Group
• Make them want to follow you
• See the Hostility behind the friendly façade
• Seize the Historical moment
• Meditate on our common Mortality
 Mastering your Emotional Self
• The Law of Irrationality
• We are largely unaware of how our emotions dominate us
• They make us veer towards ideas that soothe our ego
• They make us look for evidence that confirms what you already
want to believe
• Rationality is the ability to counteract these emotional effects, to
think instead of react, to open your mind to what is really
happening, as opposed to what you are feeling.
• This does not come freely. It is a power we must cultivate.
• There are 3 STEPS
• 1: Recognizing the biases
• 2: Being aware of the inflaming factors to our irrationality
• 3: Strategies to bringing out the rational self
• What leads to bad decision making is our inherent and deep rooted irrationality.
• We have deep rooted biases. We need to recognize them in order to rid ourselves of this emotional
blind spot.
• Confirmation Bias, Conviction Bias, Appearance Bias, The Group Bias, The Blame Bias, Superiority
Bias.
• BEWARE AND IDENTIFY OUR BIASES
• Confirmation Bias: We go in search of evidence that supports our view only, overlooking competing
points of view that offer a different conclusion.
• Conviction Bias: We hold on to an idea that is secretly pleasing to us, but deep inside we have
doubts as to it’s truth, and so we go an extra mile to convince ourselves to believe it with extra
vehemence and to loudly contradict anyone who challenges us.
• Appearance Bias: Appearances of people are usually misleading, and we tend to make a judgment
early on,. Remember that humans are master social animals, able to cultivate masking.
• Group Bias: We are inherent social animals whom opinions from other people can influence our
daily decision making. We are terrified from social exclusion from a group. We are unaware of this
pull towards the groups thinking, and so we think that we came up with those ideas alone, and
without coercion.
• The Blame Bias: We do not look too closely at the mistakes that we did. We’d like to believe that
we like to learn from our mistakes and failures. Our introspection is limited. Our natural response is
to blame others, circumstances or a momentary lapse of judgment. It is too painful to look at our
own mistakes. It pokes at our ego. Desire and emotion will blind us again and we will repeat the
same mistakes over and over again.
• Superiority Bias: We easily find irrationality in others, but fail to recognize it within ourselves.
 STEP 2: THE INFLAMING FACTORS
• Trigger points from early childhood
• The vulnerabilities from early childhood remain deep in our minds throughout our lives.
• These actions come out in our present as emotional moments that seem to be out of character.
• We are programmed to repeat the same experience of the past into our present and we must be aware of these
tendencies.
• Sudden Gains or Losses
• Anything that happens quickly is very dangerous.
• We have a powerful jolt of arousal and energy leading to the desire to repeat this experience. It can be the start of
any addiction or manic behavior.
• Also when gains come quickly, we tend to lose sight of the basic wisdom that true success, to really last, must
come through hard work.
• Rising Pressure
• The mask of people will come off when there is rising stress and pressure.
• You must watch yourself carefully. Monitor any signs of unusual brittleness or sensitivity, sudden suspicions, fears
disproportionate to the circumstances. You are bound to experience emotional leakage under rising stress. But
through self awareness and reflection you can prevent yourself from making decisions you will come to regret.
• Inflaming Individuals
• There are people in the world who by their nature tend to trigger powerful emotions in almost everyone they
encounter.
• They try to cast a larger than life image, a mythic, intimidating quality; but in fact they are too human, full of the
same insecurities and weaknesses we all possess. Recognize these human traits and Demythologize them.
• The Group Effect
• Similar to the Group Bias, but this is higher grade. We become different when we are in a huge group. Let your
rationality take over and be skeptical when a demagogue plays with the fire of high emotion.
 STEP 3: Strategies to bringing out the
rational self
• Know yourself thoroughly
• Examine your emotions to their roots
• Accept people as facts (Remember that Narcissists,
passive aggressors and other inflamers behave the way
they do because they are still seeking fulfillment, albeit
irrationally). BUT a logic that makes sense to them.
• They shouldn’t therefore elicit hatred, but rather a pity.
Think like a writer when approaching people like this,
even the worst sorts!
• Find the optimal balance of thinking and emotion
• Love the rational
 Transform Self-Love into Empathy
• The Law of Narcissism
• We all possess the remarkable tool for connecting to people and attaining
social power – empathy.
• The instrument of empathy is blunted by our habitual self-absorption.
• We are all narcissists, some deeper on the spectrum than others.
• Our mission in life is to direct this self-love outward instead of inward.
• We must recognize the narcissists among us before getting enmeshed in
their dramas and poisoned by their envy.
 4 Components that go into the
Empathic skill set
• The empathic attitude
- Begin with the assumption that you’re ignorant, instead of judging someone.
- Each person you meet is like an undiscovered country, with their own unique psychological
chemistry.
- Developing your empathy will also improve your creative powers.
- When we do a mistake, we tend to attribute it to external factors that drove us to make that
mistake. Whereas if someone else did a mistake, then we attribute that as a character flaw.
- Give people the same benefit of the doubt that you give to yourself to try and understand
what drove their behaviors.
- Visceral Empathy
- Putting ourselves into the shoes of others and feeling what they feel
- Mirror their communication style as they speak
- Analytic Empathy
- Understand people’s values by finding more about their early years
- The empathic skill
- Becoming more empathetic involves a skill of process. Gain feedback, try to gauge the
general vibes of what people think of you. Perhaps ask friends. Etc.
 Four examples of Narcissistic Types
• 1. The complete control narcissist
- Complete control narcissists ability to connect with people while simultaneously
being self obsessed, lies within the early stages of their careers, before they turn
paranoid and vicious.
- They have more insecurities than the average narcissist, and the only way the can
mollify these insecurities and satisfy their ambition is by gaining from others more
than the usual share of attention and validation, which can only come through
securing power via politics or business.
- They often mimic empathy. The difference is that from within, they are impelled
not by the need to connect, but by the need to control people and manipulate
them. They listen and probe you in order to discover weaknesses to play on.
- They utilize classic push & pulls to make you want to re-experience the warmth
you once felt with their presence.
- Keep these types at bay, at all costs.
 The Theatrical Narcissist
• Deep narcissists can be masters of disguise, hence their
behaviors are noticed only when it’s too late.
• They use their lack of a coherent self as an advantage. They
can play many parts. They make a show of everything.
• They play on your empathy.
• The only solution is to see through their trickery. Recognize
this type by the fact that the focus always seems to be on
themselves.
 The Narcissistic Couple
• What generally makes a relationship narcissistic is the lack of empathy that makes
the partners retreat deeper and deeper into their own defensive positions.
• The key to employing empathy within a relationship is to understand the value
system of the other person, which inevitably is different from yours. What they
interpret as signs of love and affection, tend to diverge from your way of thinking.
• These value systems are largely formed in early childhood and are not consciously
constructed by people. Keeping in mind their value system will allow you to enter
their spirit and perspective precisely in the moment you would normally turn
defensive.
• Even deep narcissists can be pulled out of their shell in this way, because such
affection is so rare.
• Measure all your relationships on the narcissism spectrum.
• It is not one person or the other, but the dynamic itself that must be altered.
 The Healthy Narcissist
• I do not ask the wounded person how he
feels.. I myself become the wounded person.
• Pay deeper attention to people. Try to take
their perspective, enter their world and value
system.
• You will become aware of an entire new world
of non verbal behavior that you never knew
existed.
 See through People’s Masks
• The role of role playing.
• People put masks to different social settings to hide their true selves or cover up
their weaknesses. However, cracks are bound to appear.
• People continually leak out their true feelings and unconscious desires in the
nonverbal cues they cannot completely control – facial expressions, nervous
gestures etc.
• Master this language by becoming a superior reader of men and women. Armed
with this knowledge, you can take the proper defensive measures.
• On the other hand, since appearances are what people judge you by, you must
learn how to present the best front and play your role to maximum effort.
 Keys to Human Nature
• It is striking how social life is quite theatrical.
• The whole world is a stage
• Everyone has their exits and entrances
• People with consummate acting skills can better navigate our complex social
environments and get ahead.
• We see the need to act as a burden
• We have a continual need to express our feelings but also at the same time, we
want to conceal them for proper social functioning.
• With those counterforces battling within us, we cannot completely control what
we communicate.
• Our real feelings continually leak out in non verbal gestures, tones of voice and
facial expressions.
 My Task
• First, I must understand and accept the theatrical quality of
life.
• The goal is to play your part on the stage of life with
consummate skill, attracting attention, dominating the
limelight, and making yourself into a sympathetic hero or
heroine.
• Second, I must not mistake peoples appearances and role
playing for reality.
• You are not blinded by people’s acting skills.
• You transform yourself into a master decoder of their true
feelings.
 Observational Skills
• Rediscover the observational skills you had when you were a
weak little child, always decoding the adults behaviors and
feelings through people’s smiles, tones of voice and bodily
gestures.
• Children are masters at seeing liars, con artists, magicians and
people who pretend to be something they’re not.
• Over time, establish an individual’s baseline mood and
expressions.
• This will allow you to be aware of any deviations.
• Try to observe yourself in your daily actions with people.
 Decoding Keys
• Detect possible hostility or negative feelings early on,
as it increases your strategic options and room to
maneuver.
• You can lay a trap for people.
• Refuse to interact with them. In the end, this will
make your path much smoother by avoiding surprise
battles and acts of sabotage.
• People who smile lots mean they are a bit insecure.
 Deception Cues
• We are gullible
• We want to believe in certain things, that we can get
something from nothing.
• This propensity is what deceivers and manipulators thrive on.
• Pay attention to a deceivers mouth area as they’re trying to
coerce you. This is the easiest part of the body to control.
Everything else is unusually still. Keep letting them speak and
pick up more on their social cues.
 The Art of Impression Management
• Role-playing in a professional sphere is extremely important.
• People will question your competence if you act completely yourself and let your masks
down. So play your role to the best of your ability.
• Some people like politicians however, wear the mask of authenticity.
• Master the Non Verbal Cues
• Be a Method Actor
• Adapt to your audience
• Create the proper first impression
• Use dramatic effects – This mostly involves mastering the art of presence and absence. If
you’re too present, people will quickly grow bored with you. You must know how to
selectively absent yourself, to regulate how often and when you appear before others,
making them want to see more of you, not less. Cloak yourself in some mystery. Become an
enigma. Learn to withhold information.
• Project Saintly Qualities – Having a persona actually protects us from people looking too
closely at us. The better you play your role, the more power you will accrue, and with power
you will have freedom to express more of your peculiarities.
 Determine the strength of people’s character

• The law of compulsive behavior

• Character is destiny
• We are prone to repeat the same mistakes and make the same decisions
• There is a general pattern to our lives
• It is our character the controls us. Not the gods or spirits.
• Character Signs: The most significant indicator of people’s character comes
through their actions over time.
• People will always do the same actions over time, even if they talk about the
lessons they learned and how they have changed over the years. The same things
will repeat themselves.
• You must take notice of any salient forms of behavior – disappearing when under
stress, not completing an important piece of work, turning suddenly belligerent
when challenged, or conversely, suddenly rising to the occasion when given
responsibility.
• The corollary of this law: People never do something just once.
Become an elusive object of desire
• The Law of Covetousness
• Too much presence suffocates
• A degree of absence spurs our interest
• Know how and when to withdraw: Do not be
read so easily
• Your presence must have a touch of coldness
to it