PRESENTED BY

 ANITHA KAVERI V.A

 C. SUBBU

 KARTHIK

KRISHNAN

 POOJA NAIR

 SANKAR RAJAN

 SUMAN GHOSH

 SURENDRAN
  Everybody is somebody ’ s
difficult person at some
point in time !!!


Mom? Dad? Siblings? Kids? Teachers?

Co-workers!

Boss!!!


 10 MOST UNWANTED
TANK : Confrontational, angry and
aggressive
SNIPER: Sarcastic, rude, make people

look dumb
GRENADE: Unfocussed, ranting and

raving
KNOW-IT-ALL: Low tolerance for

contradiction
THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL : Attention Grabbing

YES PERSON : Commit too much and


MAY BE : Procrastinators, cannot just
decide
NOTHING: No verbal/non verbal

answers
NO PERSON: Keep saying no!

WHINER: Just can’t stop complaining!

What to do about it?



• Stay and do nothing

• Run!
• Change your attitude
LENS OF
UNDERSTANDING

Perfection Control

Attention
Approval
 AND WHEN THEY CAN’T
• PERFECTIONIST
• CONTROLLING
• APPROVAL SEEKING
• ATTENTION SEEKING


AND THUS INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT


 Fro m co n flict to co o p e ra tio n
How is it possible to get along with one and get into conflict with the
other?

United we stand  , Divided we can’t stand each other 

Two essential skills – Blending & Redirecting

Ways of Blending – Visually, Verbally, Conceptually.

Failure to blend has serious consequences because the differences

becomes basis for conflict

-No one cooperates with anyone who seems to be against them

-Blending always precedes redirecting, whether you’re listening to
understand or speaking to be understood.

Blend Nonverbally with body and facial expressions

Blending sends the signal that I’m with you! I’m not the enemy! I’m
interested in what you say and do
Blend Vocally with Volume & Speed
It is the process rather than the content of communication that is
causing the difficulty
 Listen to understand
People want to be heard and understood

Master communicator makes his or her goal to listen and understand

first, before attempting to be heard and understood.

Bad News : Strategy for listening requires you to temporarily

set aside your need to be heard and understood , at a time when
you least want to

Good News : By helping your problem person to express

themselves completely , you increase the likelihood of their
being able and even willing to hear you in turn .

Two levels of Understanding – Emotional (understanding of feeling)

Intellectual (understanding of what they say)

Process of Listening – When your problem person is talking

Blend visibly and audibly

Backtrack some of their own words
Clarify their meaning, intent and criteria
Summarize what you’ve heard
Confirm to find out if you got it right
 Reach a deeper understanding
Sometimes, most important and useful aspects of communication are hidden
not just from the listener, but from speaker as well.

Identify positive intent – a good purpose meant to be served by a

given communication

A powerful key to bring out the best in people – Give a benefit of doubt,
Assume a positive intent behind their problem behavior & then deal
accordingly. If not sure about the positive intent, make something up.

Get it done – Communicate briefly and to the point so as not to obstruct

them
Get it right – Pay great attention to the details in your communication
with them
Get along – Show your care with friendly chit chat and considerate
communication
Get Appreciation – Recognize their contribution with words of
enthusiastic appreciation

Identify highly valued criteria – the standards by which we measure

ideas and experiences to determine if they are good or bad

Criteria becomes extremely important when differing ideas or points of

view are being discussed.
SPEAK TO BE UNDERSTOOD
GET WHAT YOU PROJECT AND EXPECT
BRINGIN OUT THE BEST IN THE PEOPLE AT THEIR WORST
THREE POSSIBLE STAND THAT WE WOULD ADOPT
1 . AGGRESIVE
2 . DEFENSIVE
3 . WITHDRAWAL

SUGGESTIONS
Look at the tank as a wind up toy which
will wind down soon
Try to think and act like people whom you
have seen handling such situations.
Your goal should be to command respect
ACTION PLAN
 The Sniper
Ø Adjusting Attitude


• Live with it. If you don’t react then the

behavior loses its value.


• Shift the focus on the sniper

 Sniper : “Here comes the idiot”
 Targeted person : “I know that’s your name, why do you
keep saying it all the time?”


• Innocent Sniper. Just laugh it off.

 Action Plan for Sniper
1.Stop, Look and Backtrack
2.Use searchlight questions
 The intent question, “When you say that what are you really
trying to say?”
 The relevancy question, “What does that have to do with
this?”


3.Use tank strategy

4.Grievance Patrol
5.Suggest a civil future
 “In the future, if you have a problem with me, come and talk
to me about it one-on-one. I promise to hear you.”
 The Know-It-All
Ø Adjusting Attitude


• Overcome the temptation of

becoming a know it all yourself
which might lead to argument.


• Be flexible, patient and very clever

about how you present your ideas.


• Experimental laboratory by
remembering previous experiences
with the Know-It-Alls.
 Action Plan for The Know-It-
All
1.Be prepared and know your stuff


2.Backtrack respectfully


3.Blend with their doubts and desires



4.Present your ideas indirectly

 “Maybe”, “Perhaps”, “Bear with me a moment”, “I was just
wondering” etc.
 The Think-They-Know-It-All
Ø Adjusting Attitude


• Deal with compassion



• Have patient and wait for the right

moment to move things in a
different direction.
 Action Plan for The Think-They-
Know-It-All


 1. Give them a little attention

 Backtrack their comments with enthusiasm.
 Acknowledge with positive intent.


2. Clarify for specifics



3. Tell it like it is


4. Give them a break



5. Break the cycle

The Grenade
‘Blow up on
situations’
 What they do…..
• The Grenade person explodes into
unfocused ranting and raving about
things that have nothing to do with
the present circumstances

• The best example: A typical

household

•
 Human Behavior
Ta sk Fo cu s

G e t It G e t It
R ig h t D one

Pa ssive Normal Zone A g g re ssive

G e t A lo n g Get
Appreciated

Pe o p le
GRENADE
Fo cu s
 How to prevent the pin from
pulling off !!
• Get the person’s attention and Reduce
intensity
• Aim for the heart: - Words of love,
touch and affection
• Time off for good behaviour.
• Caution: Don’t try and have a
reasonable discussion about the
cause of the explosion during the
explosion.
• Grenade prevention. Find the pin and
The ‘YES’ Person
‘Over commit’ to please
the person…coz they
really cannot say No!!
 The reasons
• No clear picture or analysis of
one’s plan
• Underlying drive to get along with
others
• Actually nice people, when things
go wrong, they actually feel bad
• Poor on task skills, organizing
skills etc
 Human Behavior
Ta sk Fo cu s

G e t It G e t It
R ig h t D one

Pa ssive Normal Zone A g g re ssive

G e t A lo n g Get
Appreciated

THE ‘ YES ’ PERSON Pe o p le

Fo cu s
 How to Deal…The ‘Yes’
person
• Make it safe so that they would be
honest with you
• Clarify, & talk to them
• Help the person learn to plan. By
using the past experience as a
template,
• Ensure commitments and
Strengthen the relationship.
( Word of Honour, summarise,
write the commitment & describe
–ve consequences)
• Remember that they mean well,
The ‘MAY BE PERSON’

They never take a

decision ….
 Reasons
• Very low sense of security, feel
threatened
• They think of more about results which
can have a –ve impact rather than
the process
• Results are just a mere byproduct
• They don’t want to hurt anyone  Get
along
 Human Behavior
Ta sk Fo cu s

G e t It G e t It
R ig h t D one

Pa ssive Normal Zone A g g re ssive

G e t A lo n g Get
Appreciated

THE ‘ MAY BE ’ PERSON Pe o p le

Fo cu s
How To Deal…The ‘May Be’
Person
• Establish and maintain a comfort zone
• Be empathetic and think why they are
not making any decisions (+ves and–
ves)
• Use a Process  Decision making system
• Reassure and ensure follow-through
– There are no perfect decisions  Stick by
it

• Strengthen Relationship
 Nothing Person
Task Focus

Get it right

Perfection
ist

Passive Normal Aggressive

Zone

Approval
seeking

Get along

People Focus
Features of the ‘Nothing
person’…..
Ø They are passive & not involve in
conversation.
Ø ‘Get along’ people don’t say much in fear.
Better try to avoid conflict & disapproval
with them.
Ø ‘Get it right’ people find perfection
otherwise they get frustrated.
Ø Passive-aggressive answer from them
acronym for Frustrated, Insecure,
Neurotic & Emotional.
Ø Their face, body posture & eyes give
 Persuasion of Nothing people to
talk
Action Plans:


ü Plan enough time.

ü Ask open ended questions expectantly.
ü Lighten it up (a little humor).
ü Guess & watch changing behavior.
ü Show the future.
ü
 No Person
Task Focus

Get it right

Perfection
ist

Passive Normal Aggressive

Zone

People Focus
Features of the ‘No person’……..

Ø When the shortcomings, weakness,

failings, mistakes loom the ‘No person’
feels despair & negative in every aspect.
Ø They are task focused and always try to
avoid mistakes.
Ø Their negativity undermines motivation,
stifles development and leads others to
depression.
Ø The ‘No person’ finds the negatives in
everyone and everything else.
Ø
 You better adjust your
attitude
Action Plans:


ü Go with the flow.

ü Use them as a resource.
ü Leave the door open.
ü Go for the polarity response.
ü Acknowledge their good intent.
 The Whinner
Task Focus

Get it right

Perfection
ist

Passive Normal Aggressive

Zone

People Focus
Features of the Whiner……
Ø 3 types of complaints are there:
 1. Helpful
 2. Therapeutic
 3. Obnoxious
Ø For the feeling of helplessness, the whiner is
vocally less assertive.
Ø Three elements are responsible for ‘Whining
sound’:
 1. The weight on their shoulder.
 2. The effort required to talk.
 3. the feeling of futility.
Whiner Do’s and
Don’ts……..
Do’s
 Don’ts


Ø Have patience. Ø Agree with Whiners.

Ø Have compassion. Ø Disagree with them.

Ø Have commitment for Ø Try to solve their

lengthy process. problem- you can’t.

Ø Never ask them the

reason for
complaining.
 Problem solving alliance
Action Plans:


ü Listen for the main points.

ü Interrupt & get specific.
ü Shift the focus to solutions.
ü Show them the future.
ü Draw the line.
ü
 What If People Can’t Stand
You
 WHAT IF
 YOU ARE
 THE


 Tank, Sniper, Know-it-all, Think They

Know-it-all, Think-they-know-it-all,
Grenade, Yes Person, Maybe Person,
Nothing Person, No Person, Whiner
 IF YOU ARE THE TANK
• Stop wasting time
• Question yourself
– Results of tank?
– True leader or Dictator?
• Biographies and Autobiographies
• Use it as models - change your
history and get used to the idea.



 IF YOU ARE THE SNIPER
• Sniper – severe brain (speech)
• Grudge or grievance – be open to
them
– Admit yourself
– Responsibility for the perceptions and
reactions
– Describe why and expectations
• Find the source
• Sniping defeats other cardinals –
managerial look
 IF YOU ARE THE KNOW-IT-
ALL
• The more you know, the more you
don’t know
• Everyone – unique perspective.
• Wisdom (a product of an inquiring
mind, connected to heart)has a
greater value than knowledge

IF YOU ARE THE THEY-KNOW-IT-
ALL
• 3 THINGS TO REMEMBER
– Admitting mistake – no disgrace –
regain esteem
– Exaggeration cause – to be
appreciated and liked
– Stop trying to impress – foolish –
practice being silent, to gain
appreciation – give recognition and
genuine appreciation to others
 IF YOU ARE THE GRENADE
• Determine the motive to get changed
• What your pin is and what pulls out
– Examine situations – common thread
• For occasional grenade
– Express sooner
– Spend more time to develop
–
 IF YOU ARE THE YES
PERSON
• Be straightforward – commitments
• Think about others – sales person
• No real intimacy
• Practice being assertive
• Strength – genuine caring
 IF YOU ARE THE MAYBE
PERSON
• There are no perfect decisions
– Inherent costs
• Unmade decision
• When in doubt – decide now
• Decision – Hurting others

 IF YOU ARE THE NOTHING
PERSON
• The conflict makes the distance from
others
• Distance Isolation
• Express emotions, don’t stuff
• Try to use no blaming type of
conversations
IF YOU ARE THE NO PERSON
• Negative mind (everyone) – wrong
perceptions
• Tape recorder
• List of disappointments
• Waiting opportunities
• Criticism and feedback – problem
solving process
•
 IF YOU ARE THE WHINER
• Switch to a problem solving mode
• Look the world around you
– Stick to specifics
• Appreciate what works in life
– Notes – appreciate
• Alternative doings
– Stop! Make another commitment
 HOW TO APPLY ?
• Learn from all the opportunities
• Team up with a communication
partner
– Share – develops you to pay attention
• Count on your blessings – strength
• After application – easy success, win
and lose, more choices – only you
are responsible
• Learn to accept differences (at worst)

HOW TO CHANGE
YOURATTITUDE?

CHANGING YOUR REACTIONS:

• Decide what you want, what will

help you to get along – resource
description
• Lag of resource? – others
modeling you
• New internal state - move with a
difficult person – real
• Be realistic - Preplay the future
 CHANGING YOUR
PERSPECTIVE
• Association – Dissociation, Memories
• Step away from unpleasant
memories:
– Imagine worst case scenarios
– Alan Kirschner technique – go beyond
– Editing memory, colour, contrast,
trade
– Reframe problem – Teresa
• Change the frame, not the picture
CHANGING THE WAY YOU TALK
TO YOURSELF
• Think – say, makes you think of what
to say
• Substitute positive
• Draw mental comments:
– I go for what I want, and I want what I
get
– Somewhere in this experience is an
opportunity
– Any experience I can learn from is a
good one
• Draw mental comments:
– Oh well – situation does not change
with our opinion
– All things must pass
– This used to bother me, that’s all
behind me now
– In God we trust – Think about the
present and let start from there.
Leave the past


 All the tools are available, adjust your

reactions and attitude, free stress.
LIFE IS NOT A TEST . . . .
IT’S ACTUALLY AN
EMERGENCY