LOVE, LUST, AND ATTACHMENT

S O N 5 .1.2
LES
 LOV
LUST? E?
Depending on the person, love may
start out with any of these feelings.
Each drive instructs sexual desire and
mating differently. Each involves
different neurochemicals in your brain.

attachm e nt ?
 LUST
• Lust is animal attraction, your desire to have
sex with any semi-appropriate partner.
• Driven by the sex hormones testosterone and
estrogen in both males and females, lust
involves cravings for sexual gratification and
biological horniness.
 LOVE OR ROMANTIC ATTRACTION

According to Helen Fisher:

• Makes you focus on particular partner and occurs when

you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. The
three neurotransmitters involved in this stage, backed
by science, are: norepomephrome, dopamine, and
serotine.
Dopamine: produced by the hypothalamus, is a particularly well-publicized player in the
brain’s reward pathway – it’s released when we do things that feel good to us. In this case,
these things include spending time with loved ones and having sex. High levels of
dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine. Your loved one seems exciting, special
and unique to you; you want to tell the world about his special qualities.

Norepinephrine: Norepinephrine is responsible for the extra surge of energy and "racing

heart" that you feel, as well as the loss of, in some cases, both your appetite and your
desire for sleep. It puts your body into a more alert state in which you are ready for action.
are released during attraction. These chemicals make us dizzy, energetic, and euphoric,
even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in
love” that you can’t eat and can’t sleep.

Serotonin: Scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but more studies need to
be done. Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and
are thought to cause obsessive thinking. In one Italian study of 60 students, those who were
recently in love and those with OCD both had less serotonin transporter protein in their
blood than regular (not recently in love) students.
ATTACHMENT

• Is the bond that keeps partners together long

together long enough for them to have and raise
children. The two major hormones involved in this
feeling of attachment are oxytocin and
vasopressin.
• Compared to lust and love, attachment tends to be
more secure, grounded, and lasting.
 Brain chemistry aside, how
can you tell if the sensations
you’re feeling are more
aligned with love, or with the
more feeling lust and
attraction?
 Lust is about a physical connection.
Love is about an emotional connection.

“Lust feels like you intensely want to have sex with someone.
Love feels like you want to have sex with someone and be
emotionally close to them, too. Love means you want to spend
time with your partner and listen to his or her needs and
emotions to feel connected. You also are interested in meeting
your beloved’s friends. Lust means you’re more interested in
having sex than having intimate conversations or meeting the
person’s friends.”

― Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author of The Empath’s Survival Guide
 Lust is impulsive. Love takes time.

“Love is rooted in delayed gratification, while lust is rooted in

instant pleasure. Lust feels like sprinting; love feels like a
marathon. Love means acceptance; lust means indulgence.

” ― Janet Brito, a psychologist and sex therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health
Lust skims the surface. Love goes deeper.

“Lust is a state of mind that focuses on body parts, seduction, power, fantasy
and excitement. Love is risky and scary on an emotional level. You’re
becoming very real and vulnerable with them, trusting them with your fears
and hopes, sharing stories of shame and pride, hope and disappointment,
and really letting yourself be known. Love is letting your guard down and
granting your partner access to areas you don’t even like to visit.”

 ― Ryan Howes, clinical psychologist

Lust is about you. Love is about them.

“When you lust for someone, you must have them. You need their body
or presence in your life as if your life depends on it. Love is not
possessive, though. You’ll certainly want someone you love in your
life, but if their best life is found apart from you, then you want that
for them. When you find that their well-being is a higher priority
than your cravings, you’re in love.”

 ― Howes