Family Relationships

Introduction
Family life today is under siege. It is beset by : >divorce/separation/annulment >a crisis in roles, > absenteeism of parents, > a breakdown of authority, >preoccupation with things, >inadequate time together, >financial pressures, and > a host of other problems.

Family Relationships and the Bible

The Bible provides teachings and principles for good relations in the family. A commitment to the Bible s teachings and principles provides today s best hope for the recovery of family life.

Family Relationships and the Bible

The Bible teaches that the institution of family is of divine > origin and

> purpose.

The Family Is Divine in Origin

God created human beings in His own image. God created people so as to need and find fulfillment in human companionship. God initiated the first family unit.

God created human beings in His own image.

Then God said, Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female (Genesis 1:26-27). Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being (Genesis 2:7).

God created people so as to need and find fulfillment in human companionship.

The Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18).

God initiated the first family unit.

So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the LORD God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man (Genesis 2:21-22).

The Family Is Divine in Purpose

Companionship Procreation Nurture

Companionship is a basic purpose of God for marriage and family life

Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him (Genesis 2:18). This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Haven t you read, He [Jesus] replied, that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female, and He also said: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate (Matthew 19:4-6).

Procreation is another basic purpose of God for families.

God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, children, a reward Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them (Psalm 127:35).

Nurture is still another basic purpose of God for families.

Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). He also said to them, You completely invalidate God s command in order to maintain your tradition! For Moses said: Honor your father and your mother; and, Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must be put to death. But you say, If a man tells his father or mother: Whatever benefit you might have received from me is Corban (that is, a gift [committed to the temple]), you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother. You revoke God s word by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many other similar things (Mark 7:9-13).

Husband-wife relationships

The Bible calls for the marriage relationship to be characterized by mutual and voluntary submission in mutual respect and trust for mutual fulfillment in sexual union in the marriage relationship.
for mutual fidelity in a monogamous relationship.

Husband-wife relationships
The Bible calls for the marriage relationship to be characterized by mutual and voluntary submission in mutual respect and trust. submitting to one another in the fear of Christ (Ephesians 5:21).

The Bible calls for mutual fulfillment in sexual union in the marriage relationship
A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).

The Bible calls for mutual fidelity in a monogamous relationship.

Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers (Hebrews 13:4). Do not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14).

 Foundation to good family relationships : Faithfulness by Family Members of their Responsibilities: Husband to wife Wife to Husband Parents to Children Children to Parents

The Husband's Responsibilities to His Wife

The Husband Should Love His Wife. Should Be Committed to Marriage for Life Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family. Should Be the Head of the Family.

The Husband Should Love His Wife.

Ephesians 5:25-31,33 -- A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body. What can Jesus' love for the church teach husbands? A husband should be committed to do his wife good, even if she is not acting lovingly toward him nor attracting him romantically. He must do good even at the cost of serious personal sacrifice. 1 Peter 3:7 -- A man should try to understand what his wife needs, rather than being bitter toward her (Col. 3:19). He will not expect her to do heavy work since she is not as strong. And he will respect her as being of equal spiritual value with himself. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- A husband also shows love by expressing affection and fulfilling the wife's sexual needs.

The Husband Should Be Committed to Marriage for Life

Romans 7:2,3 -- Husband and wife are bound as long as they both live. One may remarry only when his spouse has died. To remarry while ones spouse is alive constitutes adultery. (Mal. 2:14-16) Matthew 19:3-9 -- Fornication is the only Scriptural grounds for divorce. One is guilty of adultery if he divorces for another reason and remarries. This constitutes adultery because he is still bound to his first wife, yet having the sexual union with another woman. (Matt. 5:31,32) Man should enter marriage fully realizing that it is a lifetime commitment. Divorce without Scriptural grounds should never be seriously considered nor discussed as an option. However, if one is in an unscriptural remarriage, he must leave it to avoid adultery (cf. 1 Cor. 7:10,11).

The Husband Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family.
Genesis 3:17-19 -- The man was required to labor despite hardships in order to have food. (Cf. 2 Thess. 3:10.) 1 Timothy 5:8 -- As the head of the family , a man should provide, not just for himself, but for his whole household This is the God-given duty of the husband. No passage instructs the wife to do this. Man should not neglect his other responsibilities by over-emphasizing work. Yet one who neglects working, expecting his wife or other people to provide income for his family, is worse than an infidel.

The Husband Should Be the Head of the Family.

Ephesians 5:22-24 -- The husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church . Neither his wife nor their parents are the authority in his family (cf. Gen. 2:24). However, the husband does have the final authority, and will give account to God for his decisions. Often this responsibility is not a privilege but a burden. He needs the courage to stand for what he is convinced is best, even when the wife or children disagree. If the wife fails to fulfill her duties, this does not justify the husband in failing to fulfill his duties (Romans 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35).

The Wife's Responsibilities to Her Husband

The Wife Should Love Her Husband. Should Have a Lifetime Commitment to the Marriage. Should Submit to the Headship of the Husband. Should Work at Home Caring for Her Family.

The Wife Should Love Her Husband.

Genesis 2:18-24 -- Woman was created to be a companion and helper to man. She is not required to marry (see 1 Cor. 7), but by nature she would find her greatest fulfillment in life by loving and caring for a family. (See also Mal. 2:14.) Titus 2:4 -- Young women should be taught to love their husbands and their children. This is something a woman can learn to do. Again, love is a matter of choice and commitment, not primarily a romantic mood. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- The wife too should show affection and fulfill her husband's sexual needs

The Wife Too Should Have a Lifetime Commitment to the Marriage.

Neither the man nor the woman have the right to end the marriage while their spouse is alive, except for the cause of fornication

The Wife Should Submit to the Headship of the Husband

Ephesians 5:22-24,33 -- Just as the church should submit to Christ, not rebelliously but respectfully, so the wife must abide by all her husband's decisions. The only exception would be if the husband commanded her to do something that would violate God's law (Acts 5:29). Titus 2:5 -- Young women should be taught to be obedient to their husbands. This does not mean woman has less ability or less value than man (cf. 1 Peter 3:7; Matt. 20:2528; Gal. 3:28). But someone must be in charge to make decisions in the home. God has determined that this responsibility belongs to the man. (See also Gen. 3:16; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6; 1 Cor. 11:3).

The Wife Should Work at Home Caring for Her Family.

Titus 2:4,5; 1 Timothy 5:14 -- God says the work of mothers is at home. They are to manage the household, loving and caring for their family. This work is a blessing and should be valued and appreciated (cf. Psalm 113:9). We learned that providing family income is a God-given responsibility for the husband. It is not the wife's responsibility. There may be emergency exceptions (as when the husband has died or is disabled), but generally a mother should not neglect her God-given duties nor give them to other people so she can have a career or job outside the home. It follows that the husband and wife have distinct roles. God gave them separate duties and gave each a nature best suited to those duties. To blur these distinctions or to deny they exist is to disobey God. For both the husband and the wife, the greatest satisfaction in marriage comes when they follow God's plan. Again, the husband's failure to properly fulfill his duties does not justify the wife in failing to fulfill her duties (Rom. 12:17-21; 1 Peter 3:1,2; Luke 6:27-35).

The Parents' Responsibilities to Their Children

Parents Should Love Their Children. Should Train Their Children to Know and Obey God's Will. Should Punish and Reward Children When Necessary to Motivate Them to Do Good and Avoid Evil.

Parents Should Love Their Children.

Titus 2:4 -- Women should be taught to love their children. Children are a blessing from God, not an unwanted burden (Psalm 127:3-5; 128:1-4). Parents who love their children will do what is best for them. This requires taking time with children -- quality and quantity time. Abusing and neglecting children is not love.

Parents Should Train Their Children to Know and Obey God's Will.
Ephesians 6:4 -- Fathers should bring children up in the training and admonition of the Lord. This includes bringing the children to all meetings of the church, and also teaching them God's word at home (Deut. 6:6-9). Training children is primarily the work of parents, rather than the church. When children grow up without a knowledge of God and His will, the parents will give account. (See also Prov. 22:6; Gen. 18:19; Deut. 4:9,10; 1 Sam. 2:22-25; 3:13; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15).

Parents Should Punish and Reward Children When Necessary

Hebrews 12:5-11 -- The Father in Heaven is an example to parents in chastening children. Why should children be chastised? For their benefit (v10). It causes the child to respect parents and authority in general (v9) and teaches them to act righteously (v11). Proverbs 13:24; 23:13,14 -- Spanking is not contrary to love. Properly done it is an act of love for the child's good to teach him to live right. It should never be done because the parent has lost his temper or to satisfy a lust for power. (See also Prov. 22:15; 19:18; Luke 15:20-24.) Rules and discipline should be consistent. Inconsistency provokes the child to anger (Eph. 6:4). The father and mother should agree and work in harmony (Matt. 12:25). Children must treated fairly and justly -- no favoritism (James 2:8,9). Parents should keep their promises, including the promise to punish (James 5:12). Parents who do not discipline their children will be held accountable by God (1 Sam. 3:13). Instead of following society's ungodly philosophies about child-rearing, Christians need to fight those concepts with every upright weapon at our disposal. Families that follow God's will are the ones that will truly be blessed. (See also Col. 3:21; Matt. 23:23).

The Children's Responsibilities to Their Parents

Children Should Listen to Their Parents' Instruction Should Respect Their Parents. Should Obey Their Parents.

Should Care for Elderly Parents.

Children Should Listen to Their Parents' Instruction.

Proverbs 6:20-23 -- Listen to the instruction of parents, do not forsake it. Remember that parents are older and more experienced. They may not be perfect (neither are the kids!) yet they are still wiser. (See also Prov. 1:8; 15:5; 23:22).

Children Should Respect Their Parents.

Ephesians 6:2,3 -- Parents have God-given authority and have generally done much good for the children. They deserve to receive respectful treatment, including respectful speech and attitudes. (Cf. Matt. 15:4; Prov. 6:20-23; 15:5; 23:22.)

Children Should Obey Their Parents.

Ephesians 6:1 -- Children are commanded by the Lord to obey their parents. (See also Col. 3:20; 2 Tim. 3:1,2). Luke 2:51 -- Jesus set the example of subjection to his parents. Romans 1:30,32 -- One who refuses to obey his parents is worthy of death, and so are those who approve of such conduct (cf. Deut. 21:18-21). Children should obey all parental instructions unless they are told to do something sinful (Acts 5:29). The fact that the parents may have made some mistakes or even sinned does not justify disobedience by the children (Rom. 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35; etc.)

Children Should Care for Elderly Parents.

1 Timothy 5:4,8,16 -- When children are unwilling to care for their elderly parents, they lack appreciation for what their parents did for them, and they also deny the faith. (Cf. Matt. 15:4-6; Ruth 4:13-15; John 19:25-27.)

Reminder
Making happy homes is not easy, especially in a corrupt society. But God's plan is always best, and the homes that accomplish the most good are those that learn and do His will.

Strengthening Family Relationships

1: Love 2: Encouragement 3: Respect 4: Accept Responsibility 5: Breaking Deadlock 6: Manage Emotions 7: Prayer

Building Block 1: Love

We must have the genuine interest at heart of the people we relate to, plus express friendship. Many problems in conflicted relationships involve power struggles, people feeling excluded, and the absent of brotherly affection Paul described both concepts, Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for you own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (Philippians 2:2-4).

Building Block 2: Encouragement

Research indicates that in good relationships there is a five to one ratio in favor of positive encouragement over negative criticism. Paul emphasized the importance of this next building block: encourage, don t criticize, condemn, or complain. He wrote, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29; cf. Colossians 4:5, 6). Make people feel important. Use their name, be friendly, and smile. Learn to listen and understand their interests and point of view. Talk about what interests them. This will take you far in building positive relationships.

Building Block 3: Respect

Paul had this concept in mind when he wrote, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice (Ephesians 4:31). The opposite of contempt is to show respect. Perhaps that is why Paul instructs wives to, respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Building Block 4: Accept Responsibility

Defensiveness and blaming others for things that go wrong will clog a good relationship. In the context of the Lord s Supper, Paul wrote, But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup (1 Corinthians 11:28). Finger pointing and fault finding only magnify problems. Accepting responsibility does not mean taking all the blame for everything. It means to sit down, and with an open attitude examine the issues. It is to accept personal responsibility for, and work to change, those things that hinder building relationships.

Building Block 5: Breaking Deadlock

Building relationships urges people to move from deadlock to dialogue. There is always the potential for more conflict, but good people with good motives need to talk. Head first for common ground, not fighting ground. Sometimes, to maintain the relationship, people must agree to disagree about a particular area of disagreement. Learn to work around things you cannot change. Paul speaks of this principle of building relationships in his letter to the Philippians, I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. Indeed true comrade, I ask you also to help these women (Philippians 4:2, 3a; cf. Ephesians 4:15, 25). Paul was requesting a mediator to intervene in this troubled relationship, and to begin the process of building positive relationships. The process involves talking and dialogue.

Building Block 6: Manage Emotions

Building relationships requires that we manage our emotions (cf. Ephesians 4:31, 32; Galatians 5:17-26). Basically, managing emotions is by managing thinking.

Building Block 7: Prayer

Building relationships emphasizes prayer. Paul sets the example, And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment (Philippians 1:9). Jesus said to, pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). Persevering prayer is powerful, and should take the place of getting even with those we think have wronged us (Romans 12:14; cf. verses 9-21).

 Thank you.